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No More Drama With Mama | Gayle Kirschenbaum | TEDxBergenCommunityCollege


did you ever feel like you were born

did you ever feel like you were born into the wrong family I did it didn’t

into the wrong family I did it didn’t

into the wrong family I did it didn’t matter that I was having career success

matter that I was having career success

matter that I was having career success I was first a graphic designer than a TV

I was first a graphic designer than a TV

I was first a graphic designer than a TV producer then a filmmaker and I was

producer then a filmmaker and I was

producer then a filmmaker and I was awarded I was acknowledged with awards

awarded I was acknowledged with awards

awarded I was acknowledged with awards along the way I was seething with anger

along the way I was seething with anger

along the way I was seething with anger towards my mother from head to toe there

towards my mother from head to toe there

towards my mother from head to toe there was nothing right about me my nose was

was nothing right about me my nose was

was nothing right about me my nose was too big my butt was too fat my hair was

too big my butt was too fat my hair was

too big my butt was too fat my hair was too frizzy according to my mother I

too frizzy according to my mother I

too frizzy according to my mother I couldn’t do anything right and my

couldn’t do anything right and my

couldn’t do anything right and my brother’s couldn’t do anything wrong

brother’s couldn’t do anything wrong

brother’s couldn’t do anything wrong little did I know that the obstacles of

little did I know that the obstacles of

little did I know that the obstacles of my childhood would end up being the

my childhood would end up being the

my childhood would end up being the biggest opportunity of my life by facing

biggest opportunity of my life by facing

biggest opportunity of my life by facing those challenges I was able to figure

those challenges I was able to figure

those challenges I was able to figure out the secret to finding forgiveness

out the secret to finding forgiveness

out the secret to finding forgiveness and the power and the freedom that that

and the power and the freedom that that

and the power and the freedom that that gives you let me take you back to my

gives you let me take you back to my

gives you let me take you back to my childhood I was born in enemy territory

childhood I was born in enemy territory

childhood I was born in enemy territory and I was the only one captured I was

and I was the only one captured I was

and I was the only one captured I was the youngest of three the only daughter

the youngest of three the only daughter

the youngest of three the only daughter and I grew up hearing I was supposed to

and I grew up hearing I was supposed to

and I grew up hearing I was supposed to be Gary well they didn’t get Gary they

be Gary well they didn’t get Gary they

be Gary well they didn’t get Gary they got me Gayle now most mothers would have

got me Gayle now most mothers would have

got me Gayle now most mothers would have felt like they won the lottery not mine

felt like they won the lottery not mine

felt like they won the lottery not mine and if she did she had a funny way of

and if she did she had a funny way of

and if she did she had a funny way of showing it I often wondered is that what

showing it I often wondered is that what

showing it I often wondered is that what got us off to a bad start I was born

got us off to a bad start I was born

got us off to a bad start I was born with thick dark curly hair and by third

with thick dark curly hair and by third

with thick dark curly hair and by third grade mom was having it professionally

grade mom was having it professionally

grade mom was having it professionally straightened and then there was my nose

straightened and then there was my nose

straightened and then there was my nose when the bump started growing when I was

when the bump started growing when I was

when the bump started growing when I was a young teen mom’s campaign to get me to

a young teen mom’s campaign to get me to

a young teen mom’s campaign to get me to have a nose job started and that went on

