when I was in my 20s I was living in New York City and I was working as an extra
York City and I was working as an extra
York City and I was working as an extra for a reality television show who do
for a reality television show who do
for a reality television show who do that was a thing right it is now this
that was a thing right it is now this
that was a thing right it is now this particular show was called elimidate’
particular show was called elimidate’
particular show was called elimidate’ here’s how it works
here’s how it works
here’s how it works one person one contestant would go on a
one person one contestant would go on a
one person one contestant would go on a date with four people of the opposite
date with four people of the opposite
date with four people of the opposite sex and throughout the evening they
sex and throughout the evening they
sex and throughout the evening they would get eliminated one by one by one
would get eliminated one by one by one
would get eliminated one by one by one and whoever was the last person standing
and whoever was the last person standing
and whoever was the last person standing would live happily ever after with the
would live happily ever after with the
would live happily ever after with the contestants or something like that
contestants or something like that
contestants or something like that super classy television now my job as
super classy television now my job as
super classy television now my job as the extra was to be in the background
the extra was to be in the background
the extra was to be in the background and to create this illusion that there
and to create this illusion that there
and to create this illusion that there was like this busy bumpin Club happening
was like this busy bumpin Club happening
was like this busy bumpin Club happening while they’re on this date so I would
while they’re on this date so I would
while they’re on this date so I would show up in the afternoon at the bar
show up in the afternoon at the bar
show up in the afternoon at the bar which was the set and when I got there
which was the set and when I got there
which was the set and when I got there the producers would be busy covering up
the producers would be busy covering up
the producers would be busy covering up all the windows so that it looks like it
all the windows so that it looks like it
all the windows so that it looks like it was nighttime then they would fire up
was nighttime then they would fire up
was nighttime then they would fire up the fog machine and serve blaring the
the fog machine and serve blaring the
the fog machine and serve blaring the music and then when it’s time to really
music and then when it’s time to really
music and then when it’s time to really roll the cameras all the producers
roll the cameras all the producers
roll the cameras all the producers started screaming at us extras to dance
started screaming at us extras to dance
started screaming at us extras to dance with each other so then we were like
with each other so then we were like
with each other so then we were like awkwardly grinding with the person
awkwardly grinding with the person
awkwardly grinding with the person closest to us so I learned reality
closest to us so I learned reality
closest to us so I learned reality television isn’t real but I also learned
television isn’t real but I also learned
television isn’t real but I also learned that each and every one of us we have a
that each and every one of us we have a
that each and every one of us we have a choice and how we’re going to show up in
choice and how we’re going to show up in
choice and how we’re going to show up in this world so the question becomes how
this world so the question becomes how
this world so the question becomes how real do I want to be so sometimes when
real do I want to be so sometimes when
real do I want to be so sometimes when we talk about being real what we’re
we talk about being real what we’re
we talk about being real what we’re really meeting is that we want to be
really meeting is that we want to be
really meeting is that we want to be authentic but authentic sometimes gets
authentic but authentic sometimes gets
authentic but authentic sometimes gets confused with being transparent so let’s
confused with being transparent so let’s
confused with being transparent so let’s break it down to be transparent the
break it down to be transparent the
break it down to be transparent the definition is
definition is
definition is free from pretense or deceit it
free from pretense or deceit it
free from pretense or deceit it basically means you’re not lying to be
basically means you’re not lying to be
basically means you’re not lying to be authentic however it’s more inclusive of
authentic however it’s more inclusive of
authentic however it’s more inclusive of the whole human experience it means true
the whole human experience it means true
the whole human experience it means true to one’s own personality spirit or
to one’s own personality spirit or
to one’s own personality spirit or character transparency is telling
character transparency is telling
character transparency is telling someone that you’re an alcoholic
someone that you’re an alcoholic
