my name is a fois si and I’m the co-founder as she leads Africa a
co-founder as she leads Africa a
co-founder as she leads Africa a community that helps young African women
community that helps young African women
community that helps young African women achieve their professional dreams we
achieve their professional dreams we
achieve their professional dreams we there it is building a successful
there it is building a successful
there it is building a successful business or climbing the corporate
business or climbing the corporate
business or climbing the corporate ladder we provide them with digital
ladder we provide them with digital
ladder we provide them with digital content and engaging events to help them
content and engaging events to help them
content and engaging events to help them reach that next stage since launching
reach that next stage since launching
reach that next stage since launching this company two years ago I have spent
this company two years ago I have spent
this company two years ago I have spent more than ninety seven percent of my
more than ninety seven percent of my
more than ninety seven percent of my time thinking about women researching
time thinking about women researching
time thinking about women researching women trying to find women so tonight I
women trying to find women so tonight I
women trying to find women so tonight I decided not to talk about women at all
decided not to talk about women at all
decided not to talk about women at all so ladies you can take a break take a
so ladies you can take a break take a
so ladies you can take a break take a selfie go get another drink this
selfie go get another drink this
selfie go get another drink this conversation is for the guys anytime
conversation is for the guys anytime
conversation is for the guys anytime don’t worry so I decided to have this
don’t worry so I decided to have this
don’t worry so I decided to have this conversation after one of my friends
conversation after one of my friends
conversation after one of my friends surprised me I was at a concert minding
surprised me I was at a concert minding
surprised me I was at a concert minding my business listening to my music and he
my business listening to my music and he
my business listening to my music and he decided to have a serious conversation
decided to have a serious conversation
decided to have a serious conversation about feminism I don’t know what was
about feminism I don’t know what was
about feminism I don’t know what was written on my forehead that day but I
written on my forehead that day but I
written on my forehead that day but I said okay let’s hear it
said okay let’s hear it
said okay let’s hear it he said to me I was raised by a single
he said to me I was raised by a single
he said to me I was raised by a single mother she put all of us boys through
mother she put all of us boys through
mother she put all of us boys through school I really want my girlfriend to
school I really want my girlfriend to
school I really want my girlfriend to stay ambitious and build her business
stay ambitious and build her business
stay ambitious and build her business but I am NOT a feminist I don’t believe
but I am NOT a feminist I don’t believe
but I am NOT a feminist I don’t believe in that thing I don’t know if you all
in that thing I don’t know if you all
in that thing I don’t know if you all know about the emoji that has the wide
know about the emoji that has the wide
know about the emoji that has the wide eyes and the open mouth but I was
eyes and the open mouth but I was
eyes and the open mouth but I was sitting there like cuz I thought of all
sitting there like cuz I thought of all
sitting there like cuz I thought of all the people who would say something like
the people who would say something like
the people who would say something like this to me it wouldn’t be this guy and
this to me it wouldn’t be this guy and
this to me it wouldn’t be this guy and most people don’t say that kind of stuff
most people don’t say that kind of stuff
most people don’t say that kind of stuff to me because they know the kind of work
to me because they know the kind of work
to me because they know the kind of work that I do but as I listened a bit more
that I do but as I listened a bit more
that I do but as I listened a bit more to him and I thought about it I went
to him and I thought about it I went
to him and I thought about it I went from irritated because he was
from irritated because he was
from irritated because he was interrupting the concert to a bit sad
interrupting the concert to a bit sad
interrupting the concert to a bit sad sad that this young man who is a
sad that this young man who is a
sad that this young man who is a stereotypical young progressive African
stereotypical young progressive African
stereotypical young progressive African he was under the age of 30 he had
he was under the age of 30 he had
he was under the age of 30 he had studied Italy abroad he had a fancy
studied Italy abroad he had a fancy
studied Italy abroad he had a fancy corporate job that this guy would be
corporate job that this guy would be
corporate job that this guy would be someone who didn’t think that feminism
someone who didn’t think that feminism
someone who didn’t think that feminism related to him
related to him
related to him and I realized that us as young women
and I realized that us as young women
and I realized that us as young women who decide that we’re going to be fun
who decide that we’re going to be fun
who decide that we’re going to be fun feminists have done a very poor job and
feminists have done a very poor job and
feminists have done a very poor job and making it seem realistic or practical to
making it seem realistic or practical to
