what does choosing life mean to you for me
me
me it is meant making difficult decisions
it is meant making difficult decisions
it is meant making difficult decisions trust rediscovery and at times learning
trust rediscovery and at times learning
trust rediscovery and at times learning that it can take an entire community in
that it can take an entire community in
that it can take an entire community in October of 2015 I was diagnosed with a
October of 2015 I was diagnosed with a
October of 2015 I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called chordoma in
rare form of cancer called chordoma in
rare form of cancer called chordoma in fact it is only diagnosed in one in a
fact it is only diagnosed in one in a
fact it is only diagnosed in one in a million people each year
million people each year
million people each year currently there are 1,800 people living
currently there are 1,800 people living
currently there are 1,800 people living with cor DOMA worldwide we are all from
with cor DOMA worldwide we are all from
with cor DOMA worldwide we are all from different backgrounds and ranged in age
different backgrounds and ranged in age
different backgrounds and ranged in age from about 10 months to 75 and I know
from about 10 months to 75 and I know
from about 10 months to 75 and I know this because we have a Facebook page for
this because we have a Facebook page for
this because we have a Facebook page for me core DOMA was a skull base tumor that
me core DOMA was a skull base tumor that
me core DOMA was a skull base tumor that had been growing in my body for some
had been growing in my body for some
had been growing in my body for some time until its presence was made known
time until its presence was made known
time until its presence was made known because I lost vision and when I
because I lost vision and when I
because I lost vision and when I however core DOMA can grow anywhere
however core DOMA can grow anywhere
however core DOMA can grow anywhere along the spinal cord
along the spinal cord
along the spinal cord it is typically chemo resistant and at
it is typically chemo resistant and at
it is typically chemo resistant and at this time there is no cure most
this time there is no cure most
this time there is no cure most treatments for chordoma are administered
treatments for chordoma are administered
treatments for chordoma are administered in the form of clinical trials patients
in the form of clinical trials patients
in the form of clinical trials patients face risks like blindness paralysis and
face risks like blindness paralysis and
face risks like blindness paralysis and because of the general proximity of the
because of the general proximity of the
because of the general proximity of the tumors in relation to vital organs
tumors in relation to vital organs
tumors in relation to vital organs radiation is only an option once now I
radiation is only an option once now I
radiation is only an option once now I don’t recommend doing what I did when I
don’t recommend doing what I did when I
don’t recommend doing what I did when I was first diagnosed but I googled it
was first diagnosed but I googled it
was first diagnosed but I googled it I read for hours but one of the facts
I read for hours but one of the facts
I read for hours but one of the facts stood out most the average survival rate
stood out most the average survival rate
stood out most the average survival rate for people with core doma is about 7
for people with core doma is about 7
for people with core doma is about 7 years I thought of my daughter the life
years I thought of my daughter the life
years I thought of my daughter the life I had built the jobs that I loved and
I had built the jobs that I loved and
I had built the jobs that I loved and the obvious lack of time I
the obvious lack of time I
the obvious lack of time I going to have to experience all of it it
going to have to experience all of it it
going to have to experience all of it it was in that moment that the words I had
was in that moment that the words I had
was in that moment that the words I had read were so powerful I was there in I
read were so powerful I was there in I
read were so powerful I was there in I was going to die so I called a good
was going to die so I called a good
was going to die so I called a good friend looking for comfort but she
friend looking for comfort but she
friend looking for comfort but she suggested I call her mom now her mom is
suggested I call her mom now her mom is
suggested I call her mom now her mom is a breast cancer survivor
a breast cancer survivor
a breast cancer survivor unlike all mothers the distributor of
unlike all mothers the distributor of
unlike all mothers the distributor of undeniable wisdom it was during an
undeniable wisdom it was during an
undeniable wisdom it was during an intense conversation that this survivor
intense conversation that this survivor
intense conversation that this survivor gave me two of the most important words
gave me two of the most important words
gave me two of the most important words I will ever hear
I will ever hear
I will ever hear she said choose life well in addition to
she said choose life well in addition to
she said choose life well in addition to the words I also wanted all of the
the words I also wanted all of the
the words I also wanted all of the answers and the manual so that I too
answers and the manual so that I too
answers and the manual so that I too could survive but she didn’t give me any
could survive but she didn’t give me any
could survive but she didn’t give me any of those things instead she issued a
of those things instead she issued a
of those things instead she issued a challenge she said that I would need to
challenge she said that I would need to
