[Applause] do not tell us that we are unworthy with
do not tell us that we are unworthy with
do not tell us that we are unworthy with your words or your actions I have
your words or your actions I have
your words or your actions I have learned not to believe you I am choosing
learned not to believe you I am choosing
learned not to believe you I am choosing not to believe you I will move to my own
not to believe you I will move to my own
not to believe you I will move to my own hearts beat I am taking comfort in my
hearts beat I am taking comfort in my
hearts beat I am taking comfort in my minds own whisper I’m finding safety in
minds own whisper I’m finding safety in
minds own whisper I’m finding safety in my soul’s own song labels some more
my soul’s own song labels some more
my soul’s own song labels some more obvious than others black women young
obvious than others black women young
obvious than others black women young ish labels some transient former local
ish labels some transient former local
ish labels some transient former local government employee labels some fixed
government employee labels some fixed
government employee labels some fixed and surprising hiv-positive some more
and surprising hiv-positive some more
and surprising hiv-positive some more obvious than others some come as a
obvious than others some come as a
obvious than others some come as a surprise once they revealed that labels
surprise once they revealed that labels
surprise once they revealed that labels they typically have some things in
they typically have some things in
they typically have some things in common they strip us of our identities
common they strip us of our identities
common they strip us of our identities and our individuality now I’m standing
and our individuality now I’m standing
and our individuality now I’m standing here before you hoping that my HIV
here before you hoping that my HIV
here before you hoping that my HIV status is not going to distract you from
status is not going to distract you from
status is not going to distract you from the purpose of this talk but you might
the purpose of this talk but you might
the purpose of this talk but you might actually be more concerned that I used
actually be more concerned that I used
actually be more concerned that I used to work in local government because you
to work in local government because you
to work in local government because you are really not a fan of the state
generally labels they other us they
generally labels they other us they marginalize us they put us over there
marginalize us they put us over there
marginalize us they put us over there over there anywhere but here and it’s a
over there anywhere but here and it’s a
over there anywhere but here and it’s a result of the stereotypes that are tied
result of the stereotypes that are tied
result of the stereotypes that are tied to the stigmas stigma is society saying
to the stigmas stigma is society saying
to the stigmas stigma is society saying that a group of people well they’re no
that a group of people well they’re no
that a group of people well they’re no more than their health diagnosis stigma
more than their health diagnosis stigma
more than their health diagnosis stigma is society saying that those kinds of
is society saying that those kinds of
is society saying that those kinds of people well they just don’t really make
people well they just don’t really make
people well they just don’t really make it that far
it that far
it that far self-stigma is believing it it’s taking
self-stigma is believing it it’s taking
self-stigma is believing it it’s taking those internal stereotypes and
those internal stereotypes and
those internal stereotypes and internalizing them as truth and the
internalizing them as truth and the
internalizing them as truth and the result can be something that sits heavy
result can be something that sits heavy
result can be something that sits heavy within us it traps us haves us living in
within us it traps us haves us living in
within us it traps us haves us living in fear of speaking or in truths and its
fear of speaking or in truths and its
fear of speaking or in truths and its limiting our potential in the various
limiting our potential in the various
limiting our potential in the various roles that I’ve had in advocacy personal
roles that I’ve had in advocacy personal
roles that I’ve had in advocacy personal development an employment support I’ve
development an employment support I’ve
development an employment support I’ve seen self-stigma present itself in
seen self-stigma present itself in
seen self-stigma present itself in different ways I’ve seen self-stigma
different ways I’ve seen self-stigma
different ways I’ve seen self-stigma prevent people from taking their
prevent people from taking their
prevent people from taking their medication because it just reminds them
medication because it just reminds them
medication because it just reminds them too much of their health diagnosis I’ve
too much of their health diagnosis I’ve
too much of their health diagnosis I’ve seen self-stigma prevent people from
seen self-stigma prevent people from
seen self-stigma prevent people from speaking up because they just don’t
speaking up because they just don’t
speaking up because they just don’t think their voice deserves to be heard
think their voice deserves to be heard
think their voice deserves to be heard I’ve even seen self-stigma have people
I’ve even seen self-stigma have people
I’ve even seen self-stigma have people believing that they’re not deserving of
believing that they’re not deserving of
believing that they’re not deserving of loving and respectful relationships and
