are you a boy or a girl that’s a question I got all the time
that’s a question I got all the time
that’s a question I got all the time when I was a little kid are you a boy or
when I was a little kid are you a boy or
when I was a little kid are you a boy or a girl it was a question that delighted
a girl it was a question that delighted
a girl it was a question that delighted me and scared me and Confused me and
me and scared me and Confused me and
me and scared me and Confused me and annoyed me pretty much in equal measure
annoyed me pretty much in equal measure
annoyed me pretty much in equal measure it delighted me because if someone was
it delighted me because if someone was
it delighted me because if someone was asking me that question it meant at
asking me that question it meant at
asking me that question it meant at least I didn’t look totally like a girl
least I didn’t look totally like a girl
least I didn’t look totally like a girl but it scared me because I wasn’t sure
but it scared me because I wasn’t sure
but it scared me because I wasn’t sure what that meant why didn’t I look like
what that meant why didn’t I look like
what that meant why didn’t I look like other girls but mostly it really just
other girls but mostly it really just
other girls but mostly it really just annoyed me because I had no idea how I
annoyed me because I had no idea how I
annoyed me because I had no idea how I was supposed to answer that question
was supposed to answer that question
was supposed to answer that question when I was a kid I just didn’t have any
when I was a kid I just didn’t have any
when I was a kid I just didn’t have any words aside from boy or girl the best
words aside from boy or girl the best
words aside from boy or girl the best answer I could give was different and
answer I could give was different and
answer I could give was different and that didn’t begin to get at the depth or
that didn’t begin to get at the depth or
that didn’t begin to get at the depth or nuance of what I felt I mean when we
nuance of what I felt I mean when we
nuance of what I felt I mean when we call something different or weird or
call something different or weird or
call something different or weird or strange it means we don’t understand it
strange it means we don’t understand it
strange it means we don’t understand it when we know something when we care
when we know something when we care
when we know something when we care about it when we love it
about it when we love it
about it when we love it we give it a name I can remember being a
we give it a name I can remember being a
we give it a name I can remember being a really little kid and going to bed at
really little kid and going to bed at
really little kid and going to bed at night and pulling the covers over my
night and pulling the covers over my
night and pulling the covers over my head and praying to God to make me a boy
head and praying to God to make me a boy
head and praying to God to make me a boy it would take years and years for me to
it would take years and years for me to
it would take years and years for me to figure out I didn’t need to be made into
figure out I didn’t need to be made into
figure out I didn’t need to be made into someone else I just needed better words
someone else I just needed better words
someone else I just needed better words and it would be until I was seventeen
and it would be until I was seventeen
and it would be until I was seventeen until I finally found the first right
until I finally found the first right
until I finally found the first right word and that word was transgender and
word and that word was transgender and
word and that word was transgender and it showed me just the magic that the
it showed me just the magic that the
it showed me just the magic that the right word can accomplish how it can
right word can accomplish how it can
right word can accomplish how it can unlock something inside yourself how the
unlock something inside yourself how the
unlock something inside yourself how the right word can validate and permit allow
right word can validate and permit allow
right word can validate and permit allow something to be the best thing about
something to be the best thing about
something to be the best thing about transgender it gave me an answer to that
transgender it gave me an answer to that
transgender it gave me an answer to that question are you a boy or a girl
question are you a boy or a girl
question are you a boy or a girl yes I’m transgender
yes I’m transgender
yes I’m transgender people don’t always like that answer and
people don’t always like that answer and
people don’t always like that answer and in the 22 years since I came out as
in the 22 years since I came out as
in the 22 years since I came out as transgender I’ve spent a lot of time
transgender I’ve spent a lot of time
transgender I’ve spent a lot of time discussing and debating and thinking
discussing and debating and thinking
discussing and debating and thinking about that term so in 1995 when I came
about that term so in 1995 when I came
about that term so in 1995 when I came out transgender was pretty much a brand
out transgender was pretty much a brand
out transgender was pretty much a brand new word and it replaced language like
new word and it replaced language like
new word and it replaced language like transsexual transvestite crossdresser
transsexual transvestite crossdresser
transsexual transvestite crossdresser terms that now seem archaic and
terms that now seem archaic and
terms that now seem archaic and hopefully obsolete but in the years