challenge she said that I would need to work to find out what choosing life was
work to find out what choosing life was
work to find out what choosing life was going to mean for me and for my life the
going to mean for me and for my life the
going to mean for me and for my life the first step was to choose the clinical
first step was to choose the clinical
first step was to choose the clinical trial and moved to Texas my surgery was
trial and moved to Texas my surgery was
trial and moved to Texas my surgery was scheduled for late December of 2015 and
scheduled for late December of 2015 and
scheduled for late December of 2015 and about eight hours a team of doctors
about eight hours a team of doctors
about eight hours a team of doctors removed a hard to reach tumor located
removed a hard to reach tumor located
removed a hard to reach tumor located near my brainstem without one visible
near my brainstem without one visible
near my brainstem without one visible scar this is because they did the whole
scar this is because they did the whole
scar this is because they did the whole surgery through my nose there they were
surgery through my nose there they were
surgery through my nose there they were able to remove the entire tumor and this
able to remove the entire tumor and this
able to remove the entire tumor and this was a huge victory worthy of celebration
was a huge victory worthy of celebration
was a huge victory worthy of celebration but I didn’t do much celebrating for me
but I didn’t do much celebrating for me
but I didn’t do much celebrating for me walking and gaining back my independence
walking and gaining back my independence
walking and gaining back my independence was a little more important when I could
was a little more important when I could
was a little more important when I could climb stairs I was ready to move on to
climb stairs I was ready to move on to
climb stairs I was ready to move on to the next part of my journey initially I
the next part of my journey initially I
the next part of my journey initially I received 11 treatments of regular
received 11 treatments of regular
received 11 treatments of regular radiation and in March of 2016 I moved
radiation and in March of 2016 I moved
radiation and in March of 2016 I moved on to proton beam radiation it was there
on to proton beam radiation it was there
on to proton beam radiation it was there that I met a family who loved me as
that I met a family who loved me as
that I met a family who loved me as their own and their little warrior named
their own and their little warrior named
their own and their little warrior named Connor
connor was about 14 months old at the
connor was about 14 months old at the time and we went through the same
time and we went through the same
time and we went through the same clinical trial together our family spent
clinical trial together our family spent
clinical trial together our family spent time celebrating milestones throughout
time celebrating milestones throughout
time celebrating milestones throughout treatment Connor and his family helps me
treatment Connor and his family helps me
treatment Connor and his family helps me me to find my relationship with my own
me to find my relationship with my own
me to find my relationship with my own daughter it was an observing the
daughter it was an observing the
daughter it was an observing the resilience that I became aware of the
resilience that I became aware of the
resilience that I became aware of the need to reprioritize and she’s a higher
need to reprioritize and she’s a higher
need to reprioritize and she’s a higher quality of life for her but choosing
quality of life for her but choosing
quality of life for her but choosing life doesn’t always mean we get to
life doesn’t always mean we get to
life doesn’t always mean we get to choose to live because life isn’t fair
choose to live because life isn’t fair
choose to live because life isn’t fair it was devastating to learn that I would
it was devastating to learn that I would
it was devastating to learn that I would make it to my first six-month checkup
make it to my first six-month checkup
make it to my first six-month checkup and Connor would not but I consider my
and Connor would not but I consider my
and Connor would not but I consider my time with him a gift in every sense of
time with him a gift in every sense of
time with him a gift in every sense of the word I was able to witness an entire
the word I was able to witness an entire
the word I was able to witness an entire family become a source of compassion for
family become a source of compassion for
family become a source of compassion for others through the most trying of times
others through the most trying of times
others through the most trying of times it was this strength and selflessness
it was this strength and selflessness
it was this strength and selflessness that Connor and his family
that Connor and his family
that Connor and his family used to teach me more about choosing
used to teach me more about choosing
used to teach me more about choosing life than I could ever hope to fully
life than I could ever hope to fully
life than I could ever hope to fully convey in this lifetime choosing life
convey in this lifetime choosing life
convey in this lifetime choosing life isn’t easy at times it has meant
isn’t easy at times it has meant
isn’t easy at times it has meant learning and relearning that no matter
learning and relearning that no matter
learning and relearning that no matter who we are where we come from and what
who we are where we come from and what
who we are where we come from and what we stand to lose there are some
we stand to lose there are some
we stand to lose there are some circumstances in life nobody is exempt
circumstances in life nobody is exempt