have a nose job started and that went on

have a nose job started and that went on for decades in case you’re wondering I

for decades in case you’re wondering I

for decades in case you’re wondering I didn’t have a nose job I was a slow

didn’t have a nose job I was a slow

didn’t have a nose job I was a slow developer and mom used to stuff in the

developer and mom used to stuff in the

developer and mom used to stuff in the top of my bathing suit from rubber I was

top of my bathing suit from rubber I was

top of my bathing suit from rubber I was 13 years old when I was taking a

13 years old when I was taking a

13 years old when I was taking a swimming lesson and the foam rubber came

swimming lesson and the foam rubber came

swimming lesson and the foam rubber came floating out pretty funny today but

floating out pretty funny today but

floating out pretty funny today but quite humiliating when I was young I

quite humiliating when I was young I

quite humiliating when I was young I wonder if any of you have a humiliating

wonder if any of you have a humiliating

wonder if any of you have a humiliating story from your childhood my brothers

story from your childhood my brothers

story from your childhood my brothers were my mom’s bouncers the one that was

were my mom’s bouncers the one that was

were my mom’s bouncers the one that was closest to my age had been the youngest

closest to my age had been the youngest

closest to my age had been the youngest so he didn’t want me around when I was

so he didn’t want me around when I was

so he didn’t want me around when I was born and he showed me that by destroying

born and he showed me that by destroying

born and he showed me that by destroying most of my dolls and then

most of my dolls and then

most of my dolls and then to do the same with me my oldest brother

to do the same with me my oldest brother

to do the same with me my oldest brother well he just took orders from my mother

well he just took orders from my mother

well he just took orders from my mother so when mom wanted me out of the way she

so when mom wanted me out of the way she

so when mom wanted me out of the way she had my brother’s put me on top of the

had my brother’s put me on top of the

had my brother’s put me on top of the refrigerator where I couldn’t get down

refrigerator where I couldn’t get down

refrigerator where I couldn’t get down my father he himself had been raised

my father he himself had been raised

my father he himself had been raised abused and he had a very short fuse

abused and he had a very short fuse

abused and he had a very short fuse so mom used him as a German Shepherd to

so mom used him as a German Shepherd to

so mom used him as a German Shepherd to SiC on me

SiC on me

SiC on me mom today proudly talks about the day

mom today proudly talks about the day

mom today proudly talks about the day she did the night she did a mommy deer

she did the night she did a mommy deer

she did the night she did a mommy deer is on me do you remember that movie

is on me do you remember that movie

is on me do you remember that movie about Joan Crawford and how cool she was

about Joan Crawford and how cool she was

about Joan Crawford and how cool she was to her mother okay I was a teenager I

to her mother okay I was a teenager I

to her mother okay I was a teenager I was out with my friends they were

was out with my friends they were

was out with my friends they were dropping me off at home we pull up in

dropping me off at home we pull up in

dropping me off at home we pull up in front of my house and all of a sudden I

front of my house and all of a sudden I

front of my house and all of a sudden I see my mother standing out there with a

see my mother standing out there with a

see my mother standing out there with a glass of water in one hand and the dog’s

glass of water in one hand and the dog’s

glass of water in one hand and the dog’s leash and the other hand I get out of

leash and the other hand I get out of

leash and the other hand I get out of the car I walk in front I stand in front

the car I walk in front I stand in front

the car I walk in front I stand in front of my mother now the car lights are

of my mother now the car lights are

of my mother now the car lights are shining on me and all my friends are in

shining on me and all my friends are in

shining on me and all my friends are in the car watching this as a new mother

the car watching this as a new mother

the car watching this as a new mother throws the water in my face

throws the water in my face

throws the water in my face and tells me to walk the dog she doesn’t

and tells me to walk the dog she doesn’t

and tells me to walk the dog she doesn’t care if I get raped if I wasn’t already

care if I get raped if I wasn’t already

care if I get raped if I wasn’t already that was just the beginning I lived in

that was just the beginning I lived in

that was just the beginning I lived in fear of my mother in fear of her

fear of my mother in fear of her

fear of my mother in fear of her punishments and fear of the humiliation

punishments and fear of the humiliation

punishments and fear of the humiliation and that fear it led me to being sick I

and that fear it led me to being sick I

and that fear it led me to being sick I had headaches all the time dizzy spells

had headaches all the time dizzy spells

had headaches all the time dizzy spells and nausea as soon as I left my house I

and nausea as soon as I left my house I

and nausea as soon as I left my house I didn’t have headaches anymore when mom

didn’t have headaches anymore when mom

didn’t have headaches anymore when mom would go on vacation I often wondered

would go on vacation I often wondered

would go on vacation I often wondered what it would be like if the plane

what it would be like if the plane

what it would be like if the plane crashed I thought I would be free I knew

crashed I thought I would be free I knew

crashed I thought I would be free I knew there was something seriously wrong if I

there was something seriously wrong if I

there was something seriously wrong if I was wishing my mother dead I was so

was wishing my mother dead I was so

was wishing my mother dead I was so desperate to get out of my house but I

desperate to get out of my house but I

desperate to get out of my house but I didn’t have the courage to run away

didn’t have the courage to run away

didn’t have the courage to run away a social worker advised me to graduate

a social worker advised me to graduate

a social worker advised me to graduate high school early and go away to college

high school early and go away to college

high school early and go away to college so by the end of my 16th year I finished

