[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] hello everybody I’m Susanna I want to
hello everybody I’m Susanna I want to
hello everybody I’m Susanna I want to start by telling you that as I walked in
start by telling you that as I walked in
start by telling you that as I walked in this room
this room
this room I really thought an earthquake was
I really thought an earthquake was
I really thought an earthquake was happening and then I realized it was my
happening and then I realized it was my
happening and then I realized it was my knees shaking I want to start by saying
knees shaking I want to start by saying
knees shaking I want to start by saying a great big thank you to TEDx for having
a great big thank you to TEDx for having
a great big thank you to TEDx for having me here today
me here today
me here today but I also want to say a great big thank
but I also want to say a great big thank
but I also want to say a great big thank you to my husband without him I wouldn’t
you to my husband without him I wouldn’t
you to my husband without him I wouldn’t be here no really I wouldn’t be see
be here no really I wouldn’t be see
be here no really I wouldn’t be see ahead of me here I am absolutely
ahead of me here I am absolutely
ahead of me here I am absolutely terrible with directions and I hate
terrible with directions and I hate
terrible with directions and I hate going places I haven’t been before I’m
going places I haven’t been before I’m
going places I haven’t been before I’m terrible with directions and I can get
terrible with directions and I can get
terrible with directions and I can get easily lost the thought of entering
easily lost the thought of entering
easily lost the thought of entering unknown territory makes me so nervous
unknown territory makes me so nervous
unknown territory makes me so nervous I’m the kind of person who always wants
I’m the kind of person who always wants
I’m the kind of person who always wants one of those GPS things that’ll tell me
one of those GPS things that’ll tell me
one of those GPS things that’ll tell me precisely where to go and how to get
precisely where to go and how to get
precisely where to go and how to get there
there
there I’m kind of like that in life anyone
I’m kind of like that in life anyone
I’m kind of like that in life anyone identify I always have some sort of plan
identify I always have some sort of plan
identify I always have some sort of plan some sort of idea of how things will go
some sort of idea of how things will go
some sort of idea of how things will go and the thought of having absolutely no
and the thought of having absolutely no
and the thought of having absolutely no control of something and just sitting
control of something and just sitting
control of something and just sitting back and surrendering nope
back and surrendering nope
back and surrendering nope That’s not me but it’s fun in life even
That’s not me but it’s fun in life even
That’s not me but it’s fun in life even though you may have a GPS giving you the
though you may have a GPS giving you the
though you may have a GPS giving you the sense that you have some direction of
sense that you have some direction of
sense that you have some direction of where you’re going something totally
where you’re going something totally
where you’re going something totally unpredictable might happen you might end
unpredictable might happen you might end
unpredictable might happen you might end up losing the signal or you might go to
up losing the signal or you might go to
up losing the signal or you might go to a dead end or the battery might go dead
a dead end or the battery might go dead
a dead end or the battery might go dead or it might just end up taking you
or it might just end up taking you
or it might just end up taking you somewhere where you least expect it
somewhere where you least expect it
somewhere where you least expect it sounds familiar a bit like life doesn’t
sounds familiar a bit like life doesn’t
sounds familiar a bit like life doesn’t it well there’s many times in life that
it well there’s many times in life that
it well there’s many times in life that you might be in a situation where you’re
you might be in a situation where you’re
you might be in a situation where you’re just left wondering where on earth is
just left wondering where on earth is
just left wondering where on earth is this taking me so as we understand I
this taking me so as we understand I
this taking me so as we understand I like to have control and
I hate being in situations where I don’t
I hate being in situations where I don’t but even though sometimes we may have
but even though sometimes we may have
but even though sometimes we may have things planned life doesn’t always go
things planned life doesn’t always go
things planned life doesn’t always go the way we expect it all those feelings
the way we expect it all those feelings
the way we expect it all those feelings of going down an unknown Road well that
of going down an unknown Road well that
of going down an unknown Road well that was a road that me and my husband
was a road that me and my husband
was a road that me and my husband unexpectedly entered a few years after
unexpectedly entered a few years after
unexpectedly entered a few years after marriage happily married since 2010 we
marriage happily married since 2010 we
marriage happily married since 2010 we were eager to have children of our own
were eager to have children of our own
were eager to have children of our own but things didn’t go as expected at 2012
but things didn’t go as expected at 2012
but things didn’t go as expected at 2012 we decided to start a family who would
we decided to start a family who would
we decided to start a family who would have known of all the years of fertility
have known of all the years of fertility
have known of all the years of fertility treatments and IV s that were just
