hi everybody I was a classroom teacher for 15 years and I’m still a teacher at
for 15 years and I’m still a teacher at
for 15 years and I’m still a teacher at heart only now I teach people about
heart only now I teach people about
heart only now I teach people about restorative practice and restorative
restorative practice and restorative
restorative practice and restorative practice offers language skills tools to
practice offers language skills tools to
practice offers language skills tools to consciously build positive relationships
consciously build positive relationships
consciously build positive relationships and to manage conflict when it occurs in
and to manage conflict when it occurs in
and to manage conflict when it occurs in a healthy way and I’m going to share one
a healthy way and I’m going to share one
a healthy way and I’m going to share one of those tips with you tonight I have
of those tips with you tonight I have
of those tips with you tonight I have done a lot of research in this area and
done a lot of research in this area and
done a lot of research in this area and helping teachers to implement
helping teachers to implement
helping teachers to implement restorative practice and their most
restorative practice and their most
restorative practice and their most challenging classes and with their most
challenging classes and with their most
challenging classes and with their most challenging students and the positive
challenging students and the positive
challenging students and the positive outcomes have really inspired my passion
outcomes have really inspired my passion
outcomes have really inspired my passion and commitment for the work that I do I
and commitment for the work that I do I
and commitment for the work that I do I really believe in it as a teacher as a
really believe in it as a teacher as a
really believe in it as a teacher as a human being in the world I feel it has
human being in the world I feel it has
human being in the world I feel it has so much to offer as well and at the
so much to offer as well and at the
so much to offer as well and at the heart of the restorative approach are
heart of the restorative approach are
heart of the restorative approach are the values the restorative values such
the values the restorative values such
the values the restorative values such as empathy and respect and I will share
as empathy and respect and I will share
as empathy and respect and I will share time with you where I’m really rocking
time with you where I’m really rocking
time with you where I’m really rocking those values the right classroom for
those values the right classroom for
those values the right classroom for first I’m gonna tell you a story at a
first I’m gonna tell you a story at a
first I’m gonna tell you a story at a time why Varadhan disconnected and this
time why Varadhan disconnected and this
time why Varadhan disconnected and this this example is classroom based but any
this example is classroom based but any
this example is classroom based but any of you in the audience that has a
of you in the audience that has a
of you in the audience that has a teenager in your life might be able to
teenager in your life might be able to
teenager in your life might be able to relate to this scenario it’s a Thursday
relate to this scenario it’s a Thursday
relate to this scenario it’s a Thursday afternoon and I’m tired a little bit
afternoon and I’m tired a little bit
afternoon and I’m tired a little bit overwhelmed and one of my love these
overwhelmed and one of my love these
overwhelmed and one of my love these students Lauren comes in at her homework
students Lauren comes in at her homework
students Lauren comes in at her homework done and I jump straight to the attack
done and I jump straight to the attack
done and I jump straight to the attack you know giving out and she raised her
you know giving out and she raised her
you know giving out and she raised her eyes to heaven and I say did you just
eyes to heaven and I say did you just
eyes to heaven and I say did you just raise your eyes to heaven and she says
raise your eyes to heaven and she says
raise your eyes to heaven and she says yeah and I said well we see about that
yeah and I said well we see about that
yeah and I said well we see about that I’ve just got a half past three and she
I’ve just got a half past three and she
I’ve just got a half past three and she said how we won’t because I won’t be
said how we won’t because I won’t be
said how we won’t because I won’t be there and I said oh yes you will and if
there and I said oh yes you will and if
there and I said oh yes you will and if you’re not there you’ll be in big
you’re not there you’ll be in big
you’re not there you’ll be in big trouble I didn’t quite know what the
trouble I didn’t quite know what the
trouble I didn’t quite know what the trouble was gonna be but I knew I was
trouble was gonna be but I knew I was
trouble was gonna be but I knew I was gonna put a lot of effort and energy
gonna put a lot of effort and energy
gonna put a lot of effort and energy into finding us you know and at the time
into finding us you know and at the time
into finding us you know and at the time I’m the poster girl of my school for
I’m the poster girl of my school for
I’m the poster girl of my school for restorative practice and I could hear
restorative practice and I could hear
restorative practice and I could hear this voice in my head saying what are
this voice in my head saying what are
this voice in my head saying what are you doing and I can’t help us you know
you doing and I can’t help us you know
you doing and I can’t help us you know I’m just on one and it escalates the
I’m just on one and it escalates the
I’m just on one and it escalates the whole class is like that I go home with
whole class is like that I go home with
whole class is like that I go home with headache and then the power struggle bit
headache and then the power struggle bit
headache and then the power struggle bit Lauren I’ve disconnected from my values
