[Music] I want to start with doing a small
I want to start with doing a small
I want to start with doing a small survey with you for that please put your
survey with you for that please put your
survey with you for that please put your hands into your laps and close your eyes
hands into your laps and close your eyes
hands into your laps and close your eyes I will now pose a couple of questions to
I will now pose a couple of questions to
I will now pose a couple of questions to which I would love to have a very honest
which I would love to have a very honest
which I would love to have a very honest answer just by a show of hands no
answer just by a show of hands no
answer just by a show of hands no worries no one will judge you for it the
worries no one will judge you for it the
worries no one will judge you for it the first question is who of you has thought
first question is who of you has thought
first question is who of you has thought within the past week about whether or
within the past week about whether or
within the past week about whether or not you are an emotionally intelligent
not you are an emotionally intelligent
not you are an emotionally intelligent person now that you think of it would
person now that you think of it would
person now that you think of it would you consider yourself emotionally
you consider yourself emotionally
you consider yourself emotionally intelligent please raise your hand if
intelligent please raise your hand if
intelligent please raise your hand if you do so and who of you has ever worked
you do so and who of you has ever worked
you do so and who of you has ever worked consciously on your emotional skill
thank you for sharing you can now open
thank you for sharing you can now open your eyes again and thank you also for
your eyes again and thank you also for
your eyes again and thank you also for being so very honest with me now I also
being so very honest with me now I also
being so very honest with me now I also want to be honest with you emotional
want to be honest with you emotional
want to be honest with you emotional intelligence is not necessarily my main
intelligence is not necessarily my main
intelligence is not necessarily my main strength when I make decisions I base
strength when I make decisions I base
strength when I make decisions I base them solely on my rationale if friends
them solely on my rationale if friends
them solely on my rationale if friends from school hear me do this talk right
from school hear me do this talk right
from school hear me do this talk right now they will be very surprised because
now they will be very surprised because
now they will be very surprised because back then I didn’t even consider it
back then I didn’t even consider it
back then I didn’t even consider it emotions as something crucial they
emotions as something crucial they
emotions as something crucial they weren’t logical I couldn’t explain them
weren’t logical I couldn’t explain them
weren’t logical I couldn’t explain them very well
very well
very well so why would I care I never even
so why would I care I never even
so why would I care I never even actively thought about the topic until
actively thought about the topic until
actively thought about the topic until five years ago when I dropped out of a
five years ago when I dropped out of a
five years ago when I dropped out of a job because of a burnout it was then
job because of a burnout it was then
job because of a burnout it was then that my very emotional side was revealed
that my very emotional side was revealed
that my very emotional side was revealed and while I rarely cry before especially
and while I rarely cry before especially
and while I rarely cry before especially not in front of people I just couldn’t
not in front of people I just couldn’t
not in front of people I just couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my
stop the tears from streaming down my
stop the tears from streaming down my face at the most inconvenient of times
face at the most inconvenient of times
face at the most inconvenient of times anymore several times a day I went to
anymore several times a day I went to
anymore several times a day I went to the restroom just to hide my suffering
the restroom just to hide my suffering
the restroom just to hide my suffering and that made very clear to me that I
and that made very clear to me that I
and that made very clear to me that I need to work on this issue but now what
need to work on this issue but now what
need to work on this issue but now what is it this mysterious emotional
is it this mysterious emotional
is it this mysterious emotional intelligence when most people think of
intelligence when most people think of
intelligence when most people think of it they stop at the term emotional what
it they stop at the term emotional what
it they stop at the term emotional what do you connect to it I’d say it has a
do you connect to it I’d say it has a
do you connect to it I’d say it has a bad connotation describing a person
bad connotation describing a person
bad connotation describing a person having or expressing strong feelings and
having or expressing strong feelings and
having or expressing strong feelings and this connotation is also then therefore
this connotation is also then therefore
this connotation is also then therefore emotional intelligence a misconception
emotional intelligence a misconception
emotional intelligence a misconception that I had as well however it’s crucial
that I had as well however it’s crucial
that I had as well however it’s crucial to differentiate between emotional and
to differentiate between emotional and
to differentiate between emotional and the value that emotional intelligence
the value that emotional intelligence
the value that emotional intelligence can have because emotional intelligence
