I have a question I’ve always wanted to share I don’t know why I’ve never asked
share I don’t know why I’ve never asked
share I don’t know why I’ve never asked I haven’t asked because those are my
I haven’t asked because those are my
I haven’t asked because those are my invisible words invisible words are
invisible words invisible words are
invisible words invisible words are those beautifully vibrant and sometimes
those beautifully vibrant and sometimes
those beautifully vibrant and sometimes painful narratives that we’ve always
painful narratives that we’ve always
painful narratives that we’ve always wanted to share with the people closest
wanted to share with the people closest
wanted to share with the people closest to us those have always needed to hear
to us those have always needed to hear
to us those have always needed to hear them but never have so they remain
them but never have so they remain
them but never have so they remain trapped in the ellipses buried in our
trapped in the ellipses buried in our
trapped in the ellipses buried in our core at the level of our deepest
core at the level of our deepest
core at the level of our deepest humanity my name is Brenton and I’ve
humanity my name is Brenton and I’ve
humanity my name is Brenton and I’ve always believed in the power of words I
always believed in the power of words I
always believed in the power of words I believe in their power to enraptured the
believe in their power to enraptured the
believe in their power to enraptured the soul for both great transformation or
soul for both great transformation or
soul for both great transformation or great pain a couple of years ago I wrote
great pain a couple of years ago I wrote
great pain a couple of years ago I wrote a letter unlike any that I’ve ever
a letter unlike any that I’ve ever
a letter unlike any that I’ve ever shared before the first part of it read
shared before the first part of it read
shared before the first part of it read dear Peter once upon a time we were
dear Peter once upon a time we were
dear Peter once upon a time we were great friends we’d spend post cool
great friends we’d spend post cool
great friends we’d spend post cool afternoons playing Nintendo 64 and
afternoons playing Nintendo 64 and
afternoons playing Nintendo 64 and watching your da style Golden Retriever
watching your da style Golden Retriever
watching your da style Golden Retriever mosey around the basement we’d spend
mosey around the basement we’d spend
mosey around the basement we’d spend weekends playing basketball discussing
weekends playing basketball discussing
weekends playing basketball discussing music trends opening up about first
music trends opening up about first
music trends opening up about first kisses and competing to see who could
kisses and competing to see who could
kisses and competing to see who could eat more Chipotle burritos which was
eat more Chipotle burritos which was
eat more Chipotle burritos which was never more than one but then one day
never more than one but then one day
never more than one but then one day that all changed I walked into the first
that all changed I walked into the first
that all changed I walked into the first day of eleventh grade and none of our
day of eleventh grade and none of our
day of eleventh grade and none of our friends would speak to me after days of
friends would speak to me after days of
friends would speak to me after days of silence one of them finally decided to
silence one of them finally decided to
silence one of them finally decided to say Peter said we shouldn’t trust you
say Peter said we shouldn’t trust you
say Peter said we shouldn’t trust you anymore so I don’t want to be your
anymore so I don’t want to be your
anymore so I don’t want to be your friend I knew exactly what had happened
friend I knew exactly what had happened
friend I knew exactly what had happened at the end of the summer I told you that
at the end of the summer I told you that
at the end of the summer I told you that I felt like an imposter but even though
I felt like an imposter but even though
I felt like an imposter but even though we were in the same program I didn’t
we were in the same program I didn’t
we were in the same program I didn’t have the same opportunities that many of
have the same opportunities that many of
have the same opportunities that many of our classmates had I didn’t have an Audi
our classmates had I didn’t have an Audi
our classmates had I didn’t have an Audi or a Volkswagen to show off I had a bus
or a Volkswagen to show off I had a bus
or a Volkswagen to show off I had a bus pass I didn’t shop at North’s former
pass I didn’t shop at North’s former
pass I didn’t shop at North’s former Express I wore a designer label called
Express I wore a designer label called
Express I wore a designer label called hand-me-downs and I didn’t go to
hand-me-downs and I didn’t go to
hand-me-downs and I didn’t go to concerts
concerts
concerts I burned CDs and when people brought up
I burned CDs and when people brought up
I burned CDs and when people brought up such things I just pretended like I knew