circumstances in life nobody is exempt from for me it was cancer and for others
from for me it was cancer and for others
from for me it was cancer and for others it is a loss or experience just as
it is a loss or experience just as
it is a loss or experience just as profound it can mean leaving a career
profound it can mean leaving a career
profound it can mean leaving a career that you loved
that you loved
that you loved because part of rebuilding is finding
because part of rebuilding is finding
because part of rebuilding is finding out who you are and how you can best
out who you are and how you can best
out who you are and how you can best serve others all over again it is
serve others all over again it is
serve others all over again it is finding your starting place when you
finding your starting place when you
finding your starting place when you come home that the entire definition of
come home that the entire definition of
come home that the entire definition of home has changed it is figuring out how
home has changed it is figuring out how
home has changed it is figuring out how to keep the relationships you have
to keep the relationships you have
to keep the relationships you have formed with other people because now
formed with other people because now
formed with other people because now they’re a part of your story and you’re
they’re a part of your story and you’re
they’re a part of your story and you’re not done writing yet choosing life has
not done writing yet choosing life has
not done writing yet choosing life has been the heartbreak of letting go and
been the heartbreak of letting go and
been the heartbreak of letting go and learning to be grateful for time and
learning to be grateful for time and
learning to be grateful for time and memories that you’re able to keep it is
memories that you’re able to keep it is
memories that you’re able to keep it is a conversation an experience or a
a conversation an experience or a
a conversation an experience or a gesture that reminds you that choosing
gesture that reminds you that choosing
gesture that reminds you that choosing life is never just a personal choice
life is never just a personal choice
life is never just a personal choice at times it’s a community effort of
at times it’s a community effort of
at times it’s a community effort of selfless actions taken by others who
selfless actions taken by others who
selfless actions taken by others who refuse to allow you to fail even when
refuse to allow you to fail even when
refuse to allow you to fail even when your world is very dark for me they were
your world is very dark for me they were
your world is very dark for me they were high school classmates who bought my
high school classmates who bought my
high school classmates who bought my groceries and looked after my basic
groceries and looked after my basic
groceries and looked after my basic needs coworkers who called me every day
needs coworkers who called me every day
needs coworkers who called me every day during their lunch hour so that I knew I
during their lunch hour so that I knew I
during their lunch hour so that I knew I wasn’t forgotten strangers who I met and
wasn’t forgotten strangers who I met and
wasn’t forgotten strangers who I met and had a deeper connection with than most
had a deeper connection with than most
had a deeper connection with than most because they too had experienced the
because they too had experienced the
because they too had experienced the loss of a life they loved and were in
loss of a life they loved and were in
loss of a life they loved and were in the process of rebuilding my mom and dad
the process of rebuilding my mom and dad
the process of rebuilding my mom and dad who took care of my daughter throughout
who took care of my daughter throughout
who took care of my daughter throughout treatment and loved her as their very
treatment and loved her as their very
treatment and loved her as their very own volunteers who tied beautiful
own volunteers who tied beautiful
own volunteers who tied beautiful scarves around my head when my hair fell
scarves around my head when my hair fell
scarves around my head when my hair fell out choosing life was falling in love
out choosing life was falling in love
out choosing life was falling in love and the warm embrace that made me feel
and the warm embrace that made me feel
and the warm embrace that made me feel beautiful when I was uncomfortable in my
beautiful when I was uncomfortable in my
beautiful when I was uncomfortable in my own skin and sorting through all of the
own skin and sorting through all of the
own skin and sorting through all of the pieces trying to find myself again upon
pieces trying to find myself again upon
pieces trying to find myself again upon returning to New Mexico choosing life
returning to New Mexico choosing life
returning to New Mexico choosing life has been found in the beauty of new
has been found in the beauty of new
has been found in the beauty of new beginnings it
beginnings it
beginnings it then the gift of a new career I’m
then the gift of a new career I’m
then the gift of a new career I’m finding that others still have faith in
finding that others still have faith in
finding that others still have faith in the ideas and abilities I thought I lost
the ideas and abilities I thought I lost
the ideas and abilities I thought I lost it has been coming to terms with the
it has been coming to terms with the
it has been coming to terms with the aftermath of insurmountable loss through
aftermath of insurmountable loss through
aftermath of insurmountable loss through forgiveness and in turn finding others
forgiveness and in turn finding others
forgiveness and in turn finding others who share the same beliefs and drive
who share the same beliefs and drive
