beautiful good morning what do you think about what you say man hang on to that
about what you say man hang on to that
about what you say man hang on to that for a second
for a second
for a second I was born in New Zealand
I was born in New Zealand
I was born in New Zealand my dad was an Australian my mum was in
my dad was an Australian my mum was in
my dad was an Australian my mum was in New Zealand er they met early mulliner
New Zealand er they met early mulliner
New Zealand er they met early mulliner on a holiday dalliance and I was the
on a holiday dalliance and I was the
on a holiday dalliance and I was the second born in my family a few years
second born in my family a few years
second born in my family a few years later we came to live in Australia
later we came to live in Australia
later we came to live in Australia my mum was one of eleven siblings and
my mum was one of eleven siblings and
my mum was one of eleven siblings and she left that all behind she didn’t have
she left that all behind she didn’t have
she left that all behind she didn’t have a mom or or any of their family and we
a mom or or any of their family and we
a mom or or any of their family and we came to Australia my dad was a police
came to Australia my dad was a police
came to Australia my dad was a police officer and he saw things that no human
officer and he saw things that no human
officer and he saw things that no human being should see it affected him so
being should see it affected him so
being should see it affected him so about it and he started to drink he
about it and he started to drink he
about it and he started to drink he couldn’t talk about what he had seen so
couldn’t talk about what he had seen so
couldn’t talk about what he had seen so he drank to try and forget what he had
he drank to try and forget what he had
he drank to try and forget what he had seen it wasn’t long before that time
seen it wasn’t long before that time
seen it wasn’t long before that time wasn’t long after that time that things
wasn’t long after that time that things
wasn’t long after that time that things started to get very ugly my family
started to get very ugly my family
started to get very ugly my family we went through being an average
we went through being an average
we went through being an average everyday family – a family that lived
everyday family – a family that lived
everyday family – a family that lived with domestic abuse domestic violence
with domestic abuse domestic violence
with domestic abuse domestic violence and it could erupt like that we could be
and it could erupt like that we could be
and it could erupt like that we could be sitting at the dinner table just like
sitting at the dinner table just like
sitting at the dinner table just like thousands of families in our community
thousands of families in our community
thousands of families in our community and all of a sudden place fine people
and all of a sudden place fine people
and all of a sudden place fine people were running and kids were scared and we
were running and kids were scared and we
were running and kids were scared and we lived like that for quite some time
lived like that for quite some time
lived like that for quite some time until my mum thought you know mom I
until my mum thought you know mom I
until my mum thought you know mom I can’t take this anymore and she decided
can’t take this anymore and she decided
can’t take this anymore and she decided that she was getting out of his life
that she was getting out of his life
that she was getting out of his life fortunately for my mum she was found in
fortunately for my mum she was found in
fortunately for my mum she was found in time and she’s very happy even living a
time and she’s very happy even living a
time and she’s very happy even living a full life
full life
full life it needs out of us today from that point
it needs out of us today from that point
it needs out of us today from that point on I was this kid that had a lot of
on I was this kid that had a lot of
on I was this kid that had a lot of anxiety some of the advantages of living
anxiety some of the advantages of living
anxiety some of the advantages of living in that time and living that way issue
in that time and living that way issue
in that time and living that way issue became a really good observer of body
became a really good observer of body
became a really good observer of body language there were certain things that
language there were certain things that
language there were certain things that I could see my dad that told me that
I could see my dad that told me that
I could see my dad that told me that we’re in trouble and there were certain
we’re in trouble and there were certain
we’re in trouble and there were certain ways that my mum would look at my dad
ways that my mum would look at my dad
ways that my mum would look at my dad that told me that we were ready for a
that told me that we were ready for a
that told me that we were ready for a pretty bumpy ride but of course I was
pretty bumpy ride but of course I was
pretty bumpy ride but of course I was just a kid I didn’t know how to cope
just a kid I didn’t know how to cope
just a kid I didn’t know how to cope with that so I began to eat and I began
with that so I began to eat and I began
with that so I began to eat and I began to eat sugary things that made me feel
to eat sugary things that made me feel
to eat sugary things that made me feel good and as you can see I still lived
good and as you can see I still lived
good and as you can see I still lived with the consequences of that road when
with the consequences of that road when
with the consequences of that road when I was in year six finally my parents
I was in year six finally my parents
