[Music] [Applause]
they’d let us at these there’s a little
they’d let us at these there’s a little girl she’s about five years old my
girl she’s about five years old my
girl she’s about five years old my father says she looks up at the TV to
father says she looks up at the TV to
father says she looks up at the TV to which she thinks is a woman sucking on
which she thinks is a woman sucking on
which she thinks is a woman sucking on Holika she’s worth it asked with her
Holika she’s worth it asked with her
Holika she’s worth it asked with her father almost every day she remembers
father almost every day she remembers
father almost every day she remembers how visit pillow underneath his arms
how visit pillow underneath his arms
how visit pillow underneath his arms which you could sneak off still smelling
which you could sneak off still smelling
which you could sneak off still smelling your beer on his brother she lives in
your beer on his brother she lives in
your beer on his brother she lives in constant fear that her stay at home
constant fear that her stay at home
constant fear that her stay at home alcoholic father will hurt her she will
alcoholic father will hurt her she will
alcoholic father will hurt her she will learn to live with physical sexual
learn to live with physical sexual
learn to live with physical sexual emotional and verbal abuse all the while
emotional and verbal abuse all the while
emotional and verbal abuse all the while acting as if everything is okay well
acting as if everything is okay well
acting as if everything is okay well that little growth me from being a
that little growth me from being a
that little growth me from being a victim of abuse to being a survivor
victim of abuse to being a survivor
victim of abuse to being a survivor using the 3 G’s the 3 G’s are getting
using the 3 G’s the 3 G’s are getting
using the 3 G’s the 3 G’s are getting honest getting help in getting home now
honest getting help in getting home now
honest getting help in getting home now let me start out by telling you the
let me start out by telling you the
let me start out by telling you the facts about abuse in this country one in
facts about abuse in this country one in
facts about abuse in this country one in four women and one in six men will be
four women and one in six men will be
four women and one in six men will be victims of sexual assault before or have
victims of sexual assault before or have
victims of sexual assault before or have reported being victims of sexual assault
reported being victims of sexual assault
reported being victims of sexual assault before the age of 18 I remember just a
before the age of 18 I remember just a
before the age of 18 I remember just a few weeks ago I was at my gynecologist
few weeks ago I was at my gynecologist
few weeks ago I was at my gynecologist office and she told me that one in eight
office and she told me that one in eight
office and she told me that one in eight women will develop breast cancer in
women will develop breast cancer in
women will develop breast cancer in their lifetime and she told me
their lifetime and she told me
their lifetime and she told me preventive measures and signs and
preventive measures and signs and
preventive measures and signs and symptoms of breast
symptoms of breast
symptoms of breast sir and I remember seeing the breast
sir and I remember seeing the breast
sir and I remember seeing the breast cancer awareness ribbon and just last
cancer awareness ribbon and just last
cancer awareness ribbon and just last month was breast cancer awareness month
month was breast cancer awareness month
month was breast cancer awareness month and I thought about how great an effort
and I thought about how great an effort
and I thought about how great an effort was being made to remedy this problem of
was being made to remedy this problem of
was being made to remedy this problem of a breast cancer and on the way home and
a breast cancer and on the way home and
a breast cancer and on the way home and hit me one in eight versus one and four
hit me one in eight versus one and four
hit me one in eight versus one and four and one in six girls and boys that will
and one in six girls and boys that will
and one in six girls and boys that will be sexually assaulted before the age of
be sexually assaulted before the age of
be sexually assaulted before the age of 18 the CDC released a report earlier
18 the CDC released a report earlier
18 the CDC released a report earlier this year that states just one year of
this year that states just one year of
this year that states just one year of confirmed cases of child abuse and
confirmed cases of child abuse and
confirmed cases of child abuse and neglect would cost our country 124
neglect would cost our country 124
neglect would cost our country 124 billion dollars over the course of their
billion dollars over the course of their
billion dollars over the course of their lifetime and let me explain that I know
lifetime and let me explain that I know
lifetime and let me explain that I know it just sounds like mathematical and
it just sounds like mathematical and
it just sounds like mathematical and kind of hard to understand so just one
kind of hard to understand so just one
kind of hard to understand so just one year of confirmed cases of abuse and
year of confirmed cases of abuse and
year of confirmed cases of abuse and neglect
neglect
neglect that’s about roughly 700,000 and my
that’s about roughly 700,000 and my
that’s about roughly 700,000 and my confirmed cases that’s only the very tip
