How cancer saved my life – Why crisis is an opportunity | Giulia Muntoni | TEDxHHL

it’s the summer of 2014 I’m sat on a

it’s the summer of 2014 I’m sat on a chair in the shade with family on alone

chair in the shade with family on alone

chair in the shade with family on alone by the sea in my hometown a man comes

by the sea in my hometown a man comes

by the sea in my hometown a man comes along here see me from afar and is if

along here see me from afar and is if

along here see me from afar and is if you recognize me he makes his way

you recognize me he makes his way

you recognize me he makes his way straight to where I am he points at my

straight to where I am he points at my

straight to where I am he points at my arm where a black stripe of fabric

arm where a black stripe of fabric

arm where a black stripe of fabric strategically hides the peak which is

strategically hides the peak which is

strategically hides the peak which is the central venous catheter from which I

the central venous catheter from which I

the central venous catheter from which I received chemotherapy a pink and gray

received chemotherapy a pink and gray

received chemotherapy a pink and gray headscarf is casually wrapped around my

headscarf is casually wrapped around my

headscarf is casually wrapped around my head my new hairstyle for the time being

head my new hairstyle for the time being

head my new hairstyle for the time being the man stares at me and cheerfully says

the man stares at me and cheerfully says

the man stares at me and cheerfully says to my mom

to my mom

to my mom congratulations black belt isn’t it I

congratulations black belt isn’t it I

congratulations black belt isn’t it I have to stop my mother’s urge to tell

have to stop my mother’s urge to tell

have to stop my mother’s urge to tell him just like a typical Italian that no

him just like a typical Italian that no

him just like a typical Italian that no is no karate my current specialty the

is no karate my current specialty the

is no karate my current specialty the day I was told I had breast cancer was a

day I was told I had breast cancer was a

day I was told I had breast cancer was a grey English day in November 2013 and

grey English day in November 2013 and

grey English day in November 2013 and although the actual watershed moment

although the actual watershed moment

although the actual watershed moment that I always refer to cane the

that I always refer to cane the

that I always refer to cane the following March the day of my mastectomy

following March the day of my mastectomy

following March the day of my mastectomy I’m still fond of that far cold

I’m still fond of that far cold

I’m still fond of that far cold afternoon because he was after all the

afternoon because he was after all the

afternoon because he was after all the beginning of my journey how would your

beginning of my journey how would your

beginning of my journey how would your life change if tomorrow you or someone

life change if tomorrow you or someone

life change if tomorrow you or someone you love received a cancer diagnosis the

you love received a cancer diagnosis the

you love received a cancer diagnosis the reputation of this illness is terrible

reputation of this illness is terrible

reputation of this illness is terrible indeed the taboo cancer equals death

indeed the taboo cancer equals death

indeed the taboo cancer equals death still makes many casualties among both

still makes many casualties among both

still makes many casualties among both sick and healthy people however this is

sick and healthy people however this is

sick and healthy people however this is a story about life mine has literally

a story about life mine has literally

a story about life mine has literally been a rebirth and not just because I

been a rebirth and not just because I

been a rebirth and not just because I survived it my existence until that

survived it my existence until that

survived it my existence until that moment had always felt like a struggle a

moment had always felt like a struggle a

moment had always felt like a struggle a struggle only I seem to be aware of I

struggle only I seem to be aware of I

struggle only I seem to be aware of I was focused and bright during my studies

was focused and bright during my studies

was focused and bright during my studies and later in

and later in

and later in jobs but I had no idea of what loving

jobs but I had no idea of what loving

jobs but I had no idea of what loving myself and completely accepting myself

myself and completely accepting myself

myself and completely accepting myself meant because I had always been loved

meant because I had always been loved

meant because I had always been loved with limitations there were not so much

with limitations there were not so much

with limitations there were not so much limitations in the content as in the

limitations in the content as in the

limitations in the content as in the communication but I didn’t know that and

communication but I didn’t know that and

communication but I didn’t know that and so I used to erect walls every time

so I used to erect walls every time

so I used to erect walls every time people seemed hostile or insensitive or

people seemed hostile or insensitive or

people seemed hostile or insensitive or if they judge me because I felt deep

if they judge me because I felt deep

if they judge me because I felt deep down that they were right I was never

down that they were right I was never

down that they were right I was never enough I never did enough I didn’t know

enough I never did enough I didn’t know

enough I never did enough I didn’t know how to grant myself the grace of

how to grant myself the grace of

how to grant myself the grace of forgiveness cancer saved my life in a

forgiveness cancer saved my life in a

forgiveness cancer saved my life in a matter of minutes all of my fears were

matter of minutes all of my fears were

matter of minutes all of my fears were swept away by an extraordinary ability

swept away by an extraordinary ability

swept away by an extraordinary ability to be present to myself

to be present to myself

to be present to myself a lucid peace a clear intent that has

a lucid peace a clear intent that has

a lucid peace a clear intent that has never left me since no even four

never left me since no even four

never left me since no even four surgeries

surgeries

surgeries and six months of chemo later you see

and six months of chemo later you see

and six months of chemo later you see I’m deeply persuaded of these every test

I’m deeply persuaded of these every test

I’m deeply persuaded of these every test hides a blessing because crisis is an

hides a blessing because crisis is an

hides a blessing because crisis is an opportunity we can only make peace with

opportunity we can only make peace with

opportunity we can only make peace with our true self

our true self

our true self once we know who we are but in order to

once we know who we are but in order to

once we know who we are but in order to know who we are

know who we are

know who we are we need to be challenged because only

we need to be challenged because only

we need to be challenged because only once we are pushed to our limits weary

once we are pushed to our limits weary

once we are pushed to our limits weary questioned everything we have and

questioned everything we have and

questioned everything we have and everything we are there is only one

everything we are there is only one

everything we are there is only one condition though we must be willing to

condition though we must be willing to

condition though we must be willing to learn there are endless lessons that I

learn there are endless lessons that I

learn there are endless lessons that I have learned in the last three years

have learned in the last three years

have learned in the last three years alone but if I had to say which is the

alone but if I had to say which is the

alone but if I had to say which is the core of my beliefs I would pick one

core of my beliefs I would pick one

core of my beliefs I would pick one concept the steel fits my actions and

concept the steel fits my actions and

concept the steel fits my actions and holds me hop like a huge centenary tree

