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The Necessary Paradigm Shift For Women To Collectively Thrive | Cyndie Spiegel | TEDxIthacaCollege


we are changing the narrative around two

we are changing the narrative around two important terms one is feminism the

important terms one is feminism the

important terms one is feminism the other is women’s empowerment so I stand

other is women’s empowerment so I stand

other is women’s empowerment so I stand here as we near 2018 or 2018 and many

here as we near 2018 or 2018 and many

here as we near 2018 or 2018 and many things are changing every single day

things are changing every single day

things are changing every single day women are vulnerably standing up

women are vulnerably standing up

women are vulnerably standing up standing out sharing our stories and

standing out sharing our stories and

standing out sharing our stories and being heard so yes though the narrative

being heard so yes though the narrative

being heard so yes though the narrative is changing and women are finally being

is changing and women are finally being

is changing and women are finally being heard some narratives are not so though

heard some narratives are not so though

heard some narratives are not so though we know the old adage that collectively

we know the old adage that collectively

we know the old adage that collectively we all rise and rising tides lifts all

we all rise and rising tides lifts all

we all rise and rising tides lifts all boats

boats

boats still we are unconsciously disempowering

still we are unconsciously disempowering

still we are unconsciously disempowering one another every single day and when I

one another every single day and when I

one another every single day and when I say we I mean us I mean women women are

say we I mean us I mean women women are

say we I mean us I mean women women are not always supportive of one another

not always supportive of one another

not always supportive of one another that is not a new narrative I’ll share

that is not a new narrative I’ll share

that is not a new narrative I’ll share with you a story

with you a story

with you a story I was just two weeks ago in New York

I was just two weeks ago in New York

I was just two weeks ago in New York City at an event that was put on by a

City at an event that was put on by a

City at an event that was put on by a major fashion magazine and in that event

major fashion magazine and in that event

major fashion magazine and in that event there were all women leaders that were

there were all women leaders that were

there were all women leaders that were being highlighted I had the honor of

being highlighted I had the honor of

being highlighted I had the honor of being in the second row and watching two

being in the second row and watching two

being in the second row and watching two women on stage one was a veteran of the

women on stage one was a veteran of the

women on stage one was a veteran of the film industry and the other was a

film industry and the other was a

film industry and the other was a veteran of the fashion industry and they

veteran of the fashion industry and they

veteran of the fashion industry and they were having an interview with one

were having an interview with one

were having an interview with one another which was again super excited I

another which was again super excited I

another which was again super excited I was in the audience all of these women

was in the audience all of these women

was in the audience all of these women were surrounding me and we were so

were surrounding me and we were so

were surrounding me and we were so anticipating what they were going to

anticipating what they were going to

anticipating what they were going to share what wisdom was going to be

share what wisdom was going to be

share what wisdom was going to be imparted upon us so the woman in the

imparted upon us so the woman in the

imparted upon us so the woman in the film industry started to share her story

film industry started to share her story

film industry started to share her story we were all held so closely like just

we were all held so closely like just

we were all held so closely like just hanging on every word and then finally

hanging on every word and then finally

hanging on every word and then finally they had a Q&A this is our time this is

they had a Q&A this is our time this is

they had a Q&A this is our time this is the time the audience gets to stand up

the time the audience gets to stand up

the time the audience gets to stand up and ask the important questions so mind

and ask the important questions so mind

and ask the important questions so mind you this is a Women’s Leadership

you this is a Women’s Leadership

you this is a Women’s Leadership Conference we are here to lead and to

Conference we are here to lead and to

Conference we are here to lead and to learn the tools to lead better brighter

learn the tools to lead better brighter

learn the tools to lead better brighter more boldly so the woman in the audience

