what defines you each and every single person in this room because this is
person in this room because this is
person in this room because this is their own individual identity now I want
their own individual identity now I want
their own individual identity now I want all of you to take a moment close your
all of you to take a moment close your
all of you to take a moment close your eyes and think be as honest and as
eyes and think be as honest and as
eyes and think be as honest and as candid with yourself as you possibly can
candid with yourself as you possibly can
candid with yourself as you possibly can and I will ask what defines your
and I will ask what defines your
and I will ask what defines your identity how much control do you have
identity how much control do you have
identity how much control do you have over your identity we all have a vision
over your identity we all have a vision
over your identity we all have a vision for ourselves who do you want to be
for ourselves who do you want to be
for ourselves who do you want to be are you living as your best self if not
are you living as your best self if not
are you living as your best self if not how will you get there you may open your
how will you get there you may open your
how will you get there you may open your eyes now I want you to keep those
eyes now I want you to keep those
eyes now I want you to keep those thoughts running through your mind
thoughts running through your mind
thoughts running through your mind throughout the rest of my talk now I’m
throughout the rest of my talk now I’m
throughout the rest of my talk now I’m going to tell you about a few people I
going to tell you about a few people I
going to tell you about a few people I know so I want you guys to all think of
know so I want you guys to all think of
know so I want you guys to all think of the one person we know who is constantly
the one person we know who is constantly
the one person we know who is constantly overachieving the person who does
overachieving the person who does
overachieving the person who does everything and manages to do it all with
everything and manages to do it all with
everything and manages to do it all with seamless perfection now I knew a person
seamless perfection now I knew a person
seamless perfection now I knew a person like this too let’s call her Alex and
like this too let’s call her Alex and
like this too let’s call her Alex and Alex’s life was pretty normal until her
Alex’s life was pretty normal until her
Alex’s life was pretty normal until her freshman year of high school an early
freshman year of high school an early
freshman year of high school an early fall after several misdiagnosis she was
fall after several misdiagnosis she was
fall after several misdiagnosis she was diagnosed with a chronic genetic
diagnosed with a chronic genetic
diagnosed with a chronic genetic disorder called cystic fibrosis CF
disorder called cystic fibrosis CF
disorder called cystic fibrosis CF disables the body’s ability to transfer
disables the body’s ability to transfer
disables the body’s ability to transfer chloride in and out of cells
chloride in and out of cells
chloride in and out of cells this results in excessive amounts of
this results in excessive amounts of
this results in excessive amounts of concentrated mucus in several
concentrated mucus in several
concentrated mucus in several passageways in the body we’re talking
passageways in the body we’re talking
passageways in the body we’re talking about lethal complications in both the
about lethal complications in both the
about lethal complications in both the respiratory system and the digestive
respiratory system and the digestive
respiratory system and the digestive tract now since cystic fibrosis is a
tract now since cystic fibrosis is a
tract now since cystic fibrosis is a hereditary disorder it points to the
hereditary disorder it points to the
hereditary disorder it points to the generalization of diagnosis at or soon
generalization of diagnosis at or soon
generalization of diagnosis at or soon after birth
after birth
after birth however for Alex this was not the case
however for Alex this was not the case
however for Alex this was not the case she after 14 years of living a
she after 14 years of living a
she after 14 years of living a completely asymptomatic life her life
completely asymptomatic life her life
completely asymptomatic life her life did a 180 now I want you to go back to
did a 180 now I want you to go back to
did a 180 now I want you to go back to that overachiever from before think
that overachiever from before think
that overachiever from before think about them and how they would feel per
about them and how they would feel per
about them and how they would feel per se losing a loved one the feelings of
se losing a loved one the feelings of
se losing a loved one the feelings of sorrow and despair they would endure now
sorrow and despair they would endure now
sorrow and despair they would endure now in the similar way Alex had lost her
in the similar way Alex had lost her
in the similar way Alex had lost her health the body that was merely a
health the body that was merely a
health the body that was merely a vehicle to achievement and success was
vehicle to achievement and success was
vehicle to achievement and success was now her biggest enemy this body now
now her biggest enemy this body now
now her biggest enemy this body now placed her in hospitals nearly every
placed her in hospitals nearly every
placed her in hospitals nearly every other month not to mention the time
other month not to mention the time
other month not to mention the time draining treatment