treatments and IV s that were just
treatments and IV s that were just laying ahead of us
laying ahead of us
laying ahead of us oddly as the years went by we persevered
oddly as the years went by we persevered
oddly as the years went by we persevered but sadly after five failed attempts and
but sadly after five failed attempts and
but sadly after five failed attempts and many miscarriages later me and my
many miscarriages later me and my
many miscarriages later me and my husband were left feeling at loss after
husband were left feeling at loss after
husband were left feeling at loss after our six failed IVF treatment I was
our six failed IVF treatment I was
our six failed IVF treatment I was bruised from the injections and beaten
bruised from the injections and beaten
bruised from the injections and beaten up on the inside
up on the inside
up on the inside doctors proceeded to tell me that I
doctors proceeded to tell me that I
doctors proceeded to tell me that I can’t carry my own children and
can’t carry my own children and
can’t carry my own children and basically we should just give up trying
basically we should just give up trying
basically we should just give up trying he then proceeded to recommend the
he then proceeded to recommend the
he then proceeded to recommend the choice of gestational surrogacy I was
choice of gestational surrogacy I was
choice of gestational surrogacy I was left feeling shocked inadequate a total
left feeling shocked inadequate a total
left feeling shocked inadequate a total failure like I can’t carry my children I
failure like I can’t carry my children I
failure like I can’t carry my children I felt at loss gestational surrogacy is
felt at loss gestational surrogacy is
felt at loss gestational surrogacy is when another woman carries your
when another woman carries your
when another woman carries your biological children it was a road we
biological children it was a road we
biological children it was a road we never intended to go down and it surely
never intended to go down and it surely
never intended to go down and it surely wasn’t something we were expecting or
wasn’t something we were expecting or
wasn’t something we were expecting or even thinking of during those hard times
even thinking of during those hard times
even thinking of during those hard times there was a verse that stood out for me
there was a verse that stood out for me
there was a verse that stood out for me it was my comfort in reassurance as it
it was my comfort in reassurance as it
it was my comfort in reassurance as it played in my mind again and again
can I please have my slides okay thank
can I please have my slides okay thank you bestow on them a crown of beauty
you bestow on them a crown of beauty
you bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes the oil of joy instead
instead of ashes the oil of joy instead
instead of ashes the oil of joy instead of mourning and a garment of praise
of mourning and a garment of praise
of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair you know
instead of a spirit of despair you know
instead of a spirit of despair you know in life there are so many roads that are
in life there are so many roads that are
in life there are so many roads that are actually heading your exact direction
actually heading your exact direction
actually heading your exact direction taking you to your destination but
taking you to your destination but
taking you to your destination but because you always thought we knew which
because you always thought we knew which
because you always thought we knew which road would take us there when the roads
road would take us there when the roads
road would take us there when the roads we have in mind become unavailable we
we have in mind become unavailable we
we have in mind become unavailable we are left feeling lost and confused we
are left feeling lost and confused we
are left feeling lost and confused we allow fear to consumers and are unable
allow fear to consumers and are unable
allow fear to consumers and are unable to see the possibilities via another
to see the possibilities via another
to see the possibilities via another route to embrace the journey and accept
route to embrace the journey and accept
route to embrace the journey and accept it so that’s how the idea of gestational
it so that’s how the idea of gestational
it so that’s how the idea of gestational surrogacy felt for us and after a lot of
surrogacy felt for us and after a lot of
surrogacy felt for us and after a lot of thinking we decided to go with it and
thinking we decided to go with it and
thinking we decided to go with it and have another woman carry our biological
have another woman carry our biological
have another woman carry our biological children now I want to share with you a
children now I want to share with you a
children now I want to share with you a bit about our journey to start with
bit about our journey to start with
bit about our journey to start with seeing another woman carrying my
seeing another woman carrying my
seeing another woman carrying my children and just sitting back and
children and just sitting back and
children and just sitting back and observing believe me it drove me nuts
observing believe me it drove me nuts
observing believe me it drove me nuts but there was a beauty in all of that I
but there was a beauty in all of that I
but there was a beauty in all of that I had to learn to release my ashes now let
had to learn to release my ashes now let
had to learn to release my ashes now let me tell you what ashes mean to me when
me tell you what ashes mean to me when
me tell you what ashes mean to me when doctors tell you you can’t carry your
doctors tell you you can’t carry your
doctors tell you you can’t carry your own children when you have the sense to
own children when you have the sense to
own children when you have the sense to control when fear consumes you or when
