I’m a teacher I’m a high school English teacher I’ve been teaching for 19 years
teacher I’ve been teaching for 19 years
teacher I’ve been teaching for 19 years and as a teacher I do the things that
and as a teacher I do the things that
and as a teacher I do the things that you would probably expect a teacher
you would probably expect a teacher
you would probably expect a teacher doesn’t write I plant lessons I think
doesn’t write I plant lessons I think
doesn’t write I plant lessons I think about my kids stay up late I grate tons
about my kids stay up late I grate tons
about my kids stay up late I grate tons and tons of papers but I also do things
and tons of papers but I also do things
and tons of papers but I also do things that you might not know teachers do like
that you might not know teachers do like
that you might not know teachers do like get up in the middle of the night and
get up in the middle of the night and
get up in the middle of the night and worry about my students or remember all
worry about my students or remember all
worry about my students or remember all of their birthdays or do the work of
of their birthdays or do the work of
of their birthdays or do the work of teaching in the places that you might
teaching in the places that you might
teaching in the places that you might that you might not expect it right I
that you might not expect it right I
that you might not expect it right I teach in the margins of their papers I
teach in the margins of their papers I
teach in the margins of their papers I teach in the hallways in between classes
teach in the hallways in between classes
teach in the hallways in between classes I teach in the emails that they send me
I teach in the emails that they send me
I teach in the emails that they send me when they don’t quite understand their
when they don’t quite understand their
when they don’t quite understand their grade right in 2010 a group of my former
grade right in 2010 a group of my former
grade right in 2010 a group of my former students secretly got together and did
students secretly got together and did
students secretly got together and did this thing they nominated me for this
this thing they nominated me for this
this thing they nominated me for this award that for whatever reason came to
award that for whatever reason came to
award that for whatever reason came to fruition and so in 2010 I was named the
fruition and so in 2010 I was named the
fruition and so in 2010 I was named the National Teacher of the Year which meant
National Teacher of the Year which meant
National Teacher of the Year which meant I got to do some pretty cool things
I got to do some pretty cool things
I got to do some pretty cool things right like I got to go to the White
right like I got to go to the White
right like I got to go to the White House I got to give President Obama hug
House I got to give President Obama hug
House I got to give President Obama hug which I thought was pretty wonderful I
which I thought was pretty wonderful I
which I thought was pretty wonderful I got to give a speech in the Rose Garden
got to give a speech in the Rose Garden
got to give a speech in the Rose Garden I got to take my babies with me all of
I got to take my babies with me all of
I got to take my babies with me all of these things right which is you know it
these things right which is you know it
these things right which is you know it was was an amazing experience but I have
was was an amazing experience but I have
was was an amazing experience but I have to tell you there’s more to it than that
to tell you there’s more to it than that
to tell you there’s more to it than that during this year when I was plucked out
during this year when I was plucked out
during this year when I was plucked out of my classroom and spent the whole year
of my classroom and spent the whole year
of my classroom and spent the whole year traveling around the country and the
traveling around the country and the
traveling around the country and the world being an ambassador for education
world being an ambassador for education
world being an ambassador for education never once did I feel like I was the
never once did I feel like I was the
never once did I feel like I was the Bass’s never once did I feel like I had
Bass’s never once did I feel like I had
Bass’s never once did I feel like I had won anything or I was a queen of some
won anything or I was a queen of some
won anything or I was a queen of some pageant I always felt a lot more like a
pageant I always felt a lot more like a
pageant I always felt a lot more like a poet like my job was to have the right
poet like my job was to have the right
poet like my job was to have the right words at the right time all the time but
words at the right time all the time but
words at the right time all the time but of course there would be times when I
of course there would be times when I
of course there would be times when I couldn’t
couldn’t
couldn’t I remember this one afternoon it was
I remember this one afternoon it was
I remember this one afternoon it was early in the year and I was at a
early in the year and I was at a
early in the year and I was at a conference in this kind of distant
conference in this kind of distant
conference in this kind of distant colleague of mine came up to me and he
colleague of mine came up to me and he
colleague of mine came up to me and he kind of said in these hushed tones he’s
kind of said in these hushed tones he’s
kind of said in these hushed tones he’s been Sara I just got to tell ya I don’t
been Sara I just got to tell ya I don’t
been Sara I just got to tell ya I don’t know what happens for you after this
know what happens for you after this
know what happens for you after this like what happens now you’re at the top
like what happens now you’re at the top
like what happens now you’re at the top like what are you just gonna fall off
like what are you just gonna fall off
like what are you just gonna fall off like what you know what what happens
like what you know what what happens
like what you know what what happens after this what he didn’t understand
after this what he didn’t understand
after this what he didn’t understand what a lot of times we don’t understand
