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The disarming magic of being sincere | Wout van Wengerden | TEDxSittardGeleen


well I’m vote and I have a laboratory

well I’m vote and I have a laboratory and I call it a laboratory of life it’s

and I call it a laboratory of life it’s

and I call it a laboratory of life it’s the Colette’s about a health and I am

the Colette’s about a health and I am

the Colette’s about a health and I am fascinated by people I’m fascinated by

fascinated by people I’m fascinated by

fascinated by people I’m fascinated by our ability to surpass ourselves and I

our ability to surpass ourselves and I

our ability to surpass ourselves and I walk around with questions like why do

walk around with questions like why do

walk around with questions like why do we all crave connection while we find it

we all crave connection while we find it

we all crave connection while we find it so hard to open up and why do we so

so hard to open up and why do we so

so hard to open up and why do we so often know what we should do and then

often know what we should do and then

often know what we should do and then not do it and why do I so often feel

not do it and why do I so often feel

not do it and why do I so often feel like I’m not a new not good enough well

well I was I was a professional pole

well I was I was a professional pole vaulter and at some point I was the

vaulter and at some point I was the

vaulter and at some point I was the number one in the country and I had a

number one in the country and I had a

number one in the country and I had a dream I was going to take part in the

dream I was going to take part in the

dream I was going to take part in the Olympics and I had worked for this my

Olympics and I had worked for this my

Olympics and I had worked for this my whole life

whole life

whole life I had good results and I had a strong

I had good results and I had a strong

I had good results and I had a strong team of coaches of sponsors and fans and

team of coaches of sponsors and fans and

team of coaches of sponsors and fans and I had a beautiful girlfriend beside me

I had a beautiful girlfriend beside me

I had a beautiful girlfriend beside me and I always I had a unique story to

and I always I had a unique story to

and I always I had a unique story to tell and I felt strong I felt good and I

tell and I felt strong I felt good and I

tell and I felt strong I felt good and I loved it but right before the Olympics

loved it but right before the Olympics

loved it but right before the Olympics in 2008 I heavily injured myself I

in 2008 I heavily injured myself I

in 2008 I heavily injured myself I couldn’t jump for one whole year and

couldn’t jump for one whole year and

couldn’t jump for one whole year and this moment has changed everything for

this moment has changed everything for

this moment has changed everything for me

me

me when I could jump again I couldn’t live

when I could jump again I couldn’t live

when I could jump again I couldn’t live up to all the expectations

aye-aye-aye aye-aye-aye thought I

aye-aye-aye aye-aye-aye thought I thought I wasn’t good enough I couldn’t

thought I wasn’t good enough I couldn’t

thought I wasn’t good enough I couldn’t live up to all the expectations and now

live up to all the expectations and now

live up to all the expectations and now I lost my lines I’m sorry I’m also

I lost my lines I’m sorry I’m also

I lost my lines I’m sorry I’m also afraid that it would this would happen

afraid that it would this would happen

afraid that it would this would happen I’m sorry

I’m sorry

I’m sorry thank you well this is where my talk is

thank you well this is where my talk is

thank you well this is where my talk is about I have to – well I was always

about I have to – well I was always

about I have to – well I was always afraid what the people thought of me I

afraid what the people thought of me I

afraid what the people thought of me I was I believed I truly believed that I

was I believed I truly believed that I

was I believed I truly believed that I only was somebody when I achieve so I

only was somebody when I achieve so I

only was somebody when I achieve so I was always busy achieving and and and I

was always busy achieving and and and I

was always busy achieving and and and I I slowly started to forget how much fun

I slowly started to forget how much fun

I slowly started to forget how much fun the pole-vaulting was and I remember in

the pole-vaulting was and I remember in

the pole-vaulting was and I remember in 2012 I was I was in this stadium filled

2012 I was I was in this stadium filled

2012 I was I was in this stadium filled with 15,000 people and I was sitting

with 15,000 people and I was sitting

with 15,000 people and I was sitting there on a bench in the field and I

there on a bench in the field and I

there on a bench in the field and I looked around me and I and I felt more

looked around me and I and I felt more

looked around me and I and I felt more lonely than I ever did before I was

lonely than I ever did before I was

lonely than I ever did before I was ashamed of who I was at that moment and

ashamed of who I was at that moment and

ashamed of who I was at that moment and after this competition I decided to quit

after this competition I decided to quit

after this competition I decided to quit and when I quit I felt liberated huh III

