I died when I was 11 and that was the moment I stopped living it was only for
moment I stopped living it was only for
moment I stopped living it was only for a couple of seconds but those seconds
a couple of seconds but those seconds
a couple of seconds but those seconds changed my life it was the moment I
changed my life it was the moment I
changed my life it was the moment I stopped being scared of death and
stopped being scared of death and
stopped being scared of death and started being scared of life by 11 years
started being scared of life by 11 years
started being scared of life by 11 years old I’d had a brain tumor a punctured
old I’d had a brain tumor a punctured
old I’d had a brain tumor a punctured intestine assist in my brain and I lived
intestine assist in my brain and I lived
intestine assist in my brain and I lived with a condition called hydrocephalus
with a condition called hydrocephalus
with a condition called hydrocephalus in fact I still do which means I have a
in fact I still do which means I have a
in fact I still do which means I have a metal valve in the back of my brain and
metal valve in the back of my brain and
metal valve in the back of my brain and a plastic tube that runs down the back
a plastic tube that runs down the back
a plastic tube that runs down the back of my neck by 11 years old I’d had 13
of my neck by 11 years old I’d had 13
of my neck by 11 years old I’d had 13 surgeries I had had more surgeries than
surgeries I had had more surgeries than
surgeries I had had more surgeries than years I’d been alive I hated my body not
years I’d been alive I hated my body not
years I’d been alive I hated my body not a soft kind of hatred but at real raw I
a soft kind of hatred but at real raw I
a soft kind of hatred but at real raw I want to stab you with a pitchfork kind
want to stab you with a pitchfork kind
want to stab you with a pitchfork kind of hatred
of hatred
of hatred I didn’t just hate my body for what it
I didn’t just hate my body for what it
I didn’t just hate my body for what it looked like I hated it for what it
looked like I hated it for what it
looked like I hated it for what it wouldn’t let me do I hated it for every
wouldn’t let me do I hated it for every
wouldn’t let me do I hated it for every time I had to sit out of sports couldn’t
time I had to sit out of sports couldn’t
time I had to sit out of sports couldn’t go to school was pulled away from my
go to school was pulled away from my
go to school was pulled away from my friends I hated it for the fact that it
friends I hated it for the fact that it
friends I hated it for the fact that it put me in pain every single day and most
put me in pain every single day and most
put me in pain every single day and most of all I hate it for the fact when I was
of all I hate it for the fact when I was
of all I hate it for the fact when I was 10 years old and I wore a bikini for the
10 years old and I wore a bikini for the
10 years old and I wore a bikini for the first time people pointed instead
first time people pointed instead
first time people pointed instead pointed and stared at the scars across
pointed and stared at the scars across
pointed and stared at the scars across my stomach the scars from my surgeries
my stomach the scars from my surgeries
my stomach the scars from my surgeries with looks of shock pity and horror I
with looks of shock pity and horror I
with looks of shock pity and horror I hated my body for making me different in
hated my body for making me different in
hated my body for making me different in appearance and ability I was born into a
appearance and ability I was born into a
appearance and ability I was born into a body that did not work it stopped
body that did not work it stopped
body that did not work it stopped working before even the age of one I’m
working before even the age of one I’m
working before even the age of one I’m essentially the runt of the litter
essentially the runt of the litter
essentially the runt of the litter I’m the bike for the missing wheel
I’m the bike for the missing wheel
I’m the bike for the missing wheel that’s heady with a missing eye or the
that’s heady with a missing eye or the
that’s heady with a missing eye or the handbag with a strap loose at 18 years
handbag with a strap loose at 18 years
handbag with a strap loose at 18 years old in a room full of my closest
old in a room full of my closest
old in a room full of my closest girlfriends that’s actually how I
girlfriends that’s actually how I
girlfriends that’s actually how I described my body a damaged handbag one
described my body a damaged handbag one
described my body a damaged handbag one that no one actually wanted would break
that no one actually wanted would break
that no one actually wanted would break time and time again and after exhausting
time and time again and after exhausting
time and time again and after exhausting all repairs would be thrown away early
all repairs would be thrown away early
all repairs would be thrown away early you see most of you have bodies that
you see most of you have bodies that
you see most of you have bodies that work they work so well you don’t even
work they work so well you don’t even
work they work so well you don’t even think about it well my body did not work
think about it well my body did not work
think about it well my body did not work and trust me I thought about it every
and trust me I thought about it every
and trust me I thought about it every single day from the age of eleven I
single day from the age of eleven I
single day from the age of eleven I thought about it almost thoughtlessly
thought about it almost thoughtlessly
