the problem with me is I care too much now that sounds like a false modesty
now that sounds like a false modesty
now that sounds like a false modesty right that’s like saying the trouble
right that’s like saying the trouble
right that’s like saying the trouble with me is I’m a bit of a perfectionist
with me is I’m a bit of a perfectionist
with me is I’m a bit of a perfectionist we don’t really say it’s a problem we
we don’t really say it’s a problem we
we don’t really say it’s a problem we see it as a strength but is it in my
see it as a strength but is it in my
see it as a strength but is it in my experience caring too much just a lot
experience caring too much just a lot
experience caring too much just a lot perfectionism isn’t very helpful see I
perfectionism isn’t very helpful see I
perfectionism isn’t very helpful see I found that often when I really care
found that often when I really care
found that often when I really care about something I can all too easily get
about something I can all too easily get
about something I can all too easily get in my own way and actually limit the
in my own way and actually limit the
in my own way and actually limit the amount the good I can do now before I
amount the good I can do now before I
amount the good I can do now before I get into the perils of caring too much
get into the perils of caring too much
get into the perils of caring too much there are three things I’d like to share
there are three things I’d like to share
there are three things I’d like to share about myself today number one I’m a
about myself today number one I’m a
about myself today number one I’m a do-gooder 13 years ago the best mate Jim
do-gooder 13 years ago the best mate Jim
do-gooder 13 years ago the best mate Jim you know I set up a charity in our spare
you know I set up a charity in our spare
you know I set up a charity in our spare time called pasarán Africa and our goal
time called pasarán Africa and our goal
time called pasarán Africa and our goal was simple we wanted to help build
was simple we wanted to help build
was simple we wanted to help build schools in Africa and since 2005 we’ve
schools in Africa and since 2005 we’ve
schools in Africa and since 2005 we’ve been involved in six school build
been involved in six school build
been involved in six school build projects in Kenya in Ghana in the Gambia
projects in Kenya in Ghana in the Gambia
projects in Kenya in Ghana in the Gambia and in Uganda and whilst hasn’t always
and in Uganda and whilst hasn’t always
and in Uganda and whilst hasn’t always been plain sailing I’m really proud to
been plain sailing I’m really proud to
been plain sailing I’m really proud to say that all these schools are still
say that all these schools are still
say that all these schools are still running today it’s completely
running today it’s completely
running today it’s completely independent of us okay number two I’m
independent of us okay number two I’m
independent of us okay number two I’m scared shitless
scared shitless
scared shitless now obviously I’m scared shitless right
now obviously I’m scared shitless right
now obviously I’m scared shitless right now but I’m talking more in general I’ve
now but I’m talking more in general I’ve
now but I’m talking more in general I’ve struggled with mental health and
struggled with mental health and
struggled with mental health and particularly anxiety for most of my life
particularly anxiety for most of my life
particularly anxiety for most of my life and this isn’t particularly enjoyable to
and this isn’t particularly enjoyable to
and this isn’t particularly enjoyable to talk about because like a lot of people
talk about because like a lot of people
talk about because like a lot of people I’ve always masked my feelings but
I’ve always masked my feelings but
I’ve always masked my feelings but you’ll seem like a nice bunch and in the
you’ll seem like a nice bunch and in the
you’ll seem like a nice bunch and in the spirit of do different I shout okay more
spirit of do different I shout okay more
spirit of do different I shout okay more about chronic worrying shortly but first
about chronic worrying shortly but first
about chronic worrying shortly but first number three I’m an artist this is me
number three I’m an artist this is me
number three I’m an artist this is me early on in my career
early on in my career
early on in my career don’t be fooled I was a little bugger
don’t be fooled I was a little bugger
don’t be fooled I was a little bugger really I’ve been drawing for as long as
really I’ve been drawing for as long as
really I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember really and I think art
I can remember really and I think art
I can remember really and I think art has always been a way for me to make
has always been a way for me to make
has always been a way for me to make sense of my feelings that make sense of
sense of my feelings that make sense of
sense of my feelings that make sense of the world my work is clearly influenced
the world my work is clearly influenced
the world my work is clearly influenced by time I’ve spent in Africa but above
by time I’ve spent in Africa but above
by time I’ve spent in Africa but above all I think it’s the human condition
all I think it’s the human condition
all I think it’s the human condition that really drives my ideas why we are
that really drives my ideas why we are
that really drives my ideas why we are the way we are what we all share is
the way we are what we all share is
the way we are what we all share is human universals the beliefs we hold and
human universals the beliefs we hold and
human universals the beliefs we hold and why we hold them and the mastery where
why we hold them and the mastery where
why we hold them and the mastery where and why we wear them so what have I told
and why we wear them so what have I told
and why we wear them so what have I told you these three things about myself well
you these three things about myself well
you these three things about myself well it’s because I think they all contribute
it’s because I think they all contribute
it’s because I think they all contribute to the way that I care for example I
to the way that I care for example I
to the way that I care for example I think it’s growing up worrying all the
