[Applause] thank you by the end of my talk through
thank you by the end of my talk through
thank you by the end of my talk through the magic of slam poetry I will have
the magic of slam poetry I will have
the magic of slam poetry I will have this entire crowd fluent in German so we
this entire crowd fluent in German so we
this entire crowd fluent in German so we have that to look forward to my name is
have that to look forward to my name is
have that to look forward to my name is Michael Schaffer and I have been a slam
Michael Schaffer and I have been a slam
Michael Schaffer and I have been a slam poet for about 13 years and what I enjoy
poet for about 13 years and what I enjoy
poet for about 13 years and what I enjoy about slam poetry performance poetry
about slam poetry performance poetry
about slam poetry performance poetry spoken word is that it’s accessible it’s
spoken word is that it’s accessible it’s
spoken word is that it’s accessible it’s short it’s often available for free and
short it’s often available for free and
short it’s often available for free and it can often compel the audience or
it can often compel the audience or
it can often compel the audience or challenge the audience to make the world
challenge the audience to make the world
challenge the audience to make the world a better place and like traditional page
a better place and like traditional page
a better place and like traditional page poetry it can be interpreted in a
poetry it can be interpreted in a
poetry it can be interpreted in a variety of different ways let’s start
variety of different ways let’s start
variety of different ways let’s start off today with Jack and the Beanstalk
off today with Jack and the Beanstalk
off today with Jack and the Beanstalk now when you think about that fairy tale
now when you think about that fairy tale
now when you think about that fairy tale I want you to try and envision what the
I want you to try and envision what the
I want you to try and envision what the hero of Jack and the Beanstalk looks
hero of Jack and the Beanstalk looks
hero of Jack and the Beanstalk looks like how old is he what kind of clothing
like how old is he what kind of clothing
like how old is he what kind of clothing does he wear how tall is he now when I
does he wear how tall is he now when I
does he wear how tall is he now when I think about large characters characters
think about large characters characters
think about large characters characters with a capacity if you will there’s one
with a capacity if you will there’s one
with a capacity if you will there’s one guy that comes to my mind and that’s the
guy that comes to my mind and that’s the
guy that comes to my mind and that’s the villain from Jack and the Beanstalk the
villain from Jack and the Beanstalk the
villain from Jack and the Beanstalk the Giant his story his side of the story
Giant his story his side of the story
Giant his story his side of the story has never been told until now this is
has never been told until now this is
has never been told until now this is the ways and means with the Fistful of
the ways and means with the Fistful of
the ways and means with the Fistful of beans also known as the behemoth cometh
beans also known as the behemoth cometh
beans also known as the behemoth cometh I dabble in horticulture but I’m not the
I dabble in horticulture but I’m not the
I dabble in horticulture but I’m not the most diligent gardener so it’s no
most diligent gardener so it’s no
most diligent gardener so it’s no surprise that when I noticed a beanstalk
surprise that when I noticed a beanstalk
surprise that when I noticed a beanstalk eating its way through my Cabbage Patch
eating its way through my Cabbage Patch
eating its way through my Cabbage Patch one morning I procrastinated I told
one morning I procrastinated I told
one morning I procrastinated I told myself that I would weed it out tomorrow
myself that I would weed it out tomorrow
myself that I would weed it out tomorrow little did I know that this stalk of
little did I know that this stalk of
little did I know that this stalk of beans would be the ways and means for
beans would be the ways and means for
beans would be the ways and means for this Englishman Jack a novice thief he
this Englishman Jack a novice thief he
this Englishman Jack a novice thief he stole one of my birds my harp yes I own
stole one of my birds my harp yes I own
stole one of my birds my harp yes I own a harp the cops had a hard time
a harp the cops had a hard time
a harp the cops had a hard time believing that – I guess I don’t look
believing that – I guess I don’t look
believing that – I guess I don’t look like the harp playing type but Jack is
like the harp playing type but Jack is
like the harp playing type but Jack is supposed to be the hero if you believe
supposed to be the hero if you believe
supposed to be the hero if you believe the fairy tale hype I was the robbery
the fairy tale hype I was the robbery
