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Does growing hurt? | Janneke Stegeman | TEDxApeldoorn


[Applause]

[Applause] so I have always been a shy person it’s

so I have always been a shy person it’s

so I have always been a shy person it’s not so visible anymore but it’s still

not so visible anymore but it’s still

not so visible anymore but it’s still there inside I’m shy I was also a shy

there inside I’m shy I was also a shy

there inside I’m shy I was also a shy child but I was a shy child so eager to

child but I was a shy child so eager to

child but I was a shy child so eager to discover life I was in such a hurry to

discover life I was in such a hurry to

discover life I was in such a hurry to learn to learn how to read and write to

learn to learn how to read and write to

learn to learn how to read and write to learn how to write to ride a bicycle I

learn how to write to ride a bicycle I

learn how to write to ride a bicycle I wanted everything now so for me growth

wanted everything now so for me growth

wanted everything now so for me growth has always been both a very appealing

has always been both a very appealing

has always been both a very appealing thing and a very scary thing and I

thing and a very scary thing and I

thing and a very scary thing and I actually think that that is what growth

actually think that that is what growth

actually think that that is what growth is because growth always means you enter

is because growth always means you enter

is because growth always means you enter a territory where you have never been

a territory where you have never been

a territory where you have never been before you enter a part of yourself that

before you enter a part of yourself that

before you enter a part of yourself that is unknown and that is scary because you

is unknown and that is scary because you

is unknown and that is scary because you may even lose yourself now when I was

may even lose yourself now when I was

may even lose yourself now when I was three years old

three years old

three years old a toddler very playful toddler and my

a toddler very playful toddler and my

a toddler very playful toddler and my hobby was getting lost so me and my best

hobby was getting lost so me and my best

hobby was getting lost so me and my best friend you know would go out into our

friend you know would go out into our

friend you know would go out into our little neighborhood and we would reach

little neighborhood and we would reach

little neighborhood and we would reach the furthest street we would still known

the furthest street we would still known

the furthest street we would still known and we still knew and then we would go

and we still knew and then we would go

and we still knew and then we would go beyond that and we were lost and that

beyond that and we were lost and that

beyond that and we were lost and that was both you know thrilling exciting and

was both you know thrilling exciting and

was both you know thrilling exciting and also scary and it sometimes ended in

also scary and it sometimes ended in

also scary and it sometimes ended in tears of course another story when I was

tears of course another story when I was

tears of course another story when I was a child I often had a strange pain in my

a child I often had a strange pain in my

a child I often had a strange pain in my left leg and sometimes I would wake up

left leg and sometimes I would wake up

left leg and sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and the pain

in the middle of the night and the pain

in the middle of the night and the pain would be so bad that I would call for my

would be so bad that I would call for my

would be so bad that I would call for my mother or father and they would come and

mother or father and they would come and

mother or father and they would come and rub this lotion you know sit next to my

rub this lotion you know sit next to my

rub this lotion you know sit next to my bed rub this lotion on the leg until the

bed rub this lotion on the leg until the

bed rub this lotion on the leg until the plane went away it always took a long

plane went away it always took a long

plane went away it always took a long time and according to my parents

time and according to my parents

time and according to my parents these were growing pains which makes

these were growing pains which makes

these were growing pains which makes sense you know I was a child and I was

sense you know I was a child and I was

sense you know I was a child and I was growing

growing

growing now the strange thing is that sometimes

now the strange thing is that sometimes

now the strange thing is that sometimes I’m now 36 and sometimes when I’m very

I’m now 36 and sometimes when I’m very

I’m now 36 and sometimes when I’m very busy and I’m overwhelmed I still wake up

busy and I’m overwhelmed I still wake up

busy and I’m overwhelmed I still wake up with this strange pain in my left leg

with this strange pain in my left leg

with this strange pain in my left leg but maybe it’s not so strange

but maybe it’s not so strange

but maybe it’s not so strange maybe growth still is a painful process

maybe growth still is a painful process

maybe growth still is a painful process maybe growing

maybe growing

maybe growing hurts this still surprises me

hurts this still surprises me

hurts this still surprises me and I still feel as if I shouldn’t feel

and I still feel as if I shouldn’t feel

and I still feel as if I shouldn’t feel this way as if growing shouldn’t hurt as

this way as if growing shouldn’t hurt as

this way as if growing shouldn’t hurt as if maybe I’m doing something wrong

if maybe I’m doing something wrong

if maybe I’m doing something wrong because I open facebook I look at it and

because I open facebook I look at it and

because I open facebook I look at it and all my friends seems to be having a good