hopefully obsolete but in the years
hopefully obsolete but in the years since then as you may have noticed
since then as you may have noticed
since then as you may have noticed there’s been a sort of explosion of
there’s been a sort of explosion of
there’s been a sort of explosion of terminology around gender
terminology around gender
terminology around gender we’ve got terms like non-binary gender
we’ve got terms like non-binary gender
we’ve got terms like non-binary gender non-conforming gender fluid gender queer
non-conforming gender fluid gender queer
non-conforming gender fluid gender queer gender expansive third gender a gender
gender expansive third gender a gender
gender expansive third gender a gender and probably a lot more that I haven’t
and probably a lot more that I haven’t
and probably a lot more that I haven’t heard of and as I go around the nation
heard of and as I go around the nation
heard of and as I go around the nation and give talks on gender identity I
and give talks on gender identity I
and give talks on gender identity I frequently encounter some hostility and
frequently encounter some hostility and
frequently encounter some hostility and resentment towards all these terms like
resentment towards all these terms like
resentment towards all these terms like the attitude of people is why can’t you
the attitude of people is why can’t you
the attitude of people is why can’t you just make up your minds why isn’t
just make up your minds why isn’t
just make up your minds why isn’t transgender good enough do you really
transgender good enough do you really
transgender good enough do you really need more terms people even say it makes
need more terms people even say it makes
need more terms people even say it makes you guys guys seem silly and frivolous
you guys guys seem silly and frivolous
you guys guys seem silly and frivolous if you keep making up these these new
if you keep making up these these new
if you keep making up these these new words I’ve given talks and heard an
words I’ve given talks and heard an
words I’ve given talks and heard an audible groan from the audience when I
audible groan from the audience when I
audible groan from the audience when I add another letter to the lgbtqia+
add another letter to the lgbtqia+
add another letter to the lgbtqia+ acronym and I can understand it can be
acronym and I can understand it can be
acronym and I can understand it can be confusing you can probably be annoying
confusing you can probably be annoying
confusing you can probably be annoying or even overwhelming but I hope I can
or even overwhelming but I hope I can
or even overwhelming but I hope I can convince you that this proliferation of
convince you that this proliferation of
convince you that this proliferation of language is extremely important language
language is extremely important language
language is extremely important language is so powerful why is that I think it’s
is so powerful why is that I think it’s
is so powerful why is that I think it’s because language is deeply tied to human
because language is deeply tied to human
because language is deeply tied to human nature our brains are patterned to learn
nature our brains are patterned to learn
nature our brains are patterned to learn use and acquire language and the flip of
use and acquire language and the flip of
use and acquire language and the flip of that is true as well as we learn use and
that is true as well as we learn use and
that is true as well as we learn use and acquire language it patterns our brains
acquire language it patterns our brains
acquire language it patterns our brains it creates new mental grooves that we
it creates new mental grooves that we
it creates new mental grooves that we can think along and I love to think of
can think along and I love to think of
can think along and I love to think of this incredible feedback loop working
this incredible feedback loop working
this incredible feedback loop working around gender identity the synergy of it
around gender identity the synergy of it
around gender identity the synergy of it we create all these new terms
we create all these new terms
we create all these new terms we employ them they become part of our
we employ them they become part of our
we employ them they become part of our daily vocabulary and they generate
daily vocabulary and they generate
daily vocabulary and they generate within us a new perception and a new
within us a new perception and a new
within us a new perception and a new adaptive adaptability around gender
adaptive adaptability around gender
adaptive adaptability around gender identity and it doesn’t just happen for
identity and it doesn’t just happen for
identity and it doesn’t just happen for each of us individual but Colette
each of us individual but Colette
each of us individual but Colette actively as a society we use these new
actively as a society we use these new
actively as a society we use these new terms and we start to have a new
terms and we start to have a new
terms and we start to have a new appreciation and understanding of gender
appreciation and understanding of gender
appreciation and understanding of gender I will admit that sometimes I feel like
I will admit that sometimes I feel like
I will admit that sometimes I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle as I try
I’m fighting an uphill battle as I try
I’m fighting an uphill battle as I try to get people to adopt new terminology
to get people to adopt new terminology
to get people to adopt new terminology the pushback I most often hear is labels