the fairy tale hype I was the robbery victim here and Jack with some amateur
victim here and Jack with some amateur
victim here and Jack with some amateur and he is portrayed as some poor kid
and he is portrayed as some poor kid
and he is portrayed as some poor kid whose intentions are good whose heart is
whose intentions are good whose heart is
whose intentions are good whose heart is pure Jack didn’t even bother wiping his
pure Jack didn’t even bother wiping his
pure Jack didn’t even bother wiping his feet before his daring little B&E folks
feet before his daring little B&E folks
feet before his daring little B&E folks I’m roughly 6 foot 2 6 foot 3 but a
I’m roughly 6 foot 2 6 foot 3 but a
I’m roughly 6 foot 2 6 foot 3 but a fearsome giant come on no matter what
fearsome giant come on no matter what
fearsome giant come on no matter what hands Christian Anderson or the Brothers
hands Christian Anderson or the Brothers
hands Christian Anderson or the Brothers Grimm might have said I say the public
Grimm might have said I say the public
Grimm might have said I say the public has been sorely misled sure I’m a big
has been sorely misled sure I’m a big
has been sorely misled sure I’m a big guy but I’m fairly even-tempered even
guy but I’m fairly even-tempered even
guy but I’m fairly even-tempered even when some teenage Punk steals what’s
when some teenage Punk steals what’s
when some teenage Punk steals what’s rightfully mine
rightfully mine
rightfully mine I don’t fly off the handle I don’t get
I don’t fly off the handle I don’t get
I don’t fly off the handle I don’t get out of line sure I might have said some
out of line sure I might have said some
out of line sure I might have said some F words but nothing is dumb as fee fie
F words but nothing is dumb as fee fie
F words but nothing is dumb as fee fie foe fall see that this makes me sound
foe fall see that this makes me sound
foe fall see that this makes me sound silly and loud and it must have been
silly and loud and it must have been
silly and loud and it must have been Jack’s first time on my cloud because he
Jack’s first time on my cloud because he
Jack’s first time on my cloud because he certainly hadn’t cased the joint I made
certainly hadn’t cased the joint I made
certainly hadn’t cased the joint I made off with some goods but my point is he
off with some goods but my point is he
off with some goods but my point is he left a lot of stuff behind well not that
left a lot of stuff behind well not that
left a lot of stuff behind well not that I mind I mean he made off with the goose
I mind I mean he made off with the goose
I mind I mean he made off with the goose that lays the golden eggs but he
that lays the golden eggs but he
that lays the golden eggs but he overlooked my diamond-encrusted cribbage
overlooked my diamond-encrusted cribbage
overlooked my diamond-encrusted cribbage pegs and while a golden egg laying goose
pegs and while a golden egg laying goose
pegs and while a golden egg laying goose is pretty unique I’ve also got a train
is pretty unique I’ve also got a train
is pretty unique I’ve also got a train to can with a big old beak now the
to can with a big old beak now the
to can with a big old beak now the toucan can’t lay eggs but here’s the
toucan can’t lay eggs but here’s the
toucan can’t lay eggs but here’s the curious thing though he poops out casino
curious thing though he poops out casino
curious thing though he poops out casino chips from the Las Vegas Flamingo yeah
chips from the Las Vegas Flamingo yeah
chips from the Las Vegas Flamingo yeah and that’s my best and if you want to
and that’s my best and if you want to
and that’s my best and if you want to mix in a magical fruit with all the rest
mix in a magical fruit with all the rest
mix in a magical fruit with all the rest you can plant some beans in your
you can plant some beans in your
you can plant some beans in your backyard you know gardening really isn’t
backyard you know gardening really isn’t
backyard you know gardening really isn’t that hard you just put some sunshine and
that hard you just put some sunshine and
that hard you just put some sunshine and it’s an h2o we can do it you’ll be
it’s an h2o we can do it you’ll be
it’s an h2o we can do it you’ll be amazed at how amazingly tall they can
amazed at how amazingly tall they can
amazed at how amazingly tall they can grow and if you don’t mind an arduous
grow and if you don’t mind an arduous
grow and if you don’t mind an arduous climb to come up and see me sometime
climb to come up and see me sometime
climb to come up and see me sometime because it’s lonely at the top anyway
because it’s lonely at the top anyway
because it’s lonely at the top anyway since my skyward home was burglarized
since my skyward home was burglarized
since my skyward home was burglarized I’ve beefed up my security I’ve gotten
I’ve beefed up my security I’ve gotten
I’ve beefed up my security I’ve gotten wise for a few hundred dollars I’ve even