can have because emotional intelligence
can have because emotional intelligence is something fundamentally different
is something fundamentally different
is something fundamentally different it’s the ability to identify and manage
it’s the ability to identify and manage
it’s the ability to identify and manage your emotions and those of others and
your emotions and those of others and
your emotions and those of others and it’s set to include three skills first
it’s set to include three skills first
it’s set to include three skills first emotional awareness so empathy towards
emotional awareness so empathy towards
emotional awareness so empathy towards others but also towards the self second
others but also towards the self second
others but also towards the self second the ability to harness emotions and
the ability to harness emotions and
the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like problem-solving
apply them to tasks like problem-solving
apply them to tasks like problem-solving and third the ability to manage emotions
and third the ability to manage emotions
and third the ability to manage emotions which includes regulating your own
which includes regulating your own
which includes regulating your own emotions but also coming down or
emotions but also coming down or
emotions but also coming down or cheering up other people as you can
cheering up other people as you can
cheering up other people as you can clearly see by this contrast very
clearly see by this contrast very
clearly see by this contrast very emotional people do not necessarily or
emotional people do not necessarily or
emotional people do not necessarily or automatically have a high emotional
automatically have a high emotional
automatically have a high emotional intelligence because they may only
intelligence because they may only
intelligence because they may only display their emotions freely without
display their emotions freely without
display their emotions freely without thinking about or knowing why they have
thinking about or knowing why they have
thinking about or knowing why they have them and maybe not even considering the
them and maybe not even considering the
them and maybe not even considering the appropriateness of showing them in the
appropriateness of showing them in the
appropriateness of showing them in the respective situation now lacking
respective situation now lacking
respective situation now lacking emotional intelligence as
emotional intelligence as
emotional intelligence as kid or teenager meant for me that I
kid or teenager meant for me that I
kid or teenager meant for me that I would channel things like loneliness or
would channel things like loneliness or
would channel things like loneliness or fear sometimes into aggression my family
fear sometimes into aggression my family
fear sometimes into aggression my family background well let’s say is improvable
background well let’s say is improvable
background well let’s say is improvable so instead of finding the support that
so instead of finding the support that
so instead of finding the support that I’d need I’d rather get it on the basis
I’d need I’d rather get it on the basis
I’d need I’d rather get it on the basis of oh don’t be such a crybaby than
of oh don’t be such a crybaby than
of oh don’t be such a crybaby than anything else
anything else
anything else my parents didn’t teach me the value of
my parents didn’t teach me the value of
my parents didn’t teach me the value of emotions therefore losing friends or
emotions therefore losing friends or
emotions therefore losing friends or breakups would hit me harder than many
breakups would hit me harder than many
breakups would hit me harder than many others because I could neither fully
others because I could neither fully
others because I could neither fully understand my emotions nor those of the
understand my emotions nor those of the
understand my emotions nor those of the others they just didn’t make sense I
others they just didn’t make sense I
others they just didn’t make sense I thought I’m not supposed to feel that
thought I’m not supposed to feel that
thought I’m not supposed to feel that way because I’ve never learned how to
way because I’ve never learned how to
way because I’ve never learned how to deal with emotions and with time passing
deal with emotions and with time passing
deal with emotions and with time passing I realized I’m just one of many people
I realized I’m just one of many people
I realized I’m just one of many people having this issue have you ever thought
having this issue have you ever thought
having this issue have you ever thought about why people judge or bully each
about why people judge or bully each
about why people judge or bully each other beat kids or at work or even in
other beat kids or at work or even in
other beat kids or at work or even in toxic friendships or relationships and
toxic friendships or relationships and
toxic friendships or relationships and it can be anything ranging from sexism
it can be anything ranging from sexism
it can be anything ranging from sexism to racism it’s because of insecurity due
to racism it’s because of insecurity due
to racism it’s because of insecurity due to a lack of emotional intelligence
to a lack of emotional intelligence
to a lack of emotional intelligence because it’s hard to understand the
because it’s hard to understand the
because it’s hard to understand the difference between yourself and someone
difference between yourself and someone
difference between yourself and someone else and it’s even harder to connect on
else and it’s even harder to connect on
else and it’s even harder to connect on an emotional level to truly comprehend
an emotional level to truly comprehend
an emotional level to truly comprehend where someone else is coming from and in
where someone else is coming from and in
