there is something particularly about when a child begins to talk when a
about when a child begins to talk when a
about when a child begins to talk when a baby starts making sounds that become
baby starts making sounds that become
baby starts making sounds that become words and then those words get put
words and then those words get put
words and then those words get put together into sentences to see a child
together into sentences to see a child
together into sentences to see a child be able to communicate it’s amazing and
be able to communicate it’s amazing and
be able to communicate it’s amazing and as soon as a child can start to
as soon as a child can start to
as soon as a child can start to communicate and can start to talk we
communicate and can start to talk we
communicate and can start to talk we tell them not to talk to strangers
tell them not to talk to strangers
tell them not to talk to strangers why if you’ve ever been around a
why if you’ve ever been around a
why if you’ve ever been around a three-year-old I can tell you it’s
three-year-old I can tell you it’s
three-year-old I can tell you it’s probably a wasted effort because they’re
probably a wasted effort because they’re
probably a wasted effort because they’re gonna look over the booth at the person
gonna look over the booth at the person
gonna look over the booth at the person at the restaurant and talk to them
at the restaurant and talk to them
at the restaurant and talk to them whether we say not to or we ignore them
whether we say not to or we ignore them
whether we say not to or we ignore them they’re going to refuse to say hello to
they’re going to refuse to say hello to
they’re going to refuse to say hello to their aunt when she comes over so in
their aunt when she comes over so in
their aunt when she comes over so in that sense it’s maybe a wasted effort
that sense it’s maybe a wasted effort
that sense it’s maybe a wasted effort but it occurred it occurred to me when
but it occurred it occurred to me when
but it occurred it occurred to me when my daughter was three and we were
my daughter was three and we were
my daughter was three and we were shopping she was really worried about
shopping she was really worried about
shopping she was really worried about her teeth falling out she was afraid it
her teeth falling out she was afraid it
her teeth falling out she was afraid it was gonna hurt and I explained to her I
was gonna hurt and I explained to her I
was gonna hurt and I explained to her I said Claire it’s not it doesn’t hurt but
said Claire it’s not it doesn’t hurt but
said Claire it’s not it doesn’t hurt but when you’re five or six your baby teeth
when you’re five or six your baby teeth
when you’re five or six your baby teeth will start to fall out and then your
will start to fall out and then your
will start to fall out and then your grown-up teeth will come in and the
grown-up teeth will come in and the
grown-up teeth will come in and the Tooth Fairy will come and give you money
Tooth Fairy will come and give you money
Tooth Fairy will come and give you money which seemed to leave her feeling ok so
which seemed to leave her feeling ok so
which seemed to leave her feeling ok so we finished shopping and we went to pay
we finished shopping and we went to pay
we finished shopping and we went to pay for our groceries and as I was putting
for our groceries and as I was putting
for our groceries and as I was putting the stuff on the counter I noticed that
the stuff on the counter I noticed that
the stuff on the counter I noticed that the cashier was missing a front tooth
the cashier was missing a front tooth
the cashier was missing a front tooth I’m not clairvoyant but sometimes I can
I’m not clairvoyant but sometimes I can
I’m not clairvoyant but sometimes I can see things coming and in this situation
see things coming and in this situation
see things coming and in this situation I had an idea of what was about to
I had an idea of what was about to
I had an idea of what was about to happen so I tried to distract her I said
happen so I tried to distract her I said
happen so I tried to distract her I said oh Claire can you help me move these
oh Claire can you help me move these
oh Claire can you help me move these things oh look at the there’s a tiger on
things oh look at the there’s a tiger on
things oh look at the there’s a tiger on the cereal box and it was it was not
the cereal box and it was it was not
the cereal box and it was it was not working as soon as the cashier smiled
working as soon as the cashier smiled
working as soon as the cashier smiled and said did you find everything you
and said did you find everything you
and said did you find everything you were looking for today
were looking for today
were looking for today Claire’s eyes lit up and she said oh you
Claire’s eyes lit up and she said oh you
Claire’s eyes lit up and she said oh you must be five or six
must be five or six
must be five or six and the cashier confused obviously said
and the cashier confused obviously said
and the cashier confused obviously said what was that sweetie
what was that sweetie
what was that sweetie and then Claire said well my dad told me
and then Claire said well my dad told me
and then Claire said well my dad told me and at that point she gestured at me and