confirmed cases that’s only the very tip
confirmed cases that’s only the very tip of the iceberg because those are only
of the iceberg because those are only
of the iceberg because those are only the cases that were brought to the
the cases that were brought to the
the cases that were brought to the attention of Child Welfare which is a
attention of Child Welfare which is a
attention of Child Welfare which is a small small fraction of the abuse that
small small fraction of the abuse that
small small fraction of the abuse that is actually happening in this country so
is actually happening in this country so
is actually happening in this country so just a year of those confirmed cases
just a year of those confirmed cases
just a year of those confirmed cases would cost our country 124 billion
would cost our country 124 billion
would cost our country 124 billion dollars and you’re probably wondering
dollars and you’re probably wondering
dollars and you’re probably wondering where is all that money going towards
where is all that money going towards
where is all that money going towards well that money is going towards systems
well that money is going towards systems
well that money is going towards systems like special education in the justice
like special education in the justice
like special education in the justice system and child welfare and rehabs
system and child welfare and rehabs
system and child welfare and rehabs because the chances that a survivor of
because the chances that a survivor of
because the chances that a survivor of abuse will be a part of one of those
abuse will be a part of one of those
abuse will be a part of one of those is dramatically higher than those who
is dramatically higher than those who
is dramatically higher than those who have never been through any form of
have never been through any form of
have never been through any form of abuse and the statistic I would like to
abuse and the statistic I would like to
abuse and the statistic I would like to end on because it’s the one that
end on because it’s the one that
end on because it’s the one that impacted me the most is that over 1/2 of
impacted me the most is that over 1/2 of
impacted me the most is that over 1/2 of people diagnosed with mental illness in
people diagnosed with mental illness in
people diagnosed with mental illness in this country have been through some form
this country have been through some form
this country have been through some form of abuse or trauma in their lifetime let
of abuse or trauma in their lifetime let
of abuse or trauma in their lifetime let me repeat that over 1/2 of people with a
me repeat that over 1/2 of people with a
me repeat that over 1/2 of people with a mental illness in this country have been
mental illness in this country have been
mental illness in this country have been through some form of abuse or trauma in
through some form of abuse or trauma in
through some form of abuse or trauma in their lifetime
their lifetime
their lifetime so now that we can kind of recognize the
so now that we can kind of recognize the
so now that we can kind of recognize the epidemic that abuse is in this country I
epidemic that abuse is in this country I
epidemic that abuse is in this country I want to ask you all question
want to ask you all question
want to ask you all question who here is Pro abuse who here is just
who here is Pro abuse who here is just
who here is Pro abuse who here is just gung-ho and really for abuse yes what I
gung-ho and really for abuse yes what I
gung-ho and really for abuse yes what I thought right no one and I’d go so far
thought right no one and I’d go so far
thought right no one and I’d go so far as to say that’s probably a common
as to say that’s probably a common
as to say that’s probably a common belief around our country so then
belief around our country so then
belief around our country so then where’s the controversy well there’s a
where’s the controversy well there’s a
where’s the controversy well there’s a huge discrepancy between our common
huge discrepancy between our common
huge discrepancy between our common beliefs and our common actions as a
beliefs and our common actions as a
beliefs and our common actions as a country relating to abuse there are many
country relating to abuse there are many
country relating to abuse there are many contributing factors to this gap and I
contributing factors to this gap and I
contributing factors to this gap and I just want to touch on a few I think that
just want to touch on a few I think that
just want to touch on a few I think that the main contributing factor are
the main contributing factor are
the main contributing factor are societal norms and as a country were
societal norms and as a country were
societal norms and as a country were generally conservative we would like to
generally conservative we would like to
generally conservative we would like to keep the government and other families
keep the government and other families
keep the government and other families out of our intimate family details right
out of our intimate family details right
out of our intimate family details right well that poses an issue because 76
well that poses an issue because 76
well that poses an issue because 76 percent of child sexual abuse is
percent of child sexual abuse is
percent of child sexual abuse is committed by a family member or an
committed by a family member or an
committed by a family member or an intimate
intimate
intimate my friend we also as a country like to