the pushback I most often hear is labels
the pushback I most often hear is labels are terrible they’re really dangerous
are terrible they’re really dangerous
are terrible they’re really dangerous and we shouldn’t be trying to shove
and we shouldn’t be trying to shove
and we shouldn’t be trying to shove people into boxes okay duly noted my
people into boxes okay duly noted my
people into boxes okay duly noted my position is this labels are really great
position is this labels are really great
position is this labels are really great labels actually save lives let me give
labels actually save lives let me give
labels actually save lives let me give you a historical example of this if we
you a historical example of this if we
you a historical example of this if we go back to the Middle Ages we arrived at
go back to the Middle Ages we arrived at
go back to the Middle Ages we arrived at a time when there is no word for
a time when there is no word for
a time when there is no word for homosexuality and no understanding of
homosexuality and no understanding of
homosexuality and no understanding of gayness as an identity sexual
gayness as an identity sexual
gayness as an identity sexual orientation as a part of who we are as a
orientation as a part of who we are as a
orientation as a part of who we are as a human being at the rare times I mean
human being at the rare times I mean
human being at the rare times I mean okay there’s the knowledge that
okay there’s the knowledge that
okay there’s the knowledge that sometimes men have sex with men and to a
sometimes men have sex with men and to a
sometimes men have sex with men and to a lesser extent that sometimes women have
lesser extent that sometimes women have
lesser extent that sometimes women have sex with women but to the extent that
sex with women but to the extent that
sex with women but to the extent that this is even spoken about or written
this is even spoken about or written
this is even spoken about or written about it’s with such unhelpful terms as
about it’s with such unhelpful terms as
about it’s with such unhelpful terms as that unspeakable sin or the
that unspeakable sin or the
that unspeakable sin or the unmentionable vice if you had been a
unmentionable vice if you had been a
unmentionable vice if you had been a person who had slept with another man
person who had slept with another man
person who had slept with another man and you went into the confession you
and you went into the confession you
and you went into the confession you would confess to the sin of Liguria
would confess to the sin of Liguria
would confess to the sin of Liguria which is a kind of catch-all broad term
which is a kind of catch-all broad term
which is a kind of catch-all broad term for a whole manner of sexual sins I’m
for a whole manner of sexual sins I’m
for a whole manner of sexual sins I’m telling you this because it’s actually
telling you this because it’s actually
telling you this because it’s actually through the confessional that we begin
through the confessional that we begin
through the confessional that we begin to see language around sexuality kind of
to see language around sexuality kind of
to see language around sexuality kind of strange but there was a problem in the
strange but there was a problem in the
strange but there was a problem in the Middle Ages these people would come in
Middle Ages these people would come in
Middle Ages these people would come in and confess the Luxuria and the priests
and confess the Luxuria and the priests
and confess the Luxuria and the priests would be put in an extremely awkward
would be put in an extremely awkward
would be put in an extremely awkward position the priest would then have to
position the priest would then have to
position the priest would then have to ask a series of questions in order to
ask a series of questions in order to
ask a series of questions in order to determine the right penance what exactly
determine the right penance what exactly
determine the right penance what exactly did you do
did you do
did you do who did you do it with where were you
who did you do it with where were you
who did you do it with where were you and if the person was not forthcoming
and if the person was not forthcoming
and if the person was not forthcoming the priest would have to push a little
the priest would have to push a little
the priest would have to push a little bit look I need to know did you do this
bit look I need to know did you do this
bit look I need to know did you do this or that and you can see that this would
or that and you can see that this would
or that and you can see that this would not only be an awkward line of
not only be an awkward line of
not only be an awkward line of questioning for a priest but might put
questioning for a priest but might put
questioning for a priest but might put ideas into the person’s head I didn’t do
ideas into the person’s head I didn’t do
ideas into the person’s head I didn’t do that but it sounds like a really good I
that but it sounds like a really good I
that but it sounds like a really good I time I’m gonna try that
time I’m gonna try that
time I’m gonna try that so to circumvent this problem the
so to circumvent this problem the
so to circumvent this problem the priests made up a subdivision
priests made up a subdivision
priests made up a subdivision of this category luxurious and one of
of this category luxurious and one of
of this category luxurious and one of the subdivisions was sodomy it’s a truly
the subdivisions was sodomy it’s a truly