what a lot of times we don’t understand
what a lot of times we don’t understand about stories is that was the surface
about stories is that was the surface
about stories is that was the surface story that wasn’t the real story I’m
story that wasn’t the real story I’m
story that wasn’t the real story I’m here today to tell you the real story
here today to tell you the real story
here today to tell you the real story that starts a little similar to the
that starts a little similar to the
that starts a little similar to the first one I am a high school English
first one I am a high school English
first one I am a high school English teacher I’ve been teaching high school
teacher I’ve been teaching high school
teacher I’ve been teaching high school for 19 years but really I missed a story
for 19 years but really I missed a story
for 19 years but really I missed a story holder I collect them I take care of
holder I collect them I take care of
holder I collect them I take care of them and people tell me their stories
them and people tell me their stories
them and people tell me their stories the the kid in my classes adults
the the kid in my classes adults
the the kid in my classes adults children and more often than you would
children and more often than you would
children and more often than you would expect complete strangers tell me their
expect complete strangers tell me their
expect complete strangers tell me their stories story holding is an interesting
stories story holding is an interesting
stories story holding is an interesting business because if you want to be a
business because if you want to be a
business because if you want to be a story holder there are some things that
story holder there are some things that
story holder there are some things that you have to be willing to do the first
you have to be willing to do the first
you have to be willing to do the first thing is that you have to be willing to
thing is that you have to be willing to
thing is that you have to be willing to hold it the second thing is that you
hold it the second thing is that you
hold it the second thing is that you have to forgo judgment there’s no
have to forgo judgment there’s no
have to forgo judgment there’s no judgment when you hold people’s stories
judgment when you hold people’s stories
judgment when you hold people’s stories and you have to be willing to see what’s
and you have to be willing to see what’s
and you have to be willing to see what’s underneath but more importantly than
underneath but more importantly than
underneath but more importantly than anything when you are a story holder you
anything when you are a story holder you
anything when you are a story holder you have to change the question you ask
have to change the question you ask
have to change the question you ask instead of asking what did he do but you
instead of asking what did he do but you
instead of asking what did he do but you have to look at somebody and look them
have to look at somebody and look them
have to look at somebody and look them in the eye and really mean it when you
in the eye and really mean it when you
in the eye and really mean it when you say how are you
say how are you
say how are you really how are you that’s what it means
really how are you that’s what it means
really how are you that’s what it means to be
I’m gonna ask you to hold my story
I’m gonna ask you to hold my story for the next 15 minutes or so but like
for the next 15 minutes or so but like
for the next 15 minutes or so but like any good teacher I’m gonna give you some
any good teacher I’m gonna give you some
any good teacher I’m gonna give you some reasons why first or I haven’t tell you
reasons why first or I haven’t tell you
reasons why first or I haven’t tell you why we’re gonna do this so I am sure
why we’re gonna do this so I am sure
why we’re gonna do this so I am sure that you all if I asked you think of
that you all if I asked you think of
that you all if I asked you think of that teacher right you have if I just
that teacher right you have if I just
that teacher right you have if I just say that teacher the the face pops into
say that teacher the the face pops into
say that teacher the the face pops into your head
your head
your head right you can see this person the the
right you can see this person the the
right you can see this person the the one who is transformed it for you the
one who is transformed it for you the
one who is transformed it for you the one that made this huge difference for
one that made this huge difference for
one that made this huge difference for you one of those for me is pudding right
you one of those for me is pudding right
you one of those for me is pudding right here I’m sure just as quickly you can
here I’m sure just as quickly you can
here I’m sure just as quickly you can imagine the other teacher right the
imagine the other teacher right the
imagine the other teacher right the other one the other side of that
other one the other side of that
other one the other side of that spectrum I will tell you for all of the
spectrum I will tell you for all of the
spectrum I will tell you for all of the research that I could excite and the
research that I could excite and the
research that I could excite and the examples that I can give you I think we
examples that I can give you I think we
examples that I can give you I think we really end up with two kinds of teachers
really end up with two kinds of teachers
really end up with two kinds of teachers we end up with the kinds of teachers who
we end up with the kinds of teachers who
we end up with the kinds of teachers who want to give you answers and tell you
want to give you answers and tell you
want to give you answers and tell you how to do things and the kind who really
how to do things and the kind who really
how to do things and the kind who really want to teach and ask questions today I
want to teach and ask questions today I
want to teach and ask questions today I want to tell you a few things but more
want to tell you a few things but more
want to tell you a few things but more than that I’m gonna ask you some
than that I’m gonna ask you some