and at that point she gestured at me and
and at that point she gestured at me and at the same moment I took a step back
at the same moment I took a step back
at the same moment I took a step back thinking like can I leave is there a way
thinking like can I leave is there a way
thinking like can I leave is there a way out of this situation but I love my
out of this situation but I love my
out of this situation but I love my daughter and also I needed the groceries
daughter and also I needed the groceries
daughter and also I needed the groceries so I decided to stick around my dad told
so I decided to stick around my dad told
so I decided to stick around my dad told me when I’m five or six my teeth will
me when I’m five or six my teeth will
me when I’m five or six my teeth will start falling out and your teeth are
start falling out and your teeth are
start falling out and your teeth are falling out so you must be five or six
falling out so you must be five or six
falling out so you must be five or six I hope the Tooth Fairy came and gave you
I hope the Tooth Fairy came and gave you
I hope the Tooth Fairy came and gave you lots of money which is an example of
lots of money which is an example of
lots of money which is an example of talking to strangers being sometimes
talking to strangers being sometimes
talking to strangers being sometimes awkward it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do
awkward it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do
awkward it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it though we tell kids don’t talk to
it though we tell kids don’t talk to
it though we tell kids don’t talk to strangers because we’re afraid and we
strangers because we’re afraid and we
strangers because we’re afraid and we hope that not talking to strangers will
hope that not talking to strangers will
hope that not talking to strangers will keep them safe we’re afraid that they’ll
keep them safe we’re afraid that they’ll
keep them safe we’re afraid that they’ll bother someone that doesn’t want to be
bother someone that doesn’t want to be
bother someone that doesn’t want to be in our update oral weave we’re afraid
in our update oral weave we’re afraid
in our update oral weave we’re afraid that they’re gonna say something that
that they’re gonna say something that
that they’re gonna say something that embarrasses us but talking of strangers
embarrasses us but talking of strangers
embarrasses us but talking of strangers is something that for kids for teenagers
is something that for kids for teenagers
is something that for kids for teenagers for adults it’s an essential skill if
for adults it’s an essential skill if
for adults it’s an essential skill if you go back 100 150 years this would
you go back 100 150 years this would
you go back 100 150 years this would have been primarily farmland the whole
have been primarily farmland the whole
have been primarily farmland the whole country would have been mostly rural if
country would have been mostly rural if
country would have been mostly rural if you were going from your farm to the
you were going from your farm to the
you were going from your farm to the market and you passed someone and you
market and you passed someone and you
market and you passed someone and you didn’t greet them whether it was a
didn’t greet them whether it was a
didn’t greet them whether it was a stranger whether it was a neighbor or a
stranger whether it was a neighbor or a
stranger whether it was a neighbor or a friend if you didn’t say hello you’d be
friend if you didn’t say hello you’d be
friend if you didn’t say hello you’d be considered lacking in social skills if
considered lacking in social skills if
considered lacking in social skills if you go back even further go back a few
you go back even further go back a few
you go back even further go back a few thousand years as a hunter and get
thousand years as a hunter and get
thousand years as a hunter and get hunter gatherer and the Serengeti or in
hunter gatherer and the Serengeti or in
hunter gatherer and the Serengeti or in the jungle of the forest if you came
the jungle of the forest if you came
the jungle of the forest if you came across someone you didn’t know the
across someone you didn’t know the
across someone you didn’t know the ability to communicate to recognize each
ability to communicate to recognize each
ability to communicate to recognize each other shared humanity wouldn’t be just a
other shared humanity wouldn’t be just a
other shared humanity wouldn’t be just a social skill it’s a survival skill and
social skill it’s a survival skill and
social skill it’s a survival skill and it continues to be a survival skill
it continues to be a survival skill
it continues to be a survival skill today I did extensive research on the
today I did extensive research on the
today I did extensive research on the government’s Department of Labor website
government’s Department of Labor website
government’s Department of Labor website I looked at monster.com
I looked at monster.com
I looked at monster.com I looked at career builder and you might
I looked at career builder and you might
I looked at career builder and you might be surprised to find out as I looked at