loving and respectful relationships and
loving and respectful relationships and it doesn’t exist in a vacuum it exists
it doesn’t exist in a vacuum it exists
it doesn’t exist in a vacuum it exists because of those external messages that
because of those external messages that
because of those external messages that we receive externally but the way that
we receive externally but the way that
we receive externally but the way that the world is currently turn in we could
the world is currently turn in we could
the world is currently turn in we could be waiting a long time for the world to
be waiting a long time for the world to
be waiting a long time for the world to perceive them differently and why should
perceive them differently and why should
perceive them differently and why should we wait why should we wait for the world
we wait why should we wait for the world
we wait why should we wait for the world to catch up what if we could take some
to catch up what if we could take some
to catch up what if we could take some steps now so that we can unlearn those
steps now so that we can unlearn those
steps now so that we can unlearn those stereotypes so that those messages don’t
stereotypes so that those messages don’t
stereotypes so that those messages don’t vibrate so forcefully and violently
vibrate so forcefully and violently
vibrate so forcefully and violently through our beings denying us of our
through our beings denying us of our
through our beings denying us of our potential and denying us of our humanity
potential and denying us of our humanity
potential and denying us of our humanity overcoming self-stigma starts from a
overcoming self-stigma starts from a
overcoming self-stigma starts from a place of self-care overcoming self
place of self-care overcoming self
place of self-care overcoming self stigma is self-care I’m going to give
stigma is self-care I’m going to give
stigma is self-care I’m going to give you a heads up now this isn’t going to
you a heads up now this isn’t going to
you a heads up now this isn’t going to be one of those sorts of talks where I
be one of those sorts of talks where I
be one of those sorts of talks where I dig into my trauma that narrative has
dig into my trauma that narrative has
dig into my trauma that narrative has been sold and pushed for quite a long
been sold and pushed for quite a long
been sold and pushed for quite a long time and it has people like me people
time and it has people like me people
time and it has people like me people living with HIV having to battle against
living with HIV having to battle against
living with HIV having to battle against twenty to thirty years of misinformation
twenty to thirty years of misinformation
twenty to thirty years of misinformation and half-truths so it’s not going to be
and half-truths so it’s not going to be
and half-truths so it’s not going to be one of those sort of talks because I
one of those sort of talks because I
one of those sort of talks because I can’t wait for you to catch up
stigma it’s ultimately pinned in
stigma it’s ultimately pinned in stereotypes so step one for me
stereotypes so step one for me
stereotypes so step one for me recognizing my humanity that the
recognizing my humanity that the
recognizing my humanity that the stereotypes had taken was to unlearn
stereotypes had taken was to unlearn
stereotypes had taken was to unlearn those stereotypes stripping away the
those stereotypes stripping away the
those stereotypes stripping away the sensational news living with HIV
sensational news living with HIV
sensational news living with HIV ultimately means that my immune system
ultimately means that my immune system
ultimately means that my immune system isn’t as strong as some of you in the
isn’t as strong as some of you in the
isn’t as strong as some of you in the room which means I’m more likely to
room which means I’m more likely to
room which means I’m more likely to catch a cold but because I take medicine
catch a cold but because I take medicine
catch a cold but because I take medicine my immune system is as strong as most of
my immune system is as strong as most of
my immune system is as strong as most of you in the room and it might actually be
you in the room and it might actually be
you in the room and it might actually be stronger now it’s not a competition but
stronger now it’s not a competition but
stronger now it’s not a competition but it’s an interesting reality and we’re
it’s an interesting reality and we’re
it’s an interesting reality and we’re living in a time where more people are
living in a time where more people are
living in a time where more people are gaining a better understanding of how
gaining a better understanding of how
gaining a better understanding of how the stigmas and stereotypes tied to
the stigmas and stereotypes tied to
the stigmas and stereotypes tied to their labels have been and are being
their labels have been and are being
their labels have been and are being used against them in a structural way
used against them in a structural way
used against them in a structural way and with that knowledge more groups of
and with that knowledge more groups of
and with that knowledge more groups of people are learning that self Sigma and
people are learning that self Sigma and
people are learning that self Sigma and some of us are using that knowledge to
some of us are using that knowledge to
some of us are using that knowledge to tackle the source the external stigma
tackle the source the external stigma
tackle the source the external stigma whenever we’re unexpectedly confronted
whenever we’re unexpectedly confronted
whenever we’re unexpectedly confronted now a few years ago when I was in