and when I quit I felt liberated huh III

and when I quit I felt liberated huh III I lost the feeling of having to perform

I lost the feeling of having to perform

I lost the feeling of having to perform the whole time and I started doing all

the whole time and I started doing all

the whole time and I started doing all the things I couldn’t do as a

the things I couldn’t do as a

the things I couldn’t do as a professional athlete girls I went to

professional athlete girls I went to

professional athlete girls I went to parties lots of alcohol lots of alcohol

parties lots of alcohol lots of alcohol

parties lots of alcohol lots of alcohol and I was offered a good job by one of

and I was offered a good job by one of

and I was offered a good job by one of my sponsor companies much for old

my sponsor companies much for old

my sponsor companies much for old sponsor companies and as soon as I

sponsor companies and as soon as I

sponsor companies and as soon as I started there this feeling of not enough

started there this feeling of not enough

started there this feeling of not enough came back to me

came back to me

came back to me and it started to either eat away at me

and it started to either eat away at me

and it started to either eat away at me and this is when I started my laboratory

and this is when I started my laboratory

and this is when I started my laboratory I needed to understand what life was

I needed to understand what life was

I needed to understand what life was about why did I feel so much anxiety and

about why did I feel so much anxiety and

about why did I feel so much anxiety and so much insecurity the whole time so I

so much insecurity the whole time so I

so much insecurity the whole time so I started watching loads of TED Talks

started watching loads of TED Talks

started watching loads of TED Talks III read articles and books about

III read articles and books about

III read articles and books about self-development and I surrounded myself

self-development and I surrounded myself

self-development and I surrounded myself with like-minded people I found a mentor

with like-minded people I found a mentor

with like-minded people I found a mentor and I bought a camera and I started to

and I bought a camera and I started to

and I bought a camera and I started to interview if I started asking questions

interview if I started asking questions

interview if I started asking questions about life to hundreds of people on the

about life to hundreds of people on the

about life to hundreds of people on the streets and I interviewed famous people

streets and I interviewed famous people

streets and I interviewed famous people I interviewed successful people type

I interviewed successful people type

I interviewed successful people type psychologists basically everybody and my

psychologists basically everybody and my

psychologists basically everybody and my favorite question was what have you

favorite question was what have you

favorite question was what have you learned from life so far Marcel

learned from life so far Marcel

learned from life so far Marcel the vision look is it fun look she’s

the vision look is it fun look she’s

the vision look is it fun look she’s duflot for watch all things actually I

duflot for watch all things actually I

duflot for watch all things actually I think yeah it’s the black comedy show

think yeah it’s the black comedy show

think yeah it’s the black comedy show after shame and she’d hit on my mic I’m

after shame and she’d hit on my mic I’m

after shame and she’d hit on my mic I’m gonna say off the ding of me I would say

gonna say off the ding of me I would say

gonna say off the ding of me I would say every hero is vulnerable in some way or

every hero is vulnerable in some way or

every hero is vulnerable in some way or another and I guess you could say I mean

another and I guess you could say I mean

another and I guess you could say I mean water bowl is here oh well at some point