be surprised to find out as I looked at
be surprised to find out as I looked at careers and jobs the number of careers
careers and jobs the number of careers
careers and jobs the number of careers and jobs that involve no interaction
and jobs that involve no interaction
and jobs that involve no interaction people is none every job involves
people is none every job involves
people is none every job involves interacting with people in some way and
interacting with people in some way and
interacting with people in some way and if you think about people think about
if you think about people think about
if you think about people think about all the people you know from your your
all the people you know from your your
all the people you know from your your first grade teacher to your closest
first grade teacher to your closest
first grade teacher to your closest friends and family if you think about
friends and family if you think about
friends and family if you think about everyone you know at some point nearly
everyone you know at some point nearly
everyone you know at some point nearly all of them were strangers so if we are
all of them were strangers so if we are
all of them were strangers so if we are all working with strangers and
all working with strangers and
all working with strangers and interacting with strangers or people who
interacting with strangers or people who
interacting with strangers or people who were at one point strangers we need to
were at one point strangers we need to
were at one point strangers we need to be able to do that we need to be able to
be able to do that we need to be able to
be able to do that we need to be able to relate to each other there’s been a lot
relate to each other there’s been a lot
relate to each other there’s been a lot of studies on physiology how our body
of studies on physiology how our body
of studies on physiology how our body impacts our minds and our brain
impacts our minds and our brain
impacts our minds and our brain chemistry and one of the studies that I
chemistry and one of the studies that I
chemistry and one of the studies that I found particularly interesting was
found particularly interesting was
found particularly interesting was talking about smiling and in this study
talking about smiling and in this study
talking about smiling and in this study they had subjects just smiling just
they had subjects just smiling just
they had subjects just smiling just moving their face I’m gonna stop because
moving their face I’m gonna stop because
moving their face I’m gonna stop because that’s off-putting but they were just
that’s off-putting but they were just
that’s off-putting but they were just moving their face into a smile they
moving their face into a smile they
moving their face into a smile they weren’t thinking happy thoughts they
weren’t thinking happy thoughts they
weren’t thinking happy thoughts they weren’t watching fun cat videos they
weren’t watching fun cat videos they
weren’t watching fun cat videos they weren’t listening to inspirational music
weren’t listening to inspirational music
weren’t listening to inspirational music they were just smiling in a quiet room
they were just smiling in a quiet room
they were just smiling in a quiet room looking at a blank wall and the effects
looking at a blank wall and the effects
looking at a blank wall and the effects on their mood on their brain chemistry
on their mood on their brain chemistry
on their mood on their brain chemistry the serotonin the dopamine the things
the serotonin the dopamine the things
the serotonin the dopamine the things that signal happiness were remarkable
that signal happiness were remarkable
that signal happiness were remarkable now I have a hypothesis I haven’t tested
now I have a hypothesis I haven’t tested
now I have a hypothesis I haven’t tested it but I feel like if I were to put
it but I feel like if I were to put
it but I feel like if I were to put myself into a room staring in a blank
myself into a room staring in a blank
myself into a room staring in a blank wall willing my face muscles into a
wall willing my face muscles into a
wall willing my face muscles into a smile just so I could feel a little
smile just so I could feel a little
smile just so I could feel a little happier I don’t know that I would feel
happier I don’t know that I would feel
happier I don’t know that I would feel happy I feel like I would mostly feel
happy I feel like I would mostly feel
happy I feel like I would mostly feel goofy but then I thought about the way
goofy but then I thought about the way
goofy but then I thought about the way we interact with strangers I thought
we interact with strangers I thought
we interact with strangers I thought about that opportunity I think a big
about that opportunity I think a big
about that opportunity I think a big part of why we don’t talk to strangers
part of why we don’t talk to strangers
part of why we don’t talk to strangers is it’s overwhelming a hundred years ago
is it’s overwhelming a hundred years ago
is it’s overwhelming a hundred years ago you see a handful of people on your way
you see a handful of people on your way
you see a handful of people on your way to the market you say hello but how many
to the market you say hello but how many