my friend we also as a country like to
my friend we also as a country like to stay away from the taboo and abuse is
stay away from the taboo and abuse is
stay away from the taboo and abuse is uncomfortable for people who have been
uncomfortable for people who have been
uncomfortable for people who have been through it and people who have it and I
through it and people who have it and I
through it and people who have it and I understand that but it creates a culture
understand that but it creates a culture
understand that but it creates a culture of silence around the issue of abuse
of silence around the issue of abuse
of silence around the issue of abuse which keeps it hidden and in denial
which keeps it hidden and in denial
which keeps it hidden and in denial there’s also laws and policies that keep
there’s also laws and policies that keep
there’s also laws and policies that keep this gap from getting smaller for
this gap from getting smaller for
this gap from getting smaller for example these statutes of limitation
example these statutes of limitation
example these statutes of limitation what that is is a law for people who’ve
what that is is a law for people who’ve
what that is is a law for people who’ve been through sexual assault or sexual
been through sexual assault or sexual
been through sexual assault or sexual abuse and it limits the amount of time
abuse and it limits the amount of time
abuse and it limits the amount of time that these victims are able to charge
that these victims are able to charge
that these victims are able to charge their abuser so we as a country think
their abuser so we as a country think
their abuser so we as a country think that abuse is wrong and that
that abuse is wrong and that
that abuse is wrong and that perpetrators should be punished or at
perpetrators should be punished or at
perpetrators should be punished or at least face up to their crimes then why
least face up to their crimes then why
least face up to their crimes then why would we have a law that prohibits the
would we have a law that prohibits the
would we have a law that prohibits the amount of time a survivor abuse can get
amount of time a survivor abuse can get
amount of time a survivor abuse can get justice and in most states it’s less
justice and in most states it’s less
justice and in most states it’s less than 10 years for me it took about 16
than 10 years for me it took about 16
than 10 years for me it took about 16 and that’s the lesser side so the
and that’s the lesser side so the
and that’s the lesser side so the contributing factors are the norms and
contributing factors are the norms and
contributing factors are the norms and the silencing the laws of policies so to
the silencing the laws of policies so to
the silencing the laws of policies so to remedy that we need to get honest about
remedy that we need to get honest about
remedy that we need to get honest about this issue which brings us to our first
this issue which brings us to our first
this issue which brings us to our first G getting honest individual survivors
G getting honest individual survivors
G getting honest individual survivors have some barriers some internal and
have some barriers some internal and
have some barriers some internal and external barriers some external barriers
external barriers some external barriers
external barriers some external barriers include a victim blame such as she was
include a victim blame such as she was
include a victim blame such as she was really drunk she should have known that
really drunk she should have known that
really drunk she should have known that was going to happen or in domestic
was going to happen or in domestic
was going to happen or in domestic violence situations why doesn’t she just
violence situations why doesn’t she just
violence situations why doesn’t she just leave or she always picks partners like
leave or she always picks partners like
leave or she always picks partners like this it must be what she’s looking for
this it must be what she’s looking for
this it must be what she’s looking for well let me remind you all that victims
well let me remind you all that victims
well let me remind you all that victims do not choose their
do not choose their
do not choose their users abusers choose their victims in a
users abusers choose their victims in a
users abusers choose their victims in a domestic violence situations it’s very
domestic violence situations it’s very
domestic violence situations it’s very dangerous and sometimes deadly to leave
dangerous and sometimes deadly to leave
dangerous and sometimes deadly to leave some internal barriers to getting honest
some internal barriers to getting honest
some internal barriers to getting honest as a survivor of abuse are some feelings
as a survivor of abuse are some feelings
as a survivor of abuse are some feelings and fears some of the main fears are
and fears some of the main fears are
and fears some of the main fears are fear of not being believed which is very
fear of not being believed which is very
fear of not being believed which is very common on even family members and
common on even family members and
common on even family members and society at large and also fear of being
society at large and also fear of being
society at large and also fear of being judged as if for some reason it’s our
judged as if for some reason it’s our
judged as if for some reason it’s our fault
fault
fault there are also deep feelings of guilt
there are also deep feelings of guilt
