I was born in South Africa in a small semi rural area called in Delaney in the
semi rural area called in Delaney in the
semi rural area called in Delaney in the Midlands of kwazulu-natal but the time I
Midlands of kwazulu-natal but the time I
Midlands of kwazulu-natal but the time I was born in 1919 in 1960 the Nationalist
was born in 1919 in 1960 the Nationalist
was born in 1919 in 1960 the Nationalist Party had been in power for 12 years
Party had been in power for 12 years
Party had been in power for 12 years when they got into power they instituted
when they got into power they instituted
when they got into power they instituted their apartheid policy which was really
their apartheid policy which was really
their apartheid policy which was really about white superiority so we’re going
about white superiority so we’re going
about white superiority so we’re going to be segregated according to races
to be segregated according to races
to be segregated according to races white people on top Indian colored like
white people on top Indian colored like
white people on top Indian colored like African at the bottom they proceeded to
African at the bottom they proceeded to
African at the bottom they proceeded to enact a litany of legislation to make
enact a litany of legislation to make
enact a litany of legislation to make sure that this happens the resources
sure that this happens the resources
sure that this happens the resources were taken from black people and given
were taken from black people and given
were taken from black people and given to white people land is an example where
to white people land is an example where
to white people land is an example where I grew up from time to time live the
I grew up from time to time live the
I grew up from time to time live the stories we’re going to be moved you’re
stories we’re going to be moved you’re
stories we’re going to be moved you’re going to be moved and then it would die
going to be moved and then it would die
going to be moved and then it would die down a few years later to come up again
down a few years later to come up again
down a few years later to come up again the upper gate government in the mid-60s
the upper gate government in the mid-60s
the upper gate government in the mid-60s were spending 600 in the mid 70s were
were spending 600 in the mid 70s were
were spending 600 in the mid 70s were spending 644 ends which is equivalent to
spending 644 ends which is equivalent to
spending 644 ends which is equivalent to forty nine dollars on educating a white
forty nine dollars on educating a white
forty nine dollars on educating a white child versus forty two Rand which is
child versus forty two Rand which is
child versus forty two Rand which is equivalent to three R and three dollars
equivalent to three R and three dollars
equivalent to three R and three dollars on educating a black child and files
on educating a black child and files
on educating a black child and files like this with signs that we saw on a
like this with signs that we saw on a
like this with signs that we saw on a daily basis growing up for exclusive use
daily basis growing up for exclusive use
daily basis growing up for exclusive use of white persons as well as the other
of white persons as well as the other
of white persons as well as the other signs the black only Indian talent so in
signs the black only Indian talent so in
signs the black only Indian talent so in the little area where I grew up in
the little area where I grew up in
the little area where I grew up in Delaney they were saying that you would
Delaney they were saying that you would
Delaney they were saying that you would hear on a regular basis and without
hear on a regular basis and without
hear on a regular basis and without anyone batting an eyelid so I’ll read
anyone batting an eyelid so I’ll read
anyone batting an eyelid so I’ll read them to you I’ll read them to you just
them to you I’ll read them to you just
them to you I’ll read them to you just now so you dial on luma the white person
now so you dial on luma the white person
now so you dial on luma the white person is wise change em Lou you’re as
is wise change em Lou you’re as
is wise change em Lou you’re as beautiful as a white person what about a
beautiful as a white person what about a
beautiful as a white person what about a general ooh you think like a white
general ooh you think like a white
general ooh you think like a white person who wouldn’t like a live white
person who wouldn’t like a live white
person who wouldn’t like a live white person is hardworking
person is hardworking
person is hardworking now as I said this was part of our
now as I said this was part of our
now as I said this was part of our language no one bats an eyelid no one
language no one bats an eyelid no one
language no one bats an eyelid no one said what are you saying it was part of
said what are you saying it was part of
said what are you saying it was part of our language and actually I’ve got to
our language and actually I’ve got to
our language and actually I’ve got to know that there are similar things in
know that there are similar things in
know that there are similar things in other languages in South Africa in
other languages in South Africa in
other languages in South Africa in different languages and then there’s one
different languages and then there’s one
different languages and then there’s one which is like a shorthand it’s hardly
which is like a shorthand it’s hardly
which is like a shorthand it’s hardly ever said in full it’s usually just said
ever said in full it’s usually just said
ever said in full it’s usually just said and it ends there which in English is
and it ends there which in English is
and it ends there which in English is the blacks but if you know the context
the blacks but if you know the context
the blacks but if you know the context it’s usually in tomiyama we have that
it’s usually in tomiyama we have that
it’s usually in tomiyama we have that black person is lazy in tomiyama and
black person is lazy in tomiyama and