where someone else is coming from and in order to change that we first of all
order to change that we first of all
order to change that we first of all need to consider emotional intelligence
need to consider emotional intelligence
need to consider emotional intelligence as a crucial skill in our society and
as a crucial skill in our society and
as a crucial skill in our society and then also take the time to consciously
then also take the time to consciously
then also take the time to consciously work on it currently we do neither and
work on it currently we do neither and
work on it currently we do neither and we also don’t give our kids for example
we also don’t give our kids for example
we also don’t give our kids for example the space to learn the skill kids
the space to learn the skill kids
the space to learn the skill kids nowadays they are supposed to be good in
nowadays they are supposed to be good in
nowadays they are supposed to be good in school do sports play an instrument
school do sports play an instrument
school do sports play an instrument learn a foreign language and may
learn a foreign language and may
learn a foreign language and may even some additional things they don’t
even some additional things they don’t
even some additional things they don’t get the chance to get to know who they
get the chance to get to know who they
get the chance to get to know who they are connect to themselves and to their
are connect to themselves and to their
are connect to themselves and to their emotions and a fundamental part of being
emotions and a fundamental part of being
emotions and a fundamental part of being emotionally intelligent means knowing
emotionally intelligent means knowing
emotionally intelligent means knowing who you are and for them to learn we
who you are and for them to learn we
who you are and for them to learn we also need to learn it ourselves to be
also need to learn it ourselves to be
also need to learn it ourselves to be the role model that they need now you
the role model that they need now you
the role model that they need now you might be thinking yeah sure but how do
might be thinking yeah sure but how do
might be thinking yeah sure but how do we approach this topic individually but
we approach this topic individually but
we approach this topic individually but also as a society and basically it comes
also as a society and basically it comes
also as a society and basically it comes down to what everything comes down to we
down to what everything comes down to we
down to what everything comes down to we need to learn a new skill so when you
need to learn a new skill so when you
need to learn a new skill so when you learn a new skill you first of all need
learn a new skill you first of all need
learn a new skill you first of all need to become aware of your incompetence in
to become aware of your incompetence in
to become aware of your incompetence in the field so I got there with my burnout
the field so I got there with my burnout
the field so I got there with my burnout I’m pretty sure that you can manage that
I’m pretty sure that you can manage that
I’m pretty sure that you can manage that more easily and then you work on the
more easily and then you work on the
more easily and then you work on the skill until you manage it to the level
skill until you manage it to the level
skill until you manage it to the level that we want and after a while you will
that we want and after a while you will
that we want and after a while you will even be able to apply it without
even be able to apply it without
even be able to apply it without actively thinking about it
actively thinking about it
actively thinking about it take for example you driver’s license
take for example you driver’s license
take for example you driver’s license after a while you stop thinking oh I
after a while you stop thinking oh I
after a while you stop thinking oh I need to put in the next gear you just do
need to put in the next gear you just do
need to put in the next gear you just do so unconscious competence achieved now
so unconscious competence achieved now
so unconscious competence achieved now the tricky thing though is to get from
the tricky thing though is to get from
the tricky thing though is to get from conscious incompetence to conscious
conscious incompetence to conscious
conscious incompetence to conscious competence and we do that by learning
competence and we do that by learning
competence and we do that by learning the basics of how a car works and by
the basics of how a car works and by
the basics of how a car works and by practicing so in the beginning it’s may
practicing so in the beginning it’s may
practicing so in the beginning it’s may be difficult to steer the wheel at the
be difficult to steer the wheel at the
be difficult to steer the wheel at the same time as putting in the next gear
same time as putting in the next gear
same time as putting in the next gear but after a while it gets easier and
but after a while it gets easier and
but after a while it gets easier and with emotional intelligence it’s
with emotional intelligence it’s
with emotional intelligence it’s basically the same thing so I try to
basically the same thing so I try to
basically the same thing so I try to compile my experiences and came up with
compile my experiences and came up with
compile my experiences and came up with a six step guide that hopefully helps
a six step guide that hopefully helps
a six step guide that hopefully helps people to get more emotionally
people to get more emotionally
people to get more emotionally intelligent and the first thing that we
intelligent and the first thing that we
intelligent and the first thing that we need to do is we need to acknowledge our
need to do is we need to acknowledge our