Lauren I’ve disconnected from my values
Lauren I’ve disconnected from my values I am not trying to connect with Lauren
I am not trying to connect with Lauren
I am not trying to connect with Lauren and cultivate empathy I’m not as modern
and cultivate empathy I’m not as modern
and cultivate empathy I’m not as modern respect
respect
respect which isn’t something you hustle for
which isn’t something you hustle for
which isn’t something you hustle for believe your homework during us it’s
believe your homework during us it’s
believe your homework during us it’s just a given because we are
just a given because we are
just a given because we are I wasn’t promoting accountability given
I wasn’t promoting accountability given
I wasn’t promoting accountability given lara in power to be part of the solution
lara in power to be part of the solution
lara in power to be part of the solution I was just trying to punish her and make
I was just trying to punish her and make
I was just trying to punish her and make her do what I say because I say so
her do what I say because I say so
her do what I say because I say so where are my values there as a teacher
where are my values there as a teacher
where are my values there as a teacher I’ve always felt fast what we know
I’ve always felt fast what we know
I’ve always felt fast what we know matters but who we are matters more and
matters but who we are matters more and
matters but who we are matters more and I didn’t like who I was that day I
I didn’t like who I was that day I
I didn’t like who I was that day I wasn’t being my best self although I was
wasn’t being my best self although I was
wasn’t being my best self although I was probably doing the best I could in that
probably doing the best I could in that
probably doing the best I could in that moment because calm is a super power
moment because calm is a super power
moment because calm is a super power Brene brown and empathy researcher on my
Brene brown and empathy researcher on my
Brene brown and empathy researcher on my very favorite TED talk or of all time by
very favorite TED talk or of all time by
very favorite TED talk or of all time by the way maybe until tonight but she she
the way maybe until tonight but she she
the way maybe until tonight but she she says that calm is a practice that it’s
says that calm is a practice that it’s
says that calm is a practice that it’s not like we’re born here campus or
not like we’re born here campus or
not like we’re born here campus or you’re not calm people practice two
you’re not calm people practice two
you’re not calm people practice two things before they respond you know what
things before they respond you know what
things before they respond you know what they do they read and they ask questions
they do they read and they ask questions
they do they read and they ask questions so the next day Lauren comes in like
so the next day Lauren comes in like
so the next day Lauren comes in like this and she sits down she’s looking at
this and she sits down she’s looking at
this and she sits down she’s looking at me and if I’m being totally honest part
me and if I’m being totally honest part
me and if I’m being totally honest part of me is like oh with done
of me is like oh with done
of me is like oh with done and then I breathe I might ask myself a
and then I breathe I might ask myself a
and then I breathe I might ask myself a very powerful question and this question
very powerful question and this question
very powerful question and this question has been a great friend to me over the
has been a great friend to me over the
has been a great friend to me over the years
years
years it’s who do I want to be in this
it’s who do I want to be in this
it’s who do I want to be in this situation and of course I want to be
situation and of course I want to be
situation and of course I want to be someone that models and lives my values
someone that models and lives my values
someone that models and lives my values what’s brilliant about restorative
what’s brilliant about restorative
what’s brilliant about restorative practice is that it offers a scaffold an
practice is that it offers a scaffold an
practice is that it offers a scaffold an explicit language to breathe life into
explicit language to breathe life into
explicit language to breathe life into the values so their values and action
the values so their values and action
the values so their values and action especially helpful in times of challenge
especially helpful in times of challenge
especially helpful in times of challenge when we can use the armor off disconnect
when we can use the armor off disconnect
when we can use the armor off disconnect and miss our opportunity for empathy so
and miss our opportunity for empathy so
and miss our opportunity for empathy so I invite Lauren to connect with me by
I invite Lauren to connect with me by
I invite Lauren to connect with me by asking and modeling these very six
asking and modeling these very six
asking and modeling these very six simple questions and I say yeah look
simple questions and I say yeah look
simple questions and I say yeah look Lauren I just want to discuss what
Lauren I just want to discuss what
Lauren I just want to discuss what happened yes it with the homework okay
happened yes it with the homework okay
happened yes it with the homework okay and she says that yeah I’m I said at the
and she says that yeah I’m I said at the
and she says that yeah I’m I said at the time I wasn’t thinking and I went
time I wasn’t thinking and I went
time I wasn’t thinking and I went straight to the attack and since then
straight to the attack and since then
straight to the attack and since then I’m thinking I really could have handled
I’m thinking I really could have handled
I’m thinking I really could have handled that better I’m sorry for how I spoke to
that better I’m sorry for how I spoke to
that better I’m sorry for how I spoke to you and she said to me straight away mr.
