[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] have you ever really wanted to do
have you ever really wanted to do
have you ever really wanted to do something but every time you even
something but every time you even
something but every time you even thought about doing it you just got
thought about doing it you just got
thought about doing it you just got stuck most people will give up on their
stuck most people will give up on their
stuck most people will give up on their dreams before they even try and it’s not
dreams before they even try and it’s not
dreams before they even try and it’s not because we’re lazy or uncapable it’s
because we’re lazy or uncapable it’s
because we’re lazy or uncapable it’s because we’ve got ghosts in our way now
because we’ve got ghosts in our way now
because we’ve got ghosts in our way now I call them ghosts because they’re
I call them ghosts because they’re
I call them ghosts because they’re terrifying whether they’re real or just
terrifying whether they’re real or just
terrifying whether they’re real or just imagined and this is a ghost story the
imagined and this is a ghost story the
imagined and this is a ghost story the first time I met a ghost it was a Sunday
first time I met a ghost it was a Sunday
first time I met a ghost it was a Sunday I was six years old I just walked into
I was six years old I just walked into
I was six years old I just walked into the dining room where I was met by the
the dining room where I was met by the
the dining room where I was met by the lingering scent of lemon pledge
lingering scent of lemon pledge
lingering scent of lemon pledge from my mum polishing that old oak table
from my mum polishing that old oak table
from my mum polishing that old oak table like she did every Sunday my family had
like she did every Sunday my family had
like she did every Sunday my family had just taken their seats around that table
just taken their seats around that table
just taken their seats around that table for dinner I’m feeling proud with
for dinner I’m feeling proud with
for dinner I’m feeling proud with accomplishment I handed my dad a little
accomplishment I handed my dad a little
accomplishment I handed my dad a little three-page book I just finished writing
three-page book I just finished writing
three-page book I just finished writing about living with elephants in Africa
about living with elephants in Africa
about living with elephants in Africa and that’s because I wasn’t interested
and that’s because I wasn’t interested
and that’s because I wasn’t interested in princess stories or Barbie dolls
in princess stories or Barbie dolls
in princess stories or Barbie dolls I was always either daydreaming within
I was always either daydreaming within
I was always either daydreaming within the pages of a National Geographic
the pages of a National Geographic
the pages of a National Geographic magazine or trying to scribble out
magazine or trying to scribble out
magazine or trying to scribble out little stories and my dad held that book
little stories and my dad held that book
little stories and my dad held that book up and began to read it aloud only soon
up and began to read it aloud only soon
up and began to read it aloud only soon he couldn’t read anymore because he was
he couldn’t read anymore because he was
he couldn’t read anymore because he was laughing so hard and so was everybody
laughing so hard and so was everybody
laughing so hard and so was everybody else at that table now the only problem
else at that table now the only problem
else at that table now the only problem was I hadn’t written a comedy
now of course they’re just laughing
now of course they’re just laughing because they thought it was cute but how
because they thought it was cute but how
because they thought it was cute but how could I possibly know that I was only
could I possibly know that I was only
could I possibly know that I was only six and instead that’s when I met the
six and instead that’s when I met the
six and instead that’s when I met the ghost of humiliation my face burned red
ghost of humiliation my face burned red
ghost of humiliation my face burned red even my ears were burning and my chest
even my ears were burning and my chest
even my ears were burning and my chest was so tight I couldn’t breathe and I
was so tight I couldn’t breathe and I
was so tight I couldn’t breathe and I literally hid under that dining room
literally hid under that dining room
literally hid under that dining room table terrified and I swore that I would
table terrified and I swore that I would
table terrified and I swore that I would never feel that humiliation again
never feel that humiliation again
never feel that humiliation again because I would never put myself out
because I would never put myself out
