good emotional dependence is very
ill seen in our society
nobody wants to be emotionally independent
because when we think dependence
emotional
first thing that comes to mind is
person that sticky character does not
can be single character does not end
relationship and even that they go wrong and this in
our society that quite the opposite
not the society of man and woman
self – made is not frowned upon
we only want autonomous people
self-sufficient independent however
we forget that we are the most
social that there is on the planet and this
it’s exactly the same as saying we are
the PCs more dependent than in the plan
for all our development has been
social will come a lot is saying good
Normal children who are dependent
but adults we have to be
Independent
that’s what psychology thought
until recently we thought that the
development was to go from dependence
absolute of childhood to the
absolute independence of the adult but
we do not know that people forward
is really independent what we know
is that if there was an adult
absolutely independent
this would be a social pathology and
emotional but a problem either by the
loneliness of that person or whether by the
lack of empathy that leads to your problem
it’s not really that we do not progress from the
dependence on independence
what happens is that we change the type
of dependence when we are small
we have what we call a dependency
vertical from above the hands in which
there is one person who cares and another who is
taken care of a person who provides and another
that receives what happens with children and
parents and throughout our lives
the dependency does not disappear but rather
we are changing the capacity until the
point of getting to have the ability to
learn horizontally from each other in
the quillá one takes care and another receives but
also the one that receives takes care and both give
this would be the relationship of
eleven ideal among adults the
interdependence
you already know that there are many adults who
do not get here he knows
some are our partner but good
I should have arrived here there are people
who have difficulties in this
transition
there are parents who are very good parents with
very dependent babies but nevertheless
when those children become teenagers
and they begin to demand autonomy
this is a conflict that was an adult that
in their relationships do not seek
these types of relationships are still looking
they are still looking for someone who
Strain or provide them or there are others who
They are looking for someone to take care of
or someone who sometimes save someone
who to master the law and this are not
healthy relationships the healthy relationships of
dependency among adults are these
horizontals that are needed to have
Horizontal relationships between adult two
things I think I like it to be simple
autonomy and privacy is the following
ask how we have autonomy
privacy
the first variable is regulation
emotional to emotional regulation is
everything that I do to influence
about my mood and it excites me
that we have human beings
basically two big types of
emotional regulation , self – regulation
and self- regulation coregulation this
that what I do only for
influence my mood come out
to do sports do meditation do
relaxation 23 self-regulation
co-regulation in what I do with other
person or with other people to
find me better give me a bad
news and called someone and talking to
that person I feel better this is
ccoo regulation
these are the two great way good
we see that there are people who are very
good self-regulating but very bad
as a regulator you come up with this
person that when they are wrong or
when there is a conflict tend to
isolate themselves tend to move away because they
they need to self-regulate before going back
to contact with others and also
we see that there are people that happens to
backwards they are very good with regulating
but very bad self-regulating that
happens
When there is a conflict, it is wrong
they need to look for the other to look for people
imagine that these two form a couple
you do not have to imagine a lot they are very
frequent couple in which there is a car
and a coach and they have a conflict that
happen the car is going to try to flee and the
cob is going to be behind the car that happens
they are not going to run and fly they are going to
regulate each other
this variable the Polish coregulation of
regulation is the central element that
distinguish couples that work
well of those that work badly is a
problem because people as far as
that regular codee moves away each
more time is not coming
feeling worse and people when they
Elbow regulates does not resolve conflicts
simply that you park them and what
makes a relationship grow is power
resolve conflicts conflicts is not
the problem the problem is how
we solve this conflict because to fix
that this element so apparently
essential trickery along with the
co-regulation another very variable
important in safety relation to
which is how I’m sure I feel when
I’m alone and as sure I feel
when I’m with people we already know
where is the autonomy
if I am able to self-regulate and I am
able to be good I only have capacity
of autonomy
If I am capable of co-regulation,