water bowl is here oh well at some point

water bowl is here oh well at some point people around me went crazy with all of

people around me went crazy with all of

people around me went crazy with all of my questions but I started to see this

my questions but I started to see this

my questions but I started to see this pattern I started to look at life like I

pattern I started to look at life like I

pattern I started to look at life like I said if it’s a journey with full of

said if it’s a journey with full of

said if it’s a journey with full of challenges in which we we we can accept

challenges in which we we we can accept

challenges in which we we we can accept accept those challenges and we fight or

accept those challenges and we fight or

accept those challenges and we fight or we run away and my pattern was to run

we run away and my pattern was to run

we run away and my pattern was to run away i I was wearing a mask often and I

away i I was wearing a mask often and I

away i I was wearing a mask often and I I tried to be someone I was not I

I tried to be someone I was not I

I tried to be someone I was not I avoided all this difficult situation

avoided all this difficult situation

avoided all this difficult situation just because I was afraid that people

just because I was afraid that people

just because I was afraid that people would reject me that I wouldn’t be good

would reject me that I wouldn’t be good

would reject me that I wouldn’t be good enough and what I saw the last couple of

enough and what I saw the last couple of

enough and what I saw the last couple of years is that I’m not the only one

years is that I’m not the only one

years is that I’m not the only one struggling with this loads of people are

struggling with this loads of people are

struggling with this loads of people are struggling with this but the lessons I

struggling with this but the lessons I

struggling with this but the lessons I learned in my laboratory told me that

learned in my laboratory told me that

learned in my laboratory told me that you can’t run away from yourself yeah

you can’t run away from yourself yeah

you can’t run away from yourself yeah you can but you will never find

you can but you will never find

you can but you will never find fulfillment the lessons told me the real

fulfillment the lessons told me the real

fulfillment the lessons told me the real solution lies within yourself within

solution lies within yourself within

solution lies within yourself within these confrontations and and and and and

these confrontations and and and and and

these confrontations and and and and and you can’t you wouldn’t come

you can’t you wouldn’t come

you can’t you wouldn’t come winning these confrontations and okay

winning these confrontations and okay

winning these confrontations and okay and I’m sorry I lost it again

and I’m sorry I lost it again

and I’m sorry I lost it again so you have to start listening to your

so you have to start listening to your

so you have to start listening to your inner call to adventure to your inner

inner call to adventure to your inner

inner call to adventure to your inner voice whatever that meant well I

voice whatever that meant well I

voice whatever that meant well I remember I was once spent 24 hours with

remember I was once spent 24 hours with

remember I was once spent 24 hours with a 62 year old pastor just to get Miguel

a 62 year old pastor just to get Miguel

a 62 year old pastor just to get Miguel to find inspiration and he told me about

to find inspiration and he told me about

to find inspiration and he told me about life like like it was an onion in the

life like like it was an onion in the

life like like it was an onion in the core is who you are and to get there you

core is who you are and to get there you

core is who you are and to get there you have to develop yourself

have to develop yourself

have to develop yourself you have to unwind the onion and it can

you have to unwind the onion and it can

you have to unwind the onion and it can take an entire lifetime to get there

take an entire lifetime to get there

take an entire lifetime to get there well what I believe that he meant with

well what I believe that he meant with

well what I believe that he meant with this is that there’s a lot of things

this is that there’s a lot of things

this is that there’s a lot of things inside of us that we don’t know about

inside of us that we don’t know about

inside of us that we don’t know about ourselves yet or we don’t want to see or

ourselves yet or we don’t want to see or

ourselves yet or we don’t want to see or we don’t want to show to other people so

we don’t want to show to other people so

we don’t want to show to other people so any solution was we had to take if I had

any solution was we had to take if I had

any solution was we had to take if I had to take an honest look at myself and

to take an honest look at myself and

to take an honest look at myself and stop denying the things that I see so I

stop denying the things that I see so I

stop denying the things that I see so I had to find a way to start listening to

had to find a way to start listening to

had to find a way to start listening to myself better well I remember I took

myself better well I remember I took

myself better well I remember I took part in this this experience organized

part in this this experience organized

part in this this experience organized by I an aerco and it was about self

by I an aerco and it was about self

by I an aerco and it was about self exploration you might know re an aerco

exploration you might know re an aerco

exploration you might know re an aerco he has been taken hostage for 600 seven

he has been taken hostage for 600 seven

he has been taken hostage for 600 seven days in Dagestan in 2002 and this day I

days in Dagestan in 2002 and this day I

days in Dagestan in 2002 and this day I had to sit in jail for a full day barely

had to sit in jail for a full day barely

had to sit in jail for a full day barely any food no phone no people around me

any food no phone no people around me

any food no phone no people around me just me myself and I and after a couple

just me myself and I and after a couple

just me myself and I and after a couple of hours after a couple of hours of

of hours after a couple of hours of

of hours after a couple of hours of sitting still and walking back and forth

sitting still and walking back and forth

sitting still and walking back and forth I received an envelope and within this

I received an envelope and within this

I received an envelope and within this envelope were two questions the first

envelope were two questions the first

envelope were two questions the first question was what is it that’s keeping

question was what is it that’s keeping

question was what is it that’s keeping you hostage in life so what is it that’s

you hostage in life so what is it that’s

you hostage in life so what is it that’s keeping you hostage in life is it a role