someone that you’re an alcoholic authenticity is sharing the pain behind
authenticity is sharing the pain behind
authenticity is sharing the pain behind why you drink transparency is telling
why you drink transparency is telling
why you drink transparency is telling your partner that you had an affair
your partner that you had an affair
your partner that you had an affair authenticity is saying even though I
authenticity is saying even though I
authenticity is saying even though I love you I no longer want to be married
love you I no longer want to be married
love you I no longer want to be married transparency is the surface authenticity
transparency is the surface authenticity
transparency is the surface authenticity is the depth perhaps there is no more
is the depth perhaps there is no more
is the depth perhaps there is no more inauthentic experience in our culture
inauthentic experience in our culture
inauthentic experience in our culture than the dreaded networking event you
than the dreaded networking event you
than the dreaded networking event you all probably been to a few of these in
all probably been to a few of these in
all probably been to a few of these in your lifetime I’m guessing none so you
your lifetime I’m guessing none so you
your lifetime I’m guessing none so you get there you check in they give you a
get there you check in they give you a
get there you check in they give you a nametag maybe write down your real name
nametag maybe write down your real name
nametag maybe write down your real name or maybe you’re like me and you have fun
or maybe you’re like me and you have fun
or maybe you’re like me and you have fun with it you make a lot more friends that
with it you make a lot more friends that
with it you make a lot more friends that way I’m just AG and then and then you go
way I’m just AG and then and then you go
way I’m just AG and then and then you go and you start working the room by what
and you start working the room by what
and you start working the room by what I’ve noticed when I go to networking
I’ve noticed when I go to networking
I’ve noticed when I go to networking events
events
events I’ll meet maybe 15 people but there’s
I’ll meet maybe 15 people but there’s
I’ll meet maybe 15 people but there’s only two questions that are ever asked
only two questions that are ever asked
only two questions that are ever asked what are the two questions what do you
what are the two questions what do you
what are the two questions what do you do and where are you from
do and where are you from
do and where are you from so all night long at this recent
so all night long at this recent
so all night long at this recent networking event I was answering these
networking event I was answering these
networking event I was answering these questions what do you do were you from
questions what do you do were you from
questions what do you do were you from what do you do were you from and by the
what do you do were you from and by the
what do you do were you from and by the end of that evening I was feeling
end of that evening I was feeling
end of that evening I was feeling unfulfilled actually if I’m to be super
unfulfilled actually if I’m to be super
unfulfilled actually if I’m to be super authentic with you guys I felt well me I
authentic with you guys I felt well me I
authentic with you guys I felt well me I felt lonely in a room full of people
felt lonely in a room full of people
felt lonely in a room full of people these kinds of questions that were
these kinds of questions that were
these kinds of questions that were asking there leading to a total culture
asking there leading to a total culture
asking there leading to a total culture of disconnect because while I met many I
of disconnect because while I met many I
of disconnect because while I met many I connected with few so how do we connect
connected with few so how do we connect
connected with few so how do we connect for the past five years I’ve been
for the past five years I’ve been
for the past five years I’ve been working with hundreds of people to
working with hundreds of people to
working with hundreds of people to discover their authentic selves and then
discover their authentic selves and then
discover their authentic selves and then share it with the world
share it with the world
share it with the world and when I work with people we do an
and when I work with people we do an
and when I work with people we do an exercise that I call head heart core
exercise that I call head heart core
exercise that I call head heart core this is an exercise that helps people
this is an exercise that helps people
this is an exercise that helps people understand that we can speak our truth
understand that we can speak our truth
understand that we can speak our truth from three places hardcore so let’s
from three places hardcore so let’s
from three places hardcore so let’s begin with the head that’s I think these
begin with the head that’s I think these
begin with the head that’s I think these are facts these are things that are
are facts these are things that are
are facts these are things that are undisputedly true my name is Aaron weed
undisputedly true my name is Aaron weed
