[Music] back in college I was in the store
back in college I was in the store
back in college I was in the store buying some clothes and while I was
buying some clothes and while I was
buying some clothes and while I was making my purchase the salesperson at
making my purchase the salesperson at
making my purchase the salesperson at the register asked me who helped me
the register asked me who helped me
the register asked me who helped me which is a reasonable question but I
which is a reasonable question but I
which is a reasonable question but I panicked I was like he’s tall lean
panicked I was like he’s tall lean
panicked I was like he’s tall lean dressed in gray slacks and a burgundy
dressed in gray slacks and a burgundy
dressed in gray slacks and a burgundy slim fit v-neck sweater over a white
slim fit v-neck sweater over a white
slim fit v-neck sweater over a white collared shirt loafers short hair brown
collared shirt loafers short hair brown
collared shirt loafers short hair brown I would have told them his GPA if I had
I would have told them his GPA if I had
I would have told them his GPA if I had known it and it would have helped I said
known it and it would have helped I said
known it and it would have helped I said everything about that man except that he
everything about that man except that he
everything about that man except that he was black I had been raised to believe
was black I had been raised to believe
was black I had been raised to believe that the way to be a good not racist
that the way to be a good not racist
that the way to be a good not racist white person was to not see color which
white person was to not see color which
white person was to not see color which is unhelpful if you can’t see color
is unhelpful if you can’t see color
is unhelpful if you can’t see color you can’t talk about color and if you
you can’t talk about color and if you
you can’t talk about color and if you can’t talk about race gender class or
can’t talk about race gender class or
can’t talk about race gender class or ability you can’t understand it you
ability you can’t understand it you
ability you can’t understand it you can’t understand the part you play in it
can’t understand the part you play in it
can’t understand the part you play in it and you can’t understand the part it
and you can’t understand the part it
and you can’t understand the part it plays in you honestly I was so bad at
plays in you honestly I was so bad at
plays in you honestly I was so bad at this and partially it was difficult to
this and partially it was difficult to
this and partially it was difficult to confront and talk about because systems
confront and talk about because systems
confront and talk about because systems of oppression and by that I mean racism
of oppression and by that I mean racism
of oppression and by that I mean racism sexism classism ableism among others are
sexism classism ableism among others are
sexism classism ableism among others are both so massive so baked into the
both so massive so baked into the
both so massive so baked into the structure of our lives while their
structure of our lives while their
structure of our lives while their impacts are so personal intimate even
impacts are so personal intimate even
impacts are so personal intimate even they’re in our heads and our hearts and
they’re in our heads and our hearts and
they’re in our heads and our hearts and our bedrooms no matter who you are they
our bedrooms no matter who you are they
our bedrooms no matter who you are they are currently and I mean at this very
are currently and I mean at this very
are currently and I mean at this very moment impacting your life and all of
moment impacting your life and all of
moment impacting your life and all of our lives in visible and invisible ways
our lives in visible and invisible ways
our lives in visible and invisible ways but it’s very easy in white liberal
but it’s very easy in white liberal
but it’s very easy in white liberal environments by random example to
environments by random example to
environments by random example to acknowledge that these systems exist but
acknowledge that these systems exist but
acknowledge that these systems exist but to see them as these huge issues that
to see them as these huge issues that
to see them as these huge issues that are over they’re not here and as a
are over they’re not here and as a
are over they’re not here and as a product of a white liberal environment
product of a white liberal environment
product of a white liberal environment it was almost too easy for me to not
it was almost too easy for me to not
it was almost too easy for me to not really see myself as part of
really see myself as part of
really see myself as part of so I vacillated between avoiding the
so I vacillated between avoiding the
so I vacillated between avoiding the conversation altogether and trying
conversation altogether and trying
conversation altogether and trying really hard to figure out how to say the
really hard to figure out how to say the
really hard to figure out how to say the exact right thing which is difficult
exact right thing which is difficult
exact right thing which is difficult when you don’t know what that is or
when you don’t know what that is or
when you don’t know what that is or fully understand the problem to get
fully understand the problem to get
fully understand the problem to get better to learn how to have direct and
better to learn how to have direct and
better to learn how to have direct and personal conversations about injustice I
personal conversations about injustice I
personal conversations about injustice I needed practice I needed time and I
needed practice I needed time and I
needed practice I needed time and I needed space dedicated to these
needed space dedicated to these
needed space dedicated to these discussions discussions that are
discussions discussions that are
discussions discussions that are grounded in the fact that these massive
grounded in the fact that these massive
grounded in the fact that these massive systems trickled down like rain leaving
systems trickled down like rain leaving
systems trickled down like rain leaving us all in a permanent state of damp
us all in a permanent state of damp
us all in a permanent state of damp discussions that would allow me to move
discussions that would allow me to move
discussions that would allow me to move through shame to learn how to be
through shame to learn how to be
through shame to learn how to be accountable to practice being brave
accountable to practice being brave
accountable to practice being brave enough to try even when I get it wrong
enough to try even when I get it wrong
enough to try even when I get it wrong and learn how to get it right so I made
and learn how to get it right so I made
and learn how to get it right so I made a game I created a facilitated social
a game I created a facilitated social
a game I created a facilitated social justice card game because when we play
justice card game because when we play