so by the end of my 16th year I finished

so by the end of my 16th year I finished high school and I went away to

high school and I went away to

high school and I went away to university 200 miles from home there I

university 200 miles from home there I

university 200 miles from home there I was an art major and I found support

was an art major and I found support

was an art major and I found support from my teachers and my friends but I

from my teachers and my friends but I

from my teachers and my friends but I was craving love and affection and

was craving love and affection and

was craving love and affection and intimacy and I found myself in the arms

intimacy and I found myself in the arms

intimacy and I found myself in the arms and the beds of many men often

and the beds of many men often

and the beds of many men often sabotaging those relationships years

sabotaging those relationships years

sabotaging those relationships years later when a hit middle-aged I finally

later when a hit middle-aged I finally

later when a hit middle-aged I finally gave in to MA

gave in to MA

gave in to MA demands to get me to a plastic surgeon

demands to get me to a plastic surgeon

demands to get me to a plastic surgeon and I agreed to visit three plastic

and I agreed to visit three plastic

and I agreed to visit three plastic surgeons for a consultation about my

surgeons for a consultation about my

surgeons for a consultation about my nose as long as I can have a camera crew

nose as long as I can have a camera crew

nose as long as I can have a camera crew along with me she couldn’t care less

along with me she couldn’t care less

along with me she couldn’t care less about me having a camera crew and what

about me having a camera crew and what

about me having a camera crew and what result it was a funny short film called

result it was a funny short film called

result it was a funny short film called my nose about mom’s relentless campaign

my nose about mom’s relentless campaign

my nose about mom’s relentless campaign to get me to have a nose job when I

to get me to have a nose job when I

to get me to have a nose job when I would get off the stage after the QA

would get off the stage after the QA

would get off the stage after the QA there would be a lion in front of me and

there would be a lion in front of me and

there would be a lion in front of me and the first thing people would say is they

the first thing people would say is they

the first thing people would say is they would compliment me on my nose and then

would compliment me on my nose and then

would compliment me on my nose and then the next thing they would tell me their

the next thing they would tell me their

the next thing they would tell me their story and it didn’t have to be about

story and it didn’t have to be about

story and it didn’t have to be about their nose but it was about some

their nose but it was about some

their nose but it was about some childhood trauma that they had suffered

childhood trauma that they had suffered

childhood trauma that they had suffered that they were still dealing with I

that they were still dealing with I

that they were still dealing with I remember a woman opening up her coat to

remember a woman opening up her coat to

remember a woman opening up her coat to show me her weight issues and

show me her weight issues and

show me her weight issues and attributing it to her mother who was

attributing it to her mother who was

attributing it to her mother who was long gone that’s when I realized I

long gone that’s when I realized I

long gone that’s when I realized I wasn’t alone and so many people were

wasn’t alone and so many people were

wasn’t alone and so many people were suffering the mother-daughter

suffering the mother-daughter

suffering the mother-daughter relationship is the most highly charged

relationship is the most highly charged

relationship is the most highly charged relationship one word one look could

relationship one word one look could

relationship one word one look could transform it it is a relationship that

transform it it is a relationship that

transform it it is a relationship that has the most power over us we crave the

has the most power over us we crave the

has the most power over us we crave the love and adoration of support of our

love and adoration of support of our

love and adoration of support of our mothers and our mothers look at us their

mothers and our mothers look at us their

mothers and our mothers look at us their daughters as a reflection of them so the

daughters as a reflection of them so the

daughters as a reflection of them so the biggest thing our mothers criticize us

biggest thing our mothers criticize us

biggest thing our mothers criticize us about is our appearance and specifically

about is our appearance and specifically

about is our appearance and specifically our hair our clothing and our weight all

our hair our clothing and our weight all

our hair our clothing and our weight all of which I experienced throughout my

of which I experienced throughout my

of which I experienced throughout my life it was when I hit what when I ended

life it was when I hit what when I ended

life it was when I hit what when I ended up I realized that I had it do something