undisputedly true my name is Aaron weed I am from Boulder Colorado I am a thumb
I am from Boulder Colorado I am a thumb
I am from Boulder Colorado I am a thumb wrestling champion
wrestling champion
wrestling champion you cannot dispute these things I’m
you cannot dispute these things I’m
you cannot dispute these things I’m serious if you’re going to the
serious if you’re going to the
serious if you’re going to the after-party that’s from the head and the
after-party that’s from the head and the
after-party that’s from the head and the head is really powerful because the head
head is really powerful because the head
head is really powerful because the head creates context context builds trust and
creates context context builds trust and
creates context context builds trust and Trust is what we need for relationships
Trust is what we need for relationships
Trust is what we need for relationships the problem is that we stay in the head
the problem is that we stay in the head
the problem is that we stay in the head too long like at a networking event we
too long like at a networking event we
too long like at a networking event we got to dive down to the heart because
got to dive down to the heart because
got to dive down to the heart because that’s where some of the magic is right
that’s where some of the magic is right
that’s where some of the magic is right here I feel when we connect with someone
here I feel when we connect with someone
here I feel when we connect with someone emotionally we are able to meet each
emotionally we are able to meet each
emotionally we are able to meet each other and the reason is because every
other and the reason is because every
other and the reason is because every person in this room knows what it feels
person in this room knows what it feels
person in this room knows what it feels like to be happy to be sad to be angry
like to be happy to be sad to be angry
like to be happy to be sad to be angry and that unites us all the next time you
and that unites us all the next time you
and that unites us all the next time you go to a networking event and maybe
go to a networking event and maybe
go to a networking event and maybe you’re feeling a little socially anxious
you’re feeling a little socially anxious
you’re feeling a little socially anxious what if you would actually tell that to
what if you would actually tell that to
what if you would actually tell that to the person that you were meeting you
the person that you were meeting you
the person that you were meeting you might be surprised at the connection
might be surprised at the connection
might be surprised at the connection that’s on the other side of that then
that’s on the other side of that then
that’s on the other side of that then finally the core the core is I want and
finally the core the core is I want and
finally the core the core is I want and in our culture sometimes we don’t like
in our culture sometimes we don’t like
in our culture sometimes we don’t like to talk about all that desire stuff it
to talk about all that desire stuff it
to talk about all that desire stuff it feels may be a little bit overbearing
feels may be a little bit overbearing
feels may be a little bit overbearing but I love people that could speak from
but I love people that could speak from
but I love people that could speak from the core because you know what they’re
the core because you know what they’re
the core because you know what they’re about now let’s take the dating realm
about now let’s take the dating realm
about now let’s take the dating realm for example let’s say you’ve gone on
for example let’s say you’ve gone on
for example let’s say you’ve gone on like a date or two with somebody and
like a date or two with somebody and
like a date or two with somebody and they’re not totally interested in you
they’re not totally interested in you
they’re not totally interested in you would you rather they completely ignore
would you rather they completely ignore
would you rather they completely ignore your text messages and absolutely ghost
your text messages and absolutely ghost
your text messages and absolutely ghost you or would you rather that they speak
you or would you rather that they speak
you or would you rather that they speak from the core and tell you what what
from the core and tell you what what
from the core and tell you what what they want or what they don’t want most
they want or what they don’t want most
they want or what they don’t want most people would prefer the second not only
people would prefer the second not only
people would prefer the second not only is speaking from the core clear it is
is speaking from the core clear it is
is speaking from the core clear it is also kind know speaking from the head
also kind know speaking from the head
also kind know speaking from the head heart and core is so valuable because
heart and core is so valuable because
heart and core is so valuable because you can use it in a one-to-one
you can use it in a one-to-one
you can use it in a one-to-one conversation you can use it in a 1 to
conversation you can use it in a 1 to
conversation you can use it in a 1 to some group setting like leading a
some group setting like leading a