draining treatment
draining treatment sorry to keep her lungs functioning
sorry to keep her lungs functioning
sorry to keep her lungs functioning these treatments often took up to three
these treatments often took up to three
these treatments often took up to three hours a day and consisted of inhaled
hours a day and consisted of inhaled
hours a day and consisted of inhaled medications oral medications and
medications oral medications and
medications oral medications and percussion treatments but even all of
percussion treatments but even all of
percussion treatments but even all of this was not enough to stop the
this was not enough to stop the
this was not enough to stop the deterioration of her lungs and an
deterioration of her lungs and an
deterioration of her lungs and an extremely low point
extremely low point
extremely low point her lungs were lunching functioning at a
her lungs were lunching functioning at a
her lungs were lunching functioning at a mere 50 percent now imagine the tight
mere 50 percent now imagine the tight
mere 50 percent now imagine the tight sense of restriction down your throat
sense of restriction down your throat
sense of restriction down your throat and a sense of panic when feeling like
and a sense of panic when feeling like
and a sense of panic when feeling like only one of your lungs is working
only one of your lungs is working
only one of your lungs is working needless to say this adversity had taken
needless to say this adversity had taken
needless to say this adversity had taken a toll on Alex’s mental well-being
a toll on Alex’s mental well-being
a toll on Alex’s mental well-being having been very close to her I watched
having been very close to her I watched
having been very close to her I watched her progress through every stage of
her progress through every stage of
her progress through every stage of grief overwhelming hopelessness and
grief overwhelming hopelessness and
grief overwhelming hopelessness and anger were consuming her and she would
anger were consuming her and she would
anger were consuming her and she would often ask things like what’s the point
often ask things like what’s the point
often ask things like what’s the point of living if my life will be cut short
of living if my life will be cut short
of living if my life will be cut short anyway well the ultimate question here
anyway well the ultimate question here
anyway well the ultimate question here is how do we face a confusion of
is how do we face a confusion of
is how do we face a confusion of identity when tragedies interfere with
identity when tragedies interfere with
identity when tragedies interfere with our goals and so I used to tell Alex
our goals and so I used to tell Alex
our goals and so I used to tell Alex that to overcome one’s breath you must
that to overcome one’s breath you must
that to overcome one’s breath you must learn to accept that it is yours
learn to accept that it is yours
learn to accept that it is yours identity is a very complex notion there
identity is a very complex notion there
identity is a very complex notion there are so many obstacles and platforms that
are so many obstacles and platforms that
are so many obstacles and platforms that at times that can feel nearly impossible
at times that can feel nearly impossible
at times that can feel nearly impossible to define it let alone understand it and
to define it let alone understand it and
to define it let alone understand it and for Alex here this is a major issue she
for Alex here this is a major issue she
for Alex here this is a major issue she often felt like people only saw her for
often felt like people only saw her for
often felt like people only saw her for her illness as the person who was always
her illness as the person who was always
her illness as the person who was always sick or never in school but ultimately
sick or never in school but ultimately
sick or never in school but ultimately she had a choice she could give in to
she had a choice she could give in to
she had a choice she could give in to this overbearing illness and let it
this overbearing illness and let it
this overbearing illness and let it literally take over her or she could
literally take over her or she could
literally take over her or she could choose to actively go on with life
choose to actively go on with life
choose to actively go on with life take the obstacles for what they were
take the obstacles for what they were
take the obstacles for what they were and define herself for her own identity
and define herself for her own identity
and define herself for her own identity so from the beginning of my friend’s
so from the beginning of my friend’s
so from the beginning of my friend’s freshman year until now she’s endured
freshman year until now she’s endured
freshman year until now she’s endured quite the transformation but not in a
quite the transformation but not in a
quite the transformation but not in a negative way so maybe she’s not just the
negative way so maybe she’s not just the
negative way so maybe she’s not just the perfect overachiever she was before but
perfect overachiever she was before but
perfect overachiever she was before but she has used these experiences to build
she has used these experiences to build
she has used these experiences to build a fire and her that is very unique to
a fire and her that is very unique to
a fire and her that is very unique to others now with tragedy comes pain grief
others now with tragedy comes pain grief
others now with tragedy comes pain grief and sometimes a lifelong continuing
and sometimes a lifelong continuing
and sometimes a lifelong continuing struggle but she’s over the years she
