Welcome, everybody. My name is Stuart.
I’m 22 years old, I’m a senior here at Drake University,
and I like pizza.
I was born Illinois. My boyfriend was born in India.
He lives in Ohio. I live here in Iowa.
I like birthday cake.
What else? Oh, I want to be on Broadway someday.
And I want kids.
Now, which of these is more important?
It’s kind of ridiculous to think about, right?
I mean, everybody has dreams that they want to do,
everybody can be born somewhere, everybody can live somewhere,
everybody can eat what they want, everybody has dreams.
But I don’t get all those dreams,
at least not 100% money-back guaranteed,
and it’s because of one of those things I told you.
It’s because I’m gay.
I know, some one of you might be thinking, “Oh no, Stuart,
you’re so comfortable with your sexuality!
You’ve got plenty of friends, you’ve got so much support!
You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
Yeah, I do.
I came out when I was 16, I was a sophomore in high school,
and I had told my mom, I had told my two older sisters,
and I’d told a couple of close friends,
and then I got really tired,
I got really tired of hiding, and worrying, and being sheepish,
and shy, and quiet, and things that I obviously am not.
So, I did what any other angsty teen in the early 2010s would do.
I posted on Facebook, “I’m gay, big deal.”
(Laughter)
Well, a little while after that, I was a sophomore in high school
and I went to a religious retreat at my school,
and we did an exercise where we stood on either sides of the rooms,
and it was like, “Walk to the other side if you’ve ever been bullied.”
“Now, walk to the other side if you’ve ever felt self-conscious.”
Everybody goes over –
“Walk to the other side if you’ve ever felt depression.”
“Walk to the other side if you’ve ever lost a loved one.” Back and forth.
Afterwards, we had a forum where we all talked and shared ideas and stuff,
and our guidance counselor running it said,
“Does anybody have anything they want to get off their chest
or share with the group?”
And I did what I’m doing right now.
I got up in front of half my sophomore class,
and some juniors who were running the retreat,
and some faculty who were helping run the retreat,
and my knees were shaking, and I told everyone over a microphone,
“I’m gay. I’m a homosexual male.
I am still myself, I’m still Stuart,
and my family supports me, my friends are really nice,
and that’s that.”
Instant applause.
And that was shocking to me, that was really a strange concept to me,
and will tell you why.
It’s because I didn’t fill you in on my high school yet.
I went to an all-boys Catholic academy of 550 students,
not my class in the school,
run by Benedictine monks who lived on our campus in an abbey.
Oh, and 80% of the student body was in Army JROTC Program,
including myself.
And I got instant applause. Like, they supported me so much!
I had guys who didn’t even talk to me in school walk up and say,
“I’ve got your back. Do you need anything at all? You let me know.”
That kind of reaction felt awesome,
and I wish I could have that kind of reaction with the rest of the world.
Because take me for example:
after I graduate from college, I’m going to go into the world of theater,
but, when I’m not working at a theater company,
I plan on living in Ohio with my boyfriend.
Right there, two problems.
I’m going to need a part-time job, I’m going to need a temp job maybe,
until I get my next big break on stage.
In 22 states, and some counties,
I’m protected,
but, in 17, it’s perfectly legal to fire me because I’m gay.
Perfectly legal.
There is no federal-level law that says
that I am protected against workplace discrimination.
It says, “Creed, race, color, age, sex, disability.”
There’s nothing in there about sexual orientation or gender identity.
Some states have it.
My home state of Illinois, thank God, does have it.
Some states do not,
and the government hasn’t said anything about it.
My second problem that I have is there is no federal guarantee
that I can have housing.
I can go and ask for a lease at an apartment building
and the landlord can look me in the face an say,
“I don’t want faggots living in my building.”
And that’s allowed. There’s no federal law that says that.
Now, there are again 22 states that have protections on this,
some cities, some counties,
but nothing about the entire country.
Nothing is stated there yet.
And these issues run through just more than housing or workplace development.
I mean, the FDA has a ban on my blood, and organs, and tissue.
I’m a gay man. I’m also O negative.
I’m a universal donor, I give to anyone.
If any one of you needed a blood transfusion at this minute,
I could give you a blood transfusion, it would take to your body.
I can give to anyone.
The FDA has ban on man who have sex with another man in the past year,
from donating blood, tissue, or organs.
Even though I practice a sexual activity,
even though I’m in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend,
and even though I go for regular health testing every semester
and always have come back with negative test results,
the government and the FDA haven’t really said that I’m a safe person,
out of a fear of HIV-AIDS or other STIs promulgated amongst the LGBT community.
These issues run far deeper than anyone can really think of.
Conversion therapy is only banned in six states,
and the District of Columbia.
Some cities, some counties as well.
But six states it’s banned in, six.
And that is only conversion therapy in regards to minors.
There’s nothing on the idea of someone once they reach the age of 18.
Past that, just an open game for everyone.
These issues also include stuff such as housing, as working,
the FDA ban, conversion therapy –
My overall, ultimate, favorite ideas
are the Michigan Religious Freedom Restoration Act,
which is trying to be passed right now in the state of Michigan.
It has come into some scrutiny, gotten some news coverage about it,
and it states that an emergency medical technician,
an EMT, and ambulance driver,
or somebody working in the back of an ambulance
can deny me help, if they so choose.