all my friends seems to be having a good

all my friends seems to be having a good time so maybe I’m doing something wrong

time so maybe I’m doing something wrong

time so maybe I’m doing something wrong but then I do the same thing so I just

but then I do the same thing so I just

but then I do the same thing so I just put a message on Facebook I’m here at

put a message on Facebook I’m here at

put a message on Facebook I’m here at TEDx Apeldoorn first there’s a horse

TEDx Apeldoorn first there’s a horse

TEDx Apeldoorn first there’s a horse then there’s me so you know I’m also

then there’s me so you know I’m also

then there’s me so you know I’m also creating this rosy image of myself and

creating this rosy image of myself and

creating this rosy image of myself and and it doesn’t feel so good because I

and it doesn’t feel so good because I

and it doesn’t feel so good because I think we have so many more interesting

think we have so many more interesting

think we have so many more interesting things you know to talk about so many

things you know to talk about so many

things you know to talk about so many more interesting stories to share about

more interesting stories to share about

more interesting stories to share about ourselves stories about how we deal with

ourselves stories about how we deal with

ourselves stories about how we deal with pain how do we deal with hardship how do

pain how do we deal with hardship how do

pain how do we deal with hardship how do we share these things where do we find

we share these things where do we find

we share these things where do we find beauty when life becomes hard those are

beauty when life becomes hard those are

beauty when life becomes hard those are very real things and there’s another

very real things and there’s another

very real things and there’s another thing that bothers me and that is how

thing that bothers me and that is how

thing that bothers me and that is how these days politicians also paint this

these days politicians also paint this

these days politicians also paint this very rosy image of our national identity

very rosy image of our national identity

very rosy image of our national identity it’s all you know they’ll helmets and

it’s all you know they’ll helmets and

it’s all you know they’ll helmets and all beautiful history and all beautiful

all beautiful history and all beautiful

all beautiful history and all beautiful values and everything like that and they

values and everything like that and they

values and everything like that and they even use Christianity to say we have all

even use Christianity to say we have all

even use Christianity to say we have all the good norms we take care of the right

the good norms we take care of the right

the good norms we take care of the right people we love everyone and as a

people we love everyone and as a

people we love everyone and as a theologian I think that’s wrong in fact

theologian I think that’s wrong in fact

theologian I think that’s wrong in fact I think to hell with all of these rosy

I think to hell with all of these rosy

I think to hell with all of these rosy pictures because that’s not who we are

pictures because that’s not who we are

pictures because that’s not who we are and as a few Lodging I also know that

and as a few Lodging I also know that

and as a few Lodging I also know that Christianity in our area doesn’t have

Christianity in our area doesn’t have

Christianity in our area doesn’t have this beautiful history Christianity was

this beautiful history Christianity was

this beautiful history Christianity was very very

very very

very very limiting for a lot of people it didn’t

limiting for a lot of people it didn’t

limiting for a lot of people it didn’t enable growth in many cases now a friend

enable growth in many cases now a friend

enable growth in many cases now a friend told me last only last week it seems

told me last only last week it seems

told me last only last week it seems strange that you are a theologian

strange that you are a theologian

strange that you are a theologian because few lodgings aren’t really known

because few lodgings aren’t really known

because few lodgings aren’t really known for being very innovative so I said yeah