such things I just pretended like I knew
such things I just pretended like I knew what they were talking about because I
what they were talking about because I
what they were talking about because I so desperately
so desperately
so desperately wanted to belong and when I had heard on
wanted to belong and when I had heard on
wanted to belong and when I had heard on that day that you said I shouldn’t be
that day that you said I shouldn’t be
that day that you said I shouldn’t be trusted you confirmed what I felt deep
trusted you confirmed what I felt deep
trusted you confirmed what I felt deep down in my heart of hearts at the time
down in my heart of hearts at the time
down in my heart of hearts at the time but I wasn’t worth anything and I ended
but I wasn’t worth anything and I ended
but I wasn’t worth anything and I ended up in the place that I so desperately
up in the place that I so desperately
up in the place that I so desperately wanted to avoid alone that excerpt
wanted to avoid alone that excerpt
wanted to avoid alone that excerpt became one of a hundred eighty seven
became one of a hundred eighty seven
became one of a hundred eighty seven letters that I wrote in the span of two
letters that I wrote in the span of two
letters that I wrote in the span of two years to share my invisible words the
years to share my invisible words the
years to share my invisible words the whole journey started in 2012 that year
whole journey started in 2012 that year
whole journey started in 2012 that year I found myself in a war zone in Myanmar
I found myself in a war zone in Myanmar
I found myself in a war zone in Myanmar on accident I’d gone off the beaten path
on accident I’d gone off the beaten path
on accident I’d gone off the beaten path with a friend near the Thailand border
with a friend near the Thailand border
with a friend near the Thailand border and I found myself in a clearing
and I found myself in a clearing
and I found myself in a clearing standing before guard posts with
standing before guard posts with
standing before guard posts with numerous guns pointed at me frozen and
numerous guns pointed at me frozen and
numerous guns pointed at me frozen and before I could even think of what to say
before I could even think of what to say
before I could even think of what to say or what to do a random soldier ran out
or what to do a random soldier ran out
or what to do a random soldier ran out into the middle of the clearing started
into the middle of the clearing started
into the middle of the clearing started frantically waving his arms and waving
frantically waving his arms and waving
frantically waving his arms and waving people off and then he looked at me
people off and then he looked at me
people off and then he looked at me cocked his head pointed and then said
cocked his head pointed and then said
cocked his head pointed and then said Obama Obama come over here come over
Obama Obama come over here come over
Obama Obama come over here come over here and so I walked over confused he
here and so I walked over confused he
here and so I walked over confused he said what are you doing here I don’t
said what are you doing here I don’t
said what are you doing here I don’t know I guess I got lost well he said
know I guess I got lost well he said
know I guess I got lost well he said come come sit sit
come come sit sit
come come sit sit my name is B so B and I sat down and we
my name is B so B and I sat down and we
my name is B so B and I sat down and we had a conversation we were laughing and
had a conversation we were laughing and
had a conversation we were laughing and smiling as if as saving my life was a
smiling as if as saving my life was a
smiling as if as saving my life was a distant memory and partway through this
distant memory and partway through this
distant memory and partway through this conversation be handed me a photo it was
conversation be handed me a photo it was
conversation be handed me a photo it was of a little girl maybe three or four
of a little girl maybe three or four
of a little girl maybe three or four years old my daughter he said a very
years old my daughter he said a very
years old my daughter he said a very cute I replied but B fell silent after
cute I replied but B fell silent after
cute I replied but B fell silent after another moment his eyes welled up a bit
another moment his eyes welled up a bit
another moment his eyes welled up a bit and he said the reason why I became a
and he said the reason why I became a
and he said the reason why I became a soldier is because I saw my daughter
soldier is because I saw my daughter
soldier is because I saw my daughter shot and killed before my eyes but
shot and killed before my eyes but
shot and killed before my eyes but before I could respond he waved his hand
before I could respond he waved his hand
before I could respond he waved his hand he said no it’s okay I don’t have any
he said no it’s okay I don’t have any
he said no it’s okay I don’t have any regrets every day I told her that I
regrets every day I told her that I
