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Be the Change You Want to Be | Selen Güreş | TEDxUskudarAmericanAcademy


are you your mother’s lawyer that’s what

are you your mother’s lawyer that’s what dad used to say when he mom had an

dad used to say when he mom had an

dad used to say when he mom had an argument they never had a fight but

argument they never had a fight but

argument they never had a fight but whenever there was an argument I that

whenever there was an argument I that

whenever there was an argument I that made me to show up and try to stand by

made me to show up and try to stand by

made me to show up and try to stand by whoever is arguing and that was

whoever is arguing and that was

whoever is arguing and that was generally my mom that I did for but and

generally my mom that I did for but and

generally my mom that I did for but and most of the times the discussion nearly

most of the times the discussion nearly

most of the times the discussion nearly faded away because they were fed up with

faded away because they were fed up with

faded away because they were fed up with my endless discussion points but what

my endless discussion points but what

my endless discussion points but what could I do that was who I was and who I

could I do that was who I was and who I

could I do that was who I was and who I was going to blossom into what is

was going to blossom into what is

was going to blossom into what is genuinely happening for the sake of

genuinely happening for the sake of

genuinely happening for the sake of being normal

being normal

being normal forget about the definition in the

forget about the definition in the

forget about the definition in the dictionaries

dictionaries

dictionaries if you do not need special care god

if you do not need special care god

if you do not need special care god forbid when you are born then you can be

forbid when you are born then you can be

forbid when you are born then you can be deemed to be normal and can survive but

deemed to be normal and can survive but

deemed to be normal and can survive but survival both physically and mentally

survival both physically and mentally

survival both physically and mentally go successful if you are living on your

go successful if you are living on your

go successful if you are living on your path that you are born into what we

path that you are born into what we

path that you are born into what we generally do when we are kids is what we

generally do when we are kids is what we

generally do when we are kids is what we are taught to do or see others doing

are taught to do or see others doing

are taught to do or see others doing acting along the path system way that is

acting along the path system way that is

acting along the path system way that is mostly appreciated by our surrounding

mostly appreciated by our surrounding

mostly appreciated by our surrounding like parents grandparents teachers

like parents grandparents teachers

like parents grandparents teachers siblings and there are also

siblings and there are also

siblings and there are also circumstances that we try to fit in to

circumstances that we try to fit in to

circumstances that we try to fit in to try to have a good life make good money

try to have a good life make good money

try to have a good life make good money meeting and keeping up the standards and

meeting and keeping up the standards and

meeting and keeping up the standards and etc living a so-called normal life but

etc living a so-called normal life but

etc living a so-called normal life but generally what is normal for the society

generally what is normal for the society

generally what is normal for the society is an illusion created by judgment of

is an illusion created by judgment of

is an illusion created by judgment of people on what others should be like do

people on what others should be like do

people on what others should be like do like or look like and most of the time

like or look like and most of the time

like or look like and most of the time we miss our path because it may not fit

we miss our path because it may not fit

we miss our path because it may not fit into the norms

into the norms

into the norms created but we feel obliged to follow

created but we feel obliged to follow

created but we feel obliged to follow those for the sake of peacefulness yet I

those for the sake of peacefulness yet I

those for the sake of peacefulness yet I do not think that one should be an

do not think that one should be an

do not think that one should be an anarchist to follow his or her own path

at the age of 42 I’ve come to realize

at the age of 42 I’ve come to realize that what makes one feel happy and

that what makes one feel happy and

that what makes one feel happy and contempt in life which is very essential

contempt in life which is very essential

contempt in life which is very essential for successful survival is to follow her