more boldly so the woman in the audience

more boldly so the woman in the audience stands up cinch and she says please can

stands up cinch and she says please can

stands up cinch and she says please can you tell us clearly you’re so successful

you tell us clearly you’re so successful

you tell us clearly you’re so successful you’ve spent 50 years in film tell us

you’ve spent 50 years in film tell us

you’ve spent 50 years in film tell us how

how

how your female friendships have empowered

your female friendships have empowered

your female friendships have empowered you to grow to get to where you are

you to grow to get to where you are

you to grow to get to where you are today I thought that was a pretty made

today I thought that was a pretty made

today I thought that was a pretty made sense to ask that question I see a lot

sense to ask that question I see a lot

sense to ask that question I see a lot of nods right seems like a good question

of nods right seems like a good question

of nods right seems like a good question so here’s what happened next she looked

so here’s what happened next she looked

so here’s what happened next she looked directly at this woman in the eye and

directly at this woman in the eye and

directly at this woman in the eye and she went they haven’t in fact I have

she went they haven’t in fact I have

she went they haven’t in fact I have just as many if not more frenemies than

just as many if not more frenemies than

just as many if not more frenemies than I do friends hey guys I will I for a

I do friends hey guys I will I for a

I do friends hey guys I will I for a living work with women this broke my

living work with women this broke my

living work with women this broke my heart

heart

heart so then what precedes to happen as the

so then what precedes to happen as the

so then what precedes to happen as the woman in fashion looks over at her

woman in fashion looks over at her

woman in fashion looks over at her friend who she’s interviewing and she

friend who she’s interviewing and she

friend who she’s interviewing and she said you know I got to tell you men are

said you know I got to tell you men are

said you know I got to tell you men are better at this than women men just

better at this than women men just

better at this than women men just bombed better women it’s not our thing

bombed better women it’s not our thing

bombed better women it’s not our thing and I get it I mean you know it’s been

and I get it I mean you know it’s been

and I get it I mean you know it’s been hard one for us we can’t just go giving

hard one for us we can’t just go giving

hard one for us we can’t just go giving it away mortified because this is the

it away mortified because this is the

it away mortified because this is the narrative that we are constantly sharing

narrative that we are constantly sharing

narrative that we are constantly sharing this is the narrative that the world

this is the narrative that the world

this is the narrative that the world hears about women we are catty

hears about women we are catty

hears about women we are catty we are unkind we are not helpful and we

we are unkind we are not helpful and we

we are unkind we are not helpful and we don’t support one another we are

don’t support one another we are

don’t support one another we are constantly asking of other women that we

constantly asking of other women that we

constantly asking of other women that we stay in our own lanes and it’s not

stay in our own lanes and it’s not

stay in our own lanes and it’s not something that any of us want to admit

something that any of us want to admit

something that any of us want to admit to no of course not because we’re

to no of course not because we’re

to no of course not because we’re ashamed of that so a little bit about

ashamed of that so a little bit about

ashamed of that so a little bit about what I do is build communities for a

what I do is build communities for a

what I do is build communities for a living to in particular one is

living to in particular one is

living to in particular one is empowering women to build bold

empowering women to build bold

empowering women to build bold businesses and the other empowering

businesses and the other empowering

businesses and the other empowering women to build bold conversations

women to build bold conversations

women to build bold conversations because they truly believe that if we

because they truly believe that if we

because they truly believe that if we are not able to be vulnerable and share

are not able to be vulnerable and share

are not able to be vulnerable and share our truths we will never get to the

our truths we will never get to the

our truths we will never get to the other side of where we are so clearly

other side of where we are so clearly

other side of where we are so clearly hearing this conversation and sharing

hearing this conversation and sharing

hearing this conversation and sharing this narrative that by the way is not an