wise for a few hundred dollars I’ve even
wise for a few hundred dollars I’ve even elected to get my Volkswagen van Viper
elected to get my Volkswagen van Viper
elected to get my Volkswagen van Viper protected my homeowner’s insurance
protected my homeowner’s insurance
protected my homeowner’s insurance policy will even provide the next time
policy will even provide the next time
policy will even provide the next time that Englishman takes one step inside I
that Englishman takes one step inside I
that Englishman takes one step inside I can grind his bones to make my bread and
can grind his bones to make my bread and
can grind his bones to make my bread and letting some truth to what those
letting some truth to what those
letting some truth to what those storytellers have said when I catch Jack
storytellers have said when I catch Jack
storytellers have said when I catch Jack he’ll be buttered and baked he’ll become
he’ll be buttered and baked he’ll become
he’ll be buttered and baked he’ll become part of my daily carbohydrate intake
part of my daily carbohydrate intake
part of my daily carbohydrate intake steal from a giant you
steal from a giant you
steal from a giant you shouldn’t try it because I don’t know
shouldn’t try it because I don’t know
shouldn’t try it because I don’t know one of us who likes the Atkins diet
one of us who likes the Atkins diet
one of us who likes the Atkins diet Giants like pasta beer and bread we’re
Giants like pasta beer and bread we’re
Giants like pasta beer and bread we’re gentle creatures as long as we’re fed
gentle creatures as long as we’re fed
gentle creatures as long as we’re fed and as long as you humans abide bias and
and as long as you humans abide bias and
and as long as you humans abide bias and I cannot stress this enough
I cannot stress this enough
I cannot stress this enough keep your thieving little hands off of
keep your thieving little hands off of
keep your thieving little hands off of our stuff thank you so Jack and the
our stuff thank you so Jack and the
our stuff thank you so Jack and the Beanstalk was first published in 1807 by
Beanstalk was first published in 1807 by
Beanstalk was first published in 1807 by Benjamin T Bart and since then we’ve
Benjamin T Bart and since then we’ve
Benjamin T Bart and since then we’ve been conditioned to root for Jack and
been conditioned to root for Jack and
been conditioned to root for Jack and root against the Giant is the bad guy
root against the Giant is the bad guy
root against the Giant is the bad guy slam poetry is all about being open to a
slam poetry is all about being open to a
slam poetry is all about being open to a wide variety of voices and viewpoints
wide variety of voices and viewpoints
wide variety of voices and viewpoints even if especially if it’s a viewpoint
even if especially if it’s a viewpoint
even if especially if it’s a viewpoint that challenges the status quo slam
that challenges the status quo slam
that challenges the status quo slam poetry has forced me to become a better
poetry has forced me to become a better
poetry has forced me to become a better writer and since entering the slam
writer and since entering the slam
writer and since entering the slam poetry community I’ve been blessed with
poetry community I’ve been blessed with
poetry community I’ve been blessed with meeting a whole fantastic batch of
meeting a whole fantastic batch of
meeting a whole fantastic batch of writers and performers first order of
writers and performers first order of
writers and performers first order of business this is not to scale
business this is not to scale
business this is not to scale we know that Alaska is much much larger
we know that Alaska is much much larger
we know that Alaska is much much larger than this but in 2006 I was able to
than this but in 2006 I was able to
than this but in 2006 I was able to attend my first national poetry slam in
attend my first national poetry slam in
attend my first national poetry slam in Austin Texas and part of that week-long
Austin Texas and part of that week-long
Austin Texas and part of that week-long a competition had a side event called
a competition had a side event called
a competition had a side event called the slam Olympics and poets were
the slam Olympics and poets were
the slam Olympics and poets were challenged to deliver a one-minute poem
challenged to deliver a one-minute poem
challenged to deliver a one-minute poem during the 60 second round well my team
during the 60 second round well my team
during the 60 second round well my team saw fit to send me to the stage in the
saw fit to send me to the stage in the
saw fit to send me to the stage in the hopes of bringing home the goal now at
hopes of bringing home the goal now at
hopes of bringing home the goal now at the time arguably I was the least
the time arguably I was the least
the time arguably I was the least experienced poet on our team but this is
experienced poet on our team but this is
