Rant: The Apple Store is Hell on Earth

hi welcome to watchmojo.com I’m world

hi welcome to watchmojo.com I’m world famous comedian John Hastings

famous comedian John Hastings

famous comedian John Hastings and ladies and gentlemen I have found

and ladies and gentlemen I have found

and ladies and gentlemen I have found hell hell is not under the ground as was

hell hell is not under the ground as was

hell hell is not under the ground as was foretold by the Christians or up in the

foretold by the Christians or up in the

foretold by the Christians or up in the sky as foretold by the Egyptians no

sky as foretold by the Egyptians no

sky as foretold by the Egyptians no ladies and gentlemen hell is on earth

ladies and gentlemen hell is on earth

ladies and gentlemen hell is on earth and not surprisingly hell was created by

and not surprisingly hell was created by

and not surprisingly hell was created by a guy who really likes computers yes

a guy who really likes computers yes

a guy who really likes computers yes hell is the Apple store I know what

hell is the Apple store I know what

hell is the Apple store I know what you’re thinking but John I love the

you’re thinking but John I love the

you’re thinking but John I love the Apple store they have Feist they have

Apple store they have Feist they have

Apple store they have Feist they have Justin Long they have pretty girls

Justin Long they have pretty girls

Justin Long they have pretty girls dancing around and neon t-shirts asking

dancing around and neon t-shirts asking

dancing around and neon t-shirts asking how may I help you sir how may I help

how may I help you sir how may I help

how may I help you sir how may I help you

you

you we’ll have you spent any large amount of

we’ll have you spent any large amount of

we’ll have you spent any large amount of time in an Apple store because pretty

time in an Apple store because pretty

time in an Apple store because pretty soon the sound of an Apple computer

soon the sound of an Apple computer

soon the sound of an Apple computer turning on in Justin Lansing ha ha ha ha

turning on in Justin Lansing ha ha ha ha

turning on in Justin Lansing ha ha ha ha these days and suddenly you’re standing

these days and suddenly you’re standing

these days and suddenly you’re standing in front of Paris Hilton on a pillar of

in front of Paris Hilton on a pillar of

in front of Paris Hilton on a pillar of fire and she says yes I am the one who

fire and she says yes I am the one who

fire and she says yes I am the one who is the dark one t GYN talk to you never

is the dark one t GYN talk to you never

is the dark one t GYN talk to you never yes I had to go into this hellish place

yes I had to go into this hellish place

yes I had to go into this hellish place because you see I had broken my iPod I

because you see I had broken my iPod I

because you see I had broken my iPod I had identified the problem the problem

had identified the problem the problem

had identified the problem the problem was it was broken

was it was broken

was it was broken the solution was it’s under warranty

the solution was it’s under warranty

the solution was it’s under warranty give me a new one so I walk in and one

give me a new one so I walk in and one

give me a new one so I walk in and one of the neon ladies says oh of course

of the neon ladies says oh of course

of the neon ladies says oh of course we’d love to help you but I can’t help

we’d love to help you but I can’t help

we’d love to help you but I can’t help you you need to talk to the genius

you you need to talk to the genius

you you need to talk to the genius anyone who’s professionally known as the

anyone who’s professionally known as the

anyone who’s professionally known as the genius is an asshole remember that so I

genius is an asshole remember that so I

genius is an asshole remember that so I said perfect let me speak to the genius

said perfect let me speak to the genius

said perfect let me speak to the genius air quotes were included in the actual

air quotes were included in the actual

air quotes were included in the actual situation and they say I’m sorry the

situation and they say I’m sorry the

situation and they say I’m sorry the genius is busy so I say when can I see

genius is busy so I say when can I see

genius is busy so I say when can I see the genius and maybe can I see the

the genius and maybe can I see the

the genius and maybe can I see the Wizard of Oz too and they say ah just

Wizard of Oz too and they say ah just

Wizard of Oz too and they say ah just make an appointment sir no need for the

make an appointment sir no need for the

make an appointment sir no need for the attitude well they make an appointment I

attitude well they make an appointment I

attitude well they make an appointment I come back at the arranged time and the

come back at the arranged time and the

come back at the arranged time and the genius is running late remember what I

genius is running late remember what I

genius is running late remember what I said about geniuses being assholes case

said about geniuses being assholes case

said about geniuses being assholes case in point if he’s such a genius

in point if he’s such a genius

in point if he’s such a genius how can he be late he should be able to

how can he be late he should be able to

how can he be late he should be able to predict something like this

predict something like this

predict something like this so I wait fire and imagery of children

so I wait fire and imagery of children

so I wait fire and imagery of children crying and all sorts of other hellish

crying and all sorts of other hellish

crying and all sorts of other hellish demonic things running through my mind

demonic things running through my mind

demonic things running through my mind when finally I’m called before the

when finally I’m called before the

when finally I’m called before the genius I was unaware prerequisite to be

genius I was unaware prerequisite to be

genius I was unaware prerequisite to be a genius was 400 pounds an intimate

a genius was 400 pounds an intimate

a genius was 400 pounds an intimate knowledge of Star Trek and Dorito stains

knowledge of Star Trek and Dorito stains

knowledge of Star Trek and Dorito stains upon their hands but he looked at my

upon their hands but he looked at my

upon their hands but he looked at my iPod and he says do you have a warranty

iPod and he says do you have a warranty

iPod and he says do you have a warranty I say yes do you want a new one

I say yes do you want a new one

I say yes do you want a new one I say yes he hands me a new iPod and I

I say yes he hands me a new iPod and I

I say yes he hands me a new iPod and I leave just as I had predicted so just a

leave just as I had predicted so just a

leave just as I had predicted so just a reminder kids by Microsoft and stay away

reminder kids by Microsoft and stay away

reminder kids by Microsoft and stay away from these guys for the Internet I’m

from these guys for the Internet I’m

from these guys for the Internet I’m John Hastings