than that I’m gonna ask you some questions and how do we do this I want
questions and how do we do this I want
questions and how do we do this I want you to do what I do for my students when
you to do what I do for my students when
you to do what I do for my students when I hold their stories which is also work
I hold their stories which is also work
I hold their stories which is also work on reading my own you also need to be
on reading my own you also need to be
on reading my own you also need to be able to hold this story today because
able to hold this story today because
able to hold this story today because teaching is unique teaching is
teaching is unique teaching is
teaching is unique teaching is humanity’s profession which means you
humanity’s profession which means you
humanity’s profession which means you will inevitably be on either side of
will inevitably be on either side of
will inevitably be on either side of teaching you will be taught and you will
teaching you will be taught and you will
teaching you will be taught and you will teach right you might need a doctor
teach right you might need a doctor
teach right you might need a doctor someday but you won’t necessarily be one
someday but you won’t necessarily be one
someday but you won’t necessarily be one you will probably need art in your life
you will probably need art in your life
you will probably need art in your life but you won’t necessarily be an artist
but you won’t necessarily be an artist
but you won’t necessarily be an artist we’re all probably going to need a
we’re all probably going to need a
we’re all probably going to need a mechanic
mechanic
mechanic anyone but everybody teaches whether you
anyone but everybody teaches whether you
anyone but everybody teaches whether you mean to or not whether you realize it or
mean to or not whether you realize it or
mean to or not whether you realize it or not you can teach kindness or
not you can teach kindness or
not you can teach kindness or intolerance in the grocery store wine
intolerance in the grocery store wine
intolerance in the grocery store wine you can teach compassion or frustration
you can teach compassion or frustration
you can teach compassion or frustration at the dinner table everybody teaches
at the dinner table everybody teaches
at the dinner table everybody teaches which is not to say everybody does the
which is not to say everybody does the
which is not to say everybody does the complex deliberate work of teaching
complex deliberate work of teaching
complex deliberate work of teaching professionals right because this is
professionals right because this is
professionals right because this is really complex deliver at work I have
really complex deliver at work I have
really complex deliver at work I have money give you a little secret about it
money give you a little secret about it
money give you a little secret about it you want to know the hardest part about
you want to know the hardest part about
you want to know the hardest part about it is maybe the most important part
it is maybe the most important part
it is maybe the most important part it’s the absorption teachers absorb they
it’s the absorption teachers absorb they
it’s the absorption teachers absorb they absorb learning stories it’s why Tyler
absorb learning stories it’s why Tyler
absorb learning stories it’s why Tyler loves to read an original doesn’t it’s
loves to read an original doesn’t it’s
loves to read an original doesn’t it’s why Katie can write for days and Alyssa
why Katie can write for days and Alyssa
why Katie can write for days and Alyssa can hardly get a single word out right
can hardly get a single word out right
can hardly get a single word out right that’s that’s what teachers do they
that’s that’s what teachers do they
that’s that’s what teachers do they absorb all of those things so I have to
absorb all of those things so I have to
absorb all of those things so I have to tell you that as a teacher I had been
tell you that as a teacher I had been
tell you that as a teacher I had been conditioned to look for the smallest of
conditioned to look for the smallest of
conditioned to look for the smallest of things right so we’re gonna go back to
things right so we’re gonna go back to
things right so we’re gonna go back to high school English right I have been
high school English right I have been
high school English right I have been conditioned to look for the difference
conditioned to look for the difference
conditioned to look for the difference between like the common the semicolon
between like the common the semicolon
between like the common the semicolon why would the poet use the comment and
why would the poet use the comment and
why would the poet use the comment and not the semicolon right or you know why
not the semicolon right or you know why
not the semicolon right or you know why you know why these ducks on this pond in
you know why these ducks on this pond in
you know why these ducks on this pond in this chapter of this you know of this
this chapter of this you know of this
this chapter of this you know of this book I would look at the smallest of
book I would look at the smallest of
book I would look at the smallest of things and let me tell you my students
things and let me tell you my students
things and let me tell you my students and I we did some beautiful work when we
and I we did some beautiful work when we
and I we did some beautiful work when we looked at really small things we really
looked at really small things we really
looked at really small things we really did but the problem with looking at
did but the problem with looking at
did but the problem with looking at small things is that it precludes you
small things is that it precludes you
small things is that it precludes you from the most important questions right
from the most important questions right
from the most important questions right I wasn’t able to ask the most important
I wasn’t able to ask the most important
I wasn’t able to ask the most important questions
questions
questions and what I found out was I couldn’t ask
and what I found out was I couldn’t ask
and what I found out was I couldn’t ask those questions because I was too small
those questions because I was too small