making it seem realistic or practical to someone like him about feminism I
someone like him about feminism I
someone like him about feminism I imagine that for this young man when he
imagine that for this young man when he
imagine that for this young man when he looked out into the atmosphere what was
looked out into the atmosphere what was
looked out into the atmosphere what was talked about feminism online on Twitter
talked about feminism online on Twitter
talked about feminism online on Twitter rants from the Western media it didn’t
rants from the Western media it didn’t
rants from the Western media it didn’t connect with his life and as a young
connect with his life and as a young
connect with his life and as a young African woman very rarely does it
African woman very rarely does it
African woman very rarely does it connect with mine but I’m able to power
connect with mine but I’m able to power
connect with mine but I’m able to power through the struggle and I realized that
through the struggle and I realized that
through the struggle and I realized that if we’re going to build and create a new
if we’re going to build and create a new
if we’re going to build and create a new African society we had to do that
African society we had to do that
African society we had to do that through our mates our friends our
through our mates our friends our
through our mates our friends our brothers our cousins who are sitting
brothers our cousins who are sitting
brothers our cousins who are sitting there right next to us and have these
there right next to us and have these
there right next to us and have these type of conversations we can’t blame the
type of conversations we can’t blame the
type of conversations we can’t blame the older generation and say that it’s just
older generation and say that it’s just
older generation and say that it’s just culture and it’s just values in its
culture and it’s just values in its
culture and it’s just values in its tradition that’s holding them back if
tradition that’s holding them back if
tradition that’s holding them back if the exact same thing continues and
the exact same thing continues and
the exact same thing continues and continues to resonate so I’ve decided
continues to resonate so I’ve decided
continues to resonate so I’ve decided that I need to do a better job telling a
that I need to do a better job telling a
that I need to do a better job telling a different story to young African men
different story to young African men
different story to young African men about how feminism relates to them and
about how feminism relates to them and
about how feminism relates to them and how it connects to their lives so that’s
how it connects to their lives so that’s
how it connects to their lives so that’s what I’m going to do tonight
what I’m going to do tonight
what I’m going to do tonight talk about three stories in which I’ve
talk about three stories in which I’ve
talk about three stories in which I’ve seen African men demonstrate those
seen African men demonstrate those
seen African men demonstrate those values that I think that are very
values that I think that are very
values that I think that are very closely tied to who we are as Africans
closely tied to who we are as Africans
closely tied to who we are as Africans I mean how they’ve done that through
I mean how they’ve done that through
I mean how they’ve done that through their daily interactions with me I’ll
their daily interactions with me I’ll
their daily interactions with me I’ll first start with my father James Quaker
first start with my father James Quaker
first start with my father James Quaker oh say born and raised in Crowell
oh say born and raised in Crowell
oh say born and raised in Crowell and I think he’s a typical African man I
and I think he’s a typical African man I
and I think he’s a typical African man I remember I was 12 years old and I was
remember I was 12 years old and I was
remember I was 12 years old and I was negotiating for some game with this
negotiating for some game with this
negotiating for some game with this woman in a store and she called me a
woman in a store and she called me a
woman in a store and she called me a miser and I didn’t know what that word
miser and I didn’t know what that word
miser and I didn’t know what that word will meant so I went back home and I
will meant so I went back home and I
will meant so I went back home and I said daddy there’s someone called me a
said daddy there’s someone called me a
said daddy there’s someone called me a miser he was like good I was like what
miser he was like good I was like what
miser he was like good I was like what does it mean there’s like oh she called
does it mean there’s like oh she called
does it mean there’s like oh she called you cheap I said okay so I guess he like
you cheap I said okay so I guess he like
you cheap I said okay so I guess he like actually is a proud man but I have
actually is a proud man but I have
actually is a proud man but I have brothers and I have sisters and not once
brothers and I have sisters and not once
brothers and I have sisters and not once that I ever feel as if the expectations
that I ever feel as if the expectations
that I ever feel as if the expectations for me were any different than my
for me were any different than my
for me were any different than my siblings and I remember him once telling
siblings and I remember him once telling
siblings and I remember him once telling me never let anyone else decide or make
me never let anyone else decide or make
me never let anyone else decide or make decisions for your life of course this
decisions for your life of course this
decisions for your life of course this was after I had a bad report card and he
was after I had a bad report card and he
was after I had a bad report card and he was worried that I wouldn’t get into a