keeping you hostage in life is it a role

keeping you hostage in life is it a role at work that doesn’t fit you

at work that doesn’t fit you

at work that doesn’t fit you is it your perfectionism is it that you

is it your perfectionism is it that you

is it your perfectionism is it that you are afraid to to to have an honest

are afraid to to to have an honest

are afraid to to to have an honest conversation with someone is it the

conversation with someone is it the

conversation with someone is it the dreams you don’t chase is it your fear

dreams you don’t chase is it your fear

dreams you don’t chase is it your fear of failure well and the second question

of failure well and the second question

of failure well and the second question was how are you going to free yourself

was how are you going to free yourself

was how are you going to free yourself of this well what I found out seeing

of this well what I found out seeing

of this well what I found out seeing what it is see looking at yourself and

what it is see looking at yourself and

what it is see looking at yourself and seeing what it is is it’s maybe the

seeing what it is is it’s maybe the

seeing what it is is it’s maybe the hardest part of it all what you see and

hardest part of it all what you see and

hardest part of it all what you see and what I wrote down were things like my my

what I wrote down were things like my my

what I wrote down were things like my my father who was like the best man in the

father who was like the best man in the

father who was like the best man in the world I love this this man but he’s he

world I love this this man but he’s he

world I love this this man but he’s he always speaks the truth and I don’t want

always speaks the truth and I don’t want

always speaks the truth and I don’t want to disappoint my father what I wrote

to disappoint my father what I wrote

to disappoint my father what I wrote down were was was the the fear that that

down were was was the the fear that that

down were was was the the fear that that that that that I would be dead I am

that that that I would be dead I am

that that that I would be dead I am different and the idea that

different and the idea that

different and the idea that people expect me to always be

people expect me to always be

people expect me to always be enthusiastic and to always be happy well

enthusiastic and to always be happy well

enthusiastic and to always be happy well the thing is if you start to take a look

the thing is if you start to take a look

the thing is if you start to take a look at yourself the things you see this is

at yourself the things you see this is

at yourself the things you see this is who you are

who you are

who you are those things are who is who you are and

those things are who is who you are and

those things are who is who you are and if you deny what what lives inside of

if you deny what what lives inside of

if you deny what what lives inside of you if you deny it or you avoid it

you if you deny it or you avoid it

you if you deny it or you avoid it you’re basically rejecting yourself

you’re basically rejecting yourself

you’re basically rejecting yourself you’re saying to yourself that what I

you’re saying to yourself that what I

you’re saying to yourself that what I feel inside is not enough and I walk

feel inside is not enough and I walk

feel inside is not enough and I walk away from it

away from it

away from it so to start listening what it is you see

so to start listening what it is you see

so to start listening what it is you see is an accepting what you see is one but

is an accepting what you see is one but

is an accepting what you see is one but do you also accept the challenge that

do you also accept the challenge that

do you also accept the challenge that comes with it or well I do well so what

comes with it or well I do well so what

comes with it or well I do well so what I learned is that you do to free

I learned is that you do to free

I learned is that you do to free yourself you have to confront those

yourself you have to confront those

yourself you have to confront those fears does this discomfort and with

fears does this discomfort and with

fears does this discomfort and with confrontation I mean that you that you

confrontation I mean that you that you

confrontation I mean that you that you you do the things you actually believe

you do the things you actually believe

you do the things you actually believe you should do and be open and honest

you should do and be open and honest

you should do and be open and honest about your intentions you have to be

about your intentions you have to be

about your intentions you have to be honest about your intentions raw pure

honest about your intentions raw pure

honest about your intentions raw pure rough vulnerability and I believe I

rough vulnerability and I believe I

rough vulnerability and I believe I really do believe this is a choice you

really do believe this is a choice you

really do believe this is a choice you can make whether do you show who you are

can make whether do you show who you are

can make whether do you show who you are or do you hide do you run away well and

or do you hide do you run away well and

or do you hide do you run away well and this is difficult this makes you

this is difficult this makes you

this is difficult this makes you vulnerable but this is what my

vulnerable but this is what my

vulnerable but this is what my laboratory is about every time I feel

laboratory is about every time I feel

laboratory is about every time I feel this fear I feel this discomfort I try

this fear I feel this discomfort I try

this fear I feel this discomfort I try to look at it and to see what what I

to look at it and to see what what I

to look at it and to see what what I really feel feels feel is right and I do

really feel feels feel is right and I do

really feel feels feel is right and I do take the action that I believe is

take the action that I believe is

take the action that I believe is necessary and it’s hard every time but

necessary and it’s hard every time but

necessary and it’s hard every time but what what happens is is truly magic it’s

what what happens is is truly magic it’s

what what happens is is truly magic it’s magic what happens and and for some some