I can be hurt in a car accident, I can fall out a window,
I could get assaulted on the street,
and, if an ambulance is called, they can easily say,
“I don’t agree with your lifestyle. I don’t feel like helping you,”
and my life is put at risk.
They cannot do their job of saving a human life if they don’t want to,
purely because of who I’m in love with.
My other favorite idea is the gay or trans panic defense,
which is a legal defense that has only been outlawed in California, I believe.
And it states that, if somebody assaults,
hurts, kills, shoots a gay or trans person
and claims, “Oh, it was out of panic.
It was out of sheer panic because of them being gay or trans,”
in this court of law,
they can be defended by that.
And one state has banned it.
Even the idea of hate crimes:
there are still only a fraction of states
that include sexual identity under their hate crime protection laws,
and there’s even fewer for gender identity.
And that fear is very real in America,
and I know, I have felt this personally.
There was a weekend,
I believe it was at the end of my junior semester last year,
that my boyfriend came to Des Moines and came to visit me.
There was a theater party I went to,
and then I was going to meet him downtown, in Des Moines,
to go to some of the bars downtown.
So, I went, we met up. We went to one of the local gay bars.
We had a lot of fun, we danced, we laughed with friends,
we just felt very comfortable.
We felt like we were at home and we were safe.
And then, we decided to walk over to Fong’s Pizza,
because it’s open late and it’s really, really good.
We decided to go walking to Fong’s.
We were walking along Court Avenue, we get to the Court Avenue bridge,
and he’s holding my hand, which I was so happy about, you know.
It’s a sign of affection, I was in love, I was super happy.
I had had a couple drinks in me,
I was very excited, I was holding his hand, and it was great.
And a couple of construction workers started walking towards us,
and they got closer, and they got closer, and I kept thinking in my head,
“Oh no, what’s going to happen? Are they going to say something?”
I was waiting for a remark, I was waiting for someone to spit at me,
I was waiting for the slurs, I was waiting for anything.
I knew something was going to happen.
And I had to think, “Am I going to say something sassy back at them?
Or am I going to just keep walking and just not say anything?
Or would that make me a coward? Or would I let go of his hand?”
And we got closer, and we got closer, and I had gotten so worried,
and I just kept walking straight forward.
All of a sudden one of the construction workers turns, looks at us, and says,
“You two are a really cute couple.”
“Oh, thank you.”
(Chuckles)
You know, we had been noticed, and we had been affirmed,
and we had been accepted by two complete strangers
who I’m sure were listening to country music all the way home.
I was really worried, and they were totally fine.
The same thing happened even further along on the walk.
We got at the heart of Court Avenue,
and it was right around when bar closers were getting out,
so everybody was flooding the streets.
They were all trying to call taxis, get their rides home.
And it takes that one person who’s had one too many drinks,
or that guy who’s out with his bros for the evening
and wants to impress someone –
And I knew, “This is going to be a dangerous place for us to walk through,”
and we’re still holding hands, and it was nice,
but I don’t know if everybody else is going to feel the same way
as the construction workers.”
We’re walking, and we’re walking,
and we’re getting worried, and I’m dodging people,
and then I hear a girl turn and look at us and go,
“You two look so cute together! …”
“Thank you! …”
(Laughter)
Again, we had been noticed, we had been affirmed,
we had been so accepted, and I’m so happy about that.
And then I thought, I was like, you know,
“Wow, I’m living in this day and age when it’s supposed to be so good
for LGBT people in the world.
We’re supposed to be able to go home to our white-picket fences,
and sit at home, eat a nice dinner, watch Rupaul’s Drag Race,
until the next morning, when we ha e to go to brunch.”
(Chuckles)
And that’s not true!
We still are in a day and an age
where LGBT people do not have their full accessible rights.
I was overjoyed in 2015 when Marriage Equality was passed.
I was besides myself,
and it was all because of this huge work of Edith Windsor.
She married her wife Thea Spyer in Canada,
and went back to New York, their home state.
And they lived together,
and it was perfectly legal for two women to be married
in New York at the time.
When Thea passed away,
Edith tried to claim her estate, as couples are allowed to do in America,
but, because there was no federal guarantee
of their marriage being legal and recognized,
she had to pay over $ 353,000 in federal estate taxes.
And she did, and then she went to court,
and she sued the United States because of this injustice.
It took a while, but she did win, and in 2015 Marriage Equality passed.
And everybody in the world went crazy,
and then the world went silent.
And everybody thought, you know, “You can get married now.
You’re good, right? You can have all the benefits.
You know, I guess you can even get your spouse’s workplace benefits.
I don’t know, you’re good!”
We weren’t. We aren’t.
I still can get kicked out of housing, I can still be fired from a job,
I can still be harassed on the street and I can’t file a lawsuit against them
because that state won’t recognize that that was a target of a hate crime.
There are plenty of rights that are still being abused in the United States.
Notice that I’m up here as a cisgendered white male,
who’s very comfortable identifying as a male.
Once you delve into the trans community, there are even more injustices.
Once you delve into the persons of color community,
there are even more injustices.
This community and this dialogue still need to fight. We are not done.
2015 was a beautiful year, we got marriage equality,
we got what we needed,
and it wasn’t an end; that was our beginning.
All the way back to Stonewall, I stand by it.
We still have a continuous fight to go,
and I hope that, in the steps of our pride march,
we will have allies and friends, just as all of you will be,
walking alongside us.
Thank you.
(Applause)
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