thought about it almost thoughtlessly but there was a moment when I was 15
but there was a moment when I was 15
but there was a moment when I was 15 when I realized just how much I was
when I realized just how much I was
when I realized just how much I was walking out of a sports lesson with a
walking out of a sports lesson with a
walking out of a sports lesson with a friend and we were walking past a door
friend and we were walking past a door
friend and we were walking past a door and she caught her reflection and she
and she caught her reflection and she
and she caught her reflection and she went down my muddly this was a girl
went down my muddly this was a girl
went down my muddly this was a girl whose body I wanted this was a girl
whose body I wanted this was a girl
whose body I wanted this was a girl whose body I envied and yet she sounded
whose body I envied and yet she sounded
whose body I envied and yet she sounded just like me so I made a decision I was
just like me so I made a decision I was
just like me so I made a decision I was gonna stop bitching about my body I
gonna stop bitching about my body I
gonna stop bitching about my body I couldn’t control my thoughts but I can
couldn’t control my thoughts but I can
couldn’t control my thoughts but I can control what I said out loud and I was
control what I said out loud and I was
control what I said out loud and I was just gonna stop vocalizing my negative
just gonna stop vocalizing my negative
just gonna stop vocalizing my negative opinions about myself don’t get me wrong
opinions about myself don’t get me wrong
opinions about myself don’t get me wrong I still hated my body but the whole
I still hated my body but the whole
I still hated my body but the whole world didn’t need to know about it at 19
world didn’t need to know about it at 19
world didn’t need to know about it at 19 years old they’re inevitable happened
years old they’re inevitable happened
years old they’re inevitable happened and I landed back in hospital this time
and I landed back in hospital this time
and I landed back in hospital this time for an obstructed bowel two more
for an obstructed bowel two more
for an obstructed bowel two more surgeries in my second year of
surgeries in my second year of
surgeries in my second year of university six weeks this time bedridden
university six weeks this time bedridden
university six weeks this time bedridden unable to eat drink shower walk and now
unable to eat drink shower walk and now
unable to eat drink shower walk and now well now my body really didn’t work like
well now my body really didn’t work like
well now my body really didn’t work like everyone else I thought I’d live till 90
everyone else I thought I’d live till 90
everyone else I thought I’d live till 90 and right before my very eyes I saw
and right before my very eyes I saw
and right before my very eyes I saw ninety shrink down to 19 I thought about
ninety shrink down to 19 I thought about
ninety shrink down to 19 I thought about the time a friend had invited me over to
the time a friend had invited me over to
the time a friend had invited me over to his house and I said no because it was a
his house and I said no because it was a
his house and I said no because it was a 20-minute walk and I couldn’t be
20-minute walk and I couldn’t be
20-minute walk and I couldn’t be bothered I thought about the time a
bothered I thought about the time a
bothered I thought about the time a friend invited me shopping and I said no
friend invited me shopping and I said no
friend invited me shopping and I said no because it was cold because it was
because it was cold because it was
because it was cold because it was raining I thought about the time a
raining I thought about the time a
raining I thought about the time a friend invited me to the gym and I said
friend invited me to the gym and I said
friend invited me to the gym and I said no because I didn’t want to be the fat
no because I didn’t want to be the fat
no because I didn’t want to be the fat girl in dance class I thought about
girl in dance class I thought about
girl in dance class I thought about every time I complained about my flabby
every time I complained about my flabby
every time I complained about my flabby thighs and now I couldn’t walk I thought
thighs and now I couldn’t walk I thought
thighs and now I couldn’t walk I thought about every time I complained about my
about every time I complained about my
about every time I complained about my bingo wings and now I couldn’t move my
bingo wings and now I couldn’t move my
bingo wings and now I couldn’t move my arms I thought about every time I
arms I thought about every time I
arms I thought about every time I complained about my scars and now I
complained about my scars and now I
complained about my scars and now I realized their purpose my scars are from
realized their purpose my scars are from
realized their purpose my scars are from my surgeries they start on my head their
my surgeries they start on my head their
my surgeries they start on my head their feel my neck
feel my neck
feel my neck so feel my ankles but the both of them
so feel my ankles but the both of them
so feel my ankles but the both of them are across my stomach I’ve been told
are across my stomach I’ve been told
are across my stomach I’ve been told they looked like a smiley face a winky
they looked like a smiley face a winky
they looked like a smiley face a winky face on particularly bloated days but to
face on particularly bloated days but to
face on particularly bloated days but to me they’ll always look like an
me they’ll always look like an
me they’ll always look like an incomplete game of noughts and crosses
incomplete game of noughts and crosses