for successful survival is to follow her

for successful survival is to follow her own path and live along her own

own path and live along her own

own path and live along her own normality sometimes you continue follow

normality sometimes you continue follow

normality sometimes you continue follow your route with the help of others like

your route with the help of others like

your route with the help of others like your parents teachers friends lovers who

your parents teachers friends lovers who

your parents teachers friends lovers who know you well and who can figure out

know you well and who can figure out

know you well and who can figure out what your path is and what your

what your path is and what your

what your path is and what your normality is if they’re good analysts

normality is if they’re good analysts

normality is if they’re good analysts then you’re lucky if not then don’t

then you’re lucky if not then don’t

then you’re lucky if not then don’t worry somewhere someplace sometime some

worry somewhere someplace sometime some

worry somewhere someplace sometime some event will make you realize it and

event will make you realize it and

event will make you realize it and follow it though I have been

follow it though I have been

follow it though I have been acknowledged as the lawyer of my mom for

acknowledged as the lawyer of my mom for

acknowledged as the lawyer of my mom for several years when I was a kid no

several years when I was a kid no

several years when I was a kid no becoming a lawyer was not actually my

becoming a lawyer was not actually my

becoming a lawyer was not actually my childhood dream it was becoming a mom to

childhood dream it was becoming a mom to

childhood dream it was becoming a mom to those boys and girls at the Johnson &

those boys and girls at the Johnson &

those boys and girls at the Johnson & Johnson baby shampoo commercials I can

Johnson baby shampoo commercials I can

Johnson baby shampoo commercials I can sympathize that some of the audience do

sympathize that some of the audience do

sympathize that some of the audience do not even recollect those but they can

not even recollect those but they can

not even recollect those but they can still follow me at my first year in they

still follow me at my first year in they

still follow me at my first year in they say at ease could I make an academy for

say at ease could I make an academy for

say at ease could I make an academy for girls hard to imagine I came to realize

girls hard to imagine I came to realize

girls hard to imagine I came to realize that I had a pretty good voice

that I had a pretty good voice

that I had a pretty good voice apparently a mezzo-soprano which I did

apparently a mezzo-soprano which I did

apparently a mezzo-soprano which I did not have an idea before but my mom had

not have an idea before but my mom had

not have an idea before but my mom had realized it and thanks to her I had a

realized it and thanks to her I had a

realized it and thanks to her I had a chance to sing at the bank children’s

chance to sing at the bank children’s

chance to sing at the bank children’s choir for one year when I was in primary

choir for one year when I was in primary

choir for one year when I was in primary school so that year I took a role

school so that year I took a role

school so that year I took a role the musical Oklahoma and it was the best

the musical Oklahoma and it was the best

the musical Oklahoma and it was the best time of my life I adored it I said this

time of my life I adored it I said this

time of my life I adored it I said this is it this is it I found it I was to

is it this is it I found it I was to

is it this is it I found it I was to become a musical singer or an opera

become a musical singer or an opera

become a musical singer or an opera singer

singer

singer now of course not everything that you

now of course not everything that you

now of course not everything that you feel good at or find yourself good at is

feel good at or find yourself good at is

feel good at or find yourself good at is meant to be your path and most of the

meant to be your path and most of the

meant to be your path and most of the times those that are not meant for you

times those that are not meant for you

times those that are not meant for you to become simply remain as hobbies which

to become simply remain as hobbies which

to become simply remain as hobbies which is a good thing in my second year I had

is a good thing in my second year I had

is a good thing in my second year I had two choices for me to do as

two choices for me to do as

two choices for me to do as extracurricular activities musical Cats

extracurricular activities musical Cats

extracurricular activities musical Cats or attending to the Model United Nations

or attending to the Model United Nations

or attending to the Model United Nations mu on at its first year in our school

mu on at its first year in our school

mu on at its first year in our school though I was raised as an obedient woman

though I was raised as an obedient woman

though I was raised as an obedient woman at the academy I also believed in my

at the academy I also believed in my

at the academy I also believed in my power of persuasiveness and ability in

power of persuasiveness and ability in

power of persuasiveness and ability in negotiating and being in a girl school

negotiating and being in a girl school

negotiating and being in a girl school only had crafted my personality to be

only had crafted my personality to be

only had crafted my personality to be able to defend her ideas in matriarchy

able to defend her ideas in matriarchy

able to defend her ideas in matriarchy far from any fights of against the other

far from any fights of against the other

far from any fights of against the other gender and not try to be wise as the boy