I have the ability to be well with the
the rest
I have the capacity for privacy and that’s what
what we need to be able to maintain
side of healthy adult people
horizontal as a right to people
able to have autonomy intimacy
the news that I bring you yes, it has already been
that person
we believe that there are valid we do not know
where are they
We are looking for you do not worry about
how much do we see with his whereabouts or
We will let you know if by chance I call him
the green and does it with a green dot
if by chance or against and with a
green casaros
certainly nothing of a married couple is
very ugly no matter who is married is
uncle i’m not gay no matter nobody
perfect married is that I do not know if it’s
good and now comes the best thing is that not
I know if it’s good in bed is good in the
bed is the worst because in the greatest
cause of sexual dysfunctions the
interpersonal anxiety and they do not have these
aunts and uncles do not have the assets are
good in bed they married I did not think and
you will have a marriage as happy as
frog gustavo and psc has done very well
but good as most of us do not have
that great level of regulation the most
likely that I met people with
other problems for example more person
in this pole in the town of the
co-regulation vale were eco characters
regulated we said that they had more
problems for autonomy so its
fear which many are unconscious
about fear but his basic fear is
to be abandoned abandoned real or
emotionally their fears that leave them
of wanting these people are
constantly forcing because the
want like falling well currándoelo
a little bit being very effective you feel
very efficient of a lot of power and recognize
in this
forgetting his own need for
look at the needs of others
they have a hard time saying they do not say what
not twice to the third say yes
it’s worth to say that insist three times
always always always say that if I go
to have a work team
you have to have at least one of this
pole we call this problem not the
submissive dependent town
you have to have at least one dependent
Submissive than the one who does the tasks that are not
he wants to do nobody you have to go pick up
to a speaker that my birthday
daughter and wants to pick up three times good
I’m going to leave allegations of the team
work is very good, they tend to burn
45 years old you have to throw it out and put
another and there’s no fix to have it
planned putting a little serious this
kind of people are people who are
at a risk of falling into
abusive because they can not fall into it if
They follow them easier than not
let bergé stay
you can also have good and with this
what we do not do with the greens have to
to marry said this prevented the exposed
in yellow not what we have to do
Well, it depends if your partner is
a little phenomenal recorder caregiver
phenomenal or will you have as a king
as a queen
that yes with it only a handful every month
and a half each month they say they do not
I want enough it feels bad
when they have made the super gift and
his birthday is not agreed but
they are small things of my hand
left most especially if they are
very dependent very of the submissive town
not because one thing is that you go out with
your colleague one night to the one region
message that says to pass it very well with your
friend honey I love you and three more
also in retinas 15 and 15 yo and another
couple I do not know if the boy and simultaneously caught
honey, there are not six but if there is not much
people in the world is productivity and bay
center
many people to look
can also touch someone from the
opposite pole if it is in the pole
dependent the town against
dependent or avoidant if they have
fear of autonomy
these are afraid of intimacy which
it’s your fear of being abandoned the fear of
them is to be invaded lose their
individuality lose that autonomy that
they treasure what they do then
move away to distance yourself to put space
with others they need much easier
that others not only with others
they also need space with themselves
they do not know it but not so well their
emotions
ok they think they feel less than
others or believe that the rest of the world
we are crazy and we have many options
but really they feel less
emotions of the normals
I’m sorry for what I am
discovering and some
besides, they almost do not even feel
physically a lot are disconnected
physically are usually those who
they dance fatal is devoted to computer science
frequently to the
go to the fence and recognizing there
way of recognizing the simple can
put in front of one so far from
your feelings that you can put
in front of one tell him hey how do you
you feel let’s talk about a feeling
and they usually stay paralyzed
eyelash three times I made e avoidant
there are manifests be equitable that you
You take me three years with this person
he has never met anyone in his family
never met your friend
we are realizing that you avoid tivo that
you need not only manifest but
there is also and emotional that are
people who apparently relate very
well but not really intimate for a
mystery of nature that I do not know
still see if someone does a thesis
doctoral in the whole family there is a
emotional avoidant brother-in-law