who share the same beliefs and drive there are people all around us who live
there are people all around us who live
there are people all around us who live in the ability to choose a higher
in the ability to choose a higher
in the ability to choose a higher quality of life for others through gifts
quality of life for others through gifts
quality of life for others through gifts of the most passionate kind they choose
of the most passionate kind they choose
of the most passionate kind they choose to look past our current circumstances
to look past our current circumstances
to look past our current circumstances and remind us that we too have chosen
and remind us that we too have chosen
and remind us that we too have chosen life and all of the hats we wear
life and all of the hats we wear
life and all of the hats we wear sometimes we just need a little help to
sometimes we just need a little help to
sometimes we just need a little help to wear them they are comedians like rusty
wear them they are comedians like rusty
wear them they are comedians like rusty Rutherford who uses humor to reach out
Rutherford who uses humor to reach out
Rutherford who uses humor to reach out to the youth who need it most
to the youth who need it most
to the youth who need it most and they also stop by to rap at your
and they also stop by to rap at your
and they also stop by to rap at your daughter’s birthday party because joy
daughter’s birthday party because joy
daughter’s birthday party because joy comes in many forms and at that time she
comes in many forms and at that time she
comes in many forms and at that time she could have used a little joy she was
could have used a little joy she was
could have used a little joy she was starting her first week at a new school
starting her first week at a new school
starting her first week at a new school but that mean they make amazing
but that mean they make amazing
but that mean they make amazing scientific discoveries they Carissa saw
scientific discoveries they Carissa saw
scientific discoveries they Carissa saw bon mots ooh and they move an entire
bon mots ooh and they move an entire
bon mots ooh and they move an entire project to Texas because the value of
project to Texas because the value of
project to Texas because the value of friendship is greater than any distance
friendship is greater than any distance
friendship is greater than any distance like jo-ann Mitchell lease and
like jo-ann Mitchell lease and
like jo-ann Mitchell lease and first-generation college students to
first-generation college students to
first-generation college students to four-year universities and they also
four-year universities and they also
four-year universities and they also give you a job
give you a job
give you a job rooted in social justice the starting
rooted in social justice the starting
rooted in social justice the starting place you were looking for it even
place you were looking for it even
place you were looking for it even though it took her a lot of faith
though it took her a lot of faith
though it took her a lot of faith because I hadn’t gotten the final word I
because I hadn’t gotten the final word I
because I hadn’t gotten the final word I was in remission just yet they do this
was in remission just yet they do this
was in remission just yet they do this tirelessly choose life for others
tirelessly choose life for others
tirelessly choose life for others because they have found what makes their
because they have found what makes their
because they have found what makes their soul happy they choose to spend their
soul happy they choose to spend their
soul happy they choose to spend their time carving the edges to the final
time carving the edges to the final
time carving the edges to the final piece of the puzzle
piece of the puzzle
piece of the puzzle strengthens our communities one person
strengthens our communities one person
strengthens our communities one person at a time
at a time
at a time I thought hard to ensure that this is
I thought hard to ensure that this is
I thought hard to ensure that this is not just a story I would tell all of you
not just a story I would tell all of you
not just a story I would tell all of you about cancer because choosing length is
about cancer because choosing length is
about cancer because choosing length is so much more than just my story it is
so much more than just my story it is
so much more than just my story it is the common thread that has moved
the common thread that has moved
the common thread that has moved multiple souls to begin a connection it
multiple souls to begin a connection it
multiple souls to begin a connection it has been opening the doors to the
has been opening the doors to the
has been opening the doors to the opportunities that live within
opportunities that live within
opportunities that live within possibility even when the possibilities
possibility even when the possibilities
possibility even when the possibilities are very small because in walking a path
are very small because in walking a path
are very small because in walking a path that forces us out of our comfort zone
that forces us out of our comfort zone
that forces us out of our comfort zone we are able to receive gifts from others
we are able to receive gifts from others
we are able to receive gifts from others that fill us with the courage we need to
that fill us with the courage we need to
that fill us with the courage we need to choose life in turn we are empowered to
choose life in turn we are empowered to
choose life in turn we are empowered to make decisions along the way that will
make decisions along the way that will
make decisions along the way that will inspire people to choose life as well
”
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