gender and not try to be wise as the boy

gender and not try to be wise as the boy determined as a boy strong as the boy

determined as a boy strong as the boy

determined as a boy strong as the boy hard-working as a boy as a boy as a boy

hard-working as a boy as a boy as a boy

hard-working as a boy as a boy as a boy etc so I did not hesitate to attend mu n

etc so I did not hesitate to attend mu n

etc so I did not hesitate to attend mu n and left my dream for musical for that

and left my dream for musical for that

and left my dream for musical for that year that choice that I made on my path

year that choice that I made on my path

year that choice that I made on my path shaped my life after that I attended to

shaped my life after that I attended to

shaped my life after that I attended to the MU n which where the general

the MU n which where the general

the MU n which where the general assembly was held in the hague and we

assembly was held in the hague and we

assembly was held in the hague and we were to act as Liberian diplomats and

were to act as Liberian diplomats and

were to act as Liberian diplomats and try to defend and negotiate for Liberian

try to defend and negotiate for Liberian

try to defend and negotiate for Liberian state and people I had a great time I

state and people I had a great time I

state and people I had a great time I was so amazed by everyone who was

was so amazed by everyone who was

was so amazed by everyone who was talking there at the General Assembly

talking there at the General Assembly

talking there at the General Assembly and when I came back I said I knew what

and when I came back I said I knew what

and when I came back I said I knew what I want to do I wanted to negotiate for

I want to do I wanted to negotiate for

I want to do I wanted to negotiate for claim

claim

claim defend prove and achieve fairness and

defend prove and achieve fairness and

defend prove and achieve fairness and justice and I thought I was to become a

justice and I thought I was to become a

justice and I thought I was to become a diplomat like the ones that I acted for

diplomat like the ones that I acted for

diplomat like the ones that I acted for the state of Liberia but then my dad

the state of Liberia but then my dad

the state of Liberia but then my dad said and I said I was to study political

said and I said I was to study political

said and I said I was to study political sciences which was a very new department

sciences which was a very new department

sciences which was a very new department in Turkey back then and my dad said no

in Turkey back then and my dad said no

in Turkey back then and my dad said no political sciences is not a fundamental

political sciences is not a fundamental

political sciences is not a fundamental profession and you know what if you

profession and you know what if you

profession and you know what if you become a diplomat you would probably

become a diplomat you would probably

become a diplomat you would probably wander all around the world and not be

wander all around the world and not be

wander all around the world and not be able to raise the family of yourself

able to raise the family of yourself

able to raise the family of yourself like he had seen in many of his friends

like he had seen in many of his friends

like he had seen in many of his friends lives remember my childhood dream no

lives remember my childhood dream no

lives remember my childhood dream no that was not a risk that I could take so

that was not a risk that I could take so

that was not a risk that I could take so he advised that I go to law school and

he advised that I go to law school and

he advised that I go to law school and decide later on on who I should become I

decide later on on who I should become I

decide later on on who I should become I went to one of his college friends who

went to one of his college friends who

went to one of his college friends who was a great lawyer and had known me

was a great lawyer and had known me

was a great lawyer and had known me since I was a baby and I talked to many

since I was a baby and I talked to many

since I was a baby and I talked to many lawyers at his office I wandered around

lawyers at his office I wandered around

lawyers at his office I wandered around and tried to feel the air of negotiating

and tried to feel the air of negotiating

and tried to feel the air of negotiating mediating and litigating and thereafter

mediating and litigating and thereafter

mediating and litigating and thereafter at the age of 17 I said okay I’m going

at the age of 17 I said okay I’m going

at the age of 17 I said okay I’m going to study law I’m going to graduate all

to study law I’m going to graduate all

to study law I’m going to graduate all with my classmates I’m going to win the

with my classmates I’m going to win the

with my classmates I’m going to win the university exam and get to the school I

university exam and get to the school I

university exam and get to the school I want to however every path has its

want to however every path has its

want to however every path has its tumbles I thought it was nearly

tumbles I thought it was nearly

tumbles I thought it was nearly impossible graduating from this school

impossible graduating from this school

impossible graduating from this school and winning the school that you want to

and winning the school that you want to

and winning the school that you want to win and get into but I failed in the

win and get into but I failed in the

win and get into but I failed in the university exam and I couldn’t get into

university exam and I couldn’t get into

university exam and I couldn’t get into the two schools that I had on my list

the two schools that I had on my list

the two schools that I had on my list and that year was the worst of my life I

and that year was the worst of my life I

and that year was the worst of my life I guess all my genius friends good friends