we do not know why this character that or
against and in Christmas meals the
barbecues talk to him he says he’s
very good very well how about everything very
well very well very well but does not connect
know one of these does not avoid type
emotional seems that but intimacy
it costs you horrors not without self-esteem
they depended others are
less dependent on the opinion of
others are more able to say that if
that they feel they do not receive when
give these seven many times as
too much demand something that others
He says goodbye a lot, he asks for a lot of connection
affective
they also get tired are people are many
times when they are carers or caregivers
very tired and also without feeling
guilty for feeling they are not at
height of love they receive or that they
they do not want as much as the others and the
third big block the one that does not have much
to do with regulation but with the
national security is the block that
we call dominant that that was
insumiso dependents are against
dependent these are dominant
if the dependents what are afraid
of being abandoned the dominant ones is not
that are afraid of being abandoned as
if I had unconsciously again
deep down the conviction that if the
people really know they are going to
Leave
it’s like they have such low value that
they are convinced that they will be
sometimes abandoned the conviction to the
that have come along in his life is
that you can not trust others who
the others will end up betraying you
you are how you can start a
relationship from the control of the only
way they have to use different
forms of control like aggressive control
direct domain this you know there are
much sometimes aggressive indirect control
passive that seems like I am
controlling mom I’m going I’m going to take
a beer pt said have a great time
well do not arrive too late you know that
until it does not arrive I can not sleep anymore
He knows that when the tension does not go up
especially the doctor be told by a
infarction at 11 at home be a domain
aggressive passive that you are not there
some even more useful there are already some
that we call the inverse dependence that
what they do is take care but take care
that make you totally depending on
their care are castrating caretakers not
he feels that he is becoming totally
There is a book by Stephen King
misery in the vehicle also that
portraits exaggerates a bit this kind of
Pattern
Well, there we have beige there those
three great blog
what happens with any other block already
you see that none of them keep
horizontal relationships that happens with
these people are not at
greens there is very little but still not
find they hardly form relationship
the greens become racist they are
they do not understand each other but what
another does not understand the greens that
another group would fit for example if
we have from that flew two aggregators
caregivers will form a couple both
trying to please the two trying
take care of none being able to receive
Be careful that does not go anywhere
that ends all avoidant if you greet
in the street we are already leaving with a song
teeth shaped as a couple
but imagine or just the opposite a
I like the caregiver with an avoidant
Careful engraver can not help it
wants to save the avoidance of his
sadness you can not be helpless
He speaks little and crouches and said
come here hummer coyote and the
roadrunner does not the same happens with the
dominant thread and the most submissive
dominant with dominant is very difficult
that fits but submissive mantecono
they fit perfectly well too
that’s why we see so many couples of that
Balearic block there they enter not in a
conflicting balance in an escalation
conflictive that’s why I’ve seen that
dominant ones have red lights to the
red lights are with those who do not have
to be a couple
well this would be a bit could be
well for a while but it was his mind the idea
was to give a bit a little vignette almost one
caricature not of the different
relationships how it is formed in how it
structure and how they are keeping me
I’d like to finish with two appointments
of the English poet
Oden we must stick to die my
touchdown teacher that there is I do not think
is English but lost Mediterranean and the
sartre’s appointment hell are the others
these two quotes represent the two
poles and the idea of dating between
these two poles between that kind of
Efficient relationship and live to others
like hell
there is a wide range of relationships
healthy
and these healthy relationships are very
interesting for two reasons the first
because we really do not just know each other
in relation to others when I’m with
the others when I have conflicts with
others
in those conflicts come those parts of
me that I do not like to see normally
the second reason why the
relationships are interesting but I
because if conflicts are resolved
they help us to learn to love
the people that are fallible that
they make mistakes that are wrong in a
little like all of us
good so you know now when
finish the rest that is outside
tangle involved you saying or the
daily with each other of zeal that you see
depend on each other but please
depend on healthy
thank you very much
”
Be First to Comment