experienced poet on our team but this is a chance for me to be the hero so here
a chance for me to be the hero so here
a chance for me to be the hero so here for you good folks this afternoon is the
for you good folks this afternoon is the
for you good folks this afternoon is the poem that I performed in Austin Texas at
poem that I performed in Austin Texas at
poem that I performed in Austin Texas at the National Poetry Slam some 11 years
the National Poetry Slam some 11 years
the National Poetry Slam some 11 years ago now the title of the poem is
ago now the title of the poem is
ago now the title of the poem is actually longer than the poem itself so
actually longer than the poem itself so
actually longer than the poem itself so here a slice of of National Poetry Slam
here a slice of of National Poetry Slam
here a slice of of National Poetry Slam history
history
history this is clarification on the colostomy
this is clarification on the colostomy
this is clarification on the colostomy bag that’s not a pinata
[Applause]
[Applause] so sometimes your creative team has this
so sometimes your creative team has this
so sometimes your creative team has this wide array of resources and the solution
wide array of resources and the solution
wide array of resources and the solution is actually very simple and I had
is actually very simple and I had
is actually very simple and I had competitors going to stage deliberate
competitors going to stage deliberate
competitors going to stage deliberate delivering 57 58 59 second poems and
delivering 57 58 59 second poems and
delivering 57 58 59 second poems and when I went to the stage with a verse
when I went to the stage with a verse
when I went to the stage with a verse that was just four words long the judges
that was just four words long the judges
that was just four words long the judges by unanimous decision gave me first
by unanimous decision gave me first
by unanimous decision gave me first place for that Paul and harkening to
place for that Paul and harkening to
place for that Paul and harkening to today’s theme of building capacity our
today’s theme of building capacity our
today’s theme of building capacity our creative wise you want to kind of you
creative wise you want to kind of you
creative wise you want to kind of you know push your limits and increase your
know push your limits and increase your
know push your limits and increase your capacity but in regards to a colostomy
capacity but in regards to a colostomy
capacity but in regards to a colostomy bag you want to always respect the
bag you want to always respect the
bag you want to always respect the capacity of a colostomy bag trust me on
capacity of a colostomy bag trust me on
capacity of a colostomy bag trust me on this one
this one
this one so when I think of all the the history
so when I think of all the the history
so when I think of all the the history and the mythos and legends and movies
and the mythos and legends and movies
and the mythos and legends and movies and heroes and superheroes there’s been
and heroes and superheroes there’s been
and heroes and superheroes there’s been one go-to that’s always helped me with
one go-to that’s always helped me with
one go-to that’s always helped me with with writing prompts and that’s been the
with writing prompts and that’s been the
with writing prompts and that’s been the Star Wars universe
Star Wars universe
Star Wars universe years ago I was trying to woo a woman
years ago I was trying to woo a woman
years ago I was trying to woo a woman with poetry and I didn’t want to open
with poetry and I didn’t want to open
with poetry and I didn’t want to open with the colostomy bag poem so I stuck a
with the colostomy bag poem so I stuck a
with the colostomy bag poem so I stuck a pin in that I didn’t really stick a pin
pin in that I didn’t really stick a pin
pin in that I didn’t really stick a pin in the flap but um you get my gist there
in the flap but um you get my gist there
in the flap but um you get my gist there so this is a very personal love poem
so this is a very personal love poem
so this is a very personal love poem with the unlikely hero at the center
with the unlikely hero at the center
with the unlikely hero at the center being a young Luke Skywalker this is
being a young Luke Skywalker this is
being a young Luke Skywalker this is clowns and Jedi I’ve got all these
clowns and Jedi I’ve got all these
clowns and Jedi I’ve got all these emotions for you and each one is a
emotions for you and each one is a
emotions for you and each one is a chubby clown who’s been forced to get
chubby clown who’s been forced to get
chubby clown who’s been forced to get into a small circus car shakes is riding
into a small circus car shakes is riding
into a small circus car shakes is riding shotgun and cussing a blue streak
shotgun and cussing a blue streak
shotgun and cussing a blue streak because that freak Clarabel is at the
because that freak Clarabel is at the
