wow this is scary I know what it’s like to perform on a daily basis and to not
to perform on a daily basis and to not
to perform on a daily basis and to not really be given a choice about whether I
really be given a choice about whether I
really be given a choice about whether I even want to perform for many of us
even want to perform for many of us
even want to perform for many of us living with mental illness daily life
living with mental illness daily life
living with mental illness daily life can be a rehearsed performance skillful
can be a rehearsed performance skillful
can be a rehearsed performance skillful and rehearsed you have to wake up and
and rehearsed you have to wake up and
and rehearsed you have to wake up and put on a face every day for a society
put on a face every day for a society
put on a face every day for a society that still doesn’t truly accept you see
that still doesn’t truly accept you see
that still doesn’t truly accept you see with a mental illness you get really
with a mental illness you get really
with a mental illness you get really good at performing because you have to
good at performing because you have to
good at performing because you have to you have to put on a face and be
you have to put on a face and be
you have to put on a face and be acceptable hide your symptoms and make
acceptable hide your symptoms and make
acceptable hide your symptoms and make conversation and that takes energy so
conversation and that takes energy so
conversation and that takes energy so much energy and you’re spending all this
much energy and you’re spending all this
much energy and you’re spending all this energy just so the people around you
energy just so the people around you
energy just so the people around you don’t have to feel uncomfortable so that
don’t have to feel uncomfortable so that
don’t have to feel uncomfortable so that you don’t have to worry about not being
you don’t have to worry about not being
you don’t have to worry about not being accepted it feels hollow and isolating
accepted it feels hollow and isolating
accepted it feels hollow and isolating and burdensome you feel cut off from the
and burdensome you feel cut off from the
and burdensome you feel cut off from the world while simultaneously being a part
world while simultaneously being a part
world while simultaneously being a part of it and I mean sure no one’s forcing
of it and I mean sure no one’s forcing
of it and I mean sure no one’s forcing you to perform but not doing so can be
you to perform but not doing so can be
you to perform but not doing so can be risky you could lose your job be
risky you could lose your job be
risky you could lose your job be alienated from your friends and loved
alienated from your friends and loved
alienated from your friends and loved ones face violence or discrimination and
ones face violence or discrimination and
ones face violence or discrimination and frankly that’s not a risk many people
frankly that’s not a risk many people
frankly that’s not a risk many people are willing to take in fact many people
are willing to take in fact many people
are willing to take in fact many people hide all the way up until they can’t
hide all the way up until they can’t
hide all the way up until they can’t anymore
anymore
anymore once they’ve had a breakdown been
once they’ve had a breakdown been
once they’ve had a breakdown been hospitalized
hospitalized
hospitalized or even completed suicide for me this is
or even completed suicide for me this is
or even completed suicide for me this is a deeply personal struggle because I
a deeply personal struggle because I
a deeply personal struggle because I spent the majority of my life trying to
spent the majority of my life trying to
spent the majority of my life trying to hide the fact that I have a mental
hide the fact that I have a mental
hide the fact that I have a mental illness from an early age I learned the
illness from an early age I learned the
illness from an early age I learned the benefits of performing in order to
benefits of performing in order to
benefits of performing in order to appear in
appear in
appear in I had more educational opportunities I
I had more educational opportunities I
I had more educational opportunities I made more friends I didn’t have to worry
made more friends I didn’t have to worry
made more friends I didn’t have to worry about being discriminated against
about being discriminated against
about being discriminated against I thought the benefits outweighed the
I thought the benefits outweighed the
I thought the benefits outweighed the cons and that cons what those cons were
cons and that cons what those cons were
cons and that cons what those cons were that terrible feeling in my stomach when
that terrible feeling in my stomach when
that terrible feeling in my stomach when I knew that I was only being accepted
I knew that I was only being accepted
I knew that I was only being accepted because I was being someone I wasn’t
because I was being someone I wasn’t
because I was being someone I wasn’t that heavy burden knowing that I
that heavy burden knowing that I
that heavy burden knowing that I couldn’t be honest with my loved ones
couldn’t be honest with my loved ones
couldn’t be honest with my loved ones eventually
eventually
eventually the pressure got so intense that it
the pressure got so intense that it