I was in year six finally my parents decided to go their separate ways
decided to go their separate ways
decided to go their separate ways and it was interesting I can remember
and it was interesting I can remember
and it was interesting I can remember thinking to myself I am so relieved that
thinking to myself I am so relieved that
thinking to myself I am so relieved that I don’t have to live like this anymore
I don’t have to live like this anymore
I don’t have to live like this anymore but at the same time I was devastated
but at the same time I was devastated
but at the same time I was devastated because I was my father’s daughter and
because I was my father’s daughter and
because I was my father’s daughter and we were now moving away from him he was
we were now moving away from him he was
we were now moving away from him he was this man I idolized even in his own
this man I idolized even in his own
this man I idolized even in his own imperfection I idolized him he was a man
imperfection I idolized him he was a man
imperfection I idolized him he was a man of wisdom and courage and brokenness all
of wisdom and courage and brokenness all
of wisdom and courage and brokenness all at the same time so we moved and we had
at the same time so we moved and we had
at the same time so we moved and we had to go into hiding because my dad wasn’t
to go into hiding because my dad wasn’t
to go into hiding because my dad wasn’t really very depressed about everybody
really very depressed about everybody
really very depressed about everybody leaving and I remember we left the
leaving and I remember we left the
leaving and I remember we left the family dogs which for all of us kids was
family dogs which for all of us kids was
family dogs which for all of us kids was incredibly devastating and we lived in
incredibly devastating and we lived in
incredibly devastating and we lived in fear for quite some time we had to keep
fear for quite some time we had to keep
fear for quite some time we had to keep moving because we didn’t have any family
moving because we didn’t have any family
moving because we didn’t have any family in Australia so we were basically on on
in Australia so we were basically on on
in Australia so we were basically on on the poverty line and we get a house and
the poverty line and we get a house and
the poverty line and we get a house and then
then
then but the rent and we have to move and
but the rent and we have to move and
but the rent and we have to move and that went I think we worked out in the
that went I think we worked out in the
that went I think we worked out in the first 18 years of my life or after after
first 18 years of my life or after after
first 18 years of my life or after after my parents divorced we move 21 times and
my parents divorced we move 21 times and
my parents divorced we move 21 times and twice because my father had found out
twice because my father had found out
twice because my father had found out where we lived
where we lived
where we lived my dad disengaged and I barely saw him
my dad disengaged and I barely saw him
my dad disengaged and I barely saw him from that time on and that was really
from that time on and that was really
from that time on and that was really salt destroying for me
salt destroying for me
salt destroying for me musics Catholic school education having
musics Catholic school education having
musics Catholic school education having a great time
a great time
a great time all-girls school now I’m going to a
all-girls school now I’m going to a
all-girls school now I’m going to a co-ed system we used to wear skirts
co-ed system we used to wear skirts
co-ed system we used to wear skirts right down to our ankles at the Catholic
right down to our ankles at the Catholic
right down to our ankles at the Catholic Church and yet I’m sure you can imagine
Church and yet I’m sure you can imagine
Church and yet I’m sure you can imagine this is now in the nineteen seventies of
this is now in the nineteen seventies of
this is now in the nineteen seventies of of New South Wales and it was a very
of New South Wales and it was a very
of New South Wales and it was a very different scene for those of you that
different scene for those of you that
different scene for those of you that laughs um nope lol I arrived with my
laughs um nope lol I arrived with my
laughs um nope lol I arrived with my first school day we’ve established at
first school day we’ve established at
first school day we’ve established at that breakfast and my skirt down to my
that breakfast and my skirt down to my
that breakfast and my skirt down to my ankles and I stuck out like a sore thumb
ankles and I stuck out like a sore thumb
ankles and I stuck out like a sore thumb I almost got beaten up my first day at
I almost got beaten up my first day at
I almost got beaten up my first day at school
school
school I don’t I still don’t understand why but
I don’t I still don’t understand why but
I don’t I still don’t understand why but to survive I had to adapt improvise and
to survive I had to adapt improvise and
to survive I had to adapt improvise and overcome which I did too and it wasn’t
overcome which I did too and it wasn’t
overcome which I did too and it wasn’t long before I attracted the attention of
long before I attracted the attention of
long before I attracted the attention of the cool crowd I was a little bit
the cool crowd I was a little bit
the cool crowd I was a little bit different little bit quirky and I was
different little bit quirky and I was
different little bit quirky and I was invited here but they did some not so
invited here but they did some not so
invited here but they did some not so nice things to people
nice things to people
nice things to people and now I was a part of this group is