black person is lazy in tomiyama and hastag until that person is not
hastag until that person is not
hastag until that person is not intelligent tomiyama govindy a black
intelligent tomiyama govindy a black
intelligent tomiyama govindy a black person is not educated tomiyama got to
person is not educated tomiyama got to
person is not educated tomiyama got to say he’s a black person is not civilized
say he’s a black person is not civilized
say he’s a black person is not civilized so all these messages were about white
so all these messages were about white
so all these messages were about white is good and superior and black is bad
is good and superior and black is bad
is good and superior and black is bad and inferior and in fact everything in
and inferior and in fact everything in
and inferior and in fact everything in our environment prove that so there was
our environment prove that so there was
our environment prove that so there was no reason to doubt those messages we
no reason to doubt those messages we
no reason to doubt those messages we live them on a daily basis so a life on
live them on a daily basis so a life on
live them on a daily basis so a life on the upper date was hard for the struggle
the upper date was hard for the struggle
the upper date was hard for the struggle struggling to kind of stare life because
struggling to kind of stare life because
struggling to kind of stare life because if you did anything that’s against the
if you did anything that’s against the
if you did anything that’s against the law
law
law your life would be in danger so we were
your life would be in danger so we were
your life would be in danger so we were told get an education an education is
told get an education an education is
told get an education an education is the key to a better life
the key to a better life
the key to a better life marginally better life because
marginally better life because
marginally better life because segregation would still be there but
segregation would still be there but
segregation would still be there but what I also realized when I was growing
what I also realized when I was growing
what I also realized when I was growing up is I’ve grown up now is that part of
up is I’ve grown up now is that part of
up is I’ve grown up now is that part of that process was assimilating us into
that process was assimilating us into
that process was assimilating us into whiteness so we didn’t see ourselves in
whiteness so we didn’t see ourselves in
whiteness so we didn’t see ourselves in the books as they were talking about
the books as they were talking about
the books as they were talking about earlier you saw whiteness everywhere and
earlier you saw whiteness everywhere and
earlier you saw whiteness everywhere and that was the standard that we were meant
that was the standard that we were meant
that was the standard that we were meant to aspire to so the high school that I
to aspire to so the high school that I
to aspire to so the high school that I went to which was an all-girls black
went to which was an all-girls black
went to which was an all-girls black boarding school we’re not allowed to
boarding school we’re not allowed to
boarding school we’re not allowed to speak indigenous languages during the
speak indigenous languages during the
speak indigenous languages during the week we could only speak those on the
week we could only speak those on the
week we could only speak those on the weekend and we had to speak English the
weekend and we had to speak English the
weekend and we had to speak English the whole during the week so of course there
whole during the week so of course there
whole during the week so of course there was pressure on the government to change
was pressure on the government to change
was pressure on the government to change its policies and then we go to a point
its policies and then we go to a point
its policies and then we go to a point where the worst transition was pressure
where the worst transition was pressure
where the worst transition was pressure inside pressure outside the
inside pressure outside the
inside pressure outside the international community everyone put
international community everyone put
international community everyone put pressure on the government so that by
pressure on the government so that by
pressure on the government so that by 1991 the apartheid
1991 the apartheid
1991 the apartheid deflation was repealed and I think the
deflation was repealed and I think the
deflation was repealed and I think the whole world watched us as we got excited
whole world watched us as we got excited
whole world watched us as we got excited and when we had our first democratic
and when we had our first democratic
and when we had our first democratic elections and Nelson Mandela was elected
elections and Nelson Mandela was elected
elections and Nelson Mandela was elected as the first president of a democratic
as the first president of a democratic
as the first president of a democratic South Africa then there was the Truth
South Africa then there was the Truth
South Africa then there was the Truth and Reconciliation Commission whose job
and Reconciliation Commission whose job
and Reconciliation Commission whose job it was really to provide a space for
it was really to provide a space for
it was really to provide a space for people who had suffered gross human
people who had suffered gross human
people who had suffered gross human rights violations to be able to tell
rights violations to be able to tell
rights violations to be able to tell their stories to be able to get to know
their stories to be able to get to know
their stories to be able to get to know about what happened to their families so
about what happened to their families so
about what happened to their families so that they could find closure and healing
that they could find closure and healing
that they could find closure and healing and hopefully that South Africa we would
and hopefully that South Africa we would
and hopefully that South Africa we would reconcile now there was an amazing