there are also deep feelings of guilt and shame which leads to the biggest
and shame which leads to the biggest
and shame which leads to the biggest roadblock at all which is denial which I
roadblock at all which is denial which I
roadblock at all which is denial which I already touched on I have some
already touched on I have some
already touched on I have some experience with denial in May of 2014 I
experience with denial in May of 2014 I
experience with denial in May of 2014 I had a flashback I was working on an
had a flashback I was working on an
had a flashback I was working on an assignment that procrastinated on in
assignment that procrastinated on in
assignment that procrastinated on in college when all of a sudden I had a
college when all of a sudden I had a
college when all of a sudden I had a flashback of sexual abuse and I had
flashback of sexual abuse and I had
flashback of sexual abuse and I had recognized the physical and the verbal
recognized the physical and the verbal
recognized the physical and the verbal and the emotional but it wasn’t until
and the emotional but it wasn’t until
and the emotional but it wasn’t until this point that tipped me over into the
this point that tipped me over into the
this point that tipped me over into the awareness I couldn’t get out of bed for
awareness I couldn’t get out of bed for
awareness I couldn’t get out of bed for a week and I knew I needed to get help
a week and I knew I needed to get help
a week and I knew I needed to get help which leads us to our second G getting
which leads us to our second G getting
which leads us to our second G getting help now
help now
help now society and individuals need help with
society and individuals need help with
society and individuals need help with this issue so we can come together and
this issue so we can come together and
this issue so we can come together and do something about it
do something about it
do something about it society can break some of the barriers
society can break some of the barriers
society can break some of the barriers that talked about earlier like
recognizing that this is happening math
recognizing that this is happening math numbers they can not we can also change
numbers they can not we can also change
numbers they can not we can also change policies and laws as a society that
policies and laws as a society that
policies and laws as a society that better reflect the interests of
better reflect the interests of
better reflect the interests of survivors with individuals abuse does
survivors with individuals abuse does
survivors with individuals abuse does not discriminate on age or race or
not discriminate on age or race or
not discriminate on age or race or gender or religion or state so therefore
gender or religion or state so therefore
gender or religion or state so therefore the things that we do to get help will
the things that we do to get help will
the things that we do to get help will be passively different I
be passively different I
be passively different I survivors tell me that they feel through
survivors tell me that they feel through
survivors tell me that they feel through meditation through yoga to deal with
meditation through yoga to deal with
meditation through yoga to deal with their trauma turning to religion is
their trauma turning to religion is
their trauma turning to religion is simply turning to the loved ones in
simply turning to the loved ones in
simply turning to the loved ones in their lives and expressly what happened
their lives and expressly what happened
their lives and expressly what happened they’re talking about how to heal I
personally got professional help and got
personally got professional help and got sober and I’m not alone 2/3 of
sober and I’m not alone 2/3 of
sober and I’m not alone 2/3 of individuals in rehabs have been through
individuals in rehabs have been through
individuals in rehabs have been through some form of abuse 2/3 that’s too high
some form of abuse 2/3 that’s too high
some form of abuse 2/3 that’s too high of a percentage after about a year into
of a percentage after about a year into
of a percentage after about a year into my healing journey of getting help I
my healing journey of getting help I
my healing journey of getting help I decided I needed to give help which
decided I needed to give help which
decided I needed to give help which brings us to our last gene giving help I
brings us to our last gene giving help I
brings us to our last gene giving help I started a little organization called
started a little organization called
started a little organization called bears share care and what we do is raise
bears share care and what we do is raise
bears share care and what we do is raise awareness about abuse and send booklets
awareness about abuse and send booklets
awareness about abuse and send booklets to survivors of abuse and what those
to survivors of abuse and what those
to survivors of abuse and what those booklets include are positive
booklets include are positive
booklets include are positive affirmations that help from that anxiety
affirmations that help from that anxiety
affirmations that help from that anxiety shame guilt it includes signs and
shame guilt it includes signs and
shame guilt it includes signs and symptoms of abuse a section of my
symptoms of abuse a section of my
symptoms of abuse a section of my personal story empowering songs and
personal story empowering songs and
personal story empowering songs and quotes it even includes celebrities who
quotes it even includes celebrities who