and now I was a part of this group is
and now I was a part of this group is part of this pack and for the first time
part of this pack and for the first time
part of this pack and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was
in a long time I felt like I was
in a long time I felt like I was connected I was part of something bigger
connected I was part of something bigger
connected I was part of something bigger than myself
than myself
than myself but then one of the most healthiest pack
but then one of the most healthiest pack
but then one of the most healthiest pack in the world there was drinking and
in the world there was drinking and
in the world there was drinking and drugs and boys and taking off from
drugs and boys and taking off from
drugs and boys and taking off from school and although that really didn’t
school and although that really didn’t
school and although that really didn’t to me or I had this connection people
to me or I had this connection people
to me or I had this connection people actually I felt like people cared about
actually I felt like people cared about
actually I felt like people cared about man so I let down my garden away we went
man so I let down my garden away we went
man so I let down my garden away we went a few years into high school the
a few years into high school the
a few years into high school the leatherby girl that was in charge of
leatherby girl that was in charge of
leatherby girl that was in charge of this group the pact lender so to me
this group the pact lender so to me
this group the pact lender so to me the top dog she decided to randomly that
the top dog she decided to randomly that
the top dog she decided to randomly that this girl who I didn’t know from Paris
this girl who I didn’t know from Paris
this girl who I didn’t know from Paris Oh was going to be in trouble and they
Oh was going to be in trouble and they
Oh was going to be in trouble and they were going to follow her at lunch line
were going to follow her at lunch line
were going to follow her at lunch line just because they can and there was
just because they can and there was
just because they can and there was something inside of me that that didn’t
something inside of me that that didn’t
something inside of me that that didn’t sit right with so we ended up having
sit right with so we ended up having
sit right with so we ended up having this big argument I lost my friends I
this big argument I lost my friends I
this big argument I lost my friends I lost my group and I went back to feeling
lost my group and I went back to feeling
lost my group and I went back to feeling all alone in the big world the
all alone in the big world the
all alone in the big world the interesting thing is the girl that they
interesting thing is the girl that they
interesting thing is the girl that they were going to be helping we became very
were going to be helping we became very
were going to be helping we became very good friends and over time I lipstick we
good friends and over time I lipstick we
good friends and over time I lipstick we still in touch today but here I was
still in touch today but here I was
still in touch today but here I was disconnected again high school was not
disconnected again high school was not
disconnected again high school was not the most pleasant experience for that
the most pleasant experience for that
the most pleasant experience for that kid it’s a lot better now I’m told but
kid it’s a lot better now I’m told but
kid it’s a lot better now I’m told but at that time it’s a it’s a complicated
at that time it’s a it’s a complicated
at that time it’s a it’s a complicated place got out of school I failed my HST
place got out of school I failed my HST
place got out of school I failed my HST had no prospects I couldn’t even get
had no prospects I couldn’t even get
had no prospects I couldn’t even get Franklin’s to give me a job what was the
Franklin’s to give me a job what was the
Franklin’s to give me a job what was the point I started being drinking doing all
point I started being drinking doing all
point I started being drinking doing all those things that you do and you’re just
those things that you do and you’re just
those things that you do and you’re just trying to mitigate the pain and I was
trying to mitigate the pain and I was
trying to mitigate the pain and I was lost I was terribly terribly lost this
lost I was terribly terribly lost this
lost I was terribly terribly lost this went on for about five years and I
went on for about five years and I
went on for about five years and I finally got to the place where I was
finally got to the place where I was
finally got to the place where I was just exhausted with life when I was two
just exhausted with life when I was two
just exhausted with life when I was two I drowned and I was critically dead on
I drowned and I was critically dead on
I drowned and I was critically dead on arrival at hospital and I used to have
arrival at hospital and I used to have
arrival at hospital and I used to have this fight with God you know this was
this fight with God you know this was
this fight with God you know this was the best
the best
the best [Music]
[Music]
[Music] just let me die then why have I got to
just let me die then why have I got to
just let me die then why have I got to come through all this pain and
come through all this pain and
come through all this pain and misreading if this is the best it gets
misreading if this is the best it gets
misreading if this is the best it gets and it’s I was so angry that I was put
and it’s I was so angry that I was put
and it’s I was so angry that I was put in this position when there was an out
in this position when there was an out