some group setting like leading a workshop you can also use it in a one
workshop you can also use it in a one
workshop you can also use it in a one dimension like
dimension like
dimension like giving a speech but in order for it to
giving a speech but in order for it to
giving a speech but in order for it to work first we have to ask ourself that
work first we have to ask ourself that
work first we have to ask ourself that hard question how real do I want to be
hard question how real do I want to be
hard question how real do I want to be we also have to ask ourselves am I still
we also have to ask ourselves am I still
we also have to ask ourselves am I still willing to be real even when it’s hard I
willing to be real even when it’s hard I
willing to be real even when it’s hard I have a friend named Ruthie when she was
have a friend named Ruthie when she was
have a friend named Ruthie when she was 37 years old she was diagnosed with
37 years old she was diagnosed with
37 years old she was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal colon cancer
stage 4 terminal colon cancer
stage 4 terminal colon cancer now Ruthie has a wicked sense of humor
now Ruthie has a wicked sense of humor
now Ruthie has a wicked sense of humor she also has a total obsession with
she also has a total obsession with
she also has a total obsession with Wonder Woman so one day I was gonna be
Wonder Woman so one day I was gonna be
Wonder Woman so one day I was gonna be bringing her to chemo and I thought to
bringing her to chemo and I thought to
bringing her to chemo and I thought to myself what a hilarious idea for me to
myself what a hilarious idea for me to
myself what a hilarious idea for me to dress up as Wonder Woman and show up at
dress up as Wonder Woman and show up at
dress up as Wonder Woman and show up at her door and so I like dressing up and
her door and so I like dressing up and
her door and so I like dressing up and so I did without thinking too much about
so I did without thinking too much about
so I did without thinking too much about it I put on the full Wonder Woman getup
it I put on the full Wonder Woman getup
it I put on the full Wonder Woman getup I got my car started driving as I’m
I got my car started driving as I’m
I got my car started driving as I’m pulling into her town my head starts
pulling into her town my head starts
pulling into her town my head starts talking to me and my head is like oh man
talking to me and my head is like oh man
talking to me and my head is like oh man like that was probably not such a good
like that was probably not such a good
like that was probably not such a good idea like what is she what if she thinks
idea like what is she what if she thinks
idea like what is she what if she thinks you’re making a mockery of this like
you’re making a mockery of this like
you’re making a mockery of this like come on Aaron then my heart was like no
come on Aaron then my heart was like no
come on Aaron then my heart was like no way
way
way it’s gonna be awesome she’s gonna love
it’s gonna be awesome she’s gonna love
it’s gonna be awesome she’s gonna love it so much and then my core was like
it so much and then my core was like
it so much and then my core was like well heart if we’re doing this thing I’m
well heart if we’re doing this thing I’m
well heart if we’re doing this thing I’m gonna need some strong coffee as luck
gonna need some strong coffee as luck
gonna need some strong coffee as luck was habit I was passing by a Starbucks
was habit I was passing by a Starbucks
was habit I was passing by a Starbucks so I pull in now here’s the thing you
so I pull in now here’s the thing you
so I pull in now here’s the thing you guys if you’re gonna go into a Starbucks
on a Friday morning that is right next
on a Friday morning that is right next to a business center and everyone is in
to a business center and everyone is in
to a business center and everyone is in business attire and you walk in with a
business attire and you walk in with a
business attire and you walk in with a superhero outfit you have to own it
and so channeling my best Linda Carter
and so channeling my best Linda Carter swag opened the door and made my
swag opened the door and made my
swag opened the door and made my entrance and I don’t always have that
entrance and I don’t always have that
entrance and I don’t always have that experience when I walk into a public
experience when I walk into a public
experience when I walk into a public place where people stop and look at me I
place where people stop and look at me I
place where people stop and look at me I mean that’s just not every day but that
mean that’s just not every day but that
mean that’s just not every day but that day they did and boy did I rocket
day they did and boy did I rocket
day they did and boy did I rocket high-fives big smiles whole deal so I
high-fives big smiles whole deal so I
high-fives big smiles whole deal so I order my coffee and then I’m waiting for
order my coffee and then I’m waiting for
order my coffee and then I’m waiting for it at the very ends and as I’m waiting
it at the very ends and as I’m waiting
it at the very ends and as I’m waiting this tiny little woman with big brown
this tiny little woman with big brown
