oh I wasn’t expecting that to start off my first TED talk but here we are that
my first TED talk but here we are that
my first TED talk but here we are that didn’t come out in my time right I’m
didn’t come out in my time right I’m
didn’t come out in my time right I’m just joking I’m just doing my job as a
just joking I’m just doing my job as a
just joking I’m just doing my job as a poet is to tell stories I tell my own
poet is to tell stories I tell my own
poet is to tell stories I tell my own personal stories and when working with
personal stories and when working with
personal stories and when working with others I encourage them and facilitate
others I encourage them and facilitate
others I encourage them and facilitate them to tell their own I do this because
them to tell their own I do this because
them to tell their own I do this because I believe that stories are magic they
I believe that stories are magic they
I believe that stories are magic they bridge us together they point out our
bridge us together they point out our
bridge us together they point out our similarities and make us feel less alone
similarities and make us feel less alone
similarities and make us feel less alone they help us understand this crazy Begg
they help us understand this crazy Begg
they help us understand this crazy Begg madness that we call life I tell my own
madness that we call life I tell my own
madness that we call life I tell my own personal stories and I usually talk
personal stories and I usually talk
personal stories and I usually talk about taboo subjects subjects that
about taboo subjects subjects that
about taboo subjects subjects that nobody else wants to touch subjects that
nobody else wants to touch subjects that
nobody else wants to touch subjects that make us feel uncomfortable or awkward
make us feel uncomfortable or awkward
make us feel uncomfortable or awkward subjects that we keep under our beds or
subjects that we keep under our beds or
subjects that we keep under our beds or enter closets just out of sight I do
enter closets just out of sight I do
enter closets just out of sight I do this because I believe that by sharing
this because I believe that by sharing
this because I believe that by sharing my own personal stories about those
my own personal stories about those
my own personal stories about those horrible uncomfortable things helps
horrible uncomfortable things helps
horrible uncomfortable things helps dilute the shame surrounding them and I
dilute the shame surrounding them and I
dilute the shame surrounding them and I believe shame is one of the most
believe shame is one of the most
believe shame is one of the most dangerous emotions that anyone can feel
dangerous emotions that anyone can feel
dangerous emotions that anyone can feel I wrote a poem in 2014 when I was age 21
I wrote a poem in 2014 when I was age 21
I wrote a poem in 2014 when I was age 21 about an abortion I had had I was trying
about an abortion I had had I was trying
about an abortion I had had I was trying to make sense of this experience I’d had
to make sense of this experience I’d had
to make sense of this experience I’d had even years later I released it on the
even years later I released it on the
even years later I released it on the internet what maybe on reflection wasn’t
internet what maybe on reflection wasn’t
internet what maybe on reflection wasn’t the cleverest ideas but I did it anyway
the cleverest ideas but I did it anyway
the cleverest ideas but I did it anyway because I wanted to make sense of this
because I wanted to make sense of this
because I wanted to make sense of this thing that nobody was talking about that
thing that nobody was talking about that
thing that nobody was talking about that had so much shame wrapped against it
had so much shame wrapped against it
had so much shame wrapped against it a lot of women have abortions and it’s
a lot of women have abortions and it’s
a lot of women have abortions and it’s medical and it’s a procedure and it’s
medical and it’s a procedure and it’s
medical and it’s a procedure and it’s easy and I love that I think that’s
easy and I love that I think that’s
easy and I love that I think that’s amazing
amazing
amazing but for me it wasn’t like that it felt
but for me it wasn’t like that it felt
but for me it wasn’t like that it felt very difficult and very complex it was a
very difficult and very complex it was a
very difficult and very complex it was a hard decision and it was a shameful
hard decision and it was a shameful
hard decision and it was a shameful decision for myself and I don’t really
decision for myself and I don’t really
decision for myself and I don’t really know why because at the same time of
know why because at the same time of
know why because at the same time of having all these feelings I also felt so
having all these feelings I also felt so
having all these feelings I also felt so much gratitude that I lived in a country