guess all my genius friends good friends

guess all my genius friends good friends having want the schools that they had

having want the schools that they had

having want the schools that they had one two two and I was there to study one

one two two and I was there to study one

one two two and I was there to study one more year with a bunch of losers like

more year with a bunch of losers like

more year with a bunch of losers like myself really very humiliating both for

myself really very humiliating both for

myself really very humiliating both for my stuff and against my family who had

my stuff and against my family who had

my stuff and against my family who had so much

so much

so much in me but a path is a path to follow I

in me but a path is a path to follow I

in me but a path is a path to follow I did not give up on my will to become a

did not give up on my will to become a

did not give up on my will to become a lawyer the second year I wanted to

lawyer the second year I wanted to

lawyer the second year I wanted to include only two schools again in my

include only two schools again in my

include only two schools again in my list for the university entrance but my

list for the university entrance but my

list for the university entrance but my father said this time no no no not to

father said this time no no no not to

father said this time no no no not to schools we’re going to have more under

schools we’re going to have more under

schools we’re going to have more under the list but I got into the first one

the list but I got into the first one

the list but I got into the first one that I had on my list and started to the

that I had on my list and started to the

that I had on my list and started to the faculty at the Istanbul University along

faculty at the Istanbul University along

faculty at the Istanbul University along the faculty I met extraordinarily

the faculty I met extraordinarily

the faculty I met extraordinarily well-equipped professors and lecturers

well-equipped professors and lecturers

well-equipped professors and lecturers who made me see and my passionate

who made me see and my passionate

who made me see and my passionate friends that I had met having dreams

friends that I had met having dreams

friends that I had met having dreams like myself what being lawful and just

like myself what being lawful and just

like myself what being lawful and just meant especially in the case studies

meant especially in the case studies

meant especially in the case studies that we had

that we had

that we had I saw the outcomes the reasonings the

I saw the outcomes the reasonings the

I saw the outcomes the reasonings the consequences of defending the rights of

consequences of defending the rights of

consequences of defending the rights of other people and I gave up being a

other people and I gave up being a

other people and I gave up being a diplomat because then I thought if I

diplomat because then I thought if I

diplomat because then I thought if I were to become a diplomat I would have

were to become a diplomat I would have

were to become a diplomat I would have defended the state politics but

defended the state politics but

defended the state politics but lawyering was not meant for that whereas

lawyering was not meant for that whereas

lawyering was not meant for that whereas being a lawyer you could have defended

being a lawyer you could have defended

being a lawyer you could have defended other people’s rights in the way that

other people’s rights in the way that

other people’s rights in the way that you think it should have been so I chose

you think it should have been so I chose

you think it should have been so I chose to become a lawyer but then what type of

to become a lawyer but then what type of

to become a lawyer but then what type of a lawyer was there a normality to lawyer

a lawyer was there a normality to lawyer

a lawyer was there a normality to lawyer in as well that did not become apparent

in as well that did not become apparent

in as well that did not become apparent until the last year of my university and

until the last year of my university and

until the last year of my university and as a good english-speaking woman thanks

as a good english-speaking woman thanks

as a good english-speaking woman thanks to the Academy I was apparently meant

to the Academy I was apparently meant

to the Academy I was apparently meant for assisting foreign clients in Turkey

for assisting foreign clients in Turkey

for assisting foreign clients in Turkey which was boosting at the beginning of

which was boosting at the beginning of

which was boosting at the beginning of the millennium but then again there were

the millennium but then again there were

the millennium but then again there were so many ways to assist foreign clients

so many ways to assist foreign clients

so many ways to assist foreign clients in Turkey as a commercial lawyer I could

in Turkey as a commercial lawyer I could

in Turkey as a commercial lawyer I could have been an in-house lawyer employed by

have been an in-house lawyer employed by

have been an in-house lawyer employed by a company I could have

a company I could have

a company I could have had my own shop and have one-woman show

had my own shop and have one-woman show

had my own shop and have one-woman show or I could have attended to a law firm

or I could have attended to a law firm

or I could have attended to a law firm and practice with colleagues now being

and practice with colleagues now being

and practice with colleagues now being an extrovert all my life I feed and

an extrovert all my life I feed and

an extrovert all my life I feed and thrust on collective power so I’m not a

thrust on collective power so I’m not a

thrust on collective power so I’m not a loner and for having grown from obedient

loner and for having grown from obedient

loner and for having grown from obedient to rebellious at the law school I had

to rebellious at the law school I had

to rebellious at the law school I had this great energy to defend the rights

this great energy to defend the rights

this great energy to defend the rights of those who sought for justice and

of those who sought for justice and

of those who sought for justice and rightfulness so being a company lawyer

rightfulness so being a company lawyer

rightfulness so being a company lawyer would not do as I would have then needed

would not do as I would have then needed

would not do as I would have then needed to defend company policies as I was told

