[Applause] so I have always been a shy person it’s
so I have always been a shy person it’s
so I have always been a shy person it’s not so visible anymore but it’s still
not so visible anymore but it’s still
not so visible anymore but it’s still there inside I’m shy I was also a shy
there inside I’m shy I was also a shy
there inside I’m shy I was also a shy child but I was a shy child so eager to
child but I was a shy child so eager to
child but I was a shy child so eager to discover life I was in such a hurry to
discover life I was in such a hurry to
discover life I was in such a hurry to learn to learn how to read and write to
learn to learn how to read and write to
learn to learn how to read and write to learn how to write to ride a bicycle I
learn how to write to ride a bicycle I
learn how to write to ride a bicycle I wanted everything now so for me growth
wanted everything now so for me growth
wanted everything now so for me growth has always been both a very appealing
has always been both a very appealing
has always been both a very appealing thing and a very scary thing and I
thing and a very scary thing and I
thing and a very scary thing and I actually think that that is what growth
actually think that that is what growth
actually think that that is what growth is because growth always means you enter
is because growth always means you enter
is because growth always means you enter a territory where you have never been
a territory where you have never been
a territory where you have never been before you enter a part of yourself that
before you enter a part of yourself that
before you enter a part of yourself that is unknown and that is scary because you
is unknown and that is scary because you
is unknown and that is scary because you may even lose yourself now when I was
may even lose yourself now when I was
may even lose yourself now when I was three years old
three years old
three years old a toddler very playful toddler and my
a toddler very playful toddler and my
a toddler very playful toddler and my hobby was getting lost so me and my best
hobby was getting lost so me and my best
hobby was getting lost so me and my best friend you know would go out into our
friend you know would go out into our
friend you know would go out into our little neighborhood and we would reach
little neighborhood and we would reach
little neighborhood and we would reach the furthest street we would still known
the furthest street we would still known
the furthest street we would still known and we still knew and then we would go
and we still knew and then we would go
and we still knew and then we would go beyond that and we were lost and that
beyond that and we were lost and that
beyond that and we were lost and that was both you know thrilling exciting and
was both you know thrilling exciting and
was both you know thrilling exciting and also scary and it sometimes ended in
also scary and it sometimes ended in
also scary and it sometimes ended in tears of course another story when I was
tears of course another story when I was
tears of course another story when I was a child I often had a strange pain in my
a child I often had a strange pain in my
a child I often had a strange pain in my left leg and sometimes I would wake up
left leg and sometimes I would wake up
left leg and sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and the pain
in the middle of the night and the pain
in the middle of the night and the pain would be so bad that I would call for my
would be so bad that I would call for my
would be so bad that I would call for my mother or father and they would come and
mother or father and they would come and
mother or father and they would come and rub this lotion you know sit next to my
rub this lotion you know sit next to my
rub this lotion you know sit next to my bed rub this lotion on the leg until the
bed rub this lotion on the leg until the
bed rub this lotion on the leg until the plane went away it always took a long
plane went away it always took a long
plane went away it always took a long time and according to my parents
time and according to my parents
time and according to my parents these were growing pains which makes
these were growing pains which makes
these were growing pains which makes sense you know I was a child and I was
sense you know I was a child and I was
sense you know I was a child and I was growing
growing
growing now the strange thing is that sometimes
now the strange thing is that sometimes
now the strange thing is that sometimes I’m now 36 and sometimes when I’m very
I’m now 36 and sometimes when I’m very
I’m now 36 and sometimes when I’m very busy and I’m overwhelmed I still wake up
busy and I’m overwhelmed I still wake up
busy and I’m overwhelmed I still wake up with this strange pain in my left leg
with this strange pain in my left leg
with this strange pain in my left leg but maybe it’s not so strange
but maybe it’s not so strange
but maybe it’s not so strange maybe growth still is a painful process
maybe growth still is a painful process
maybe growth still is a painful process maybe growing
maybe growing
maybe growing hurts this still surprises me
hurts this still surprises me
hurts this still surprises me and I still feel as if I shouldn’t feel
and I still feel as if I shouldn’t feel