to the market you say hello but how many people do we see on a daily basis dozens
people do we see on a daily basis dozens
people do we see on a daily basis dozens hundreds if we stopped and talked to
hundreds if we stopped and talked to
hundreds if we stopped and talked to everybody we wouldn’t be able to get
everybody we wouldn’t be able to get
everybody we wouldn’t be able to get anything else done but not every
anything else done but not every
anything else done but not every interaction needs to be a full
interaction needs to be a full
interaction needs to be a full conversation sometimes the interaction
conversation sometimes the interaction
conversation sometimes the interaction can be as simple as
can be as simple as
can be as simple as contact in a smile and so if we look at
contact in a smile and so if we look at
contact in a smile and so if we look at those studies and we look at that
those studies and we look at that
those studies and we look at that information and think well what if
information and think well what if
information and think well what if instead of forcing ourselves to smile so
instead of forcing ourselves to smile so
instead of forcing ourselves to smile so we could feel a little bit happier what
we could feel a little bit happier what
we could feel a little bit happier what if instead as we interact with people
if instead as we interact with people
if instead as we interact with people we’ve looked at each other instead of
we’ve looked at each other instead of
we’ve looked at each other instead of moving through our lives with our head
moving through our lives with our head
moving through our lives with our head down or in our phone what if we smiled
down or in our phone what if we smiled
down or in our phone what if we smiled at each other there’s probably some
at each other there’s probably some
at each other there’s probably some people that would not notice or some
people that would not notice or some
people that would not notice or some people who would think that we were a
people who would think that we were a
people who would think that we were a little bit strange but ultimately
little bit strange but ultimately
little bit strange but ultimately someone’s smiling and saying hello isn’t
someone’s smiling and saying hello isn’t
someone’s smiling and saying hello isn’t a bad thing it’s something that has a
a bad thing it’s something that has a
a bad thing it’s something that has a good impact for both of us then we could
good impact for both of us then we could
good impact for both of us then we could take it a step further if we’re feeling
take it a step further if we’re feeling
take it a step further if we’re feeling bold if we want to want to get a little
bold if we want to want to get a little
bold if we want to want to get a little crazy maybe we don’t just smile and make
crazy maybe we don’t just smile and make
crazy maybe we don’t just smile and make eye contact what if we greeted people
eye contact what if we greeted people
eye contact what if we greeted people what if we said something what would we
what if we said something what would we
what if we said something what would we say I mean there’s books and websites
say I mean there’s books and websites
say I mean there’s books and websites and YouTube channels dedicated to a
and YouTube channels dedicated to a
and YouTube channels dedicated to a great opening line or a great way to
great opening line or a great way to
great opening line or a great way to start talking to somebody but there’s
start talking to somebody but there’s
start talking to somebody but there’s one phrase that’s led to more first
one phrase that’s led to more first
one phrase that’s led to more first dates more successful business
dates more successful business
dates more successful business partnerships more marriages more
partnerships more marriages more
partnerships more marriages more friendships hi or hello if you’re not
friendships hi or hello if you’re not
friendships hi or hello if you’re not into the whole brevity thing you have an
into the whole brevity thing you have an
into the whole brevity thing you have an opportunity to greet people with just a
opportunity to greet people with just a
opportunity to greet people with just a simple hello and it’s important to
simple hello and it’s important to
simple hello and it’s important to recognize that it doesn’t just work if
recognize that it doesn’t just work if
recognize that it doesn’t just work if it’s someone that you’re attracted to
it’s someone that you’re attracted to
it’s someone that you’re attracted to and you’d like to go out on a date it
and you’d like to go out on a date it
and you’d like to go out on a date it doesn’t just work if it’s someone that
doesn’t just work if it’s someone that
doesn’t just work if it’s someone that you feel like might benefit you in a
you feel like might benefit you in a
you feel like might benefit you in a professional sense people sense that
professional sense people sense that
professional sense people sense that people know if you’re only talking to
people know if you’re only talking to
people know if you’re only talking to someone because you have a motive but
someone because you have a motive but