the pressure got so intense that it started to seep into my life making me
started to seep into my life making me
started to seep into my life making me feel isolated depressed anxious I didn’t
feel isolated depressed anxious I didn’t
feel isolated depressed anxious I didn’t know what to do next but I wanted to try
know what to do next but I wanted to try
know what to do next but I wanted to try something different so I went on my
something different so I went on my
something different so I went on my Facebook and made a public post I live
Facebook and made a public post I live
Facebook and made a public post I live with a mental illness I lit it all out
with a mental illness I lit it all out
with a mental illness I lit it all out on the post and just posted it and ran
on the post and just posted it and ran
on the post and just posted it and ran away from the computer because I was
away from the computer because I was
away from the computer because I was afraid of what people would say but the
afraid of what people would say but the
afraid of what people would say but the response was overwhelmingly positive the
response was overwhelmingly positive the
response was overwhelmingly positive the thing that impacted me the most though
thing that impacted me the most though
thing that impacted me the most though were the private messages people
were the private messages people
were the private messages people reaching out to me and telling me that
reaching out to me and telling me that
reaching out to me and telling me that they felt similarly but for a number of
they felt similarly but for a number of
they felt similarly but for a number of reasons
reasons
reasons they couldn’t be open about it so I
they couldn’t be open about it so I
they couldn’t be open about it so I started thinking how can I take this
started thinking how can I take this
started thinking how can I take this amazing positive experience that I just
amazing positive experience that I just
amazing positive experience that I just had and bring it to those people who
had and bring it to those people who
had and bring it to those people who still have to perform I started thinking
still have to perform I started thinking
still have to perform I started thinking about the good and bad aspects of
about the good and bad aspects of
about the good and bad aspects of performance and it got me thinking about
performance and it got me thinking about
performance and it got me thinking about a couple questions instead of performing
a couple questions instead of performing
a couple questions instead of performing to appear normal
to appear normal
to appear normal can we ask others to perform to appear
can we ask others to perform to appear
can we ask others to perform to appear crazy
to understand the thoughts and
to understand the thoughts and experiences that we learn not to talk
experiences that we learn not to talk
experiences that we learn not to talk about to use performance to tell a story
about to use performance to tell a story
about to use performance to tell a story about mental illness rather than to hide
about mental illness rather than to hide
about mental illness rather than to hide from it I’m tired of sympathy I’m tired
from it I’m tired of sympathy I’m tired
from it I’m tired of sympathy I’m tired I’m tired of talking about the worst
I’m tired of talking about the worst
I’m tired of talking about the worst parts of me just to feel like people
parts of me just to feel like people
parts of me just to feel like people care I’m tired of being an inspiration
care I’m tired of being an inspiration
care I’m tired of being an inspiration I’m tired of being brave I want to be
I’m tired of being brave I want to be
I’m tired of being brave I want to be ordinary and small and still see you
ordinary and small and still see you
ordinary and small and still see you there next to me cheers because I will
there next to me cheers because I will
there next to me cheers because I will be a worthless parent can I do this
be a worthless parent can I do this
be a worthless parent can I do this cheers for micro and body and for my
cheers for micro and body and for my
cheers for micro and body and for my selfishness for crying about
selfishness for crying about
selfishness for crying about tears because this is hard and constant
tears because this is hard and constant
tears because this is hard and constant and lonely I don’t want this how much me
and lonely I don’t want this how much me
and lonely I don’t want this how much me is living right now and how much am i
is living right now and how much am i
is living right now and how much am i spending each and every day on cognitive
spending each and every day on cognitive
spending each and every day on cognitive maintenance I feel like an old beat-up
maintenance I feel like an old beat-up
maintenance I feel like an old beat-up car
car
car sledge hammer carnival so the
sledge hammer carnival so the
sledge hammer carnival so the performances you just heard are part of
performances you just heard are part of
performances you just heard are part of a series called anonymous open mic a
a series called anonymous open mic a
a series called anonymous open mic a project by my organization inside our
project by my organization inside our
project by my organization inside our minds so here’s how it works
minds so here’s how it works
