just say no one of the smallest words and yet one of the hardest words I have
and yet one of the hardest words I have
and yet one of the hardest words I have to say I’ll admit in giving this talk
to say I’ll admit in giving this talk
to say I’ll admit in giving this talk today and telling my friends what the
today and telling my friends what the
today and telling my friends what the topic was they laughed at the irony they
topic was they laughed at the irony they
topic was they laughed at the irony they said that’s hilarious malsky because you
said that’s hilarious malsky because you
said that’s hilarious malsky because you can’t say no and I’ll admit at first my
can’t say no and I’ll admit at first my
can’t say no and I’ll admit at first my feelings were kind of hurt because your
feelings were kind of hurt because your
feelings were kind of hurt because your friends are supposed to believe in you
friends are supposed to believe in you
friends are supposed to believe in you but they already knew the secret that
but they already knew the secret that
but they already knew the secret that wasn’t so secret which was that I can’t
wasn’t so secret which was that I can’t
wasn’t so secret which was that I can’t say no I don’t want to say no to
say no I don’t want to say no to
say no I don’t want to say no to possibilities or professional
possibilities or professional
possibilities or professional opportunities but I know that I’m also
opportunities but I know that I’m also
opportunities but I know that I’m also tired I’m feeling exhausted that I’m
tired I’m feeling exhausted that I’m
tired I’m feeling exhausted that I’m eating stress for breakfast lunch and
eating stress for breakfast lunch and
eating stress for breakfast lunch and dinner and so I realized if we take this
dinner and so I realized if we take this
dinner and so I realized if we take this narrative back a couple of years that
narrative back a couple of years that
narrative back a couple of years that there were murmurs small murmurs that
there were murmurs small murmurs that
there were murmurs small murmurs that were tugging at my sleeve telling me
were tugging at my sleeve telling me
were tugging at my sleeve telling me that it was time to slow down but there
that it was time to slow down but there
that it was time to slow down but there was no time to slow down about two years
was no time to slow down about two years
was no time to slow down about two years ago I found myself at the height of busy
ago I found myself at the height of busy
ago I found myself at the height of busy busy looked like any other year really
busy looked like any other year really
busy looked like any other year really for me which was in essence changing
for me which was in essence changing
for me which was in essence changing jobs I was changing a job that I
jobs I was changing a job that I
jobs I was changing a job that I absolutely loved but I was moving on to
absolutely loved but I was moving on to
absolutely loved but I was moving on to a new adventure of teaching teachers
a new adventure of teaching teachers
a new adventure of teaching teachers which is of course another passion of
which is of course another passion of
which is of course another passion of mine but I was also finishing my
mine but I was also finishing my
mine but I was also finishing my master’s degree and for good measure of
master’s degree and for good measure of
master’s degree and for good measure of course just to stay at the height of
course just to stay at the height of
course just to stay at the height of busy I thought I would also plan and get
busy I thought I would also plan and get
busy I thought I would also plan and get married that summer so busy was what I
married that summer so busy was what I
married that summer so busy was what I was and yet there was no other word to
was and yet there was no other word to
was and yet there was no other word to replace busy and this is what happened
replace busy and this is what happened
replace busy and this is what happened even into the years following now that I
even into the years following now that I
even into the years following now that I find myself occupied with my doctoral
find myself occupied with my doctoral
find myself occupied with my doctoral work and the work that I’m currently
work and the work that I’m currently
work and the work that I’m currently doing as an instructional coach busy is
doing as an instructional coach busy is
doing as an instructional coach busy is just busy people would ask me cat how’s
just busy people would ask me cat how’s
just busy people would ask me cat how’s work going I said busy how was work in
work going I said busy how was work in
work going I said busy how was work in school and life going and there was no
school and life going and there was no
school and life going and there was no other word to replace it so I did what I
other word to replace it so I did what I
other word to replace it so I did what I thought would be the best thing to do
thought would be the best thing to do
thought would be the best thing to do I’ll just replace the word if I shift
I’ll just replace the word if I shift
I’ll just replace the word if I shift the paradigm of busy just by simply
the paradigm of busy just by simply
the paradigm of busy just by simply replacing it then busy doesn’t exist
replacing it then busy doesn’t exist
replacing it then busy doesn’t exist anymore
