last March I was right here in Gaston Hall attending the ownit summit after
Hall attending the ownit summit after
Hall attending the ownit summit after the end of the first panel I decided I
the end of the first panel I decided I
the end of the first panel I decided I wanted to go outside and call my mom to
wanted to go outside and call my mom to
wanted to go outside and call my mom to talk to her about all the super awesome
talk to her about all the super awesome
talk to her about all the super awesome feminist woman who were doing the kind
feminist woman who were doing the kind
feminist woman who were doing the kind of thing I wanted to be doing 10 20 30
of thing I wanted to be doing 10 20 30
of thing I wanted to be doing 10 20 30 years from now woman who were actively
years from now woman who were actively
years from now woman who were actively working to create a space for themselves
working to create a space for themselves
working to create a space for themselves and for future woman like myself I was
and for future woman like myself I was
and for future woman like myself I was so excited to talk to her until I heard
so excited to talk to her until I heard
so excited to talk to her until I heard her voice I knew that tone of voice mama
her voice I knew that tone of voice mama
her voice I knew that tone of voice mama what’s wrong nothing’s wrong habibti I
what’s wrong nothing’s wrong habibti I
what’s wrong nothing’s wrong habibti I love my things wrong mama you’re crying
love my things wrong mama you’re crying
love my things wrong mama you’re crying what’s wrong I’m just I’m just sad about
what’s wrong I’m just I’m just sad about
what’s wrong I’m just I’m just sad about things back home don’t worry about me
things back home don’t worry about me
things back home don’t worry about me though nothing’s wrong I’m just I’m okay
though nothing’s wrong I’m just I’m okay
though nothing’s wrong I’m just I’m okay focus on your studies you’re a senior
focus on your studies you’re a senior
focus on your studies you’re a senior everything is gonna be okay
everything is gonna be okay
everything is gonna be okay I knew not to take my mom’s words at
I knew not to take my mom’s words at
I knew not to take my mom’s words at face value
face value
face value I knew that tone of voice that would it
I knew that tone of voice that would it
I knew that tone of voice that would it was the tone of voice that comes from
was the tone of voice that comes from
was the tone of voice that comes from the gut-wrenching pain of losing a loved
the gut-wrenching pain of losing a loved
the gut-wrenching pain of losing a loved one I decided to call my little sister
one I decided to call my little sister
one I decided to call my little sister Fatma
Fatma
Fatma I spoke to mama I heard her voice who
I spoke to mama I heard her voice who
I spoke to mama I heard her voice who was it who died this time it was
was it who died this time it was
was it who died this time it was Mohammad who let Hani our maternal
Mohammad who let Hani our maternal
Mohammad who let Hani our maternal cousin this was the third cousin we lose
cousin this was the third cousin we lose
cousin this was the third cousin we lose in the span of three months I can’t even
in the span of three months I can’t even
in the span of three months I can’t even keep count how many family members we’ve
keep count how many family members we’ve
keep count how many family members we’ve lost over the past two years I was born
lost over the past two years I was born
lost over the past two years I was born in Benghazi Libya most of my family
in Benghazi Libya most of my family
in Benghazi Libya most of my family lived there until they were displaced in
lived there until they were displaced in
lived there until they were displaced in 2014 because of a civil war that no one
2014 because of a civil war that no one
2014 because of a civil war that no one wanted starting October 15th 2015
wanted starting October 15th 2015
wanted starting October 15th 2015 we’ve been continuously losing family
we’ve been continuously losing family
we’ve been continuously losing family members and loved ones to a civil war
members and loved ones to a civil war
members and loved ones to a civil war that no one wanted I still feel the pain
that no one wanted I still feel the pain
that no one wanted I still feel the pain of each loss still feel it right here
of each loss still feel it right here
of each loss still feel it right here but more than the pain I feel guilt you
but more than the pain I feel guilt you
but more than the pain I feel guilt you see there’s a survivor’s guilt that
see there’s a survivor’s guilt that
see there’s a survivor’s guilt that comes during times of war and I feel it
comes during times of war and I feel it
comes during times of war and I feel it exponentially how is it my family are
exponentially how is it my family are