need to do is we need to acknowledge our emotions but not only as such but it’s
emotions but not only as such but it’s
emotions but not only as such but it’s something valuable because that’s what
something valuable because that’s what
something valuable because that’s what they are according to research by
they are according to research by
they are according to research by Antonio Damasio Pia
Antonio Damasio Pia
Antonio Damasio Pia whose brain parts that are responsible
whose brain parts that are responsible
whose brain parts that are responsible for emotions have been damaged found
for emotions have been damaged found
for emotions have been damaged found themselves even having a harder time
themselves even having a harder time
themselves even having a harder time taking rational decisions that’s how
taking rational decisions that’s how
taking rational decisions that’s how valuable they are and the very first
valuable they are and the very first
valuable they are and the very first small but simple thing that you can do
small but simple thing that you can do
small but simple thing that you can do is you can ask people with genuine
is you can ask people with genuine
is you can ask people with genuine interest how they are feeling and when
interest how they are feeling and when
interest how they are feeling and when you’re asked answer with authenticity
you’re asked answer with authenticity
you’re asked answer with authenticity when you feel good but also when you
when you feel good but also when you
when you feel good but also when you feel bad
feel bad
feel bad so no I’m fine but also no complaining
so no I’m fine but also no complaining
so no I’m fine but also no complaining instead of complaining about your
instead of complaining about your
instead of complaining about your colleagues say I don’t feel appreciated
colleagues say I don’t feel appreciated
colleagues say I don’t feel appreciated at work or whatever it comes down to
at work or whatever it comes down to
at work or whatever it comes down to make it an iMessage and when people show
make it an iMessage and when people show
make it an iMessage and when people show emotions tell them that it’s okay to
emotions tell them that it’s okay to
emotions tell them that it’s okay to have those talk about them erase the
have those talk about them erase the
have those talk about them erase the taboo that I feel exists in our society
taboo that I feel exists in our society
taboo that I feel exists in our society of talking about emotions because that’s
of talking about emotions because that’s
of talking about emotions because that’s more often than not the one thing that
more often than not the one thing that
more often than not the one thing that keeps us from making the next step and
keeps us from making the next step and
keeps us from making the next step and the next step is differentiating and
the next step is differentiating and
the next step is differentiating and analyzing emotions so sometimes when we
analyzing emotions so sometimes when we
analyzing emotions so sometimes when we talk about or express a feeling we
talk about or express a feeling we
talk about or express a feeling we substitute the original one with one
substitute the original one with one
substitute the original one with one that we think we know better or are
that we think we know better or are
that we think we know better or are better at handling but there are
better at handling but there are
better at handling but there are actually a lot of different emotions and
actually a lot of different emotions and
actually a lot of different emotions and all of them have their functions and all
all of them have their functions and all
all of them have their functions and all of them might also need you to handle
of them might also need you to handle
of them might also need you to handle them differently therefore it’s
them differently therefore it’s
them differently therefore it’s important to get down to the core and
important to get down to the core and
important to get down to the core and then you also need to accept and
then you also need to accept and
then you also need to accept and appreciate all those emotions because
appreciate all those emotions because
appreciate all those emotions because emotions are neither good nor bad
emotions are neither good nor bad
emotions are neither good nor bad they just gain connotation through
they just gain connotation through
they just gain connotation through society take for example grieving or
society take for example grieving or
society take for example grieving or sadness why do we so desperately try to
sadness why do we so desperately try to
sadness why do we so desperately try to cut it out of our lives because actually
cut it out of our lives because actually
cut it out of our lives because actually it’s just a very beautiful illustration
it’s just a very beautiful illustration
it’s just a very beautiful illustration of the appreciation that we have for
of the appreciation that we have for
of the appreciation that we have for someone or something
someone or something
someone or something now I approach all three steps by
now I approach all three steps by
now I approach all three steps by writing my emotions down in a journal
writing my emotions down in a journal
writing my emotions down in a journal just for that I need basis so not
just for that I need basis so not
just for that I need basis so not necessarily daily but sometimes only
necessarily daily but sometimes only
necessarily daily but sometimes only every few weeks or maybe even only every
every few weeks or maybe even only every
every few weeks or maybe even only every few months friends of mine do similar
few months friends of mine do similar
few months friends of mine do similar things with apps if you want to be more
things with apps if you want to be more