anymore
anymore so I would be asked again how is life
so I would be asked again how is life
so I would be asked again how is life busy how’s work how’s school busy there
busy how’s work how’s school busy there
busy how’s work how’s school busy there was no way to get rid of this word it
was no way to get rid of this word it
was no way to get rid of this word it was an absolute curse I had somehow
was an absolute curse I had somehow
was an absolute curse I had somehow glorified busy and yet I knew in my
glorified busy and yet I knew in my
glorified busy and yet I knew in my heart that I was tired of the
heart that I was tired of the
heart that I was tired of the metaphorical cafeteria line of taking
metaphorical cafeteria line of taking
metaphorical cafeteria line of taking second helpings of stress exhaustion
second helpings of stress exhaustion
second helpings of stress exhaustion with no side of chill so I did the next
with no side of chill so I did the next
with no side of chill so I did the next best thing I thought you know as a good
best thing I thought you know as a good
best thing I thought you know as a good multitasker I would start some calendar
multitasker I would start some calendar
multitasker I would start some calendar reminders for myself on my phone so this
reminders for myself on my phone so this
reminders for myself on my phone so this is from my own phone I thought okay if I
is from my own phone I thought okay if I
is from my own phone I thought okay if I need to write every day I’ll write every
need to write every day I’ll write every
need to write every day I’ll write every day and so ding 9 a.m. this would pop up
day and so ding 9 a.m. this would pop up
day and so ding 9 a.m. this would pop up and I was ready but I didn’t write and
and I was ready but I didn’t write and
and I was ready but I didn’t write and then this spilled in and of course into
then this spilled in and of course into
then this spilled in and of course into my exercise which also didn’t happen
my exercise which also didn’t happen
my exercise which also didn’t happen true story true story right and so this
true story true story right and so this
true story true story right and so this was realistically what would pop up on
was realistically what would pop up on
was realistically what would pop up on my phone every morning and for those of
my phone every morning and for those of
my phone every morning and for those of us that lived in the era when the phone
us that lived in the era when the phone
us that lived in the era when the phone was on the wall the cord reached into
was on the wall the cord reached into
was on the wall the cord reached into the living room we had a nice
the living room we had a nice
the living room we had a nice satisfaction of when we saw something I
satisfaction of when we saw something I
satisfaction of when we saw something I heard something we didn’t want we could
heard something we didn’t want we could
heard something we didn’t want we could just have that satisfaction slapping it
just have that satisfaction slapping it
just have that satisfaction slapping it down but with obviously these flat smart
down but with obviously these flat smart
down but with obviously these flat smart phones this doesn’t cut it anymore
phones this doesn’t cut it anymore
phones this doesn’t cut it anymore and so this spilt in even further and I
and so this spilt in even further and I
and so this spilt in even further and I didn’t really realize how far down the
didn’t really realize how far down the
didn’t really realize how far down the rabbit hole I was until my last dentist
rabbit hole I was until my last dentist
rabbit hole I was until my last dentist appointment and that’s that’s really
appointment and that’s that’s really
appointment and that’s that’s really when it struck me that if I was going to
when it struck me that if I was going to
when it struck me that if I was going to have to remind myself of some of the
have to remind myself of some of the
have to remind myself of some of the absolutely daily things this needed to
absolutely daily things this needed to
absolutely daily things this needed to change but I wasn’t ready I didn’t want
change but I wasn’t ready I didn’t want
change but I wasn’t ready I didn’t want to change I was getting used to the
to change I was getting used to the
to change I was getting used to the glorification of busy and I felt as
glorification of busy and I felt as
glorification of busy and I felt as though I could manage it but there were
though I could manage it but there were
though I could manage it but there were other murmurs there were things in my
other murmurs there were things in my
other murmurs there were things in my life illness I was getting sick all the
life illness I was getting sick all the
life illness I was getting sick all the time I was getting tired of being sick
time I was getting tired of being sick
time I was getting tired of being sick and tired and so I also realized as the
and tired and so I also realized as the
and tired and so I also realized as the tugs on the sleeve came by that I was
tugs on the sleeve came by that I was
tugs on the sleeve came by that I was losing connection with friends family
losing connection with friends family
losing connection with friends family loved ones I missed out on time with
loved ones I missed out on time with