struggle but she’s over the years she
struggle but she’s over the years she learned to persevere through these and
learned to persevere through these and
learned to persevere through these and ultimately define herself for her real
ultimately define herself for her real
ultimately define herself for her real worth now
now another person I knew let’s call him
now another person I knew let’s call him John and John faced unthinkable
John and John faced unthinkable
John and John faced unthinkable adversity in his high-school years as
adversity in his high-school years as
adversity in his high-school years as well
well
well he and dirt a long and continuing battle
he and dirt a long and continuing battle
he and dirt a long and continuing battle with an eating disorder
with an eating disorder
with an eating disorder more specifically anorexia nervosa for
more specifically anorexia nervosa for
more specifically anorexia nervosa for those of you who don’t know anorexia is
those of you who don’t know anorexia is
those of you who don’t know anorexia is a psychological disorder in which
a psychological disorder in which
a psychological disorder in which someone has an irrational fear of
someone has an irrational fear of
someone has an irrational fear of gaining weight they often go to extremes
gaining weight they often go to extremes
gaining weight they often go to extremes of dieting and exercise to avoid it in
of dieting and exercise to avoid it in
of dieting and exercise to avoid it in fact according to the National
fact according to the National
fact according to the National Association of anorexia nervosa and
Association of anorexia nervosa and
Association of anorexia nervosa and associated disorders at least thirty
associated disorders at least thirty
associated disorders at least thirty million people of all ages and genders
million people of all ages and genders
million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder every
suffer from an eating disorder every
suffer from an eating disorder every year in the US alone eating disorders at
year in the US alone eating disorders at
year in the US alone eating disorders at the highest mortality rate of any mental
the highest mortality rate of any mental
the highest mortality rate of any mental illness in fact every 62 minutes one
illness in fact every 62 minutes one
illness in fact every 62 minutes one person dies as a direct result from an
person dies as a direct result from an
person dies as a direct result from an eating disorder now my friends John
eating disorder now my friends John
eating disorder now my friends John struggle just started with the slow
struggle just started with the slow
struggle just started with the slow descent into a deep depression
descent into a deep depression
descent into a deep depression he was constantly feeling sad exhausted
he was constantly feeling sad exhausted
he was constantly feeling sad exhausted and overwhelmed his life felt very out
and overwhelmed his life felt very out
and overwhelmed his life felt very out of control as he had described it to me
of control as he had described it to me
of control as he had described it to me and so all he had was these constant
and so all he had was these constant
and so all he had was these constant replaying thoughts of self-hatred but
replaying thoughts of self-hatred but
replaying thoughts of self-hatred but these all had a focal point the body in
these all had a focal point the body in
these all had a focal point the body in its appearance and so John felt so
its appearance and so John felt so
its appearance and so John felt so strongly about this that it began to
strongly about this that it began to
strongly about this that it began to diet in order to lose weight now of
diet in order to lose weight now of
diet in order to lose weight now of course in the beginning it was nothing
course in the beginning it was nothing
course in the beginning it was nothing extreme and everything was innocent but
extreme and everything was innocent but
extreme and everything was innocent but as time progressed things took a turn
as time progressed things took a turn
as time progressed things took a turn for the worst
for the worst
for the worst eating healthy had turned into barely
eating healthy had turned into barely
eating healthy had turned into barely eating at all every time I was with him
eating at all every time I was with him
eating at all every time I was with him he would avoid food at all costs and
he would avoid food at all costs and
he would avoid food at all costs and pretty soon he was disappearing not just
pretty soon he was disappearing not just
pretty soon he was disappearing not just physically but mentally and socially
physically but mentally and socially
physically but mentally and socially within only a month and a half he’d lost
within only a month and a half he’d lost
within only a month and a half he’d lost nearly 30% of his body weight and his
nearly 30% of his body weight and his
nearly 30% of his body weight and his organs began to shut down in late winter
organs began to shut down in late winter
organs began to shut down in late winter he was admitted into the hospital with
he was admitted into the hospital with
he was admitted into the hospital with an extremely low heart rate a failing
an extremely low heart rate a failing
an extremely low heart rate a failing liver in what seemed to be a negative
liver in what seemed to be a negative
liver in what seemed to be a negative space of a body and within the hospital
space of a body and within the hospital
space of a body and within the hospital he would stay there for two more weeks
