let me start by asking you the following question who are you
question who are you
question who are you yes and I mean I know that you’re aware
yes and I mean I know that you’re aware
yes and I mean I know that you’re aware of your name but what do you tell people
of your name but what do you tell people
of your name but what do you tell people when you meet them you tell them your
when you meet them you tell them your
when you meet them you tell them your resume you tell them something personal
resume you tell them something personal
resume you tell them something personal what do you share in my work I
what do you share in my work I
what do you share in my work I experienced that three out of four
experienced that three out of four
experienced that three out of four people don’t have a clue of who they are
people don’t have a clue of who they are
people don’t have a clue of who they are and I can almost see you thinking right
and I can almost see you thinking right
and I can almost see you thinking right I’m not one of those three well maybe
I’m not one of those three well maybe
I’m not one of those three well maybe you know me through sports a judoka a
you know me through sports a judoka a
you know me through sports a judoka a fighting machine
fighting machine
fighting machine totally not being myself or maybe you
totally not being myself or maybe you
totally not being myself or maybe you know me through expedition always home
know me through expedition always home
know me through expedition always home running around in a bikini
running around in a bikini
running around in a bikini totally not being myself or maybe some
totally not being myself or maybe some
totally not being myself or maybe some of you know me through my work i guide
of you know me through my work i guide
of you know me through my work i guide people living my passion being myself my
people living my passion being myself my
people living my passion being myself my goal is that in the end of this talk you
goal is that in the end of this talk you
goal is that in the end of this talk you know what kind of questions you need to
know what kind of questions you need to
know what kind of questions you need to ask yourself to become closer to your
ask yourself to become closer to your
ask yourself to become closer to your true self but first I want to take you
true self but first I want to take you
true self but first I want to take you on my journey how did I become that
on my journey how did I become that
on my journey how did I become that fighting machine how did I lose the real
fighting machine how did I lose the real
fighting machine how did I lose the real me well I grew up in then Helder does
me well I grew up in then Helder does
me well I grew up in then Helder does anybody know what kind of town an elder
anybody know what kind of town an elder
anybody know what kind of town an elder is except it’s the end of the world
is except it’s the end of the world
is except it’s the end of the world right yes well then he’ll there is a
right yes well then he’ll there is a
right yes well then he’ll there is a small Navy town where there’s lots of
small Navy town where there’s lots of
small Navy town where there’s lots of wind and a boat to catch I grew up with
wind and a boat to catch I grew up with
wind and a boat to catch I grew up with a father being a Navy officer my father
a father being a Navy officer my father
a father being a Navy officer my father was away most of the time in the first
was away most of the time in the first
was away most of the time in the first ten years of my life and when my father
ten years of my life and when my father
ten years of my life and when my father was at home he didn’t do well with
was at home he didn’t do well with
was at home he didn’t do well with emotions so what happened when I was a
emotions so what happened when I was a
emotions so what happened when I was a little girl and I started to cry he
little girl and I started to cry he
little girl and I started to cry he always looked at me and he was like what
always looked at me and he was like what
always looked at me and he was like what are you doing why are you crying how
are you doing why are you crying how
are you doing why are you crying how does that help you plus the solution for
does that help you plus the solution for
does that help you plus the solution for the problem I was having at that time
the problem I was having at that time
the problem I was having at that time and as a child you would do anything for
and as a child you would do anything for
and as a child you would do anything for love and you want to make your parents
love and you want to make your parents
love and you want to make your parents happy so what did I do as the little
happy so what did I do as the little
happy so what did I do as the little girl I looked up to my father and I was
girl I looked up to my father and I was
girl I looked up to my father and I was like okay I’m gonna be perfect I’m gonna