loved ones I missed out on time with these people and
these people and
these people and wanted to become a better friend
wanted to become a better friend
wanted to become a better friend colleague wife daughter and so when I
colleague wife daughter and so when I
colleague wife daughter and so when I knew that I was losing connection I
knew that I was losing connection I
knew that I was losing connection I wanted to try and regain this back but
wanted to try and regain this back but
wanted to try and regain this back but he didn’t know where to start I was
he didn’t know where to start I was
he didn’t know where to start I was still really frustrated with this whole
still really frustrated with this whole
still really frustrated with this whole busy paradigm I needed courage courage
busy paradigm I needed courage courage
busy paradigm I needed courage courage to me means that I’m going to go and do
to me means that I’m going to go and do
to me means that I’m going to go and do something that absolutely scares me
something that absolutely scares me
something that absolutely scares me case in point with you today however I
case in point with you today however I
case in point with you today however I didn’t have the courage yet but I knew
didn’t have the courage yet but I knew
didn’t have the courage yet but I knew that I was going to have to do something
that I was going to have to do something
that I was going to have to do something that scared me which was saying no but
that scared me which was saying no but
that scared me which was saying no but in saying no I was still scared because
in saying no I was still scared because
in saying no I was still scared because I felt like I was gonna lose out saying
I felt like I was gonna lose out saying
I felt like I was gonna lose out saying no meant that I was gonna lose out on
no meant that I was gonna lose out on
no meant that I was gonna lose out on opportunities I had prided myself on my
opportunities I had prided myself on my
opportunities I had prided myself on my work ethic on how far I had gotten so
work ethic on how far I had gotten so
work ethic on how far I had gotten so far that I didn’t want to stop but other
far that I didn’t want to stop but other
far that I didn’t want to stop but other things were telling me that I needed to
things were telling me that I needed to
things were telling me that I needed to and so here I stood out of personal
and so here I stood out of personal
and so here I stood out of personal crossroads on one hand I was a
crossroads on one hand I was a
crossroads on one hand I was a self-identified workaholic and to a
self-identified workaholic and to a
self-identified workaholic and to a certain degree I still AM I’m not
certain degree I still AM I’m not
certain degree I still AM I’m not perfect isn’t that the point and on the
perfect isn’t that the point and on the
perfect isn’t that the point and on the other hand I had all this personal
other hand I had all this personal
other hand I had all this personal freedom that I had loved I was missing
freedom that I had loved I was missing
freedom that I had loved I was missing out on passions of volunteering or just
out on passions of volunteering or just
out on passions of volunteering or just spending more time with friends and
spending more time with friends and
spending more time with friends and being present in that moment without
being present in that moment without
being present in that moment without having to think about other things that
having to think about other things that
having to think about other things that were going to happen that day and so
even though I was upset that I had let
even though I was upset that I had let my busy dictate my happy I knew that I
my busy dictate my happy I knew that I
my busy dictate my happy I knew that I needed to make changes and so I started
needed to make changes and so I started
needed to make changes and so I started for any of you that resonate this
for any of you that resonate this
for any of you that resonate this resonates to you right now
resonates to you right now
resonates to you right now we all know that some of the sweetest
we all know that some of the sweetest
we all know that some of the sweetest victories start small and so I did the
victories start small and so I did the
victories start small and so I did the first thing that I brought back was
first thing that I brought back was
first thing that I brought back was exercise now exercise and I we’ve known
exercise now exercise and I we’ve known
exercise now exercise and I we’ve known each other for a really long time
each other for a really long time
each other for a really long time we’ve gone out for coffee several times
we’ve gone out for coffee several times
we’ve gone out for coffee several times we know each other’s facebook profiles
we know each other’s facebook profiles
we know each other’s facebook profiles we’ve creeped each other we know and yet
we’ve creeped each other we know and yet
we’ve creeped each other we know and yet it was time to define the relationship
it was time to define the relationship
it was time to define the relationship and so I’m happy to tell you today as I
and so I’m happy to tell you today as I
and so I’m happy to tell you today as I stand here we’re going steady
stand here we’re going steady
stand here we’re going steady yeah and so what that means for me is