this tiny little woman with big brown eyes comes up to me and she says I have
eyes comes up to me and she says I have
eyes comes up to me and she says I have got to know why you’re dressed like that
got to know why you’re dressed like that
got to know why you’re dressed like that fair question and you know what she
fair question and you know what she
fair question and you know what she knows how to speak from the core just
knows how to speak from the core just
knows how to speak from the core just did but it was kind of a moment of truth
did but it was kind of a moment of truth
did but it was kind of a moment of truth for me because I was like how real do I
for me because I was like how real do I
for me because I was like how real do I want to be have you ever had a really
want to be have you ever had a really
want to be have you ever had a really bad day and someone asks you how you’re
bad day and someone asks you how you’re
bad day and someone asks you how you’re doing and you’re like okay if I’m to be
doing and you’re like okay if I’m to be
doing and you’re like okay if I’m to be real with you I’m gonna totally take you
real with you I’m gonna totally take you
real with you I’m gonna totally take you into the gutter with me you know not to
into the gutter with me you know not to
into the gutter with me you know not to mention the fact that to be real about
mention the fact that to be real about
mention the fact that to be real about their you risk rejection of showing up
their you risk rejection of showing up
their you risk rejection of showing up is the beautiful mess that each and
is the beautiful mess that each and
is the beautiful mess that each and every one of us is but the thing is real
every one of us is but the thing is real
every one of us is but the thing is real is risky and someone’s got to go first
is risky and someone’s got to go first
is risky and someone’s got to go first Karl young once said the privilege of a
Karl young once said the privilege of a
Karl young once said the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are
lifetime is to become who you truly are
lifetime is to become who you truly are and I felt in that moment that I had an
and I felt in that moment that I had an
and I felt in that moment that I had an opportunity to become more of myself and
opportunity to become more of myself and
opportunity to become more of myself and so I summoned everything I had to be
so I summoned everything I had to be
so I summoned everything I had to be honest with her and I looked right at
honest with her and I looked right at
honest with her and I looked right at her and I said here’s the dealio I have
her and I said here’s the dealio I have
her and I said here’s the dealio I have this amazing friend who is going through
this amazing friend who is going through
this amazing friend who is going through an epic cancer battle and it is crushing
an epic cancer battle and it is crushing
an epic cancer battle and it is crushing my heart and I just want to do one
my heart and I just want to do one
my heart and I just want to do one little thing that can bring her a little
little thing that can bring her a little
little thing that can bring her a little bit of joy today as I bring her to chemo
bit of joy today as I bring her to chemo
bit of joy today as I bring her to chemo and that woman just looked at me and she
and that woman just looked at me and she
and that woman just looked at me and she said you have no idea what you just did
said you have no idea what you just did
said you have no idea what you just did for me thank you and she grabbed my
for me thank you and she grabbed my
for me thank you and she grabbed my hands and hers she came a little
hands and hers she came a little
hands and hers she came a little squeezed and she turned around
squeezed and she turned around
squeezed and she turned around and walked right out of that Starbucks I
and walked right out of that Starbucks I
and walked right out of that Starbucks I have no idea where she was going I have
have no idea where she was going I have
have no idea where she was going I have no idea what she was going through I
no idea what she was going through I
no idea what she was going through I have no idea why that interaction was so
have no idea why that interaction was so
have no idea why that interaction was so powerful for her all I know is that it
powerful for her all I know is that it
powerful for her all I know is that it was my friends the choice is yours and
was my friends the choice is yours and
was my friends the choice is yours and how real you want to be but here’s the
how real you want to be but here’s the
how real you want to be but here’s the thing real is risky but the reward is
thing real is risky but the reward is
thing real is risky but the reward is sweet and if we want a more authentic
sweet and if we want a more authentic
sweet and if we want a more authentic world someone’s got to go first and
world someone’s got to go first and
world someone’s got to go first and second and third and maybe that person
second and third and maybe that person
second and third and maybe that person is you thank you
”
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