now a few years ago when I was in
now a few years ago when I was in undergrad I visited my student doctor
undergrad I visited my student doctor
undergrad I visited my student doctor who said and I quote I’m not sure if you
who said and I quote I’m not sure if you
who said and I quote I’m not sure if you can do this job with your condition now
can do this job with your condition now
can do this job with your condition now at the time I was a bartender and at
at the time I was a bartender and at
at the time I was a bartender and at that time there were five jobs that I
that time there were five jobs that I
that time there were five jobs that I couldn’t do I’m the UK law now there’s
couldn’t do I’m the UK law now there’s
couldn’t do I’m the UK law now there’s one the law took a long time to catch up
one the law took a long time to catch up
one the law took a long time to catch up to but at no time were the five or one
to but at no time were the five or one
to but at no time were the five or one did it ever state that I couldn’t serve
did it ever state that I couldn’t serve
did it ever state that I couldn’t serve a lager Shandy and my local student wah
a lager Shandy and my local student wah
a lager Shandy and my local student wah so I explained this to the doctor in a
so I explained this to the doctor in a
so I explained this to the doctor in a less litigious way and in that moment
less litigious way and in that moment
less litigious way and in that moment the potential that I was reaching was
the potential that I was reaching was
the potential that I was reaching was empowering myself overcoming self-stigma
empowering myself overcoming self-stigma
empowering myself overcoming self-stigma it’s defining who you are what you can
it’s defining who you are what you can
it’s defining who you are what you can do and what you can achieve and yeah in
do and what you can achieve and yeah in
do and what you can achieve and yeah in that moment it was simply me saying but
that moment it was simply me saying but
that moment it was simply me saying but had a right to serve that larga Shandy
had a right to serve that larga Shandy
had a right to serve that larga Shandy and even with a packet of crisps too and
and even with a packet of crisps too and
and even with a packet of crisps too and I was able to do that because I had the
I was able to do that because I had the
I was able to do that because I had the information and because I had the words
information and because I had the words
information and because I had the words to the words he used
to the words he used
to the words he used what do they say about you because
what do they say about you because
what do they say about you because language is powerful what do they say
language is powerful what do they say
language is powerful what do they say about the way you feel about yourself
about the way you feel about yourself
about the way you feel about yourself what do they say about the way you see
what do they say about the way you see
what do they say about the way you see yourself self stigma is paying that
yourself self stigma is paying that
yourself self stigma is paying that internal message that negative message
internal message that negative message
internal message that negative message over and over again in our minds and we
over and over again in our minds and we
over and over again in our minds and we can get so good at playing it that we
can get so good at playing it that we
can get so good at playing it that we don’t even need society’s external tune
don’t even need society’s external tune
don’t even need society’s external tune to keep it going and sometimes that
to keep it going and sometimes that
to keep it going and sometimes that external tune it changes and we’re still
external tune it changes and we’re still
external tune it changes and we’re still singing to the old beat and it can
singing to the old beat and it can
singing to the old beat and it can present itself in different ways it’s
present itself in different ways it’s
present itself in different ways it’s constantly apologizing for taking up
constantly apologizing for taking up
constantly apologizing for taking up space always apologizing for speaking
space always apologizing for speaking
space always apologizing for speaking sometimes it presents itself is cutting
sometimes it presents itself is cutting
sometimes it presents itself is cutting yourself out of the point that you’re
yourself out of the point that you’re
yourself out of the point that you’re trying to make before you’ve even
trying to make before you’ve even
trying to make before you’ve even finished it for example overcoming self
finished it for example overcoming self
finished it for example overcoming self stigma is really important for you to
stigma is really important for you to
stigma is really important for you to achieve your potential but if it seems
achieve your potential but if it seems
achieve your potential but if it seems like it’s going to be too much of a
like it’s going to be too much of a
like it’s going to be too much of a hassle then I guess why would you bother
hassle then I guess why would you bother
hassle then I guess why would you bother mm-hmm all those ways and more we’ve
mm-hmm all those ways and more we’ve
mm-hmm all those ways and more we’ve learnt to do that so we can unlearn that
learnt to do that so we can unlearn that
learnt to do that so we can unlearn that and yes it is worth the hassle
and yes it is worth the hassle
and yes it is worth the hassle because the words you use the messages
because the words you use the messages
because the words you use the messages you use you’re receiving the same