exponentially how is it my family are trying to live escaping the horrors of
trying to live escaping the horrors of
trying to live escaping the horrors of war while I’m at Georgetown what did I
war while I’m at Georgetown what did I
war while I’m at Georgetown what did I do to deserve this level of privilege to
do to deserve this level of privilege to
do to deserve this level of privilege to make things worse I didn’t have the
make things worse I didn’t have the
make things worse I didn’t have the language to speak about this type of
language to speak about this type of
language to speak about this type of guilt to my friends which only isolated
guilt to my friends which only isolated
guilt to my friends which only isolated anymore
anymore
anymore I felt guilty for the smiles at a crack
I felt guilty for the smiles at a crack
I felt guilty for the smiles at a crack joke I felt guilty for the stress of
joke I felt guilty for the stress of
joke I felt guilty for the stress of midterms because my cousin’s didn’t
midterms because my cousin’s didn’t
midterms because my cousin’s didn’t hadn’t even gone to school for the past
hadn’t even gone to school for the past
hadn’t even gone to school for the past couple of years and I couldn’t talk to
couple of years and I couldn’t talk to
couple of years and I couldn’t talk to this about my I couldn’t talk about this
this about my I couldn’t talk about this
this about my I couldn’t talk about this to my friends because we’ve been taught
to my friends because we’ve been taught
to my friends because we’ve been taught to value problem-solving overactive
to value problem-solving overactive
to value problem-solving overactive empathy so every time I would talk to
empathy so every time I would talk to
empathy so every time I would talk to talk to someone about this they try to
talk to someone about this they try to
talk to someone about this they try to come up with some solution which was
come up with some solution which was
come up with some solution which was never really a solution only isolating
never really a solution only isolating
never really a solution only isolating me more
me more
me more I still remember one specific instance
I still remember one specific instance
I still remember one specific instance of this I was talking to one of my best
of this I was talking to one of my best
of this I was talking to one of my best friends whom I loved dearly
friends whom I loved dearly
friends whom I loved dearly about this and she said maybe I should
about this and she said maybe I should
about this and she said maybe I should consider learning to forgive she started
consider learning to forgive she started
consider learning to forgive she started reading doesn’t lead to two quotes to me
reading doesn’t lead to two quotes to me
reading doesn’t lead to two quotes to me which only infuriated me more how dare
which only infuriated me more how dare
which only infuriated me more how dare you how dare you ask me to forgive when
you how dare you ask me to forgive when
you how dare you ask me to forgive when my cousins were taken away from their
my cousins were taken away from their
my cousins were taken away from their mothers how dare you ask me to forgive
mothers how dare you ask me to forgive
mothers how dare you ask me to forgive when my family home was burned to a
when my family home was burned to a
when my family home was burned to a crisp how dare you ask me to forgive
crisp how dare you ask me to forgive
crisp how dare you ask me to forgive when I still hear the crack in my aunt’s
when I still hear the crack in my aunt’s
when I still hear the crack in my aunt’s voice every time her son’s name is
voice every time her son’s name is
voice every time her son’s name is mentioned
she took a moment and then responded but
she took a moment and then responded but how will you heal how will your country
how will you heal how will your country
how will you heal how will your country heal you see by that point I’d perfected
heal you see by that point I’d perfected
heal you see by that point I’d perfected the art of I’m fine every time someone
the art of I’m fine every time someone
the art of I’m fine every time someone would ask me about this don’t worry
would ask me about this don’t worry
would ask me about this don’t worry about me I’m fine don’t worry
about me I’m fine don’t worry
about me I’m fine don’t worry and the little smile to look to assure
and the little smile to look to assure
and the little smile to look to assure all my friends that everything was ok
all my friends that everything was ok
all my friends that everything was ok and that they didn’t need to feel guilty
and that they didn’t need to feel guilty
and that they didn’t need to feel guilty for not being around me all the time
for not being around me all the time
for not being around me all the time after all the losses I’m fine well good