much gratitude that I lived in a country
much gratitude that I lived in a country where I was able to choose I was able to
where I was able to choose I was able to
where I was able to choose I was able to choose with my own body so I had all of
choose with my own body so I had all of
choose with my own body so I had all of this stuff going on even years later so
this stuff going on even years later so
this stuff going on even years later so I decided to put it on the page and then
I decided to put it on the page and then
I decided to put it on the page and then in a way I kind of could look at it and
in a way I kind of could look at it and
in a way I kind of could look at it and look at all its complexities and try and
look at all its complexities and try and
look at all its complexities and try and make sense of it now some people ask me
make sense of it now some people ask me
make sense of it now some people ask me know if it was the rape or a wrong
know if it was the rape or a wrong
know if it was the rape or a wrong decision and I don’t think life can be
decision and I don’t think life can be
decision and I don’t think life can be categorized into rates or wrongs things
categorized into rates or wrongs things
categorized into rates or wrongs things are not that simple different paths are
are not that simple different paths are
are not that simple different paths are leads out for us at different times and
leads out for us at different times and
leads out for us at different times and we must blindly choose and hope for the
we must blindly choose and hope for the
we must blindly choose and hope for the best and I think for me it was the best
best and I think for me it was the best
best and I think for me it was the best so the video was shared on Huffington
so the video was shared on Huffington
so the video was shared on Huffington Post upworthy and the Guardian and it
Post upworthy and the Guardian and it
Post upworthy and the Guardian and it became viral and I instantly got
became viral and I instantly got
became viral and I instantly got messages from women all over the world
messages from women all over the world
messages from women all over the world coming forward and seeing that they had
coming forward and seeing that they had
coming forward and seeing that they had the same experience and for a minute we
the same experience and for a minute we
the same experience and for a minute we all feel a little less alone and that to
all feel a little less alone and that to
all feel a little less alone and that to me was magic but then I went to sleep
me was magic but then I went to sleep
me was magic but then I went to sleep naively and thought that that was my job
naively and thought that that was my job
naively and thought that that was my job done like pat on the back done
done like pat on the back done
done like pat on the back done unfortunately that was not the case
unfortunately that was not the case
unfortunately that was not the case abortion as we all know is a very hot
abortion as we all know is a very hot
abortion as we all know is a very hot topic in every single country of the
topic in every single country of the
topic in every single country of the world and overnight my mbox which was
world and overnight my mbox which was
world and overnight my mbox which was once a place of love and support and a
once a place of love and support and a
once a place of love and support and a newfound community became a police that
newfound community became a police that
newfound community became a police that was much more sinister it had a lot of
was much more sinister it had a lot of
was much more sinister it had a lot of messages that were mean threatening
messages that were mean threatening
messages that were mean threatening scary and very unsettling there was a
scary and very unsettling there was a
scary and very unsettling there was a couple of comments that were quite funny
couple of comments that were quite funny
couple of comments that were quite funny my favorite being I can’t tell with her
my favorite being I can’t tell with her
my favorite being I can’t tell with her strong Scottish accent if she’s a
strong Scottish accent if she’s a
strong Scottish accent if she’s a brilliant poet or as dumb as a teapot I
brilliant poet or as dumb as a teapot I
brilliant poet or as dumb as a teapot I really like that one and there’s other
really like that one and there’s other
really like that one and there’s other ones that I’m not going to repeat today
ones that I’m not going to repeat today
ones that I’m not going to repeat today because I don’t think that they’re
because I don’t think that they’re
because I don’t think that they’re useful but I bet a lot of women in the
useful but I bet a lot of women in the
useful but I bet a lot of women in the room have been called them as well but
room have been called them as well but
room have been called them as well but yeah it’s funny when somebody was
