I had a sort of secret desire as a high schooler to be a comedian
schooler to be a comedian
schooler to be a comedian I didn’t know that meant there is no
I didn’t know that meant there is no
I didn’t know that meant there is no secret society out there that will tap
secret society out there that will tap
secret society out there that will tap you on the shoulder one night and show
you on the shoulder one night and show
you on the shoulder one night and show you the way well working really hard to
you the way well working really hard to
you the way well working really hard to make jokes about ideas the lawyer for
make jokes about ideas the lawyer for
make jokes about ideas the lawyer for Google would read B statements that I
Google would read B statements that I
Google would read B statements that I said on air and I said well I didn’t say
said on air and I said well I didn’t say
said on air and I said well I didn’t say that he’s an American comedian writer
that he’s an American comedian writer
that he’s an American comedian writer actor and TV host he currently hosts a
actor and TV host he currently hosts a
actor and TV host he currently hosts a late-night television talk show on CBS
late-night television talk show on CBS
late-night television talk show on CBS his book I am America and so can you was
his book I am America and so can you was
his book I am America and so can you was number one on the New York Times
number one on the New York Times
number one on the New York Times bestseller list
bestseller list
bestseller list he’s Stephen Colbert and here is my take
he’s Stephen Colbert and here is my take
he’s Stephen Colbert and here is my take on his top ten rules to success rule
on his top ten rules to success rule
on his top ten rules to success rule number six is my personal favorite and
number six is my personal favorite and
number six is my personal favorite and make sure to stick around
make sure to stick around
make sure to stick around all through to the end for some special
all through to the end for some special
all through to the end for some special bonus clips also as Stephen is talking
bonus clips also as Stephen is talking
bonus clips also as Stephen is talking if he says something that really
if he says something that really
if he says something that really inspires you please leave it in the
inspires you please leave it in the
inspires you please leave it in the comments below and put quotes around it
comments below and put quotes around it
comments below and put quotes around it so other people can be inspired as well
we had only been on the 32 I think we
we had only been on the 32 I think we hadn’t done even 50 shows Wow and so I
hadn’t done even 50 shows Wow and so I
hadn’t done even 50 shows Wow and so I called John Stewart and I said John I I
called John Stewart and I said John I I
called John Stewart and I said John I I just got invited you know for the
just got invited you know for the
just got invited you know for the Correspondents Dinner
Correspondents Dinner
Correspondents Dinner do you think I should do it and he said
do you think I should do it and he said
do you think I should do it and he said what lights a attend and I say no they
what lights a attend and I say no they
what lights a attend and I say no they want me because they want you to be the
want me because they want you to be the
want me because they want you to be the guy like to stand next to the president
guy like to stand next to the president
guy like to stand next to the president do they know what you do and I said I
do they know what you do and I said I
do they know what you do and I said I don’t know and I said I think I have to
don’t know and I said I think I have to
don’t know and I said I think I have to do which was you have to do it you now
do which was you have to do it you now
do which was you have to do it you now you have to do it so don’t pay attention
you have to do it so don’t pay attention
you have to do it so don’t pay attention to the approval ratings that say that’s
to the approval ratings that say that’s
to the approval ratings that say that’s 68% of Americans disapprove of the job
68% of Americans disapprove of the job
68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing I ask you this does
this man is doing I ask you this does
this man is doing I ask you this does that not also logically mean that 68%
that not also logically mean that 68%
that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he’s not doing think
approve of the job he’s not doing think
approve of the job he’s not doing think about it I haven’t
about it I haven’t
about it I haven’t why did comedy kind of become your thing
why did comedy kind of become your thing
why did comedy kind of become your thing do you think or did comedy kind of pick
do you think or did comedy kind of pick
do you think or did comedy kind of pick you well that’s that’s a nice way of
you well that’s that’s a nice way of
you well that’s that’s a nice way of putting it
putting it
putting it that’s a nice way of putting it I would
that’s a nice way of putting it I would
that’s a nice way of putting it I would say that the you know I I can’t under
emphasize how important comedies been to
emphasize how important comedies been to my life and how important certain you
my life and how important certain you
my life and how important certain you know opportunities that came along to my
know opportunities that came along to my
know opportunities that came along to my life and they all many of them seem sort
life and they all many of them seem sort
life and they all many of them seem sort of accidental for instance like second
of accidental for instance like second
of accidental for instance like second city I never thought of my side iddin
city I never thought of my side iddin
city I never thought of my side iddin think I was gonna be a comedian I had a
think I was gonna be a comedian I had a
think I was gonna be a comedian I had a sort of secret desire as a high schooler
sort of secret desire as a high schooler
sort of secret desire as a high schooler to be a comedian I didn’t know what that
to be a comedian I didn’t know what that
to be a comedian I didn’t know what that meant you know I didn’t know what I just
meant you know I didn’t know what I just
meant you know I didn’t know what I just really liked being funny I’m from one of
really liked being funny I’m from one of
really liked being funny I’m from one of eleven kids and we’re a funny family and
eleven kids and we’re a funny family and
eleven kids and we’re a funny family and being funny was important like the king
being funny was important like the king
being funny was important like the king of the room was whoever was funniest you
of the room was whoever was funniest you
of the room was whoever was funniest you know and I remember as a child you know
know and I remember as a child you know
know and I remember as a child you know I seen comedy helping my man family had
I seen comedy helping my man family had
I seen comedy helping my man family had a tragedy when I was younger my father
a tragedy when I was younger my father
a tragedy when I was younger my father until my brothers died and I remember my
until my brothers died and I remember my
until my brothers died and I remember my sister making another one of my sisters
sister making another one of my sisters
sister making another one of my sisters laughed so hard on the way on the the
laughed so hard on the way on the the
laughed so hard on the way on the the car away from the cemetery one of my
car away from the cemetery one of my
car away from the cemetery one of my sisters made the other sister laugh so
sisters made the other sister laugh so
sisters made the other sister laugh so hard that she fell on the floor of the
hard that she fell on the floor of the
hard that she fell on the floor of the limo one of the big floors like with the
limo one of the big floors like with the
limo one of the big floors like with the Rumbles
Rumbles
Rumbles facing each other and she fell on the
facing each other and she fell on the
facing each other and she fell on the floor laughing and I remember thinking I
floor laughing and I remember thinking I
floor laughing and I remember thinking I want to do that and I don’t know whether
want to do that and I don’t know whether
want to do that and I don’t know whether it was specifically within the context
it was specifically within the context
it was specifically within the context of dealing with tragedy because I don’t
of dealing with tragedy because I don’t
of dealing with tragedy because I don’t think I was always on ten and but I
think I was always on ten and but I
think I was always on ten and but I remember especially thinking I want that
remember especially thinking I want that
remember especially thinking I want that I’d love to have been able to do that
I’d love to have been able to do that
I’d love to have been able to do that right now and then I fell asleep every
right now and then I fell asleep every
right now and then I fell asleep every night for years listening to Bill Cosby
night for years listening to Bill Cosby
night for years listening to Bill Cosby wonderfulness very funny fellow David
wonderfulness very funny fellow David
wonderfulness very funny fellow David Frye Richard Nixon a fantasy George
Frye Richard Nixon a fantasy George
Frye Richard Nixon a fantasy George Carlin class clown let’s get small wild
Carlin class clown let’s get small wild
Carlin class clown let’s get small wild and crazy guy and I would just back when
and crazy guy and I would just back when
and crazy guy and I would just back when you could stack albums so many stacks
you could stack albums so many stacks
you could stack albums so many stacks how many of them the top one
how many of them the top one
how many of them the top one contemplates role as it went around and
contemplates role as it went around and
contemplates role as it went around and and then I went to a college to be an
and then I went to a college to be an
and then I went to a college to be an actor but an actor actor I were black
actor but an actor actor I were black
actor but an actor actor I were black and I had a beard and you know I was
and I had a beard and you know I was
and I had a beard and you know I was like let me share my misery with you you
like let me share my misery with you you
like let me share my misery with you you know poet slash jerk kind of actor and
know poet slash jerk kind of actor and
know poet slash jerk kind of actor and then I accidentally met some people from
then I accidentally met some people from
then I accidentally met some people from second city and and took some classes
second city and and took some classes
second city and and took some classes there and got invited to audition and
there and got invited to audition and
there and got invited to audition and accidentally just sort of the happy
accidentally just sort of the happy
accidentally just sort of the happy accident fell in with some great people
accident fell in with some great people
accident fell in with some great people and I still was I quit second city four
and I still was I quit second city four
and I still was I quit second city four times in order to go do straight black
times in order to go do straight black
times in order to go do straight black box avant-garde kind of theater in
box avant-garde kind of theater in
box avant-garde kind of theater in Chicago which is that’s what I was gonna
Chicago which is that’s what I was gonna
Chicago which is that’s what I was gonna be I was gonna live in a studio
be I was gonna live in a studio
be I was gonna live in a studio apartment with no furniture and a futon
apartment with no furniture and a futon
apartment with no furniture and a futon on the floor that I stuffed myself with
on the floor that I stuffed myself with
on the floor that I stuffed myself with yak fur and just drained be single and
yak fur and just drained be single and