because I would never put myself out there like that again and every time I
there like that again and every time I
there like that again and every time I even thought about writing stories after
even thought about writing stories after
even thought about writing stories after that day that ghost would appear and I
that day that ghost would appear and I
that day that ghost would appear and I just give up how do you have a ghost
just give up how do you have a ghost
just give up how do you have a ghost like that or are you haunted by the
like that or are you haunted by the
like that or are you haunted by the ghost of rejection because somebody
ghost of rejection because somebody
ghost of rejection because somebody broke your heart
broke your heart
broke your heart we’re failure when you didn’t make the
we’re failure when you didn’t make the
we’re failure when you didn’t make the cut or even success because our ghosts
cut or even success because our ghosts
cut or even success because our ghosts aren’t always logical but they always
aren’t always logical but they always
aren’t always logical but they always hold us back no I thought that ghost was
hold us back no I thought that ghost was
hold us back no I thought that ghost was just a distant memory when 25 years
just a distant memory when 25 years
just a distant memory when 25 years later I went to volunteer in South
later I went to volunteer in South
later I went to volunteer in South Africa with lions and elephants and all
Africa with lions and elephants and all
Africa with lions and elephants and all those magical animals I was still
those magical animals I was still
those magical animals I was still dreaming about I arrived met my boss a
dreaming about I arrived met my boss a
dreaming about I arrived met my boss a khaki clad burly young South African
khaki clad burly young South African
khaki clad burly young South African Ranger named Gary yeah
he took one look at me and said let me
he took one look at me and said let me guess you’re here because you dreamed of
guess you’re here because you dreamed of
guess you’re here because you dreamed of Africa why as a matter of fact my whole
Africa why as a matter of fact my whole
Africa why as a matter of fact my whole life mm-hmm well you better wake up
life mm-hmm well you better wake up
life mm-hmm well you better wake up Canada otherwise that dream is going to
Canada otherwise that dream is going to
Canada otherwise that dream is going to become a nightmare this is a working
become a nightmare this is a working
become a nightmare this is a working game Reserve and these are wild animals
okay now you’ll be sleeping alone over
okay now you’ll be sleeping alone over there and that tent that electrical wire
there and that tent that electrical wire
there and that tent that electrical wire mostly keeps the animals out okay and
mostly keeps the animals out okay and
mostly keeps the animals out okay and there’s one more thing
there’s one more thing
there’s one more thing Canada out here you’re going to have to
Canada out here you’re going to have to
Canada out here you’re going to have to learn to play with alliance testicles
learn to play with alliance testicles
learn to play with alliance testicles what
what
what that wasn’t in the brochure and even if
that wasn’t in the brochure and even if
that wasn’t in the brochure and even if it was I’m not gonna do that
relax
relax Canada it’s a local expression it means
Canada it’s a local expression it means
Canada it’s a local expression it means you’re going to have to have the courage
you’re going to have to have the courage
you’re going to have to have the courage to have the courage and be a lion now
to have the courage and be a lion now
to have the courage and be a lion now admittedly most of the time I felt more
admittedly most of the time I felt more
admittedly most of the time I felt more like a chicken yeah especially at night
like a chicken yeah especially at night
like a chicken yeah especially at night alone in the darkness of that tent with
alone in the darkness of that tent with
alone in the darkness of that tent with the sound of lions roaring in the
the sound of lions roaring in the
the sound of lions roaring in the distance and daytime wasn’t much better
distance and daytime wasn’t much better
distance and daytime wasn’t much better I couldn’t even find the lion’s
I couldn’t even find the lion’s
I couldn’t even find the lion’s testicles let alone play with them but
testicles let alone play with them but
testicles let alone play with them but there is this one day ranger gary and i
there is this one day ranger gary and i
there is this one day ranger gary and i wrote in the jeep tracking this cheetah
wrote in the jeep tracking this cheetah
wrote in the jeep tracking this cheetah now despite being able hunters and