in this position when there was an out there was a doorway I I could have
there was a doorway I I could have
there was a doorway I I could have walked through it I was already dead and
walked through it I was already dead and
walked through it I was already dead and I was angry at the next-door neighbor
I was angry at the next-door neighbor
I was angry at the next-door neighbor that saw me floating in the water
that saw me floating in the water
that saw me floating in the water you know how dead he jumped in and saved
you know how dead he jumped in and saved
you know how dead he jumped in and saved me now I’ve got to do this thing for
me now I’ve got to do this thing for
me now I’ve got to do this thing for life
life
life anyway it was it was a place where I
anyway it was it was a place where I
anyway it was it was a place where I just felt like I was all on my own
just felt like I was all on my own
just felt like I was all on my own I used to go up to my my younger brother
I used to go up to my my younger brother
I used to go up to my my younger brother my stepfather wasn’t a very nice man you
my stepfather wasn’t a very nice man you
my stepfather wasn’t a very nice man you know he played a lot of psychological
know he played a lot of psychological
know he played a lot of psychological games so I’d remember one time something
games so I’d remember one time something
games so I’d remember one time something had been broken in the house and I knew
had been broken in the house and I knew
had been broken in the house and I knew I hadn’t done it but by the end of that
I hadn’t done it but by the end of that
I hadn’t done it but by the end of that day but he convinced me I had so it was
day but he convinced me I had so it was
day but he convinced me I had so it was just tough growing up was tough and I
just tough growing up was tough and I
just tough growing up was tough and I couldn’t see any lies at the end of the
couldn’t see any lies at the end of the
couldn’t see any lies at the end of the time my other brother moved out he’s
time my other brother moved out he’s
time my other brother moved out he’s only two years younger than I am
only two years younger than I am
only two years younger than I am and he came to live here with me for a
and he came to live here with me for a
and he came to live here with me for a while and that was nice that was nice to
while and that was nice that was nice to
while and that was nice that was nice to have a sense of family and the innocence
have a sense of family and the innocence
have a sense of family and the innocence connection and we had a great time and I
connection and we had a great time and I
connection and we had a great time and I became like a surrogate mum I’d always
became like a surrogate mum I’d always
became like a surrogate mum I’d always kind of felt guilty and I’ve left you in
kind of felt guilty and I’ve left you in
kind of felt guilty and I’ve left you in the place that I left him so I had
the place that I left him so I had
the place that I left him so I had running around to basketball and pick
running around to basketball and pick
running around to basketball and pick him up after school and we used the
him up after school and we used the
him up after school and we used the ladies the weight room in the library
ladies the weight room in the library
ladies the weight room in the library not because I knew anything really about
not because I knew anything really about
not because I knew anything really about libraries but just because he was
libraries but just because he was
libraries but just because he was actually a really good student and I
actually a really good student and I
actually a really good student and I would pick him up and I would that we
would pick him up and I would that we
would pick him up and I would that we would go at home well I remember city
would go at home well I remember city
would go at home well I remember city one day he was late and yet told me he
one day he was late and yet told me he
one day he was late and yet told me he was going to be late and I’m sitting at
was going to be late and I’m sitting at
was going to be late and I’m sitting at this place with a whole game of books
this place with a whole game of books
this place with a whole game of books I know it’s the library but apart from
I know it’s the library but apart from
I know it’s the library but apart from that it really served no purpose
that it really served no purpose
that it really served no purpose remaining I picked up this white book
remaining I picked up this white book
remaining I picked up this white book then it was the who’s who of Australia
then it was the who’s who of Australia
then it was the who’s who of Australia in the reference section when I just
in the reference section when I just
in the reference section when I just opened it just because I was bored and I
opened it just because I was bored and I
opened it just because I was bored and I started to read story after story of
started to read story after story of
started to read story after story of human beings that have faced really
human beings that have faced really
human beings that have faced really tough times come out the other end and
tough times come out the other end and
tough times come out the other end and done something amazing with their lives
done something amazing with their lives
done something amazing with their lives change something grew in some way help
change something grew in some way help
change something grew in some way help somebody and I remember this day I
somebody and I remember this day I
somebody and I remember this day I started crying over this book boom I’m
started crying over this book boom I’m