yak fur and just drained be single and with the beard and you know sandals and
with the beard and you know sandals and
with the beard and you know sandals and a dashiki and I was gonna you know drink
a dashiki and I was gonna you know drink
a dashiki and I was gonna you know drink from a samovar that was constantly
from a samovar that was constantly
from a samovar that was constantly bubbling in the background and and but
bubbling in the background and and but
bubbling in the background and and but then one day I was backstage I kept on
then one day I was backstage I kept on
then one day I was backstage I kept on returning to doing comedy and I was
returning to doing comedy and I was
returning to doing comedy and I was backstage one one night and this is
backstage one one night and this is
backstage one one night and this is really the thing that made the decision
really the thing that made the decision
really the thing that made the decision for me I was backstage with a guy named
for me I was backstage with a guy named
for me I was backstage with a guy named Dave Rose outski who does a does a
Dave Rose outski who does a does a
Dave Rose outski who does a does a what’s called a web there’s a muscle
what’s called a web there’s a muscle
what’s called a web there’s a muscle blog was over audio it does a podcast as
blog was over audio it does a podcast as
blog was over audio it does a podcast as a podcast yeah what do you kids do your
a podcast yeah what do you kids do your
a podcast yeah what do you kids do your podcasts it’s great guy we’re backstage
podcasts it’s great guy we’re backstage
podcasts it’s great guy we’re backstage somebody was on stage and they were
somebody was on stage and they were
somebody was on stage and they were supposed to do a very simple blackout
supposed to do a very simple blackout
supposed to do a very simple blackout and a blackout is a very short it’s got
and a blackout is a very short it’s got
and a blackout is a very short it’s got one joke and then the lights go out this
one joke and then the lights go out this
one joke and then the lights go out this is second city
is second city
is second city it’s a pace keeper for the show she goes
it’s a pace keeper for the show she goes
it’s a pace keeper for the show she goes out there and the blackout is this she
out there and the blackout is this she
out there and the blackout is this she goes you know
goes you know
goes you know supposed to say I like to sound for you
supposed to say I like to sound for you
supposed to say I like to sound for you now welcome to the you know the no exit
now welcome to the you know the no exit
now welcome to the you know the no exit cafe like to Assam feet right now a song
cafe like to Assam feet right now a song
cafe like to Assam feet right now a song for the whales and then she did to make
for the whales and then she did to make
for the whales and then she did to make thing of you tune up your guitar for a
thing of you tune up your guitar for a
thing of you tune up your guitar for a long time this is something for the
long time this is something for the
long time this is something for the whales and then you go very simple you
whales and then you go very simple you
whales and then you go very simple you do whistling clicks and everything it’s
do whistling clicks and everything it’s
do whistling clicks and everything it’s fine
fine
fine not a big not a great laughs but it
not a big not a great laughs but it
not a big not a great laughs but it works every time she goes out there to
works every time she goes out there to
works every time she goes out there to do it I like I like do a song for you
do it I like I like do a song for you
do it I like I like do a song for you right now
right now
right now I do thumb for you right now she just
I do thumb for you right now she just
I do thumb for you right now she just goes into her whistling and her clicking
goes into her whistling and her clicking
goes into her whistling and her clicking and we’re backstage waiting to go on for
and we’re backstage waiting to go on for
and we’re backstage waiting to go on for the next scene me and Dave and we said
the next scene me and Dave and we said
the next scene me and Dave and we said was not getting any laughs what’s this
was not getting any laughs what’s this
was not getting any laughs what’s this is foolproof
is foolproof
is foolproof no laughs at all what’s going on
no laughs at all what’s going on
no laughs at all what’s going on something’s wrong and then she goes oh I
something’s wrong and then she goes oh I
something’s wrong and then she goes oh I forgot it’s song for whales
and we burst into laughter backstage and
and we burst into laughter backstage and we threw our arms around each other in
we threw our arms around each other in
we threw our arms around each other in the agony of her failure and we’re just
the agony of her failure and we’re just
the agony of her failure and we’re just laughing we fell like I like at like a
laughing we fell like I like at like a
laughing we fell like I like at like a collapsing teepee we just fell to the
collapsing teepee we just fell to the
collapsing teepee we just fell to the ground and Dave’s feet went out on to
ground and Dave’s feet went out on to
ground and Dave’s feet went out on to stage like this as we held each other
stage like this as we held each other
stage like this as we held each other like lovers the most intimate joyful
like lovers the most intimate joyful
like lovers the most intimate joyful experience at her pain that we all knew
experience at her pain that we all knew
experience at her pain that we all knew and she could hear it happen an audience
and she could hear it happen an audience
and she could hear it happen an audience could see her feet and she started
could see her feet and she started
could see her feet and she started laughing at how wonderfully she had just
laughing at how wonderfully she had just
laughing at how wonderfully she had just failed and and I thought at that moment
failed and and I thought at that moment
failed and and I thought at that moment this is what I want if if failure of
this is what I want if if failure of
this is what I want if if failure of this scale can cause this much joy for
this scale can cause this much joy for
this scale can cause this much joy for anyone then this is the healthiest thing
anyone then this is the healthiest thing
anyone then this is the healthiest thing that I could do with the rest of my life
that I could do with the rest of my life
that I could do with the rest of my life and I will do nothing else and I’ve
and I will do nothing else and I’ve
and I will do nothing else and I’ve never looked back from that moment well
never looked back from that moment well
never looked back from that moment well what is the goal in your mind what was
what is the goal in your mind what was
what is the goal in your mind what was the goal of political satire to make
the goal of political satire to make
the goal of political satire to make people laugh you know I would make jokes
people laugh you know I would make jokes
people laugh you know I would make jokes about politics because my model was the
about politics because my model was the
about politics because my model was the news and I care about politics and I
news and I care about politics and I
news and I care about politics and I care about the I care about current
care about the I care about current
care about the I care about current events and I’ll always do jokes about
events and I’ll always do jokes about
events and I’ll always do jokes about that I mean the new show has that as
that I mean the new show has that as
that I mean the new show has that as well we’re definitely that that’s a big
well we’re definitely that that’s a big
well we’re definitely that that’s a big part of the news show especially going
part of the news show especially going
part of the news show especially going into a presidential election but the
into a presidential election but the
into a presidential election but the goal is to make people laugh I mean
goal is to make people laugh I mean
goal is to make people laugh I mean politics is incredibly frustrating the
politics is incredibly frustrating the
politics is incredibly frustrating the news can be incredibly depressing if we
news can be incredibly depressing if we
news can be incredibly depressing if we just make your day a little bit better
just make your day a little bit better
just make your day a little bit better you know at the end because we we make
you know at the end because we we make
you know at the end because we we make jokes the show’s yeah we feel the same
jokes the show’s yeah we feel the same
jokes the show’s yeah we feel the same way you do or like or rather we curate
way you do or like or rather we curate
way you do or like or rather we curate for you our feelings about the news and
for you our feelings about the news and
for you our feelings about the news and maybe you agree with our jokes or what’s
maybe you agree with our jokes or what’s
maybe you agree with our jokes or what’s funny about the day’s news that that
funny about the day’s news that that
funny about the day’s news that that sense of connection between the
sense of connection between the
sense of connection between the performer of the audience is the entire
performer of the audience is the entire
performer of the audience is the entire intention you know why does anybody why
intention you know why does anybody why
intention you know why does anybody why does anybody what does anybody want not
does anybody what does anybody want not
does anybody what does anybody want not to be alone and I think a performer gets
to be alone and I think a performer gets
to be alone and I think a performer gets on stage and says the things that are in
on stage and says the things that are in
on stage and says the things that are in his mind in his own particular way to
his mind in his own particular way to
his mind in his own particular way to make a connection with an audience so he
make a connection with an audience so he
make a connection with an audience so he doesn’t feel so alone and and hopefully
doesn’t feel so alone and and hopefully
doesn’t feel so alone and and hopefully the audience feels the same way you know
the audience feels the same way you know
the audience feels the same way you know not over it’s not conscious it’s not
not over it’s not conscious it’s not
not over it’s not conscious it’s not conscious it’s it’s here it’s not here
conscious it’s it’s here it’s not here
conscious it’s it’s here it’s not here and so that’s got to be
and so that’s got to be
and so that’s got to be goal that connection has got to be the
goal that connection has got to be the
goal that connection has got to be the goal and the making somebody laugh has
goal and the making somebody laugh has
goal and the making somebody laugh has got to be the goal you can’t think that
got to be the goal you can’t think that
got to be the goal you can’t think that your your your satire is gonna change
your your your satire is gonna change
your your your satire is gonna change things Peter Cook famously said great
things Peter Cook famously said great
things Peter Cook famously said great the great satirist work with Dudley
the great satirist work with Dudley
the great satirist work with Dudley Moore and in Beyond the Fringe he
Moore and in Beyond the Fringe he
Moore and in Beyond the Fringe he famously said that the greatest satire
famously said that the greatest satire
famously said that the greatest satire of the 20th century was the VY mark
of the 20th century was the VY mark
of the 20th century was the VY mark cabaret and boy they just stopped Hitler
cabaret and boy they just stopped Hitler
cabaret and boy they just stopped Hitler in their tracks you know you know it you
in their tracks you know you know it you
in their tracks you know you know it you can’t imagine that however great your