yeah it’s funny when somebody was
yeah it’s funny when somebody was talking earlier about trolls under the
talking earlier about trolls under the
talking earlier about trolls under the bridge
bridge
bridge he was like yes trolls under the bridge
he was like yes trolls under the bridge
he was like yes trolls under the bridge that’s what happened to me as well but
that’s what happened to me as well but
that’s what happened to me as well but time moves on and news changes and I
time moves on and news changes and I
time moves on and news changes and I kept performing the poem I think she was
kept performing the poem I think she was
kept performing the poem I think she was a she because I believed that hopefully
a she because I believed that hopefully
a she because I believed that hopefully it was diluting the shame about the
it was diluting the shame about the
it was diluting the shame about the subject that no one was talking about
subject that no one was talking about
subject that no one was talking about and I also was kind of doing it as a bit
and I also was kind of doing it as a bit
and I also was kind of doing it as a bit of a resistance but I don’t do the poem
of a resistance but I don’t do the poem
of a resistance but I don’t do the poem as much anymore I’m older now I have
as much anymore I’m older now I have
as much anymore I’m older now I have other stories to tell
other stories to tell
other stories to tell I have other shame to dilute and I see
I have other shame to dilute and I see
I have other shame to dilute and I see this happen every day and my work when
this happen every day and my work when
this happen every day and my work when I’m working with young people with
I’m working with young people with
I’m working with young people with adults with additional needs and
adults with additional needs and
adults with additional needs and presents I see shame being diluted by
presents I see shame being diluted by
presents I see shame being diluted by talking just talking and I don’t expect
talking just talking and I don’t expect
talking just talking and I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on abortion
everyone to agree with me on abortion
everyone to agree with me on abortion but I think that we’re now at the point
but I think that we’re now at the point
but I think that we’re now at the point where we should be able to disagree
where we should be able to disagree
where we should be able to disagree without silencing each other and without
without silencing each other and without
without silencing each other and without shaming each other and I’m going to do
shaming each other and I’m going to do
shaming each other and I’m going to do the poem again for you today and I’m
the poem again for you today and I’m
the poem again for you today and I’m going to do it as a dedication it’s a
going to do it as a dedication it’s a
going to do it as a dedication it’s a dedication to the one and three women in
dedication to the one and three women in
dedication to the one and three women in the UK that have abortions it’s for the
the UK that have abortions it’s for the
the UK that have abortions it’s for the 70,000 women worldwide per year that die
70,000 women worldwide per year that die
70,000 women worldwide per year that die from backstreet abortions it’s for our
from backstreet abortions it’s for our
from backstreet abortions it’s for our sisters in Ireland who are just about to
sisters in Ireland who are just about to
sisters in Ireland who are just about to go for the first time and vote to
go for the first time and vote to
go for the first time and vote to legalize abortion it’s for the women and
legalize abortion it’s for the women and
legalize abortion it’s for the women and present in El Salvador for having
present in El Salvador for having
present in El Salvador for having abortions it’s for the Dominican
abortions it’s for the Dominican
abortions it’s for the Dominican Republic and all other countries
Republic and all other countries
Republic and all other countries throughout the world they only have
throughout the world they only have
throughout the world they only have abortion if it threatens the women’s
abortion if it threatens the women’s
abortion if it threatens the women’s life and finally it’s for all those
life and finally it’s for all those
life and finally it’s for all those women that were faced with the same
women that were faced with the same
women that were faced with the same choice but decided to become mothers I
choice but decided to become mothers I
choice but decided to become mothers I salute you I see you I am one of you and
salute you I see you I am one of you and
salute you I see you I am one of you and we will stay on the breach and we will
we will stay on the breach and we will
we will stay on the breach and we will cry and we will grieve and we will laugh
cry and we will grieve and we will laugh