minds so here’s how it works anonymous storytellers can submit a poem
anonymous storytellers can submit a poem
anonymous storytellers can submit a poem spoken word piece or short story about
spoken word piece or short story about
spoken word piece or short story about their experience with mental illness
their experience with mental illness
their experience with mental illness then community volunteers can sign up to
then community volunteers can sign up to
then community volunteers can sign up to perform the pieces live on behalf of the
perform the pieces live on behalf of the
perform the pieces live on behalf of the anonymous storytellers without knowing
anonymous storytellers without knowing
anonymous storytellers without knowing their identity the anonymous
their identity the anonymous
their identity the anonymous storytellers can impact the performance
storytellers can impact the performance
storytellers can impact the performance by providing context performance
by providing context performance
by providing context performance guidelines and trigger warnings while
guidelines and trigger warnings while
guidelines and trigger warnings while the performers interpret the piece and
the performers interpret the piece and
the performers interpret the piece and give it the respect it deserves every
give it the respect it deserves every
give it the respect it deserves every anonymous open-mike is free and open to
anonymous open-mike is free and open to
anonymous open-mike is free and open to the public including the anonymous
the public including the anonymous
the public including the anonymous storytellers who are invited to sit in
storytellers who are invited to sit in
storytellers who are invited to sit in the audience and watch their story come
the audience and watch their story come
the audience and watch their story come to life the aim of anonymous open mic is
to life the aim of anonymous open mic is
to life the aim of anonymous open mic is twofold
twofold
twofold one provide a platform for people to
one provide a platform for people to
one provide a platform for people to share their story about mental illness
share their story about mental illness
share their story about mental illness and to educate our community about
and to educate our community about
and to educate our community about mental illness through storytelling
mental illness through storytelling
mental illness through storytelling while we often focus the educational
while we often focus the educational
while we often focus the educational aspects on people without lived
aspects on people without lived
aspects on people without lived experience it’s important to build
experience it’s important to build
experience it’s important to build bridges among people with mental illness
bridges among people with mental illness
bridges among people with mental illness as well because of the huge diversity
as well because of the huge diversity
as well because of the huge diversity and diagnosis and lived experience there
and diagnosis and lived experience there
and diagnosis and lived experience there can be a lot of infighting polarization
can be a lot of infighting polarization
can be a lot of infighting polarization and even stigma within the mental
and even stigma within the mental
and even stigma within the mental illness community we can all benefit
illness community we can all benefit
illness community we can all benefit from learning about the experiences of
from learning about the experiences of
from learning about the experiences of others even those of us who think we
others even those of us who think we
others even those of us who think we already know it all as far as life with
already know it all as far as life with
already know it all as far as life with illness and when you’re performing these
illness and when you’re performing these
illness and when you’re performing these pieces you can help build a bridge over
pieces you can help build a bridge over
pieces you can help build a bridge over that sense of isolation that comes with
that sense of isolation that comes with
that sense of isolation that comes with hiding so for an example at our first
hiding so for an example at our first
hiding so for an example at our first Anonymous open mic a performer gave a
Anonymous open mic a performer gave a
Anonymous open mic a performer gave a thought provoking an emotional
thought provoking an emotional
thought provoking an emotional performance of a poem about bipolar
performance of a poem about bipolar
performance of a poem about bipolar disorder on the stage the anonymous
disorder on the stage the anonymous
disorder on the stage the anonymous storyteller who was in the audience felt
storyteller who was in the audience felt
storyteller who was in the audience felt compelled to approach him afterwards and
compelled to approach him afterwards and
compelled to approach him afterwards and tell him how beautifully he performed
tell him how beautifully he performed
tell him how beautifully he performed that person’s story they had this
that person’s story they had this
that person’s story they had this natural connection almost like a shared
natural connection almost like a shared
natural connection almost like a shared experience except instead of a shared
experience except instead of a shared
experience except instead of a shared experience it was a blending of lived