think it’s growing up worrying all the
think it’s growing up worrying all the time that made me a do-gooder in the
time that made me a do-gooder in the
time that made me a do-gooder in the first place I remember in the 80s where
first place I remember in the 80s where
first place I remember in the 80s where and the Ethiopian famine was all over
and the Ethiopian famine was all over
and the Ethiopian famine was all over the news and it really bothered me I
the news and it really bothered me I
the news and it really bothered me I couldn’t get out of my head I worried
couldn’t get out of my head I worried
couldn’t get out of my head I worried about it for weeks
about it for weeks
about it for weeks I felt really anxious and I had this
I felt really anxious and I had this
I felt really anxious and I had this huge sense of responsibility and I was
huge sense of responsibility and I was
huge sense of responsibility and I was about seven or eight and I think people
about seven or eight and I think people
about seven or eight and I think people around me just to make me feel better
around me just to make me feel better
around me just to make me feel better told me I was a really caring person and
told me I was a really caring person and
told me I was a really caring person and I liked that it made me feel better when
I liked that it made me feel better when
I liked that it made me feel better when I was worrying so even at a young age I
I was worrying so even at a young age I
I was worrying so even at a young age I think my over caring anxious identity
think my over caring anxious identity
think my over caring anxious identity was beginning to take shape now has
was beginning to take shape now has
was beginning to take shape now has anyone here ever felt like they’ve cared
anyone here ever felt like they’ve cared
anyone here ever felt like they’ve cared too much maybe about something or
too much maybe about something or
too much maybe about something or someone maybe it’s in a relationship and
someone maybe it’s in a relationship and
someone maybe it’s in a relationship and you become fearful of losing that person
you become fearful of losing that person
you become fearful of losing that person I wonder what that looks like as a set
I wonder what that looks like as a set
I wonder what that looks like as a set of behaviors holding on too tight
of behaviors holding on too tight
of behaviors holding on too tight pushing them away can be exhausting
pushing them away can be exhausting
pushing them away can be exhausting right I’m productive or maybe just
right I’m productive or maybe just
right I’m productive or maybe just unsustainable so be it really possible
unsustainable so be it really possible
unsustainable so be it really possible to care too much I guess what I’m saying
to care too much I guess what I’m saying
to care too much I guess what I’m saying is careful how you care now I’m no
is careful how you care now I’m no
is careful how you care now I’m no expert in psychology or philosophy but I
expert in psychology or philosophy but I
expert in psychology or philosophy but I am an expert on my own experiences I
am an expert on my own experiences I
am an expert on my own experiences I also happen to be married to a therapist
also happen to be married to a therapist
also happen to be married to a therapist lucky me
lucky me
lucky me she’s one of the smartest people I know
she’s one of the smartest people I know
she’s one of the smartest people I know and she’s really taught me a lot about
and she’s really taught me a lot about
and she’s really taught me a lot about compassion and why it’s really no wonder
compassion and why it’s really no wonder
compassion and why it’s really no wonder that we all struggle from time to time
that we all struggle from time to time
that we all struggle from time to time so what does it mean to care well I’ve
so what does it mean to care well I’ve
so what does it mean to care well I’ve learned it’s made up a fee
learned it’s made up a fee
learned it’s made up a fee Ling’s thoughts and actions and I guess
Ling’s thoughts and actions and I guess
Ling’s thoughts and actions and I guess what we hope is that these actions will
what we hope is that these actions will
what we hope is that these actions will lead us to do some good or make some
lead us to do some good or make some
lead us to do some good or make some positive change I remember the first
positive change I remember the first
positive change I remember the first time I went to Africa and witnessed true
time I went to Africa and witnessed true
time I went to Africa and witnessed true poverty and I was whacked with feelings
poverty and I was whacked with feelings
poverty and I was whacked with feelings of sadness and anger and guilt and this
of sadness and anger and guilt and this
of sadness and anger and guilt and this led to thoughts like what a dick I am to
led to thoughts like what a dick I am to
led to thoughts like what a dick I am to worry so much something something’s got
worry so much something something’s got
worry so much something something’s got to change I’ve got to do something the
to change I’ve got to do something the
to change I’ve got to do something the world is so unfair and this led to
world is so unfair and this led to
world is so unfair and this led to thoughts like sorry this led to actions
thoughts like sorry this led to actions
thoughts like sorry this led to actions like setting up a charity okay so some
like setting up a charity okay so some
like setting up a charity okay so some were good but at times have also been
were good but at times have also been
were good but at times have also been guilty of getting on my high horse when
guilty of getting on my high horse when
guilty of getting on my high horse when talking about charity and my artwork as
talking about charity and my artwork as
talking about charity and my artwork as Jeff says struggled for a while to
Jeff says struggled for a while to
Jeff says struggled for a while to becoming stifled by my own black and
becoming stifled by my own black and
becoming stifled by my own black and white right and wrong gears but most
white right and wrong gears but most
white right and wrong gears but most importantly at times it’s led me to
importantly at times it’s led me to