incomplete game of noughts and crosses my scars are my largest insecurity I
my scars are my largest insecurity I
my scars are my largest insecurity I thought of every time I’d been ashamed
thought of every time I’d been ashamed
thought of every time I’d been ashamed of them embarrassed of them whether it
of them embarrassed of them whether it
of them embarrassed of them whether it was taking my top off in front of
was taking my top off in front of
was taking my top off in front of friends in a changing room or taking my
friends in a changing room or taking my
friends in a changing room or taking my top off in front of a boy for the first
top off in front of a boy for the first
top off in front of a boy for the first time I thought about the elaborate
time I thought about the elaborate
time I thought about the elaborate explanations I would go through to make
explanations I would go through to make
explanations I would go through to make them feel comfortable about my body I
them feel comfortable about my body I
them feel comfortable about my body I had been wrong this entire time I was so
had been wrong this entire time I was so
had been wrong this entire time I was so focused on how my body didn’t work like
focused on how my body didn’t work like
focused on how my body didn’t work like everyone else’s that I forgot it clearly
everyone else’s that I forgot it clearly
everyone else’s that I forgot it clearly does work I mean I’m here aren’t I my
does work I mean I’m here aren’t I my
does work I mean I’m here aren’t I my body didn’t just work it overworked I
body didn’t just work it overworked I
body didn’t just work it overworked I survived 15 surgeries I’ve had more
survived 15 surgeries I’ve had more
survived 15 surgeries I’ve had more organs operated on than I haven’t and
organs operated on than I haven’t and
organs operated on than I haven’t and I’m still here I literally took on death
I’m still here I literally took on death
I’m still here I literally took on death at 11 and 1 and I still didn’t think my
at 11 and 1 and I still didn’t think my
at 11 and 1 and I still didn’t think my body was good enough my body hadn’t been
body was good enough my body hadn’t been
body was good enough my body hadn’t been fighting me my body had been fighting
fighting me my body had been fighting
fighting me my body had been fighting for me we talked about having a
for me we talked about having a
for me we talked about having a relationship with your body well if it
relationship with your body well if it
relationship with your body well if it was actually a relationship it wasn’t my
was actually a relationship it wasn’t my
was actually a relationship it wasn’t my body that wanted the divorce it was my
body that wanted the divorce it was my
body that wanted the divorce it was my brain when I eventually came out of
brain when I eventually came out of
brain when I eventually came out of hospital I had this new energy for life
hospital I had this new energy for life
hospital I had this new energy for life I was like a newborn amazed by the
I was like a newborn amazed by the
I was like a newborn amazed by the simplest of things when I started
simplest of things when I started
simplest of things when I started learning how to walk it wasn’t enough I
learning how to walk it wasn’t enough I
learning how to walk it wasn’t enough I wanted to run I would try NASA’s would
wanted to run I would try NASA’s would
wanted to run I would try NASA’s would chase after me as my dressing robe or
chase after me as my dressing robe or
chase after me as my dressing robe or what they call a dignity robe flew open
what they call a dignity robe flew open
what they call a dignity robe flew open exposing my ass to the world I was gonna
exposing my ass to the world I was gonna
exposing my ass to the world I was gonna run on behalf of people who couldn’t and
run on behalf of people who couldn’t and
run on behalf of people who couldn’t and not just that I was going to do every
not just that I was going to do every
not just that I was going to do every single thing that ever scared me I
single thing that ever scared me I
single thing that ever scared me I started hiking I went to dance class for
started hiking I went to dance class for
started hiking I went to dance class for the first time I went on rollercoasters
the first time I went on rollercoasters
the first time I went on rollercoasters I started paddle boarding and horse
I started paddle boarding and horse
I started paddle boarding and horse riding again I started living my life
riding again I started living my life
riding again I started living my life again
again
again I stopped apologizing for my body I
I stopped apologizing for my body I
I stopped apologizing for my body I stopped using my illness as an excuse
stopped using my illness as an excuse
stopped using my illness as an excuse and I stopped explaining my scars to
and I stopped explaining my scars to
and I stopped explaining my scars to strangers and yes that meant I took my
strangers and yes that meant I took my
strangers and yes that meant I took my top off for the first time without a
top off for the first time without a
top off for the first time without a disclaimer but I wasn’t the only one
disclaimer but I wasn’t the only one
disclaimer but I wasn’t the only one making disclaimers I remember one
making disclaimers I remember one
making disclaimers I remember one conversation in hospital between my mom
conversation in hospital between my mom
conversation in hospital between my mom and my godmother and they were sitting
and my godmother and they were sitting
and my godmother and they were sitting off in the corner talking about their