those questions because I was too small outside of my classroom I felt whole in
outside of my classroom I felt whole in
outside of my classroom I felt whole in my classroom but outside of it it felt
my classroom but outside of it it felt
my classroom but outside of it it felt like this small little circle had been
like this small little circle had been
like this small little circle had been drawn around me and for some reason I
drawn around me and for some reason I
drawn around me and for some reason I obeyed it so 2010 happens right this
obeyed it so 2010 happens right this
obeyed it so 2010 happens right this year happens and then I returned to my
year happens and then I returned to my
year happens and then I returned to my classroom and let me tell you about my
classroom and let me tell you about my
classroom and let me tell you about my classroom it is where not a day is
classroom it is where not a day is
classroom it is where not a day is predictable except the first day right
predictable except the first day right
predictable except the first day right because on the first day I always know
because on the first day I always know
because on the first day I always know what happens they come in I take
what happens they come in I take
what happens they come in I take attendance you push the deaths to the
attendance you push the deaths to the
attendance you push the deaths to the side we stood in a circle on the floor I
side we stood in a circle on the floor I
side we stood in a circle on the floor I turn off the lights a little bit i light
turn off the lights a little bit i light
turn off the lights a little bit i light a candle they look at me they get a
a candle they look at me they get a
a candle they look at me they get a little freaked out I tell them it’s
little freaked out I tell them it’s
little freaked out I tell them it’s gonna be okay I hand them a copy of
gonna be okay I hand them a copy of
gonna be okay I hand them a copy of Plato’s allegory of the cave and I give
Plato’s allegory of the cave and I give
Plato’s allegory of the cave and I give them one question can you tell me by the
them one question can you tell me by the
them one question can you tell me by the end of today what this class is all
end of today what this class is all
end of today what this class is all about when we sit there and we read and
about when we sit there and we read and
about when we sit there and we read and we talk I don’t give them a syllabus I
we talk I don’t give them a syllabus I
we talk I don’t give them a syllabus I don’t tell them about the rules
don’t tell them about the rules
don’t tell them about the rules I let them think so I’m doing this right
I let them think so I’m doing this right
I let them think so I’m doing this right so here today’s august 15th 2011 the day
so here today’s august 15th 2011 the day
so here today’s august 15th 2011 the day that’s supposed to be really predictable
that’s supposed to be really predictable
that’s supposed to be really predictable i’ve done this ten times twelve times i
i’ve done this ten times twelve times i
i’ve done this ten times twelve times i don’t know all of a sudden I’m reading
don’t know all of a sudden I’m reading
don’t know all of a sudden I’m reading this aspect you may be still a review of
this aspect you may be still a review of
this aspect you may be still a review of a thing if you don’t know about Plato’s
a thing if you don’t know about Plato’s
a thing if you don’t know about Plato’s out this would be important if you don’t
out this would be important if you don’t
out this would be important if you don’t know about Plato’s allegory of the cave
know about Plato’s allegory of the cave
know about Plato’s allegory of the cave it’s this wonderful metaphor about these
it’s this wonderful metaphor about these
it’s this wonderful metaphor about these people who live in spite of this cave
people who live in spite of this cave
people who live in spite of this cave there were these prisoners who’ve been
there were these prisoners who’ve been
there were these prisoners who’ve been chained in there their entire lives all
chained in there their entire lives all
chained in there their entire lives all these thing are these shadows across the
these thing are these shadows across the
these thing are these shadows across the wall on the other side but they think
wall on the other side but they think
wall on the other side but they think they’re real because they’ve never seen
they’re real because they’ve never seen
they’re real because they’ve never seen anything but shadows until eventually
anything but shadows until eventually
anything but shadows until eventually one of the prisoners is released goes
one of the prisoners is released goes
one of the prisoners is released goes into the lights that hey those are
into the lights that hey those are
into the lights that hey those are shadows this is light this is the real
shadows this is light this is the real
shadows this is light this is the real thing out here comes back in they don’t
thing out here comes back in they don’t
thing out here comes back in they don’t want to believe them right and all
want to believe them right and all
want to believe them right and all pain and agony ensues so I’m reading
pain and agony ensues so I’m reading
pain and agony ensues so I’m reading this and the words start to get caught
this and the words start to get caught
this and the words start to get caught in my throat a little bit and I can’t I
in my throat a little bit and I can’t I
in my throat a little bit and I can’t I can kind of barely get through it so I
can kind of barely get through it so I
can kind of barely get through it so I do I get the kids out the door
do I get the kids out the door
do I get the kids out the door I’d go to my desk in the back corner of
I’d go to my desk in the back corner of
I’d go to my desk in the back corner of the room they turn out the light and I
the room they turn out the light and I
the room they turn out the light and I stood there and I saw him because I
stood there and I saw him because I
stood there and I saw him because I realized this story was turning on me
realized this story was turning on me