reconcile now there was an amazing
reconcile now there was an amazing process and I think people who
process and I think people who
process and I think people who participated in that to different
participated in that to different
participated in that to different degrees found that really useful and
degrees found that really useful and
degrees found that really useful and possibly healing but it wasn’t for
possibly healing but it wasn’t for
possibly healing but it wasn’t for everyone so for regular people like me
everyone so for regular people like me
everyone so for regular people like me there was nothing that was helping us to
there was nothing that was helping us to
there was nothing that was helping us to transition so those messages that we
transition so those messages that we
transition so those messages that we heard growing up
heard growing up
heard growing up nothing had changed okay so we could
nothing had changed okay so we could
nothing had changed okay so we could vote okay so maybe we could go to some
vote okay so maybe we could go to some
vote okay so maybe we could go to some institutions we couldn’t before
institutions we couldn’t before
institutions we couldn’t before but those messages were still very much
but those messages were still very much
but those messages were still very much a part of our identity but then of
a part of our identity but then of
a part of our identity but then of course we’re a rainbow nation we’re
course we’re a rainbow nation we’re
course we’re a rainbow nation we’re excited we’re looking forward to this
excited we’re looking forward to this
excited we’re looking forward to this the world was looking at as I’m thinking
the world was looking at as I’m thinking
the world was looking at as I’m thinking we a South Africa did it without
we a South Africa did it without
we a South Africa did it without violence so life went on and then in
violence so life went on and then in
violence so life went on and then in 2001 I had an opportunity to visit Ghana
2001 I had an opportunity to visit Ghana
2001 I had an opportunity to visit Ghana to be trained as a trainer so let me
to be trained as a trainer so let me
to be trained as a trainer so let me tell you a little bit about Ghana so
tell you a little bit about Ghana so
tell you a little bit about Ghana so Ghana was colonized by the British but
Ghana was colonized by the British but
Ghana was colonized by the British but it got its independence in 1957 so it
it got its independence in 1957 so it
it got its independence in 1957 so it had been independent for as for long I
had been independent for as for long I
had been independent for as for long I there I was alive so you can imagine my
there I was alive so you can imagine my
there I was alive so you can imagine my excitement to go to Ghana to be in this
excitement to go to Ghana to be in this
excitement to go to Ghana to be in this amazing African country to really just
amazing African country to really just
amazing African country to really just like breathe the air of this free
like breathe the air of this free
like breathe the air of this free country and also to mix with other
country and also to mix with other
country and also to mix with other African women an opportunity that we
African women an opportunity that we
African women an opportunity that we didn’t have before 1994 but I had an
didn’t have before 1994 but I had an
didn’t have before 1994 but I had an experience in Ghana that was to change
experience in Ghana that was to change
experience in Ghana that was to change the course of my career so I get to can
the course of my career so I get to can
the course of my career so I get to can I’m really excited meeting everyone we
I’m really excited meeting everyone we
I’m really excited meeting everyone we start the training and so on one of the
start the training and so on one of the
start the training and so on one of the days our trainer says ok you’re going to
days our trainer says ok you’re going to
days our trainer says ok you’re going to work in groups find a place to work and
work in groups find a place to work and
work in groups find a place to work and working groups so the group that I was
working groups so the group that I was
working groups so the group that I was part of they decided to leave the room
part of they decided to leave the room
part of they decided to leave the room and find a place to work outside so as
and find a place to work outside so as
and find a place to work outside so as we’re walking
we’re walking
we’re walking my could never said okay let’s sit on
my could never said okay let’s sit on
my could never said okay let’s sit on the porch there on the veranda of the
the porch there on the veranda of the
the porch there on the veranda of the hotel so let me set the scene for you so
hotel so let me set the scene for you so
hotel so let me set the scene for you so this was a beautiful beautiful huge big
this was a beautiful beautiful huge big
this was a beautiful beautiful huge big hotel had a 50 meters away was the beach
hotel had a 50 meters away was the beach
hotel had a 50 meters away was the beach so it’s picturesque it’s beautiful the
so it’s picturesque it’s beautiful the
so it’s picturesque it’s beautiful the weather is amazing so that’s why they
weather is amazing so that’s why they
weather is amazing so that’s why they proceeded to go and sit in my body it
proceeded to go and sit in my body it
proceeded to go and sit in my body it was I can’t I can’t sit over there so I
was I can’t I can’t sit over there so I
was I can’t I can’t sit over there so I did I do say to them I can’t and they
did I do say to them I can’t and they
did I do say to them I can’t and they say what do you mean so they proceeded
say what do you mean so they proceeded
say what do you mean so they proceeded to go and sit on the table so I am
to go and sit on the table so I am
to go and sit on the table so I am feeling this being torn in my body I
feeling this being torn in my body I