because that freak Clarabel is at the wheel these rosy nose gestures represent
wheel these rosy nose gestures represent
wheel these rosy nose gestures represent frustration and impatience respectively
frustration and impatience respectively
frustration and impatience respectively and Ronald McDonald he represents thirst
and Ronald McDonald he represents thirst
and Ronald McDonald he represents thirst and hunger and greed all wrapped up in a
and hunger and greed all wrapped up in a
and hunger and greed all wrapped up in a nice bright red pair of size 15s and my
nice bright red pair of size 15s and my
nice bright red pair of size 15s and my mischief is embodied by Sideshow Bob and
mischief is embodied by Sideshow Bob and
mischief is embodied by Sideshow Bob and bozo and amidst all these face painted
bozo and amidst all these face painted
bozo and amidst all these face painted guys as a helium huffing Pennywise
guys as a helium huffing Pennywise
guys as a helium huffing Pennywise he represents fear and over here Sean
he represents fear and over here Sean
he represents fear and over here Sean Spicer well the best that I configure
Spicer well the best that I configure
Spicer well the best that I configure he’s just a clown and my emotions are
he’s just a clown and my emotions are
he’s just a clown and my emotions are all cramming into this miniaturized you
all cramming into this miniaturized you
all cramming into this miniaturized you go whippin cookies around the center
go whippin cookies around the center
go whippin cookies around the center circus ring at five miles per hour and
circus ring at five miles per hour and
circus ring at five miles per hour and the power steering has just conked out
the power steering has just conked out
the power steering has just conked out and my sensibilities are these
and my sensibilities are these
and my sensibilities are these thin-skinned balloons pregnant with
thin-skinned balloons pregnant with
thin-skinned balloons pregnant with confetti and bursting apart pop pop
confetti and bursting apart pop pop
confetti and bursting apart pop pop popping to the dashboard beat of
popping to the dashboard beat of
popping to the dashboard beat of Barracuda by heart and I am NOT always
Barracuda by heart and I am NOT always
Barracuda by heart and I am NOT always scatterbrained like this of course it’s
scatterbrained like this of course it’s
scatterbrained like this of course it’s amazing like the force with the focus of
amazing like the force with the focus of
amazing like the force with the focus of Luke Skywalker doing one-armed
Luke Skywalker doing one-armed
Luke Skywalker doing one-armed handstands and Luke was not showing off
handstands and Luke was not showing off
handstands and Luke was not showing off because he only had an audience of two
because he only had an audience of two
because he only had an audience of two eye malfunctioning droid and a bossy
eye malfunctioning droid and a bossy
eye malfunctioning droid and a bossy Muppet it’s it’s amazing because after
Muppet it’s it’s amazing because after
Muppet it’s it’s amazing because after all this you doubt whether you float my
all this you doubt whether you float my
all this you doubt whether you float my boat girl you have got me hovering like
boat girl you have got me hovering like
boat girl you have got me hovering like Skywalker’s x-wing ten feet off the deck
Skywalker’s x-wing ten feet off the deck
Skywalker’s x-wing ten feet off the deck of a swamp I love you in all the ways
of a swamp I love you in all the ways
of a swamp I love you in all the ways that Han Solo was afraid to say and I
that Han Solo was afraid to say and I
that Han Solo was afraid to say and I know that carbon freeze was way back in
know that carbon freeze was way back in
know that carbon freeze was way back in the day but that was Empire and not Star
the day but that was Empire and not Star
the day but that was Empire and not Star Wars and and that was 1980 and not the
Wars and and that was 1980 and not the
Wars and and that was 1980 and not the late 70s and these may seem like the
late 70s and these may seem like the
late 70s and these may seem like the tiniest of trifles but they’re not in
tiniest of trifles but they’re not in
tiniest of trifles but they’re not in the way that dick Sargent was still
the way that dick Sargent was still
the way that dick Sargent was still Darren but he wasn’t dick York in the
Darren but he wasn’t dick York in the
Darren but he wasn’t dick York in the way that the name Mindy is incomplete
way that the name Mindy is incomplete
way that the name Mindy is incomplete without Mork and like a halo three
without Mork and like a halo three
without Mork and like a halo three needler beats a KFC spork now switching
needler beats a KFC spork now switching
needler beats a KFC spork now switching gears for your ears in the Latin it
gears for your ears in the Latin it
gears for your ears in the Latin it seems so random of this negates the