realized this story was turning on me this FA was my story suddenly I had been
this FA was my story suddenly I had been
this FA was my story suddenly I had been in a cave and then I was out of it and
in a cave and then I was out of it and
in a cave and then I was out of it and now I was back in it and somehow that
now I was back in it and somehow that
now I was back in it and somehow that afternoon I knew that I was going to
afternoon I knew that I was going to
afternoon I knew that I was going to lose some of my best colleague friends I
lose some of my best colleague friends I
lose some of my best colleague friends I knew that the toughest work was ahead of
knew that the toughest work was ahead of
knew that the toughest work was ahead of me on some visceral level I knew that
me on some visceral level I knew that
me on some visceral level I knew that there was a good chance my marriage was
there was a good chance my marriage was
there was a good chance my marriage was not going to make it and I did what any
not going to make it and I did what any
not going to make it and I did what any resistant learner does I wiped the tears
resistant learner does I wiped the tears
resistant learner does I wiped the tears off my face I put a smile on instead and
off my face I put a smile on instead and
off my face I put a smile on instead and went home
went home
went home I made dinner I put my babies to bed
I made dinner I put my babies to bed
I made dinner I put my babies to bed I planned a lesson for the next day and
I planned a lesson for the next day and
I planned a lesson for the next day and I carried on here’s the thing this
I carried on here’s the thing this
I carried on here’s the thing this didn’t happen to me just once right
didn’t happen to me just once right
didn’t happen to me just once right this kept happening to me over and over
this kept happening to me over and over
this kept happening to me over and over again and this question that teachers
again and this question that teachers
again and this question that teachers have to wrestle with but rarely talk
have to wrestle with but rarely talk
have to wrestle with but rarely talk about started appearing for me what
about started appearing for me what
about started appearing for me what happens when we are supposed to be
happens when we are supposed to be
happens when we are supposed to be superheroes but we really just feel
superheroes but we really just feel
superheroes but we really just feel superhuman how do you teach in that
superhuman how do you teach in that
superhuman how do you teach in that moment how do you teach when your life’s
moment how do you teach when your life’s
moment how do you teach when your life’s work is to give and you are suddenly
work is to give and you are suddenly
work is to give and you are suddenly empty
I found that it was the literature that
I found that it was the literature that somehow gave me these answers by asking
somehow gave me these answers by asking
somehow gave me these answers by asking really good questions right so literally
really good questions right so literally
really good questions right so literally it’s like tea bag with them right that
it’s like tea bag with them right that
it’s like tea bag with them right that the lessons we most need to learn keep
the lessons we most need to learn keep
the lessons we most need to learn keep showing up for us over and over again
showing up for us over and over again
showing up for us over and over again until we’re willing to learn them and
until we’re willing to learn them and
until we’re willing to learn them and that’s what happened so just I don’t
that’s what happened so just I don’t
that’s what happened so just I don’t know so this happened in August right so
know so this happened in August right so
know so this happened in August right so then just a couple months later we’re
then just a couple months later we’re
then just a couple months later we’re reading this poem it’s called the love
reading this poem it’s called the love
reading this poem it’s called the love song of jail for prufrock which sounds
song of jail for prufrock which sounds
song of jail for prufrock which sounds lovely but there was really no love song
lovely but there was really no love song
lovely but there was really no love song at all it’s horribly ironic and its
at all it’s horribly ironic and its
at all it’s horribly ironic and its really this horribly sad depressing poem
really this horribly sad depressing poem
really this horribly sad depressing poem about this businessman who’s really
about this businessman who’s really
about this businessman who’s really lonely and he kind of trades his
lonely and he kind of trades his
lonely and he kind of trades his authentic real life for this life of
authentic real life for this life of
authentic real life for this life of security and so as we are reading this
security and so as we are reading this
security and so as we are reading this poem there’s a line that we always go
poem there’s a line that we always go
poem there’s a line that we always go back to we just thought we’d always
back to we just thought we’d always
back to we just thought we’d always unpack it and figure out how it
unpack it and figure out how it
unpack it and figure out how it connected to all the small things do I
connected to all the small things do I
connected to all the small things do I force the moment to its crisis do I
force the moment to its crisis do I
force the moment to its crisis do I force the moment we said this we talked
force the moment we said this we talked
force the moment we said this we talked about it and as I’m saying it I realized
about it and as I’m saying it I realized
about it and as I’m saying it I realized Prufrock is talking to me he’s saying to
Prufrock is talking to me he’s saying to
Prufrock is talking to me he’s saying to me do you have the strength to force the
me do you have the strength to force the
me do you have the strength to force the moment to its crisis because really what
moment to its crisis because really what
moment to its crisis because really what this question is about is this question
this question is about is this question