this narrative that by the way is not an

this narrative that by the way is not an untrue narrative was mortifying because

untrue narrative was mortifying because

untrue narrative was mortifying because it’s continuing to share this out this

it’s continuing to share this out this

it’s continuing to share this out this video has since gone viral of this

video has since gone viral of this

video has since gone viral of this interview that is the story that we are

interview that is the story that we are

interview that is the story that we are telling about women and partially it’s

telling about women and partially it’s

telling about women and partially it’s true but it’s not the whole story the

true but it’s not the whole story the

true but it’s not the whole story the whole story starts with a before and

whole story starts with a before and

whole story starts with a before and moves forward into how we shift from

moves forward into how we shift from

moves forward into how we shift from here so I’ll talk a little bit about how

here so I’ll talk a little bit about how

here so I’ll talk a little bit about how we got to this magical space of where

we got to this magical space of where

we got to this magical space of where paradigm in the narrative has really

paradigm in the narrative has really

paradigm in the narrative has really shifted to women not caring about other

shifted to women not caring about other

shifted to women not caring about other women because if we don’t know this we

women because if we don’t know this we

women because if we don’t know this we can’t move forward one culturally this

can’t move forward one culturally this

can’t move forward one culturally this is how we were raised in this country

is how we were raised in this country

is how we were raised in this country women or boys rather and girls are

women or boys rather and girls are

women or boys rather and girls are raised differently so think about when

raised differently so think about when

raised differently so think about when little boys are young we teach our sons

little boys are young we teach our sons

little boys are young we teach our sons to play sports whether it be basketball

to play sports whether it be basketball

to play sports whether it be basketball or football they know that there will be

or football they know that there will be

or football they know that there will be a winner and there will be a loser and

a winner and there will be a loser and

a winner and there will be a loser and no matter what you will shake hands at

no matter what you will shake hands at

no matter what you will shake hands at the end of that game so we are teaching

the end of that game so we are teaching

the end of that game so we are teaching our sons competence and confidence and

our sons competence and confidence and

our sons competence and confidence and the ability to compete with somebody

the ability to compete with somebody

the ability to compete with somebody else and hopefully lose or win and still

else and hopefully lose or win and still

else and hopefully lose or win and still feel okay about yourself

feel okay about yourself

feel okay about yourself we’re teaching them to lead at very

we’re teaching them to lead at very

we’re teaching them to lead at very young ages also we take our sons to the

young ages also we take our sons to the

young ages also we take our sons to the beach and we put them in their tiny

beach and we put them in their tiny

beach and we put them in their tiny little speedos or perhaps it’s their

little speedos or perhaps it’s their

little speedos or perhaps it’s their short shorts what are the kids wear to

short shorts what are the kids wear to

short shorts what are the kids wear to the beaches these days

the beaches these days

the beaches these days but little boys are able to show up

but little boys are able to show up

but little boys are able to show up whether it be at a pool or at a beach

whether it be at a pool or at a beach

whether it be at a pool or at a beach and they show up and they show out and

and they show up and they show out and

and they show up and they show out and they are confident and happy and they

they are confident and happy and they

they are confident and happy and they run and they roam and they are allowed

run and they roam and they are allowed

run and they roam and they are allowed to experience childhood and all of their

to experience childhood and all of their

to experience childhood and all of their self in their full self in contrast our

self in their full self in contrast our

self in their full self in contrast our little girls we teach our daughters to

little girls we teach our daughters to

little girls we teach our daughters to be nice we teach them to be kind we

be nice we teach them to be kind we

be nice we teach them to be kind we teach them that somebody doesn’t have to

teach them that somebody doesn’t have to

teach them that somebody doesn’t have to lose or win it’s okay it’s all good just