like okay I’m gonna be perfect I’m gonna
like okay I’m gonna be perfect I’m gonna be strong that’s what I started doing in
be strong that’s what I started doing in
be strong that’s what I started doing in every aspect of my life in school but
every aspect of my life in school but
every aspect of my life in school but also in the sport that I practiced which
also in the sport that I practiced which
also in the sport that I practiced which was judo and what started off as
was judo and what started off as
was judo and what started off as playfully learning how to do judo soon
playfully learning how to do judo soon
playfully learning how to do judo soon became a quest in being the best it was
became a quest in being the best it was
became a quest in being the best it was all about winning and losing well not so
all about winning and losing well not so
all about winning and losing well not so much the losing part because I really
much the losing part because I really
much the losing part because I really hated losing and when I lost I got
hated losing and when I lost I got
hated losing and when I lost I got really grumpy at age 16 I qualified for
really grumpy at age 16 I qualified for
really grumpy at age 16 I qualified for the World Championships in the junior
the World Championships in the junior
the World Championships in the junior division and I remember it all too well
division and I remember it all too well
division and I remember it all too well before I left to Portugal my parents
before I left to Portugal my parents
before I left to Portugal my parents said to me well just enjoy the ride and
said to me well just enjoy the ride and
said to me well just enjoy the ride and have fun fun fun I’m not there to have
have fun fun fun I’m not there to have
have fun fun fun I’m not there to have fun I’m there to collect gold and so I
fun I’m there to collect gold and so I
fun I’m there to collect gold and so I did and when I came home I told my
did and when I came home I told my
did and when I came home I told my mother this is what I want to do when I
mother this is what I want to do when I
mother this is what I want to do when I grow up I want to be the best in the
grow up I want to be the best in the
grow up I want to be the best in the world in judo at age 19 I qualified for
world in judo at age 19 I qualified for
world in judo at age 19 I qualified for my first Olympic Games in Sydney didn’t
my first Olympic Games in Sydney didn’t
my first Olympic Games in Sydney didn’t get a medal over there which to me was
get a medal over there which to me was
get a medal over there which to me was like a complete failure but hey I worked
like a complete failure but hey I worked
like a complete failure but hey I worked harder and harder and four years later
harder and harder and four years later
harder and harder and four years later Olympic Games in Athens I made it to the
Olympic Games in Athens I made it to the
Olympic Games in Athens I made it to the final I was ahead and there were two
final I was ahead and there were two
final I was ahead and there were two minutes left on the clock
minutes left on the clock
minutes left on the clock then there was a stop in the fight I
then there was a stop in the fight I
then there was a stop in the fight I walked back to my place my heart was
walked back to my place my heart was
walked back to my place my heart was pounding and I thought in a split second
pounding and I thought in a split second
pounding and I thought in a split second if I keep this up I could write history
if I keep this up I could write history
if I keep this up I could write history I could be Olympic champion and the
I could be Olympic champion and the
I could be Olympic champion and the moment I walked up to my Japanese
moment I walked up to my Japanese
moment I walked up to my Japanese opponent she threw me for a pawn bomb
opponent she threw me for a pawn bomb
opponent she threw me for a pawn bomb there I was I lost and my world
there I was I lost and my world
there I was I lost and my world collapsed I didn’t want to think about
collapsed I didn’t want to think about
collapsed I didn’t want to think about it
it
it I just kept on working harder and harder
I just kept on working harder and harder
I just kept on working harder and harder and the year after I became world
and the year after I became world
and the year after I became world champion
champion
champion world champion was yeah but was I happy
world champion was yeah but was I happy
world champion was yeah but was I happy no I wasn’t happy I was relieved that I
no I wasn’t happy I was relieved that I
no I wasn’t happy I was relieved that I finally lived up to my own expectations
finally lived up to my own expectations
finally lived up to my own expectations or at least a little bit at age 28
or at least a little bit at age 28
or at least a little bit at age 28 I got stuck if you looked at me on the
I got stuck if you looked at me on the