importantly at times it’s led me to overworked and undervalued my own
overworked and undervalued my own
overworked and undervalued my own interests becoming stifled by anxiety
interests becoming stifled by anxiety
interests becoming stifled by anxiety and fear you see what caring it’s really
and fear you see what caring it’s really
and fear you see what caring it’s really hard to manage our thoughts and feelings
hard to manage our thoughts and feelings
hard to manage our thoughts and feelings and therefore all too easy to act in
and therefore all too easy to act in
and therefore all too easy to act in ways which are paradoxical II uncaring
ways which are paradoxical II uncaring
ways which are paradoxical II uncaring even if we don’t mean them to be so
even if we don’t mean them to be so
even if we don’t mean them to be so however come to think like this well
however come to think like this well
however come to think like this well let’s start with the charity no pasaran
let’s start with the charity no pasaran
let’s start with the charity no pasaran Africa began pretty not curiously really
Africa began pretty not curiously really
Africa began pretty not curiously really a friend of ours who works in
a friend of ours who works in
a friend of ours who works in international development helps the very
international development helps the very
international development helps the very school in the Robie that needed some
school in the Robie that needed some
school in the Robie that needed some help you see all the kids there kept
help you see all the kids there kept
help you see all the kids there kept getting infections through their feet
getting infections through their feet
getting infections through their feet just because they didn’t have any shoes
just because they didn’t have any shoes
just because they didn’t have any shoes and we thought hey this is terrible and
and we thought hey this is terrible and
and we thought hey this is terrible and B it may be kind of cool if we could run
B it may be kind of cool if we could run
B it may be kind of cool if we could run a marathon and try and raise enough
a marathon and try and raise enough
a marathon and try and raise enough money to buy all the kids a pair of
money to buy all the kids a pair of
money to buy all the kids a pair of shoes so that’s what we did and we loved
shoes so that’s what we did and we loved
shoes so that’s what we did and we loved it and then later on that year we
it and then later on that year we
it and then later on that year we actually visited the Tenderfoot school
actually visited the Tenderfoot school
actually visited the Tenderfoot school in the Robie and we were blown away by
in the Robie and we were blown away by
in the Robie and we were blown away by how well the schools run and what they
how well the schools run and what they
how well the schools run and what they were doing there they were
were doing there they were
were doing there they were infrastructure was great but they were
infrastructure was great but they were
infrastructure was great but they were hopelessly oversubscribed when they
hopelessly oversubscribed when they
hopelessly oversubscribed when they really needed was some more classrooms
really needed was some more classrooms
really needed was some more classrooms so we came back to England all fired up
so we came back to England all fired up
so we came back to England all fired up and started thinking some fundraising
and started thinking some fundraising
and started thinking some fundraising ideas some of these were definitely more
ideas some of these were definitely more
ideas some of these were definitely more productive than others this is one of
productive than others this is one of
productive than others this is one of our early escapades we carried a rowing
our early escapades we carried a rowing
our early escapades we carried a rowing machine to the top of the three highest
machine to the top of the three highest
machine to the top of the three highest mountains in Britain
mountains in Britain
mountains in Britain and then we rode the height of each
and then we rode the height of each
and then we rode the height of each mountain at the top dressed as
mountain at the top dressed as
mountain at the top dressed as superheroes designed by six-year-olds
superheroes designed by six-year-olds
superheroes designed by six-year-olds like to meet bossman and Julio super
like to meet bossman and Julio super
like to meet bossman and Julio super Julio now believe it or not that was
Julio now believe it or not that was
Julio now believe it or not that was actually really enjoyable and we did
actually really enjoyable and we did
actually really enjoyable and we did raise quite a bit of money but we
raise quite a bit of money but we
raise quite a bit of money but we quickly realized that if the chat was
quickly realized that if the chat was
quickly realized that if the chat was going to continue we needed to get more
going to continue we needed to get more
going to continue we needed to get more people involved and that’s where the
people involved and that’s where the
people involved and that’s where the heroes one comes in a superhero themed
heroes one comes in a superhero themed
heroes one comes in a superhero themed fancy just fun run along Bryan seafront
fancy just fun run along Bryan seafront
fancy just fun run along Bryan seafront the kind that looks like this and this
the kind that looks like this and this
the kind that looks like this and this this is us at GM setting the world
this is us at GM setting the world
this is us at GM setting the world record for the most superheroes in one
record for the most superheroes in one
record for the most superheroes in one place
place
place it was literally beaten a week later by
it was literally beaten a week later by
it was literally beaten a week later by someone in America but we don’t talk
someone in America but we don’t talk
someone in America but we don’t talk about I’ve also got their certificate
about I’ve also got their certificate
about I’ve also got their certificate they sent it to me by mistake so they
they sent it to me by mistake so they
they sent it to me by mistake so they have the moral victory but I have the
have the moral victory but I have the