this question is about is this question is about space courage and crisis is
is about space courage and crisis is
is about space courage and crisis is about spaces it’s about the space from
about spaces it’s about the space from
about spaces it’s about the space from anywhere you are to anywhere you want to
anywhere you are to anywhere you want to
anywhere you are to anywhere you want to be it’s the space between security and
be it’s the space between security and
be it’s the space between security and possibility and this is where teachers
possibility and this is where teachers
possibility and this is where teachers live teachers live in gaps and cracked
live teachers live in gaps and cracked
live teachers live in gaps and cracked faces and fear because if we live in
faces and fear because if we live in
faces and fear because if we live in spaces of right and wrong it’s very easy
spaces of right and wrong it’s very easy
spaces of right and wrong it’s very easy to get stuck in either one of those
to get stuck in either one of those
to get stuck in either one of those boxes there’s no reason to struggle
boxes there’s no reason to struggle
boxes there’s no reason to struggle there’s no reason to cross the swamp we
there’s no reason to cross the swamp we
there’s no reason to cross the swamp we don’t learn if we’re comfortable we
don’t learn if we’re comfortable we
don’t learn if we’re comfortable we don’t change unless we have to
so I made a promise to it to jail for
so I made a promise to it to jail for prufrock I said okay I will pay
prufrock I said okay I will pay
prufrock I said okay I will pay attention I’m not going to do anything
attention I’m not going to do anything
attention I’m not going to do anything about this but I will start to pay
about this but I will start to pay
about this but I will start to pay attention so I did speed ahead several
attention so I did speed ahead several
attention so I did speed ahead several months later and with my sophomores were
months later and with my sophomores were
months later and with my sophomores were reading this wonderful book called The
reading this wonderful book called The
reading this wonderful book called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and it begins
Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and it begins
Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and it begins with this beautiful premise that we all
with this beautiful premise that we all
with this beautiful premise that we all have a personal legend and the people
have a personal legend and the people
have a personal legend and the people who truly love us want it for us and you
who truly love us want it for us and you
who truly love us want it for us and you know it’s this wonderful idea that if we
know it’s this wonderful idea that if we
know it’s this wonderful idea that if we really love someone we let them go we
really love someone we let them go we
really love someone we let them go we let them go to go answer their biggest
let them go to go answer their biggest
let them go to go answer their biggest questions all on their own but here’s
questions all on their own but here’s
questions all on their own but here’s the thing about jail for Prufrock he
the thing about jail for Prufrock he
the thing about jail for Prufrock he also has this premise this really
also has this premise this really
also has this premise this really heartbreaking premise that excuse me
heartbreaking premise that excuse me
heartbreaking premise that excuse me Paulo Coelho has this really
Paulo Coelho has this really
Paulo Coelho has this really heartbreaking premise that when people
heartbreaking premise that when people
heartbreaking premise that when people get really close to what he calls a
get really close to what he calls a
get really close to what he calls a personal legend they don’t take it they
personal legend they don’t take it they
personal legend they don’t take it they can see it they can feel it they can
can see it they can feel it they can
can see it they can feel it they can touch it
touch it
touch it they can hear it and they don’t take it
they can hear it and they don’t take it
they can hear it and they don’t take it and it’s because they don’t think they
and it’s because they don’t think they
and it’s because they don’t think they deserve it I read this paragraph over
deserve it I read this paragraph over
deserve it I read this paragraph over and over again I read that question do
and over again I read that question do
and over again I read that question do you believe you deserve it you believe
you believe you deserve it you believe
you believe you deserve it you believe you deserve it do you believe you
you deserve it do you believe you
you deserve it do you believe you deserve it
deserve it
deserve it you believe you deserve it do you
you believe you deserve it do you
you believe you deserve it do you believe you did there it until it
believe you did there it until it
believe you did there it until it finally became do you believe you
finally became do you believe you
finally became do you believe you deserve your best life that was the
deserve your best life that was the
deserve your best life that was the question he asked nine months later
question he asked nine months later
question he asked nine months later we’re reading and well this is why it’s
we’re reading and well this is why it’s
we’re reading and well this is why it’s a really tough question to ask right
a really tough question to ask right
a really tough question to ask right it’s a really tough question to ask if
it’s a really tough question to ask if
it’s a really tough question to ask if you deserve your best life when you have
you deserve your best life when you have
you deserve your best life when you have three children and a mortgage and a name
three children and a mortgage and a name
three children and a mortgage and a name and an image and what seems like
and an image and what seems like
and an image and what seems like everything to lose nine months later I
everything to lose nine months later I
everything to lose nine months later I had to put my scared toes on the ledge
had to put my scared toes on the ledge