cry and we will grieve and we will laugh and maybe we’ll disagree but we will not
and maybe we’ll disagree but we will not
and maybe we’ll disagree but we will not shy away from this subject because
shy away from this subject because
shy away from this subject because that’s the thing about shame it tends to
that’s the thing about shame it tends to
that’s the thing about shame it tends to scuttle under the beds when you look
scuttle under the beds when you look
scuttle under the beds when you look directly at it when you shine light upon
directly at it when you shine light upon
directly at it when you shine light upon it
it
it I think she was a she I think she was as
I think she was a she I think she was as
I think she was a she I think she was as she and I think she might have looked
she and I think she might have looked
she and I think she might have looked exactly like me
exactly like me
exactly like me filled cheeks hazel eyes and thick brown
filled cheeks hazel eyes and thick brown
filled cheeks hazel eyes and thick brown hair that I could have plaited into
hair that I could have plaited into
hair that I could have plaited into dreams at night I would have stuck up
dreams at night I would have stuck up
dreams at night I would have stuck up blue stars on her ceiling and told her
blue stars on her ceiling and told her
blue stars on her ceiling and told her they were fireflies to protect her from
they were fireflies to protect her from
they were fireflies to protect her from the dark I would have told her stories
the dark I would have told her stories
the dark I would have told her stories about her grandfather we could have fed
about her grandfather we could have fed
about her grandfather we could have fed the Swans at Victoria Park she would
the Swans at Victoria Park she would
the Swans at Victoria Park she would have been like you two with long limbs
have been like you two with long limbs
have been like you two with long limbs and her sarcastic smile and the newest
and her sarcastic smile and the newest
and her sarcastic smile and the newest pair of catch she would have been tough
pair of catch she would have been tough
pair of catch she would have been tough tougher than I ever was and I would have
tougher than I ever was and I would have
tougher than I ever was and I would have taught her all that my mother taught me
taught her all that my mother taught me
taught her all that my mother taught me and I would have taken her to the
and I would have taken her to the
and I would have taken her to the museums and there we could see the bone
museums and there we could see the bone
museums and there we could see the bone dinosaurs and look to them and wonder
dinosaurs and look to them and wonder
dinosaurs and look to them and wonder about all the things that came before
about all the things that came before
about all the things that came before she was born she could have been born
she was born she could have been born
she was born she could have been born and I would have made sure there was
and I would have made sure there was
and I would have made sure there was space on the wall to measure her height
space on the wall to measure her height
space on the wall to measure her height is she grew I would have made sure I was
is she grew I would have made sure I was
is she grew I would have made sure I was a good mother to look up to but I would
a good mother to look up to but I would
a good mother to look up to but I would have supported her right to choose to
have supported her right to choose to
have supported her right to choose to choose a life for herself a path for
choose a life for herself a path for
choose a life for herself a path for herself I am sorry but it came at the
herself I am sorry but it came at the
herself I am sorry but it came at the wrong time I am not ashamed I am not
wrong time I am not ashamed I am not
wrong time I am not ashamed I am not ashamed I’m so sick of keeping these
ashamed I’m so sick of keeping these
ashamed I’m so sick of keeping these words contained I am not ashamed I was a
words contained I am not ashamed I was a
words contained I am not ashamed I was a teenage girl with a boy she left between
teenage girl with a boy she left between
teenage girl with a boy she left between her thighs that felt very far away Derby
her thighs that felt very far away Derby
her thighs that felt very far away Derby days and Dole don’t do family planning
days and Dole don’t do family planning
days and Dole don’t do family planning well I am one and three I am one and
well I am one and three I am one and
well I am one and three I am one and three I had to carve down that cherry
three I had to carve down that cherry
three I had to carve down that cherry tree that had Richard itself in my blood
tree that had Richard itself in my blood
tree that had Richard itself in my blood and blossoms and my brain of
and blossoms and my brain of
and blossoms and my brain of responsibility I didn’t have the age or