yeah and so what that means for me is
yeah and so what that means for me is that in essence we don’t see each other
that in essence we don’t see each other
that in essence we don’t see each other every day but we’re at least making time
every day but we’re at least making time
every day but we’re at least making time for each other
for each other
for each other and that’s what counts because with
and that’s what counts because with
and that’s what counts because with exercise came more creativity which then
exercise came more creativity which then
exercise came more creativity which then spilled back into my professional life I
spilled back into my professional life I
spilled back into my professional life I mean I I love exercising because there
mean I I love exercising because there
mean I I love exercising because there was clarity of mind more car ride
was clarity of mind more car ride
was clarity of mind more car ride manifestos I was singing in the car
manifestos I was singing in the car
manifestos I was singing in the car again I didn’t sing when I was stressed
again I didn’t sing when I was stressed
again I didn’t sing when I was stressed out you know the private space with the
out you know the private space with the
out you know the private space with the four to six windows either way I was
four to six windows either way I was
four to six windows either way I was bringing that back and that was making
bringing that back and that was making
bringing that back and that was making me happy and more productive but also
me happy and more productive but also
me happy and more productive but also felt like I was gaining some wellness in
felt like I was gaining some wellness in
felt like I was gaining some wellness in my life another thing I started doing
my life another thing I started doing
my life another thing I started doing was writing my narratives this of course
was writing my narratives this of course
was writing my narratives this of course teared into some of my doctoral work
teared into some of my doctoral work
teared into some of my doctoral work currently but I was writing about my
currently but I was writing about my
currently but I was writing about my life about my adolescence but also
life about my adolescence but also
life about my adolescence but also learnings that I was having not only as
learnings that I was having not only as
learnings that I was having not only as a teacher educator but also just as a
a teacher educator but also just as a
a teacher educator but also just as a daughter or wife and these writings
daughter or wife and these writings
daughter or wife and these writings brought me so much joy and so I kept
brought me so much joy and so I kept
brought me so much joy and so I kept this to myself
this to myself
this to myself however the writing certainly opened up
however the writing certainly opened up
however the writing certainly opened up new windows for me another thing I did
new windows for me another thing I did
new windows for me another thing I did was I started keeping a journal of
was I started keeping a journal of
was I started keeping a journal of gratitude not a lot of writing simply
gratitude not a lot of writing simply
gratitude not a lot of writing simply writing one thing down everyday that
writing one thing down everyday that
writing one thing down everyday that brought me joy or that I was absolutely
brought me joy or that I was absolutely
brought me joy or that I was absolutely grateful for and in doing this I felt as
grateful for and in doing this I felt as
grateful for and in doing this I felt as though I was able to ground myself I was
though I was able to ground myself I was
though I was able to ground myself I was able to see what was more important if
able to see what was more important if
able to see what was more important if we looked at this at a metaphoric beach
we looked at this at a metaphoric beach
we looked at this at a metaphoric beach of life we’d be able to look at the
of life we’d be able to look at the
of life we’d be able to look at the landscapes the larger pieces rather than
landscapes the larger pieces rather than
landscapes the larger pieces rather than always focusing on the background noise
always focusing on the background noise
always focusing on the background noise or the tiny granules of sand that we’re
or the tiny granules of sand that we’re
or the tiny granules of sand that we’re in between my toes this all helped me
in between my toes this all helped me
in between my toes this all helped me and I started to feel like I was gaining
and I started to feel like I was gaining
and I started to feel like I was gaining some ground in the wellness area and yet
some ground in the wellness area and yet
some ground in the wellness area and yet FOMO was still there the fear of missing
FOMO was still there the fear of missing
FOMO was still there the fear of missing out is still something that tugs at me
out is still something that tugs at me
out is still something that tugs at me it’s the obligations it’s the stress
it’s the obligations it’s the stress
it’s the obligations it’s the stress it’s these other pieces they’re the
it’s these other pieces they’re the
it’s these other pieces they’re the murmurs these things that don’t
murmurs these things that don’t
murmurs these things that don’t necessarily roar at you but they say hey
necessarily roar at you but they say hey