I got stuck if you looked at me on the outside I had the perfect life I mean
outside I had the perfect life I mean
outside I had the perfect life I mean had only Big Meadow
had only Big Meadow
had only Big Meadow I was world champion I had a handsome
I was world champion I had a handsome
I was world champion I had a handsome boyfriend we had a big house
boyfriend we had a big house
boyfriend we had a big house I had a bachelor degree and sweet family
I had a bachelor degree and sweet family
I had a bachelor degree and sweet family and friends and I was unhappy but what
and friends and I was unhappy but what
and friends and I was unhappy but what do you do as a perfectionist I would
do you do as a perfectionist I would
do you do as a perfectionist I would never tell anyone I mean it would be a
never tell anyone I mean it would be a
never tell anyone I mean it would be a complete failure so I walked around
complete failure so I walked around
complete failure so I walked around ashamed and I kept on working my ass off
ashamed and I kept on working my ass off
ashamed and I kept on working my ass off to be perfect at age 30 my family and
to be perfect at age 30 my family and
to be perfect at age 30 my family and friends decided to throw me a party it
friends decided to throw me a party it
friends decided to throw me a party it was a dress-up party I look like a
was a dress-up party I look like a
was a dress-up party I look like a princess with a tiara and the limousine
princess with a tiara and the limousine
princess with a tiara and the limousine took me to the party I was there and the
took me to the party I was there and the
took me to the party I was there and the moment I walked in I saw all my friends
moment I walked in I saw all my friends
moment I walked in I saw all my friends and family they were chatting they were
and family they were chatting they were
and family they were chatting they were having fun some of them were dancing and
having fun some of them were dancing and
having fun some of them were dancing and I just had the feeling that I walked
I just had the feeling that I walked
I just had the feeling that I walked into my worst nightmare I immediately
into my worst nightmare I immediately
into my worst nightmare I immediately started drinking and as an athlete my
started drinking and as an athlete my
started drinking and as an athlete my alcohol tolerance was like zero yeah so
alcohol tolerance was like zero yeah so
alcohol tolerance was like zero yeah so I got drunk really really fast
I got drunk really really fast
I got drunk really really fast and what do they say about drunk people
and what do they say about drunk people
and what do they say about drunk people yes they start telling the truth right
yes they start telling the truth right
yes they start telling the truth right yes so I did my boyfriend took me to
yes so I did my boyfriend took me to
yes so I did my boyfriend took me to some kind of suite with champagne I
some kind of suite with champagne I
some kind of suite with champagne I walked in I didn’t even see it and at
walked in I didn’t even see it and at
walked in I didn’t even see it and at one point he looked at me and he said
one point he looked at me and he said
one point he looked at me and he said what’s going on I don’t recognize you
what’s going on I don’t recognize you
what’s going on I don’t recognize you anymore and what did I do when somebody
anymore and what did I do when somebody
anymore and what did I do when somebody questioned me I always started fighting
questioned me I always started fighting
questioned me I always started fighting that’s what I knew so we argued and we
that’s what I knew so we argued and we
that’s what I knew so we argued and we quarreled and then his words hit
quarreled and then his words hit
quarreled and then his words hit he said now I have the feeling you don’t
he said now I have the feeling you don’t
he said now I have the feeling you don’t love me anymore that was the moment that
love me anymore that was the moment that
love me anymore that was the moment that I couldn’t say anything I just started
I couldn’t say anything I just started
I couldn’t say anything I just started to cry I looked at him and I said I
to cry I looked at him and I said I
to cry I looked at him and I said I don’t know I don’t feel it and I don’t
don’t know I don’t feel it and I don’t
don’t know I don’t feel it and I don’t feel it with you I don’t feel it in
feel it with you I don’t feel it in
feel it with you I don’t feel it in every aspect of my life
the next day I told my sister she got
the next day I told my sister she got really angry and she said to me if
really angry and she said to me if
really angry and she said to me if you’re still not happy and you have all
you’re still not happy and you have all
you’re still not happy and you have all these things it’s time that you take a
these things it’s time that you take a
these things it’s time that you take a good look in the mirror this is not the
good look in the mirror this is not the