he would stay there for two more weeks
he would stay there for two more weeks and then be transferred directly into a
and then be transferred directly into a
and then be transferred directly into a residential eating disorder treatment
residential eating disorder treatment
residential eating disorder treatment center in this treatment center he would
center in this treatment center he would
center in this treatment center he would be faced with his biggest fears which
be faced with his biggest fears which
be faced with his biggest fears which would that matter was not just food I
would that matter was not just food I
would that matter was not just food I believe there’s ultimately
believe there’s ultimately
believe there’s ultimately a misconception that eating disorders
a misconception that eating disorders
a misconception that eating disorders are strictly about food and frankly it’s
are strictly about food and frankly it’s
are strictly about food and frankly it’s the opposite
the opposite
the opposite eating disorders result in abnormal
eating disorders result in abnormal
eating disorders result in abnormal behavior on food as a result of trying
behavior on food as a result of trying
behavior on food as a result of trying to cope with underlying mental struggles
to cope with underlying mental struggles
to cope with underlying mental struggles in for John here these came out of
in for John here these came out of
in for John here these came out of feeling up out of control in his life
feeling up out of control in his life
feeling up out of control in his life and his obsessive or perfectionistic
and his obsessive or perfectionistic
and his obsessive or perfectionistic qualities and so I’ll just as Alex did
qualities and so I’ll just as Alex did
qualities and so I’ll just as Alex did John too struggled with identity there’s
John too struggled with identity there’s
John too struggled with identity there’s often so much focus on his appearance
often so much focus on his appearance
often so much focus on his appearance and the way it was changing over time
and the way it was changing over time
and the way it was changing over time that it felt like there was all there
that it felt like there was all there
that it felt like there was all there was to him so he ultimately had a choice
was to him so he ultimately had a choice
was to him so he ultimately had a choice to he could let his mental illness and
to he could let his mental illness and
to he could let his mental illness and his weight to find him or he can go on
his weight to find him or he can go on
his weight to find him or he can go on with life and work hard to overcome it
with life and work hard to overcome it
with life and work hard to overcome it John chose a path to recovery and a true
John chose a path to recovery and a true
John chose a path to recovery and a true sense of self any kind of recovery is
sense of self any kind of recovery is
sense of self any kind of recovery is never linear there are highs and lows
never linear there are highs and lows
never linear there are highs and lows and relapses but what really matters is
and relapses but what really matters is
and relapses but what really matters is one’s ability to build the strength to
one’s ability to build the strength to
one’s ability to build the strength to overcome those things and recognize
overcome those things and recognize
overcome those things and recognize himself for that now eating disorders
himself for that now eating disorders
himself for that now eating disorders often disguise themselves as a false
often disguise themselves as a false
often disguise themselves as a false sense of control John was able to gain
sense of control John was able to gain
sense of control John was able to gain back control they interact he had taken
back control they interact he had taken
back control they interact he had taken away from him and you too can gain back
away from him and you too can gain back
away from him and you too can gain back their control that ident
their control that ident
their control that ident um that adversity can take away from you
um that adversity can take away from you
um that adversity can take away from you and gain control over your identity and
and gain control over your identity and
and gain control over your identity and how others perceive it now in the
how others perceive it now in the
how others perceive it now in the beginning of the speech I asked you to
beginning of the speech I asked you to
beginning of the speech I asked you to honestly consider what defines you I
honestly consider what defines you I
honestly consider what defines you I stressed the importance of an honest and
stressed the importance of an honest and
stressed the importance of an honest and in candid assessment however I’ve been a
in candid assessment however I’ve been a
in candid assessment however I’ve been a hypocrite because I’ve not been honest
hypocrite because I’ve not been honest
hypocrite because I’ve not been honest with you Alex and John the two people I
with you Alex and John the two people I
with you Alex and John the two people I just described to you do not actually
just described to you do not actually
just described to you do not actually exist both of these people were me so
exist both of these people were me so
exist both of these people were me so right here Mike what’s my freshman year
right here Mike what’s my freshman year
right here Mike what’s my freshman year I spent most of my freshman year in the
I spent most of my freshman year in the
I spent most of my freshman year in the hospital through the diagnostic process
hospital through the diagnostic process