regrets every day I told her that I loved her and even now I still speak of
loved her and even now I still speak of
loved her and even now I still speak of her once a week my fellow soldiers and I
her once a week my fellow soldiers and I
her once a week my fellow soldiers and I gather and we tell stories
gather and we tell stories
gather and we tell stories painful happy stories about our families
painful happy stories about our families
painful happy stories about our families our dreams and our futures this is some
our dreams and our futures this is some
our dreams and our futures this is some of the most precious time to us he said
of the most precious time to us he said
of the most precious time to us he said it reminds us that even though we wear
it reminds us that even though we wear
it reminds us that even though we wear these uniforms we never stop being who
these uniforms we never stop being who
these uniforms we never stop being who we truly are in here so we said he must
we truly are in here so we said he must
we truly are in here so we said he must never forget to share how you truly feel
never forget to share how you truly feel
never forget to share how you truly feel Obama this conversation left a permanent
Obama this conversation left a permanent
Obama this conversation left a permanent imprint on me
imprint on me
imprint on me here were men who were trained and
here were men who were trained and
here were men who were trained and poised to kill trusting each other with
poised to kill trusting each other with
poised to kill trusting each other with their deepest wounds and their deepest
their deepest wounds and their deepest
their deepest wounds and their deepest pains and their deepest humanity they
pains and their deepest humanity they
pains and their deepest humanity they reminded me of my own pains and triumphs
reminded me of my own pains and triumphs
reminded me of my own pains and triumphs and all of the words that I myself
and all of the words that I myself
and all of the words that I myself needed to share so I did what I knew
needed to share so I did what I knew
needed to share so I did what I knew best I wrote I wrote well the people who
best I wrote I wrote well the people who
best I wrote I wrote well the people who were the source of these emotions I
were the source of these emotions I
were the source of these emotions I wrote joyful letters like the one to my
wrote joyful letters like the one to my
wrote joyful letters like the one to my first-grade teacher Miss Smith who
first-grade teacher Miss Smith who
first-grade teacher Miss Smith who passed on her love of learning and spent
passed on her love of learning and spent
passed on her love of learning and spent years in my corner which she didn’t have
years in my corner which she didn’t have
years in my corner which she didn’t have to a day I could never repay or painful
to a day I could never repay or painful
to a day I could never repay or painful letters like the one to Peter and in the
letters like the one to Peter and in the
letters like the one to Peter and in the end I sent 186 letters and 187 the final
end I sent 186 letters and 187 the final
end I sent 186 letters and 187 the final one which is also the first one that I
one which is also the first one that I
one which is also the first one that I wrote to Peter I only had the courage to
wrote to Peter I only had the courage to
wrote to Peter I only had the courage to send just this morning
the interesting thing was that most of
the interesting thing was that most of the letters got no reply but for me it
the letters got no reply but for me it
the letters got no reply but for me it wasn’t about the responses the catharsis
wasn’t about the responses the catharsis
wasn’t about the responses the catharsis came just in speaking the words in
came just in speaking the words in
came just in speaking the words in releasing these experiences that have
releasing these experiences that have
releasing these experiences that have been buried deep down and so I thought
been buried deep down and so I thought
been buried deep down and so I thought to myself what if I’m not the only one
to myself what if I’m not the only one
to myself what if I’m not the only one who feels this way what if there are
who feels this way what if there are
who feels this way what if there are other people who’ve had profound
other people who’ve had profound
other people who’ve had profound experiences but don’t speak of them
experiences but don’t speak of them
experiences but don’t speak of them because they don’t have the space to be
because they don’t have the space to be
because they don’t have the space to be we have spaces to explore strengthening
we have spaces to explore strengthening
we have spaces to explore strengthening our bodies like gyms and exercise
our bodies like gyms and exercise
our bodies like gyms and exercise Studios we have library schools and
Studios we have library schools and
Studios we have library schools and universities to sharpen the mind we
universities to sharpen the mind we