have the moral victory but I have the piece of paper and we also have a kids
piece of paper and we also have a kids
piece of paper and we also have a kids race which looks like this or at least
race which looks like this or at least
race which looks like this or at least it does today because just like this
it does today because just like this
it does today because just like this charity heroes run didn’t happen
charity heroes run didn’t happen
charity heroes run didn’t happen overnight
overnight
overnight in 2005 the race looked a lot more like
in 2005 the race looked a lot more like
in 2005 the race looked a lot more like this volunteers outnumbering runners 4
this volunteers outnumbering runners 4
this volunteers outnumbering runners 4 to 1 because we had no idea what we were
to 1 because we had no idea what we were
to 1 because we had no idea what we were doing we were in our early 20s and we
doing we were in our early 20s and we
doing we were in our early 20s and we had no experience in marketing or event
had no experience in marketing or event
had no experience in marketing or event management and so as a result with about
management and so as a result with about
management and so as a result with about 20 minutes to go we had about 20 runners
20 minutes to go we had about 20 runners
20 minutes to go we had about 20 runners that looks pretty miserable though it
that looks pretty miserable though it
that looks pretty miserable though it was raining we kind of just wanted to go
was raining we kind of just wanted to go
was raining we kind of just wanted to go home we felt pretty embarrassed and then
home we felt pretty embarrassed and then
home we felt pretty embarrassed and then with ten minutes to go the Sun came out
with ten minutes to go the Sun came out
with ten minutes to go the Sun came out and with it a kid you not on the horizon
and with it a kid you not on the horizon
and with it a kid you not on the horizon came a whole army of superheroes led by
came a whole army of superheroes led by
came a whole army of superheroes led by banana man marching through all this and
banana man marching through all this and
banana man marching through all this and like so we we literally had about three
like so we we literally had about three
like so we we literally had about three pens and fifty entry forms and we didn’t
pens and fifty entry forms and we didn’t
pens and fifty entry forms and we didn’t have any float to take any money so it
have any float to take any money so it
have any float to take any money so it was a bit of a shambles but against the
was a bit of a shambles but against the
was a bit of a shambles but against the odds the first race ended up being a
odds the first race ended up being a
odds the first race ended up being a real success and I distinctly remember
real success and I distinctly remember
real success and I distinctly remember at the end of the race every sweaty
at the end of the race every sweaty
at the end of the race every sweaty Spider Man coming up to me and putting
Spider Man coming up to me and putting
Spider Man coming up to me and putting his arm around my shoulder and saying
his arm around my shoulder and saying
his arm around my shoulder and saying see you next year there was clearly an
see you next year there was clearly an
see you next year there was clearly an appetite for this event to continue and
appetite for this event to continue and
appetite for this event to continue and we felt compelled to carry on and so we
we felt compelled to carry on and so we
we felt compelled to carry on and so we did and we carried on raising quite a
did and we carried on raising quite a
did and we carried on raising quite a bit of money in the charity grew and
bit of money in the charity grew and
bit of money in the charity grew and grew so much so that a couple years
grew so much so that a couple years
grew so much so that a couple years later we could actually fund the new
later we could actually fund the new
later we could actually fund the new classrooms at Tenderfoot this is one
classrooms at Tenderfoot this is one
classrooms at Tenderfoot this is one the six classrooms being built in 2007
the six classrooms being built in 2007
the six classrooms being built in 2007 this is how they look today and we were
this is how they look today and we were
this is how they look today and we were also able to fund the work in kitchen at
also able to fund the work in kitchen at
also able to fund the work in kitchen at the school and we even purchased the
the school and we even purchased the
the school and we even purchased the neighboring land so that could be used
neighboring land so that could be used
neighboring land so that could be used for playing fields so this was great the
for playing fields so this was great the
for playing fields so this was great the charity was working and it quickly
charity was working and it quickly
charity was working and it quickly became part of my identity it was a
became part of my identity it was a
became part of my identity it was a perfect antidote to those feelings of
perfect antidote to those feelings of
perfect antidote to those feelings of not being good enough and I think we
not being good enough and I think we
not being good enough and I think we became victims of our own success in
became victims of our own success in
became victims of our own success in many ways my wife Audrina and friends
many ways my wife Audrina and friends
many ways my wife Audrina and friends mark and Nikki had now become part of
mark and Nikki had now become part of
mark and Nikki had now become part of the team but the amount of work required
the team but the amount of work required
the team but the amount of work required by me had grown exponentially you see I
by me had grown exponentially you see I
by me had grown exponentially you see I still trying to be an artist during the
still trying to be an artist during the
still trying to be an artist during the day which is not very easy and I was
day which is not very easy and I was
day which is not very easy and I was slowly squeezing in more and more
slowly squeezing in more and more
slowly squeezing in more and more charity work at night and I think rather
charity work at night and I think rather
charity work at night and I think rather than recognize that this is what I was