feeling this being torn in my body I finally see that no one is paying
finally see that no one is paying
finally see that no one is paying attention to me so I go and I join them
attention to me so I go and I join them
attention to me so I go and I join them at the table but I sit on the edge of my
at the table but I sit on the edge of my
at the table but I sit on the edge of my seat I am anxious as anything I can’t
seat I am anxious as anything I can’t
seat I am anxious as anything I can’t quite work out what’s happening to me
quite work out what’s happening to me
quite work out what’s happening to me anyway a few minutes later a waiter
anyway a few minutes later a waiter
anyway a few minutes later a waiter approaches the table in my head I was as
approaches the table in my head I was as
approaches the table in my head I was as clear as day that he had come to tell us
clear as day that he had come to tell us
clear as day that he had come to tell us that we can’t sit on the porch so I
that we can’t sit on the porch so I
that we can’t sit on the porch so I promptly stood up I walked away no one
promptly stood up I walked away no one
promptly stood up I walked away no one was going to tell me not to sit on the
was going to tell me not to sit on the
was going to tell me not to sit on the porch that had happened too many times
porch that had happened too many times
porch that had happened too many times for me so I walked away so the way that
for me so I walked away so the way that
for me so I walked away so the way that I’d come to ask what people wanted to
I’d come to ask what people wanted to
I’d come to ask what people wanted to drink right so I watched this and I
drink right so I watched this and I
drink right so I watched this and I sheepishly go back to the table and I
sheepishly go back to the table and I
sheepishly go back to the table and I sit down so of course everyone is
sit down so of course everyone is
sit down so of course everyone is working I’m thinking what is happening
working I’m thinking what is happening
working I’m thinking what is happening to me so I do I just do realize that
to me so I do I just do realize that
to me so I do I just do realize that okay there’s something really important
okay there’s something really important
okay there’s something really important happening here so as I’m thinking about
happening here so as I’m thinking about
happening here so as I’m thinking about it now actually it was a blessing that
it now actually it was a blessing that
it now actually it was a blessing that that happened and that it happened in
that happened and that it happened in
that happened and that it happened in Ghana so if that happened in South
Ghana so if that happened in South
Ghana so if that happened in South Africa or if it had happened in England
Africa or if it had happened in England
Africa or if it had happened in England that I’d visit it for a short time
that I’d visit it for a short time
that I’d visit it for a short time before or in America where I’d lived it
before or in America where I’d lived it
before or in America where I’d lived it for a few years I would have thought
for a few years I would have thought
for a few years I would have thought yeah make sense there’s racism in those
yeah make sense there’s racism in those
yeah make sense there’s racism in those places so it makes sense for you to feel
places so it makes sense for you to feel
places so it makes sense for you to feel like this but this was happening in an
like this but this was happening in an
like this but this was happening in an African country that had been free for
African country that had been free for
African country that had been free for decades there were hardly any white
decades there were hardly any white
decades there were hardly any white people around the other black people
people around the other black people
people around the other black people happily sat on the porch
happily sat on the porch
happily sat on the porch it was just me and so it was clear to me
it was just me and so it was clear to me
it was just me and so it was clear to me that I needed that message to hit home
that I needed that message to hit home
that I needed that message to hit home clearly for me to get it because if it
clearly for me to get it because if it
clearly for me to get it because if it had been anywhere else I wouldn’t have
had been anywhere else I wouldn’t have
had been anywhere else I wouldn’t have got it so I finished the train I’m
got it so I finished the train I’m
got it so I finished the train I’m thinking gosh
thinking gosh
thinking gosh but whatever it is I need to work on it
but whatever it is I need to work on it
but whatever it is I need to work on it but then because I studied psychology I
but then because I studied psychology I
but then because I studied psychology I thought okay what it is is low
thought okay what it is is low
thought okay what it is is low self-esteem you know I need to work on
self-esteem you know I need to work on
self-esteem you know I need to work on my self-esteem but I still sort of
my self-esteem but I still sort of
my self-esteem but I still sort of example it doesn’t quite click it’s it
example it doesn’t quite click it’s it
example it doesn’t quite click it’s it but it’s more than it so I decided okay
but it’s more than it so I decided okay
but it’s more than it so I decided okay so the Cheops you provided space for
so the Cheops you provided space for
so the Cheops you provided space for others I need a space I’m gonna go home
others I need a space I’m gonna go home
others I need a space I’m gonna go home and I’m gonna go start working on
and I’m gonna go start working on
and I’m gonna go start working on finding each other with white people and
finding each other with white people and
finding each other with white people and my determination why people need to
my determination why people need to
my determination why people need to understand where we’ve come from because
understand where we’ve come from because
understand where we’ve come from because I don’t think they have an understanding
