Are you too sensitive? Should you change? | Marwa Azab | TEDxOakland

Translator: Leonardo Silva Reviewer: Peter van de Ven

I like to go for walks on rainy, gray, muddy days,

a weather deemed by many as imperfect,

but not by me.

Because if nature, in its vastness, can be imperfect,

then I have every right to be, to be imperfect.

As runners passed by me – I think at least twice –

I walked even slower.

As I walked,

I felt like the asymmetrical trees bent a bit lower

to greet me and acknowledge me.

Runners, on the other hand, didn’t notice it.

So, offended trees erected themselves even taller

in arrogance for not being recognized.

This type of processing is not an uncommon experience for me.

I am a sensitive person.

And what a self-actualization moment it was when I realized that.

I was preparing for a seminar for mental health professionals

when I realized that.

I found this article that I just couldn’t put down.

It talked about this gene

that’s related to something they called sensory processing sensitivity.

So, I dug as deep as I could.

And let me confess:

there’s no better journey,

there’s no journey that’s as difficult, as painful,

but as rewarding and as sweet,

as the journey to self-discovery.

The term “highly sensitive person,”

or sometimes called “sensory process sensitivity,”

was coined by Doctor Elaine Aron,

and as it turns out, about 20 percent of us are highly sensitive.

So, this trait, kind of to summarize it,

describes someone who has a very complex inner life.

And as it turns out, it’s also an innate biological trait

although I believe that certain childhoods

can exacerbate genetic tendencies towards this trait

or even initiate the trait.

In fact, the brains of sensitive people is wired a little bit differently.

So, when we put them in the scanner,

and researchers would give them photos of landscapes and say,

“You know what, we want you just to tell us

if you notice any changes in the scenes” –

Guess what.

In the brains of sensitive people,

their visuals areas, their attentional centers in the brain,

are more activated than in people with low sensitivity.

I was trying to come up with a good way

to paint the picture of a highly sensitive person,

but I didn’t want to come with a checklist or a shopping list

of, you know, the different tendencies.

So what I did instead is I took the average of the stories

of many sensitive people,

and I put it concisely in one short scenario.

Here it goes.

Jenna likes to throw herself in the arms of nature.

She experiences the blueness of the sea like nobody else.

As she walks, she feels the trees bend just a little to whisper in her ears.

Mountains provide a sense of greatness,

like there’s something out there that’s much bigger.

As she enters a room,

she’s the first to notice if there’s any subtle changes in the room,

any odors, any noise,

which means she also startles easily.

If she watches a movie or a drama series, or reads a book,

she finds bits and pieces of herself in each of the characters.

Needless to say, when she watches a violent movie

or reads an involved book,

it takes her many weeks to recalibrate her sense of self.

At work, she’s an amazing worker,

but if she’s being observed by her manager,

she delivers the worst performance.

She’s very conscientious because she doesn’t want to make mistakes,

which makes her very guarded in new, novel situations

and creates some anxiety

because she know she can’t handle negative feedback very well.

Now, highly sensitive people come in all different shapes and colors.

So, you need not to match this story exactly

to classify yourself as a highly sensitive person.

Now, high sensitivity, or a highly sensitive person,

is not necessarily synonymous with being shy or being an introvert.

Actually, in fact,

30 percent of highly sensitive people happen to be extroverts.

So, it is certain that being insensitive

is something that’s not desirable in society,

but does that mean that the opposite, being sensitive,

is appreciated by society?

As it turns out, our society can’t make up its mind.

It considers both to be bad.

So, if you are insensitive, it wants you to be more considerate.

If you’re sensitive, it wants you to grow thicker skin.

In other words,

we’re never going to be comfortable in any personality type.

Now, funny it is, but this mismatch

between societal demands and our everyday kind of very busy lives,

the kind of life that we live nowadays, and this personality type

can give rise to things like depression and anxiety,

and other psychological problems.

Because of the elaborate processing and the deep processing,

then things like negative feedback won’t go unnoticed,

and there will be analysis over analysis

and all kinds of mental gymnastics on that,

which means also that, at work, when there are stressful times,

because the nervous system is so excitable in highly sensitive people,

that translates into being at a higher risk of burnout at work.

Now, this relationship between high sensitivity and psychological difficulties

is only found in people who have had a troubled childhood.

In fact, the opposite is true for people who had an okay or a decent childhood.

In other words,

this trait is associated with all kinds of positive qualities.

It’s not surprising that you find this trait predominant

in people like poets, writers, painters, musicians.

And in recent brain studies,

they found that the brain areas that support this trait

overlap quite a bit with areas that support empathy.

And since we’re on the brain, let’s mention one more:

one brain area called the insula

is hyperactive in people who are sensitive.

Well, what does the insula do?

The insula is responsible for processing inner sensations.

So, it’s not surprising that in highly sensitive people,

they’re very attuned to the inner world,

which means also that they’re going to be very sensitive

to things like pain, hunger and caffeine.

So, I understand that, in our overwhelming society,

this might rust your golden trait to be sensitive.

How do we shine it again?

How do you make the best out of your sensitivity?

Here’s one basic, simple principle to keep in mind:

this is an advantage

as long as this increased sensitivity, and the benefits of it,

outweighs the biological cost

of a complicated, complex neural system,

hyperactive nervous system, hyper-aroused brain areas,

which all translates to a higher metabolic demand.

Okay, so that wasn’t so simple.

Let’s translate that into more doable, concrete things.

Because you have a highly excitable nervous system,

you want to reduce arousal in your environment,

so you limit the number of intense stimuli.

You want to avoid sensory overload.

If your job or your life requires that you’re multitask,

you need to limit the number of tasks that you’re doing at the same time.

And I highly encourage that if you do social media –

nothing wrong with that –

but you want to limit the number of social media outlets

that you’re involved with.

Regularly force-quit your nevous system:

breathing excersises, meditation, quiet time.

But if quiet time means that you’re going to have a diarrhea of negative thoughts –

(Laughter)

don’t do it –

then you want to filter, cancel this noise with other types of noise.

If you’re into it, prayers can work.

So, I like to do this prayer called “dhikr,”

which involves the repetition of scripted statements of gratitude

that’s repeated a certain set of times.

If you find that you’re having too many thoughts,

that it’s clouding your judgment, slowing your cognitive abilities,

put them down on paper,

take them out of your mind and on paper.

You never know.

Something beautiful, awesome, therapeutic might come out of it.

Remember you are a highly creative person.

So, draw, color, write, whatever your talent is.

Lastly, be comfortable in your own skin,

be comfortable in your own genetics,

be comfortable in your own predisposition.

Own it, never be ashamed of it.

And remember that this is related to giftedness and creativity

and all of these wonderful things.

Don’t be shy about talking about your soft skills

as you discuss this in long-term relationships.

Use the soft skills to be the best person that you could be,

the best parent, the best child, the best sibiling,

the best manager, the best spouse.

The last thing I want to confess or admit, I think,

is that when my soul yarn unraveled,

an era of confusion ensued,

and finally, when I got to my core,

an anxiety of not knowing made it worse.

And it didn’t subside until I was able to name it, I was able to describe it,

I was able to talk about it,

and I learned that there are others out there that are the same.

Now that I confidently know that,

I can come and rewrap elements of my life

in a way that makes me comfortable,

in a way that makes me shine,

in a way that makes me better,

and most importantly, in a way that does not choke my core.

I invite all of you today to take this daunting journey,

although very rewarding,

starting today.

Will you? I hope so.

Good luck! Thank you.

(Applause)