you and she said to me straight away mr.
you and she said to me straight away mr. grant I was pure cheeky and I said look
grant I was pure cheeky and I said look
grant I was pure cheeky and I said look from your perspective what happened and
from your perspective what happened and
from your perspective what happened and she said well I came in I didn’t have my
she said well I came in I didn’t have my
she said well I came in I didn’t have my home with John you went mad at me and
home with John you went mad at me and
home with John you went mad at me and she said I was a bit cheeky and I said
she said I was a bit cheeky and I said
she said I was a bit cheeky and I said okay I said look what were you thinking
okay I said look what were you thinking
okay I said look what were you thinking at the time and she said I was pink and
at the time and she said I was pink and
at the time and she said I was pink and had I done something on you or he didn’t
had I done something on you or he didn’t
had I done something on you or he didn’t like me or something I’ve never seen you
like me or something I’ve never seen you
like me or something I’ve never seen you gone like that before
gone like that before
gone like that before I said no um my mom was sick at the time
I said no um my mom was sick at the time
I said no um my mom was sick at the time I said Lauren my mum’s not well and I’m
I said Lauren my mum’s not well and I’m
I said Lauren my mum’s not well and I’m tired I think I just probably took it
tired I think I just probably took it
tired I think I just probably took it out in you you know I said what are you
out in you you know I said what are you
out in you you know I said what are you thinking now with her question and she
thinking now with her question and she
thinking now with her question and she said you were just having a bad day I
said you were just having a bad day I
said you were just having a bad day I said I was just having a bad day I said
said I was just having a bad day I said
said I was just having a bad day I said look fourth question who was affected by
look fourth question who was affected by
look fourth question who was affected by that I said I know I was very stressed I
that I said I know I was very stressed I
that I said I know I was very stressed I said I took it to the next class and I
said I took it to the next class and I
said I took it to the next class and I was guilty without the guilty when I
was guilty without the guilty when I
was guilty without the guilty when I went home I said how about you and she
went home I said how about you and she
went home I said how about you and she said yeah I was upset as I was a bit
said yeah I was upset as I was a bit
said yeah I was upset as I was a bit embarrassed I said I was kind of worried
embarrassed I said I was kind of worried
embarrassed I said I was kind of worried about coming here today I said I’m sorry
about coming here today I said I’m sorry
about coming here today I said I’m sorry I know and she said no I’m sorry too and
I know and she said no I’m sorry too and
I know and she said no I’m sorry too and I said okay well look what could we done
I said okay well look what could we done
I said okay well look what could we done differently
differently
differently fifth question and she said I said look
fifth question and she said I said look
fifth question and she said I said look from my perspective I think I’m gonna
from my perspective I think I’m gonna
from my perspective I think I’m gonna calmly said can i speech at the end I
calmly said can i speech at the end I
calmly said can i speech at the end I said how are you and she said she’s I
said how are you and she said she’s I
said how are you and she said she’s I could have told you the start I didn’t
could have told you the start I didn’t
could have told you the start I didn’t have my homework done I said yeah or
have my homework done I said yeah or
have my homework done I said yeah or like you could have done the homework
like you could have done the homework
like you could have done the homework you know
you know
you know I’m a she’s like oh yeah but we had a
I’m a she’s like oh yeah but we had a
I’m a she’s like oh yeah but we had a chat about what happened that the
chat about what happened that the
chat about what happened that the homework wasn’t doing and her sixth
homework wasn’t doing and her sixth
homework wasn’t doing and her sixth question what needs to happen next
question what needs to happen next
question what needs to happen next and honestly Lauren and I got on better
and honestly Lauren and I got on better
and honestly Lauren and I got on better since that day than ever it was an
since that day than ever it was an
since that day than ever it was an opportunity to practice empathy there’s
opportunity to practice empathy there’s
opportunity to practice empathy there’s a huge empathy deficit in our culture
a huge empathy deficit in our culture
a huge empathy deficit in our culture and empathy is something that we can
and empathy is something that we can
and empathy is something that we can teach it can grow but you need to
teach it can grow but you need to
teach it can grow but you need to cultivate us and there are start of
cultivate us and there are start of
cultivate us and there are start of questions facilitate us they do two
questions facilitate us they do two
questions facilitate us they do two things they invite us to see each
things they invite us to see each
things they invite us to see each other’s perspective a key ingredient of
other’s perspective a key ingredient of
other’s perspective a key ingredient of empathy and they allow us to feel with