good look in the mirror this is not the rest of the world it’s you people it was
rest of the world it’s you people it was
rest of the world it’s you people it was the day that I found out that I wasn’t
the day that I found out that I wasn’t
the day that I found out that I wasn’t perfect in fact I wasn’t myself at all
perfect in fact I wasn’t myself at all
perfect in fact I wasn’t myself at all but who was I I really didn’t know the
but who was I I really didn’t know the
but who was I I really didn’t know the only thing I knew is there needed to be
only thing I knew is there needed to be
only thing I knew is there needed to be a change so I did what i found most
a change so I did what i found most
a change so I did what i found most difficult to do I asked somebody to help
difficult to do I asked somebody to help
difficult to do I asked somebody to help me
me
me [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] I found a person who didn’t know me my
I found a person who didn’t know me my
I found a person who didn’t know me my world and was able to guide me the funny
world and was able to guide me the funny
world and was able to guide me the funny thing is I had the first meeting with my
thing is I had the first meeting with my
thing is I had the first meeting with my life coach and I just told him my story
life coach and I just told him my story
life coach and I just told him my story and I looked at him and I said give me
and I looked at him and I said give me
and I looked at him and I said give me some solutions like give me the Stephen
some solutions like give me the Stephen
some solutions like give me the Stephen Kofi book the seven rules a goal to
Kofi book the seven rules a goal to
Kofi book the seven rules a goal to achieve and then tell ah I would be
achieve and then tell ah I would be
achieve and then tell ah I would be happy but it was completely different
happy but it was completely different
happy but it was completely different there were no shortcuts the day I found
there were no shortcuts the day I found
there were no shortcuts the day I found out that becoming yourself is a life
out that becoming yourself is a life
out that becoming yourself is a life process and that there is no goal to
process and that there is no goal to
process and that there is no goal to achieve just to live through your
achieve just to live through your
achieve just to live through your process it made me cry it was a slow and
process it made me cry it was a slow and
process it made me cry it was a slow and at times really hard process becoming
at times really hard process becoming
at times really hard process becoming aware of my behavior what I was doing
aware of my behavior what I was doing
aware of my behavior what I was doing all the time which made me aware of my
all the time which made me aware of my
all the time which made me aware of my patterns and you must know you develop
patterns and you must know you develop
patterns and you must know you develop your behavior and your patterns in the
your behavior and your patterns in the
your behavior and your patterns in the first 10 years of your life so you form
first 10 years of your life so you form
first 10 years of your life so you form yourself in the family you grow up
yourself in the family you grow up
yourself in the family you grow up remember I told you about Den Helder and
remember I told you about Den Helder and
remember I told you about Den Helder and about my father so you can imagine that
about my father so you can imagine that
about my father so you can imagine that I developed behavior and patterns to
I developed behavior and patterns to
I developed behavior and patterns to stop crying
stop crying
stop crying and having emotions and it’s quite a
and having emotions and it’s quite a
and having emotions and it’s quite a journey to take a deep look inside
journey to take a deep look inside
journey to take a deep look inside yourself I found things about myself
yourself I found things about myself
yourself I found things about myself that I really didn’t like but they’re
that I really didn’t like but they’re
that I really didn’t like but they’re also part of me I know that everyone has
also part of me I know that everyone has
also part of me I know that everyone has things they don’t like about themselves
things they don’t like about themselves
things they don’t like about themselves but the key to success is to accept that
but the key to success is to accept that
but the key to success is to accept that there are certain things you can’t
there are certain things you can’t
there are certain things you can’t change and the most important is don’t
change and the most important is don’t
change and the most important is don’t resist it don’t find it or ignore it the
resist it don’t find it or ignore it the
resist it don’t find it or ignore it the only thing it wants is attention and
only thing it wants is attention and
only thing it wants is attention and it’s that feeling that is telling you