things with apps if you want to be more modern and then there is the next step
modern and then there is the next step
modern and then there is the next step reflecting on your emotions and their
reflecting on your emotions and their
reflecting on your emotions and their origin because sometimes just knowing
origin because sometimes just knowing
origin because sometimes just knowing why we feel the way you do already helps
why we feel the way you do already helps
why we feel the way you do already helps us handle the feeling again for me
us handle the feeling again for me
us handle the feeling again for me covered when I write them down because
covered when I write them down because
covered when I write them down because it gives me time to actively think about
it gives me time to actively think about
it gives me time to actively think about them and then you get to handling your
them and then you get to handling your
them and then you get to handling your emotions because that’s what it’s all
emotions because that’s what it’s all
emotions because that’s what it’s all about isn’t it and as sad reflecting
about isn’t it and as sad reflecting
about isn’t it and as sad reflecting might already suffice but it might not
might already suffice but it might not
might already suffice but it might not and you may still need to find your way
and you may still need to find your way
and you may still need to find your way on how to handle your emotions because
on how to handle your emotions because
on how to handle your emotions because there is more than one way to skin a cat
there is more than one way to skin a cat
there is more than one way to skin a cat and I can only give you a few examples
and I can only give you a few examples
and I can only give you a few examples of what I did and what helped me if not
of what I did and what helped me if not
of what I did and what helped me if not handled emotion but at least find out
handled emotion but at least find out
handled emotion but at least find out how to handle it was writing it down
how to handle it was writing it down
how to handle it was writing it down because it put distance between me and
because it put distance between me and
because it put distance between me and my emotions there has even been a study
my emotions there has even been a study
my emotions there has even been a study conducted on the positive effects of
conducted on the positive effects of
conducted on the positive effects of written expression of emotions by
written expression of emotions by
written expression of emotions by Pennebaker and Smith and they published
Pennebaker and Smith and they published
Pennebaker and Smith and they published it in their book opening up by writing
it in their book opening up by writing
it in their book opening up by writing it down if you want to check it out
it down if you want to check it out
it down if you want to check it out because that’s actually another thing
because that’s actually another thing
because that’s actually another thing that I do I read on the topic currently
that I do I read on the topic currently
that I do I read on the topic currently I’m reading language of emotions by
I’m reading language of emotions by
I’m reading language of emotions by Carla McLaren literally any book by
Carla McLaren literally any book by
Carla McLaren literally any book by Brenda Brown is good to go but there are
Brenda Brown is good to go but there are
Brenda Brown is good to go but there are so many more and I talk to friends I ask
so many more and I talk to friends I ask
so many more and I talk to friends I ask them how do you approach this situation
them how do you approach this situation
them how do you approach this situation how do you approach that topic or this
how do you approach that topic or this
how do you approach that topic or this emotion and then it’s more or less a
emotion and then it’s more or less a
emotion and then it’s more or less a trial and error principle sometimes it
trial and error principle sometimes it
trial and error principle sometimes it may be sports sometimes it may be
may be sports sometimes it may be
may be sports sometimes it may be meditation it’s just important that you
meditation it’s just important that you
meditation it’s just important that you find your individual way
find your individual way
find your individual way and then handling the emotions of others
and then handling the emotions of others
and then handling the emotions of others and I’d say as soon as you master your
and I’d say as soon as you master your
and I’d say as soon as you master your emotions but also in the process of
emotions but also in the process of
emotions but also in the process of getting better at it
getting better at it
getting better at it you will find it easier and easier to
you will find it easier and easier to
you will find it easier and easier to also handle the emotions of others
also handle the emotions of others
also handle the emotions of others because you have a different
because you have a different
because you have a different understanding and understanding and
understanding and understanding and
understanding and understanding and awareness are the keys
awareness are the keys
awareness are the keys it gets even easier because you can
it gets even easier because you can
it gets even easier because you can simply ask the other person how you can
simply ask the other person how you can
simply ask the other person how you can support them because they might know or
support them because they might know or
support them because they might know or you can also ask them how they can
you can also ask them how they can
you can also ask them how they can support themselves because that way you
support themselves because that way you
support themselves because that way you not only help them in the acute