off in the corner talking about their
off in the corner talking about their wrinkles anti-aging cream you know
wrinkles anti-aging cream you know
wrinkles anti-aging cream you know anti-aging is dying
anti-aging is dying
anti-aging is dying the alternative to aging is literally
the alternative to aging is literally
the alternative to aging is literally dying aging is a privilege I went back
dying aging is a privilege I went back
dying aging is a privilege I went back to university and one night all my
to university and one night all my
to university and one night all my friends were talking about sex a not a
friends were talking about sex a not a
friends were talking about sex a not a single person had sex with the light on
single person had sex with the light on
single person had sex with the light on one friend in particular told me about
one friend in particular told me about
one friend in particular told me about how she used to make her boyfriend wait
how she used to make her boyfriend wait
how she used to make her boyfriend wait in the bathroom she get into bed cover
in the bathroom she get into bed cover
in the bathroom she get into bed cover herself completely with the duvet turn
herself completely with the duvet turn
herself completely with the duvet turn all the lights off and then and only
all the lights off and then and only
all the lights off and then and only then was he allowed in the room in the
then was he allowed in the room in the
then was he allowed in the room in the morning she would sneak off to the
morning she would sneak off to the
morning she would sneak off to the bathroom and apply full face of makeup
bathroom and apply full face of makeup
bathroom and apply full face of makeup because she was so scared of what her
because she was so scared of what her
because she was so scared of what her boyfriend would say if he saw her makeup
boyfriend would say if he saw her makeup
boyfriend would say if he saw her makeup free I remember being in a cab home from
free I remember being in a cab home from
free I remember being in a cab home from a club and my friend had just been
a club and my friend had just been
a club and my friend had just been rejected by a boy and she was crying and
rejected by a boy and she was crying and
rejected by a boy and she was crying and she said I know I’m no cinderella but am
she said I know I’m no cinderella but am
she said I know I’m no cinderella but am I really Medusa it must be because I’m
I really Medusa it must be because I’m
I really Medusa it must be because I’m fat she was a size 12 all these
fat she was a size 12 all these
fat she was a size 12 all these conversations were heartbreaking what
conversations were heartbreaking what
conversations were heartbreaking what was worse than hating my body was in how
was worse than hating my body was in how
was worse than hating my body was in how much the people I love hate des as well
much the people I love hate des as well
much the people I love hate des as well 97% of women have a I hate my body
97% of women have a I hate my body
97% of women have a I hate my body moment every single day 10 year olds are
moment every single day 10 year olds are
moment every single day 10 year olds are more afraid of being fat than losing
more afraid of being fat than losing
more afraid of being fat than losing both their parents cancer all war we
both their parents cancer all war we
both their parents cancer all war we have normalized hating ourselves and
have normalized hating ourselves and
have normalized hating ourselves and it’s starting young I needed to do
it’s starting young I needed to do
it’s starting young I needed to do something about it
something about it
something about it so I completed my degree in psychology I
so I completed my degree in psychology I
so I completed my degree in psychology I got trained and qualified as a life
got trained and qualified as a life
got trained and qualified as a life coach but no matter how many clients I
coach but no matter how many clients I
coach but no matter how many clients I had it didn’t feel enough we keep
had it didn’t feel enough we keep
had it didn’t feel enough we keep talking about this body image crisis the
talking about this body image crisis the
talking about this body image crisis the world is going through well it didn’t
world is going through well it didn’t
world is going through well it didn’t feel like I was even making a dent so I
feel like I was even making a dent so I
feel like I was even making a dent so I launched my campaign online scarred not
launched my campaign online scarred not
launched my campaign online scarred not scared doing the last thing I was scared
scared doing the last thing I was scared
scared doing the last thing I was scared to do the first thing
to do the first thing
to do the first thing that have started my body struggles my
that have started my body struggles my
that have started my body struggles my body was to begin with there was still
body was to begin with there was still
body was to begin with there was still the looks of shock
the looks of shock
the looks of shock not so much pity but definitely horror
not so much pity but definitely horror
not so much pity but definitely horror but I didn’t care anymore because I was
but I didn’t care anymore because I was
but I didn’t care anymore because I was doing this for me I was launching this
doing this for me I was launching this
doing this for me I was launching this campaign leading from the front showing
campaign leading from the front showing
campaign leading from the front showing it’s possible to go from hating your
it’s possible to go from hating your