quotes it even includes celebrities who have been through abuse such as Oprah
have been through abuse such as Oprah
have been through abuse such as Oprah Winfrey I had a had a woman reached out
Winfrey I had a had a woman reached out
Winfrey I had a had a woman reached out to me after she got receiving the
to me after she got receiving the
to me after she got receiving the booklet and told me that she decided to
booklet and told me that she decided to
booklet and told me that she decided to leave her husband abusive
leave her husband abusive
leave her husband abusive and of twenty years and get her and her
and of twenty years and get her and her
and of twenty years and get her and her daughter out of that situation and what
daughter out of that situation and what
daughter out of that situation and what that taught me was what an intrical part
that taught me was what an intrical part
that taught me was what an intrical part this was to complete my healing journey
this was to complete my healing journey
this was to complete my healing journey I created the 3GS retrospectively
I created the 3GS retrospectively
I created the 3GS retrospectively looking back on my journey and I
looking back on my journey and I
looking back on my journey and I realized how important this issue is and
realized how important this issue is and
realized how important this issue is and how little is actually being done about
how little is actually being done about
how little is actually being done about it and how little it’s being talked
it and how little it’s being talked
it and how little it’s being talked about the chances that a survivor of
about the chances that a survivor of
about the chances that a survivor of abuse will enter into an abusive
abuse will enter into an abusive
abuse will enter into an abusive relationship have children and continue
relationship have children and continue
relationship have children and continue the cycle of abuse are remarkably higher
the cycle of abuse are remarkably higher
the cycle of abuse are remarkably higher than those who have never been through
than those who have never been through
than those who have never been through any form of abuse I know I touched on
any form of abuse I know I touched on
any form of abuse I know I touched on some laws and policies earlier and the
some laws and policies earlier and the
some laws and policies earlier and the law that’s currently in place in most
law that’s currently in place in most
law that’s currently in place in most states like 49 of them is the force
states like 49 of them is the force
states like 49 of them is the force requirement and this is a law that
requirement and this is a law that
requirement and this is a law that requires a victim of sexual assault to
requires a victim of sexual assault to
requires a victim of sexual assault to be able to prove the assault via force
be able to prove the assault via force
be able to prove the assault via force or threat of force and as it can we can
or threat of force and as it can we can
or threat of force and as it can we can kind of imagine force doesn’t always
kind of imagine force doesn’t always
kind of imagine force doesn’t always leave bruises and threat of force verbal
leave bruises and threat of force verbal
leave bruises and threat of force verbal force can pretty much never be proven
[Music]
[Music] they’ve enacted an affirmative consent
they’ve enacted an affirmative consent
they’ve enacted an affirmative consent law which basically just means that a
law which basically just means that a
law which basically just means that a survive that any person in a sexual act
survive that any person in a sexual act
survive that any person in a sexual act needs to consent to the act and I know
needs to consent to the act and I know
needs to consent to the act and I know that that’s imperfect and kind of
that that’s imperfect and kind of
that that’s imperfect and kind of awkward right but at least it shows an
awkward right but at least it shows an
awkward right but at least it shows an effort to do something about this issue
effort to do something about this issue
effort to do something about this issue in a huge step forward so you know that
in a huge step forward so you know that
in a huge step forward so you know that little girl I told you about earlier she
little girl I told you about earlier she
little girl I told you about earlier she is still working on herself she works to
is still working on herself she works to
is still working on herself she works to heal almost everyday she’s finally
heal almost everyday she’s finally
heal almost everyday she’s finally learning to trust herself and those
learning to trust herself and those
learning to trust herself and those around her for the
around her for the
around her for the time in her life she is slightly
time in her life she is slightly
time in her life she is slightly learning into love I want you all to
learning into love I want you all to
learning into love I want you all to remember that year I hear that this idea
remember that year I hear that this idea
remember that year I hear that this idea we can change our state we can change
we can change our state we can change
we can change our state we can change our nation we can change the world we
our nation we can change the world we
our nation we can change the world we can stop the cycle of abuse by healing
can stop the cycle of abuse by healing
can stop the cycle of abuse by healing ourselves
”
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