the mundane things in life that normal people take for granted
people take for granted
people take for granted I cannot take for granted for example I
I cannot take for granted for example I
I cannot take for granted for example I am very terrified of elevators and
am very terrified of elevators and
am very terrified of elevators and normal people you know the ones who
normal people you know the ones who
normal people you know the ones who don’t have him until on this wouldn’t
don’t have him until on this wouldn’t
don’t have him until on this wouldn’t give that a second thought right but me
give that a second thought right but me
give that a second thought right but me I have to navigate my whole day around
I have to navigate my whole day around
I have to navigate my whole day around that so if I do have to take an elevator
that so if I do have to take an elevator
that so if I do have to take an elevator I either have to prepare to have an
I either have to prepare to have an
I either have to prepare to have an anxiety attack in front of strangers or
anxiety attack in front of strangers or
anxiety attack in front of strangers or be able to handle the physical symptoms
be able to handle the physical symptoms
be able to handle the physical symptoms that come along with my anxiety attacks
that come along with my anxiety attacks
that come along with my anxiety attacks such as shaking hands shortness of
such as shaking hands shortness of
such as shaking hands shortness of breath
breath
breath my stomach gets really tight and my
my stomach gets really tight and my
my stomach gets really tight and my thoughts become extremely irrational and
thoughts become extremely irrational and
thoughts become extremely irrational and I can’t think properly so I have to
I can’t think properly so I have to
I can’t think properly so I have to navigate my life as much as possible
navigate my life as much as possible
navigate my life as much as possible while dealing with the things that give
while dealing with the things that give
while dealing with the things that give me extreme anxiety if I could I would
me extreme anxiety if I could I would
me extreme anxiety if I could I would avoid elevators and take the stairs it’s
avoid elevators and take the stairs it’s
avoid elevators and take the stairs it’s I’m not trying to lose weight I’m trying
I’m not trying to lose weight I’m trying
I’m not trying to lose weight I’m trying to avoid something that will give me
to avoid something that will give me
to avoid something that will give me extreme anxiety I’ve had anxiety for all
extreme anxiety I’ve had anxiety for all
extreme anxiety I’ve had anxiety for all my life I don’t remember a time period
my life I don’t remember a time period
my life I don’t remember a time period without it but growing up in my teenage
without it but growing up in my teenage
without it but growing up in my teenage years my anxiety was so bad I had a lot
years my anxiety was so bad I had a lot
years my anxiety was so bad I had a lot of insomnia my irrational fears really
of insomnia my irrational fears really
of insomnia my irrational fears really made it difficult for me to you know
made it difficult for me to you know
made it difficult for me to you know live a normal life but what I tried to
live a normal life but what I tried to
live a normal life but what I tried to do was I tried to keep my mind active
do was I tried to keep my mind active
do was I tried to keep my mind active and busy so I wouldn’t think about
and busy so I wouldn’t think about
and busy so I wouldn’t think about having a mental illness and in high
having a mental illness and in high
having a mental illness and in high school I joined sports I played an
school I joined sports I played an
school I joined sports I played an instrument called the oboe which if you
instrument called the oboe which if you
instrument called the oboe which if you play it the wrong way it sounds like a
play it the wrong way it sounds like a
play it the wrong way it sounds like a dying duck and I was in a lot of active
dying duck and I was in a lot of active
dying duck and I was in a lot of active school activities and I even had a lot
school activities and I even had a lot
school activities and I even had a lot of boyfriends so it definitely looked
of boyfriends so it definitely looked
of boyfriends so it definitely looked like on the outside that I was a normal
like on the outside that I was a normal
like on the outside that I was a normal teenager but in
teenager but in
teenager but in when I would come back home or even have
when I would come back home or even have
when I would come back home or even have a moment to myself
a moment to myself
a moment to myself Mike’s anxious thoughts my irrational
Mike’s anxious thoughts my irrational
Mike’s anxious thoughts my irrational fears would come back and remind me that
fears would come back and remind me that
fears would come back and remind me that I wasn’t a normal teenager and of course
I wasn’t a normal teenager and of course
I wasn’t a normal teenager and of course you know no one really knew what I had I
you know no one really knew what I had I
you know no one really knew what I had I didn’t even know what I was going
didn’t even know what I was going
didn’t even know what I was going through nor did my family and it was
through nor did my family and it was
through nor did my family and it was basically basically put aside as just
basically basically put aside as just
basically basically put aside as just teenage hormones so of course you know
teenage hormones so of course you know
teenage hormones so of course you know being a teenager as bad as it is but you
being a teenager as bad as it is but you
being a teenager as bad as it is but you know also dealing with my mental illness
know also dealing with my mental illness
know also dealing with my mental illness and having it having my mental illness
and having it having my mental illness
and having it having my mental illness piece because I was a teenager really
piece because I was a teenager really
piece because I was a teenager really you know affected me greatly I started
you know affected me greatly I started