it’s that feeling that is telling you
it’s that feeling that is telling you something so what did I discover well I
something so what did I discover well I
something so what did I discover well I discovered that I’m a sweet sensitive
discovered that I’m a sweet sensitive
discovered that I’m a sweet sensitive really soft woman yes
and that I’m perfect the way that I am
and that I’m perfect the way that I am with all my imperfections and it’s an
with all my imperfections and it’s an
with all my imperfections and it’s an open door but there is a huge difference
open door but there is a huge difference
open door but there is a huge difference in saying that you are okay with your
in saying that you are okay with your
in saying that you are okay with your imperfections or really feel that you
imperfections or really feel that you
imperfections or really feel that you are okay with it and because I know
are okay with it and because I know
are okay with it and because I know better now Who I am it’s easier to make
better now Who I am it’s easier to make
better now Who I am it’s easier to make decisions and stay true to myself if you
decisions and stay true to myself if you
decisions and stay true to myself if you know who you are you don’t have to live
know who you are you don’t have to live
know who you are you don’t have to live up to somebody’s expectations or your
up to somebody’s expectations or your
up to somebody’s expectations or your vision of their expectations and what I
vision of their expectations and what I
vision of their expectations and what I already said life discovering yourself
already said life discovering yourself
already said life discovering yourself is a life process so you will keep on
is a life process so you will keep on
is a life process so you will keep on discovering things you don’t know about
discovering things you don’t know about
discovering things you don’t know about yourself two years later I was at my
yourself two years later I was at my
yourself two years later I was at my parents house I was in the kitchen I was
parents house I was in the kitchen I was
parents house I was in the kitchen I was crying because I was sad my father
crying because I was sad my father
crying because I was sad my father walked into the kitchen what are you
walked into the kitchen what are you
walked into the kitchen what are you doing why are you crying and I looked at
doing why are you crying and I looked at
doing why are you crying and I looked at him with it yeah I’m crying because I’m
him with it yeah I’m crying because I’m
him with it yeah I’m crying because I’m sad how does that help you and then I
sad how does that help you and then I
sad how does that help you and then I said or he said something that made me
said or he said something that made me
said or he said something that made me really proud he said you know I’m not
really proud he said you know I’m not
really proud he said you know I’m not good at this stuff
and I looked at him and I said dad it’s
and I looked at him and I said dad it’s okay you don’t have to do anything with
okay you don’t have to do anything with
okay you don’t have to do anything with it these are my emotions I’m sad and I
it these are my emotions I’m sad and I
it these are my emotions I’m sad and I think I’m allowed to cry with my parents
think I’m allowed to cry with my parents
think I’m allowed to cry with my parents and then he said okay okay just stay
and then he said okay okay just stay
and then he said okay okay just stay here I will get your mom he walked away
here I will get your mom he walked away
here I will get your mom he walked away and I laughed yes well so if people ask
and I laughed yes well so if people ask
and I laughed yes well so if people ask me what I’m most proud of it’s not the
me what I’m most proud of it’s not the
me what I’m most proud of it’s not the medals it’s that I became aware of Who I
medals it’s that I became aware of Who I
medals it’s that I became aware of Who I am and I invite you to take a deep look
am and I invite you to take a deep look
am and I invite you to take a deep look at yourself
at yourself
at yourself look in the mirror feel what you’re
look in the mirror feel what you’re
look in the mirror feel what you’re feeling because your feeling is telling
feeling because your feeling is telling
feeling because your feeling is telling you something and do you take yourself
you something and do you take yourself
you something and do you take yourself seriously ask yourself questions what is
seriously ask yourself questions what is
seriously ask yourself questions what is my story Who am I and what do I want ask
my story Who am I and what do I want ask
my story Who am I and what do I want ask these questions over over and over again
these questions over over and over again
these questions over over and over again thank you
[Applause]
[Applause] you
you
you [Applause]
”
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