can’t imagine that however great your
can’t imagine that however great your joke is that it’s gonna change things
joke is that it’s gonna change things
joke is that it’s gonna change things what it does is is just make a
what it does is is just make a
what it does is is just make a connection with an audience who’s
connection with an audience who’s
connection with an audience who’s feeling the same way you do while
feeling the same way you do while
feeling the same way you do while traditional paths may seem harder to
traditional paths may seem harder to
traditional paths may seem harder to find that also means that you may lune
find that also means that you may lune
find that also means that you may lune learn sooner than most generations the
learn sooner than most generations the
learn sooner than most generations the hard lesson that you must always make
hard lesson that you must always make
hard lesson that you must always make the path for yourself there is no secret
the path for yourself there is no secret
the path for yourself there is no secret society out there that will tap you on
society out there that will tap you on
society out there that will tap you on the shoulder one night and show you the
the shoulder one night and show you the
the shoulder one night and show you the way because the true secret is your life
way because the true secret is your life
way because the true secret is your life will not be defined by the society that
will not be defined by the society that
will not be defined by the society that we have left you
we have left you
we have left you to paraphrase Robert bolt Society has no
to paraphrase Robert bolt Society has no
to paraphrase Robert bolt Society has no more idea of what you are than you do
more idea of what you are than you do
more idea of what you are than you do because ultimately it has only your
because ultimately it has only your
because ultimately it has only your brains to think with every generation
brains to think with every generation
brains to think with every generation must define itself and so make the world
must define itself and so make the world
must define itself and so make the world that suits itself so if you must find
that suits itself so if you must find
that suits itself so if you must find your own path and we have left to no
your own path and we have left to no
your own path and we have left to no easy path then decide now to choose the
easy path then decide now to choose the
easy path then decide now to choose the hard path that leads to the life and the
hard path that leads to the life and the
hard path that leads to the life and the world that you want in my experience you
world that you want in my experience you
world that you want in my experience you will truly serve only what you love
will truly serve only what you love
will truly serve only what you love because service is love made visible if
because service is love made visible if
because service is love made visible if you love friends you will serve your
you love friends you will serve your
you love friends you will serve your friends if you love community you will
friends if you love community you will
friends if you love community you will serve your community if you love money
serve your community if you love money
serve your community if you love money you will serve your money and if you
you will serve your money and if you
you will serve your money and if you love only yourself you will serve only
love only yourself you will serve only
love only yourself you will serve only yourself and you will have only yourself
yourself and you will have only yourself
yourself and you will have only yourself so no winning instead try to love others
so no winning instead try to love others
so no winning instead try to love others and serve others and hopefully find
and serve others and hopefully find
and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return I
those who love and serve you in return I
those who love and serve you in return I was just wondering if you have anything
was just wondering if you have anything
was just wondering if you have anything left in your career wish list sure I
left in your career wish list sure I
left in your career wish list sure I never I just don’t know I I never know
never I just don’t know I I never know
never I just don’t know I I never know what’s gonna happen you know even
what’s gonna happen you know even
what’s gonna happen you know even tomorrow I’ve got to spend the week with
tomorrow I’ve got to spend the week with
tomorrow I’ve got to spend the week with you know some of my favorite creative
you know some of my favorite creative
you know some of my favorite creative artists with the Hobbit you know it was
artists with the Hobbit you know it was
artists with the Hobbit you know it was unbelievable what a workshop made my my
unbelievable what a workshop made my my
unbelievable what a workshop made my my own Hobbit feet you know next week I get
own Hobbit feet you know next week I get
own Hobbit feet you know next week I get to sing with all these wonderful artists
to sing with all these wonderful artists
to sing with all these wonderful artists you know doing Christmas carols I’ve
you know doing Christmas carols I’ve
you know doing Christmas carols I’ve done my own Christmas special I’ve had a
done my own Christmas special I’ve had a
done my own Christmas special I’ve had a rally on the mall I’ve testified before
rally on the mall I’ve testified before
rally on the mall I’ve testified before Congress I’ve I may or may not appear in
Congress I’ve I may or may not appear in
Congress I’ve I may or may not appear in The Hobbit I get I get to the nice thing
The Hobbit I get I get to the nice thing
The Hobbit I get I get to the nice thing about my show and whether or not I do
about my show and whether or not I do
about my show and whether or not I do the show forever I mean everything ends
the show forever I mean everything ends
the show forever I mean everything ends but whether or not I do the show forever
but whether or not I do the show forever
but whether or not I do the show forever the nice thing about my show is that as
the nice thing about my show is that as
the nice thing about my show is that as the host and executive producer I get to
the host and executive producer I get to
the host and executive producer I get to ask of myself anything I want to try and
ask of myself anything I want to try and
ask of myself anything I want to try and and and but that also means I have to do
and and but that also means I have to do
and and but that also means I have to do everything I know and so it’s just a
everything I know and so it’s just a
everything I know and so it’s just a tremendous sort of refreshing gift as
tremendous sort of refreshing gift as
tremendous sort of refreshing gift as tiring as the show sort of is because I
tiring as the show sort of is because I
tiring as the show sort of is because I am kind of decaying before your eyes
am kind of decaying before your eyes
am kind of decaying before your eyes it’s it’s in in the same way it’s also
it’s it’s in in the same way it’s also
it’s it’s in in the same way it’s also rejuvenating because I’m I the show is
rejuvenating because I’m I the show is
rejuvenating because I’m I the show is only what I want it to be I can always
only what I want it to be I can always
only what I want it to be I can always say no to myself or or ask myself
say no to myself or or ask myself
say no to myself or or ask myself something new but beyond this I just
something new but beyond this I just
something new but beyond this I just want to work with people I like I love
want to work with people I like I love
want to work with people I like I love the people I work with I love what we do
the people I work with I love what we do
the people I work with I love what we do and I just want to be able to do with
and I just want to be able to do with
and I just want to be able to do with joy in the moment I can’t do that I have
joy in the moment I can’t do that I have
joy in the moment I can’t do that I have got to stop and try to do something else
got to stop and try to do something else
got to stop and try to do something else when I have both hosted the White House
when I have both hosted the White House
when I have both hosted the White House Correspondents Dinner yes I have to say
Correspondents Dinner yes I have to say
Correspondents Dinner yes I have to say I was very inspired by Stephen when you
I was very inspired by Stephen when you
I was very inspired by Stephen when you call President Bush your nigga I
call President Bush your nigga I
call President Bush your nigga I couldn’t I I could not believe you did
couldn’t I I could not believe you did
couldn’t I I could not believe you did this
this
this well very few people associated berge
well very few people associated berge
well very few people associated berge that took me to say that is very brave
that took me to say that is very brave
that took me to say that is very brave yeah thank you
yeah thank you
yeah thank you I kind of stole it from you so I just
I kind of stole it from you so I just
I kind of stole it from you so I just want to give you props man we’re
want to give you props man we’re
want to give you props man we’re probably you got a baby you got it you
probably you got a baby you got it you
probably you got a baby you got it you got it so
got it so
got it so got it what what’s the ho that is that
got it what what’s the ho that is that
got it what what’s the ho that is that is a really tough room
is a really tough room
is a really tough room well people at home don’t understand is
well people at home don’t understand is
well people at home don’t understand is that all they ever see on TV is like the
that all they ever see on TV is like the
that all they ever see on TV is like the dais and a couple of people in the front
dais and a couple of people in the front
dais and a couple of people in the front row it’s 3,000 people in that row is a
row it’s 3,000 people in that row is a
row it’s 3,000 people in that row is a huge room you know Harry J Lennox – no –
huge room you know Harry J Lennox – no –
huge room you know Harry J Lennox – no – no Harry as Harry’s is a various guy
no Harry as Harry’s is a various guy
no Harry as Harry’s is a various guy with no treasure he’s an actor he’s
with no treasure he’s an actor he’s
with no treasure he’s an actor he’s great actor he’s a very very dignified
great actor he’s a very very dignified
great actor he’s a very very dignified very talented african-american actor we
very talented african-american actor we
very talented african-american actor we went to Northwestern University together
went to Northwestern University together
went to Northwestern University together but I had not seen Harry in like 20
but I had not seen Harry in like 20
but I had not seen Harry in like 20 years and he was there the night I did
years and he was there the night I did
years and he was there the night I did it and I’m on the dais and I’ve just
it and I’m on the dais and I’ve just
it and I’m on the dais and I’ve just finished it nobody’s looking at me like
finished it nobody’s looking at me like
finished it nobody’s looking at me like no one will make eye contact and and and
no one will make eye contact and and and
no one will make eye contact and and and Harry comes up and and and he’s at the
Harry comes up and and and he’s at the
Harry comes up and and and he’s at the dais and he’s every still up there and
dais and he’s every still up there and
dais and he’s every still up there and he goes hey man that was really good
he goes hey man that was really good
he goes hey man that was really good I said Perry it was it’s really it’s
I said Perry it was it’s really it’s
I said Perry it was it’s really it’s really great to see you I’m I don’t
really great to see you I’m I don’t
really great to see you I’m I don’t think these people liked it right and