it’s possible to go from hating your body to being happy in your body and we
body to being happy in your body and we
body to being happy in your body and we weren’t gonna do it next year we weren’t
weren’t gonna do it next year we weren’t
weren’t gonna do it next year we weren’t gonna do it next month we weren’t gonna
gonna do it next month we weren’t gonna
gonna do it next month we weren’t gonna do it on a start on Monday
do it on a start on Monday
do it on a start on Monday we were gonna do it right now having
we were gonna do it right now having
we were gonna do it right now having worked in this industry for three years
worked in this industry for three years
worked in this industry for three years now and worked with thousands on body
now and worked with thousands on body
now and worked with thousands on body image I found two things change when you
image I found two things change when you
image I found two things change when you practiced that muscle of body confidence
practiced that muscle of body confidence
practiced that muscle of body confidence first the opportunities and events that
first the opportunities and events that
first the opportunities and events that you used to say no to because of what
you used to say no to because of what
you used to say no to because of what you fear you would look like it’s turn
you fear you would look like it’s turn
you fear you would look like it’s turn into yeses your body and your parents
into yeses your body and your parents
into yeses your body and your parents stops being a factor in your decisions
stops being a factor in your decisions
stops being a factor in your decisions at all and number two the amount of time
at all and number two the amount of time
at all and number two the amount of time and energy you spend thinking about your
and energy you spend thinking about your
and energy you spend thinking about your body dramatically reduces you stop
body dramatically reduces you stop
body dramatically reduces you stop thinking about your body and you start
thinking about your body and you start
thinking about your body and you start using it 9 in 10 women opt out of
using it 9 in 10 women opt out of
using it 9 in 10 women opt out of important life activities when they
important life activities when they
important life activities when they don’t like what they look like whilst
don’t like what they look like whilst
don’t like what they look like whilst those statistics are seriously
those statistics are seriously
those statistics are seriously depressing it does mean one good thing
depressing it does mean one good thing
depressing it does mean one good thing you aren’t alone just like with my
you aren’t alone just like with my
you aren’t alone just like with my journey it was long it was complicated
journey it was long it was complicated
journey it was long it was complicated it was messy it was a process but it
it was messy it was a process but it
it was messy it was a process but it started somewhere with a 15 year old
started somewhere with a 15 year old
started somewhere with a 15 year old girl making one small decision to stop
girl making one small decision to stop
girl making one small decision to stop bitching about her body now I know the
bitching about her body now I know the
bitching about her body now I know the impact of that decision nine years later
impact of that decision nine years later
impact of that decision nine years later but back then it was just one thought
but back then it was just one thought
but back then it was just one thought one choice one decision that happened in
one choice one decision that happened in
one choice one decision that happened in one moment so let’s just take a moment
one moment so let’s just take a moment
one moment so let’s just take a moment right now I want you to imagine a world
right now I want you to imagine a world
right now I want you to imagine a world where girls are growing up not just
where girls are growing up not just
where girls are growing up not just knowing their beauty but their worth
knowing their beauty but their worth
knowing their beauty but their worth where
where
where eating disorders are on the decline
eating disorders are on the decline
eating disorders are on the decline bloody shame doesn’t exist people aren’t
bloody shame doesn’t exist people aren’t
bloody shame doesn’t exist people aren’t afraid of going makeup free older women
afraid of going makeup free older women
afraid of going makeup free older women can age in peace and people having sex
can age in peace and people having sex
can age in peace and people having sex with the light on I want you to imagine
with the light on I want you to imagine
with the light on I want you to imagine a world where that ten-year-old girl
a world where that ten-year-old girl
a world where that ten-year-old girl with a smiley face full of scars on her
with a smiley face full of scars on her
with a smiley face full of scars on her belly can have a smile on her face as
belly can have a smile on her face as
belly can have a smile on her face as well because for that world to become a
well because for that world to become a
well because for that world to become a reality for it to be
reality for it to be
reality for it to be possible the change starts with us first
possible the change starts with us first
possible the change starts with us first so let’s do this together today let’s
so let’s do this together today let’s
so let’s do this together today let’s just make one choice choose today to
just make one choice choose today to
just make one choice choose today to reclaim our bodies thank you
”
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