not only help them in the acute
not only help them in the acute situation but you actually help them
situation but you actually help them
situation but you actually help them develop their emotional intelligence and
develop their emotional intelligence and
develop their emotional intelligence and then when we have a few people being
then when we have a few people being
then when we have a few people being emotionally intelligent we also need to
emotionally intelligent we also need to
emotionally intelligent we also need to think about how can we teach our next
think about how can we teach our next
think about how can we teach our next generation and as a society I feel the
generation and as a society I feel the
generation and as a society I feel the most important thing that we need to do
most important thing that we need to do
most important thing that we need to do is implement emotional education in
is implement emotional education in
is implement emotional education in school teach children about the
school teach children about the
school teach children about the different emotions and their functions
different emotions and their functions
different emotions and their functions give them a space to openly talk about
give them a space to openly talk about
give them a space to openly talk about them so that they can acknowledge their
them so that they can acknowledge their
them so that they can acknowledge their emotions help them to accept and
emotions help them to accept and
emotions help them to accept and appreciate them to be honest it’s not
appreciate them to be honest it’s not
appreciate them to be honest it’s not that difficult most of the things that I
that difficult most of the things that I
that difficult most of the things that I mentioned can be easily put into
mentioned can be easily put into
mentioned can be easily put into practice in schools I mean how many
practice in schools I mean how many
practice in schools I mean how many books have you read in school why not
books have you read in school why not
books have you read in school why not make some of them about emotional
make some of them about emotional
make some of them about emotional intelligence or make kids work on case
intelligence or make kids work on case
intelligence or make kids work on case studies together so that they can
studies together so that they can
studies together so that they can exchange their ideas on how to approach
exchange their ideas on how to approach
exchange their ideas on how to approach topics and if we’re lucky they get out
topics and if we’re lucky they get out
topics and if we’re lucky they get out of school having learned this
of school having learned this
of school having learned this fundamental and crucial skill of
fundamental and crucial skill of
fundamental and crucial skill of emotional intelligence imagine the world
emotional intelligence imagine the world
emotional intelligence imagine the world that we would be living in if every one
that we would be living in if every one
that we would be living in if every one of us was emotionally intelligent what
of us was emotionally intelligent what
of us was emotionally intelligent what do you think would change being
do you think would change being
do you think would change being emotionally intelligent means knowing
emotionally intelligent means knowing
emotionally intelligent means knowing and understanding yourself thus it helps
and understanding yourself thus it helps
and understanding yourself thus it helps you make better decisions
you make better decisions
you make better decisions it would spare us from emotional
it would spare us from emotional
it would spare us from emotional suffering because we know where it comes
suffering because we know where it comes
suffering because we know where it comes from and we know how to handle it and
from and we know how to handle it and
from and we know how to handle it and maybe not even impose it upon others it
maybe not even impose it upon others it
maybe not even impose it upon others it would help us deal with interpersonal
would help us deal with interpersonal
would help us deal with interpersonal relationships because we also connect on
relationships because we also connect on
relationships because we also connect on a different level and interpersonal
a different level and interpersonal
a different level and interpersonal relationships are everywhere just think
relationships are everywhere just think
relationships are everywhere just think about it what would it mean to have an
about it what would it mean to have an
about it what would it mean to have an emotionally intelligent boss or what
emotionally intelligent boss or what
emotionally intelligent boss or what would it mean to have an emotionally
would it mean to have an emotionally
would it mean to have an emotionally intelligent parent if we were all
intelligent parent if we were all
intelligent parent if we were all emotionally intelligent how would we
emotionally intelligent how would we
emotionally intelligent how would we approach differences or how would we
approach differences or how would we
approach differences or how would we approach topics like mental health or
approach topics like mental health or
approach topics like mental health or how would we approach conflicts just
imagine in the world that we will be
imagine in the world that we will be living in a world full of mutual
living in a world full of mutual
living in a world full of mutual understanding acceptance tolerance and
understanding acceptance tolerance and
understanding acceptance tolerance and connection a truly inclusive world how
connection a truly inclusive world how
connection a truly inclusive world how awesome would that be
awesome would that be
awesome would that be thank you
”
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