than recognize that this is what I was
than recognize that this is what I was doing I simply normalized the amount of
doing I simply normalized the amount of
doing I simply normalized the amount of work I was doing so I became a little
work I was doing so I became a little
work I was doing so I became a little bit resentful and frustrated at times
bit resentful and frustrated at times
bit resentful and frustrated at times and this this is definitely spilt out
and this this is definitely spilt out
and this this is definitely spilt out into the way that I was communicating
into the way that I was communicating
into the way that I was communicating with our fund raisers you see I just
with our fund raisers you see I just
with our fund raisers you see I just couldn’t believe that they weren’t
couldn’t believe that they weren’t
couldn’t believe that they weren’t raising more money than they were and I
raising more money than they were and I
raising more money than they were and I got really frustrated they didn’t care
got really frustrated they didn’t care
got really frustrated they didn’t care about this as much as I did now the
about this as much as I did now the
about this as much as I did now the slight mite despite my grumpy
slight mite despite my grumpy
slight mite despite my grumpy frustrations we remain productive this
frustrations we remain productive this
frustrations we remain productive this is the Dream Land school that we funded
is the Dream Land school that we funded
is the Dream Land school that we funded in Ghana in 2012 I just spoke to the the
in Ghana in 2012 I just spoke to the the
in Ghana in 2012 I just spoke to the the founder of the school last week at you
founder of the school last week at you
founder of the school last week at you know just had their thousandth people
know just had their thousandth people
know just had their thousandth people finish their primary education there
finish their primary education there
finish their primary education there this is one of the classrooms at
this is one of the classrooms at
this is one of the classrooms at Dreamlands and this is the Fresh Start
Dreamlands and this is the Fresh Start
Dreamlands and this is the Fresh Start skill center that we funded in 2014 in
skill center that we funded in 2014 in
skill center that we funded in 2014 in The Gambia with another great charity
The Gambia with another great charity
The Gambia with another great charity called the Fresh Start Foundation so
called the Fresh Start Foundation so
called the Fresh Start Foundation so yeah we were productive but the stress
yeah we were productive but the stress
yeah we were productive but the stress of running charity is really beginning
of running charity is really beginning
of running charity is really beginning to mount and I was literally developing
to mount and I was literally developing
to mount and I was literally developing a super hero complex believing for no
a super hero complex believing for no
a super hero complex believing for no good reason that I should be working
good reason that I should be working
good reason that I should be working longer and harder than anyone else and
longer and harder than anyone else and
longer and harder than anyone else and this was starting to affect my artwork
this was starting to affect my artwork
this was starting to affect my artwork message to you see I felt like I had
message to you see I felt like I had
message to you see I felt like I had something to say but most importantly I
something to say but most importantly I
something to say but most importantly I had the moral high ground to shout it
had the moral high ground to shout it
had the moral high ground to shout it from they said these two are from a
from they said these two are from a
from they said these two are from a series of portraits I created of some of
series of portraits I created of some of
series of portraits I created of some of the kids from our schools and directly
the kids from our schools and directly
the kids from our schools and directly onto celebrity magazine covers and I
onto celebrity magazine covers and I
onto celebrity magazine covers and I really wanted to highlight just how
really wanted to highlight just how
really wanted to highlight just how ridiculous I thought all our interests
ridiculous I thought all our interests
ridiculous I thought all our interests were particularly when compared to their
were particularly when compared to their
were particularly when compared to their relative suffering
relative suffering
relative suffering I was very righteous the frivolous West
I was very righteous the frivolous West
I was very righteous the frivolous West is evil amen I win
is evil amen I win
is evil amen I win except I wasn’t winning because guess
except I wasn’t winning because guess
except I wasn’t winning because guess what people don’t really want artwork
what people don’t really want artwork
what people don’t really want artwork that makes me feel terrible go figure
that makes me feel terrible go figure
that makes me feel terrible go figure and in a similar vein there’s only so
and in a similar vein there’s only so
and in a similar vein there’s only so many hard-hitting charity emergencies we
many hard-hitting charity emergencies we
many hard-hitting charity emergencies we can all hear before we become shut down
can all hear before we become shut down
can all hear before we become shut down to them so in short I became completely
to them so in short I became completely
to them so in short I became completely run down and more anxious than ever so
run down and more anxious than ever so
run down and more anxious than ever so something had to change I took some time
something had to change I took some time
something had to change I took some time out and started seeing some interesting
out and started seeing some interesting
out and started seeing some interesting parallels between myself my artwork and
parallels between myself my artwork and
parallels between myself my artwork and the charity that wasn’t blessed with
the charity that wasn’t blessed with
the charity that wasn’t blessed with amazing insights of introspection by the
amazing insights of introspection by the
amazing insights of introspection by the way I had some it’s very helpful therapy