I don’t think they have an understanding
I don’t think they have an understanding so I came back home and I started
so I came back home and I started
so I came back home and I started working like that so facilitating
working like that so facilitating
working like that so facilitating diversity and being in conversation and
diversity and being in conversation and
diversity and being in conversation and trying to see each other with white
trying to see each other with white
trying to see each other with white people I feeling like is this something
people I feeling like is this something
people I feeling like is this something healing what I felt but didn’t felt like
healing what I felt but didn’t felt like
healing what I felt but didn’t felt like it was okay but it wasn’t quite hitting
it was okay but it wasn’t quite hitting
it was okay but it wasn’t quite hitting home so in 2008 I was studying process
home so in 2008 I was studying process
home so in 2008 I was studying process work at psychology and for the first
work at psychology and for the first
work at psychology and for the first time I came across a term that describe
time I came across a term that describe
time I came across a term that describe my experience internalized oppression so
my experience internalized oppression so
my experience internalized oppression so that’s what’s happening but what I was
that’s what’s happening but what I was
that’s what’s happening but what I was finding is that it was described as self
finding is that it was described as self
finding is that it was described as self hate right so when you read up in
hate right so when you read up in
hate right so when you read up in tonight’s opera she talks about self
tonight’s opera she talks about self
tonight’s opera she talks about self loathing most of hateful right I don’t
loathing most of hateful right I don’t
loathing most of hateful right I don’t hate myself but maybe so I was still
hate myself but maybe so I was still
hate myself but maybe so I was still wrestling with it and as I think about
wrestling with it and as I think about
wrestling with it and as I think about it and I was thinking about this coach
it and I was thinking about this coach
it and I was thinking about this coach by Steve Biko that says the most potent
by Steve Biko that says the most potent
by Steve Biko that says the most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is
weapon in the hands of the oppressor is
weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed and I thought
the mind of the oppressed and I thought
the mind of the oppressed and I thought oh gosh that’s what’s happened to me
oh gosh that’s what’s happened to me
oh gosh that’s what’s happened to me right so if they don’t have to be anyway
right so if they don’t have to be anyway
right so if they don’t have to be anyway it nearby I’m in Ghana and I’m thinking
it nearby I’m in Ghana and I’m thinking
it nearby I’m in Ghana and I’m thinking those things about myself but as I read
those things about myself but as I read
those things about myself but as I read more and more about internalized
more and more about internalized
more and more about internalized oppression I was actually relieved to
oppression I was actually relieved to
oppression I was actually relieved to find then it’s not just something that
find then it’s not just something that
find then it’s not just something that afflicts black people right then it’s
afflicts black people right then it’s
afflicts black people right then it’s something that people who’ve been
something that people who’ve been
something that people who’ve been marginalized experienced people from
marginalized experienced people from
marginalized experienced people from marginalized groups so I learned that
marginalized groups so I learned that
marginalized groups so I learned that women some women might experience
women some women might experience
women some women might experience internalized sexism or internalized
internalized sexism or internalized
internalized sexism or internalized misogyny that some members of the
misogyny that some members of the
misogyny that some members of the lgbtqia+ flash community might
lgbtqia+ flash community might
lgbtqia+ flash community might experience in experience internalized
experience in experience internalized
experience in experience internalized heterosexism there are some Jewish
heterosexism there are some Jewish
heterosexism there are some Jewish people surprise surprise
people surprise surprise
people surprise surprise my experience internalized Anderson
my experience internalized Anderson
my experience internalized Anderson so there was something about this that
so there was something about this that
so there was something about this that really freed me in the way that just
really freed me in the way that just
really freed me in the way that just hearing the term hadn’t so it seemed to
hearing the term hadn’t so it seemed to
hearing the term hadn’t so it seemed to be a definition that that was more
be a definition that that was more
be a definition that that was more holistic that wasn’t just like I hate
holistic that wasn’t just like I hate
holistic that wasn’t just like I hate myself so there’s something wrong with
myself so there’s something wrong with
myself so there’s something wrong with my psychology but it was something about
my psychology but it was something about
my psychology but it was something about we grow up in environments that give us
we grow up in environments that give us
we grow up in environments that give us messages about ourselves we take those
messages about ourselves we take those
messages about ourselves we take those messages on we believe them and then we
messages on we believe them and then we
messages on we believe them and then we ask based upon those towards each other
ask based upon those towards each other
ask based upon those towards each other with the beliefs perform about ourselves
with the beliefs perform about ourselves