lose or win it’s okay it’s all good just

lose or win it’s okay it’s all good just be nice and so what happens is that our

be nice and so what happens is that our

be nice and so what happens is that our daughters grow up and they can see that

daughters grow up and they can see that

daughters grow up and they can see that there is a difference between the

there is a difference between the

there is a difference between the qualities that are expected or the

qualities that are expected or the

qualities that are expected or the traits rather that are expected of them

traits rather that are expected of them

traits rather that are expected of them versus their little brothers there let

versus their little brothers there let

versus their little brothers there let little brothers are allowed to compete

little brothers are allowed to compete

little brothers are allowed to compete their big brothers are allowed to lead

their big brothers are allowed to lead

their big brothers are allowed to lead because no one’s telling them to be nice

because no one’s telling them to be nice

because no one’s telling them to be nice no one’s acknowledging those traits for

no one’s acknowledging those traits for

no one’s acknowledging those traits for them so our little girls are being

them so our little girls are being

them so our little girls are being raised to understand that there is a

raised to understand that there is a

raised to understand that there is a difference in expectation and that same

difference in expectation and that same

difference in expectation and that same exact situation at the beach from I

exact situation at the beach from I

exact situation at the beach from I don’t know maybe three months or so we

don’t know maybe three months or so we

don’t know maybe three months or so we put our babies in bikinis or one-piece

put our babies in bikinis or one-piece

put our babies in bikinis or one-piece bathing

bathing

bathing and it all seems very cute when they’re

and it all seems very cute when they’re

and it all seems very cute when they’re this big but again here’s what we’re

this big but again here’s what we’re

this big but again here’s what we’re teaching little girls your brother he

teaching little girls your brother he

teaching little girls your brother he can show up he doesn’t have to cover up

can show up he doesn’t have to cover up

can show up he doesn’t have to cover up but you you should and so what that

but you you should and so what that

but you you should and so what that message is sharing with our little girls

message is sharing with our little girls

message is sharing with our little girls is shame because what’s appropriate for

is shame because what’s appropriate for

is shame because what’s appropriate for their brothers their cousins their

their brothers their cousins their

their brothers their cousins their friends is not appropriate for them and

friends is not appropriate for them and

friends is not appropriate for them and that shame manifests and adult women so

that shame manifests and adult women so

that shame manifests and adult women so how many of you for example have ever

how many of you for example have ever

how many of you for example have ever seen an adult woman breastfeeding I mean

seen an adult woman breastfeeding I mean

seen an adult woman breastfeeding I mean obviously an adult woman breastfeeding

obviously an adult woman breastfeeding

obviously an adult woman breastfeeding yeah a lot of us how many of you have

yeah a lot of us how many of you have

yeah a lot of us how many of you have experienced a woman breastfeeding her

experienced a woman breastfeeding her

experienced a woman breastfeeding her baby that has her babies smothered under

baby that has her babies smothered under

baby that has her babies smothered under a blanket yeah

a blanket yeah

a blanket yeah because here’s what happens we’d rather

because here’s what happens we’d rather

because here’s what happens we’d rather cover our baby up than to have you see a

cover our baby up than to have you see a

cover our baby up than to have you see a boob because we’ve grown up in a culture

boob because we’ve grown up in a culture

boob because we’ve grown up in a culture where that is not acceptable that is the

where that is not acceptable that is the

where that is not acceptable that is the shame that goes from childhood into

shame that goes from childhood into

shame that goes from childhood into adulthood and that’s what I’m referring

adulthood and that’s what I’m referring

adulthood and that’s what I’m referring to and I say this is how we’re raised so

to and I say this is how we’re raised so

to and I say this is how we’re raised so boys and girls are not raised the same

boys and girls are not raised the same

boys and girls are not raised the same in this country

in this country

in this country second unconscious gender bias is real

second unconscious gender bias is real

second unconscious gender bias is real and all that means is that we have

and all that means is that we have

and all that means is that we have expectations of someone based on their

expectations of someone based on their

expectations of someone based on their bias so we are for example expecting

bias so we are for example expecting

bias so we are for example expecting girls or women to be nice and we’re

girls or women to be nice and we’re

girls or women to be nice and we’re expecting men to be direct and to lead

expecting men to be direct and to lead

expecting men to be direct and to lead us to show us the way there was an

us to show us the way there was an

us to show us the way there was an incredible interview that I watched with

incredible interview that I watched with

incredible interview that I watched with Sheryl Sandberg and Oprah Winfrey and

Sheryl Sandberg and Oprah Winfrey and

Sheryl Sandberg and Oprah Winfrey and Sheryl Sandberg said you know women are

Sheryl Sandberg said you know women are

Sheryl Sandberg said you know women are still referred to or women are still

still referred to or women are still

still referred to or women are still expecting other women to be to rather be

expecting other women to be to rather be

expecting other women to be to rather be nice we expect women to be nice even now

nice we expect women to be nice even now

nice we expect women to be nice even now I stand on this stage as a feminist and

I stand on this stage as a feminist and

I stand on this stage as a feminist and I still expect a woman to be nice here’s

I still expect a woman to be nice here’s

I still expect a woman to be nice here’s what could happen here’s a great example

what could happen here’s a great example

what could happen here’s a great example if a man walked into a room and said hey

