[Music] [Applause]
all my life I have felt different I
all my life I have felt different I never belonged anywhere and no matter
never belonged anywhere and no matter
never belonged anywhere and no matter how many valid reasons I could point to
how many valid reasons I could point to
how many valid reasons I could point to for why I did belong I would concoct a
for why I did belong I would concoct a
for why I did belong I would concoct a million others why I didn’t now I know a
million others why I didn’t now I know a
million others why I didn’t now I know a lot of us suffer from the same
lot of us suffer from the same
lot of us suffer from the same self-deprecating behavior sadly all too
self-deprecating behavior sadly all too
self-deprecating behavior sadly all too common but I have a diagnosis okay
common but I have a diagnosis okay
common but I have a diagnosis okay I have Tourette syndrome a neurological
I have Tourette syndrome a neurological
I have Tourette syndrome a neurological disorder that I was born with um so no
disorder that I was born with um so no
disorder that I was born with um so no matter how many people related to the
matter how many people related to the
matter how many people related to the social anxiety I experience or the fear
social anxiety I experience or the fear
social anxiety I experience or the fear of failure etc etc I always had this ace
of failure etc etc I always had this ace
of failure etc etc I always had this ace in the hole that I could point to that I
in the hole that I could point to that I
in the hole that I could point to that I was pretty sure almost no one would
was pretty sure almost no one would
was pretty sure almost no one would relate to and that would reinforce the
relate to and that would reinforce the
relate to and that would reinforce the fact that I indeed was different alone
fact that I indeed was different alone
fact that I indeed was different alone and would not succeed I’ve heard this
and would not succeed I’ve heard this
and would not succeed I’ve heard this called being terminally unique let me
called being terminally unique let me
called being terminally unique let me give some backstory so I was diagnosed
give some backstory so I was diagnosed
give some backstory so I was diagnosed with Tourette’s when I was seven now for
with Tourette’s when I was seven now for
with Tourette’s when I was seven now for those of you don’t know about Tourette’s
those of you don’t know about Tourette’s
those of you don’t know about Tourette’s or if you’re only association with it is
or if you’re only association with it is
or if you’re only association with it is the utterly hilarious example of someone
the utterly hilarious example of someone
the utterly hilarious example of someone uncontrollably cursing or shouting out
uncontrollably cursing or shouting out
uncontrollably cursing or shouting out racial slurs please know that most of us
racial slurs please know that most of us
racial slurs please know that most of us tend to be much less entertaining
tend to be much less entertaining
tend to be much less entertaining everyone’s tics are different people
everyone’s tics are different people
everyone’s tics are different people will COFF twitch obsessively touch
will COFF twitch obsessively touch
will COFF twitch obsessively touch things a small number of people do blurt
things a small number of people do blurt
things a small number of people do blurt out obscenities or racial slurs people
out obscenities or racial slurs people
out obscenities or racial slurs people blink their eyes uncontrollably everyone
blink their eyes uncontrollably everyone
blink their eyes uncontrollably everyone attempting to satisfy this unbearably
attempting to satisfy this unbearably
attempting to satisfy this unbearably stubborn obsession for ticking in just
stubborn obsession for ticking in just
stubborn obsession for ticking in just the right way like like like when I curl
the right way like like like when I curl
the right way like like like when I curl my toes and my shoes just like grinding
my toes and my shoes just like grinding
my toes and my shoes just like grinding them against the bottom of my shoes in
them against the bottom of my shoes in
them against the bottom of my shoes in such a way so that it hurts slightly but
such a way so that it hurts slightly but
such a way so that it hurts slightly but not enough to make me shudder aw man
not enough to make me shudder aw man
not enough to make me shudder aw man that’s the sweet spot if anyone is OCD
that’s the sweet spot if anyone is OCD
that’s the sweet spot if anyone is OCD or even slightly obsessive you know what
or even slightly obsessive you know what
or even slightly obsessive you know what I’m talking about for most people
I’m talking about for most people
I’m talking about for most people tics go away in their 20s or so but for
tics go away in their 20s or so but for
tics go away in their 20s or so but for me they didn’t Tourette’s is hereditary
me they didn’t Tourette’s is hereditary
me they didn’t Tourette’s is hereditary you can’t help it and they know very
you can’t help it and they know very
you can’t help it and they know very little about what it actually is
little about what it actually is
little about what it actually is now as you can hear unfortunately I have
now as you can hear unfortunately I have
now as you can hear unfortunately I have a lot of tics that make me sound like
a lot of tics that make me sound like