and I still feel as if I shouldn’t feel this way as if growing shouldn’t hurt as
this way as if growing shouldn’t hurt as
this way as if growing shouldn’t hurt as if maybe I’m doing something wrong
if maybe I’m doing something wrong
if maybe I’m doing something wrong because I open facebook I look at it and
because I open facebook I look at it and
because I open facebook I look at it and all my friends seems to be having a good
all my friends seems to be having a good
all my friends seems to be having a good time so maybe I’m doing something wrong
time so maybe I’m doing something wrong
time so maybe I’m doing something wrong but then I do the same thing so I just
but then I do the same thing so I just
but then I do the same thing so I just put a message on Facebook I’m here at
put a message on Facebook I’m here at
put a message on Facebook I’m here at TEDx Apeldoorn first there’s a horse
TEDx Apeldoorn first there’s a horse
TEDx Apeldoorn first there’s a horse then there’s me so you know I’m also
then there’s me so you know I’m also
then there’s me so you know I’m also creating this rosy image of myself and
creating this rosy image of myself and
creating this rosy image of myself and and it doesn’t feel so good because I
and it doesn’t feel so good because I
and it doesn’t feel so good because I think we have so many more interesting
think we have so many more interesting
think we have so many more interesting things you know to talk about so many
things you know to talk about so many
things you know to talk about so many more interesting stories to share about
more interesting stories to share about
more interesting stories to share about ourselves stories about how we deal with
ourselves stories about how we deal with
ourselves stories about how we deal with pain how do we deal with hardship how do
pain how do we deal with hardship how do
pain how do we deal with hardship how do we share these things where do we find
we share these things where do we find
we share these things where do we find beauty when life becomes hard those are
beauty when life becomes hard those are
beauty when life becomes hard those are very real things and there’s another
very real things and there’s another
very real things and there’s another thing that bothers me and that is how
thing that bothers me and that is how
thing that bothers me and that is how these days politicians also paint this
these days politicians also paint this
these days politicians also paint this very rosy image of our national identity
very rosy image of our national identity
very rosy image of our national identity it’s all you know they’ll helmets and
it’s all you know they’ll helmets and
it’s all you know they’ll helmets and all beautiful history and all beautiful
all beautiful history and all beautiful
all beautiful history and all beautiful values and everything like that and they
values and everything like that and they
values and everything like that and they even use Christianity to say we have all
even use Christianity to say we have all
even use Christianity to say we have all the good norms we take care of the right
the good norms we take care of the right
the good norms we take care of the right people we love everyone and as a
people we love everyone and as a
people we love everyone and as a theologian I think that’s wrong in fact
theologian I think that’s wrong in fact
theologian I think that’s wrong in fact I think to hell with all of these rosy
I think to hell with all of these rosy
I think to hell with all of these rosy pictures because that’s not who we are
pictures because that’s not who we are
pictures because that’s not who we are and as a few Lodging I also know that
and as a few Lodging I also know that
and as a few Lodging I also know that Christianity in our area doesn’t have
Christianity in our area doesn’t have
Christianity in our area doesn’t have this beautiful history Christianity was
this beautiful history Christianity was
this beautiful history Christianity was very very
very very
very very limiting for a lot of people it didn’t
limiting for a lot of people it didn’t
limiting for a lot of people it didn’t enable growth in many cases now a friend
enable growth in many cases now a friend
enable growth in many cases now a friend told me last only last week it seems
told me last only last week it seems
told me last only last week it seems strange that you are a theologian
strange that you are a theologian
strange that you are a theologian because few lodgings aren’t really known
because few lodgings aren’t really known
because few lodgings aren’t really known for being very innovative so I said yeah
for being very innovative so I said yeah
for being very innovative so I said yeah I know that’s you know that’s the image
I know that’s you know that’s the image
I know that’s you know that’s the image we have to deal with and I also know
we have to deal with and I also know
we have to deal with and I also know that sometimes it’s true theology can be
that sometimes it’s true theology can be
that sometimes it’s true theology can be very limiting actually sometimes it
very limiting actually sometimes it
very limiting actually sometimes it seems that it’s more about limiting
seems that it’s more about limiting
seems that it’s more about limiting people than about enabling people to
people than about enabling people to