someone because you have a motive but just like smiling makes you happier
just like smiling makes you happier
just like smiling makes you happier engaging other people makes you engaging
engaging other people makes you engaging
engaging other people makes you engaging and there’s an opportunity with everyone
and there’s an opportunity with everyone
and there’s an opportunity with everyone we come across to greet them to engage
we come across to greet them to engage
we come across to greet them to engage them and to have a conversation so all
them and to have a conversation so all
them and to have a conversation so all right eye contact smile hello where do
right eye contact smile hello where do
right eye contact smile hello where do we go from there where do we usually go
we go from there where do we usually go
we go from there where do we usually go from there usually we go from there
from there usually we go from there
from there usually we go from there hi how are you what’s up how’s it going
hi how are you what’s up how’s it going
hi how are you what’s up how’s it going doesn’t leave a lot of doesn’t leave a
doesn’t leave a lot of doesn’t leave a
doesn’t leave a lot of doesn’t leave a lot of room for connections there’s not
lot of room for connections there’s not
lot of room for connections there’s not a lot of thought that’ll either go into
a lot of thought that’ll either go into
a lot of thought that’ll either go into that question or that answer how’s it
that question or that answer how’s it
that question or that answer how’s it going good what’s going on not much sup
going good what’s going on not much sup
going good what’s going on not much sup no those aren’t great questions but the
no those aren’t great questions but the
no those aren’t great questions but the great thing about questions is you don’t
great thing about questions is you don’t
great thing about questions is you don’t need to know things to ask a question if
need to know things to ask a question if
need to know things to ask a question if someone has by Yankees hat on you don’t
someone has by Yankees hat on you don’t
someone has by Yankees hat on you don’t need to know their starting lineup you
need to know their starting lineup you
need to know their starting lineup you don’t need to know their win-loss ratio
don’t need to know their win-loss ratio
don’t need to know their win-loss ratio you don’t know you need to know if they
you don’t know you need to know if they
you don’t know you need to know if they made it to the playoffs this year you
made it to the playoffs this year you
made it to the playoffs this year you didn’t even need to know what sport they
didn’t even need to know what sport they
didn’t even need to know what sport they play the simple question is how they do
play the simple question is how they do
play the simple question is how they do this year not so great well there’s
this year not so great well there’s
this year not so great well there’s always next year
always next year
always next year if someone’s wearing a crazy tie there’s
if someone’s wearing a crazy tie there’s
if someone’s wearing a crazy tie there’s only two explanations for that either
only two explanations for that either
only two explanations for that either they love that crazy tie or someone they
they love that crazy tie or someone they
they love that crazy tie or someone they love love that crazy tie and gave it to
love love that crazy tie and gave it to
love love that crazy tie and gave it to them and now they feel obligated to wear
them and now they feel obligated to wear
them and now they feel obligated to wear it so either way you have an opportunity
it so either way you have an opportunity
it so either way you have an opportunity to make a connection if someone’s
to make a connection if someone’s
to make a connection if someone’s wearing a Muddy Waters trail series
wearing a Muddy Waters trail series
wearing a Muddy Waters trail series shirt it’s because it’s something that
shirt it’s because it’s something that
shirt it’s because it’s something that they’ve experienced it’s something
they’ve experienced it’s something
they’ve experienced it’s something that’s interesting to them and that’s
that’s interesting to them and that’s
that’s interesting to them and that’s the opportunity that we have not only to
the opportunity that we have not only to
the opportunity that we have not only to learn about someone else but to learn
learn about someone else but to learn
learn about someone else but to learn about something else and it’s such a
about something else and it’s such a
about something else and it’s such a huge opportunity to do that talking to
huge opportunity to do that talking to
huge opportunity to do that talking to strangers is what makes us human it’s
strangers is what makes us human it’s
strangers is what makes us human it’s what connects us as a species we’re
what connects us as a species we’re
what connects us as a species we’re meant to be animals that live together
meant to be animals that live together
meant to be animals that live together in a packer and a herd we’re not meant
in a packer and a herd we’re not meant
in a packer and a herd we’re not meant to be like a Siberian tiger that lives
to be like a Siberian tiger that lives