the subdivisions was sodomy it’s a truly terrible word it’s been used to condone
terrible word it’s been used to condone
terrible word it’s been used to condone a lot of violence against gay people but
a lot of violence against gay people but
a lot of violence against gay people but it also did something amazing and
it also did something amazing and
it also did something amazing and positive it made something out of
positive it made something out of
positive it made something out of nothing
nothing
nothing it put a word to a concept and made that
it put a word to a concept and made that
it put a word to a concept and made that concept exist where prior to that there
concept exist where prior to that there
concept exist where prior to that there had been this void within our language
had been this void within our language
had been this void within our language and within our minds and pretty quickly
and within our minds and pretty quickly
and within our minds and pretty quickly after that word sodomy is invented we
after that word sodomy is invented we
after that word sodomy is invented we see people begin to begin to use that to
see people begin to begin to use that to
see people begin to begin to use that to refer to themselves and actually to
refer to themselves and actually to
refer to themselves and actually to collect and gather other people labels
collect and gather other people labels
collect and gather other people labels create solidarity labels allow
create solidarity labels allow
create solidarity labels allow communities to exist in my own life that
communities to exist in my own life that
communities to exist in my own life that label was transgender when I was a kid
label was transgender when I was a kid
label was transgender when I was a kid it felt like there was something wrong
it felt like there was something wrong
it felt like there was something wrong with me that I was the abnormal one and
with me that I was the abnormal one and
with me that I was the abnormal one and there was no other explanation for it I
there was no other explanation for it I
there was no other explanation for it I was just weird but when I found that
was just weird but when I found that
was just weird but when I found that label transgender and when I found other
label transgender and when I found other
label transgender and when I found other transgender people all of a sudden I
transgender people all of a sudden I
transgender people all of a sudden I knew that word let me see this is about
knew that word let me see this is about
knew that word let me see this is about much more than just me this is not
much more than just me this is not
much more than just me this is not something that’s going on in my head so
something that’s going on in my head so
something that’s going on in my head so I hope will embrace the power of labels
I hope will embrace the power of labels
I hope will embrace the power of labels I hope that we’ll see that even though
I hope that we’ll see that even though
I hope that we’ll see that even though language carries this historical weight
language carries this historical weight
language carries this historical weight and we feel that we have to follow the
and we feel that we have to follow the
and we feel that we have to follow the rules of grammar that really language
rules of grammar that really language
rules of grammar that really language serves our needs language serves us and
serves our needs language serves us and
serves our needs language serves us and we should invent new words and we should
we should invent new words and we should
we should invent new words and we should change the rules if they’re not fitting
change the rules if they’re not fitting
change the rules if they’re not fitting us I love how the lgbtq+ community has
us I love how the lgbtq+ community has
us I love how the lgbtq+ community has repurposed old words how they’ve taken
repurposed old words how they’ve taken
repurposed old words how they’ve taken terms like queer that used to have a
terms like queer that used to have a
terms like queer that used to have a negative connotation and turn it into
negative connotation and turn it into
negative connotation and turn it into something positive
something positive
something positive I love how they’ve just pushed aside
I love how they’ve just pushed aside
I love how they’ve just pushed aside terms like transsexual and homosexual
terms like transsexual and homosexual
terms like transsexual and homosexual words that have been used to medical
words that have been used to medical
words that have been used to medical eyes and other us and I love how the
eyes and other us and I love how the
eyes and other us and I love how the language around gender has just exploded
language around gender has just exploded
language around gender has just exploded and taken on a whole new bunch of forms
and taken on a whole new bunch of forms
and taken on a whole new bunch of forms and I’m optimistic that we can embrace
and I’m optimistic that we can embrace
and I’m optimistic that we can embrace that I think we need to recognize that
that I think we need to recognize that
that I think we need to recognize that language is something that doesn’t just
language is something that doesn’t just
language is something that doesn’t just describe or explain reality it changes
describe or explain reality it changes
describe or explain reality it changes reality
reality
reality language is revolutionary
language is revolutionary
language is revolutionary [Applause]
”
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