after all the losses I’m fine well good
after all the losses I’m fine well good know about it but every time I did that
know about it but every time I did that
know about it but every time I did that raging forest fires of anger started
raging forest fires of anger started
raging forest fires of anger started inside of me which left no space for
inside of me which left no space for
inside of me which left no space for healing was it even possible to heal
healing was it even possible to heal
healing was it even possible to heal after this much loss I started looking
after this much loss I started looking
after this much loss I started looking for ways of healing that didn’t require
for ways of healing that didn’t require
for ways of healing that didn’t require forgiveness forgiveness requires someone
forgiveness forgiveness requires someone
forgiveness forgiveness requires someone ask for forgiveness forgiveness requires
ask for forgiveness forgiveness requires
ask for forgiveness forgiveness requires some form of moral justification or
some form of moral justification or
some form of moral justification or explanation of these people’s actions
explanation of these people’s actions
explanation of these people’s actions and I couldn’t bring myself to do so
while talking about this to one of my
while talking about this to one of my professors
professors
professors she mentioned a group called the Y ihr
she mentioned a group called the Y ihr
she mentioned a group called the Y ihr the Youth Initiative for human rights in
the Youth Initiative for human rights in
the Youth Initiative for human rights in the former Yugoslavia there a group of
the former Yugoslavia there a group of
the former Yugoslavia there a group of young activists who create art
young activists who create art
young activists who create art installations like this one across the
installations like this one across the
installations like this one across the different cities in the former
different cities in the former
different cities in the former Yugoslavia this art installation was in
Yugoslavia this art installation was in
Yugoslavia this art installation was in Pristina and Kosovo it has inscribe all
Pristina and Kosovo it has inscribe all
Pristina and Kosovo it has inscribe all inscribed the names of 1819 missing
inscribed the names of 1819 missing
inscribed the names of 1819 missing persons since the last war in Kosovo and
persons since the last war in Kosovo and
persons since the last war in Kosovo and in front of the wall
in front of the wall
in front of the wall they put a chair to remind people all
they put a chair to remind people all
they put a chair to remind people all these names for all these names there is
these names for all these names there is
these names for all these names there is still a chair in someone’s living in
still a chair in someone’s living in
still a chair in someone’s living in someone’s dining table their families
someone’s dining table their families
someone’s dining table their families are still waiting for them to come home
are still waiting for them to come home
are still waiting for them to come home for dinner what was controversial about
for dinner what was controversial about
for dinner what was controversial about this piece of art though was that the
this piece of art though was that the
this piece of art though was that the names of the victims were not just those
names of the victims were not just those
names of the victims were not just those from Kosovo there were crow
from Kosovo there were crow
from Kosovo there were crow and Bosniaks and serbs the pain
and Bosniaks and serbs the pain
and Bosniaks and serbs the pain transcended the borders that were
transcended the borders that were
transcended the borders that were created by the war that reminded me of a
created by the war that reminded me of a
created by the war that reminded me of a scene that i had seen at a libyan Aza a
scene that i had seen at a libyan Aza a
scene that i had seen at a libyan Aza a libyan Aza is a social occasion after
libyan Aza is a social occasion after
libyan Aza is a social occasion after someone dies all family friends and
someone dies all family friends and
someone dies all family friends and loved ones come to give condolences to
loved ones come to give condolences to
loved ones come to give condolences to the family of the person who had died I
the family of the person who had died I
the family of the person who had died I was at one Aza when I saw a scene that
was at one Aza when I saw a scene that
was at one Aza when I saw a scene that no amount of words can describe to
mothers whose sons had fought on
mothers whose sons had fought on opposite sides of the war hugging each
opposite sides of the war hugging each
opposite sides of the war hugging each other and crying
other and crying
other and crying each whale barely drop in the ocean of