think these people liked it right and
think these people liked it right and Harry is so wonderful so dignified and
Harry is so wonderful so dignified and
Harry is so wonderful so dignified and just such got a fantastic voice he leans
just such got a fantastic voice he leans
just such got a fantastic voice he leans back he goes these people that was good
back he goes these people that was good
back he goes these people that was good he said there
so Larry yes what’s interesting about
so Larry yes what’s interesting about the I think there is Union and your
the I think there is Union and your
the I think there is Union and your character and you personally are very
character and you personally are very
character and you personally are very very supportive of the troops and I
very supportive of the troops and I
very supportive of the troops and I remember in when you were in Iraq right
remember in when you were in Iraq right
remember in when you were in Iraq right you got the president to order you to
you got the president to order you to
you got the president to order you to get a haircut
get a haircut
get a haircut yeah pretty serious that was fun yeah
yeah pretty serious that was fun yeah
yeah pretty serious that was fun yeah sure yeah yeah and we I knew I wanted to
sure yeah yeah and we I knew I wanted to
sure yeah yeah and we I knew I wanted to have my hair head shaved because I
have my hair head shaved because I
have my hair head shaved because I thought that’ll be that feel good in the
thought that’ll be that feel good in the
thought that’ll be that feel good in the room you know that’ll feel good with all
room you know that’ll feel good with all
room you know that’ll feel good with all the troops and I said who could shave my
the troops and I said who could shave my
the troops and I said who could shave my head the general said well who’s gonna
head the general said well who’s gonna
head the general said well who’s gonna make the general do it and everybody
make the general do it and everybody
make the general do it and everybody said yes it was really lovely
said yes it was really lovely
said yes it was really lovely and I think this is work that you’re
and I think this is work that you’re
and I think this is work that you’re doing with the troops is fantastic it
doing with the troops is fantastic it
doing with the troops is fantastic it was there some reason and sort of
was there some reason and sort of
was there some reason and sort of growing up or something that you felt
growing up or something that you felt
growing up or something that you felt that way or is it just you’re just a
that way or is it just you’re just a
that way or is it just you’re just a genuine Patriot about this stuff um I
genuine Patriot about this stuff um I
genuine Patriot about this stuff um I don’t know about you know I’m a general
don’t know about you know I’m a general
don’t know about you know I’m a general paid genuine patriot I love my country
paid genuine patriot I love my country
paid genuine patriot I love my country and I think patriotism does not require
and I think patriotism does not require
and I think patriotism does not require focus on the troops joining mean there
focus on the troops joining mean there
focus on the troops joining mean there are other ways to be patriotic other
are other ways to be patriotic other
are other ways to be patriotic other than association with the military that
than association with the military that
than association with the military that being said I think not enough attention
being said I think not enough attention
being said I think not enough attention is paid to the men and women who make
is paid to the men and women who make
is paid to the men and women who make the sacrifices that we have collectively
the sacrifices that we have collectively
the sacrifices that we have collectively decided they should make and then ignore
decided they should make and then ignore
decided they should make and then ignore yes you know I mean we were all
yes you know I mean we were all
yes you know I mean we were all responsible we all are we all are
responsible we all are we all are
responsible we all are we all are sending the troop orders Jimmy and we
sending the troop orders Jimmy and we
sending the troop orders Jimmy and we did it without a lot of thought but with
did it without a lot of thought but with
did it without a lot of thought but with a lot of emotion 10 11 years ago and not
a lot of emotion 10 11 years ago and not
a lot of emotion 10 11 years ago and not a lot of discussion and then we thought
a lot of discussion and then we thought
a lot of discussion and then we thought our job was done and so because I talk
our job was done and so because I talk
our job was done and so because I talk about it a lot or used to talk about her
about it a lot or used to talk about her
about it a lot or used to talk about her more when it was more in the
more when it was more in the
more when it was more in the consciousness spelling the news
consciousness spelling the news
consciousness spelling the news consciousness because I much I was a
consciousness because I much I was a
consciousness because I much I was a shadow of the actual news and I’m in
shadow of the actual news and I’m in
shadow of the actual news and I’m in some ways very reactive that way I’ve
some ways very reactive that way I’ve
some ways very reactive that way I’ve failed at a certain point that I I had a
failed at a certain point that I I had a
failed at a certain point that I I had a responsibility along with my responsible
responsibility along with my responsible
responsibility along with my responsible to be funny to take opportunities that
to be funny to take opportunities that
to be funny to take opportunities that came to me to talk about the troops when
came to me to talk about the troops when
came to me to talk about the troops when I can early on I have a 86 airborne and
I can early on I have a 86 airborne and
I can early on I have a 86 airborne and I started 82nd airborne flag in my
I started 82nd airborne flag in my
I started 82nd airborne flag in my office because very early on in the show
office because very early on in the show
office because very early on in the show a young man and his wife came and she
a young man and his wife came and she
a young man and his wife came and she had to speak for him cuz he was he had
had to speak for him cuz he was he had
had to speak for him cuz he was he had such brain bad brain damage and he still
such brain bad brain damage and he still
such brain bad brain damage and he still he still could hear but he couldn’t
he still could hear but he couldn’t
he still could hear but he couldn’t leakin converse and he enjoyed the show
leakin converse and he enjoyed the show
leakin converse and he enjoyed the show and he gave me the flag and all
and he gave me the flag and all
and he gave me the flag and all could really get out was don’t forget us
could really get out was don’t forget us
could really get out was don’t forget us yeah please keep talking about us so
yeah please keep talking about us so
yeah please keep talking about us so I’ve got on my wall and I think about it
I’ve got on my wall and I think about it
I’ve got on my wall and I think about it and we don’t nearly do enough and we
and we don’t nearly do enough and we
and we don’t nearly do enough and we don’t help as much as we don’t help as
don’t help as much as we don’t help as
don’t help as much as we don’t help as much as we should but certainly when you
much as we should but certainly when you
much as we should but certainly when you have an opportunity that fits within
have an opportunity that fits within
have an opportunity that fits within their I self responsibility to do a
their I self responsibility to do a
their I self responsibility to do a comedy show when I can fit those two
comedy show when I can fit those two
comedy show when I can fit those two things together were were more than
things together were were more than
things together were were more than happy to try to make it happen and and
happy to try to make it happen and and
happy to try to make it happen and and as I said we should do more when I I
as I said we should do more when I I
as I said we should do more when I I came back to the Daily Show
came back to the Daily Show
came back to the Daily Show John was the new host and it was a
John was the new host and it was a
John was the new host and it was a totally different show because John
totally different show because John
totally different show because John invited all of us who were on the show
invited all of us who were on the show
invited all of us who were on the show not just doing good jokes is is a virtue
not just doing good jokes is is a virtue
not just doing good jokes is is a virtue in and of itself but he said have your
in and of itself but he said have your
in and of itself but he said have your own opinion right bring your own passion
own opinion right bring your own passion
own opinion right bring your own passion to the show because I want everybody to
to the show because I want everybody to
to the show because I want everybody to invest their own ideas and I didn’t
invest their own ideas and I didn’t
invest their own ideas and I didn’t realize I had political opinions I don’t
realize I had political opinions I don’t
realize I had political opinions I don’t know I didn’t realize I really wanted
know I didn’t realize I really wanted
know I didn’t realize I really wanted litical before then no no I’m was always
litical before then no no I’m was always
litical before then no no I’m was always a news junkie but I worked very hard not
a news junkie but I worked very hard not
a news junkie but I worked very hard not to do any political humor because there
to do any political humor because there
to do any political humor because there wasn’t a lot that I enjoyed yeah I like
wasn’t a lot that I enjoyed yeah I like
wasn’t a lot that I enjoyed yeah I like George Carlin which was certainly satire
George Carlin which was certainly satire
George Carlin which was certainly satire yeah and then social satire not a lot of
yeah and then social satire not a lot of
yeah and then social satire not a lot of political satire and so I really admired
political satire and so I really admired
political satire and so I really admired George Carlin kind of wanted to beat him
George Carlin kind of wanted to beat him
George Carlin kind of wanted to beat him or beat him or Steve Martin but didn’t
or beat him or Steve Martin but didn’t
or beat him or Steve Martin but didn’t do political things I made a very I made
do political things I made a very I made
do political things I made a very I made a very specific choice in all my work –
a very specific choice in all my work –
a very specific choice in all my work – not even reference real-world events or
not even reference real-world events or
not even reference real-world events or real places or who the president was
real places or who the president was
real places or who the president was why because I wanted people to enjoy my
why because I wanted people to enjoy my
why because I wanted people to enjoy my joke a year from now okay as opposed to
joke a year from now okay as opposed to
joke a year from now okay as opposed to just you right and I think that current
just you right and I think that current
just you right and I think that current was would be relevant a year from well
was would be relevant a year from well
was would be relevant a year from well there also wasn’t a lot of it I liked I
there also wasn’t a lot of it I liked I
there also wasn’t a lot of it I liked I thought there was a lot of too many Ted
thought there was a lot of too many Ted
thought there was a lot of too many Ted Kennedy drunk jokes yeah yeah yeah you
Kennedy drunk jokes yeah yeah yeah you
Kennedy drunk jokes yeah yeah yeah you don’t I mean which is it which is very
don’t I mean which is it which is very