you know affected me greatly I started to sell flows who I was because I
to sell flows who I was because I
to sell flows who I was because I couldn’t understand my mind I didn’t
couldn’t understand my mind I didn’t
couldn’t understand my mind I didn’t understand the way it was working and
understand the way it was working and
understand the way it was working and why I was so afraid of things that I
why I was so afraid of things that I
why I was so afraid of things that I knew was ridiculous would be afraid of
knew was ridiculous would be afraid of
knew was ridiculous would be afraid of but I was and I started to hate people I
but I was and I started to hate people I
but I was and I started to hate people I really did I hated myself I hated
really did I hated myself I hated
really did I hated myself I hated looking at people who were happy and I
looking at people who were happy and I
looking at people who were happy and I really just wanted to be a normal
really just wanted to be a normal
really just wanted to be a normal teenager so one day I just wrote in my
teenager so one day I just wrote in my
teenager so one day I just wrote in my symptoms on the internet and I found
symptoms on the internet and I found
symptoms on the internet and I found many articles on anxiety disorders and I
many articles on anxiety disorders and I
many articles on anxiety disorders and I found comfort and the courage to go see
found comfort and the courage to go see
found comfort and the courage to go see a doctor at the age of 18 I was
a doctor at the age of 18 I was
a doctor at the age of 18 I was clinically diagnosed with generalized
clinically diagnosed with generalized
clinically diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and I thought that was
anxiety disorder and I thought that was
anxiety disorder and I thought that was it I thought I was going to be healed
it I thought I was going to be healed
it I thought I was going to be healed and I would be a normal human being for
and I would be a normal human being for
and I would be a normal human being for a while during college I definitely you
a while during college I definitely you
a while during college I definitely you know lived normally and I thought my
know lived normally and I thought my
know lived normally and I thought my anxiety was gone but when I graduated
anxiety was gone but when I graduated
anxiety was gone but when I graduated from college I found myself in a lot of
from college I found myself in a lot of
from college I found myself in a lot of debt and unemployed and it definitely
debt and unemployed and it definitely
debt and unemployed and it definitely brought a lot of that negative emotions
brought a lot of that negative emotions
brought a lot of that negative emotions back for me it made me extremely afraid
back for me it made me extremely afraid
back for me it made me extremely afraid to leave the house it made me look in
to leave the house it made me look in
to leave the house it made me look in the mirror and not see who I was and
the mirror and not see who I was and
the mirror and not see who I was and hate who I was and yeah it just it was
hate who I was and yeah it just it was
hate who I was and yeah it just it was really difficult for me so I found
really difficult for me so I found
really difficult for me so I found 9:00 at 3:00 a.m. I was laying on the
9:00 at 3:00 a.m. I was laying on the
9:00 at 3:00 a.m. I was laying on the floor looking at the ceiling wondering
floor looking at the ceiling wondering
floor looking at the ceiling wondering why I couldn’t fit in to this world why
why I couldn’t fit in to this world why
why I couldn’t fit in to this world why was this world so cruel to me because I
was this world so cruel to me because I
was this world so cruel to me because I was so vulnerable and so different and I
was so vulnerable and so different and I
was so vulnerable and so different and I realized that the only way I was going
realized that the only way I was going
realized that the only way I was going to change was if I looked at myself
to change was if I looked at myself
to change was if I looked at myself differently if I talked to myself better
differently if I talked to myself better
differently if I talked to myself better rather than hating who I was I wanted to
rather than hating who I was I wanted to
rather than hating who I was I wanted to change the way I viewed myself and I
change the way I viewed myself and I
change the way I viewed myself and I created an Instagram blog Instagram
created an Instagram blog Instagram
created an Instagram blog Instagram account and a blog where I would record
account and a blog where I would record
account and a blog where I would record my everyday life with living with a
my everyday life with living with a
my everyday life with living with a mental illness and I love photography
mental illness and I love photography
mental illness and I love photography and fashion so I connected fashion and
and fashion so I connected fashion and
and fashion so I connected fashion and photography with mental health awareness
photography with mental health awareness
photography with mental health awareness and rather than talking about the
and rather than talking about the
and rather than talking about the clothes that I was wearing on my
clothes that I was wearing on my
clothes that I was wearing on my Instagram accounts because most of the
Instagram accounts because most of the
Instagram accounts because most of the time I was wearing forever 21 anyway I
time I was wearing forever 21 anyway I
time I was wearing forever 21 anyway I talked about my mental health and I was
talked about my mental health and I was
talked about my mental health and I was extremely vulnerable and honest about
extremely vulnerable and honest about
extremely vulnerable and honest about everything that I was going through with
everything that I was going through with
everything that I was going through with living with a mental illness
living with a mental illness
living with a mental illness and because of that I found a community
and because of that I found a community
and because of that I found a community of people who were just like me who also