control when fear consumes you or when
control when fear consumes you or when inadequacy consumes you and stops you
inadequacy consumes you and stops you
inadequacy consumes you and stops you from reaching your destination
from reaching your destination
from reaching your destination those are your ashes and none of those
those are your ashes and none of those
those are your ashes and none of those words defined me at that stage even
words defined me at that stage even
words defined me at that stage even though you’d think they would at the
though you’d think they would at the
though you’d think they would at the what defines me was learning to let go
what defines me was learning to let go
what defines me was learning to let go and surrender to something bigger than
and surrender to something bigger than
and surrender to something bigger than me a higher power that I call God now
me a higher power that I call God now
me a higher power that I call God now let me tell you what I’ve learned
let me tell you what I’ve learned
let me tell you what I’ve learned through this journey surrendering
through this journey surrendering
through this journey surrendering releasing is hard
releasing is hard
releasing is hard no one said it will be easy especially
no one said it will be easy especially
no one said it will be easy especially when you’ve got the what could go wrong
when you’ve got the what could go wrong
when you’ve got the what could go wrong tape playing in your mind again and
tape playing in your mind again and
tape playing in your mind again and again and again but I can guarantee you
again and again but I can guarantee you
again and again but I can guarantee you today that if you just learn to let go
today that if you just learn to let go
today that if you just learn to let go and release and surrender you will never
and release and surrender you will never
and release and surrender you will never return empty-handed there were many days
return empty-handed there were many days
return empty-handed there were many days during our surrogacy pregnancy that I
during our surrogacy pregnancy that I
during our surrogacy pregnancy that I found myself entertaining fearsome
found myself entertaining fearsome
found myself entertaining fearsome thoughts I then intentionally engraved
thoughts I then intentionally engraved
thoughts I then intentionally engraved in my mind positive affirmations and I
in my mind positive affirmations and I
in my mind positive affirmations and I chose to stand on the truth and not on
chose to stand on the truth and not on
chose to stand on the truth and not on fear not of what I was thinking and was
fear not of what I was thinking and was
fear not of what I was thinking and was making me scared if you’re in a journey
making me scared if you’re in a journey
making me scared if you’re in a journey and you’re in certain of and you’re
and you’re in certain of and you’re
and you’re in certain of and you’re worried be careful with the words you
worried be careful with the words you
worried be careful with the words you are using it’s so important for us to
are using it’s so important for us to
are using it’s so important for us to watch what we’re speaking over our life
watch what we’re speaking over our life
watch what we’re speaking over our life because what you say has power and you’d
because what you say has power and you’d
because what you say has power and you’d be surprised to see what you actually
be surprised to see what you actually
be surprised to see what you actually speak of can do it’s okay to be scared I
speak of can do it’s okay to be scared I
speak of can do it’s okay to be scared I was scared believe me I was really
was scared believe me I was really
was scared believe me I was really scared and now I’m in another journey
scared and now I’m in another journey
scared and now I’m in another journey and I am still scared but I’m also
and I am still scared but I’m also
and I am still scared but I’m also grateful that I dare to take that leap
grateful that I dare to take that leap
grateful that I dare to take that leap of faith you know you’d be surprised of
of faith you know you’d be surprised of
of faith you know you’d be surprised of what opportunities become available when
what opportunities become available when
what opportunities become available when you just take that leap of faith
so for us the journey was magnificent
so for us the journey was magnificent this is our destination when the doctors
this is our destination when the doctors
this is our destination when the doctors told us it’s game over we said start
told us it’s game over we said start
told us it’s game over we said start again you know before all this started
again you know before all this started
again you know before all this started I loved the rest of the verse I showed
I loved the rest of the verse I showed
I loved the rest of the verse I showed you originally and it actually goes like
you originally and it actually goes like
you originally and it actually goes like this I will give you not one but I will
this I will give you not one but I will
this I will give you not one but I will give you
I will give you a double portion of
I will give you a double portion of inheritance in exchange for your shame
inheritance in exchange for your shame
inheritance in exchange for your shame and everlasting joy will be yours so I
and everlasting joy will be yours so I
and everlasting joy will be yours so I believe it’s time for me to show you our
believe it’s time for me to show you our
believe it’s time for me to show you our destination
when the feels like surgery and apples
when the feels like surgery and apples like third-degree and you want
like third-degree and you want
like third-degree and you want [Music]
[Music]
[Music] is it worse when your insides breaking
is it worse when your insides breaking
is it worse when your insides breaking in and you feel that egg again and you