universities to sharpen the mind we don’t really explore being human we
don’t really explore being human we
don’t really explore being human we often talk about the masks we wear in
often talk about the masks we wear in
often talk about the masks we wear in society but in many ways those masks are
society but in many ways those masks are
society but in many ways those masks are necessary it’s not always appropriate to
necessary it’s not always appropriate to
necessary it’s not always appropriate to take them off and bare our souls but in
take them off and bare our souls but in
take them off and bare our souls but in that process of mask wearing we
that process of mask wearing we
that process of mask wearing we convinced ourselves of an illusion but
convinced ourselves of an illusion but
convinced ourselves of an illusion but other people don’t have the same pains
other people don’t have the same pains
other people don’t have the same pains and wonderings and silly daydreams that
and wonderings and silly daydreams that
and wonderings and silly daydreams that we do so I asked what if we made space
we do so I asked what if we made space
we do so I asked what if we made space and I’d looked at this question both
and I’d looked at this question both
and I’d looked at this question both literally and figuratively
literally and figuratively
literally and figuratively figuratively I dedicated my writing to
figuratively I dedicated my writing to
figuratively I dedicated my writing to things like connection love virtue in
things like connection love virtue in
things like connection love virtue in any literal spaces – along with some
any literal spaces – along with some
any literal spaces – along with some great collaborators I created space for
great collaborators I created space for
great collaborators I created space for people to share their profound
people to share their profound
people to share their profound experiences with each other using song
experiences with each other using song
experiences with each other using song art writing and story but of all these
art writing and story but of all these
art writing and story but of all these occasions the one that impacted me the
occasions the one that impacted me the
occasions the one that impacted me the most is the one that always sticks out
most is the one that always sticks out
most is the one that always sticks out in my memory and that was exploring
in my memory and that was exploring
in my memory and that was exploring hidden storylines on this occasion about
hidden storylines on this occasion about
hidden storylines on this occasion about a year ago I asked a group of people to
a year ago I asked a group of people to
a year ago I asked a group of people to write a short note to someone currently
write a short note to someone currently
write a short note to someone currently in their life or not alive or not
in their life or not alive or not
in their life or not alive or not positive or negative to share something
positive or negative to share something
positive or negative to share something they’ve always wanted to say to that
they’ve always wanted to say to that
they’ve always wanted to say to that person but never have we told the group
person but never have we told the group
person but never have we told the group of the concept at the last 8% that in so
of the concept at the last 8% that in so
of the concept at the last 8% that in so many human interactions we share 92% of
many human interactions we share 92% of
many human interactions we share 92% of what we want to say to someone but we
what we want to say to someone but we
what we want to say to someone but we intentionally walk away with the last
intentionally walk away with the last
intentionally walk away with the last eight which is the most potent the most
eight which is the most potent the most
eight which is the most potent the most powerful and the most transformative so
powerful and the most transformative so
powerful and the most transformative so people shared that 8% they share things
people shared that 8% they share things
people shared that 8% they share things like when they don’t understand why I
like when they don’t understand why I
like when they don’t understand why I kept it a secret or thank you
kept it a secret or thank you
kept it a secret or thank you you were the last person I called when
you were the last person I called when
you were the last person I called when you answered and we talked about growing
you answered and we talked about growing
you answered and we talked about growing tomatoes I put the gun down or
tomatoes I put the gun down or
tomatoes I put the gun down or I love you that’s it if only I hadn’t
I love you that’s it if only I hadn’t
I love you that’s it if only I hadn’t taken me 42 years to say it
taken me 42 years to say it
taken me 42 years to say it there were many tears and smiles but
there were many tears and smiles but
there were many tears and smiles but there was the same shift that we’d
there was the same shift that we’d