empathy and they allow us to feel with
empathy and they allow us to feel with one another which is what empathy is to
one another which is what empathy is to
one another which is what empathy is to feel with others I now work in schools
feel with others I now work in schools
feel with others I now work in schools and organizations with teachers and
and organizations with teachers and
and organizations with teachers and students who wish to cultivate a
students who wish to cultivate a
students who wish to cultivate a restorative culture but this is relevant
restorative culture but this is relevant
restorative culture but this is relevant in the classroom in the board room in
in the classroom in the board room in
in the classroom in the board room in the living room where were these people
the living room where were these people
the living room where were these people and relationships so I’d invite you the
and relationships so I’d invite you the
and relationships so I’d invite you the next time you find yourself maybe in a
next time you find yourself maybe in a
next time you find yourself maybe in a challenging situation or in a difficult
challenging situation or in a difficult
challenging situation or in a difficult conversation to practice calmness to
conversation to practice calmness to
conversation to practice calmness to pause ask yourself who do I want to be
pause ask yourself who do I want to be
pause ask yourself who do I want to be in this situation and maybe instead of
in this situation and maybe instead of
in this situation and maybe instead of saying why are the dishwasher still full
saying why are the dishwasher still full
saying why are the dishwasher still full ask what happened but the dishwasher is
ask what happened but the dishwasher is
ask what happened but the dishwasher is full or quietly late what happened that
full or quietly late what happened that
full or quietly late what happened that you’re late
you’re late
you’re late why did you just say that your sister
why did you just say that your sister
why did you just say that your sister what happened that you said that to your
what happened that you said that to your
what happened that you said that to your sister or in my case what happened that
sister or in my case what happened that
sister or in my case what happened that the homework isn’t done and the my
the homework isn’t done and the my
the homework isn’t done and the my Gisela was turned towards one another
Gisela was turned towards one another
Gisela was turned towards one another people in the workshops and lectures I
people in the workshops and lectures I
people in the workshops and lectures I do often ask me does restorative
do often ask me does restorative
do often ask me does restorative practice really work and what they want
practice really work and what they want
practice really work and what they want to know usually is just the other person
to know usually is just the other person
to know usually is just the other person change and in my example it might look
change and in my example it might look
change and in my example it might look like success lies in the fact that
like success lies in the fact that
like success lies in the fact that Lauren chose to work with me the second
Lauren chose to work with me the second
Lauren chose to work with me the second day in my own practice you know my
day in my own practice you know my
day in my own practice you know my research there’s huge evidence that a
research there’s huge evidence that a
research there’s huge evidence that a restorative approach maximizes the
restorative approach maximizes the
restorative approach maximizes the potential for this boss either urge you
potential for this boss either urge you
potential for this boss either urge you not to look at external outcome as your
not to look at external outcome as your
not to look at external outcome as your only lens or measure of success maya
only lens or measure of success maya
only lens or measure of success maya angelou my favorite writer says the
angelou my favorite writer says the
angelou my favorite writer says the success is like in yourself like and
success is like in yourself like and
success is like in yourself like and what you do and like and how you do it
what you do and like and how you do it
what you do and like and how you do it and the truth is I really like Who I am
and the truth is I really like Who I am
and the truth is I really like Who I am when I’m with Sara t’v and being who I
when I’m with Sara t’v and being who I
when I’m with Sara t’v and being who I want to be in the world so for me it
want to be in the world so for me it
want to be in the world so for me it always works practically speaking the
always works practically speaking the
always works practically speaking the questions move us from blame and attack
questions move us from blame and attack
questions move us from blame and attack to empathy the heart of difficult
to empathy the heart of difficult
to empathy the heart of difficult conversations and on a personal note I
conversations and on a personal note I
conversations and on a personal note I believe that spiritually they move us
believe that spiritually they move us
believe that spiritually they move us from fear to love and this is what I
from fear to love and this is what I
from fear to love and this is what I think our lovely world needs more
think our lovely world needs more
think our lovely world needs more empathy more love thank you
empathy more love thank you
empathy more love thank you [Applause]
”
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