magic what happens and and for some some

magic what happens and and for some some examples well I told my father that

examples well I told my father that

examples well I told my father that about the fact that he made me feel

about the fact that he made me feel

about the fact that he made me feel imprisoned and instead of him being

imprisoned and instead of him being

imprisoned and instead of him being disappointed

disappointed

disappointed he told me he was proud of me and and

he told me he was proud of me and and

he told me he was proud of me and and and I remember one time I didn’t have

and I remember one time I didn’t have

and I remember one time I didn’t have any money I was I was a pure panic and I

any money I was I was a pure panic and I

any money I was I was a pure panic and I had to ask my best friend and I was

had to ask my best friend and I was

had to ask my best friend and I was ashamed of the fact I couldn’t save

ashamed of the fact I couldn’t save

ashamed of the fact I couldn’t save myself and I asked him and instead of

myself and I asked him and instead of

myself and I asked him and instead of him being it instead of him saying no he

him being it instead of him saying no he

him being it instead of him saying no he was glad he could help me and I remember

was glad he could help me and I remember

was glad he could help me and I remember after a couple of days with a girl I

after a couple of days with a girl I

after a couple of days with a girl I went home with her for the first time

went home with her for the first time

went home with her for the first time and I felt pressure because I thought I

and I felt pressure because I thought I

and I felt pressure because I thought I had to make a move and I decided to open

had to make a move and I decided to open

had to make a move and I decided to open up about it and it liberated us because

up about it and it liberated us because

up about it and it liberated us because she felt the same and this keeps on

she felt the same and this keeps on

she felt the same and this keeps on happening every time like magic in our

happening every time like magic in our

happening every time like magic in our areas in my life and before I would run

areas in my life and before I would run

areas in my life and before I would run away I would avoid this situation but

away I would avoid this situation but

away I would avoid this situation but now I now I do it and and every time

now I now I do it and and every time

now I now I do it and and every time something happens so I found out it is

something happens so I found out it is

something happens so I found out it is it is sincerity connects people it

it is sincerity connects people it

it is sincerity connects people it connects people so and no it doesn’t

connects people so and no it doesn’t

connects people so and no it doesn’t always work it’s not a trick sometimes

always work it’s not a trick sometimes

always work it’s not a trick sometimes you fail but those turn out to be the

you fail but those turn out to be the

you fail but those turn out to be the strongest moment of growth so what is

strongest moment of growth so what is

strongest moment of growth so what is the treasure I found the treasure I

the treasure I found the treasure I

the treasure I found the treasure I found is that by being loyal with myself

found is that by being loyal with myself

found is that by being loyal with myself by doing the things that I actually

by doing the things that I actually

by doing the things that I actually believed that are right that makes me

believed that are right that makes me

believed that are right that makes me trust myself this is what makes me trust

trust myself this is what makes me trust

trust myself this is what makes me trust myself and makes my confidence grow and

myself and makes my confidence grow and

myself and makes my confidence grow and every time I show up and with all of my

every time I show up and with all of my

every time I show up and with all of my imperfections with everything that’s not

imperfections with everything that’s not

imperfections with everything that’s not good not right about me it turns out

good not right about me it turns out

good not right about me it turns out that it is enough I am enough and you

that it is enough I am enough and you

that it is enough I am enough and you are enough well and the second thing is

are enough well and the second thing is

are enough well and the second thing is at the same time my relationship with a

at the same time my relationship with a

at the same time my relationship with a relationship start growing because

relationship start growing because

relationship start growing because because when you when you be real you

because when you when you be real you

because when you when you be real you drop your mask people connect with you

drop your mask people connect with you

drop your mask people connect with you because they recognize themselves in you

because they recognize themselves in you

because they recognize themselves in you because we all struggle with the same

because we all struggle with the same

because we all struggle with the same things we all struggle with the same

things we all struggle with the same

things we all struggle with the same things and besides that if you drop your

things and besides that if you drop your

things and besides that if you drop your mask how you give the other one

mask how you give the other one

mask how you give the other one permission to drop their mask as well

permission to drop their mask as well

permission to drop their mask as well and this is what connects you don’t need

and this is what connects you don’t need

and this is what connects you don’t need a mask anymore

a mask anymore

a mask anymore so to end with I would like to to invite

so to end with I would like to to invite

so to end with I would like to to invite you all to start your own laboratory and

you all to start your own laboratory and

you all to start your own laboratory and start listening tour due to your call to

start listening tour due to your call to

start listening tour due to your call to adventure what is it that really

adventure what is it that really

adventure what is it that really inside of you and accept what it is and

inside of you and accept what it is and

inside of you and accept what it is and challenge it fight fail get up again and

challenge it fight fail get up again and

challenge it fight fail get up again and find the treasure you are looking for

find the treasure you are looking for

find the treasure you are looking for and this is what I learned from life so

and this is what I learned from life so

and this is what I learned from life so far thank you

far thank you

far thank you [Music]

”

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