each whale barely drop in the ocean of
each whale barely drop in the ocean of their grief I was so surprised by the
their grief I was so surprised by the
their grief I was so surprised by the scene I asked my cousins about it and
scene I asked my cousins about it and
scene I asked my cousins about it and they said this wasn’t a rare sight they
they said this wasn’t a rare sight they
they said this wasn’t a rare sight they said these mothers understand each other
said these mothers understand each other
said these mothers understand each other in a way no politician ever will both
in a way no politician ever will both
in a way no politician ever will both mothers wake up every morning for a
mothers wake up every morning for a
mothers wake up every morning for a brief second everything’s okay until
brief second everything’s okay until
brief second everything’s okay until they remember and when they remember
they remember and when they remember
they remember and when they remember it’s like a wave hitting them in the
it’s like a wave hitting them in the
it’s like a wave hitting them in the face again and again and again every
face again and again and again every
face again and again and again every moment reminding them of the moment they
moment reminding them of the moment they
moment reminding them of the moment they found out that their son was no longer
found out that their son was no longer
found out that their son was no longer alive these mothers when they see each
alive these mothers when they see each
alive these mothers when they see each other they don’t see politics they see
other they don’t see politics they see
other they don’t see politics they see the pain they practice empathy these
the pain they practice empathy these
the pain they practice empathy these mothers understand each other in a way
mothers understand each other in a way
mothers understand each other in a way no politician ever will or else why
no politician ever will or else why
no politician ever will or else why would they keep sending our sons to
would they keep sending our sons to
would they keep sending our sons to fight each other
in trying to understand this I’d have
in trying to understand this I’d have the only thing I know how to do when I’m
the only thing I know how to do when I’m
the only thing I know how to do when I’m overwhelmed by emotion I wrote a spoken
overwhelmed by emotion I wrote a spoken
overwhelmed by emotion I wrote a spoken word poet Sarah Kay the poet says spoken
word poet Sarah Kay the poet says spoken
word poet Sarah Kay the poet says spoken word poetry is poetry that demands to be
word poetry is poetry that demands to be
word poetry is poetry that demands to be heard or witnessed one of my professor
heard or witnessed one of my professor
heard or witnessed one of my professor is an undergrad taught me that spoken
is an undergrad taught me that spoken
is an undergrad taught me that spoken word poetry is three minutes of me on a
word poetry is three minutes of me on a
word poetry is three minutes of me on a stage uninterrupted so I can interrupt
stage uninterrupted so I can interrupt
stage uninterrupted so I can interrupt the status quo to me spoken word poetry
the status quo to me spoken word poetry
the status quo to me spoken word poetry is feelings that refuse to sit on paper
is feelings that refuse to sit on paper
is feelings that refuse to sit on paper or a screen they want to scream and they
or a screen they want to scream and they
or a screen they want to scream and they use my vocal cords as a tool to do so
use my vocal cords as a tool to do so
use my vocal cords as a tool to do so and so I wrote this poem
we have a proverb in my country chief
we have a proverb in my country chief and man magische vallei en but the curse
and man magische vallei en but the curse
and man magische vallei en but the curse come to my money and not my children but
come to my money and not my children but
come to my money and not my children but the curse has taken both the curse has
the curse has taken both the curse has
the curse has taken both the curse has turned my home into a graveyard full of
turned my home into a graveyard full of
turned my home into a graveyard full of names of people and once recognized
names of people and once recognized
names of people and once recognized filled with the stench of death almost
filled with the stench of death almost
filled with the stench of death almost distracting me from the smoky gray of
distracting me from the smoky gray of
distracting me from the smoky gray of all the tombstones with father daughter
all the tombstones with father daughter
all the tombstones with father daughter son beloved beloved beloved that word
son beloved beloved beloved that word
son beloved beloved beloved that word brings about the shrieks of all the
brings about the shrieks of all the
brings about the shrieks of all the mothers after losing their sons that