started crying over this book boom I’m I’m never going to amount to anything I
I’m never going to amount to anything I
I’m never going to amount to anything I don’t even really feel I should be here
don’t even really feel I should be here
don’t even really feel I should be here I’ve got my purpose I’ve got no sense of
I’ve got my purpose I’ve got no sense of
I’ve got my purpose I’ve got no sense of of community on wanting out where’s the
of community on wanting out where’s the
of community on wanting out where’s the train to get me out and that’s where the
train to get me out and that’s where the
train to get me out and that’s where the Estados change
Estados change
Estados change I found a packet the first hallway was a
I found a packet the first hallway was a
I found a packet the first hallway was a church and people seemed to really care
church and people seemed to really care
church and people seemed to really care and I started to feel like I was getting
and I started to feel like I was getting
and I started to feel like I was getting some healing I was starting to save some
some healing I was starting to save some
some healing I was starting to save some things and and in spite of the fact that
things and and in spite of the fact that
things and and in spite of the fact that I was the epitome of an underdog I also
I was the epitome of an underdog I also
I was the epitome of an underdog I also made a truckload of
made a truckload of
made a truckload of more choices I started to find my feet
more choices I started to find my feet
more choices I started to find my feet people started to believe in many people
people started to believe in many people
people started to believe in many people started to see promising me that I
started to see promising me that I
started to see promising me that I couldn’t even see my next door way
couldn’t even see my next door way
couldn’t even see my next door way through it was a place for Rogers pups
through it was a place for Rogers pups
through it was a place for Rogers pups here was this group of people that were
here was this group of people that were
here was this group of people that were trying to do something beautiful with
trying to do something beautiful with
trying to do something beautiful with nothing they had no money they had no
nothing they had no money they had no
nothing they had no money they had no space but they wanted to work with kids
space but they wanted to work with kids
space but they wanted to work with kids that were struggling they wanted to help
that were struggling they wanted to help
that were struggling they wanted to help kids with autism find a friend like
kids with autism find a friend like
kids with autism find a friend like Jimmy and they were doing it on their
Jimmy and they were doing it on their
Jimmy and they were doing it on their own time often in their own in their own
own time often in their own in their own
own time often in their own in their own cars with their own dollars and it was
cars with their own dollars and it was
cars with their own dollars and it was beautiful and I started to realize that
beautiful and I started to realize that
beautiful and I started to realize that a big part of what I was missing was
a big part of what I was missing was
a big part of what I was missing was that sense of being connected every
that sense of being connected every
that sense of being connected every underdog things a pack and all over the
underdog things a pack and all over the
underdog things a pack and all over the year is just checking the time over the
year is just checking the time over the
year is just checking the time over the years I’ve found that that sense of
years I’ve found that that sense of
years I’ve found that that sense of community it can combine the the captain
community it can combine the the captain
community it can combine the the captain of a football team or the lady that runs
of a football team or the lady that runs
of a football team or the lady that runs the tuck shop that looks up through all
the tuck shop that looks up through all
the tuck shop that looks up through all the kids that don’t have enough money it
the kids that don’t have enough money it
the kids that don’t have enough money it can be whatever manifestation or
can be whatever manifestation or
can be whatever manifestation or expression you like but we are not
expression you like but we are not
expression you like but we are not individuals designed to be little
individuals designed to be little
individuals designed to be little islands we’re interconnected
islands we’re interconnected
islands we’re interconnected we’re designed to work together and to
we’re designed to work together and to
we’re designed to work together and to work for one another and work for the
work for one another and work for the
work for one another and work for the one
one
one that can’t work foods elves and what I
that can’t work foods elves and what I
that can’t work foods elves and what I found in community what our founding the
found in community what our founding the
found in community what our founding the packs that I’ve been a part of is that
packs that I’ve been a part of is that
packs that I’ve been a part of is that when you give your life away you find
when you give your life away you find
when you give your life away you find your place you find your purpose you
your place you find your purpose you
your place you find your purpose you find your pride and you find your pack
if Rihanna donates things back and we
if Rihanna donates things back and we roll under those in one way or another
roll under those in one way or another
roll under those in one way or another for g-pack give you all the way
”
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