if a man walked into a room and said hey

if a man walked into a room and said hey I’ll need this by four o’clock we might

I’ll need this by four o’clock we might

I’ll need this by four o’clock we might go okay yeah sure at 4 o’clock if a

go okay yeah sure at 4 o’clock if a

go okay yeah sure at 4 o’clock if a woman walked into the room and did the

woman walked into the room and did the

woman walked into the room and did the exact same thing

exact same thing

exact same thing she’s assertive she’s aggressive she’s

she’s assertive she’s aggressive she’s

she’s assertive she’s aggressive she’s bitchy and she’s too direct because she

bitchy and she’s too direct because she

bitchy and she’s too direct because she didn’t have small talk first she didn’t

didn’t have small talk first she didn’t

didn’t have small talk first she didn’t ask me how my kids were doing she didn’t

ask me how my kids were doing she didn’t

ask me how my kids were doing she didn’t ask how my husband

ask how my husband

ask how my husband do you ever expect a man to walk into a

do you ever expect a man to walk into a

do you ever expect a man to walk into a room and ask you how your kids are doing

room and ask you how your kids are doing

room and ask you how your kids are doing no but even as women we expect that

no but even as women we expect that

no but even as women we expect that behavior of other women so it’s no

behavior of other women so it’s no

behavior of other women so it’s no surprise that we are in the place that

surprise that we are in the place that

surprise that we are in the place that we’re in today and then there’s the tall

we’re in today and then there’s the tall

we’re in today and then there’s the tall poppy syndrome the tall poppy syndrome

poppy syndrome the tall poppy syndrome

poppy syndrome the tall poppy syndrome is envy based the tall poppy syndrome is

is envy based the tall poppy syndrome is

is envy based the tall poppy syndrome is not something that we refer to a lot in

not something that we refer to a lot in

not something that we refer to a lot in the US but it’s talked about a lot more

the US but it’s talked about a lot more

the US but it’s talked about a lot more in Australia and it’s the idea that tall

in Australia and it’s the idea that tall

in Australia and it’s the idea that tall poppies or poppies that are in a field

poppies or poppies that are in a field

poppies or poppies that are in a field are meant to grow at about the same

are meant to grow at about the same

are meant to grow at about the same height and when one grows too high it

height and when one grows too high it

height and when one grows too high it gets chopped down so this is I love the

gets chopped down so this is I love the

gets chopped down so this is I love the audience going yeah yeah so this is what

audience going yeah yeah so this is what

audience going yeah yeah so this is what we do to women and women we do this to

we do to women and women we do this to

we do to women and women we do this to other women when women get a little bit

other women when women get a little bit

other women when women get a little bit too successful it makes us uncomfortable

too successful it makes us uncomfortable

too successful it makes us uncomfortable when they ask for a little bit too much

when they ask for a little bit too much

when they ask for a little bit too much and actually get it we don’t like that

and actually get it we don’t like that

and actually get it we don’t like that either so again these are not qualities

either so again these are not qualities

either so again these are not qualities or traits that we want to show off for

or traits that we want to show off for

or traits that we want to show off for the world because there’s a lot of shame

the world because there’s a lot of shame

the world because there’s a lot of shame behind them this tall poppy syndrome

behind them this tall poppy syndrome

behind them this tall poppy syndrome stems from envy it stems from jealousy

stems from envy it stems from jealousy

stems from envy it stems from jealousy remember we’re nice nice people aren’t

remember we’re nice nice people aren’t

remember we’re nice nice people aren’t jealous nice people aren’t envious so no

jealous nice people aren’t envious so no

jealous nice people aren’t envious so no we don’t want to admit to this and then

we don’t want to admit to this and then

we don’t want to admit to this and then there’s the imposter complex so we’re

there’s the imposter complex so we’re

there’s the imposter complex so we’re the tall poppy syndrome was envy based

the tall poppy syndrome was envy based

the tall poppy syndrome was envy based the imposter complex is fear-based

the imposter complex is fear-based

the imposter complex is fear-based the imposter complex as Tanya Geisler

the imposter complex as Tanya Geisler

the imposter complex as Tanya Geisler refers to it where we are unable to

refers to it where we are unable to

refers to it where we are unable to internalize our own successes so if any

internalize our own successes so if any

internalize our own successes so if any of you question whether or not you’ve

of you question whether or not you’ve

of you question whether or not you’ve experienced it it may sound something

experienced it it may sound something

experienced it it may sound something like this hey you did a great job out

like this hey you did a great job out

like this hey you did a great job out there and then you respond to go ah you

there and then you respond to go ah you