responsibility I didn’t have the age or
responsibility I didn’t have the age or energy to maintain the branches casting
energy to maintain the branches casting
energy to maintain the branches casting shadows over the rest of my garden the
shadows over the rest of my garden the
shadows over the rest of my garden the bark causing my thoughts my heart to
bark causing my thoughts my heart to
bark causing my thoughts my heart to harden I am not ashamed
harden I am not ashamed
harden I am not ashamed it’s a hollowness that feels fill a
it’s a hollowness that feels fill a
it’s a hollowness that feels fill a numbness that feels heavy stop trying to
numbness that feels heavy stop trying to
numbness that feels heavy stop trying to fit how this feels on an NHS bereavement
fit how this feels on an NHS bereavement
fit how this feels on an NHS bereavement brochure already I am allowed to feel it
brochure already I am allowed to feel it
brochure already I am allowed to feel it oh I am allowed to feel I am women now I
oh I am allowed to feel I am women now I
oh I am allowed to feel I am women now I am made of steel and she wasn’t a girl
am made of steel and she wasn’t a girl
am made of steel and she wasn’t a girl and she wasn’t a boy that’s just the
and she wasn’t a boy that’s just the
and she wasn’t a boy that’s just the you received to keep you out of
you received to keep you out of
you received to keep you out of Parliament and stuck on maternity leave
Parliament and stuck on maternity leave
Parliament and stuck on maternity leave don’t you mutter murder on me seventy
don’t you mutter murder on me seventy
don’t you mutter murder on me seventy thousand pair
thousand pair
thousand pair year 70,000 per year that’s 192 per day
year 70,000 per year that’s 192 per day
year 70,000 per year that’s 192 per day from coat hangers painkillers the back
from coat hangers painkillers the back
from coat hangers painkillers the back alleyway we don’t you mutter murder on
alleyway we don’t you mutter murder on
alleyway we don’t you mutter murder on me
me
me worldwide performing abortion like
worldwide performing abortion like
worldwide performing abortion like homework looking for the answers in the
homework looking for the answers in the
homework looking for the answers in the grooves of our palms the bulges and her
grooves of our palms the bulges and her
grooves of our palms the bulges and her belly’s the west burrs and her ears only
belly’s the west burrs and her ears only
belly’s the west burrs and her ears only to be confronted with question marks
to be confronted with question marks
to be confronted with question marks women have been hidden away in the
women have been hidden away in the
women have been hidden away in the history books after all its history has
history books after all its history has
history books after all its history has story well this is her story our story
story well this is her story our story
story well this is her story our story goddamnit this is my story and it will
goddamnit this is my story and it will
goddamnit this is my story and it will not be written in pencil and erase with
not be written in pencil and erase with
not be written in pencil and erase with guilt it will be written and pen and
guilt it will be written and pen and
guilt it will be written and pen and spoken with courage you will hear it on
spoken with courage you will hear it on
spoken with courage you will hear it on the radio on your way to work you will
the radio on your way to work you will
the radio on your way to work you will study it in English you will read the
study it in English you will read the
study it in English you will read the biter on the bulletin boards next to the
biter on the bulletin boards next to the
biter on the bulletin boards next to the flyer about yoga for babies because I am
flyer about yoga for babies because I am
flyer about yoga for babies because I am not ashamed I am a woman now I will not
not ashamed I am a woman now I will not
not ashamed I am a woman now I will not be tamed and I have a determination that
be tamed and I have a determination that
be tamed and I have a determination that this termination will still have a form
this termination will still have a form
this termination will still have a form of creation it will not be wasted
of creation it will not be wasted
of creation it will not be wasted because this is my body this is my body
because this is my body this is my body
because this is my body this is my body and I’m sorry but I can’t care about
and I’m sorry but I can’t care about
and I’m sorry but I can’t care about your ignorant views when I become a
your ignorant views when I become a
your ignorant views when I become a mother it will be when I choose thank
mother it will be when I choose thank
mother it will be when I choose thank you so much for having
you so much for having
you so much for having [Applause]
”
Be First to Comment