experience it was a blending of lived
experience it was a blending of lived experience and empathic performance lost
experience and empathic performance lost
experience and empathic performance lost my place I got my notes secretly in here
[Music]
[Music] yeah this is an emotional topic for me
yeah this is an emotional topic for me
yeah this is an emotional topic for me but yeah I got it back now so by
but yeah I got it back now so by
but yeah I got it back now so by witnessing connections like these I’ve
witnessing connections like these I’ve
witnessing connections like these I’ve learned that while you can’t fully
learned that while you can’t fully
learned that while you can’t fully replicate someone’s life through such a
replicate someone’s life through such a
replicate someone’s life through such a small snapshot you can increase your
small snapshot you can increase your
small snapshot you can increase your empathy for that person as researcher
empathy for that person as researcher
empathy for that person as researcher storyteller and famous TEDx or brené
storyteller and famous TEDx or brené
storyteller and famous TEDx or brené Brown said empathy is feeling with
Brown said empathy is feeling with
Brown said empathy is feeling with people in what better way to feel with
people in what better way to feel with
people in what better way to feel with people than to bring their story to life
people than to bring their story to life
people than to bring their story to life I honestly can’t think of a better one
I honestly can’t think of a better one
I honestly can’t think of a better one and that’s why I started Anonymous open
and that’s why I started Anonymous open
and that’s why I started Anonymous open mic you can perform someone’s story and
mic you can perform someone’s story and
mic you can perform someone’s story and give it life and maybe even learn
give it life and maybe even learn
give it life and maybe even learn something in the process so why are
something in the process so why are
something in the process so why are events like anonymous open mic so
events like anonymous open mic so
events like anonymous open mic so important because speaking publicly like
important because speaking publicly like
important because speaking publicly like I’m doing now is a privilege that many
I’m doing now is a privilege that many
I’m doing now is a privilege that many people still do not have there’s no
people still do not have there’s no
people still do not have there’s no shame in not being able to share your
shame in not being able to share your
shame in not being able to share your story for any number of reasons whether
story for any number of reasons whether
story for any number of reasons whether it be stigma discrimination and we want
it be stigma discrimination and we want
it be stigma discrimination and we want to have a platform for these people that
to have a platform for these people that
to have a platform for these people that really want to share this story and have
really want to share this story and have
really want to share this story and have that connection but maybe for a number
that connection but maybe for a number
that connection but maybe for a number of reasons can’t do so anonymous sharing
of reasons can’t do so anonymous sharing
of reasons can’t do so anonymous sharing can be the first step in the process or
can be the first step in the process or
can be the first step in the process or the ultimate goal for some and Wow a
the ultimate goal for some and Wow a
the ultimate goal for some and Wow a world without performance is our
world without performance is our
world without performance is our ultimate goal a future without stigma
ultimate goal a future without stigma
ultimate goal a future without stigma discrimination and ableism is still a
discrimination and ableism is still a
discrimination and ableism is still a long way off but in the meantime
long way off but in the meantime
long way off but in the meantime anonymous open mic and other events like
anonymous open mic and other events like
anonymous open mic and other events like it can provide a space for people to
it can provide a space for people to
it can provide a space for people to share their story however they’re
share their story however they’re
share their story however they’re comfortable and able whether anonymously
comfortable and able whether anonymously
comfortable and able whether anonymously or not so final takeaways question
or not so final takeaways question
or not so final takeaways question constantly what you know and understand
constantly what you know and understand
constantly what you know and understand about mental illness instead of passing
about mental illness instead of passing
about mental illness instead of passing judgment try and feel with people try
judgment try and feel with people try
judgment try and feel with people try and experience what they’re going
and experience what they’re going
and experience what they’re going through we’re not crazy for having
through we’re not crazy for having
through we’re not crazy for having mental illness the only thing that’s
mental illness the only thing that’s
mental illness the only thing that’s crazy is having to hide it thank you
crazy is having to hide it thank you
crazy is having to hide it thank you [Applause]
”
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