now despite being able hunters and
now despite being able hunters and ferocious predators the cheetah on this
ferocious predators the cheetah on this
ferocious predators the cheetah on this reserve requires supplementation so
reserve requires supplementation so
reserve requires supplementation so we’ve got this huge cow’s lake in the
we’ve got this huge cow’s lake in the
we’ve got this huge cow’s lake in the back of a jeep that we’ve pumped full of
back of a jeep that we’ve pumped full of
back of a jeep that we’ve pumped full of calcium the Ranger Gary is driving and
calcium the Ranger Gary is driving and
calcium the Ranger Gary is driving and he says her name is inyanga she’s a
he says her name is inyanga she’s a
he says her name is inyanga she’s a ferocious predator that cat will try to
ferocious predator that cat will try to
ferocious predator that cat will try to kill anything zebra wildebeest
kill anything zebra wildebeest
kill anything zebra wildebeest nothing’s too big for her now about
nothing’s too big for her now about
nothing’s too big for her now about three hours later we found her and Gary
three hours later we found her and Gary
three hours later we found her and Gary parked the Jeep about a hundred feet
parked the Jeep about a hundred feet
parked the Jeep about a hundred feet away and then he said drag that meat Oh
away and then he said drag that meat Oh
away and then he said drag that meat Oh hurry back to the Jeep
me are you a lion or a chicken Canada so
me are you a lion or a chicken Canada so I climbed down from the Jeep tiptoed
I climbed down from the Jeep tiptoed
I climbed down from the Jeep tiptoed around to the back opened it up grabbed
around to the back opened it up grabbed
around to the back opened it up grabbed hold of the slimy blood-soaked cow’s leg
hold of the slimy blood-soaked cow’s leg
hold of the slimy blood-soaked cow’s leg and the things got to wait 50 60 pounds
and the things got to wait 50 60 pounds
and the things got to wait 50 60 pounds and then as I’m dragging it that’s when
and then as I’m dragging it that’s when
and then as I’m dragging it that’s when I see her and you know that cat really
I see her and you know that cat really
I see her and you know that cat really is fearless cuz she’s already prowling
is fearless cuz she’s already prowling
is fearless cuz she’s already prowling towards me and I just mesmerized by her
towards me and I just mesmerized by her
towards me and I just mesmerized by her blazing orange eyes her black and gold’s
blazing orange eyes her black and gold’s
blazing orange eyes her black and gold’s beckel code and then a fleeting vibe
beckel code and then a fleeting vibe
beckel code and then a fleeting vibe what am i doing I can’t do this but then
what am i doing I can’t do this but then
what am i doing I can’t do this but then I suddenly realized that’s not me saying
I suddenly realized that’s not me saying
I suddenly realized that’s not me saying I can’t do this that’s that ghost that
I can’t do this that’s that ghost that
I can’t do this that’s that ghost that ghost I think I’ve avoided for 25 years
ghost I think I’ve avoided for 25 years
ghost I think I’ve avoided for 25 years has had me in shackles that I didn’t
has had me in shackles that I didn’t
has had me in shackles that I didn’t even realize it every time I said people
even realize it every time I said people
even realize it every time I said people like me can’t do things like that or I’m
like me can’t do things like that or I’m
like me can’t do things like that or I’m not going to put myself out there in
not going to put myself out there in
not going to put myself out there in case I get laughed at or judged all
case I get laughed at or judged all
case I get laughed at or judged all those times I didn’t show up for my life
those times I didn’t show up for my life
those times I didn’t show up for my life because of that ghost that ghost is now
because of that ghost that ghost is now
because of that ghost that ghost is now screaming at me to get back in the Jeep
screaming at me to get back in the Jeep
screaming at me to get back in the Jeep but I’m not going to get in the Jeep
but I’m not going to get in the Jeep
but I’m not going to get in the Jeep because I decide right then and there
because I decide right then and there
because I decide right then and there I’d rather die a lion then live another
I’d rather die a lion then live another
I’d rather die a lion then live another second as a chicken under that Ghost
second as a chicken under that Ghost
second as a chicken under that Ghost I stood as tall as I could and my
I stood as tall as I could and my
I stood as tall as I could and my heart’s beating so hard is jumping out
heart’s beating so hard is jumping out