there and then you respond to go ah you know it really could have been better

know it really could have been better

know it really could have been better because I forgot this i forgot this and

because I forgot this i forgot this and

because I forgot this i forgot this and i forgot that sound familiar

i forgot that sound familiar

i forgot that sound familiar yeah here’s here’s a super example my

yeah here’s here’s a super example my

yeah here’s here’s a super example my mom for thanksgiving made a six-course

mom for thanksgiving made a six-course

mom for thanksgiving made a six-course meal six people six-course meal everyone

meal six people six-course meal everyone

meal six people six-course meal everyone proceeded to tell her how amazing the

proceeded to tell her how amazing the

proceeded to tell her how amazing the meal was she made 13 pies there’s only

meal was she made 13 pies there’s only

meal was she made 13 pies there’s only four kids she made 13 pies as everyone

four kids she made 13 pies as everyone

four kids she made 13 pies as everyone proceeded to tell her how amazing the

proceeded to tell her how amazing the

proceeded to tell her how amazing the meal was do you know what her response

meal was do you know what her response

meal was do you know what her response was

was

was it wasn’t thank you it was this that

it wasn’t thank you it was this that

it wasn’t thank you it was this that roast beef was dry kinda sounds silly

roast beef was dry kinda sounds silly

roast beef was dry kinda sounds silly but it’s the truth that is the impostor

but it’s the truth that is the impostor

but it’s the truth that is the impostor complex we are unable to internalize our

complex we are unable to internalize our

complex we are unable to internalize our own successes and it stems from one

own successes and it stems from one

own successes and it stems from one overwhelming feeling and that feeling is

overwhelming feeling and that feeling is

overwhelming feeling and that feeling is fear fear that we are not enough we are

fear fear that we are not enough we are

fear fear that we are not enough we are not good enough we are not as good as

not good enough we are not as good as

not good enough we are not as good as someone else maybe and so that shows up

someone else maybe and so that shows up

someone else maybe and so that shows up for us so we’ve talked about several

for us so we’ve talked about several

for us so we’ve talked about several ways in which we’ve gotten here and none

ways in which we’ve gotten here and none

ways in which we’ve gotten here and none of them are exceptionally beautiful but

of them are exceptionally beautiful but

of them are exceptionally beautiful but they are in fact our truth so you see

they are in fact our truth so you see

they are in fact our truth so you see women didn’t just wake up one day and

women didn’t just wake up one day and

women didn’t just wake up one day and decide not to be nice to other women no

decide not to be nice to other women no

decide not to be nice to other women no that’s not what happened

that’s not what happened

that’s not what happened we were culturally in many ways taught

we were culturally in many ways taught

we were culturally in many ways taught to show up the way we do today so this

to show up the way we do today so this

to show up the way we do today so this we are in fact in our culture taught to

we are in fact in our culture taught to

we are in fact in our culture taught to shun women I’ll share with you a story

shun women I’ll share with you a story

shun women I’ll share with you a story as I said I sent her on the stage a

as I said I sent her on the stage a

as I said I sent her on the stage a feminist with hot pink hair and pink

feminist with hot pink hair and pink

feminist with hot pink hair and pink lipstick and high heels who works

lipstick and high heels who works

lipstick and high heels who works specifically with women I attend a lot

specifically with women I attend a lot

specifically with women I attend a lot of women’s events and I would like to

of women’s events and I would like to

of women’s events and I would like to think that I know better I mean I know

think that I know better I mean I know

think that I know better I mean I know how we got here so why would I show up

how we got here so why would I show up

how we got here so why would I show up in the world in this way except I do and

in the world in this way except I do and

in the world in this way except I do and I have and I’ve been guilty of every

I have and I’ve been guilty of every

I have and I’ve been guilty of every single one of those last month I was at

single one of those last month I was at

single one of those last month I was at one of those events that I swear I don’t

one of those events that I swear I don’t

one of those events that I swear I don’t know how I get invited to these things

know how I get invited to these things

know how I get invited to these things but I did and there was a line wrapped

but I did and there was a line wrapped

but I did and there was a line wrapped around the block and I was on the VIP

around the block and I was on the VIP

around the block and I was on the VIP list so I was inside and I was having

list so I was inside and I was having

list so I was inside and I was having champagne with a girlfriend I don’t even

champagne with a girlfriend I don’t even

champagne with a girlfriend I don’t even like champagne but I was having

like champagne but I was having

like champagne but I was having champagne with a girlfriend and I I kid