up I realized that I had it do something

up I realized that I had it do something I had to change something I was

I had to change something I was

I had to change something I was traveling the world I was having

traveling the world I was having

traveling the world I was having tremendous success in my career

tremendous success in my career

tremendous success in my career regardless of that I was fuming with

regardless of that I was fuming with

regardless of that I was fuming with anger towards my mother I had anger all

anger towards my mother I had anger all

anger towards my mother I had anger all the time and was affecting every aspect

the time and was affecting every aspect

the time and was affecting every aspect of my life I ended up reacting

of my life I ended up reacting

of my life I ended up reacting constantly to my mother’s criticisms and

constantly to my mother’s criticisms and

constantly to my mother’s criticisms and in fact I gave it right back to her I

in fact I gave it right back to her I

in fact I gave it right back to her I learned how to put the knife in and turn

learned how to put the knife in and turn

learned how to put the knife in and turn it and leave a lasting scar I wasn’t

it and leave a lasting scar I wasn’t

it and leave a lasting scar I wasn’t happy about my behavior I knew that I

happy about my behavior I knew that I

happy about my behavior I knew that I was now a victim and I had been a victim

was now a victim and I had been a victim

was now a victim and I had been a victim for years and I had given my mother my

for years and I had given my mother my

for years and I had given my mother my power I would have to

power I would have to

power I would have to forgive my mother to find peace and

forgive my mother to find peace and

forgive my mother to find peace and happiness but I didn’t know how I was

happiness but I didn’t know how I was

happiness but I didn’t know how I was going to do it

going to do it

going to do it I was already 50 years old and single

I was already 50 years old and single

I was already 50 years old and single and alone I was living with emotional

and alone I was living with emotional

and alone I was living with emotional and mental bondage I was trapped it was

and mental bondage I was trapped it was

and mental bondage I was trapped it was like having an addiction that slowly

like having an addiction that slowly

like having an addiction that slowly eats away at you I had a food addiction

eats away at you I had a food addiction

eats away at you I had a food addiction for many years as a result of my

for many years as a result of my

for many years as a result of my mother’s constant criticisms about my

mother’s constant criticisms about my

mother’s constant criticisms about my weight it took a car accident for me to

weight it took a car accident for me to

weight it took a car accident for me to change how I thought about food I

change how I thought about food I

change how I thought about food I decided I was gonna eat what I wanted to

decided I was gonna eat what I wanted to

decided I was gonna eat what I wanted to eat when I wanted to eat it and as soon

eat when I wanted to eat it and as soon

eat when I wanted to eat it and as soon as I did that the addiction went away I

as I did that the addiction went away I

as I did that the addiction went away I knew I was going to have to change how I

knew I was going to have to change how I

knew I was going to have to change how I thought about my mother

thought about my mother

thought about my mother at this point mom was in her 80s and I

at this point mom was in her 80s and I

at this point mom was in her 80s and I asked her if she would be willing to go

asked her if she would be willing to go

asked her if she would be willing to go on a journey together with me to resolve

on a journey together with me to resolve

on a journey together with me to resolve our relationship in front of the camera

our relationship in front of the camera

our relationship in front of the camera she agreed I knew this was a golden

she agreed I knew this was a golden

she agreed I knew this was a golden opportunity because mom in her senior

opportunity because mom in her senior

opportunity because mom in her senior years without the responsibility of

years without the responsibility of

years without the responsibility of raising children had become quite funny

raising children had become quite funny

raising children had become quite funny or her humor came out and not only was

or her humor came out and not only was

or her humor came out and not only was she willing she was very happy to share

she willing she was very happy to share

she willing she was very happy to share her life with the world what resulted

her life with the world what resulted

her life with the world what resulted was my future documentary called look at

was my future documentary called look at

was my future documentary called look at his now mother

his now mother

his now mother it took three steps for me to resolve my

it took three steps for me to resolve my

it took three steps for me to resolve my relationship with my mother the first

relationship with my mother the first

relationship with my mother the first one was I needed to understand her so

one was I needed to understand her so

one was I needed to understand her so with cameras rolling I began my

with cameras rolling I began my

with cameras rolling I began my investigation into her past

investigation into her past

investigation into her past I learned about her father’s suicide

I learned about her father’s suicide

I learned about her father’s suicide attempts the untimely death of her

attempts the untimely death of her

attempts the untimely death of her sister and the financial hardship she

sister and the financial hardship she

sister and the financial hardship she suffered essentially the childhood she

suffered essentially the childhood she

suffered essentially the childhood she never had a big light bulb moment came

never had a big light bulb moment came

never had a big light bulb moment came for me when I played a psychological

for me when I played a psychological

for me when I played a psychological board game they threw the dice and the

board game they threw the dice and the

board game they threw the dice and the facilitator said stand up and close your

facilitator said stand up and close your

facilitator said stand up and close your eyes and imagine your mother as a little