seems so random of this negates the
seems so random of this negates the gustibus known as dispo tandem how could
gustibus known as dispo tandem how could
gustibus known as dispo tandem how could you see this equal and not be moved
you see this equal and not be moved
you see this equal and not be moved I am the new and improved version of new
I am the new and improved version of new
I am the new and improved version of new and improved now that’s how powerful
and improved now that’s how powerful
and improved now that’s how powerful Empire was for me so when the Lucasfilm
Empire was for me so when the Lucasfilm
Empire was for me so when the Lucasfilm cronies yell cut and the old Jedi Master
cronies yell cut and the old Jedi Master
cronies yell cut and the old Jedi Master relaxes his wrinkled green fists and the
relaxes his wrinkled green fists and the
relaxes his wrinkled green fists and the dude inside of r2d2 pops the top for a
dude inside of r2d2 pops the top for a
dude inside of r2d2 pops the top for a breath of fresh air and Frank Oz takes
breath of fresh air and Frank Oz takes
breath of fresh air and Frank Oz takes his hand out of Yoda’s butt and he grabs
his hand out of Yoda’s butt and he grabs
his hand out of Yoda’s butt and he grabs a an egg salad sandwich and the x-wing
a an egg salad sandwich and the x-wing
a an egg salad sandwich and the x-wing is still hovering in midair that’s not
is still hovering in midair that’s not
is still hovering in midair that’s not the force keeping it there ask the true
the force keeping it there ask the true
the force keeping it there ask the true Star Wars geeks they’ve already checked
Star Wars geeks they’ve already checked
Star Wars geeks they’ve already checked that’s not some advanced CGI are some
that’s not some advanced CGI are some
that’s not some advanced CGI are some greens
greens
greens in effect that’s love baby that’s my
in effect that’s love baby that’s my
in effect that’s love baby that’s my trivia steam ocean alert clown and he’s
trivia steam ocean alert clown and he’s
trivia steam ocean alert clown and he’s not gonna set the x-wing down until you
not gonna set the x-wing down until you
not gonna set the x-wing down until you love me back alright so making a
love me back alright so making a
love me back alright so making a transition from the unlikely hero that
transition from the unlikely hero that
transition from the unlikely hero that was a young Luke Skywalker to one of the
was a young Luke Skywalker to one of the
was a young Luke Skywalker to one of the most overlooked and underrated
most overlooked and underrated
most overlooked and underrated superheroes from the spandex wearing
superheroes from the spandex wearing
superheroes from the spandex wearing universe a previously dormant Pacific
universe a previously dormant Pacific
universe a previously dormant Pacific Rim volcano recently erupted and took on
Rim volcano recently erupted and took on
Rim volcano recently erupted and took on challengers from any and all comers here
challengers from any and all comers here
challengers from any and all comers here are the results of that confrontation in
are the results of that confrontation in
are the results of that confrontation in the battle between hot lava and William
the battle between hot lava and William
the battle between hot lava and William Shatner the winner hot lava hot lava
Shatner the winner hot lava hot lava
Shatner the winner hot lava hot lava versus Mary Tyler Moore hot lava judge’s
versus Mary Tyler Moore hot lava judge’s
versus Mary Tyler Moore hot lava judge’s decision hot lava vs the flash the flash
decision hot lava vs the flash the flash
decision hot lava vs the flash the flash just outran the pyroclastic flow so once
just outran the pyroclastic flow so once
just outran the pyroclastic flow so once again the winner was hot lava hot lava
again the winner was hot lava hot lava
again the winner was hot lava hot lava vs Scarlett Johansson now granted
vs Scarlett Johansson now granted
vs Scarlett Johansson now granted Scarlett Johansson is wicked hot but
Scarlett Johansson is wicked hot but
Scarlett Johansson is wicked hot but most hot lava clocks in at 2,000 degrees
most hot lava clocks in at 2,000 degrees
most hot lava clocks in at 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit sorry Scarlett hot lava hot
Fahrenheit sorry Scarlett hot lava hot
Fahrenheit sorry Scarlett hot lava hot lava vs. Kevin Bacon hot lava has 2,000
lava vs. Kevin Bacon hot lava has 2,000
lava vs. Kevin Bacon hot lava has 2,000 degrees Kevin Bacon has six hot lava vs
degrees Kevin Bacon has six hot lava vs
degrees Kevin Bacon has six hot lava vs Chuck Norris hot lava it should be noted
Chuck Norris hot lava it should be noted
Chuck Norris hot lava it should be noted that chucks one and only roundhouse kick
that chucks one and only roundhouse kick
that chucks one and only roundhouse kick did slow the lava flow hot lava vs.
did slow the lava flow hot lava vs.