people than about enabling people to grow but I also have a different story
grow but I also have a different story
grow but I also have a different story to tell I am a theologian because I love
to tell I am a theologian because I love
to tell I am a theologian because I love growth and I love challenge and I love
growth and I love challenge and I love
growth and I love challenge and I love doing that and I also love theology and
doing that and I also love theology and
doing that and I also love theology and I don’t think that’s a coincidence I
I don’t think that’s a coincidence I
I don’t think that’s a coincidence I think actually these two work very well
think actually these two work very well
think actually these two work very well together so for me religion is an
together so for me religion is an
together so for me religion is an invitation to transform for me religion
invitation to transform for me religion
invitation to transform for me religion is about telling honest stories about
is about telling honest stories about
is about telling honest stories about yourself telling the whole story and
yourself telling the whole story and
yourself telling the whole story and being able to go to the places where you
being able to go to the places where you
being able to go to the places where you are hurt where you are afraid and also
are hurt where you are afraid and also
are hurt where you are afraid and also to be able to share those stories with a
to be able to share those stories with a
to be able to share those stories with a group of people can we listen to some
group of people can we listen to some
group of people can we listen to some music maybe
what did you feel
what did you feel listening to this music it’s on what bra
listening to this music it’s on what bra
listening to this music it’s on what bra hem it’s a lute player and I used to
hem it’s a lute player and I used to
hem it’s a lute player and I used to listen to this music a few years ago
listen to this music a few years ago
listen to this music a few years ago while I was finishing my dissertation
while I was finishing my dissertation
while I was finishing my dissertation now writing a dissertation is a hell of
now writing a dissertation is a hell of
now writing a dissertation is a hell of a job you know you have done this I see
a job you know you have done this I see
a job you know you have done this I see some nodding there any organs thank you
some nodding there any organs thank you
some nodding there any organs thank you for recognizing you know the the painful
for recognizing you know the the painful
for recognizing you know the the painful press process of Labor that a
press process of Labor that a
press process of Labor that a dissertation is you’ve done all these
dissertation is you’ve done all these
dissertation is you’ve done all these research and then you have to write a
research and then you have to write a
research and then you have to write a book and all the knowledge and
book and all the knowledge and
book and all the knowledge and everything has to be in the book in the
everything has to be in the book in the
everything has to be in the book in the right place using the right words so I
right place using the right words so I
right place using the right words so I was listening to this music and at the
was listening to this music and at the
was listening to this music and at the time I felt you know close to a nervous
time I felt you know close to a nervous
time I felt you know close to a nervous breakdown I was doubting whether I would
breakdown I was doubting whether I would
breakdown I was doubting whether I would ever succeed whether it would ever be a
ever succeed whether it would ever be a
ever succeed whether it would ever be a work that was worthwhile and I was very
work that was worthwhile and I was very
work that was worthwhile and I was very very stressed now when I listen to this
very stressed now when I listen to this
very stressed now when I listen to this music just now I realized that my
music just now I realized that my
music just now I realized that my response is so different so I be
response is so different so I be
response is so different so I be faithful and emotional so apparently
faithful and emotional so apparently
faithful and emotional so apparently something has transformed in the way I
something has transformed in the way I
something has transformed in the way I now look back on this period and I
now look back on this period and I
now look back on this period and I realize that actually what seemed to be
realize that actually what seemed to be
realize that actually what seemed to be such a horrible period of nervous
such a horrible period of nervous
such a horrible period of nervous breakdown
breakdown
breakdown in fact was a process of growth and I’m
in fact was a process of growth and I’m
in fact was a process of growth and I’m you know and I kind of think who was the
you know and I kind of think who was the
you know and I kind of think who was the woman you know writing this dissertation
woman you know writing this dissertation
woman you know writing this dissertation how did she manage to do all these
how did she manage to do all these
how did she manage to do all these things but she did and apparently it’s