eyes and imagine your mother as a little

eyes and imagine your mother as a little girl was this point I knew about the

girl was this point I knew about the

girl was this point I knew about the pain of my mother’s childhood and I saw

pain of my mother’s childhood and I saw

pain of my mother’s childhood and I saw a wounded little girl and then she said

a wounded little girl and then she said

a wounded little girl and then she said imagine yourself as a little girl well I

imagine yourself as a little girl well I

imagine yourself as a little girl well I knew I was a wounded little girl and

knew I was a wounded little girl and

knew I was a wounded little girl and then she said you both come together

then she said you both come together

then she said you both come together Wow she was no longer my abusive mother

Wow she was no longer my abusive mother

Wow she was no longer my abusive mother she was a wounded girl little girl if I

she was a wounded girl little girl if I

she was a wounded girl little girl if I was a wounded little girl that helped me

was a wounded little girl that helped me

was a wounded little girl that helped me reframe which is step number two how I

reframe which is step number two how I

reframe which is step number two how I looked at my mother I changed my

looked at my mother I changed my

looked at my mother I changed my expectations of her so now I soar as a

expectations of her so now I soar as a

expectations of her so now I soar as a wounded little girl like me who really

wounded little girl like me who really

wounded little girl like me who really needed love so when she would be nasty

needed love so when she would be nasty

needed love so when she would be nasty or critical to me it bounced off of me I

or critical to me it bounced off of me I

or critical to me it bounced off of me I essentially rendered her abuse powerless

essentially rendered her abuse powerless

essentially rendered her abuse powerless over me because I took her off that

over me because I took her off that

over me because I took her off that pedestal of my mother who should love

pedestal of my mother who should love

pedestal of my mother who should love and adore me the way she loved and

and adore me the way she loved and

and adore me the way she loved and adored my brothers and sir as a wounded

adored my brothers and sir as a wounded

adored my brothers and sir as a wounded little girl who didn’t know any better

little girl who didn’t know any better

little girl who didn’t know any better who was in pain herself what gets it’s

who was in pain herself what gets it’s

who was in pain herself what gets it’s all so upset in life is when we have

all so upset in life is when we have

all so upset in life is when we have unfulfilled expectations I changed my

unfulfilled expectations I changed my

unfulfilled expectations I changed my expectations of her I forgave my mother

expectations of her I forgave my mother

expectations of her I forgave my mother I didn’t forget you never forget don’t

I didn’t forget you never forget don’t

I didn’t forget you never forget don’t wait for that person who’s hurt you ever

wait for that person who’s hurt you ever

wait for that person who’s hurt you ever to say they’re sorry even to acknowledge