did slow the lava flow hot lava vs. laughter yoga don’t make me laugh ha ha
laughter yoga don’t make me laugh ha ha
laughter yoga don’t make me laugh ha ha lava vs. Donald Trump audience ha you
lava vs. Donald Trump audience ha you
lava vs. Donald Trump audience ha you better believe it hot lava you cannot
better believe it hot lava you cannot
better believe it hot lava you cannot fire something that is already fired hot
fire something that is already fired hot
fire something that is already fired hot lava vs. Courtney Cox hot lava vs both
lava vs. Courtney Cox hot lava vs both
lava vs. Courtney Cox hot lava vs both the good and the evil Spock’s ha ha hot
the good and the evil Spock’s ha ha hot
the good and the evil Spock’s ha ha hot lava vs. Aquaman Aquaman that’s right
lava vs. Aquaman Aquaman that’s right
lava vs. Aquaman Aquaman that’s right Aquaman when hot lava met the cool and
Aquaman when hot lava met the cool and
Aquaman when hot lava met the cool and seemingly endless deluge that was the
seemingly endless deluge that was the
seemingly endless deluge that was the Pacific Ocean the menacing magma
Pacific Ocean the menacing magma
Pacific Ocean the menacing magma massacre began to surrender and settle
massacre began to surrender and settle
massacre began to surrender and settle with a steamy gasp forming our planets
with a steamy gasp forming our planets
with a steamy gasp forming our planets newest landmass
newest landmass
newest landmass manipulating the tides like a grope for
manipulating the tides like a grope for
manipulating the tides like a grope for Luna Aquaman didn’t even break a sweat
Luna Aquaman didn’t even break a sweat
Luna Aquaman didn’t even break a sweat and as he strutted off into the salty
and as he strutted off into the salty
and as he strutted off into the salty surf cocksure swagger in his glistening
surf cocksure swagger in his glistening
surf cocksure swagger in his glistening green tights
green tights
green tights Aquaman released this statement mmm
Aquaman released this statement mmm
Aquaman released this statement mmm Pinatubo is a punk Krakatoa
Pinatubo is a punk Krakatoa
Pinatubo is a punk Krakatoa is a joke Iceland’s volcano
is a joke Iceland’s volcano
is a joke Iceland’s volcano are you a fiery oka forget about it and
are you a fiery oka forget about it and
are you a fiery oka forget about it and the Submariner can kiss my butt and with
the Submariner can kiss my butt and with
the Submariner can kiss my butt and with a bat of a lash and a cannonball splash
a bat of a lash and a cannonball splash
a bat of a lash and a cannonball splash that underwater son of a gun was gone
thank you uh incidentally that last poem
thank you uh incidentally that last poem hot lava along with a handful of others
hot lava along with a handful of others
hot lava along with a handful of others they are poems that are being translated
they are poems that are being translated
they are poems that are being translated from from English into Spanish this
from from English into Spanish this
from from English into Spanish this month by students attending the
month by students attending the
month by students attending the University of Seville in Spain so I’m
University of Seville in Spain so I’m
University of Seville in Spain so I’m curious to see yeah mucho gusto so on
curious to see yeah mucho gusto so on
curious to see yeah mucho gusto so on the the whole spectrum here the extremes
the the whole spectrum here the extremes
the the whole spectrum here the extremes volcanic activity has the capacity to be
volcanic activity has the capacity to be
volcanic activity has the capacity to be very destructive and kill 92,000 people
very destructive and kill 92,000 people
very destructive and kill 92,000 people like the one in tambora
like the one in tambora
like the one in tambora on the other end on the creative
on the other end on the creative
on the other end on the creative capacity of volcanic activity it can
capacity of volcanic activity it can
capacity of volcanic activity it can make Maui so in your lives be a creative
make Maui so in your lives be a creative
make Maui so in your lives be a creative force but don’t be a Tambora be a Maui
force but don’t be a Tambora be a Maui
force but don’t be a Tambora be a Maui alright and your takeaway here
alright and your takeaway here
alright and your takeaway here if you’ve ever disregarded poetry as a
if you’ve ever disregarded poetry as a
if you’ve ever disregarded poetry as a lesser form of literature I give it
lesser form of literature I give it
lesser form of literature I give it another chance slam poetry performance
another chance slam poetry performance
another chance slam poetry performance poetry spoken word it’s often available
poetry spoken word it’s often available
poetry spoken word it’s often available for free online