hospital through the diagnostic process and continuing into sophomore year which
and continuing into sophomore year which
and continuing into sophomore year which was also spent mostly in a hospital and
was also spent mostly in a hospital and
was also spent mostly in a hospital and at this point was a very low point in my
at this point was a very low point in my
at this point was a very low point in my eating disorder and within weeks I was
eating disorder and within weeks I was
eating disorder and within weeks I was hospitalized and here is me today so
hospitalized and here is me today so
hospitalized and here is me today so when talking about any kind of adverse
when talking about any kind of adverse
when talking about any kind of adverse I think it is extremely important to
I think it is extremely important to
I think it is extremely important to understand the concept of
understand the concept of
understand the concept of intersectionality intersectionality is
intersectionality intersectionality is
intersectionality intersectionality is defined as the intersections between
defined as the intersections between
defined as the intersections between different district disenfranchised
different district disenfranchised
different district disenfranchised groups in minorities more specifically
groups in minorities more specifically
groups in minorities more specifically the interactions between different
the interactions between different
the interactions between different systems of oppression and discrimination
systems of oppression and discrimination
systems of oppression and discrimination so in the same way that I’m not just a
so in the same way that I’m not just a
so in the same way that I’m not just a race or gender sexuality I’m not just my
race or gender sexuality I’m not just my
race or gender sexuality I’m not just my eating disorder or cystic fibrosis
eating disorder or cystic fibrosis
eating disorder or cystic fibrosis so yes the to do effect to me and are
so yes the to do effect to me and are
so yes the to do effect to me and are often together building even harder
often together building even harder
often together building even harder obstacle to face for example when my
obstacle to face for example when my
obstacle to face for example when my doctors tell me to exercise to clear my
doctors tell me to exercise to clear my
doctors tell me to exercise to clear my lungs it puts me at a great risk of an
lungs it puts me at a great risk of an
lungs it puts me at a great risk of an exercise addiction was a huge part of my
exercise addiction was a huge part of my
exercise addiction was a huge part of my eating disorder but the amazing thing is
eating disorder but the amazing thing is
eating disorder but the amazing thing is is these two things together have
is these two things together have
is these two things together have ultimately built a great motivation to
ultimately built a great motivation to
ultimately built a great motivation to keep myself healthy because when one
keep myself healthy because when one
keep myself healthy because when one illness Falls the other usually follows
illness Falls the other usually follows
illness Falls the other usually follows and so keeping myself in check is pretty
and so keeping myself in check is pretty
and so keeping myself in check is pretty much a necessity of course building a
much a necessity of course building a
much a necessity of course building a positive and honest identity does not
positive and honest identity does not
positive and honest identity does not happen overnight and when in the
happen overnight and when in the
happen overnight and when in the crucible of struggling with adversity it
crucible of struggling with adversity it
crucible of struggling with adversity it can feel like everything you’ve ever
can feel like everything you’ve ever
can feel like everything you’ve ever known about yourself or about the world
known about yourself or about the world
known about yourself or about the world around you has vanished and been taken
around you has vanished and been taken
around you has vanished and been taken over by an excessive amount of hardship
over by an excessive amount of hardship
over by an excessive amount of hardship but ultimately it is these hard
but ultimately it is these hard
but ultimately it is these hard experiences the ultimate that serve as
experiences the ultimate that serve as
experiences the ultimate that serve as the best catalyst for an authentic
the best catalyst for an authentic
the best catalyst for an authentic identity which each and every one of you
identity which each and every one of you
identity which each and every one of you possess now I want to ask you one last
possess now I want to ask you one last
possess now I want to ask you one last time what defines you who do you want to
time what defines you who do you want to
time what defines you who do you want to be how will you get there and I
be how will you get there and I
be how will you get there and I challenge each and every one of you to
challenge each and every one of you to
challenge each and every one of you to go home tonight and I want you to take
go home tonight and I want you to take
go home tonight and I want you to take one small step or even just plan
one small step or even just plan
one small step or even just plan something to take yourself one step
something to take yourself one step
something to take yourself one step closer to being the best self you can
closer to being the best self you can
closer to being the best self you can how will you define yourself thank you
”
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