to say they’re sorry even to acknowledge

to say they’re sorry even to acknowledge that they did anything wrong because

that they did anything wrong because

that they did anything wrong because they are completely unaware it’s like

they are completely unaware it’s like

they are completely unaware it’s like getting angry at somebody for doing

getting angry at somebody for doing

getting angry at somebody for doing something that they’re not wired or

something that they’re not wired or

something that they’re not wired or capable to do so the biggest gift you

capable to do so the biggest gift you

capable to do so the biggest gift you can give yourself is the ability to

can give yourself is the ability to

can give yourself is the ability to forgive you forgive for yourself if you

forgive you forgive for yourself if you

forgive you forgive for yourself if you don’t forgive and you hang on to that

don’t forgive and you hang on to that

don’t forgive and you hang on to that anger and that resentment it only hurts

anger and that resentment it only hurts

anger and that resentment it only hurts you it affects your relationships it

you it affects your relationships it

you it affects your relationships it affects your health

affects your health

affects your health in fact when I made look at his now

in fact when I made look at his now

in fact when I made look at his now mother I reread my childhood Diaries and

mother I reread my childhood Diaries and

mother I reread my childhood Diaries and I relived my childhood trauma and I got

I relived my childhood trauma and I got

I relived my childhood trauma and I got sick I developed an autoimmune disease I

sick I developed an autoimmune disease I

sick I developed an autoimmune disease I developed a very bad case of psoriasis

developed a very bad case of psoriasis

developed a very bad case of psoriasis all over my hands it was so bad that my

all over my hands it was so bad that my

all over my hands it was so bad that my fingers were always bleeding and I had

fingers were always bleeding and I had

fingers were always bleeding and I had her gloves I tried various medical

her gloves I tried various medical

her gloves I tried various medical treatments but none of them were

treatments but none of them were

treatments but none of them were long-lasting and then I said to myself

long-lasting and then I said to myself

long-lasting and then I said to myself you know you got yourself sick by these

you know you got yourself sick by these

you know you got yourself sick by these stressful emotions and you’re going to

stressful emotions and you’re going to

stressful emotions and you’re going to heal yourself and I did so by changing

heal yourself and I did so by changing

heal yourself and I did so by changing how I thought of my mother I released

how I thought of my mother I released

how I thought of my mother I released that anger

that anger

that anger and that hatred I was feeling towards

and that hatred I was feeling towards

and that hatred I was feeling towards her and I felt empathy and compassion

her and I felt empathy and compassion

her and I felt empathy and compassion and love for her and I healed myself and

and love for her and I healed myself and

and love for her and I healed myself and my hands are completely fine learning

my hands are completely fine learning

my hands are completely fine learning how to forgive gives you emotional

how to forgive gives you emotional

how to forgive gives you emotional freedom it we unleash –is that noose

freedom it we unleash –is that noose

freedom it we unleash –is that noose around our neck that we have allowed our

around our neck that we have allowed our

around our neck that we have allowed our perpetrator to hold when I figured out

perpetrator to hold when I figured out

perpetrator to hold when I figured out the secret to finding forgiveness I

the secret to finding forgiveness I

the secret to finding forgiveness I apply this method to other people and I

apply this method to other people and I

apply this method to other people and I forgave my brothers whenever I come

forgave my brothers whenever I come

forgave my brothers whenever I come across a difficult person or or I’m in a

across a difficult person or or I’m in a

across a difficult person or or I’m in a difficult situation I know now how I can

difficult situation I know now how I can

difficult situation I know now how I can turn it around when I think about when

turn it around when I think about when

turn it around when I think about when people are unkind to others I reflect on

people are unkind to others I reflect on

people are unkind to others I reflect on myself when I’m unkind to others I’m

myself when I’m unkind to others I’m

myself when I’m unkind to others I’m feeling fear anger insecurity

feeling fear anger insecurity

feeling fear anger insecurity we’re not unkind to others when we’re

we’re not unkind to others when we’re

we’re not unkind to others when we’re feeling love we’re when we’re feeling

feeling love we’re when we’re feeling

feeling love we’re when we’re feeling love we’re compassionate to others love

love we’re compassionate to others love

love we’re compassionate to others love is the most powerful emotion there is we

is the most powerful emotion there is we

is the most powerful emotion there is we can transform people by showing them

can transform people by showing them

can transform people by showing them love and our brain is our most powerful

love and our brain is our most powerful

love and our brain is our most powerful organ it controls our emotions and our

organ it controls our emotions and our

organ it controls our emotions and our actions by changing how I thought about

actions by changing how I thought about

actions by changing how I thought about my mother and reframing how I saw her I

my mother and reframing how I saw her I

my mother and reframing how I saw her I was able to forgive her today mom and I

was able to forgive her today mom and I

was able to forgive her today mom and I are each other’s closest friends we

are each other’s closest friends we

are each other’s closest friends we speak to each other

speak to each other

speak to each other every day at least once if not more

every day at least once if not more

every day at least once if not more because we love to communicate and share

because we love to communicate and share

because we love to communicate and share we travel the world together we’ve been

we travel the world together we’ve been

we travel the world together we’ve been traveling a lot with the film and in

traveling a lot with the film and in

traveling a lot with the film and in fact it is my mother who helped me shape

fact it is my mother who helped me shape

fact it is my mother who helped me shape this this this talk I am really grateful

this this this talk I am really grateful

this this this talk I am really grateful for this opportunity to share my story

for this opportunity to share my story

for this opportunity to share my story and my lessons learn to recap it’s three

and my lessons learn to recap it’s three

and my lessons learn to recap it’s three simple steps understand reframe and then

simple steps understand reframe and then

simple steps understand reframe and then you can forgive now I want to ask you to

you can forgive now I want to ask you to

you can forgive now I want to ask you to think about your own life who in your

think about your own life who in your

think about your own life who in your life has hurt you so badly that you have

life has hurt you so badly that you have

life has hurt you so badly that you have not been able to forgive them remember

not been able to forgive them remember

not been able to forgive them remember it is your choice whether to forgive or

it is your choice whether to forgive or

it is your choice whether to forgive or not we all have a story be the hero of

not we all have a story be the hero of

not we all have a story be the hero of your story not the victim thank you

your story not the victim thank you

your story not the victim thank you [Applause]

”

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