in and you feel that egg again and you
in and you feel that egg again and you wonder what’s given
wonder what’s given
wonder what’s given [Music]
[Music]
[Music] when you fear is currency
when you fear is currency
when you fear is currency and you feel that
and you feel that
and you feel that [Music]
[Music]
[Music] peace is born
[Music]
[Music] this world
this world
this world besides a turn thing is
besides a turn thing is
besides a turn thing is to
to
to [Music]
[Music]
[Music] if you could let the pain of God
if you could let the pain of God
if you could let the pain of God [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] if you could
if you could
if you could [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
so as you see I believed we received our
so as you see I believed we received our double portion of inheritance so today I
double portion of inheritance so today I
double portion of inheritance so today I want you to remember there is always
want you to remember there is always
want you to remember there is always something in your life that needs to be
something in your life that needs to be
something in your life that needs to be mended that needs to be stretched where
mended that needs to be stretched where
mended that needs to be stretched where your faith needs to be stretched and as
your faith needs to be stretched and as
your faith needs to be stretched and as you learn to release and let go you will
you learn to release and let go you will
you learn to release and let go you will receive the crown of beauty and you will
receive the crown of beauty and you will
receive the crown of beauty and you will reach your destination for us the
reach your destination for us the
reach your destination for us the journey was absolutely magnificent we
journey was absolutely magnificent we
journey was absolutely magnificent we were blessed with not only one but we
were blessed with not only one but we
were blessed with not only one but we were blessed with two beautiful children
were blessed with two beautiful children
were blessed with two beautiful children and I was the first one to be there when
and I was the first one to be there when
and I was the first one to be there when they were born I was the first one to
they were born I was the first one to
they were born I was the first one to hold them to hug them to caress them to
hold them to hug them to caress them to
hold them to hug them to caress them to kiss them and you know what else I did I
kiss them and you know what else I did I
kiss them and you know what else I did I breastfed them and I still do
all those nine months that we were
all those nine months that we were expecting our children to arrive I
expecting our children to arrive I
expecting our children to arrive I prepared my body and in order for me to
prepared my body and in order for me to
prepared my body and in order for me to nurture my children sounds impossible
nurture my children sounds impossible
nurture my children sounds impossible well a little bit of modern medicine and
well a little bit of modern medicine and
well a little bit of modern medicine and all-time faith can make what seems
all-time faith can make what seems
all-time faith can make what seems impossible possible some days were
impossible possible some days were
impossible possible some days were harder than others believe me the mood
harder than others believe me the mood
harder than others believe me the mood swings and the morning sickness and
swings and the morning sickness and
swings and the morning sickness and pumping every three hours day and night
pumping every three hours day and night
pumping every three hours day and night can really take a toll on your body but
can really take a toll on your body but
can really take a toll on your body but and that’s especially seeing little
and that’s especially seeing little
and that’s especially seeing little drops starting just with little drops
drops starting just with little drops
drops starting just with little drops can really be discouraging sometimes but
can really be discouraging sometimes but
can really be discouraging sometimes but starting with only a few drops and as
starting with only a few drops and as
starting with only a few drops and as each little drop became more and more as
each little drop became more and more as
each little drop became more and more as a miracle unraveled a little bit at a
a miracle unraveled a little bit at a
a miracle unraveled a little bit at a time my body nurtured my children even
time my body nurtured my children even
time my body nurtured my children even though I didn’t carry them so today
though I didn’t carry them so today
though I didn’t carry them so today whether you are 25 or whether you are 55
whether you are 25 or whether you are 55
whether you are 25 or whether you are 55 whether you’re trying to conceive or
whether you’re trying to conceive or
whether you’re trying to conceive or you’re trying to fix your marriage or
you’re trying to fix your marriage or
you’re trying to fix your marriage or you’re trying to find a job or you’re
you’re trying to find a job or you’re
you’re trying to find a job or you’re trying to find yourself I want you to
trying to find yourself I want you to
trying to find yourself I want you to remember and be encouraged there is
remember and be encouraged there is
remember and be encouraged there is something in your life that requires
something in your life that requires
something in your life that requires your faith to be stretched and that is
your faith to be stretched and that is
your faith to be stretched and that is where the game starts and that is where
where the game starts and that is where
where the game starts and that is where beauty is found thank you
beauty is found thank you
beauty is found thank you [Applause]
”
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