way I had some it’s very helpful therapy
way I had some it’s very helpful therapy at a time and I realized that I cared a
at a time and I realized that I cared a
at a time and I realized that I cared a lot but the way I was going about things
lot but the way I was going about things
lot but the way I was going about things was unproductive and this was definitely
was unproductive and this was definitely
was unproductive and this was definitely unsustainable and one of the main
unsustainable and one of the main
unsustainable and one of the main reasons for that was my standards were
reasons for that was my standards were
reasons for that was my standards were just too damn high but if the standards
just too damn high but if the standards
just too damn high but if the standards I was putting on myself but also the
I was putting on myself but also the
I was putting on myself but also the standards I was demanding of everyone
standards I was demanding of everyone
standards I was demanding of everyone else and this really hit home for me
else and this really hit home for me
else and this really hit home for me when one evening I was watching TV and a
when one evening I was watching TV and a
when one evening I was watching TV and a couple of charity efforts came on back
couple of charity efforts came on back
couple of charity efforts came on back to back and I cared but I didn’t take
to back and I cared but I didn’t take
to back and I cared but I didn’t take any action yet there I was getting
any action yet there I was getting
any action yet there I was getting really annoyed with all off fund raisers
really annoyed with all off fund raisers
really annoyed with all off fund raisers for not raising enough money I was a bit
for not raising enough money I was a bit
for not raising enough money I was a bit of a hypocrite so became curious about
of a hypocrite so became curious about
of a hypocrite so became curious about what mechanisms in me led to giving but
what mechanisms in me led to giving but
what mechanisms in me led to giving but also what what shut me down to it you
also what what shut me down to it you
also what what shut me down to it you see I’ve met all the kids in our schools
see I’ve met all the kids in our schools
see I’ve met all the kids in our schools and I’ve seen where they lived and I
and I’ve seen where they lived and I
and I’ve seen where they lived and I just didn’t have that same connection
just didn’t have that same connection
just didn’t have that same connection with these two these adverts are sitting
with these two these adverts are sitting
with these two these adverts are sitting on TV and that’s just kind of obvious
on TV and that’s just kind of obvious
on TV and that’s just kind of obvious right it’s just human nature
right it’s just human nature
right it’s just human nature you see we’ve evolved in these really
you see we’ve evolved in these really
you see we’ve evolved in these really small communities where we respond a lot
small communities where we respond a lot
small communities where we respond a lot more positively to intimate one-to-one
more positively to intimate one-to-one
more positively to intimate one-to-one interactions now this is described a lot
interactions now this is described a lot
interactions now this is described a lot more eloquently by Peter Singer in a lot
more eloquently by Peter Singer in a lot
more eloquently by Peter Singer in a lot of his writing but particularly for me
of his writing but particularly for me
of his writing but particularly for me the book the life you can save which I
the book the life you can save which I
the book the life you can save which I can’t recommend highly enough and he
can’t recommend highly enough and he
can’t recommend highly enough and he actually outlines some of these barriers
actually outlines some of these barriers
actually outlines some of these barriers to giving that we all experience now I
to giving that we all experience now I
to giving that we all experience now I won’t go into that too much here but
won’t go into that too much here but
won’t go into that too much here but suffice to say that I didn’t know
suffice to say that I didn’t know
suffice to say that I didn’t know everything and I didn’t care the most
everything and I didn’t care the most
everything and I didn’t care the most but most importantly that was kind of
but most importantly that was kind of
but most importantly that was kind of alright like I maybe just keep myself a
alright like I maybe just keep myself a
alright like I maybe just keep myself a bit of a break and so from there our
bit of a break and so from there our
bit of a break and so from there our fundraising communications it became a
fundraising communications it became a
fundraising communications it became a lot more open and less shaming and I
lot more open and less shaming and I
lot more open and less shaming and I stopped thinking that everything rested
stopped thinking that everything rested
stopped thinking that everything rested on me at least for a while and quite
on me at least for a while and quite
on me at least for a while and quite frankly I became a little
frankly I became a little
frankly I became a little less preachy and this new spirit of
less preachy and this new spirit of
less preachy and this new spirit of curiosity was having a positive impact
curiosity was having a positive impact
curiosity was having a positive impact on my artwork – you see I realized that
on my artwork – you see I realized that
on my artwork – you see I realized that my art could be inspired by the charity
my art could be inspired by the charity
my art could be inspired by the charity but didn’t have to be a campaign for the
but didn’t have to be a campaign for the
but didn’t have to be a campaign for the charity and that was a big realization
charity and that was a big realization
charity and that was a big realization for me because as an artist is so much
for me because as an artist is so much
for me because as an artist is so much more enjoyable to observe the world in
more enjoyable to observe the world in
more enjoyable to observe the world in your place in it rather than be pointing
your place in it rather than be pointing
your place in it rather than be pointing your finger at it all the time and I