to be like a Siberian tiger that lives all by his or her self for most of their
all by his or her self for most of their
all by his or her self for most of their lives that’s not who we are and that’s
lives that’s not who we are and that’s
lives that’s not who we are and that’s not who we’re meant to be I’m gonna let
not who we’re meant to be I’m gonna let
not who we’re meant to be I’m gonna let you off the hook on a couple things
you off the hook on a couple things
you off the hook on a couple things though so there’s two things that make
though so there’s two things that make
though so there’s two things that make us even more uncomfortable when it comes
us even more uncomfortable when it comes
us even more uncomfortable when it comes to talking to strangers one of them
to talking to strangers one of them
to talking to strangers one of them shaking hands somebody here not like
shaking hands somebody here not like
shaking hands somebody here not like shaking hands any germophobes or we’re
shaking hands any germophobes or we’re
shaking hands any germophobes or we’re gonna a hug hello okay so I’m gonna
gonna a hug hello okay so I’m gonna
gonna a hug hello okay so I’m gonna we’re going to take shaking hands and
we’re going to take shaking hands and
we’re going to take shaking hands and also using people’s names we’ll call
also using people’s names we’ll call
also using people’s names we’ll call that
that
that advanced talking to strangers and we’re
advanced talking to strangers and we’re
advanced talking to strangers and we’re gonna let you just practice the easy
gonna let you just practice the easy
gonna let you just practice the easy stuff now and then if you want to get
stuff now and then if you want to get
stuff now and then if you want to get more advanced then there’s a lot of
more advanced then there’s a lot of
more advanced then there’s a lot of research that physical contact has huge
research that physical contact has huge
research that physical contact has huge positive effects on us and also the
positive effects on us and also the
positive effects on us and also the impact on using people’s names and the
impact on using people’s names and the
impact on using people’s names and the way it lights up our brain and connects
way it lights up our brain and connects
way it lights up our brain and connects to our identity but I’m gonna give you a
to our identity but I’m gonna give you a
to our identity but I’m gonna give you a pass on that for now let’s just keep it
pass on that for now let’s just keep it
pass on that for now let’s just keep it simple let’s just talk to strangers and
simple let’s just talk to strangers and
simple let’s just talk to strangers and I use the word strangers intentionally
I use the word strangers intentionally
I use the word strangers intentionally strangers sounds uncomfortable it sounds
strangers sounds uncomfortable it sounds
strangers sounds uncomfortable it sounds a little scary
a little scary
a little scary strangers isn’t a word that sounds good
strangers isn’t a word that sounds good
strangers isn’t a word that sounds good and if I instead throughout this talk
and if I instead throughout this talk
and if I instead throughout this talk referred to strangers as friends you
referred to strangers as friends you
referred to strangers as friends you haven’t met yet that really wouldn’t be
haven’t met yet that really wouldn’t be
haven’t met yet that really wouldn’t be the reality of the situation the reality
the reality of the situation the reality
the reality of the situation the reality is talking to strangers is a little
is talking to strangers is a little
is talking to strangers is a little uncomfortable and it will continue to be
uncomfortable and it will continue to be
uncomfortable and it will continue to be uncomfortable but that’s the great
uncomfortable but that’s the great
uncomfortable but that’s the great opportunity that we have because we see
opportunity that we have because we see
opportunity that we have because we see so many strangers every day we have an
so many strangers every day we have an
so many strangers every day we have an opportunity to connect with people on a
opportunity to connect with people on a
opportunity to connect with people on a daily basis
daily basis
daily basis with a smile a Hello a few simple
with a smile a Hello a few simple
with a smile a Hello a few simple questions and in a small way it’s gonna
questions and in a small way it’s gonna
questions and in a small way it’s gonna increase our mood and cruise art and
increase our mood and cruise art and
increase our mood and cruise art and prove our lives in a small way it’s
prove our lives in a small way it’s
prove our lives in a small way it’s going to improve the moods of the people
going to improve the moods of the people
going to improve the moods of the people that were interacting with and with a
that were interacting with and with a
that were interacting with and with a very minimal effort we can make the
very minimal effort we can make the
very minimal effort we can make the world a better place thank you very much
world a better place thank you very much
world a better place thank you very much [Applause]
”
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