for being very innovative so I said yeah

for being very innovative so I said yeah I know that’s you know that’s the image

I know that’s you know that’s the image

I know that’s you know that’s the image we have to deal with and I also know

we have to deal with and I also know

we have to deal with and I also know that sometimes it’s true theology can be

that sometimes it’s true theology can be

that sometimes it’s true theology can be very limiting actually sometimes it

very limiting actually sometimes it

very limiting actually sometimes it seems that it’s more about limiting

seems that it’s more about limiting

seems that it’s more about limiting people than about enabling people to

people than about enabling people to

people than about enabling people to grow but I also have a different story

grow but I also have a different story

grow but I also have a different story to tell I am a theologian because I love

to tell I am a theologian because I love

to tell I am a theologian because I love growth and I love challenge and I love

growth and I love challenge and I love

growth and I love challenge and I love doing that and I also love theology and

doing that and I also love theology and

doing that and I also love theology and I don’t think that’s a coincidence I

I don’t think that’s a coincidence I

I don’t think that’s a coincidence I think actually these two work very well

think actually these two work very well

think actually these two work very well together so for me religion is an

together so for me religion is an

together so for me religion is an invitation to transform for me religion

invitation to transform for me religion

invitation to transform for me religion is about telling honest stories about

is about telling honest stories about

is about telling honest stories about yourself telling the whole story and

yourself telling the whole story and

yourself telling the whole story and being able to go to the places where you

being able to go to the places where you

being able to go to the places where you are hurt where you are afraid and also

are hurt where you are afraid and also

are hurt where you are afraid and also to be able to share those stories with a

to be able to share those stories with a

to be able to share those stories with a group of people can we listen to some

group of people can we listen to some

group of people can we listen to some music maybe

what did you feel

what did you feel listening to this music it’s on what bra

listening to this music it’s on what bra

listening to this music it’s on what bra hem it’s a lute player and I used to

hem it’s a lute player and I used to

hem it’s a lute player and I used to listen to this music a few years ago

listen to this music a few years ago

listen to this music a few years ago while I was finishing my dissertation

while I was finishing my dissertation

while I was finishing my dissertation now writing a dissertation is a hell of

now writing a dissertation is a hell of

now writing a dissertation is a hell of a job you know you have done this I see

a job you know you have done this I see

a job you know you have done this I see some nodding there any organs thank you

some nodding there any organs thank you

some nodding there any organs thank you for recognizing you know the the painful

for recognizing you know the the painful

for recognizing you know the the painful press process of Labor that a

press process of Labor that a

press process of Labor that a dissertation is you’ve done all these

dissertation is you’ve done all these

dissertation is you’ve done all these research and then you have to write a

research and then you have to write a

research and then you have to write a book and all the knowledge and

book and all the knowledge and

book and all the knowledge and everything has to be in the book in the

everything has to be in the book in the

everything has to be in the book in the right place using the right words so I

right place using the right words so I

right place using the right words so I was listening to this music and at the

was listening to this music and at the

was listening to this music and at the time I felt you know close to a nervous

time I felt you know close to a nervous

time I felt you know close to a nervous breakdown I was doubting whether I would

breakdown I was doubting whether I would

breakdown I was doubting whether I would ever succeed whether it would ever be a

ever succeed whether it would ever be a

ever succeed whether it would ever be a work that was worthwhile and I was very

work that was worthwhile and I was very

work that was worthwhile and I was very very stressed now when I listen to this

very stressed now when I listen to this

very stressed now when I listen to this music just now I realized that my

music just now I realized that my

music just now I realized that my response is so different so I be

response is so different so I be

response is so different so I be faithful and emotional so apparently

faithful and emotional so apparently

faithful and emotional so apparently something has transformed in the way I

something has transformed in the way I

something has transformed in the way I now look back on this period and I

now look back on this period and I

now look back on this period and I realize that actually what seemed to be

realize that actually what seemed to be

realize that actually what seemed to be such a horrible period of nervous

such a horrible period of nervous

such a horrible period of nervous breakdown

breakdown

breakdown in fact was a process of growth and I’m

in fact was a process of growth and I’m

in fact was a process of growth and I’m you know and I kind of think who was the

you know and I kind of think who was the

you know and I kind of think who was the woman you know writing this dissertation