with the beliefs perform about ourselves how we relate to others and how we
how we relate to others and how we
how we relate to others and how we relate to the dominant group in it Manby
relate to the dominant group in it Manby
relate to the dominant group in it Manby it’s quite people whatever the case may
it’s quite people whatever the case may
it’s quite people whatever the case may be so there was something about it there
be so there was something about it there
be so there was something about it there was really liberating for me I felt like
was really liberating for me I felt like
was really liberating for me I felt like for the first time I could talk about
for the first time I could talk about
for the first time I could talk about this because it’s not just my fault
this because it’s not just my fault
this because it’s not just my fault it’s just not my deficiency as this
it’s just not my deficiency as this
it’s just not my deficiency as this black person in South Africa so when we
black person in South Africa so when we
black person in South Africa so when we talk think about how does it manifest
talk think about how does it manifest
talk think about how does it manifest what does it look like of course there’s
what does it look like of course there’s
what does it look like of course there’s many ways but I don’t pick on the three
many ways but I don’t pick on the three
many ways but I don’t pick on the three areas so we have negative attitudes
areas so we have negative attitudes
areas so we have negative attitudes about ourselves and then we have
about ourselves and then we have
about ourselves and then we have negative attitudes towards people who
negative attitudes towards people who
negative attitudes towards people who are in our same group people like us and
are in our same group people like us and
are in our same group people like us and then we have these positive attitudes
then we have these positive attitudes
then we have these positive attitudes and actions towards people who are from
and actions towards people who are from
and actions towards people who are from the dominant group be it men or you know
the dominant group be it men or you know
the dominant group be it men or you know white people so just a few examples
white people so just a few examples
white people so just a few examples around negative attitudes towards
around negative attitudes towards
around negative attitudes towards ourselves so one of the big things that
ourselves so one of the big things that
ourselves so one of the big things that I used to feel I still feel but not to
I used to feel I still feel but not to
I used to feel I still feel but not to the same degree is self-doubt so not
the same degree is self-doubt so not
the same degree is self-doubt so not just like low self countries but
just like low self countries but
just like low self countries but crippling crippling self-doubt so when I
crippling crippling self-doubt so when I
crippling crippling self-doubt so when I went to the investiture of Natal and
went to the investiture of Natal and
went to the investiture of Natal and that for the first time I was in a class
that for the first time I was in a class
that for the first time I was in a class with white students in a psychology
with white students in a psychology
with white students in a psychology small psychology class 12 students are
small psychology class 12 students are
small psychology class 12 students are only black student I was debilitated by
only black student I was debilitated by
only black student I was debilitated by my self doubt now of course some of it
my self doubt now of course some of it
my self doubt now of course some of it was in the environment so the
was in the environment so the
was in the environment so the institution the lecturers the students
institution the lecturers the students
institution the lecturers the students they’re all unconscious but some of
they’re all unconscious but some of
they’re all unconscious but some of their I brought coming in I really
their I brought coming in I really
their I brought coming in I really thought I’m not going to cut it I’m not
thought I’m not going to cut it I’m not
thought I’m not going to cut it I’m not intelligent enough I’m gonna fail no one
intelligent enough I’m gonna fail no one
intelligent enough I’m gonna fail no one will listen to me
will listen to me
will listen to me so I brought that in coming in and just
so I brought that in coming in and just
so I brought that in coming in and just lighting ourselves so the skin
lighting ourselves so the skin
lighting ourselves so the skin lightening creams hazing our broad noses
lightening creams hazing our broad noses
lightening creams hazing our broad noses hazing our broad our thick lips and
hazing our broad our thick lips and
hazing our broad our thick lips and constantly striving to be like the white
constantly striving to be like the white
constantly striving to be like the white people or the man and a lot of shame
people or the man and a lot of shame
people or the man and a lot of shame that then
that then
that then comes with that so if I’m not want I’m
comes with that so if I’m not want I’m
comes with that so if I’m not want I’m not accepting Who I am
not accepting Who I am
not accepting Who I am I’m wanting to the other it’s very
I’m wanting to the other it’s very
I’m wanting to the other it’s very shameful right and then in terms of how
shameful right and then in terms of how
shameful right and then in terms of how we relate with each other so people like
we relate with each other so people like
we relate with each other so people like us the negative attitudes so the strange
us the negative attitudes so the strange
us the negative attitudes so the strange thing is that there are all these
thing is that there are all these
thing is that there are all these stereotypes about black people in this
stereotypes about black people in this
stereotypes about black people in this case and I don’t believe that about me
case and I don’t believe that about me