don’t I mean which is it which is very flippant yeah but isn’t really there’s
flippant yeah but isn’t really there’s
flippant yeah but isn’t really there’s not a lot of intellectual sweat that
not a lot of intellectual sweat that
not a lot of intellectual sweat that goes into that joke right so I wanted to
goes into that joke right so I wanted to
goes into that joke right so I wanted to do something just different than that
do something just different than that
do something just different than that but John that term but John invite yeah
but John that term but John invite yeah
but John that term but John invite yeah that really is what your work is it’s
that really is what your work is it’s
that really is what your work is it’s kind of intellectually sweaty
kind of intellectually sweaty
kind of intellectually sweaty yeah well working really hard to make
yeah well working really hard to make
yeah well working really hard to make jokes about ideas speaking of which
jokes about ideas speaking of which
jokes about ideas speaking of which again many Googlers have been asking
again many Googlers have been asking
again many Googlers have been asking questions about your upcoming YouTube
questions about your upcoming YouTube
questions about your upcoming YouTube show yeah what is that I am an upcoming
show yeah what is that I am an upcoming
show yeah what is that I am an upcoming YouTube yes and we have all decided that
YouTube yes and we have all decided that
YouTube yes and we have all decided that you have to have a youtube show of some
you have to have a youtube show of some
you have to have a youtube show of some K it does that violate my contract with
K it does that violate my contract with
K it does that violate my contract with Viacom to
Viacom to
Viacom to that you guys had a billion-dollar
that you guys had a billion-dollar
that you guys had a billion-dollar lawsuit against each other you realize
lawsuit against each other you realize
lawsuit against each other you realize Sumner Redstone would rather see your
Sumner Redstone would rather see your
Sumner Redstone would rather see your head on it you actually asked us to you
head on it you actually asked us to you
head on it you actually asked us to you actually asked us on television to give
actually asked us on television to give
actually asked us on television to give you the money you forget oh no I don’t
you the money you forget oh no I don’t
you the money you forget oh no I don’t forget you never gave it to me
forget you never gave it to me
forget you never gave it to me I know I know you gave the money
I know I know you gave the money
I know I know you gave the money bookerson blow and I’d forget who I was
bookerson blow and I’d forget who I was
bookerson blow and I’d forget who I was deposed I was deployed lawsuit I know
deposed I was deployed lawsuit I know
deposed I was deployed lawsuit I know you were and I’ve got a good story if
you were and I’ve got a good story if
you were and I’ve got a good story if you’d stop talking I’m sorry what was
you’d stop talking I’m sorry what was
you’d stop talking I’m sorry what was your question tell your story okay okay
your question tell your story okay okay
your question tell your story okay okay so it’s been a few years I don’t think
so it’s been a few years I don’t think
so it’s been a few years I don’t think I’m violating it so I was I got to posed
I’m violating it so I was I got to posed
I’m violating it so I was I got to posed for the youtube/google thing the Viacom
for the youtube/google thing the Viacom
for the youtube/google thing the Viacom thing cuz boy they were mad at you guys
thing cuz boy they were mad at you guys
thing cuz boy they were mad at you guys they were so mad at you guys and so
they were so mad at you guys and so
they were so mad at you guys and so y’all’s lawyer brought me in to say well
y’all’s lawyer brought me in to say well
y’all’s lawyer brought me in to say well how isn’t YouTube great and wouldn’t you
how isn’t YouTube great and wouldn’t you
how isn’t YouTube great and wouldn’t you not have a show if it wasn’t for YouTube
not have a show if it wasn’t for YouTube
not have a show if it wasn’t for YouTube and all those kind of questions and the
and all those kind of questions and the
and all those kind of questions and the lawyer for Google would read B
lawyer for Google would read B
lawyer for Google would read B statements that I said on air and I said
statements that I said on air and I said
statements that I said on air and I said well I didn’t say that and and and he
well I didn’t say that and and and he
well I didn’t say that and and and he goes no you said you said it on this
goes no you said you said it on this
goes no you said you said it on this broadcast I said no my character said
broadcast I said no my character said
broadcast I said no my character said that and my character is not under oath
that and my character is not under oath
that and my character is not under oath right now and they said well if your
right now and they said well if your
right now and they said well if your character were here
what would he say
what would he say and so I would say okay well I’ll tell
and so I would say okay well I’ll tell
and so I would say okay well I’ll tell you what I’ll tell you what if you ask
you what I’ll tell you what if you ask
you what I’ll tell you what if you ask me questions that my character has to
me questions that my character has to
me questions that my character has to answer as opposed to me I’ll move my
answer as opposed to me I’ll move my
answer as opposed to me I’ll move my coffee cup to the other side of my place
coffee cup to the other side of my place
coffee cup to the other side of my place here and then you’ll know I’m speaking
here and then you’ll know I’m speaking
here and then you’ll know I’m speaking as my character and so they’d ask me a
as my character and so they’d ask me a
as my character and so they’d ask me a question I keep my cup over here I kept
question I keep my cup over here I kept
question I keep my cup over here I kept it and then in the middle of the
it and then in the middle of the
it and then in the middle of the question I start moving it because I
question I start moving it because I
question I start moving it because I realized they were asking me something
realized they were asking me something
realized they were asking me something for my character and here we a new
for my character and here we a new
for my character and here we a new person we go let the record reflect the
person we go let the record reflect the
person we go let the record reflect the coffee cup is now on the I was like I
coffee cup is now on the I was like I
coffee cup is now on the I was like I don’t know what you’re talking up but I
don’t know what you’re talking up but I
don’t know what you’re talking up but I don’t know you’re talking about buddy
thank you guys so much for watching I
thank you guys so much for watching I hope you enjoyed I made this video
hope you enjoyed I made this video
hope you enjoyed I made this video because Adam John I hope I pronounced
because Adam John I hope I pronounced
because Adam John I hope I pronounced that okay asked me to so if there’s a
that okay asked me to so if there’s a
that okay asked me to so if there’s a famous entrepreneur that you want me to
famous entrepreneur that you want me to
famous entrepreneur that you want me to profile next leave it down in comments
profile next leave it down in comments
profile next leave it down in comments below and I’ll see what I can do I also
below and I’ll see what I can do I also
below and I’ll see what I can do I also love to know which the clips had the
love to know which the clips had the
love to know which the clips had the biggest impact on you what are you gonna
biggest impact on you what are you gonna
biggest impact on you what are you gonna change in your business or live how are
change in your business or live how are
change in your business or live how are you gonna apply some of the advice that
you gonna apply some of the advice that
you gonna apply some of the advice that Steven had to yourself leave it in the
Steven had to yourself leave it in the
Steven had to yourself leave it in the comments and I’m super curious because I
comments and I’m super curious because I
comments and I’m super curious because I want to join in the discussion I also
want to join in the discussion I also
want to join in the discussion I also want to give a quick shout out to Ola
want to give a quick shout out to Ola
want to give a quick shout out to Ola from Empire traffic Academy calm Ola
from Empire traffic Academy calm Ola
from Empire traffic Academy calm Ola thank you so much for picking up a cup
thank you so much for picking up a cup
thank you so much for picking up a cup of my book it really really really means
of my book it really really really means
of my book it really really really means a lot to me so thank you guys again for
a lot to me so thank you guys again for
a lot to me so thank you guys again for watching I believe in you
watching I believe in you
watching I believe in you I hope you continue to believe in
I hope you continue to believe in
I hope you continue to believe in yourself and whatever your one word is
yourself and whatever your one word is
yourself and whatever your one word is much love guys I’ll see you soon
no one is safe ladies and gentlemen here
no one is safe ladies and gentlemen here with a special edition of The Colbert
with a special edition of The Colbert
with a special edition of The Colbert Report Stephen Colbert
thank you ladies and gentlemen before I
thank you ladies and gentlemen before I begin I’ve been asked to make an
begin I’ve been asked to make an
begin I’ve been asked to make an announcement whoever parked 14 black
announcement whoever parked 14 black
announcement whoever parked 14 black bulletproof SUVs out front
bulletproof SUVs out front
bulletproof SUVs out front please move them they’re blocking in 14
please move them they’re blocking in 14
please move them they’re blocking in 14 other black bulletproof SUVs and they
other black bulletproof SUVs and they
other black bulletproof SUVs and they need to get out Wow
need to get out Wow
need to get out Wow wow what an honor the White House
wow what an honor the White House
wow what an honor the White House Correspondents Dinner to actually to sit
Correspondents Dinner to actually to sit
Correspondents Dinner to actually to sit here at the same table with my hero
here at the same table with my hero
here at the same table with my hero George W Bush to be to be this close to
George W Bush to be to be this close to
George W Bush to be to be this close to the man I feel like I’m dreaming
the man I feel like I’m dreaming
the man I feel like I’m dreaming somebody pinch me you know what I’m a
somebody pinch me you know what I’m a
somebody pinch me you know what I’m a pretty sound sleeper that may not be
pretty sound sleeper that may not be
pretty sound sleeper that may not be enough somebody shoot me in the face is
enough somebody shoot me in the face is
enough somebody shoot me in the face is he really not here tonight damn it the
he really not here tonight damn it the
he really not here tonight damn it the one guy who could have helped I’m by the
one guy who could have helped I’m by the
one guy who could have helped I’m by the way before I get started if anybody
way before I get started if anybody
way before I get started if anybody needs anything else at their tables just
needs anything else at their tables just
needs anything else at their tables just speak slowly and clearly into your table
speak slowly and clearly into your table
speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers someone from the NSA will be
numbers someone from the NSA will be
numbers someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail
Mark Smith ladies and gentlemen the
Mark Smith ladies and gentlemen the press corps Madame first lady mr.