a lot of tics that make me sound like I’m sick
I’m sick
I’m sick I tracked a lot of attention in public
I tracked a lot of attention in public
I tracked a lot of attention in public yes you may laugh it’s I encourage it
yes you may laugh it’s I encourage it
yes you may laugh it’s I encourage it and I’ve amassed a large collection of
and I’ve amassed a large collection of
and I’ve amassed a large collection of cough drops from strangers on the subway
cough drops from strangers on the subway
cough drops from strangers on the subway I took on airplanes which is awesome um
I took on airplanes which is awesome um
I took on airplanes which is awesome um while I’m teaching out at Queens College
while I’m teaching out at Queens College
while I’m teaching out at Queens College and when I go to the theater which is a
and when I go to the theater which is a
and when I go to the theater which is a lot because I’m an actor so I like to
lot because I’m an actor so I like to
lot because I’m an actor so I like to sit way in the back of the house so I
sit way in the back of the house so I
sit way in the back of the house so I can kind of hide and sometimes I’ll even
can kind of hide and sometimes I’ll even
can kind of hide and sometimes I’ll even warn the people around me like hi excuse
warn the people around me like hi excuse
warn the people around me like hi excuse me I just want to let you know I have
me I just want to let you know I have
me I just want to let you know I have Tourette’s syndrome I’m not sick so
Tourette’s syndrome I’m not sick so
Tourette’s syndrome I’m not sick so that’s why I’m gonna be coughing in your
that’s why I’m gonna be coughing in your
that’s why I’m gonna be coughing in your ear for the next two hours okay great
ear for the next two hours okay great
ear for the next two hours okay great thanks
well sometimes there’ll be an important
well sometimes there’ll be an important industry professional near me and I’ll
industry professional near me and I’ll
industry professional near me and I’ll be so nervous after the show that I’ll
be so nervous after the show that I’ll
be so nervous after the show that I’ll apologize and they’re on the spot so
apologize and they’re on the spot so
apologize and they’re on the spot so they’ll be like oh I didn’t even notice
they’ll be like oh I didn’t even notice
they’ll be like oh I didn’t even notice at all but I know that they do and I’m
at all but I know that they do and I’m
at all but I know that they do and I’m petrified that I’m digging a hole for
petrified that I’m digging a hole for
petrified that I’m digging a hole for myself professionally I don’t want to be
myself professionally I don’t want to be
myself professionally I don’t want to be known as the actor who can’t stop
known as the actor who can’t stop
known as the actor who can’t stop coughing now a lot of people have
coughing now a lot of people have
coughing now a lot of people have encouraged me to own it to make a show
encouraged me to own it to make a show
encouraged me to own it to make a show or a documentary about my Tourette’s to
or a documentary about my Tourette’s to
or a documentary about my Tourette’s to embrace it publicly but I didn’t want to
embrace it publicly but I didn’t want to
embrace it publicly but I didn’t want to blow the illusion that I was normal
blow the illusion that I was normal
blow the illusion that I was normal III thought it would hurt my reputation
III thought it would hurt my reputation
III thought it would hurt my reputation not that I had any real reputation to
not that I had any real reputation to
not that I had any real reputation to hurt and at the time a few years ago I
hurt and at the time a few years ago I
hurt and at the time a few years ago I wasn’t really getting much work as an
wasn’t really getting much work as an
wasn’t really getting much work as an actress so I I kind of had no choice so
actress so I I kind of had no choice so
actress so I I kind of had no choice so along with my friend the theater
along with my friend the theater
along with my friend the theater director Kel Haney who’s out here
director Kel Haney who’s out here
director Kel Haney who’s out here somewhere
somewhere
somewhere I created the solo show about my life it
I created the solo show about my life it
I created the solo show about my life it centers on going to Washington DC – this
centers on going to Washington DC – this
centers on going to Washington DC – this big Tourette syndrome conference and
big Tourette syndrome conference and
big Tourette syndrome conference and just having my mind blown the name of
just having my mind blown the name of
just having my mind blown the name of the show is the elephant in every room I
the show is the elephant in every room I
the show is the elephant in every room I enter which gives you a sense of what my
enter which gives you a sense of what my
enter which gives you a sense of what my life is sorry now I’ve sort of come out
life is sorry now I’ve sort of come out
life is sorry now I’ve sort of come out of the Tourette’s closet so to speak and
of the Tourette’s closet so to speak and
of the Tourette’s closet so to speak and you know I serve on the board of the New
you know I serve on the board of the New
you know I serve on the board of the New York City chapter of the tred
York City chapter of the tred
York City chapter of the tred Association of America I work with other
Association of America I work with other
Association of America I work with other adults and kids it’s really great but