holds me hop like a huge centenary tree

holds me hop like a huge centenary tree from which every other part branches off

from which every other part branches off

from which every other part branches off and the concept is that we are never

and the concept is that we are never

and the concept is that we are never completely powerless there are no magic

completely powerless there are no magic

completely powerless there are no magic tricks involved just one crucial element

tricks involved just one crucial element

tricks involved just one crucial element and that’s attitude most of the times

and that’s attitude most of the times

and that’s attitude most of the times attitude plays a major role in

attitude plays a major role in

attitude plays a major role in determining how events will unfold and

determining how events will unfold and

determining how events will unfold and it’s what can turn a curse into a

it’s what can turn a curse into a

it’s what can turn a curse into a blessing

there is a quote by Albert Einstein

there is a quote by Albert Einstein there are only two ways to live your

there are only two ways to live your

there are only two ways to live your life

life

life one is as though nothing is a miracle

one is as though nothing is a miracle

one is as though nothing is a miracle the other is as though everything is a

the other is as though everything is a

the other is as though everything is a miracle do you know this quote that’s

miracle do you know this quote that’s

miracle do you know this quote that’s the key even within the toughest

the key even within the toughest

the key even within the toughest experiences there is a fundamental

experiences there is a fundamental

experiences there is a fundamental difference between remaining stuck in a

difference between remaining stuck in a

difference between remaining stuck in a reaction and exercise is the infinite

reaction and exercise is the infinite

reaction and exercise is the infinite power of choice reaction is instinctive

power of choice reaction is instinctive

power of choice reaction is instinctive it often mirrors a mindset and just like

it often mirrors a mindset and just like

it often mirrors a mindset and just like habits it’s hard to change unescapable

habits it’s hard to change unescapable

habits it’s hard to change unescapable overwhelming but choice choice is what

overwhelming but choice choice is what

overwhelming but choice choice is what must come afterwards at any given moment

must come afterwards at any given moment

must come afterwards at any given moment we can choose to consider how we can

we can choose to consider how we can

we can choose to consider how we can affect what is happening to us

affect what is happening to us

affect what is happening to us this notion has changed completely the

this notion has changed completely the

this notion has changed completely the way that I relate to other people

way that I relate to other people

way that I relate to other people because now I choose carefully who and

because now I choose carefully who and

because now I choose carefully who and what can be in my life and the

what can be in my life and the

what can be in my life and the conditions that are good for me I will

conditions that are good for me I will

conditions that are good for me I will never change the person that I became

never change the person that I became

never change the person that I became after cancer to go back to any of the

after cancer to go back to any of the

after cancer to go back to any of the previous versions of myself every day in

previous versions of myself every day in

previous versions of myself every day in spite of everything my heart is full of

spite of everything my heart is full of

spite of everything my heart is full of satisfied joy for the challenges that I

satisfied joy for the challenges that I

satisfied joy for the challenges that I was able to face and for what I managed

was able to face and for what I managed

was able to face and for what I managed to share with the people that I choose

to share with the people that I choose

to share with the people that I choose to have by my side no matter how severe

to have by my side no matter how severe

to have by my side no matter how severe the threat to our peace is I think that

the threat to our peace is I think that

the threat to our peace is I think that we can always find a way through the

we can always find a way through the

we can always find a way through the havoc because there is a strength in us

havoc because there is a strength in us

havoc because there is a strength in us we didn’t even know we had any rests on

we didn’t even know we had any rests on

we didn’t even know we had any rests on two pillars always look after yourself

two pillars always look after yourself

two pillars always look after yourself first and never stop acting with empathy

one of the most powerful lessons that I

one of the most powerful lessons that I have learned is they by looking after

have learned is they by looking after

have learned is they by looking after myself first by being kind to myself

myself first by being kind to myself

myself first by being kind to myself first which often means refusing to be

first which often means refusing to be

first which often means refusing to be pushed in uncomfortable corners just to

pushed in uncomfortable corners just to

pushed in uncomfortable corners just to please others I was able to look after

please others I was able to look after

please others I was able to look after and love others more effectively

and love others more effectively

and love others more effectively and that’s because being so much more

and that’s because being so much more

and that’s because being so much more aware of my self-worth I no longer feel

aware of my self-worth I no longer feel

aware of my self-worth I no longer feel scared to love and to accept the

scared to love and to accept the

scared to love and to accept the inevitable risks that might come from

inevitable risks that might come from

inevitable risks that might come from investing in others

investing in others

investing in others I remember being struck by the evocative

I remember being struck by the evocative

I remember being struck by the evocative power of Steve Jobs words you can

power of Steve Jobs words you can

power of Steve Jobs words you can connect the dots looking forward you can

connect the dots looking forward you can

connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards so

only connect them looking backwards so

only connect them looking backwards so you have to trust that the dots will

you have to trust that the dots will

you have to trust that the dots will somehow reconnect in your future we

somehow reconnect in your future we

somehow reconnect in your future we can’t connect the dots looking forward

can’t connect the dots looking forward

can’t connect the dots looking forward that’s true but we can connect herself

that’s true but we can connect herself

that’s true but we can connect herself to others people have helped me during

to others people have helped me during

to others people have helped me during my cancer experience directly very often

my cancer experience directly very often

my cancer experience directly very often perfect strangers or people met randomly

perfect strangers or people met randomly

perfect strangers or people met randomly they’ve been able to connect with me and

they’ve been able to connect with me and

they’ve been able to connect with me and to help me more than my own family my

to help me more than my own family my

to help me more than my own family my mother’s reaction to my pain for example

mother’s reaction to my pain for example

mother’s reaction to my pain for example was so angry it’s so difficult for me to

was so angry it’s so difficult for me to

was so angry it’s so difficult for me to handle that is being one of the main

handle that is being one of the main

handle that is being one of the main challenges possibly much harder than the

challenges possibly much harder than the

challenges possibly much harder than the illness itself but I have also been very