heart’s beating so hard is jumping out of my chest and that cheetah stops just
of my chest and that cheetah stops just
of my chest and that cheetah stops just a few feet in front of me now her eyes
a few feet in front of me now her eyes
a few feet in front of me now her eyes are slits of fire and she peels back her
are slits of fire and she peels back her
are slits of fire and she peels back her lip revealing every one of her ferocious
lip revealing every one of her ferocious
lip revealing every one of her ferocious fangs
fangs
fangs but I don’t see a cheetah all I see is
but I don’t see a cheetah all I see is
but I don’t see a cheetah all I see is that ghost and I said come play with my
that ghost and I said come play with my
that ghost and I said come play with my lion’s testicles if you dare not cheetah
lion’s testicles if you dare not cheetah
lion’s testicles if you dare not cheetah lunged at me and I just tipped that leg
lunged at me and I just tipped that leg
lunged at me and I just tipped that leg forward and in a flash you ripped it out
forward and in a flash you ripped it out
forward and in a flash you ripped it out of my hands and disappeared I climbed
of my hands and disappeared I climbed
of my hands and disappeared I climbed back up into that Jeep changed forever I
back up into that Jeep changed forever I
back up into that Jeep changed forever I don’t know if Canadians are crazy or
don’t know if Canadians are crazy or
don’t know if Canadians are crazy or what you are supposed to stay out there
what you are supposed to stay out there
what you are supposed to stay out there you’re lucky that cheetah didn’t have
you’re lucky that cheetah didn’t have
you’re lucky that cheetah didn’t have you for lunch
chicken dies a thousand deaths carry a
chicken dies a thousand deaths carry a lion dies by once but at least he dies
lion dies by once but at least he dies
lion dies by once but at least he dies on lion
now I’m certainly not suggesting that
now I’m certainly not suggesting that anyone go have a standoff with a wild
anyone go have a standoff with a wild
anyone go have a standoff with a wild animal but what I am saying is that your
animal but what I am saying is that your
animal but what I am saying is that your ghost may be making more of your
ghost may be making more of your
ghost may be making more of your decisions for you that you even realize
decisions for you that you even realize
decisions for you that you even realize and sometimes the only way we can begin
and sometimes the only way we can begin
and sometimes the only way we can begin to break free from our ghosts no matter
to break free from our ghosts no matter
to break free from our ghosts no matter how terrifying it may be is to look them
how terrifying it may be is to look them
how terrifying it may be is to look them in the eyes and have the courage to have
in the eyes and have the courage to have
in the eyes and have the courage to have the courage but sometimes even that’s
the courage but sometimes even that’s
the courage but sometimes even that’s not enough now later that night in that
not enough now later that night in that
not enough now later that night in that tent by the glow of a dim camp light and
tent by the glow of a dim camp light and
tent by the glow of a dim camp light and with the thunderous roar of lions in the
with the thunderous roar of lions in the
with the thunderous roar of lions in the distance I picked up that little book I
distance I picked up that little book I
distance I picked up that little book I left on that dining room table 25 years
left on that dining room table 25 years
left on that dining room table 25 years earlier and I began to write and sure
earlier and I began to write and sure
earlier and I began to write and sure enough that ghost appeared telling me
enough that ghost appeared telling me
enough that ghost appeared telling me all the reasons I couldn’t do it and it
all the reasons I couldn’t do it and it
all the reasons I couldn’t do it and it was more ferocious than that gia as I’m
was more ferocious than that gia as I’m
was more ferocious than that gia as I’m sure your ghosts are but I just
sure your ghosts are but I just
sure your ghosts are but I just remembered those words have the courage
remembered those words have the courage
remembered those words have the courage to have the courage and I kept writing
to have the courage and I kept writing
to have the courage and I kept writing because I’m working through that
because I’m working through that
because I’m working through that resistance we build up resilience to our
resistance we build up resilience to our
resistance we build up resilience to our ghosts and I went back to Canada and I
ghosts and I went back to Canada and I
ghosts and I went back to Canada and I kept writing until six months later I