champagne with a girlfriend and I I kid

champagne with a girlfriend and I I kid you not I just turned to the left for a

you not I just turned to the left for a

you not I just turned to the left for a second and I swear it looked like the

second and I swear it looked like the

second and I swear it looked like the crowds parted ways PS there were 1500

crowds parted ways PS there were 1500

crowds parted ways PS there were 1500 women at this event the crowds parted

women at this event the crowds parted

women at this event the crowds parted ways and this stunning woman walked

ways and this stunning woman walked

ways and this stunning woman walked through she had on a one-piece outfit

through she had on a one-piece outfit

through she had on a one-piece outfit and her thing was hanging out so I said

and her thing was hanging out so I said

and her thing was hanging out so I said everything yeah so but here’s what

everything yeah so but here’s what

everything yeah so but here’s what happened next I stood there I put my

happened next I stood there I put my

happened next I stood there I put my champagne down on the table I put my

champagne down on the table I put my

champagne down on the table I put my hands on

hands on

hands on hips and I went mm-hmm now why would she

hips and I went mm-hmm now why would she

hips and I went mm-hmm now why would she show up like that with everything

show up like that with everything

show up like that with everything hanging out I run a business to empower

hanging out I run a business to empower

hanging out I run a business to empower women but that was the thought that came

women but that was the thought that came

women but that was the thought that came to mind for me and I caught myself and I

to mind for me and I caught myself and I

to mind for me and I caught myself and I said Cindy this is not about that woman

said Cindy this is not about that woman

said Cindy this is not about that woman so here’s what I did next I kept my

so here’s what I did next I kept my

so here’s what I did next I kept my champagne down on the table for about

champagne down on the table for about

champagne down on the table for about 1.5 more seconds I picked it up and I

1.5 more seconds I picked it up and I

1.5 more seconds I picked it up and I sauntered over to a floor mentioned

sauntered over to a floor mentioned

sauntered over to a floor mentioned beautiful woman and I said hey beautiful

beautiful woman and I said hey beautiful

beautiful woman and I said hey beautiful woman how did you get the courage to

woman how did you get the courage to

woman how did you get the courage to show up in a room of 1,500 powerful

show up in a room of 1,500 powerful

show up in a room of 1,500 powerful women dressed like that

women dressed like that

women dressed like that we spent I love this it feels like

we spent I love this it feels like

we spent I love this it feels like church thank you for that we spent the

church thank you for that we spent the

church thank you for that we spent the next half an hour in a conversation that

next half an hour in a conversation that

next half an hour in a conversation that ended in laughter and in tears and what

ended in laughter and in tears and what

ended in laughter and in tears and what that taught me was this there’s an

that taught me was this there’s an

that taught me was this there’s an amazing quote by brené Brown in her

amazing quote by brené Brown in her

amazing quote by brené Brown in her newest book and she says we cannot hate

newest book and she says we cannot hate

newest book and she says we cannot hate people close up she was right

people close up she was right

people close up she was right because the second I walked over to this

because the second I walked over to this

because the second I walked over to this woman and had a conversation she was me

woman and had a conversation she was me

woman and had a conversation she was me and we can laugh and we can cry and we

and we can laugh and we can cry and we

and we can laugh and we can cry and we can share one another’s truths and so

can share one another’s truths and so

can share one another’s truths and so we’ve got to be willing to move in to

we’ve got to be willing to move in to

we’ve got to be willing to move in to lean in and to have those conversations

lean in and to have those conversations

lean in and to have those conversations more honestly so you may be wondering

more honestly so you may be wondering

more honestly so you may be wondering where do we go from here how do we go

where do we go from here how do we go

where do we go from here how do we go from sharing the narrative where we all

from sharing the narrative where we all

from sharing the narrative where we all hate each other and we’re only

hate each other and we’re only

hate each other and we’re only pretending to uplift each other to one

pretending to uplift each other to one

pretending to uplift each other to one in which we actually do it’s not that

in which we actually do it’s not that

in which we actually do it’s not that hard and there are four R’s to remember

hard and there are four R’s to remember

hard and there are four R’s to remember first recognize and acknowledge how you

first recognize and acknowledge how you

first recognize and acknowledge how you feel and that these feelings are not

feel and that these feelings are not

feel and that these feelings are not about the other woman so the next time a

about the other woman so the next time a

about the other woman so the next time a beautiful woman walks into the room just