case and I don’t believe that about me but I believe it about you
but I believe it about you
but I believe it about you so yeah black people I like it I’m just
so yeah black people I like it I’m just
so yeah black people I like it I’m just the exception but yeah let people yeah
the exception but yeah let people yeah
the exception but yeah let people yeah they are like that so unfortunately we
they are like that so unfortunately we
they are like that so unfortunately we undermine each other we compete with
undermine each other we compete with
undermine each other we compete with with each other not just in a healthy
with each other not just in a healthy
with each other not just in a healthy way but in a very unhealthy way and we
way but in a very unhealthy way and we
way but in a very unhealthy way and we also displace our anger towards people
also displace our anger towards people
also displace our anger towards people like us so we can’t just direct that to
like us so we can’t just direct that to
like us so we can’t just direct that to the people who are hurting us or
the people who are hurting us or
the people who are hurting us or pressing us because of a power dynamic
pressing us because of a power dynamic
pressing us because of a power dynamic but we do it amongst ourselves in fact I
but we do it amongst ourselves in fact I
but we do it amongst ourselves in fact I really believe that the xenophobia
really believe that the xenophobia
really believe that the xenophobia that’s plagued South Africa in the past
that’s plagued South Africa in the past
that’s plagued South Africa in the past and has held its roots in internalized
and has held its roots in internalized
and has held its roots in internalized oppression and how we relate to the
oppression and how we relate to the
oppression and how we relate to the people above us the dominant group it
people above us the dominant group it
people above us the dominant group it men or white people is that we defer to
men or white people is that we defer to
men or white people is that we defer to them we value their opinions more than
them we value their opinions more than
them we value their opinions more than we vary our own or our peers we
we vary our own or our peers we
we vary our own or our peers we prioritize their needs I don’t know who
prioritize their needs I don’t know who
prioritize their needs I don’t know who who’s had experience say of going to a
who’s had experience say of going to a
who’s had experience say of going to a supermarket being attended by someone
supermarket being attended by someone
supermarket being attended by someone like you and when a white person comes
like you and when a white person comes
like you and when a white person comes or a man comes they leave you alone in
or a man comes they leave you alone in
or a man comes they leave you alone in there attending to someone else and
there attending to someone else and
there attending to someone else and that’s someone exactly who looks like
that’s someone exactly who looks like
that’s someone exactly who looks like you that’s what happened and we’re
you that’s what happened and we’re
you that’s what happened and we’re constantly trying to get as close to
constantly trying to get as close to
constantly trying to get as close to white people as possible
white people as possible
white people as possible proximity whiteness opens doors and we
proximity whiteness opens doors and we
proximity whiteness opens doors and we do that to ourselves so for me one of
do that to ourselves so for me one of
do that to ourselves so for me one of the things I was puzzling at is why
the things I was puzzling at is why
the things I was puzzling at is why can’t we talk about it why is it a dirty
can’t we talk about it why is it a dirty
can’t we talk about it why is it a dirty little secret and if I think about
little secret and if I think about
little secret and if I think about myself for me the big thing was with
myself for me the big thing was with
myself for me the big thing was with shame I was ashamed to admit to the fact
shame I was ashamed to admit to the fact
shame I was ashamed to admit to the fact that I feel that about myself and
that I feel that about myself and
that I feel that about myself and therefore about others so I had to keep
therefore about others so I had to keep
therefore about others so I had to keep it under wraps and not talk about it but
it under wraps and not talk about it but
it under wraps and not talk about it but this was when I really thought that it’s
this was when I really thought that it’s
this was when I really thought that it’s it’s me it’s my psychology there’s
it’s me it’s my psychology there’s
it’s me it’s my psychology there’s something wrong about me so the impact
something wrong about me so the impact
something wrong about me so the impact of internalized oppression I think
of internalized oppression I think
of internalized oppression I think there’s a lot of studies that talk about
there’s a lot of studies that talk about
there’s a lot of studies that talk about the fact that in fact people from
the fact that in fact people from
the fact that in fact people from groups disproportionately have more
groups disproportionately have more
groups disproportionately have more mental health difficulties if your
mental health difficulties if your
mental health difficulties if your constant is stressing constantly
constant is stressing constantly
constant is stressing constantly competing constantly feeling self-doubt
competing constantly feeling self-doubt
competing constantly feeling self-doubt there is no way you can live to your
there is no way you can live to your
there is no way you can live to your fullest potential and the process then
fullest potential and the process then
fullest potential and the process then keeps the structures of inequalities in
keeps the structures of inequalities in
keeps the structures of inequalities in place unfortunately so if we’re thinking
place unfortunately so if we’re thinking
place unfortunately so if we’re thinking about how we can heal from it how what