adults and kids it’s really great but
adults and kids it’s really great but until I went to DC I had never been
until I went to DC I had never been
until I went to DC I had never been surrounded by hundreds of other people
surrounded by hundreds of other people
surrounded by hundreds of other people like me I mean there’s this tall 16 year
like me I mean there’s this tall 16 year
like me I mean there’s this tall 16 year old boy who will unexpectedly grab
old boy who will unexpectedly grab
old boy who will unexpectedly grab people and bear hug them unable to let
people and bear hug them unable to let
people and bear hug them unable to let go and the way he he calms down is to
go and the way he he calms down is to
go and the way he he calms down is to drink a big pot of black coffee or a Red
drink a big pot of black coffee or a Red
drink a big pot of black coffee or a Red Bull until everything just stops and the
Bull until everything just stops and the
Bull until everything just stops and the girl who yells out phrase is like I love
girl who yells out phrase is like I love
girl who yells out phrase is like I love you man I love you or basil basil basil
you man I love you or basil basil basil
you man I love you or basil basil basil I’m so basal ganglia I can’t help at or
I’m so basal ganglia I can’t help at or
I’m so basal ganglia I can’t help at or fire false alarm it is incredible to be
fire false alarm it is incredible to be
fire false alarm it is incredible to be in these large conference rooms and hear
in these large conference rooms and hear
in these large conference rooms and hear constant eruptions of chirps barks
constant eruptions of chirps barks
constant eruptions of chirps barks disgusting coughs like mines echoed word
disgusting coughs like mines echoed word
disgusting coughs like mines echoed word advocate conference we’re so happy happy
advocate conference we’re so happy happy
advocate conference we’re so happy happy happy to have you sing us your article
happy to have you sing us your article
happy to have you sing us your article come on for the first time in my life it
come on for the first time in my life it
come on for the first time in my life it was actually normal to have Tourette’s
now most of the people at the conference
now most of the people at the conference were kids with Tourette’s and their
were kids with Tourette’s and their
were kids with Tourette’s and their parents so I was in this weird strange
parents so I was in this weird strange
parents so I was in this weird strange category like I was the only unattached
category like I was the only unattached
category like I was the only unattached freestanding adult so I just ended up
freestanding adult so I just ended up
freestanding adult so I just ended up giving a lot of advice and I know where
giving a lot of advice and I know where
giving a lot of advice and I know where to end up encouraging things that you
to end up encouraging things that you
to end up encouraging things that you wouldn’t really think of normally I
wouldn’t really think of normally I
wouldn’t really think of normally I would tell these kids like do whatever
would tell these kids like do whatever
would tell these kids like do whatever it is you’re good at no matter how
it is you’re good at no matter how
it is you’re good at no matter how useless it seems because your brain
useless it seems because your brain
useless it seems because your brain works differently than other people’s
works differently than other people’s
works differently than other people’s and you probably have skills you have
and you probably have skills you have
and you probably have skills you have yet to learn about news Mason I would
yet to learn about news Mason I would
yet to learn about news Mason I would talk to them about how I used to use an
talk to them about how I used to use an
talk to them about how I used to use an etch-a-sketch not for creating designs
etch-a-sketch not for creating designs
etch-a-sketch not for creating designs but for meticulously clearing away the
but for meticulously clearing away the
but for meticulously clearing away the surface of it until you could see the
surface of it until you could see the
surface of it until you could see the operational nubs inside so you can go
operational nubs inside so you can go
operational nubs inside so you can go through that now at one of the
through that now at one of the
through that now at one of the performances at the theater la mama
performances at the theater la mama
performances at the theater la mama downtown four years ago my collaborator
downtown four years ago my collaborator
downtown four years ago my collaborator Kel was sitting in the audience next to
Kel was sitting in the audience next to
Kel was sitting in the audience next to a friend of hers who had suffered a
a friend of hers who had suffered a
a friend of hers who had suffered a collapsed lung and she heard him tearing
collapsed lung and she heard him tearing
collapsed lung and she heard him tearing up watching me not having anticipated
up watching me not having anticipated
up watching me not having anticipated relating to the story another audience
relating to the story another audience
relating to the story another audience member had cerebral palsy and hugged her
member had cerebral palsy and hugged her
member had cerebral palsy and hugged her afterward thanking her for creating a
afterward thanking her for creating a
afterward thanking her for creating a theater experience that he could
