they raised you and now it’s their turn to be taken care of hi I’m Rebecca
to be taken care of hi I’m Rebecca
to be taken care of hi I’m Rebecca Brayton and welcome to watchmojo.com and
Brayton and welcome to watchmojo.com and
Brayton and welcome to watchmojo.com and today we’re speaking with the two
today we’re speaking with the two
today we’re speaking with the two authors of our turn to parents to learn
authors of our turn to parents to learn
authors of our turn to parents to learn more about elderly parent care at what
more about elderly parent care at what
more about elderly parent care at what point should you begin to consider
point should you begin to consider
point should you begin to consider caregiving for your elderly parents
caregiving for your elderly parents
caregiving for your elderly parents really at the beginning stages and then
really at the beginning stages and then
really at the beginning stages and then their active senior years sit down and
their active senior years sit down and
their active senior years sit down and start having a conversation with them
start having a conversation with them
start having a conversation with them you can even mention perhaps things that
you can even mention perhaps things that
you can even mention perhaps things that have happened to friends or other family
have happened to friends or other family
have happened to friends or other family members where they’re in a situation
members where they’re in a situation
members where they’re in a situation where all of a sudden they’re in a
where all of a sudden they’re in a
where all of a sudden they’re in a medical crisis and they don’t know what
medical crisis and they don’t know what
medical crisis and they don’t know what plans their parents have in place or
plans their parents have in place or
plans their parents have in place or what their wishes are so having that
what their wishes are so having that
what their wishes are so having that conversation early is really a key thing
conversation early is really a key thing
conversation early is really a key thing I think that most of us don’t recognize
I think that most of us don’t recognize
I think that most of us don’t recognize that we’re caregiving very early on in
that we’re caregiving very early on in
that we’re caregiving very early on in my situation my 76 year old mom was
my situation my 76 year old mom was
my situation my 76 year old mom was living with me and Barbara’s family her
living with me and Barbara’s family her
living with me and Barbara’s family her dad three years ago was diagnosed with
dad three years ago was diagnosed with
dad three years ago was diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s and through our
early Alzheimer’s and through our
early Alzheimer’s and through our conversations I realized that I was in
conversations I realized that I was in
conversations I realized that I was in no way prepared for what was going to be
no way prepared for what was going to be
no way prepared for what was going to be for my mom down the road are there any
for my mom down the road are there any
for my mom down the road are there any warning signs for which we should be on
warning signs for which we should be on
warning signs for which we should be on the lookout one of the things we talked
the lookout one of the things we talked
the lookout one of the things we talked about in the book there’s some food
about in the book there’s some food
about in the book there’s some food which can be like a neutral topic for
which can be like a neutral topic for
which can be like a neutral topic for talking with your parents about it but
talking with your parents about it but
talking with your parents about it but it involves a lot of things it involves
it involves a lot of things it involves
it involves a lot of things it involves still going grocery shopping for the
still going grocery shopping for the
still going grocery shopping for the food making sure they have food in the
food making sure they have food in the
food making sure they have food in the house making sure that they’re preparing
house making sure that they’re preparing
house making sure that they’re preparing it and they’re cooking it properly and
it and they’re cooking it properly and
it and they’re cooking it properly and they’re storing it properly so having
they’re storing it properly so having
they’re storing it properly so having those small observations at the
those small observations at the
those small observations at the beginning can really help know that you
beginning can really help know that you
beginning can really help know that you know noticing when things are gonna
know noticing when things are gonna
know noticing when things are gonna become more critical how do you go about
become more critical how do you go about
become more critical how do you go about changing the dynamic from child to
changing the dynamic from child to
changing the dynamic from child to caregiver our turn to parent doesn’t
caregiver our turn to parent doesn’t
caregiver our turn to parent doesn’t mean that your parents suddenly become
mean that your parents suddenly become
mean that your parents suddenly become children your role is not to step in and
children your role is not to step in and
children your role is not to step in and take control you are actually taking on
take control you are actually taking on
take control you are actually taking on the characteristics of the best parent
the characteristics of the best parent
the characteristics of the best parent you are their champion you’re helping
you are their champion you’re helping
you are their champion you’re helping them make the best decisions the way you
them make the best decisions the way you
them make the best decisions the way you treat your parents is the way other
treat your parents is the way other
treat your parents is the way other people are going to treat them when
people are going to treat them when
people are going to treat them when you’re involved with the doctors and
you’re involved with the doctors and
you’re involved with the doctors and social services and other people around
social services and other people around