about how we can heal from it how what
about how we can heal from it how what do we do to heal from it Carl Jung has
do we do to heal from it Carl Jung has
do we do to heal from it Carl Jung has this code that I really like he says
this code that I really like he says
this code that I really like he says until you make the unconscious conscious
until you make the unconscious conscious
until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will
it will direct your life and you will
it will direct your life and you will call it fate right so the first thing is
call it fate right so the first thing is
call it fate right so the first thing is name it let’s call it let’s say this is
name it let’s call it let’s say this is
name it let’s call it let’s say this is what’s happening let’s talk about it let
what’s happening let’s talk about it let
what’s happening let’s talk about it let it not be just a dirty little secret
it not be just a dirty little secret
it not be just a dirty little secret that I admit to when I’m in myself you
that I admit to when I’m in myself you
that I admit to when I’m in myself you know when I’m by myself in the bathroom
know when I’m by myself in the bathroom
know when I’m by myself in the bathroom but let’s talk about let’s build
but let’s talk about let’s build
but let’s talk about let’s build awareness about it so people know that
awareness about it so people know that
awareness about it so people know that in fact it’s not your fault it’s not
in fact it’s not your fault it’s not
in fact it’s not your fault it’s not just your problematic psychology that
just your problematic psychology that
just your problematic psychology that there is an environment that’s created
there is an environment that’s created
there is an environment that’s created this the social political economic
this the social political economic
this the social political economic environment has given you these messages
environment has given you these messages
environment has given you these messages about yourself and then I must notice
about yourself and then I must notice
about yourself and then I must notice the tightness so every beginning of this
the tightness so every beginning of this
the tightness so every beginning of this year I ran a series of focus groups with
year I ran a series of focus groups with
year I ran a series of focus groups with black women trying to wrestle with us
black women trying to wrestle with us
black women trying to wrestle with us what is this thing what does it look
what is this thing what does it look
what is this thing what does it look like how do you experience it and the
like how do you experience it and the
like how do you experience it and the first test was just to notice it so
first test was just to notice it so
first test was just to notice it so notice when it happens notice when you
notice when it happens notice when you
notice when it happens notice when you feel that about yourself notice when you
feel that about yourself notice when you
feel that about yourself notice when you feel that about someone like you notice
feel that about someone like you notice
feel that about someone like you notice how you’re feeling about the different
how you’re feeling about the different
how you’re feeling about the different there people from the dominant group
there people from the dominant group
there people from the dominant group because that’s where then you can begin
because that’s where then you can begin
because that’s where then you can begin to interrupt those patterns and give
to interrupt those patterns and give
to interrupt those patterns and give yourself different messages we need to
yourself different messages we need to
yourself different messages we need to affirm the best in ourselves I think
affirm the best in ourselves I think
affirm the best in ourselves I think that the messages that we’ve gotten
that the messages that we’ve gotten
that the messages that we’ve gotten about ourselves that were not good
about ourselves that were not good
about ourselves that were not good enough we need to communicate different
enough we need to communicate different
enough we need to communicate different messages and also just have compassion
messages and also just have compassion
messages and also just have compassion right so compassion for ourselves and
right so compassion for ourselves and
right so compassion for ourselves and compassion for each other so as we
compassion for each other so as we
compassion for each other so as we striving towards equality social justice
striving towards equality social justice
striving towards equality social justice activism is really really important we
activism is really really important we
activism is really really important we need to focus on the structures and try
need to focus on the structures and try
need to focus on the structures and try and break them down but we also have to
and break them down but we also have to
and break them down but we also have to do inner work because if we don’t do
do inner work because if we don’t do
do inner work because if we don’t do that
that
that should we get to acquire where we get
should we get to acquire where we get
should we get to acquire where we get equality you will find that we’re still
equality you will find that we’re still
equality you will find that we’re still unequal because of the messages that
unequal because of the messages that
unequal because of the messages that we’ve ingested so I’ll leave you with a
we’ve ingested so I’ll leave you with a
we’ve ingested so I’ll leave you with a question in what ways are you
question in what ways are you
question in what ways are you contributing to inequality by not by
contributing to inequality by not by
contributing to inequality by not by turning a blind eye to internalized
turning a blind eye to internalized
turning a blind eye to internalized oppression thank you
oppression thank you
oppression thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
Be First to Comment