there was the same shift that we’d always come to see people went from
always come to see people went from
always come to see people went from asking what haven’t I said to really
asking what haven’t I said to really
asking what haven’t I said to really asking how am i living how am I being as
asking how am i living how am I being as
asking how am i living how am I being as a person because no one’s gonna give you
a person because no one’s gonna give you
a person because no one’s gonna give you permission to explore your deepest
permission to explore your deepest
permission to explore your deepest humanity and that’s why we need to make
humanity and that’s why we need to make
humanity and that’s why we need to make space to share that last 8% because I
space to share that last 8% because I
space to share that last 8% because I last 8% or the human matters so I leave
last 8% or the human matters so I leave
last 8% or the human matters so I leave you with a question that I’ve always
you with a question that I’ve always
you with a question that I’ve always wanted to share my invisible question in
wanted to share my invisible question in
wanted to share my invisible question in the form of one of my narrative poems
what kind of human are you it’s a
what kind of human are you it’s a question I’ve wanted to ask so many as I
question I’ve wanted to ask so many as I
question I’ve wanted to ask so many as I dive into an exploratory excavation of
dive into an exploratory excavation of
dive into an exploratory excavation of their personhood what stories were
their personhood what stories were
their personhood what stories were bottled up and cast into the rivers of
bottled up and cast into the rivers of
bottled up and cast into the rivers of your bloodline but I rarely asked
your bloodline but I rarely asked
your bloodline but I rarely asked because we’ve been brought up in a world
because we’ve been brought up in a world
because we’ve been brought up in a world where we so often demonize the difficult
where we so often demonize the difficult
where we so often demonize the difficult questions so what binds together the
questions so what binds together the
questions so what binds together the ethereal threads of personhood is it the
ethereal threads of personhood is it the
ethereal threads of personhood is it the pulsating beats of our icarus hearts is
pulsating beats of our icarus hearts is
pulsating beats of our icarus hearts is it the deep fears of inadequacy or unbel
it the deep fears of inadequacy or unbel
it the deep fears of inadequacy or unbel awning or maybe that we all come from
awning or maybe that we all come from
awning or maybe that we all come from the same place cradled by a mother who
the same place cradled by a mother who
the same place cradled by a mother who welcomed us into a world where were
welcomed us into a world where were
welcomed us into a world where were trained so easily to forget about each
trained so easily to forget about each
trained so easily to forget about each other and about ourselves or even the
other and about ourselves or even the
other and about ourselves or even the word person is a lie coming from the
word person is a lie coming from the
word person is a lie coming from the Latin persona meaning mask so what’s the
Latin persona meaning mask so what’s the
Latin persona meaning mask so what’s the difference between seeing a persona and
difference between seeing a persona and
difference between seeing a persona and seeing a human the vibrant spirit the
seeing a human the vibrant spirit the
seeing a human the vibrant spirit the untold scar is a lie beneath the surface
untold scar is a lie beneath the surface
untold scar is a lie beneath the surface there will come a day where we reach an
there will come a day where we reach an
there will come a day where we reach an impasse a fork in the road as a
impasse a fork in the road as a
impasse a fork in the road as a collective and the choice we make will
collective and the choice we make will
collective and the choice we make will shape what that world will become will
shape what that world will become will
shape what that world will become will it become a world of fervent Beauty
it become a world of fervent Beauty
it become a world of fervent Beauty where we link our human spirits and
where we link our human spirits and
where we link our human spirits and celebrate these unique origins or will
celebrate these unique origins or will
celebrate these unique origins or will it become a world of stark darkness
it become a world of stark darkness
it become a world of stark darkness where we further cage and bottle up such
where we further cage and bottle up such
where we further cage and bottle up such a beautiful human essence well I guess
a beautiful human essence well I guess
a beautiful human essence well I guess it all depends on one question what kind
it all depends on one question what kind
it all depends on one question what kind of human are you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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