press corps Madame first lady mr.
press corps Madame first lady mr. president my name is Stephen Colbert and
president my name is Stephen Colbert and
president my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it is my privilege to celebrate
tonight it is my privilege to celebrate
tonight it is my privilege to celebrate this president because we’re not so
this president because we’re not so
this president because we’re not so different he and I we both get it guys
different he and I we both get it guys
different he and I we both get it guys like us we’re not some brainiacs on the
like us we’re not some brainiacs on the
like us we’re not some brainiacs on the nerd Patrol we’re not members of the
nerd Patrol we’re not members of the
nerd Patrol we’re not members of the fact in ISTA we go straight from the gut
fact in ISTA we go straight from the gut
fact in ISTA we go straight from the gut right sir that’s where the truth lies
right sir that’s where the truth lies
right sir that’s where the truth lies right down here in the gut do you know
right down here in the gut do you know
right down here in the gut do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut
you have more nerve endings in your gut
you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head you can look
than you have in your head you can look
than you have in your head you can look it up now I know some of you gonna say I
it up now I know some of you gonna say I
it up now I know some of you gonna say I did look it up and that’s not true
that’s cuz you looked it up in a book
that’s cuz you looked it up in a book next time look it up in your gut I did
next time look it up in your gut I did
next time look it up in your gut I did my gut tells me that’s how our nervous
my gut tells me that’s how our nervous
my gut tells me that’s how our nervous system works
system works
system works every night on my show The Colbert
every night on my show The Colbert
every night on my show The Colbert Report I speak straight from the gut
Report I speak straight from the gut
Report I speak straight from the gut okay I give people the truth unfiltered
okay I give people the truth unfiltered
okay I give people the truth unfiltered by rational argument I call it the no
by rational argument I call it the no
by rational argument I call it the no fact zone FoxNews I hold a copyright on
fact zone FoxNews I hold a copyright on
fact zone FoxNews I hold a copyright on that term
I’m a simple man with a simple mind to
I’m a simple man with a simple mind to hold a simple set of beliefs that I live
hold a simple set of beliefs that I live
hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by number one I believe in America I
by number one I believe in America I
by number one I believe in America I believe it exists my gut tells me I live
believe it exists my gut tells me I live
believe it exists my gut tells me I live there I feel that it extends from the
there I feel that it extends from the
there I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific and I strongly
Atlantic to the Pacific and I strongly
Atlantic to the Pacific and I strongly believe it has 50 states and I cannot
believe it has 50 states and I cannot
believe it has 50 states and I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post
wait to see how the Washington Post
wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow I believe in
spins that one tomorrow I believe in
spins that one tomorrow I believe in democracy I believe democracy is our
democracy I believe democracy is our
democracy I believe democracy is our greatest exports
greatest exports
greatest exports at least until China figures out a way
at least until China figures out a way
at least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three
to stamp it out of plastic for three
to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit as a matter of fact
cents a unit as a matter of fact
cents a unit as a matter of fact ambassador Joe and John welcome your
ambassador Joe and John welcome your
ambassador Joe and John welcome your great country makes our Happy Meals
great country makes our Happy Meals
great country makes our Happy Meals possible
I set it to celebration I believe the
I set it to celebration I believe the government that governs best is the
government that governs best is the
government that governs best is the government that governs least and by
government that governs least and by
government that governs least and by these standards we have set up a
these standards we have set up a
these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq I believe I
fabulous government in Iraq I believe I
fabulous government in Iraq I believe I believe in pulling yourself up by your
believe in pulling yourself up by your
believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps I believe it is possible
own bootstraps I believe it is possible
own bootstraps I believe it is possible I saw this guy do it once in Cirque de
I saw this guy do it once in Cirque de
I saw this guy do it once in Cirque de Soleil it was magical and though I am a
Soleil it was magical and though I am a
Soleil it was magical and though I am a committed Christian I believe that
committed Christian I believe that
committed Christian I believe that everyone has the right to their own
everyone has the right to their own
everyone has the right to their own religion be you Hindu Jewish or Muslim I
religion be you Hindu Jewish or Muslim I
religion be you Hindu Jewish or Muslim I believe there are infinite paths to
believe there are infinite paths to
believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal
accepting Jesus Christ as your personal
accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Savior
ladies and gentlemen I believe it’s
ladies and gentlemen I believe it’s yogurt but I refuse to believe it’s not
yogurt but I refuse to believe it’s not
yogurt but I refuse to believe it’s not butter most of all I believe in this
butter most of all I believe in this
butter most of all I believe in this president now I know there’s some polls
president now I know there’s some polls
president now I know there’s some polls out there saying that this man has a 32%
out there saying that this man has a 32%
out there saying that this man has a 32% approval rating but guys like us we
approval rating but guys like us we
approval rating but guys like us we don’t we don’t pay attention to the
don’t we don’t pay attention to the
don’t we don’t pay attention to the polls we know that that polls are just a
polls we know that that polls are just a
polls we know that that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect
collection of statistics that reflect
collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality and
what people are thinking in reality and
what people are thinking in reality and reality has a well-known liberal bias so
reality has a well-known liberal bias so
reality has a well-known liberal bias so mr. president please please pay no
mr. president please please pay no
mr. president please please pay no attention to the people who say the
attention to the people who say the
attention to the people who say the glass is half-full 32% means the glass
it’s important to set up your jokes
it’s important to set up your jokes properly sir sir pay no attention to the
properly sir sir pay no attention to the
properly sir sir pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty
people who say the glass is half empty
people who say the glass is half empty because 32% means it’s 2/3 empty there’s
because 32% means it’s 2/3 empty there’s
because 32% means it’s 2/3 empty there’s still some liquid in that glass is my
still some liquid in that glass is my
still some liquid in that glass is my point but I wouldn’t drink it last third
point but I wouldn’t drink it last third
point but I wouldn’t drink it last third is usually backwash okay
look folks my point is that I don’t
look folks my point is that I don’t believe this is a low point in this
believe this is a low point in this
believe this is a low point in this presidency I believe it is just a lull
presidency I believe it is just a lull
presidency I believe it is just a lull before I come back I mean it’s like the
before I come back I mean it’s like the
before I come back I mean it’s like the movie Rocky all right the present in
movie Rocky all right the present in
movie Rocky all right the present in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo
this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo
this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world
Creed is everything else in the world
Creed is everything else in the world it’s a 10th round he’s bloodied his
it’s a 10th round he’s bloodied his
it’s a 10th round he’s bloodied his corner man Mick who in this case I guess
corner man Mick who in this case I guess
corner man Mick who in this case I guess would be the vice president he’s yelling
would be the vice president he’s yelling
would be the vice president he’s yelling cut me dick cut me every time he falls
cut me dick cut me every time he falls
cut me dick cut me every time he falls everyone says stay down rock stay down
everyone says stay down rock stay down
everyone says stay down rock stay down but as he stayed down no like Rocky he
but as he stayed down no like Rocky he
but as he stayed down no like Rocky he gets back up and in the end he actually
gets back up and in the end he actually
gets back up and in the end he actually loses in the first movie hmm okay
loses in the first movie hmm okay
loses in the first movie hmm okay doesn’t matter doesn’t matter the point
doesn’t matter doesn’t matter the point
doesn’t matter doesn’t matter the point is it is the heartwarming story of a man
is it is the heartwarming story of a man
is it is the heartwarming story of a man who is repeatedly punched in the face
so don’t pay attention to the approval
so don’t pay attention to the approval ratings that say that 68% of Americans
ratings that say that 68% of Americans
ratings that say that 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing
disapprove of the job this man is doing
disapprove of the job this man is doing I ask you this does that not also
I ask you this does that not also
I ask you this does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the
logically mean that 68% approve of the
logically mean that 68% approve of the job he’s not doing think about it
job he’s not doing think about it
job he’s not doing think about it I haven’t I stand by this man I stand by
I haven’t I stand by this man I stand by
I haven’t I stand by this man I stand by this man because he stands for things
this man because he stands for things
this man because he stands for things not only for things he stands on things
not only for things he stands on things
not only for things he stands on things things like aircraft carriers and rubble
things like aircraft carriers and rubble
things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares and
and recently flooded city squares and
and recently flooded city squares and that sends a strong message that no
that sends a strong message that no
that sends a strong message that no matter what happens to America she will
matter what happens to America she will
matter what happens to America she will always rebound with the most powerfully
always rebound with the most powerfully
always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world now there
staged photo ops in the world now there
staged photo ops in the world now there may be an energy crisis well this this
may be an energy crisis well this this
may be an energy crisis well this this president has a very forward-thinking
president has a very forward-thinking
president has a very forward-thinking energy policy why do you think he’s down
energy policy why do you think he’s down
energy policy why do you think he’s down on the ranch cutting that brush all the
on the ranch cutting that brush all the
on the ranch cutting that brush all the time he’s trying to create an