to defend company policies as I was told

to defend company policies as I was told to do but rather I chose to defend those

to do but rather I chose to defend those

to do but rather I chose to defend those who are need in for law and justice as I

who are need in for law and justice as I

who are need in for law and justice as I decide so I started my career at my

decide so I started my career at my

decide so I started my career at my father’s independent law firm and sudden

father’s independent law firm and sudden

father’s independent law firm and sudden there’s an intern at the commercial law

there’s an intern at the commercial law

there’s an intern at the commercial law consultancy department and at the end of

consultancy department and at the end of

consultancy department and at the end of one year when I finished my intern I got

one year when I finished my intern I got

one year when I finished my intern I got this advice which was very fashionable

this advice which was very fashionable

this advice which was very fashionable those days probably it is still they

those days probably it is still they

those days probably it is still they said go and get your master’s degree in

said go and get your master’s degree in

said go and get your master’s degree in the UK or us now I said I don’t have any

the UK or us now I said I don’t have any

the UK or us now I said I don’t have any intention to go abroad I want to live

intention to go abroad I want to live

intention to go abroad I want to live here with my family

here with my family

here with my family be here with my boyfriend marry him

be here with my boyfriend marry him

be here with my boyfriend marry him and they said oh no that’s all right you

and they said oh no that’s all right you

and they said oh no that’s all right you would be able to find many other

would be able to find many other

would be able to find many other boyfriends where you go to even better

boyfriends where you go to even better

boyfriends where you go to even better ones so that should not be a concern for

ones so that should not be a concern for

ones so that should not be a concern for you

you

you really it’s true they said it I said ok

really it’s true they said it I said ok

really it’s true they said it I said ok thank you and I did not follow their

thank you and I did not follow their

thank you and I did not follow their normal way and stayed in the country and

normal way and stayed in the country and

normal way and stayed in the country and at the firm I was a student

at the firm I was a student

at the firm I was a student assisting foreigners in Turkey and what

assisting foreigners in Turkey and what

assisting foreigners in Turkey and what was that I had some kind of an idea in

was that I had some kind of an idea in

was that I had some kind of an idea in the first year but

the first year but

the first year but it was negotiating and arguing for the

it was negotiating and arguing for the

it was negotiating and arguing for the sake of your clients while they were

sake of your clients while they were

sake of your clients while they were making investments acquiring assets and

making investments acquiring assets and

making investments acquiring assets and dealing with other parties and other

dealing with other parties and other

dealing with other parties and other parties lawyers and try to get the best

parties lawyers and try to get the best

parties lawyers and try to get the best legal structure for a deal so that once

legal structure for a deal so that once

legal structure for a deal so that once they are finished with the project that

they are finished with the project that

they are finished with the project that you are assisting them at they would

you are assisting them at they would

you are assisting them at they would have lists of any legal problems in the

have lists of any legal problems in the

have lists of any legal problems in the future and I became a negotiator for

future and I became a negotiator for

future and I became a negotiator for these deals rather than a litigator

these deals rather than a litigator

these deals rather than a litigator because in the turkish system litigation

because in the turkish system litigation

because in the turkish system litigation at courts does not give you any chance

at courts does not give you any chance

at courts does not give you any chance to speak up to defend orally that’s what

to speak up to defend orally that’s what

to speak up to defend orally that’s what I do but it’s all in writing so I was

I do but it’s all in writing so I was

I do but it’s all in writing so I was trained by them by my partners as a

trained by them by my partners as a

trained by them by my partners as a negotiator rather than a litigator

negotiator rather than a litigator

negotiator rather than a litigator we used to shut up before the judges

we used to shut up before the judges

we used to shut up before the judges after 15 years of great experience in my

after 15 years of great experience in my

after 15 years of great experience in my formula law firm I started to feel that

formula law firm I started to feel that

formula law firm I started to feel that there is something missing and I was

there is something missing and I was

there is something missing and I was uneasy I was complaining all the time

uneasy I was complaining all the time

uneasy I was complaining all the time this time it was my husband’s turn to

this time it was my husband’s turn to

this time it was my husband’s turn to remind me and make me acknowledge that I