theater experience that he could
theater experience that he could identify with but my favorite was a
identify with but my favorite was a
identify with but my favorite was a teenage boy with Tourette’s who was in
teenage boy with Tourette’s who was in
teenage boy with Tourette’s who was in the audience
the audience
the audience ticking the entire time by the way
ticking the entire time by the way
ticking the entire time by the way that’s me onstage
that’s me onstage
that’s me onstage okay it would be stopping his foot and
okay it would be stopping his foot and
okay it would be stopping his foot and sometimes making it liliane throughs
sometimes making it liliane throughs
sometimes making it liliane throughs loud moaning sounds and at one point
loud moaning sounds and at one point
loud moaning sounds and at one point during a really particularly emotional
during a really particularly emotional
during a really particularly emotional moment in the show his tics affected me
moment in the show his tics affected me
moment in the show his tics affected me in such a way that I was able to squeeze
in such a way that I was able to squeeze
in such a way that I was able to squeeze out a few tears on stage it’s something
out a few tears on stage it’s something
out a few tears on stage it’s something I’m not usually able to do after the
I’m not usually able to do after the
I’m not usually able to do after the show he hugged me and told me that he
show he hugged me and told me that he
show he hugged me and told me that he named his tics and the moaning sound was
named his tics and the moaning sound was
named his tics and the moaning sound was called wail wail wh al e w ail embracing
performers and audience members with
performers and audience members with disabilities is an incredible
disabilities is an incredible
disabilities is an incredible opportunity and Broadway can
opportunity and Broadway can
opportunity and Broadway can specifically benefit from it I can’t
specifically benefit from it I can’t
specifically benefit from it I can’t tell you how many people I met after the
tell you how many people I met after the
tell you how many people I met after the show with disabilities without who told
show with disabilities without who told
show with disabilities without who told me they specifically related to what I
me they specifically related to what I
me they specifically related to what I was describing and so called disability
was describing and so called disability
was describing and so called disability theater is already happening I don’t
theater is already happening I don’t
theater is already happening I don’t need to tell you about the success of
need to tell you about the success of
need to tell you about the success of the Curious Incident of the dog in the
the Curious Incident of the dog in the
the Curious Incident of the dog in the night-time or deaf West theatre Spring
night-time or deaf West theatre Spring
night-time or deaf West theatre Spring Awakening I for one was a big fan of
Awakening I for one was a big fan of
Awakening I for one was a big fan of backstage at biscuit land which was a
backstage at biscuit land which was a
backstage at biscuit land which was a another Tourette solo show by a friend
another Tourette solo show by a friend
another Tourette solo show by a friend of mine named Jess Tom from England aka
of mine named Jess Tom from England aka
of mine named Jess Tom from England aka Tourette’s hero who blurts out the word
Tourette’s hero who blurts out the word
Tourette’s hero who blurts out the word biscuits 16,000 times a day we go to the
biscuits 16,000 times a day we go to the
biscuits 16,000 times a day we go to the theatre not just to be entertained but
theatre not just to be entertained but
theatre not just to be entertained but to engage in the human experience to be
to engage in the human experience to be
to engage in the human experience to be reminded that we’re part of a community
reminded that we’re part of a community
reminded that we’re part of a community now when I was in DC and realized for
now when I was in DC and realized for
now when I was in DC and realized for the first time in my life that I was
the first time in my life that I was
the first time in my life that I was part of something I allowed myself
part of something I allowed myself
part of something I allowed myself finally to be who I really am so I think
finally to be who I really am so I think
finally to be who I really am so I think in theatre we have a unique opportunity
in theatre we have a unique opportunity
in theatre we have a unique opportunity with this ancient tradition of telling
with this ancient tradition of telling
with this ancient tradition of telling stories to people when they’re right
stories to people when they’re right
stories to people when they’re right there
there
there to embrace everyone no matter who they
to embrace everyone no matter who they
to embrace everyone no matter who they are to do whatever they’re doing from
are to do whatever they’re doing from
are to do whatever they’re doing from wherever it comes and I think we can
wherever it comes and I think we can
wherever it comes and I think we can actually cheesy cheesy as it sounds
actually cheesy cheesy as it sounds
actually cheesy cheesy as it sounds change the world thank you
change the world thank you
change the world thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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