for free online
for free online you’ve got bookstores in your community
you’ve got bookstores in your community
you’ve got bookstores in your community that support the craft and keep your
that support the craft and keep your
that support the craft and keep your eyes open for unlikely heroes you just
eyes open for unlikely heroes you just
eyes open for unlikely heroes you just might be one of them and I did promise
might be one of them and I did promise
might be one of them and I did promise this audience that I would have you
this audience that I would have you
this audience that I would have you fluent in German by the end of my talk
fluent in German by the end of my talk
fluent in German by the end of my talk do we still have time for that okay I’m
do we still have time for that okay I’m
do we still have time for that okay I’m being told I guess we do yeah yeah okay
being told I guess we do yeah yeah okay
being told I guess we do yeah yeah okay so here we go
so here we go
so here we go now with the help of the audience I hope
now with the help of the audience I hope
now with the help of the audience I hope to determine if there is anything poetic
to determine if there is anything poetic
to determine if there is anything poetic about the German language so here’s a
about the German language so here’s a
about the German language so here’s a bit from my poetry slam gigs it’s the
bit from my poetry slam gigs it’s the
bit from my poetry slam gigs it’s the story of the three little pigs in German
story of the three little pigs in German
story of the three little pigs in German so help me out crowd how do most fairy
so help me out crowd how do most fairy
so help me out crowd how do most fairy tales begin
tales begin
tales begin once upon a time danke Schoen eins of
once upon a time danke Schoen eins of
once upon a time danke Schoen eins of high net site that root dry cleaners –
high net site that root dry cleaners –
high net site that root dry cleaners – there’s fine anima Johann pooned
there’s fine anima Johann pooned
there’s fine anima Johann pooned Wolfgang on fritz in their mouth live in
Wolfgang on fritz in their mouth live in
Wolfgang on fritz in their mouth live in the grossest parts of roof their first
the grossest parts of roof their first
the grossest parts of roof their first Valen – fine
Valen – fine
Valen – fine so ensign I’m tagged the grossest parts
so ensign I’m tagged the grossest parts
so ensign I’m tagged the grossest parts a wolf gain some Johan’s house yo.hannes
a wolf gain some Johan’s house yo.hannes
a wolf gain some Johan’s house yo.hannes house mark of moose moose yeah the
house mark of moose moose yeah the
house mark of moose moose yeah the grossest parts of old socks
grossest parts of old socks
grossest parts of old socks – fine – fine
– fine – fine
– fine – fine chameleons in your hands act so the
chameleons in your hands act so the
chameleons in your hands act so the grossest parts of we’ll start the next
grossest parts of we’ll start the next
grossest parts of we’ll start the next Louisa UNIX Brenna Nick Medina hosta put
your Han thousands who even brewed a
your Han thousands who even brewed a good Khan’s house now whose guns house
good Khan’s house now whose guns house
good Khan’s house now whose guns house much of their gross as possible such
much of their gross as possible such
much of their gross as possible such clan is fine client is fine come a mere
clan is fine client is fine come a mere
clan is fine client is fine come a mere means Unni
means Unni
means Unni Johann Wolfgang Zack so the grocer’s
Johann Wolfgang Zack so the grocer’s
Johann Wolfgang Zack so the grocer’s possible sucked the next Ouisa who need
possible sucked the next Ouisa who need
possible sucked the next Ouisa who need Springer when it mock Dinah house kaput
Johann Wolfgang laughs and Sue Ellen
Johann Wolfgang laughs and Sue Ellen Britta freezes house now fridges house
Britta freezes house now fridges house
Britta freezes house now fridges house knocked out zigu sky
Jeter style style the closest possible
Jeter style style the closest possible Sachs trainees fine – fine comma Marines
Sachs trainees fine – fine comma Marines
Sachs trainees fine – fine comma Marines on your hunt on Vulcan moon frits act
on your hunt on Vulcan moon frits act
on your hunt on Vulcan moon frits act only by the Haram and grocer news bow
so the grossest particles that action
so the grossest particles that action the next Iser UNIX Springer when it
the next Iser UNIX Springer when it
the next Iser UNIX Springer when it McDaniels kaput
Springer good squeeze let’s pray our
Springer good squeeze let’s pray our students brain works toys on Springer
danke Schoen
danke Schoen [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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