time he’s trying to create an
time he’s trying to create an alternative energy source by 2008 we
alternative energy source by 2008 we
alternative energy source by 2008 we will have a mesquite powered car
and I just like the guy he’s a good Joe
and I just like the guy he’s a good Joe obviously loves his wife calls her his
obviously loves his wife calls her his
obviously loves his wife calls her his better half and Paul show America agrees
she said she’s a true lady and a
she said she’s a true lady and a wonderful woman but I just have I just
wonderful woman but I just have I just
wonderful woman but I just have I just have one beef ma’am I’m sorry but um
have one beef ma’am I’m sorry but um
have one beef ma’am I’m sorry but um this reading initiative I’m sorry I’ve
this reading initiative I’m sorry I’ve
this reading initiative I’m sorry I’ve never been a fan of books I don’t trust
never been a fan of books I don’t trust
never been a fan of books I don’t trust them they’re all fact no heart I mean
them they’re all fact no heart I mean
them they’re all fact no heart I mean they’re elitist
they’re elitist
they’re elitist telling us what is or isn’t true or what
telling us what is or isn’t true or what
telling us what is or isn’t true or what did or didn’t happen who’s Britannica to
did or didn’t happen who’s Britannica to
did or didn’t happen who’s Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in
tell me the Panama Canal was built in
tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914 if I want to say it was built in
1914 if I want to say it was built in
1914 if I want to say it was built in 1941 that’s my right as an American I’m
1941 that’s my right as an American I’m
1941 that’s my right as an American I’m with the president let history decide
with the president let history decide
with the president let history decide what did or did not happen
the greatest thing about this man is he
the greatest thing about this man is he steady you know where he stands he
steady you know where he stands he
steady you know where he stands he believes the same thing Wednesday that
believes the same thing Wednesday that
believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday no matter what
he believed on Monday no matter what
he believed on Monday no matter what happened Tuesday events can change this
happened Tuesday events can change this
happened Tuesday events can change this man’s beliefs never will and as as
man’s beliefs never will and as as
man’s beliefs never will and as as excited as I am to be here with the
excited as I am to be here with the
excited as I am to be here with the president I am appalled to be surrounded
president I am appalled to be surrounded
president I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying
by the liberal media that is destroying
by the liberal media that is destroying America with the exception of Fox News
America with the exception of Fox News
America with the exception of Fox News Fox News gives you both sides of every
Fox News gives you both sides of every
Fox News gives you both sides of every story the president’s side and the vice
story the president’s side and the vice
story the president’s side and the vice president’s side but the rest of you
president’s side but the rest of you
president’s side but the rest of you what are you thinking reporting on NSA
what are you thinking reporting on NSA
what are you thinking reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern
wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern
wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe those things are secret for a
Europe those things are secret for a
Europe those things are secret for a very important reason they’re super
very important reason they’re super
very important reason they’re super depressing and if that’s your goal well
depressing and if that’s your goal well
depressing and if that’s your goal well misery accomplished over the last five
misery accomplished over the last five
misery accomplished over the last five years you people were so good over over
years you people were so good over over
years you people were so good over over over tax cuts WMD intelligence the
over tax cuts WMD intelligence the
over tax cuts WMD intelligence the effect of global warming we Americans
effect of global warming we Americans
effect of global warming we Americans didn’t want to know and you had the
didn’t want to know and you had the
didn’t want to know and you had the courtesy not to try to find out those
courtesy not to try to find out those
courtesy not to try to find out those were good times as far as we knew
were good times as far as we knew
were good times as far as we knew but listen let’s review the rules here’s
but listen let’s review the rules here’s
but listen let’s review the rules here’s how it works the president makes
how it works the president makes
how it works the president makes decisions he’s the decider the press
decisions he’s the decider the press
decisions he’s the decider the press secretary announces those decisions and
secretary announces those decisions and
secretary announces those decisions and you people have the press
you people have the press
you people have the press type those decisions down make an ounce
type those decisions down make an ounce
type those decisions down make an ounce tight just put them through a spell
tight just put them through a spell
tight just put them through a spell check and go home get to know your
check and go home get to know your
check and go home get to know your family again make love to your wife
family again make love to your wife
family again make love to your wife write that novel you got kicking around
write that novel you got kicking around
write that novel you got kicking around in your head you know the one about the
in your head you know the one about the
in your head you know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the
intrepid Washington reporter with the
intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the
courage to stand up to the
courage to stand up to the administration
administration
administration you know fiction because really what
you know fiction because really what
you know fiction because really what incentive do these people have to answer
incentive do these people have to answer
incentive do these people have to answer your questions after all I mean nothing
your questions after all I mean nothing
your questions after all I mean nothing satisfies you everybody asks for
satisfies you everybody asks for
satisfies you everybody asks for personnel changes so the White House has
personnel changes so the White House has
personnel changes so the White House has personnel changes and then you write oh
personnel changes and then you write oh
personnel changes and then you write oh they’re just rearranging the deck chairs
they’re just rearranging the deck chairs
they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic first of all that is a
on the Titanic first of all that is a
on the Titanic first of all that is a terrible metaphor there this
terrible metaphor there this
terrible metaphor there this administration is not sinking this
administration is not sinking this
administration is not sinking this administration is soaring if anything
administration is soaring if anything
administration is soaring if anything they are rearranging the deck chairs on
they are rearranging the deck chairs on
they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg
now it’s not all it’s not all bad guys
now it’s not all it’s not all bad guys out there some there’s some of the
out there some there’s some of the
out there some there’s some of the heroes out there tonight Christopher
heroes out there tonight Christopher
heroes out there tonight Christopher Buckley Jeff sacks Ken Burns Bob
Buckley Jeff sacks Ken Burns Bob
Buckley Jeff sacks Ken Burns Bob Schieffer I’ve interviewed all of them
Schieffer I’ve interviewed all of them
Schieffer I’ve interviewed all of them by the way mr. Pressman thank you for
by the way mr. Pressman thank you for
by the way mr. Pressman thank you for agreeing to be on my show I appreciate
agreeing to be on my show I appreciate
agreeing to be on my show I appreciate it I was just as shocked as everyone
it I was just as shocked as everyone
it I was just as shocked as everyone here is I promise you how’s Tuesday for
here is I promise you how’s Tuesday for
here is I promise you how’s Tuesday for you I’ve got Frank Rich but we can just
you I’ve got Frank Rich but we can just
you I’ve got Frank Rich but we can just bump him I mean bump him I know a guy
bump him I mean bump him I know a guy
bump him I mean bump him I know a guy say the word see who we got here tonight
say the word see who we got here tonight
say the word see who we got here tonight we have general Moseley Air Force chief
we have general Moseley Air Force chief
we have general Moseley Air Force chief of staff we’ve got General Peter pace
of staff we’ve got General Peter pace
of staff we’ve got General Peter pace chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff they still support Rumsfeld right you
they still support Rumsfeld right you
they still support Rumsfeld right you guys aren’t retired yet right
guys aren’t retired yet right
guys aren’t retired yet right right they still support Rumsfeld look
right they still support Rumsfeld look
right they still support Rumsfeld look I’ve got by the way I’ve got I’ve got a
I’ve got by the way I’ve got I’ve got a
I’ve got by the way I’ve got I’ve got a theory about how to handle these retired
theory about how to handle these retired
theory about how to handle these retired generals I’ve caused all this trouble
generals I’ve caused all this trouble
generals I’ve caused all this trouble don’t let them retire come on we’ve got
don’t let them retire come on we’ve got
don’t let them retire come on we’ve got a stoploss program let’s use it on these
a stoploss program let’s use it on these
a stoploss program let’s use it on these guys
guys
guys I’ve seen the zinni in that crowd on
I’ve seen the zinni in that crowd on
I’ve seen the zinni in that crowd on Wolf Blitzer if you’re strong enough to
Wolf Blitzer if you’re strong enough to
Wolf Blitzer if you’re strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows you’re
go on one of those pundit shows you’re
go on one of those pundit shows you’re strong enough to stand on a bank of
strong enough to stand on a bank of
strong enough to stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle come
computers and order men into battle come
computers and order men into battle come on
Jesse Jackson is here the Reverend
Jesse Jackson is here the Reverend haven’t heard from the Reverend just a
haven’t heard from the Reverend just a
haven’t heard from the Reverend just a little while I had him on the show was
little while I had him on the show was
little while I had him on the show was very interesting into your very
very interesting into your very
very interesting into your very challenging interview you can ask him
challenging interview you can ask him
challenging interview you can ask him anything but he’s gonna say what he
anything but he’s gonna say what he
anything but he’s gonna say what he wants at the pace that he wants it’s
wants at the pace that he wants it’s
wants at the pace that he wants it’s like boxing a glacier enjoy that
like boxing a glacier enjoy that
like boxing a glacier enjoy that metaphor by the way because your
metaphor by the way because your
metaphor by the way because your grandchildren will have no idea what a
grandchildren will have no idea what a
grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is
Justice Scalia is here Justice Scalia
Justice Scalia is here Justice Scalia may be the first to say welcome sir you
may be the first to say welcome sir you
may be the first to say welcome sir you look fantastic
look fantastic
look fantastic how are you
john mccain is here John McCain what a