beautiful woman walks into the room just

beautiful woman walks into the room just honor that recognize like oh yeah I

honor that recognize like oh yeah I

honor that recognize like oh yeah I checked her out definitely checked her

checked her out definitely checked her

checked her out definitely checked her out

out

out and I and I’m thinking the things that

and I and I’m thinking the things that

and I and I’m thinking the things that I’m thinking definitely thinking those

I’m thinking definitely thinking those

I’m thinking definitely thinking those things but equally acknowledge that it’s

things but equally acknowledge that it’s

things but equally acknowledge that it’s not about her because she didn’t

not about her because she didn’t

not about her because she didn’t actually do anything she just showed up

actually do anything she just showed up

actually do anything she just showed up being awesome the way we all should

being awesome the way we all should

being awesome the way we all should second redirect those feelings towards

second redirect those feelings towards

second redirect those feelings towards empathy toward grace and curiosity and

empathy toward grace and curiosity and

empathy toward grace and curiosity and what I mean when I say that is redirect

what I mean when I say that is redirect

what I mean when I say that is redirect those feelings toward ourselves so

those feelings toward ourselves so

those feelings toward ourselves so rather than feeling shame around the way

rather than feeling shame around the way

rather than feeling shame around the way that we feel when a beautiful woman or a

that we feel when a beautiful woman or a

that we feel when a beautiful woman or a successful woman walks in the room show

successful woman walks in the room show

successful woman walks in the room show ourselves grace show ourselves empathy

ourselves grace show ourselves empathy

ourselves grace show ourselves empathy be curious have the conversation and

be curious have the conversation and

be curious have the conversation and explore however do take responsibility

explore however do take responsibility

explore however do take responsibility and accountability for your fears

and accountability for your fears

and accountability for your fears because when we acknowledge what is true

because when we acknowledge what is true

because when we acknowledge what is true for us it gives the power back because

for us it gives the power back because

for us it gives the power back because fear can no longer take hold of us the

fear can no longer take hold of us the

fear can no longer take hold of us the third are reach out and build conscious

third are reach out and build conscious

third are reach out and build conscious community as long as we as women

community as long as we as women

community as long as we as women continue to see ourselves as other we

continue to see ourselves as other we

continue to see ourselves as other we will never come together we can never

will never come together we can never

will never come together we can never truly empower other women so we must

truly empower other women so we must

truly empower other women so we must change this narrative because when we do

change this narrative because when we do

change this narrative because when we do come together we change history

come together we change history

come together we change history insert women’s March history-making

insert women’s March history-making

insert women’s March history-making January 21st 2017 yeah give a high five

January 21st 2017 yeah give a high five

January 21st 2017 yeah give a high five to the women’s March I am not mad at

to the women’s March I am not mad at

to the women’s March I am not mad at them we were there fourth are actually

them we were there fourth are actually

them we were there fourth are actually this is a great quote it says there’s a

this is a great quote it says there’s a

this is a great quote it says there’s a quiet transformation happening that is

quiet transformation happening that is

quiet transformation happening that is moving us from turning on each other

moving us from turning on each other

moving us from turning on each other instead turning toward each other

instead turning toward each other

instead turning toward each other Piper nee Brown and that’s what I mean

Piper nee Brown and that’s what I mean

Piper nee Brown and that’s what I mean by build conscious community finally

by build conscious community finally

by build conscious community finally reflect and live your deepest values in

reflect and live your deepest values in

reflect and live your deepest values in your why because when you give yourself

your why because when you give yourself

your why because when you give yourself permission to show up in the world for

permission to show up in the world for

permission to show up in the world for everything that you are and boldly stand

everything that you are and boldly stand

everything that you are and boldly stand up and tell your truth you are

up and tell your truth you are

up and tell your truth you are empowering one another to do the same as

empowering one another to do the same as

empowering one another to do the same as women we are permission givers for one

women we are permission givers for one

women we are permission givers for one another and we have got to take that

another and we have got to take that

another and we have got to take that role seriously so recognize redirect

role seriously so recognize redirect

role seriously so recognize redirect reach out and reflect

reach out and reflect

reach out and reflect we must first get to know ourselves and

we must first get to know ourselves and

we must first get to know ourselves and hold a mirror up to our relationships

hold a mirror up to our relationships

hold a mirror up to our relationships with other women before we can move

with other women before we can move

with other women before we can move forward your courage your empathy and

forward your courage your empathy and

forward your courage your empathy and your grace our permission giving and

your grace our permission giving and

your grace our permission giving and more so they are visionary for everyone

more so they are visionary for everyone

more so they are visionary for everyone around you and it is only via these

around you and it is only via these

around you and it is only via these behaviors that we can truly and

behaviors that we can truly and

behaviors that we can truly and collectively rise thank you

”

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