had to put my scared toes on the ledge right put on the ledge of my marriage in
right put on the ledge of my marriage in
right put on the ledge of my marriage in you know what I did at that moment you
you know what I did at that moment you
you know what I did at that moment you know I called from a bathroom stall I
know I called from a bathroom stall I
know I called from a bathroom stall I called a teacher I relied on the teacher
called a teacher I relied on the teacher
called a teacher I relied on the teacher and from her hospital bed this is what
and from her hospital bed this is what
and from her hospital bed this is what she said to me she said you can do what
she said to me she said you can do what
she said to me she said you can do what you must as loud as that question was in
you must as loud as that question was in
you must as loud as that question was in my head do you deserve your best life
my head do you deserve your best life
my head do you deserve your best life her answer was right there you can do
her answer was right there you can do
her answer was right there you can do what you must we read The Glass
what you must we read The Glass
what you must we read The Glass Menagerie this wonderful play about
Menagerie this wonderful play about
Menagerie this wonderful play about these three characters who are stuck in
these three characters who are stuck in
these three characters who are stuck in this horrible situation a mother stuck
this horrible situation a mother stuck
this horrible situation a mother stuck in the past a daughter paralyzed by her
in the past a daughter paralyzed by her
in the past a daughter paralyzed by her fear a son who’s got to get out the end
fear a son who’s got to get out the end
fear a son who’s got to get out the end of the play dastan finally leaves he
of the play dastan finally leaves he
of the play dastan finally leaves he leaves the family I’m sitting in class
leaves the family I’m sitting in class
leaves the family I’m sitting in class for having this conversation or having
for having this conversation or having
for having this conversation or having the discussion we usually have and
the discussion we usually have and
the discussion we usually have and Olivia slams her hand down on the
Olivia slams her hand down on the
Olivia slams her hand down on the on her desk and says who does this Tom
on her desk and says who does this Tom
on her desk and says who does this Tom think he is what does he think he’s
think he is what does he think he’s
think he is what does he think he’s doing how selfish could somebody
doing how selfish could somebody
doing how selfish could somebody possibly be and in this moment I’ve got
possibly be and in this moment I’ve got
possibly be and in this moment I’ve got one I have one of these teacher moments
one I have one of these teacher moments
one I have one of these teacher moments right because I also have had to ask
right because I also have had to ask
right because I also have had to ask myself these questions the kids don’t
myself these questions the kids don’t
myself these questions the kids don’t know this is going on in my personal
know this is going on in my personal
know this is going on in my personal life but I know that I have had to
life but I know that I have had to
life but I know that I have had to confront the same things that Tom had to
confront the same things that Tom had to
confront the same things that Tom had to confront and in doing that I really had
confront and in doing that I really had
confront and in doing that I really had to ask a different question I had I got
to ask a different question I had I got
to ask a different question I had I got to do what teachers get to do when you
to do what teachers get to do when you
to do what teachers get to do when you start to earn empathy I got to ask a
start to earn empathy I got to ask a
start to earn empathy I got to ask a better question I asked Olivia I said
better question I asked Olivia I said
better question I asked Olivia I said well what if Tom was actually saving all
well what if Tom was actually saving all
well what if Tom was actually saving all of them by leaving is it better
of them by leaving is it better
of them by leaving is it better would it wouldn’t I wouldn’t it have
would it wouldn’t I wouldn’t it have
would it wouldn’t I wouldn’t it have been better or easier to just stay and
been better or easier to just stay and
been better or easier to just stay and live a half life we had a discussion at
live a half life we had a discussion at
live a half life we had a discussion at the class that didn’t reduce characters
the class that didn’t reduce characters
the class that didn’t reduce characters and didn’t and didn’t talk about
and didn’t and didn’t talk about
and didn’t and didn’t talk about judgment instead we opened up to the
judgment instead we opened up to the
judgment instead we opened up to the possibility almost a year later I’m
possibility almost a year later I’m
possibility almost a year later I’m reading The Great Gatsby with my kids so
reading The Great Gatsby with my kids so
reading The Great Gatsby with my kids so I got this thing I don’t know do you
I got this thing I don’t know do you
I got this thing I don’t know do you have the thing with your family where
have the thing with your family where
have the thing with your family where you can say mean things about your
you can say mean things about your
you can say mean things about your family but nobody else can all right so
family but nobody else can all right so
family but nobody else can all right so I kind of have that Penguin Books and
I kind of have that Penguin Books and
I kind of have that Penguin Books and Great Gatsby was one of those books for
Great Gatsby was one of those books for
Great Gatsby was one of those books for me right where I was a little a lot
me right where I was a little a lot
me right where I was a little a lot tough on The Great Gatsby Daisy was
tough on The Great Gatsby Daisy was
tough on The Great Gatsby Daisy was pretty pretty wisps be Nick was pretty
pretty pretty wisps be Nick was pretty
pretty pretty wisps be Nick was pretty entitled and whiny Gatsby was just
entitled and whiny Gatsby was just