john mccain is here John McCain what a maverick somebody somebody find out what
maverick somebody somebody find out what
maverick somebody somebody find out what fork he used on his salad because I
fork he used on his salad because I
fork he used on his salad because I guarantee you it wasn’t a salad fork
guarantee you it wasn’t a salad fork
guarantee you it wasn’t a salad fork this guy could have used a spoon there’s
this guy could have used a spoon there’s
this guy could have used a spoon there’s no predicting him by the way Senator
no predicting him by the way Senator
no predicting him by the way Senator McCain so wonderful see you coming back
McCain so wonderful see you coming back
McCain so wonderful see you coming back into the Republican fold I’ve actually
into the Republican fold I’ve actually
into the Republican fold I’ve actually got a summer house in South Carolina
got a summer house in South Carolina
got a summer house in South Carolina look me up when you go to speak at Bob
look me up when you go to speak at Bob
look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University so glad you’ve seen the
Jones University so glad you’ve seen the
Jones University so glad you’ve seen the light sir mayor Nagin mayor Nagin is
light sir mayor Nagin mayor Nagin is
light sir mayor Nagin mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans the chocolate city
here from New Orleans the chocolate city
here from New Orleans the chocolate city yeah give it up
yeah give it up
yeah give it up mayor Nagin I’d like to welcome you to
mayor Nagin I’d like to welcome you to
mayor Nagin I’d like to welcome you to Washington DC the chocolate city with a
Washington DC the chocolate city with a
Washington DC the chocolate city with a marshmallow Center
and a graham cracker crust of corruption
and a graham cracker crust of corruption it’s a mallomar I guess is what I’m
it’s a mallomar I guess is what I’m
it’s a mallomar I guess is what I’m describing as a mallomar it’s a
describing as a mallomar it’s a
describing as a mallomar it’s a seasonable cookie Joe Wilson is here Joe
seasonable cookie Joe Wilson is here Joe
seasonable cookie Joe Wilson is here Joe Wilson right down here in front the most
Wilson right down here in front the most
Wilson right down here in front the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz
and of course he brought along his
and of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame oh my god Oh
what have I said I she Minetti I am
what have I said I she Minetti I am sorry mr. president I meant to say he
sorry mr. president I meant to say he
sorry mr. president I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe
brought along his lovely wife Joe
brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson’s wife Patrick Fitzgerald is not
Wilson’s wife Patrick Fitzgerald is not
Wilson’s wife Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight right okay
here tonight right okay
here tonight right okay dodged a bullet and of course we can’t
dodged a bullet and of course we can’t
dodged a bullet and of course we can’t forget man of the hour new press
forget man of the hour new press
forget man of the hour new press secretary Tony Snow Secret Service name
secretary Tony Snow Secret Service name
secretary Tony Snow Secret Service name snow job toughest job what a hero took
snow job toughest job what a hero took
snow job toughest job what a hero took the second toughest job in government
the second toughest job in government
the second toughest job in government next to of course the Ambassador to Iraq
got some big shoes to fill Tony big
got some big shoes to fill Tony big shoes to fill
shoes to fill
shoes to fill Scott McClellan could say nothing like
Scott McClellan could say nothing like
Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else McClellan of course you got
nobody else McClellan of course you got
nobody else McClellan of course you got to retire really really felt like he
to retire really really felt like he
to retire really really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew
needed to spend more time with Andrew
needed to spend more time with Andrew cards children
mr. president I wish you hadn’t made the
mr. president I wish you hadn’t made the decision so quickly sir I I I was vying
decision so quickly sir I I I was vying
decision so quickly sir I I I was vying for the job myself I I think I would
for the job myself I I think I would
for the job myself I I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary I
have made a fabulous press secretary I
have made a fabulous press secretary I have nothing but contempt for these
have nothing but contempt for these
have nothing but contempt for these people I know how to handle these clowns
people I know how to handle these clowns
people I know how to handle these clowns in fact sir I brought along an audition
in fact sir I brought along an audition
in fact sir I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence I’d like
tape and with your indulgence I’d like
tape and with your indulgence I’d like to at least give it a shot so ladies and
to at least give it a shot so ladies and
to at least give it a shot so ladies and gentlemen my press conference
I have a brief statement
I have a brief statement the press is destroying America okay
the press is destroying America okay
the press is destroying America okay let’s see who we got here today
let’s see who we got here today
let’s see who we got here today stretch sir nerdling ten sloppy joe
stretch sir nerdling ten sloppy joe
stretch sir nerdling ten sloppy joe terry lemon meringue pie nope
terry lemon meringue pie nope
terry lemon meringue pie nope doubting Thomas always a pleasure and
doubting Thomas always a pleasure and
doubting Thomas always a pleasure and suzanne mal hello yes will the vice
suzanne mal hello yes will the vice
suzanne mal hello yes will the vice president be available soon to answer
president be available soon to answer
president be available soon to answer all questions himself I’ve already
all questions himself I’ve already
all questions himself I’ve already addressed that question you Walter
addressed that question you Walter
addressed that question you Walter Cronkite denoted CBS anchor I know he’s
Cronkite denoted CBS anchor I know he’s
Cronkite denoted CBS anchor I know he’s the former CBS anchor Katie Couric is
the former CBS anchor Katie Couric is
the former CBS anchor Katie Couric is the anchor of the CBS Evening News
the anchor of the CBS Evening News
the anchor of the CBS Evening News lately how do you guys feel about that
lately how do you guys feel about that
lately how do you guys feel about that you talk with hair guy in the back are
you talk with hair guy in the back are
you talk with hair guy in the back are you happy about Katie Couric taking over
you happy about Katie Couric taking over
you happy about Katie Couric taking over the CBS Evening News no sir mr. Colbert
the CBS Evening News no sir mr. Colbert
the CBS Evening News no sir mr. Colbert you
oh look we updated Gregory up David you
oh look we updated Gregory up David you have a question do Carlo commit a crime
have a question do Carlo commit a crime
have a question do Carlo commit a crime I don’t know I’ll ask him
I don’t know I’ll ask him
I don’t know I’ll ask him Carl pay attention please do you stand
Carl pay attention please do you stand
Carl pay attention please do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003
by your statement from the fall of 2003
by your statement from the fall of 2003 when you are asked specifically about
when you are asked specifically about
when you are asked specifically about Carl and Elliott Abrams is food livvie
Carl and Elliott Abrams is food livvie
Carl and Elliott Abrams is food livvie and you said I’ve gone to each of those
and you said I’ve gone to each of those
and you said I’ve gone to each of those gentlemen and they have told me they are
gentlemen and they have told me they are
gentlemen and they have told me they are not involved in this do you stand by
not involved in this do you stand by
not involved in this do you stand by that statement no just kidding
that statement no just kidding
that statement no just kidding no you’re not finished you’re not saying
no you’re not finished you’re not saying
no you’re not finished you’re not saying anything you stood at that podium and
anything you stood at that podium and
anything you stood at that podium and that’s where you’re wrong
that’s where you’re wrong
that’s where you’re wrong new podium just how to deliver today get
new podium just how to deliver today get
new podium just how to deliver today get your facts straight there but this is
your facts straight there but this is
your facts straight there but this is ridiculous
ridiculous
ridiculous the notion that you’re gonna stand
the notion that you’re gonna stand
the notion that you’re gonna stand before us after having commented with
before us after having commented with
before us after having commented with that level of detail and tell people
that level of detail and tell people
that level of detail and tell people watching this but somehow you decided
watching this but somehow you decided
watching this but somehow you decided not to talk if I can’t hear you I can’t
not to talk if I can’t hear you I can’t
not to talk if I can’t hear you I can’t answer your question I’m sorry I happen
answer your question I’m sorry I happen
answer your question I’m sorry I happen to launch yep Terry after the
to launch yep Terry after the
to launch yep Terry after the investigation began after the criminal
investigation began after the criminal
investigation began after the criminal investigation was underway you said all
investigation was underway you said all
investigation was underway you said all of a sudden you have respect for the
of a sudden you have respect for the
of a sudden you have respect for the sanctity of the criminal investigation
sanctity of the criminal investigation
sanctity of the criminal investigation no I never had any respect for the
no I never had any respect for the
no I never had any respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation
sanctity of a criminal investigation
sanctity of a criminal investigation activist judges yes Helen you’re gonna
activist judges yes Helen you’re gonna
activist judges yes Helen you’re gonna be sorry
what’s he gonna do Helens asked before a
what’s he gonna do Helens asked before a recipe your decision to invade Iraq has
recipe your decision to invade Iraq has
recipe your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands of
caused the deaths of thousands of
caused the deaths of thousands of Americans and Iraqis foods of Americans
Americans and Iraqis foods of Americans
Americans and Iraqis foods of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime all every
and Iraqis for a lifetime all every
and Iraqis for a lifetime all every knows it was given publicly look X
knows it was given publicly look X
knows it was given publicly look X turned out not to be true I don’t think
turned out not to be true I don’t think
turned out not to be true I don’t think I should miss why did you really want to
I should miss why did you really want to
I should miss why did you really want to go to war Helen I must stop doing this
go to war Helen I must stop doing this
go to war Helen I must stop doing this no cabinet form of office
Rick’s in there I’ve never been so
Rick’s in there I’ve never been so insulted my stupid job
thank God help me she won’t stop asking
thank God help me she won’t stop asking why are we invaded Iraq
mr. Schmitt members of the White House
mr. Schmitt members of the White House Correspondents Association madam first
Correspondents Association madam first
Correspondents Association madam first lady mr. president it’s been a true
lady mr. president it’s been a true
lady mr. president it’s been a true honor thank you very much
honor thank you very much
honor thank you very much good night
”
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