of people who were just like me who also
of people who were just like me who also felt like they didn’t fit in and with
felt like they didn’t fit in and with
felt like they didn’t fit in and with the world who stigmatized us and because
the world who stigmatized us and because
the world who stigmatized us and because of the community I’m actually up here
of the community I’m actually up here
of the community I’m actually up here today I’m really scared but I’m doing
today I’m really scared but I’m doing
today I’m really scared but I’m doing this because of those people our society
this because of those people our society
this because of those people our society is we don’t have any good representation
is we don’t have any good representation
is we don’t have any good representation in the media if you think of anybody
in the media if you think of anybody
in the media if you think of anybody with a mental illness all you can
with a mental illness all you can
with a mental illness all you can visualize or at least I can as someone
visualize or at least I can as someone
visualize or at least I can as someone who is just pushed aside because they’re
who is just pushed aside because they’re
who is just pushed aside because they’re crazy and it’s comic relief or you only
crazy and it’s comic relief or you only
crazy and it’s comic relief or you only see people stuck in mental health
see people stuck in mental health
see people stuck in mental health institutions and they become nothing and
institutions and they become nothing and
institutions and they become nothing and I think in order for society to change
I think in order for society to change
I think in order for society to change we’re the were society so we need to
we’re the were society so we need to
we’re the were society so we need to change the way we talk to ourselves and
change the way we talk to ourselves and
change the way we talk to ourselves and view mental illnesses and it starts with
view mental illnesses and it starts with
view mental illnesses and it starts with the way we speak to our to ourselves
forty million Americans suffer from a
forty million Americans suffer from a mental health condition that is one out
mental health condition that is one out
mental health condition that is one out of five people so someone you know has a
of five people so someone you know has a
of five people so someone you know has a mental illness and most of the time they
mental illness and most of the time they
mental illness and most of the time they keep quiet about it because they’re so
keep quiet about it because they’re so
keep quiet about it because they’re so afraid of the stigma that surrounds
afraid of the stigma that surrounds
afraid of the stigma that surrounds having a mental illness people will be
having a mental illness people will be
having a mental illness people will be little you will judge you will think
little you will judge you will think
little you will judge you will think you’re unintelligent and that’s not true
you’re unintelligent and that’s not true
you’re unintelligent and that’s not true at all
at all
at all I mean I don’t believe the dictionary
I mean I don’t believe the dictionary
I mean I don’t believe the dictionary when it says vulnerability is synonymous
when it says vulnerability is synonymous
when it says vulnerability is synonymous with weakness I disagree I think
with weakness I disagree I think
with weakness I disagree I think vulnerability equals strength and to be
vulnerability equals strength and to be
vulnerability equals strength and to be vulnerable is to be human to be scared
vulnerable is to be human to be scared
vulnerable is to be human to be scared to feel everything and accept those
to feel everything and accept those
to feel everything and accept those feelings is what’s necessary it’s not
feelings is what’s necessary it’s not
feelings is what’s necessary it’s not easy it’s always an everyday battle but
easy it’s always an everyday battle but
easy it’s always an everyday battle but it’s a battle that I know I need to keep
it’s a battle that I know I need to keep
it’s a battle that I know I need to keep doing to survive and also to raise
doing to survive and also to raise
doing to survive and also to raise awareness and rather than looking for
awareness and rather than looking for
awareness and rather than looking for someone else to be the light in your
someone else to be the light in your
someone else to be the light in your tunnel you need to be that light for
tunnel you need to be that light for
tunnel you need to be that light for yourself you need to stop looking for
yourself you need to stop looking for
yourself you need to stop looking for somebody else and look inside of
somebody else and look inside of
somebody else and look inside of yourself and change the way you view
yourself and change the way you view
yourself and change the way you view yourself find courage and fear find
yourself find courage and fear find
yourself find courage and fear find happiness and sadness and understand
happiness and sadness and understand
happiness and sadness and understand that it’s okay to not being okay
whatever you do though just remember if
whatever you do though just remember if you’re afraid or you’re going through
you’re afraid or you’re going through
you’re afraid or you’re going through something mental illness or not you
something mental illness or not you
something mental illness or not you should always speak up because you owe
should always speak up because you owe
should always speak up because you owe it to yourself to speak up for you so
it to yourself to speak up for you so
it to yourself to speak up for you so speak up for yourself you need to speak
speak up for yourself you need to speak
speak up for yourself you need to speak up even though your voice is shaking
up even though your voice is shaking
up even though your voice is shaking like mine is right now but you just need
like mine is right now but you just need
like mine is right now but you just need to speak up thank you
to speak up thank you
to speak up thank you [Applause]
”
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