was worried that I wouldn’t get into a
was worried that I wouldn’t get into a good college with
good college with
good college with message stayed true to me and I believe
message stayed true to me and I believe
message stayed true to me and I believe that he meant that for himself as well
that he meant that for himself as well
that he meant that for himself as well that he is my father didn’t feel as if
that he is my father didn’t feel as if
that he is my father didn’t feel as if he had the right to tell me what to do
he had the right to tell me what to do
he had the right to tell me what to do with my life and I know many men young
with my life and I know many men young
with my life and I know many men young and old who are raising young women to
and old who are raising young women to
and old who are raising young women to be strong and independent and they want
be strong and independent and they want
be strong and independent and they want their daughters to have fulfilling
their daughters to have fulfilling
their daughters to have fulfilling careers they want them to be successful
careers they want them to be successful
careers they want them to be successful and they want them to have happy lives
and they want them to have happy lives
and they want them to have happy lives why aren’t we telling that story to
why aren’t we telling that story to
why aren’t we telling that story to African men as an example of feminism my
African men as an example of feminism my
African men as an example of feminism my second story revolves around a young
second story revolves around a young
second story revolves around a young woman that we work with her business was
woman that we work with her business was
woman that we work with her business was growing very well it was very successful
growing very well it was very successful
growing very well it was very successful and she needed hope she couldn’t find
and she needed hope she couldn’t find
and she needed hope she couldn’t find any team members um that she really
any team members um that she really
any team members um that she really wanted to work with and she asked her
wanted to work with and she asked her
wanted to work with and she asked her husband to join her with the company he
husband to join her with the company he
husband to join her with the company he had a corporate job and he chose to
had a corporate job and he chose to
had a corporate job and he chose to leave his job to work with his wife now
leave his job to work with his wife now
leave his job to work with his wife now some people would say oh he chose to
some people would say oh he chose to
some people would say oh he chose to work under his wife or join his wife’s
work under his wife or join his wife’s
work under his wife or join his wife’s company but for him he wanted his wife
company but for him he wanted his wife
company but for him he wanted his wife to be successful he wanted her to be
to be successful he wanted her to be
to be successful he wanted her to be happy and he wanted them to be able to
happy and he wanted them to be able to
happy and he wanted them to be able to build a business that would create
build a business that would create
build a business that would create wealth for themselves and future
wealth for themselves and future
wealth for themselves and future generations
generations
generations right caring for your partner wanting to
right caring for your partner wanting to
right caring for your partner wanting to see them build wealth and be successful
see them build wealth and be successful
see them build wealth and be successful I think our feminist values but we’re
I think our feminist values but we’re
I think our feminist values but we’re not telling stories about men and women
not telling stories about men and women
not telling stories about men and women working together to build family
working together to build family
working together to build family businesses and I think that’s a perfect
businesses and I think that’s a perfect
businesses and I think that’s a perfect example of feminism my last example is
example of feminism my last example is
example of feminism my last example is of a young man who unfortunately grew up
of a young man who unfortunately grew up
of a young man who unfortunately grew up without his dad his dad had a lot of
without his dad his dad had a lot of
without his dad his dad had a lot of women in his life and unfortunately his
women in his life and unfortunately his
women in his life and unfortunately his mother was not a priority and so he has
mother was not a priority and so he has
mother was not a priority and so he has vowed that he is going to stay you know
vowed that he is going to stay you know
vowed that he is going to stay you know committed and faithful to the woman in
committed and faithful to the woman in
committed and faithful to the woman in his life he’s gonna be honest and
his life he’s gonna be honest and
his life he’s gonna be honest and transparent about his dealings and that
transparent about his dealings and that
transparent about his dealings and that he’s going to be a good father and I
he’s going to be a good father and I
he’s going to be a good father and I don’t know any other better example of
don’t know any other better example of
don’t know any other better example of feminism than that treating your partner
feminism than that treating your partner
feminism than that treating your partner and women with respect being honest and
and women with respect being honest and
and women with respect being honest and straightforward right and raising sons
straightforward right and raising sons
straightforward right and raising sons and daughters to respect others but
and daughters to respect others but