kept writing until six months later I
kept writing until six months later I finished the book that took me 26 years
finished the book that took me 26 years
finished the book that took me 26 years to write
and I called it learning to play with
and I called it learning to play with Alliance testicles now all I did was
Alliance testicles now all I did was
Alliance testicles now all I did was write a book but what would you do if
write a book but what would you do if
write a book but what would you do if you have the courage to have the courage
you have the courage to have the courage
you have the courage to have the courage if you haven’t done it yet is there a
if you haven’t done it yet is there a
if you haven’t done it yet is there a calling in you that is just begging to
calling in you that is just begging to
calling in you that is just begging to be answered and when you did you might
be answered and when you did you might
be answered and when you did you might think that you are finally free from
think that you are finally free from
think that you are finally free from your ghost too but you see every ghost
your ghost too but you see every ghost
your ghost too but you see every ghost story has a sequel including this one
now that little book went on to be
now that little book went on to be published and a few months later I woke
published and a few months later I woke
published and a few months later I woke up early one morning and still in bed I
up early one morning and still in bed I
up early one morning and still in bed I checked my email what my book was on The
checked my email what my book was on The
checked my email what my book was on The Late Night with Jimmy Fallon show last
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon show last
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon show last night of Jimmy Fallon this is amazing
night of Jimmy Fallon this is amazing
night of Jimmy Fallon this is amazing I clicked on the video and began to
I clicked on the video and began to
I clicked on the video and began to watch and it starts off with this little
watch and it starts off with this little
watch and it starts off with this little jingle do not waste your money on these
jingle do not waste your money on these
jingle do not waste your money on these books
books
books [Music]
[Music]
[Music] it’s Jimmy Fallon’s top ten
it’s Jimmy Fallon’s top ten
it’s Jimmy Fallon’s top ten do not read list and I never knew there
do not read list and I never knew there
do not read list and I never knew there was such a list he holds up book number
was such a list he holds up book number
was such a list he holds up book number 10 and the whole audience laughs
10 and the whole audience laughs
10 and the whole audience laughs hysterically 9 8 7 my face is getting
hysterically 9 8 7 my face is getting
hysterically 9 8 7 my face is getting redder and redder even my ears are
redder and redder even my ears are
redder and redder even my ears are burning
burning
burning 6 5 4 my chest is tighter and tighter
6 5 4 my chest is tighter and tighter
6 5 4 my chest is tighter and tighter and it’s getting harder and harder to
and it’s getting harder and harder to
and it’s getting harder and harder to catch my breath
number three I’m just holding my breath
number three I’m just holding my breath because I don’t know about you but I’ve
because I don’t know about you but I’ve
because I don’t know about you but I’ve never been number one at anything in my
never been number one at anything in my
never been number one at anything in my life and this is the one time
but when he holds up the number one book
but when he holds up the number one book on his do not read list
on his do not read list
on his do not read list it’s my little book about living with
it’s my little book about living with
it’s my little book about living with elephants in Africa now I know logically
elephants in Africa now I know logically
elephants in Africa now I know logically he’s just making fun of the title but
he’s just making fun of the title but
he’s just making fun of the title but remember I said our ghosts aren’t always
remember I said our ghosts aren’t always
remember I said our ghosts aren’t always logical and mines got me pinned down now
logical and mines got me pinned down now
logical and mines got me pinned down now trying to get those shackles back on me
trying to get those shackles back on me
trying to get those shackles back on me and I’d literally hid under those
and I’d literally hid under those
and I’d literally hid under those blankets because I had never felt more
blankets because I had never felt more
blankets because I had never felt more humiliated and stupid and small in my
humiliated and stupid and small in my