illness itself but I have also been very

illness itself but I have also been very much helped indirectly by focusing my

much helped indirectly by focusing my

much helped indirectly by focusing my attention on what was happening to the

attention on what was happening to the

attention on what was happening to the people in my life I was reminded that it

people in my life I was reminded that it

people in my life I was reminded that it was still a world out there with its

was still a world out there with its

was still a world out there with its problems and his joy and that made me

problems and his joy and that made me

problems and his joy and that made me put my situation in perspective and even

put my situation in perspective and even

put my situation in perspective and even feel grateful I think that the only way

feel grateful I think that the only way

feel grateful I think that the only way that we can overcome anything together

that we can overcome anything together

that we can overcome anything together with really listening to our own needs

with really listening to our own needs

with really listening to our own needs it’s turning to others because by

it’s turning to others because by

it’s turning to others because by looking after them and receiving their

looking after them and receiving their

looking after them and receiving their inputs we build relationships and that

inputs we build relationships and that

inputs we build relationships and that reminds us so powerfully of how

reminds us so powerfully of how

reminds us so powerfully of how connected and how similar we all are of

connected and how similar we all are of

connected and how similar we all are of course no one is hopeful and grateful

course no one is hopeful and grateful

course no one is hopeful and grateful all the time today three years in I

all the time today three years in I

all the time today three years in I still face so many challenges if it is

still face so many challenges if it is

still face so many challenges if it is common knowledge the face in the

common knowledge the face in the

common knowledge the face in the therapies can be quite demanding no one

therapies can be quite demanding no one

therapies can be quite demanding no one ever talks about the afterwards

ever talks about the afterwards

ever talks about the afterwards once the chemo is over once the hair is

once the chemo is over once the hair is

once the chemo is over once the hair is grown back everyone wants to assume that

grown back everyone wants to assume that

grown back everyone wants to assume that you are well they make you understand

you are well they make you understand

you are well they make you understand that it is urgent

that it is urgent

that it is urgent going back to normality needless to say

going back to normality needless to say

going back to normality needless to say there is no longer a normality my

there is no longer a normality my

there is no longer a normality my normality now is ceasing the

normality now is ceasing the

normality now is ceasing the extraordinary within the ordinary but

extraordinary within the ordinary but

extraordinary within the ordinary but the truth is if no one ever talks about

the truth is if no one ever talks about

the truth is if no one ever talks about the afterwards is because there are no

the afterwards is because there are no

the afterwards is because there are no magic tricks or rules to face it

suddenly I was an orphan over routine

suddenly I was an orphan over routine made up of dates therapies meetings they

made up of dates therapies meetings they

made up of dates therapies meetings they had become familiar almost comforting my

had become familiar almost comforting my

had become familiar almost comforting my body is a different geography now the

body is a different geography now the

body is a different geography now the chronic fatigue left our months of chemo

chronic fatigue left our months of chemo

chronic fatigue left our months of chemo he’s made even worse by the side effects