your finger at it all the time and I
your finger at it all the time and I think this is you can see this in some
think this is you can see this in some
think this is you can see this in some of my later work clearly influenced by
of my later work clearly influenced by
of my later work clearly influenced by the charity and here is Ron but I think
the charity and here is Ron but I think
the charity and here is Ron but I think these species these pieces speak a lot
these species these pieces speak a lot
these species these pieces speak a lot more to stealing I was saying from my
more to stealing I was saying from my
more to stealing I was saying from my childhood of feeling like I had to mask
childhood of feeling like I had to mask
childhood of feeling like I had to mask my feelings and create these alter egos
my feelings and create these alter egos
my feelings and create these alter egos in order to feel safe and because I’ve
in order to feel safe and because I’ve
in order to feel safe and because I’ve been more open in my artwork people were
been more open in my artwork people were
been more open in my artwork people were starting to respond to it a lot more
starting to respond to it a lot more
starting to respond to it a lot more positively which was great because I
positively which was great because I
positively which was great because I started getting a bit more success and I
started getting a bit more success and I
started getting a bit more success and I could pay some down bills and so just
could pay some down bills and so just
could pay some down bills and so just for a while I sort of carried on a
for a while I sort of carried on a
for a while I sort of carried on a little bit more of an even keel now
little bit more of an even keel now
little bit more of an even keel now things changed again in 2017 when we
things changed again in 2017 when we
things changed again in 2017 when we realized that the heroes Run was no
realized that the heroes Run was no
realized that the heroes Run was no longer sustainable
longer sustainable
longer sustainable we’d had a fantastic run with it but the
we’d had a fantastic run with it but the
we’d had a fantastic run with it but the reality was that the expenses were going
reality was that the expenses were going
reality was that the expenses were going up the fundraising was going down but
up the fundraising was going down but
up the fundraising was going down but most importantly in the amount of time I
most importantly in the amount of time I
most importantly in the amount of time I had to do anything about it was less
had to do anything about it was less
had to do anything about it was less than ever our team had shrunk – because
than ever our team had shrunk – because
than ever our team had shrunk – because inevitably people’s professional lives
inevitably people’s professional lives
inevitably people’s professional lives had taken over we began this in our
had taken over we began this in our
had taken over we began this in our early 20s when we all had a lot of
early 20s when we all had a lot of
early 20s when we all had a lot of airtime so now it was just my wife and I
airtime so now it was just my wife and I
airtime so now it was just my wife and I running the charity and soberly and
running the charity and soberly and
running the charity and soberly and objectively we thought maybe we’ve taken
objectively we thought maybe we’ve taken
objectively we thought maybe we’ve taken this as far as we can and so it was time
this as far as we can and so it was time
this as far as we can and so it was time to shut the charity down but I wasn’t
to shut the charity down but I wasn’t
to shut the charity down but I wasn’t letting go see I felt really vulnerable
letting go see I felt really vulnerable
letting go see I felt really vulnerable about the mask of the charity what if
about the mask of the charity what if
about the mask of the charity what if I’m not good enough about it remember
I’m not good enough about it remember
I’m not good enough about it remember that unhelpful relationship I spoke
that unhelpful relationship I spoke
that unhelpful relationship I spoke about caring too much I was still
about caring too much I was still
about caring too much I was still hanging on so I came really became
hanging on so I came really became
hanging on so I came really became really hard on myself again I started
really hard on myself again I started
really hard on myself again I started saying things like you just need to work
saying things like you just need to work
saying things like you just need to work harder you can make this work you just
harder you can make this work you just
harder you can make this work you just got to put more effort in and I became
got to put more effort in and I became
got to put more effort in and I became really anxious again but what had I
really anxious again but what had I
really anxious again but what had I learned about masks and compassion maybe
learned about masks and compassion maybe
learned about masks and compassion maybe it’s about that about set out the right
it’s about that about set out the right
it’s about that about set out the right time to show myself a bit of compassion
time to show myself a bit of compassion
time to show myself a bit of compassion and was finally able to see the true
and was finally able to see the true
and was finally able to see the true value in what we’d created and pass it
value in what we’d created and pass it
value in what we’d created and pass it on
on
on so in 2017 we gave the heroes one to
so in 2017 we gave the heroes one to
so in 2017 we gave the heroes one to another great charity called rise UK a
another great charity called rise UK a
another great charity called rise UK a charity with a brilliant fundraising
charity with a brilliant fundraising
charity with a brilliant fundraising interest in infrastructure that can
interest in infrastructure that can
interest in infrastructure that can really capitalize on the potential of
really capitalize on the potential of
really capitalize on the potential of the race though I’m still helping them
the race though I’m still helping them
the race though I’m still helping them with all the artwork and design and the
with all the artwork and design and the