and daughters to respect others but unfortunately when we talk about
unfortunately when we talk about
unfortunately when we talk about feminism we don’t talk about those real
feminism we don’t talk about those real
feminism we don’t talk about those real life day-to-day examples okay and while
life day-to-day examples okay and while
life day-to-day examples okay and while I have really great stories about men
I have really great stories about men
I have really great stories about men who’ve been positive feminists in my
who’ve been positive feminists in my
who’ve been positive feminists in my I also have the stories where it didn’t
I also have the stories where it didn’t
I also have the stories where it didn’t quite work out that well after business
quite work out that well after business
quite work out that well after business school I joined the company in which I
school I joined the company in which I
school I joined the company in which I was paid less than another man I knew
was paid less than another man I knew
was paid less than another man I knew exactly what he was making and what I
exactly what he was making and what I
exactly what he was making and what I was making our qualifications were the
was making our qualifications were the
was making our qualifications were the same we actually sat next to each other
same we actually sat next to each other
same we actually sat next to each other at graduation and when I told my friend
at graduation and when I told my friend
at graduation and when I told my friend at the concert that this happened to me
at the concert that this happened to me
at the concert that this happened to me and that was one of the reasons why
and that was one of the reasons why
and that was one of the reasons why feminism is important he said oh no that
feminism is important he said oh no that
feminism is important he said oh no that only happens in America that doesn’t
only happens in America that doesn’t
only happens in America that doesn’t happen here I said my friend it happened
happen here I said my friend it happened
happen here I said my friend it happened right here like I can show you my
right here like I can show you my
right here like I can show you my paperwork right and this company was ran
paperwork right and this company was ran
paperwork right and this company was ran by men they were all the leaders of men
by men they were all the leaders of men
by men they were all the leaders of men and I wish one of them would have stood
and I wish one of them would have stood
and I wish one of them would have stood up and said something in that
up and said something in that
up and said something in that conversation about how this isn’t fair
conversation about how this isn’t fair
conversation about how this isn’t fair and that we should treat all people the
and that we should treat all people the
and that we should treat all people the same and if they have the same
same and if they have the same
same and if they have the same qualifications and if they have the same
qualifications and if they have the same
qualifications and if they have the same degrees then we should treat them and
degrees then we should treat them and
degrees then we should treat them and value them the same so I think that we
value them the same so I think that we
value them the same so I think that we have a lot of work to do
have a lot of work to do
have a lot of work to do I don’t want men carrying banners I
I don’t want men carrying banners I
I don’t want men carrying banners I don’t need anyone to wear a t-shirt that
don’t need anyone to wear a t-shirt that
don’t need anyone to wear a t-shirt that says they’re a feminist I think it’s in
says they’re a feminist I think it’s in
says they’re a feminist I think it’s in those small examples and in those small
those small examples and in those small
those small examples and in those small day-to-day interactions that enable
day-to-day interactions that enable
day-to-day interactions that enable individuals and men to stand up and
individuals and men to stand up and
individuals and men to stand up and demonstrate their values at work when
demonstrate their values at work when
demonstrate their values at work when someone’s not being treated fairly with
someone’s not being treated fairly with
someone’s not being treated fairly with your friends when people are making
your friends when people are making
your friends when people are making disparaging comments those are the
disparaging comments those are the
disparaging comments those are the moments when we need men to stand up and
moments when we need men to stand up and
moments when we need men to stand up and represent their values so I think it’s
represent their values so I think it’s
represent their values so I think it’s about time that we challenge ourselves
about time that we challenge ourselves
about time that we challenge ourselves both men and women to talk about those
both men and women to talk about those
both men and women to talk about those examples and talk about those things
examples and talk about those things
examples and talk about those things that make us better people and make us
that make us better people and make us
that make us better people and make us and help us create a better society and
and help us create a better society and
and help us create a better society and I hope that today we start to think
I hope that today we start to think
I hope that today we start to think about what are those small things we can
about what are those small things we can
about what are those small things we can do to help create a more fair diverse
do to help create a more fair diverse
do to help create a more fair diverse and inclusive community
”
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