necessarily roar at you but they say hey you need to be here or you need to need
you need to be here or you need to need
you need to be here or you need to need to need to and so I wanted to try and
to need to and so I wanted to try and
to need to and so I wanted to try and calm those down as much as I could with
calm those down as much as I could with
calm those down as much as I could with regaining some of my wellness and so I
regaining some of my wellness and so I
regaining some of my wellness and so I dug in just a little bit deeper I took a
dug in just a little bit deeper I took a
dug in just a little bit deeper I took a little bit of a technological sabbatical
little bit of a technological sabbatical
little bit of a technological sabbatical I know that sounds
I know that sounds
I know that sounds harsh but it’s not it doesn’t mean that
harsh but it’s not it doesn’t mean that
harsh but it’s not it doesn’t mean that I’m not still keeping up with my dog’s
I’m not still keeping up with my dog’s
I’m not still keeping up with my dog’s Facebook or Instagram account it just
Facebook or Instagram account it just
Facebook or Instagram account it just means that I’ve taken some time to be
means that I’ve taken some time to be
means that I’ve taken some time to be mindful of when I’m on my devices how
mindful of when I’m on my devices how
mindful of when I’m on my devices how often I’m spending time in front of a
often I’m spending time in front of a
often I’m spending time in front of a computer screen when am i checking email
computer screen when am i checking email
computer screen when am i checking email I’m not checking email anymore past 6
I’m not checking email anymore past 6
I’m not checking email anymore past 6 o’clock I’ve made some rules and
o’clock I’ve made some rules and
o’clock I’ve made some rules and boundaries for myself but they don’t
boundaries for myself but they don’t
boundaries for myself but they don’t always work for everyone which is why I
always work for everyone which is why I
always work for everyone which is why I introduced to you multitasking because
introduced to you multitasking because
introduced to you multitasking because that’s the personalized piece it’s what
that’s the personalized piece it’s what
that’s the personalized piece it’s what brings back the idea that you you as
brings back the idea that you you as
brings back the idea that you you as yourselves will find ways to be
yourselves will find ways to be
yourselves will find ways to be productive but also to attend to the
productive but also to attend to the
productive but also to attend to the Wellness that is the most important
Wellness that is the most important
Wellness that is the most important piece work for you as an individual I
piece work for you as an individual I
piece work for you as an individual I can’t say that I do it all the time I
can’t say that I do it all the time I
can’t say that I do it all the time I can’t say that I don’t say no all the
can’t say that I don’t say no all the
can’t say that I don’t say no all the time I do say yes but I also say no when
time I do say yes but I also say no when
time I do say yes but I also say no when I know that I need to safeguard what is
I know that I need to safeguard what is
I know that I need to safeguard what is the most important thing to me sometimes
the most important thing to me sometimes
the most important thing to me sometimes my health and so I encourage you all to
my health and so I encourage you all to
my health and so I encourage you all to have the courage to look inward to
have the courage to look inward to
have the courage to look inward to self-reflect to look upon your lives and
self-reflect to look upon your lives and
self-reflect to look upon your lives and see where it is that you need to maybe
see where it is that you need to maybe
see where it is that you need to maybe make some changes or things are going
make some changes or things are going
make some changes or things are going just great
just great
just great wellness is something that we all can
wellness is something that we all can
wellness is something that we all can have but it’s not necessarily something
have but it’s not necessarily something
have but it’s not necessarily something that we all can attend to at the same
that we all can attend to at the same
that we all can attend to at the same time or in the same way it is such a
time or in the same way it is such a
time or in the same way it is such a beautiful struggle to look at what it is
beautiful struggle to look at what it is
beautiful struggle to look at what it is that you need to change it’s also a
that you need to change it’s also a
that you need to change it’s also a beautiful privilege to be able to look
beautiful privilege to be able to look
beautiful privilege to be able to look inward to self-reflect to know that you
inward to self-reflect to know that you
inward to self-reflect to know that you can make changes it’s such a beautiful
can make changes it’s such a beautiful
can make changes it’s such a beautiful privilege to be able to walk with
privilege to be able to walk with
privilege to be able to walk with oneself with authenticity thank you
oneself with authenticity thank you
oneself with authenticity thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] you
you
you [Applause]
”
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