he’s made even worse by the side effects

he’s made even worse by the side effects of the hormone therapy which steals my

of the hormone therapy which steals my

of the hormone therapy which steals my thoughts my sleep it makes even normal

thoughts my sleep it makes even normal

thoughts my sleep it makes even normal activities and effort not to mention how

activities and effort not to mention how

activities and effort not to mention how superficial people can be whether they

superficial people can be whether they

superficial people can be whether they are healthy or seek friends or strangers

are healthy or seek friends or strangers

are healthy or seek friends or strangers sometimes their carelessness as the

sometimes their carelessness as the

sometimes their carelessness as the power to anger me and he contracts my

power to anger me and he contracts my

power to anger me and he contracts my heart in a painful spasm even though I

heart in a painful spasm even though I

heart in a painful spasm even though I have known and overcome a serious

have known and overcome a serious

have known and overcome a serious illness even though in the last three

illness even though in the last three

illness even though in the last three years I have more than one cried all of

years I have more than one cried all of

years I have more than one cried all of my tears for each of the super brave

my tears for each of the super brave

my tears for each of the super brave warriors that I had to let go of forever

warriors that I had to let go of forever

warriors that I had to let go of forever after all a wound is still a wound and

after all a wound is still a wound and

after all a wound is still a wound and he hurts even on a body that went

he hurts even on a body that went

he hurts even on a body that went through amputation even on a soul that

through amputation even on a soul that

through amputation even on a soul that learned how to fly and so so I made a

learned how to fly and so so I made a

learned how to fly and so so I made a decision and I decided that I was going

decision and I decided that I was going

decision and I decided that I was going to become the super brave warrior of my

to become the super brave warrior of my

to become the super brave warrior of my life and so can you

life and so can you

life and so can you traumatic events can transform your life

traumatic events can transform your life

traumatic events can transform your life overnight so how can I still of mine

overnight so how can I still of mine

overnight so how can I still of mine unconditionally despite so many changes

unconditionally despite so many changes

unconditionally despite so many changes might not have been for the best

might not have been for the best

might not have been for the best what’s left in front of death sickness

what’s left in front of death sickness

what’s left in front of death sickness in front of his cruciate in memories

in front of his cruciate in memories

in front of his cruciate in memories what is left

what is left

what is left besides emptiness and fear me I am

besides emptiness and fear me I am

besides emptiness and fear me I am what’s left

what’s left

what’s left I’m the reborn I’m the witness of life

I’m the reborn I’m the witness of life

I’m the reborn I’m the witness of life it’s only when I try to assess where I

it’s only when I try to assess where I

it’s only when I try to assess where I was at that he don’t own me despite

was at that he don’t own me despite

was at that he don’t own me despite having been reborn roughly three years

having been reborn roughly three years

having been reborn roughly three years ago there will still be so many ways in

ago there will still be so many ways in

ago there will still be so many ways in which I might lose myself and then find

which I might lose myself and then find

which I might lose myself and then find myself again and what’s more important

myself again and what’s more important

myself again and what’s more important these two things may often happen at the

these two things may often happen at the

these two things may often happen at the same time I can never take for granted

same time I can never take for granted

same time I can never take for granted the knowledge of Who I am

the knowledge of Who I am

the knowledge of Who I am it’s not true that others makes us feel

it’s not true that others makes us feel

it’s not true that others makes us feel powerless hangry humiliated it’s we are

powerless hangry humiliated it’s we are

powerless hangry humiliated it’s we are self who makes this possible it’s we who

self who makes this possible it’s we who

self who makes this possible it’s we who abdicate

abdicate

abdicate after all our power to stand by the door

after all our power to stand by the door

after all our power to stand by the door of our soul and deny unwelcome people

of our soul and deny unwelcome people

of our soul and deny unwelcome people the entry I think that there is a source

the entry I think that there is a source

the entry I think that there is a source of immense joy that comes from our will