social services and other people around when they see you treating your parents
when they see you treating your parents
when they see you treating your parents with respect and dignity they see in
with respect and dignity they see in
with respect and dignity they see in turn how them you would like their
turn how them you would like their
turn how them you would like their parent your parent to be treated what
parent your parent to be treated what
parent your parent to be treated what impact does taking on the role of
impact does taking on the role of
impact does taking on the role of caregiver for one’s parents have on your
caregiver for one’s parents have on your
caregiver for one’s parents have on your own life often we’re in the Sandwich
own life often we’re in the Sandwich
own life often we’re in the Sandwich Generation where we have our spouses and
Generation where we have our spouses and
Generation where we have our spouses and our children to take care of we often
our children to take care of we often
our children to take care of we often have careers as well and so it’s trying
have careers as well and so it’s trying
have careers as well and so it’s trying to find that balance and having a
to find that balance and having a
to find that balance and having a communication with your spouse about you
communication with your spouse about you
communication with your spouse about you know what the expectation is and
know what the expectation is and
know what the expectation is and and what your time commitment is gonna
and what your time commitment is gonna
and what your time commitment is gonna be you mentioned four stages of
be you mentioned four stages of
be you mentioned four stages of caregiving what are they you have the
caregiving what are they you have the
caregiving what are they you have the early stages which is you know the stage
early stages which is you know the stage
early stages which is you know the stage say where my mom was at they’re starting
say where my mom was at they’re starting
say where my mom was at they’re starting to meet some small helps then you know
to meet some small helps then you know
to meet some small helps then you know you have when your parents actually mean
you have when your parents actually mean
you have when your parents actually mean more active care where they’re actually
more active care where they’re actually
more active care where they’re actually unable to do stuff and then often you
unable to do stuff and then often you
unable to do stuff and then often you know your parents will move into a
know your parents will move into a
know your parents will move into a medical crisis stage where now you’re
medical crisis stage where now you’re
medical crisis stage where now you’re really proactively involved you’re
really proactively involved you’re
really proactively involved you’re involved with the medical system and
involved with the medical system and
involved with the medical system and social services and then of course the
social services and then of course the
social services and then of course the final stage where you’re dealing with
final stage where you’re dealing with
final stage where you’re dealing with the fact that your parents have reached
the fact that your parents have reached
the fact that your parents have reached or are reaching that end stage of their
or are reaching that end stage of their
or are reaching that end stage of their life where you’re going to lose them and
life where you’re going to lose them and
life where you’re going to lose them and and you’re going to deal with you know
and you’re going to deal with you know
and you’re going to deal with you know the funerals and in that stage of
the funerals and in that stage of
the funerals and in that stage of dealing with the end of their life what
dealing with the end of their life what
dealing with the end of their life what would you say is the number one reason
would you say is the number one reason
would you say is the number one reason people take on the role of caregiver for
people take on the role of caregiver for
people take on the role of caregiver for their parents all of the caregivers seem
their parents all of the caregivers seem
their parents all of the caregivers seem to have come to the conclusion that if
to have come to the conclusion that if
to have come to the conclusion that if they had to do it all again they would
they had to do it all again they would
they had to do it all again they would they may have learned some lessons along
they may have learned some lessons along
they may have learned some lessons along the way and have done some different
the way and have done some different
the way and have done some different things but they would all do it again
things but they would all do it again
things but they would all do it again out of love for their parents and the
out of love for their parents and the
out of love for their parents and the wanting to give back for what their
wanting to give back for what their
wanting to give back for what their parents gave to them we don’t even think
parents gave to them we don’t even think
parents gave to them we don’t even think of it as a stage of life but really
of it as a stage of life but really
of it as a stage of life but really caregiving for our parents is a journey
caregiving for our parents is a journey
caregiving for our parents is a journey that we go on with our parents and if
that we go on with our parents and if
that we go on with our parents and if you recognize that as a journey then you
you recognize that as a journey then you
you recognize that as a journey then you can have some personal growth through it
can have some personal growth through it
can have some personal growth through it as well so it can be a life altering
as well so it can be a life altering
as well so it can be a life altering really journey with them thank you very
really journey with them thank you very
really journey with them thank you very much for this advice thank you thanks
much for this advice thank you thanks
much for this advice thank you thanks for having us
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