mothers after losing their sons that
mothers after losing their sons that word brings about the grief of knowing
word brings about the grief of knowing
word brings about the grief of knowing that my brother isn’t coming home my
that my brother isn’t coming home my
that my brother isn’t coming home my brother isn’t gonna tell me I’m safe my
brother isn’t gonna tell me I’m safe my
brother isn’t gonna tell me I’m safe my brother my beloved mode then reach the
brother my beloved mode then reach the
brother my beloved mode then reach the Palestinian poet says I kill her and I
Palestinian poet says I kill her and I
Palestinian poet says I kill her and I lie in the same grave in war this war
lie in the same grave in war this war
lie in the same grave in war this war has turned my city into a graveyard and
has turned my city into a graveyard and
has turned my city into a graveyard and in the graveyard there is no winner for
in the graveyard there is no winner for
in the graveyard there is no winner for the killer in the killed lie in the same
the killer in the killed lie in the same
the killer in the killed lie in the same grave
this poem was a culmination of two years
this poem was a culmination of two years of emotions this poem was the beginning
of emotions this poem was the beginning
of emotions this poem was the beginning of my healing process it taught me that
of my healing process it taught me that
of my healing process it taught me that in the graveyard there are no winners in
in the graveyard there are no winners in
in the graveyard there are no winners in the graveyard there’s only pain and pain
the graveyard there’s only pain and pain
the graveyard there’s only pain and pain pain knows no ideology no nation or
pain knows no ideology no nation or
pain knows no ideology no nation or ethnicity or religion pain affects us
ethnicity or religion pain affects us
ethnicity or religion pain affects us all and reflecting about this poem and
all and reflecting about this poem and
all and reflecting about this poem and everything that I’ve been through in the
everything that I’ve been through in the
everything that I’ve been through in the past couple years I noticed something I
past couple years I noticed something I
past couple years I noticed something I noticed that people try to put a
noticed that people try to put a
noticed that people try to put a hierarchy on pain we try to say
hierarchy on pain we try to say
hierarchy on pain we try to say my pain is tougher than theirs my pain
my pain is tougher than theirs my pain
my pain is tougher than theirs my pain it’s harder but in the process of doing
it’s harder but in the process of doing
it’s harder but in the process of doing so we don’t realize that we’re isolating
so we don’t realize that we’re isolating
so we don’t realize that we’re isolating them from empathizing with us and we’re
them from empathizing with us and we’re
them from empathizing with us and we’re stopping ourselves from emphasizing with
stopping ourselves from emphasizing with
stopping ourselves from emphasizing with them we try to tie a moral character to
them we try to tie a moral character to
them we try to tie a moral character to pain and in the process we don’t
pain and in the process we don’t
pain and in the process we don’t acknowledge the pain of those that we
acknowledge the pain of those that we
acknowledge the pain of those that we disagree with empathy on the other hand
empathy allows us to see the pain of
empathy allows us to see the pain of those that we disagree with to go a step
those that we disagree with to go a step
those that we disagree with to go a step further
further
further empathy allows us to see the humanity of
empathy allows us to see the humanity of
empathy allows us to see the humanity of those that hurt us I believe empathy can
those that hurt us I believe empathy can
those that hurt us I believe empathy can be learned specifically empathy can be
be learned specifically empathy can be
be learned specifically empathy can be learned through art and I’m not talking
learned through art and I’m not talking
learned through art and I’m not talking about the really expensive art that no
about the really expensive art that no
about the really expensive art that no one really understand that goes from one
one really understand that goes from one
one really understand that goes from one millionaires house to another
millionaires house to another
millionaires house to another millionaires house I’m talking about the
millionaires house I’m talking about the
millionaires house I’m talking about the art that disrupts the daily I’m talking
art that disrupts the daily I’m talking
art that disrupts the daily I’m talking about the art that disrupts the news
about the art that disrupts the news
about the art that disrupts the news bites
bites
bites that we’ve become descent desensitized