woman you know writing this dissertation

woman you know writing this dissertation how did she manage to do all these

how did she manage to do all these

how did she manage to do all these things but she did and apparently it’s

things but she did and apparently it’s

things but she did and apparently it’s me so it’s you know and I learned so

me so it’s you know and I learned so

me so it’s you know and I learned so many things from that and and that’s a

many things from that and and that’s a

many things from that and and that’s a beautiful thing but it also makes clear

beautiful thing but it also makes clear

beautiful thing but it also makes clear to me that growth you know it involves

to me that growth you know it involves

to me that growth you know it involves pain it involves a lot of patience a lot

pain it involves a lot of patience a lot

pain it involves a lot of patience a lot of endurance and it also takes courage

of endurance and it also takes courage

of endurance and it also takes courage you know to endure not to step back not

you know to endure not to step back not

you know to endure not to step back not to give up but just to continue every

to give up but just to continue every

to give up but just to continue every single day in that process so I want to

single day in that process so I want to

single day in that process so I want to close with a story from the Bible

close with a story from the Bible

close with a story from the Bible because

because

because I’m a biblical scholar the dissertation

I’m a biblical scholar the dissertation

I’m a biblical scholar the dissertation was also was on the Old Testament

was also was on the Old Testament

was also was on the Old Testament actually religion and conflict if you’re

actually religion and conflict if you’re

actually religion and conflict if you’re interested and the story is from the

interested and the story is from the

interested and the story is from the book of Genesis Adam and Eve they are

book of Genesis Adam and Eve they are

book of Genesis Adam and Eve they are familiar right so so often the story is

familiar right so so often the story is

familiar right so so often the story is told kind of as a negative story

told kind of as a negative story

told kind of as a negative story so there’s paradise there’s you know the

so there’s paradise there’s you know the

so there’s paradise there’s you know the first set of humans Adam and Eve there’s

first set of humans Adam and Eve there’s

first set of humans Adam and Eve there’s the tree of knowledge of good and wrong

the tree of knowledge of good and wrong

the tree of knowledge of good and wrong and Eve stupidly you know plucks fruit

and Eve stupidly you know plucks fruit

and Eve stupidly you know plucks fruit from the tree and gives it to Adam I

from the tree and gives it to Adam I

from the tree and gives it to Adam I think she first takes a bite and then

think she first takes a bite and then

think she first takes a bite and then gives it to Adam and then everything

gives it to Adam and then everything

gives it to Adam and then everything goes wrong wrong wrong now I think

goes wrong wrong wrong now I think

goes wrong wrong wrong now I think there’s a different way of reading this

there’s a different way of reading this

there’s a different way of reading this narrative and that is a narrative of

narrative and that is a narrative of

narrative and that is a narrative of growth because when you think of it

growth because when you think of it

growth because when you think of it paradise is horrible

paradise is horrible

paradise is horrible it’s like an all-inclusive vacation you

it’s like an all-inclusive vacation you

it’s like an all-inclusive vacation you know there’s not much to do they’re not

know there’s not much to do they’re not

know there’s not much to do they’re not not any decisions to be made and you

not any decisions to be made and you

not any decisions to be made and you cannot grow because everything will stay

cannot grow because everything will stay

cannot grow because everything will stay the same it’s horrible so you know

the same it’s horrible so you know

the same it’s horrible so you know plucking the fruit and eating from it

plucking the fruit and eating from it

plucking the fruit and eating from it that’s the decision to become an adult I

that’s the decision to become an adult I

that’s the decision to become an adult I think and then real life starts and real

think and then real life starts and real

think and then real life starts and real life in a way you know we know it now so

life in a way you know we know it now so

life in a way you know we know it now so it comes with hardship it comes with

it comes with hardship it comes with

it comes with hardship it comes with responsibility it comes with the need to

responsibility it comes with the need to

responsibility it comes with the need to make choices and it comes with the

make choices and it comes with the

make choices and it comes with the possibility of growth and that I think

possibility of growth and that I think

possibility of growth and that I think is an extraordinary extraordinary

is an extraordinary extraordinary

is an extraordinary extraordinary beautiful thing so I wish all of us many

beautiful thing so I wish all of us many

beautiful thing so I wish all of us many many processes of growth thank you very

many processes of growth thank you very

many processes of growth thank you very much

much

much [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]

[Music]

[Music] [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]

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