humiliated and stupid and small in my life after all I knew this when I was
life after all I knew this when I was
life after all I knew this when I was six but then a few minutes later I heard
six but then a few minutes later I heard
six but then a few minutes later I heard this little voice that said you’re gonna
this little voice that said you’re gonna
this little voice that said you’re gonna have to have the courage to have the
have to have the courage to have the
have to have the courage to have the courage and I said yeah I’m not gonna
courage and I said yeah I’m not gonna
courage and I said yeah I’m not gonna hide this isn’t a bad thing this is just
hide this isn’t a bad thing this is just
hide this isn’t a bad thing this is just a reminder that already had the courage
a reminder that already had the courage
a reminder that already had the courage to have the courage otherwise I wouldn’t
to have the courage otherwise I wouldn’t
to have the courage otherwise I wouldn’t have a book to appear on this list in
have a book to appear on this list in
have a book to appear on this list in the first place I come to think of it
the first place I come to think of it
the first place I come to think of it it’s an honor to see Jimmy Fallon up
it’s an honor to see Jimmy Fallon up
it’s an honor to see Jimmy Fallon up there playing with my Lions testicles
there playing with my Lions testicles
there playing with my Lions testicles book
so I went on social media right then and
so I went on social media right then and there and I said thank you Jimmy Fallon
there and I said thank you Jimmy Fallon
there and I said thank you Jimmy Fallon for buying my book after all the sales a
for buying my book after all the sales a
for buying my book after all the sales a sale and thank you for at least making
sale and thank you for at least making
sale and thank you for at least making it number one on your list and when I
it number one on your list and when I
it number one on your list and when I did that I heard those shackles fall to
did that I heard those shackles fall to
did that I heard those shackles fall to the floor and that’s because our ghosts
the floor and that’s because our ghosts
the floor and that’s because our ghosts would have us believe that victory
would have us believe that victory
would have us believe that victory hinges on outcome but that’s just
hinges on outcome but that’s just
hinges on outcome but that’s just another way that our ghosts keep us and
another way that our ghosts keep us and
another way that our ghosts keep us and chained and another reason why most of
chained and another reason why most of
chained and another reason why most of us will give up on our dreams before we
us will give up on our dreams before we
us will give up on our dreams before we even try now I know your ghosts are
even try now I know your ghosts are
even try now I know your ghosts are terrifying mine’s been over here this
terrifying mine’s been over here this
terrifying mine’s been over here this whole time but there’s nothing more
whole time but there’s nothing more
whole time but there’s nothing more terrifying than our ghosts than not
terrifying than our ghosts than not
terrifying than our ghosts than not trying now if this story has stirred up
trying now if this story has stirred up
trying now if this story has stirred up some ghost within you know that you can
some ghost within you know that you can
some ghost within you know that you can be a Ghostbuster because your dreams
be a Ghostbuster because your dreams
be a Ghostbuster because your dreams your desires and your passions that
your desires and your passions that
your desires and your passions that speak to your heart and sing to your
speak to your heart and sing to your
speak to your heart and sing to your soul are not small and neither are you
soul are not small and neither are you
soul are not small and neither are you you are worse than going to battle for
you are worse than going to battle for
you are worse than going to battle for with your ghosts because victory comes
with your ghosts because victory comes
with your ghosts because victory comes the moment that you have the courage to
the moment that you have the courage to
the moment that you have the courage to have the courage so the next time that
have the courage so the next time that
have the courage so the next time that your ghosts make you want to give up and
your ghosts make you want to give up and
your ghosts make you want to give up and scream you’ll stand up and roar instead
scream you’ll stand up and roar instead
scream you’ll stand up and roar instead have the courage to have a page
have the courage to have a page
have the courage to have a page [Applause]
[Applause]
”
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