that we’ve become descent desensitized
that we’ve become descent desensitized to I’m talking about the roses of
to I’m talking about the roses of
to I’m talking about the roses of Sarajevo campaign which was done in a
Sarajevo campaign which was done in a
Sarajevo campaign which was done in a way to draw a red rose in every place
way to draw a red rose in every place
way to draw a red rose in every place that someone was killed in Sarajevo in
that someone was killed in Sarajevo in
that someone was killed in Sarajevo in 1995 I’m talking about bear story which
1995 I’m talking about bear story which
1995 I’m talking about bear story which tells the story of Leopard I see those
tells the story of Leopard I see those
tells the story of Leopard I see those in Chile in the span of nine minutes I’m
in Chile in the span of nine minutes I’m
in Chile in the span of nine minutes I’m even talking about Hamilton which has
even talking about Hamilton which has
even talking about Hamilton which has led us all to reconsider how we view our
led us all to reconsider how we view our
led us all to reconsider how we view our history and how we interact with our
history and how we interact with our
history and how we interact with our society today art is a powerful
society today art is a powerful
society today art is a powerful disrupter my personal medium of art is
disrupter my personal medium of art is
disrupter my personal medium of art is poetry for the past two years I’ve been
poetry for the past two years I’ve been
poetry for the past two years I’ve been performing poetry to diverse audiences
performing poetry to diverse audiences
performing poetry to diverse audiences and it never ceases to amaze me how a
and it never ceases to amaze me how a
and it never ceases to amaze me how a poem so personal to me can deeply affect
poem so personal to me can deeply affect
poem so personal to me can deeply affect someone who was born and raised in
someone who was born and raised in
someone who was born and raised in Venezuela or Colombia or Yemen or Syria
Venezuela or Colombia or Yemen or Syria
Venezuela or Colombia or Yemen or Syria or even in the safety of the United
or even in the safety of the United
or even in the safety of the United States and I think that’s because poetry
States and I think that’s because poetry
States and I think that’s because poetry spoken word poetry is vulnerable when I
spoken word poetry is vulnerable when I
spoken word poetry is vulnerable when I perform a poem it’s three minutes of me
perform a poem it’s three minutes of me
perform a poem it’s three minutes of me on a stage sharing my heart to a group
on a stage sharing my heart to a group
on a stage sharing my heart to a group of people I’ve never met before but it’s
of people I’ve never met before but it’s
of people I’ve never met before but it’s that vulnerability that allows them to
that vulnerability that allows them to
that vulnerability that allows them to approach me after the end of the poem
approach me after the end of the poem
approach me after the end of the poem and say felt that you see I have this
and say felt that you see I have this
and say felt that you see I have this kind of similar experience because of
kind of similar experience because of
kind of similar experience because of this in this often opening up a
this in this often opening up a
this in this often opening up a discussion that wouldn’t have happened
discussion that wouldn’t have happened
discussion that wouldn’t have happened otherwise
poetry uses my tongue as a paintbrush to
poetry uses my tongue as a paintbrush to accentuate the colors of my words in a
accentuate the colors of my words in a
accentuate the colors of my words in a performance that’s the portrait in the
performance that’s the portrait in the
performance that’s the portrait in the end
and that portrait opens up a key to
and that portrait opens up a key to finding empathy now while there are
finding empathy now while there are
finding empathy now while there are still raging forest fires inside of me
still raging forest fires inside of me
still raging forest fires inside of me from all the pain and all the loss I can
from all the pain and all the loss I can
from all the pain and all the loss I can confidently say that there slowly but
confidently say that there slowly but
confidently say that there slowly but surely calming down from the rain
surely calming down from the rain
surely calming down from the rain brought by by empathy empathy is the key
brought by by empathy empathy is the key
brought by by empathy empathy is the key to healing a divided society both
to healing a divided society both
to healing a divided society both personally and societally an art is the
personally and societally an art is the
personally and societally an art is the key to that empathy
”
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