00:00:11another edition of ask Evan in today’s
00:00:13video I thought I’d be easier to show
00:00:15you a screen capture it’s a question
00:00:17from one of my readers Kalyan who posted
00:00:19in my forums about a sales letter that
00:00:22he created for one of his products and
00:00:23he wanted my advice on what to do so
00:00:26here’s his post it was can someone
00:00:28please review my product description and
00:00:30he wrote here hello everyone i just
00:00:33started providing research services to
00:00:35assist other internet marketers i was
00:00:36wondering if you could take a look at my
00:00:38copywriting and give some feedback on
00:00:40what seems to work and what i can change
00:00:42use URL thank you in advance for any
00:00:44feedback you may have Kailyn so I
00:00:46thought I’d walk you through it and will
00:00:48click on his link here and see what
00:00:51shows up so here’s his sales page and
00:00:56before I even start reading the content
00:00:59here is a couple things that throw me
00:01:00off that you might want to look at
00:01:02kalyan the first is the text here is
00:01:04hard to read it kind of goes over the
00:01:06computer monitors here the graphics look
00:01:09very kind of stock photo doesn’t really
00:01:12give me a lot of confidence that it’s a
00:01:14substantial company or a successful
00:01:17entrepreneur that I want to give my
00:01:18money to so you want to work on the
00:01:20graphics a little bit not have the text
00:01:21overlap on each other might be just a
00:01:23chrome issue but something you want to
00:01:25look at I see that you’ve included all
00:01:28sorts of the different social media
00:01:30signals we’ve got dig and Facebook and
00:01:32Twitter but they all have zero and that
00:01:36doesn’t look good if it’s a sales page
00:01:37and everything is zero I would probably
00:01:39recommend taking those off of here so it
00:01:42doesn’t look like nobody’s buying from
00:01:44you or nobody really cares about this
00:01:45site the other thing here is the
00:01:48archives are not that old right so we’re
00:01:52in august now you know the sites only
00:01:54been around for five months doesn’t
00:01:56again give me a lot of confidence and
00:01:57i’m buying from expert somebody knows
00:01:59what they’re really doing if they only
00:02:01have five months of history here i would
00:02:05probably lead off with something of a
00:02:08testimonial if you can if there’s been
00:02:09clients that you’ve helped and you can
00:02:11show some social proof that hey people
00:02:14are using my service and really liked it
00:02:15so if you could have a picture at the
00:02:17front of somebody who’s used it with a
00:02:18with a good testimonial either great
00:02:20video that’d be great and go a long way
00:02:23to start convincing people that what
00:02:25you’re selling actually works so that’s
00:02:27before even looking at the content so
00:02:29let’s actually get into the content
00:02:31itself the most important thing is going
00:02:33to impact people is your title so your
00:02:36title here it’s online rookies internet
00:02:38market research services so not anything
00:02:42is really going to you know give me a
00:02:44WOW factor I’m not encouraged to want to
00:02:47read on so you got to really grab people
00:02:48with your title and make them want to
00:02:50learn more about what you have to do so
00:02:52you definitely rework your title there’s
00:02:56a lot of text here to read that you’re
00:02:58hoping people go through and people
00:02:59don’t like to read text so I try to get
00:03:01right to the point of what you do and
00:03:04why you’re different than everybody else
00:03:06so kind of grab people a little bit more
00:03:08next to the different services that you
00:03:10have email marketing keyword research
00:03:12Twitter networking guest blogging I put
00:03:14little icons people are visual and like
00:03:16to see pictures and helps break up the
00:03:18text a little bit more so that might
00:03:20help you increase your conversions a
00:03:23little bit more you make a lot of claims
00:03:25in here as I was reading it that you
00:03:29know I’m not sure I believe so you want
00:03:31to try to back it up for example there’s
00:03:33your twitter has high conversion rate
00:03:36sales on twitter has have high
00:03:38conversion rates you know i haven’t
00:03:39found that in my experience so it’s you
00:03:42know if you had some data to back that
00:03:43up reports you can link to your saying
00:03:46you know email marketing didn’t die it
00:03:47such as profitable as ever again you
00:03:49want to make sure you can back up those
00:03:51claims with the link to an article or
00:03:52research that you’ve done to show people
00:03:54that you really know what you’re talking
00:03:56about you know a 17 year old blogger
00:03:58who’s built a strong reputation through
00:04:00guest blogging making 5,000 a month who
00:04:02is this person can you show me a picture
00:04:04can you show me his blog again you know
00:04:07builds in a little bit more credibility
00:04:09because a lot of people will be making
00:04:10these type of claims don’t back it up
00:04:12and so it doesn’t give me confidence to
00:04:14want to give you money to you know move
00:04:16forward with whatever services you’re
00:04:17offering I’d love to see people that
00:04:20you’ve helped other clients that you’ve
00:04:22done work with if you don’t have any
00:04:24pain clients yet do some work for free
00:04:26just build it up build a portfolio of
00:04:29people who then you can go back to and
00:04:31can give you testimonials and say hey
00:04:32you know this guy
00:04:33really knows what he’s doing and I want
00:04:35to hire him I noticed what’s missing
00:04:37here as well as you don’t have anything
00:04:38about you so Who am I hiring who is
00:04:41online rookies internet marketing be
00:04:43great to see your picture your story a
00:04:45little bit more about you and how you
00:04:47got started and you know why you’re an
00:04:49expert and why I should hire you because
00:04:51it’s a pretty simple form here and I
00:04:54wouldn’t be encouraged to want to sign
00:04:56up quite yet until you’ve done a little
00:04:57bit more work and then the last thing I
00:04:59would include is a really strong call to
00:05:01action so one incentive are you giving
00:05:03people to want to contact you your call
00:05:06to action here is research is your
00:05:07greatest weapon contact us and we will
00:05:09give you the tools to make your internet
00:05:10marketing campaign shine so you know you
00:05:12want to highlight that a little bit more
00:05:13and and make it easy so like contact us
00:05:17is not a link so how do I actually
00:05:18contact you I don’t see an email really
00:05:24anywhere here on this page so you know
00:05:26if I want to if i want to set up with
00:05:28you how do i actually do it how do I
00:05:29contact you so that should be really
00:05:31obvious make it a big button give people
00:05:33options to contact you especially by
00:05:36email and hopefully that will help
00:05:38increase some of your conversions on
00:05:39this so Kailyn I hope that helps give
00:05:42you some advice there’s and tips you can
00:05:43use to make this letter better keep us
00:05:46posted and if you have a new version of
00:05:47it be great to see the changes they’ve
00:05:49made and be cool to see if you’ve been
00:05:51able to increase your conversions
00:05:53because of some of those changes for
00:05:55everybody watching the video if you guys
00:05:56liked it please give it a thumbs up
00:05:57we’ll make more just like it and it also
00:05:59love to hear your thoughts and feedback
00:06:00if you want to leave a comment below the
00:06:02video and stay tuned for the next
00:06:03episode
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