of immense joy that comes from our will

of immense joy that comes from our will to learn repeatedly how to look at the

to learn repeatedly how to look at the

to learn repeatedly how to look at the same things from different points of

same things from different points of

same things from different points of view sometimes seizing the moment has

view sometimes seizing the moment has

view sometimes seizing the moment has more to do with the moment they will let

more to do with the moment they will let

more to do with the moment they will let go of that with the moment we embrace so

go of that with the moment we embrace so

go of that with the moment we embrace so that we can respect their power and

that we can respect their power and

that we can respect their power and slowness that we need or the others

slowness that we need or the others

slowness that we need or the others might require sometimes if love is real

might require sometimes if love is real

might require sometimes if love is real love he needs nothing else but to be

love he needs nothing else but to be

love he needs nothing else but to be expressed now I get it

expressed now I get it

expressed now I get it serenity should not be shouted aloud it

serenity should not be shouted aloud it

serenity should not be shouted aloud it should be offered as a gift it’s as if

should be offered as a gift it’s as if

should be offered as a gift it’s as if we turned on the light in a dark crowded

we turned on the light in a dark crowded

we turned on the light in a dark crowded room it doesn’t just help us to find a

room it doesn’t just help us to find a

room it doesn’t just help us to find a direction at the bottom of my darkest

direction at the bottom of my darkest

direction at the bottom of my darkest times I learned the difference between

times I learned the difference between

times I learned the difference between being alive and feeling alive and I

being alive and feeling alive and I

being alive and feeling alive and I truly hope you do too whenever something

truly hope you do too whenever something

truly hope you do too whenever something happens in your lives that makes you

happens in your lives that makes you

happens in your lives that makes you feel powerless

feel powerless

feel powerless cancer was the way that I had to go

cancer was the way that I had to go

cancer was the way that I had to go along in order to cut the unhealthy

along in order to cut the unhealthy

along in order to cut the unhealthy chains in my life and realize the true

chains in my life and realize the true

chains in my life and realize the true peace can only come from the inside out

peace can only come from the inside out

peace can only come from the inside out but it doesn’t have to be an illness

but it doesn’t have to be an illness

but it doesn’t have to be an illness whatever challenge you might be faced it

whatever challenge you might be faced it

whatever challenge you might be faced it confront it own it go all the way fight

confront it own it go all the way fight

confront it own it go all the way fight the good fight because that crisis might

the good fight because that crisis might

the good fight because that crisis might just be the greatest opportunity of your

just be the greatest opportunity of your

just be the greatest opportunity of your lives

lives

lives if I hadn’t owned my illness I too would

if I hadn’t owned my illness I too would

if I hadn’t owned my illness I too would have probably been overwhelmed by fear

have probably been overwhelmed by fear

have probably been overwhelmed by fear in front of that equation cancer equals

in front of that equation cancer equals

in front of that equation cancer equals death butt-ass I decided to see it for

death butt-ass I decided to see it for

death butt-ass I decided to see it for myself and ultimately trust only my

myself and ultimately trust only my

myself and ultimately trust only my instinct it changed and for me actually

instinct it changed and for me actually

instinct it changed and for me actually cancer became a rebirth the poet Gibran

cancer became a rebirth the poet Gibran

cancer became a rebirth the poet Gibran expresses the way I feel by talking of

expresses the way I feel by talking of

expresses the way I feel by talking of waking a dawn with a winged heart and

waking a dawn with a winged heart and

waking a dawn with a winged heart and giving thanks for another day of loving

giving thanks for another day of loving

giving thanks for another day of loving so do not be afraid if a hardship causes

so do not be afraid if a hardship causes

so do not be afraid if a hardship causes you to request an everything you have

you to request an everything you have

you to request an everything you have and everything you are waked on with a

and everything you are waked on with a

and everything you are waked on with a winged heart and give thanks for another

winged heart and give thanks for another

winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving thank you

day of loving thank you

day of loving thank you [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]