you use you’re receiving the same
you use you’re receiving the same messages and the words we use can either
messages and the words we use can either
messages and the words we use can either cap or create our potential whatever
cap or create our potential whatever
cap or create our potential whatever that potential might be yeah it could be
that potential might be yeah it could be
that potential might be yeah it could be becoming that CEO or writing that
becoming that CEO or writing that
becoming that CEO or writing that children’s book on the dark holidays it
children’s book on the dark holidays it
children’s book on the dark holidays it could be getting up having a shower and
could be getting up having a shower and
could be getting up having a shower and getting dressed your potential isn’t
getting dressed your potential isn’t
getting dressed your potential isn’t fixed it’s not a fixed goalpost just
fixed it’s not a fixed goalpost just
fixed it’s not a fixed goalpost just don’t make it a limited one you never
don’t make it a limited one you never
don’t make it a limited one you never know one day it could even be sharing
know one day it could even be sharing
know one day it could even be sharing your story to other people or comforting
your story to other people or comforting
your story to other people or comforting others with similar self stigmas just
others with similar self stigmas just
others with similar self stigmas just remember that overcoming your self
remember that overcoming your self
remember that overcoming your self stigma started from a place of self care
stigma started from a place of self care
stigma started from a place of self care overcoming self stigma is self-care so
overcoming self stigma is self-care so
overcoming self stigma is self-care so tell your story on your own terms you do
tell your story on your own terms you do
tell your story on your own terms you do not need to cut yourself wide open to
not need to cut yourself wide open to
not need to cut yourself wide open to share it you never know
share it you never know
share it you never know you might already know somebody that is
you might already know somebody that is
you might already know somebody that is going through a similar internal stigma
going through a similar internal stigma
going through a similar internal stigma that you’ve already been through they’ve
that you’ve already been through they’ve
that you’ve already been through they’ve already found another way an alternative
already found another way an alternative
already found another way an alternative to that narrative to those messages
overcoming self-stigma is saying what I
overcoming self-stigma is saying what I held as truth yesterday is not why I
held as truth yesterday is not why I
held as truth yesterday is not why I hold his truth today so do not tell me
hold his truth today so do not tell me
hold his truth today so do not tell me that I am unworthy
that I am unworthy
that I am unworthy I no longer believe you letting go to
I no longer believe you letting go to
I no longer believe you letting go to move on I would like to close my talk in
move on I would like to close my talk in
move on I would like to close my talk in the way that I began it with a poem and
the way that I began it with a poem and
the way that I began it with a poem and this one I dedicate to all of you as you
this one I dedicate to all of you as you
this one I dedicate to all of you as you are
are
are I had has had its time do you understand
I had has had its time do you understand
I had has had its time do you understand the importance of I the magnificence of
the importance of I the magnificence of
the importance of I the magnificence of I not dwelling on I was held back or
I not dwelling on I was held back or
I not dwelling on I was held back or distracted by I will be sidelines but
distracted by I will be sidelines but
distracted by I will be sidelines but celebrating I we damned what has been
celebrating I we damned what has been
celebrating I we damned what has been forgetting that I am well it’s progress
forgetting that I am well it’s progress
forgetting that I am well it’s progress spirit focusing on the dreams of
spirit focusing on the dreams of
spirit focusing on the dreams of tomorrow the mansions to be built
tomorrow the mansions to be built
tomorrow the mansions to be built failing to realize that I am is the
failing to realize that I am is the
failing to realize that I am is the foundation merely seeing I am as a
foundation merely seeing I am as a
foundation merely seeing I am as a journey toward something else without
journey toward something else without
journey toward something else without acknowledging I am individual moments
acknowledging I am individual moments
acknowledging I am individual moments but listen I had has had its time it
but listen I had has had its time it
but listen I had has had its time it lacks the knowledge of I I will be well
lacks the knowledge of I I will be well
lacks the knowledge of I I will be well it’s dependent it longs for the
it’s dependent it longs for the
it’s dependent it longs for the certainty of I am I am has the greatest
certainty of I am I am has the greatest
certainty of I am I am has the greatest perspective I am is where the choices
perspective I am is where the choices
perspective I am is where the choices can be made I am is the only one here
can be made I am is the only one here
can be made I am is the only one here with you in this moment immerse
with you in this moment immerse
with you in this moment immerse yourselves in yes I thank you
”
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