things but she did and apparently it’s
things but she did and apparently it’s me so it’s you know and I learned so
me so it’s you know and I learned so
me so it’s you know and I learned so many things from that and and that’s a
many things from that and and that’s a
many things from that and and that’s a beautiful thing but it also makes clear
beautiful thing but it also makes clear
beautiful thing but it also makes clear to me that growth you know it involves
to me that growth you know it involves
to me that growth you know it involves pain it involves a lot of patience a lot
pain it involves a lot of patience a lot
pain it involves a lot of patience a lot of endurance and it also takes courage
of endurance and it also takes courage
of endurance and it also takes courage you know to endure not to step back not
you know to endure not to step back not
you know to endure not to step back not to give up but just to continue every
to give up but just to continue every
to give up but just to continue every single day in that process so I want to
single day in that process so I want to
single day in that process so I want to close with a story from the Bible
close with a story from the Bible
close with a story from the Bible because
because
because I’m a biblical scholar the dissertation
I’m a biblical scholar the dissertation
I’m a biblical scholar the dissertation was also was on the Old Testament
was also was on the Old Testament
was also was on the Old Testament actually religion and conflict if you’re
actually religion and conflict if you’re
actually religion and conflict if you’re interested and the story is from the
interested and the story is from the
interested and the story is from the book of Genesis Adam and Eve they are
book of Genesis Adam and Eve they are
book of Genesis Adam and Eve they are familiar right so so often the story is
familiar right so so often the story is
familiar right so so often the story is told kind of as a negative story
told kind of as a negative story
told kind of as a negative story so there’s paradise there’s you know the
so there’s paradise there’s you know the
so there’s paradise there’s you know the first set of humans Adam and Eve there’s
first set of humans Adam and Eve there’s
first set of humans Adam and Eve there’s the tree of knowledge of good and wrong
the tree of knowledge of good and wrong
the tree of knowledge of good and wrong and Eve stupidly you know plucks fruit
and Eve stupidly you know plucks fruit
and Eve stupidly you know plucks fruit from the tree and gives it to Adam I
from the tree and gives it to Adam I
from the tree and gives it to Adam I think she first takes a bite and then
think she first takes a bite and then
think she first takes a bite and then gives it to Adam and then everything
gives it to Adam and then everything
gives it to Adam and then everything goes wrong wrong wrong now I think
goes wrong wrong wrong now I think
goes wrong wrong wrong now I think there’s a different way of reading this
there’s a different way of reading this
there’s a different way of reading this narrative and that is a narrative of
narrative and that is a narrative of
narrative and that is a narrative of growth because when you think of it
growth because when you think of it
growth because when you think of it paradise is horrible
paradise is horrible
paradise is horrible it’s like an all-inclusive vacation you
it’s like an all-inclusive vacation you
it’s like an all-inclusive vacation you know there’s not much to do they’re not
know there’s not much to do they’re not
know there’s not much to do they’re not not any decisions to be made and you
not any decisions to be made and you
not any decisions to be made and you cannot grow because everything will stay
cannot grow because everything will stay
cannot grow because everything will stay the same it’s horrible so you know
the same it’s horrible so you know
the same it’s horrible so you know plucking the fruit and eating from it
plucking the fruit and eating from it
plucking the fruit and eating from it that’s the decision to become an adult I
that’s the decision to become an adult I
that’s the decision to become an adult I think and then real life starts and real
think and then real life starts and real
think and then real life starts and real life in a way you know we know it now so
life in a way you know we know it now so
life in a way you know we know it now so it comes with hardship it comes with
it comes with hardship it comes with
it comes with hardship it comes with responsibility it comes with the need to
responsibility it comes with the need to
responsibility it comes with the need to make choices and it comes with the
make choices and it comes with the
make choices and it comes with the possibility of growth and that I think
possibility of growth and that I think
possibility of growth and that I think is an extraordinary extraordinary
is an extraordinary extraordinary
is an extraordinary extraordinary beautiful thing so I wish all of us many
beautiful thing so I wish all of us many
beautiful thing so I wish all of us many many processes of growth thank you very
many processes of growth thank you very
many processes of growth thank you very much
much
much [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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