with all the artwork and design and the event set up because that’s quite easy
event set up because that’s quite easy
event set up because that’s quite easy for me I’ve done it for 13 years and in
for me I’ve done it for 13 years and in
for me I’ve done it for 13 years and in return I’m choosing five African aid
return I’m choosing five African aid
return I’m choosing five African aid charities to have free places in the
charities to have free places in the
charities to have free places in the race the simple equation is that for
race the simple equation is that for
race the simple equation is that for about 10 percent of my effort probably a
about 10 percent of my effort probably a
about 10 percent of my effort probably a five-fold increase in fundraising can
five-fold increase in fundraising can
five-fold increase in fundraising can take place you see I’m not spending
take place you see I’m not spending
take place you see I’m not spending hundreds of hours trying to run espera
hundreds of hours trying to run espera
hundreds of hours trying to run espera to run a charity in my spare time I’m
to run a charity in my spare time I’m
to run a charity in my spare time I’m spending that time being an artist
spending that time being an artist
spending that time being an artist instead and because I’m getting more
instead and because I’m getting more
instead and because I’m getting more success as an artist I can now use my
success as an artist I can now use my
success as an artist I can now use my artwork to support other charities
artwork to support other charities
artwork to support other charities charities that will run a lot more
charities that will run a lot more
charities that will run a lot more effectively and efficiently than the one
effectively and efficiently than the one
effectively and efficiently than the one I was working so hard to try and keep
I was working so hard to try and keep
I was working so hard to try and keep going my do-gooding can reach a lot
going my do-gooding can reach a lot
going my do-gooding can reach a lot further now that I’ve taken off my mask
further now that I’ve taken off my mask
further now that I’ve taken off my mask now what i don’t–i leave you today is
now what i don’t–i leave you today is
now what i don’t–i leave you today is the thought that anything I think that
the thought that anything I think that
the thought that anything I think that I’ve done that’s been good it’s just
I’ve done that’s been good it’s just
I’ve done that’s been good it’s just been to leave yet my anxiety because I
been to leave yet my anxiety because I
been to leave yet my anxiety because I think that I’d be doing myself a
think that I’d be doing myself a
think that I’d be doing myself a disservice but what I do want to view
disservice but what I do want to view
disservice but what I do want to view live today is one simple idea now you’ve
live today is one simple idea now you’ve
live today is one simple idea now you’ve probably heard me say these phrases a
probably heard me say these phrases a
probably heard me say these phrases a couple of times already today
couple of times already today
couple of times already today productivity and sustainability and
productivity and sustainability and
productivity and sustainability and there’s nothing new here we often think
there’s nothing new here we often think
there’s nothing new here we often think of these in terms of business where the
of these in terms of business where the
of these in terms of business where the red area can work for or profit or
red area can work for or profit or
red area can work for or profit or long-term success but what I invite you
long-term success but what I invite you
long-term success but what I invite you today do today is think of these terms
today do today is think of these terms
today do today is think of these terms in the context of the Weibull care being
in the context of the Weibull care being
in the context of the Weibull care being mindful of our thoughts and feelings
mindful of our thoughts and feelings
mindful of our thoughts and feelings which are really complicated and embrace
which are really complicated and embrace
which are really complicated and embrace the caring sweet spot we all care we
the caring sweet spot we all care we
the caring sweet spot we all care we care a lot caring is important let’s
care a lot caring is important let’s
care a lot caring is important let’s take it seriously what I’ve described
take it seriously what I’ve described
take it seriously what I’ve described today has been my meandering fumbling
today has been my meandering fumbling
today has been my meandering fumbling journey towards becoming more careful
journey towards becoming more careful
journey towards becoming more careful how I care now when I care about
how I care now when I care about
how I care now when I care about something and all those thoughts and
something and all those thoughts and
something and all those thoughts and feelings are rushing around in my head
feelings are rushing around in my head
feelings are rushing around in my head before I act I try I don’t always
before I act I try I don’t always
before I act I try I don’t always succeed but I try it’s asked myself just
succeed but I try it’s asked myself just
succeed but I try it’s asked myself just a couple
a couple
a couple questions first is what I’m about to do
questions first is what I’m about to do
questions first is what I’m about to do going to be productive is it going to be
going to be productive is it going to be
going to be productive is it going to be sustainable am I going to hit the caring
sustainable am I going to hit the caring
sustainable am I going to hit the caring sweet spot if I can answer yes to those
sweet spot if I can answer yes to those
sweet spot if I can answer yes to those questions I can be fairly confident that
questions I can be fairly confident that
questions I can be fairly confident that my do-gooding can be its goodest
my do-gooding can be its goodest
my do-gooding can be its goodest hopefully this can help you guys too
hopefully this can help you guys too
hopefully this can help you guys too thanks for listening
thanks for listening
thanks for listening [Applause]
”
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