entitled and whiny Gatsby was just really melodramatic but these were the
really melodramatic but these were the
really melodramatic but these were the ones that seemed to come after me the
ones that seemed to come after me the
ones that seemed to come after me the most so we are reading The Great Gatsby
most so we are reading The Great Gatsby
most so we are reading The Great Gatsby and I have this new approach though
and I have this new approach though
and I have this new approach though right I have this new approach because
right I have this new approach because
right I have this new approach because this has been happening over it’s been
this has been happening over it’s been
this has been happening over it’s been like champagne in my face every day you
like champagne in my face every day you
like champagne in my face every day you know like all these things what we’re
know like all these things what we’re
know like all these things what we’re reading or just like splashing me in the
reading or just like splashing me in the
reading or just like splashing me in the face and so we’re we didn’t have to be
face and so we’re we didn’t have to be
face and so we’re we didn’t have to be and I and I think what is this book
and I and I think what is this book
and I and I think what is this book really about I think it’s about
really about I think it’s about
really about I think it’s about narrative what happens if we can
narrative what happens if we can
narrative what happens if we can read the stories that we have in front
read the stories that we have in front
read the stories that we have in front of us so that’s actually what I did I
of us so that’s actually what I did I
of us so that’s actually what I did I took a copy of The Great Gatsby and I
took a copy of The Great Gatsby and I
took a copy of The Great Gatsby and I took the words and I tried to reread
took the words and I tried to reread
took the words and I tried to reread them I turned Great Gatsby into a
them I turned Great Gatsby into a
them I turned Great Gatsby into a collection of found poems and when I got
collection of found poems and when I got
collection of found poems and when I got to the last page I knew this was going
to the last page I knew this was going
to the last page I knew this was going to be a hard page for me before I
to be a hard page for me before I
to be a hard page for me before I started I got to this paragraph that’s
started I got to this paragraph that’s
started I got to this paragraph that’s we believed in the green light the
we believed in the green light the
we believed in the green light the orgastic future that year by year
orgastic future that year by year
orgastic future that year by year recedes before us it diluted us then but
recedes before us it diluted us then but
recedes before us it diluted us then but that’s no matter
that’s no matter
that’s no matter tomorrow we will run faster stretch out
tomorrow we will run faster stretch out
tomorrow we will run faster stretch out our arms farther and one fine morning so
our arms farther and one fine morning so
our arms farther and one fine morning so we beat on boats against the current
we beat on boats against the current
we beat on boats against the current towards ceaselessly back into the past I
towards ceaselessly back into the past I
towards ceaselessly back into the past I didn’t know how to reconcile the past in
didn’t know how to reconcile the past in
didn’t know how to reconcile the past in the future I took to this last page to
the future I took to this last page to
the future I took to this last page to do it and this is what I came up with
do it and this is what I came up with
do it and this is what I came up with and as the moon rose higher the
and as the moon rose higher the
and as the moon rose higher the inessential began to melt away until I
inessential began to melt away until I
inessential began to melt away until I became aware of presence and believed it
there are some lessons I needed to learn
there are some lessons I needed to learn the universe is not outside us it is
the universe is not outside us it is
the universe is not outside us it is within us it is wide
within us it is wide
within us it is wide we must see the thing we fear it is why
we must see the thing we fear it is why
we must see the thing we fear it is why we need stories so that we do not get
we need stories so that we do not get
we need stories so that we do not get caught in the vortex of our own the
caught in the vortex of our own the
caught in the vortex of our own the lesson I didn’t want to learn was that I
lesson I didn’t want to learn was that I
lesson I didn’t want to learn was that I had to crawl out of my cave to get
had to crawl out of my cave to get
had to crawl out of my cave to get closer to the teacher my students
closer to the teacher my students
closer to the teacher my students deserve they did not deserve a National
deserve they did not deserve a National
deserve they did not deserve a National Teacher of the Year they deserved a
Teacher of the Year they deserved a
Teacher of the Year they deserved a teacher who understood but the best way
teacher who understood but the best way
teacher who understood but the best way to teach humans is to be one I tell them
to teach humans is to be one I tell them
to teach humans is to be one I tell them that stories and literature should
that stories and literature should
that stories and literature should change them
change them
change them and I think that they should when we
and I think that they should when we
and I think that they should when we look at the smallness and can get time
look at the smallness and can get time
look at the smallness and can get time with that suddenly we can see the
with that suddenly we can see the
with that suddenly we can see the vastness
when we hold stories in the end we teach
when we hold stories in the end we teach wisdom thank you for holding mine I hope
wisdom thank you for holding mine I hope
wisdom thank you for holding mine I hope he will risk letting someone hold yours
he will risk letting someone hold yours
he will risk letting someone hold yours so that others may
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