remind me and make me acknowledge that I

remind me and make me acknowledge that I had to get out of my comfort zone and

had to get out of my comfort zone and

had to get out of my comfort zone and continue to evolve and run to the future

continue to evolve and run to the future

continue to evolve and run to the future where I find it to be now that future

where I find it to be now that future

where I find it to be now that future found its way through a historical day

found its way through a historical day

found its way through a historical day dream that I had with two of my dearest

dream that I had with two of my dearest

dream that I had with two of my dearest girlfriends at Law School where we used

girlfriends at Law School where we used

girlfriends at Law School where we used to study days and nights trying to

to study days and nights trying to

to study days and nights trying to graduate from the law school I decided

graduate from the law school I decided

graduate from the law school I decided to join them and now I’m a managing

to join them and now I’m a managing

to join them and now I’m a managing partner in my own law firm where I still

partner in my own law firm where I still

partner in my own law firm where I still feel the same energy the same enthusiasm

feel the same energy the same enthusiasm

feel the same energy the same enthusiasm and this

and this

and this willingness that I had for defending

willingness that I had for defending

willingness that I had for defending people or my life at the school and I’m

people or my life at the school and I’m

people or my life at the school and I’m trying to do the same thing for my

trying to do the same thing for my

trying to do the same thing for my clients I chose to follow my passion and

clients I chose to follow my passion and

clients I chose to follow my passion and desire for all these a journey starting

desire for all these a journey starting

desire for all these a journey starting from defending my mom acting as

from defending my mom acting as

from defending my mom acting as miserable Liberian diplomats and then

miserable Liberian diplomats and then

miserable Liberian diplomats and then acting for many business people that you

acting for many business people that you

acting for many business people that you name them and not a single morning in

name them and not a single morning in

name them and not a single morning in the last eighteen years I said I do not

the last eighteen years I said I do not

the last eighteen years I said I do not want to do this anymore us three one of

want to do this anymore us three one of

want to do this anymore us three one of the lawyers achieved what we wanted to

the lawyers achieved what we wanted to

the lawyers achieved what we wanted to achieve in life lawyering in matriarchy

achieve in life lawyering in matriarchy

achieve in life lawyering in matriarchy mothers to to all of us and fairly good

mothers to to all of us and fairly good

mothers to to all of us and fairly good citizens trying to help those in need

citizens trying to help those in need

citizens trying to help those in need for justice and law I saw that how

for justice and law I saw that how

for justice and law I saw that how little the social system the educational

little the social system the educational

little the social system the educational system business life gives you a little

system business life gives you a little

system business life gives you a little chance for you to spot follow your route

chance for you to spot follow your route

chance for you to spot follow your route it is always there for you to walk on

it is always there for you to walk on

it is always there for you to walk on and even if you step off it then you can

and even if you step off it then you can

and even if you step off it then you can step on it again and again as long as

step on it again and again as long as

step on it again and again as long as you do not give up for what you believe

you do not give up for what you believe

you do not give up for what you believe in life and being happy and contempt in

in life and being happy and contempt in

in life and being happy and contempt in life I believe it would lead all human

life I believe it would lead all human

life I believe it would lead all human life and kind to happiness and

life and kind to happiness and

life and kind to happiness and prosperity if we could all raise

prosperity if we could all raise

prosperity if we could all raise ourselves and develop ourselves on path

ourselves and develop ourselves on path

ourselves and develop ourselves on path and in the normality of ourselves and

and in the normality of ourselves and

and in the normality of ourselves and try to do the same for the ones that we

try to do the same for the ones that we

try to do the same for the ones that we raise as little ones we with all the

raise as little ones we with all the

raise as little ones we with all the hope that every one of you here

hope that every one of you here

hope that every one of you here walks along her and his own path and I

walks along her and his own path and I

walks along her and his own path and I kept along his or her normality which I

kept along his or her normality which I

kept along his or her normality which I am sure is going to be the most

am sure is going to be the most

am sure is going to be the most beautiful one thank you

beautiful one thank you

beautiful one thank you you

”

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