justice card game because when we play games at least three things happen we
games at least three things happen we
games at least three things happen we all have to agree to a set of rules in
all have to agree to a set of rules in
all have to agree to a set of rules in order to play we create safety we build
order to play we create safety we build
order to play we create safety we build community and we are put on the spot but
community and we are put on the spot but
community and we are put on the spot but we are allowed to fail after all it’s
we are allowed to fail after all it’s
we are allowed to fail after all it’s just a game
just a game
just a game it’s called your privileges showing and
it’s called your privileges showing and
it’s called your privileges showing and it’s an interactive and experiential
it’s an interactive and experiential
it’s an interactive and experiential approach to diversity training built on
approach to diversity training built on
approach to diversity training built on a three round card game in each round
a three round card game in each round
a three round card game in each round players get the chance to practice
players get the chance to practice
players get the chance to practice having the kinds of conversations that
having the kinds of conversations that
having the kinds of conversations that they avoid and around one players get to
they avoid and around one players get to
they avoid and around one players get to practice recognizing and naming
practice recognizing and naming
practice recognizing and naming injustice in the world and around 2 you
injustice in the world and around 2 you
injustice in the world and around 2 you get to reflect on and share social and
get to reflect on and share social and
get to reflect on and share social and justice in your own life and in round
justice in your own life and in round
justice in your own life and in round three you got to answer complex
three you got to answer complex
three you got to answer complex questions under two minutes times and
questions under two minutes times and
questions under two minutes times and every round you do some variation of
every round you do some variation of
every round you do some variation of listening to a scenario that’s based on
listening to a scenario that’s based on
listening to a scenario that’s based on real-life current events and playing
real-life current events and playing
real-life current events and playing your cards and there are race cards
your cards and there are race cards
your cards and there are race cards sexism cards and privilege cards and
sexism cards and privilege cards and
sexism cards and privilege cards and I’ve broken those down into three levels
I’ve broken those down into three levels
I’ve broken those down into three levels of severity grey cards are
of severity grey cards are
of severity grey cards are microaggressions they call out action or
microaggressions they call out action or
microaggressions they call out action or speech that have a lack of awareness in
speech that have a lack of awareness in
speech that have a lack of awareness in them but generally no malice and they
them but generally no malice and they
them but generally no malice and they might even be an attempt to help like a
might even be an attempt to help like a
might even be an attempt to help like a boss telling a server you’ll get better
boss telling a server you’ll get better
boss telling a server you’ll get better tips if you just unbutton that top
tips if you just unbutton that top
tips if you just unbutton that top or a white person touching a black
or a white person touching a black
or a white person touching a black person’s hair without asking because
person’s hair without asking because
person’s hair without asking because it’s just so beautiful or asking a
it’s just so beautiful or asking a
it’s just so beautiful or asking a person of color where they’re from and
person of color where they’re from and
person of color where they’re from and when they answer saying yeah but where
when they answer saying yeah but where
when they answer saying yeah but where are you really from yellow cards are
are you really from yellow cards are
are you really from yellow cards are what I call unnecessary roughness yellow
what I call unnecessary roughness yellow
what I call unnecessary roughness yellow cards call out action or speech that
cards call out action or speech that
cards call out action or speech that have willful ignorance in them and maybe
have willful ignorance in them and maybe
have willful ignorance in them and maybe even some malice like when someone
even some malice like when someone
even some malice like when someone doesn’t care that they’re being
doesn’t care that they’re being
doesn’t care that they’re being offensive and it’s almost certainly
offensive and it’s almost certainly
offensive and it’s almost certainly yellow or above if they start off with
yellow or above if they start off with
yellow or above if they start off with I’m not racist or sexist but like
I’m not racist or sexist but like
I’m not racist or sexist but like someone saying I’m not racist but I just
someone saying I’m not racist but I just
someone saying I’m not racist but I just don’t think that black football players
don’t think that black football players
don’t think that black football players are natural quarterbacks or I’m cool
are natural quarterbacks or I’m cool
are natural quarterbacks or I’m cool with gay people just don’t shove it in
with gay people just don’t shove it in
with gay people just don’t shove it in my face or if a friend comes to you and
my face or if a friend comes to you and
my face or if a friend comes to you and says I’ve got depression I’m on some
says I’ve got depression I’m on some
says I’ve got depression I’m on some anti-depressive meds and you say why
anti-depressive meds and you say why
anti-depressive meds and you say why depression is a choice just shake it off
depression is a choice just shake it off
depression is a choice just shake it off it’s all in your head red cards are the
it’s all in your head red cards are the
it’s all in your head red cards are the most severe like a red card and soccer
most severe like a red card and soccer
most severe like a red card and soccer red cards are overt systemic deeply
red cards are overt systemic deeply
red cards are overt systemic deeply ignorant and malicious like the fact
ignorant and malicious like the fact
ignorant and malicious like the fact that Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby
that Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby
that Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby both assaulted women over 30 years
both assaulted women over 30 years
both assaulted women over 30 years without consequence or when Alabama
without consequence or when Alabama
without consequence or when Alabama congressman mo Brooks said that people
congressman mo Brooks said that people
congressman mo Brooks said that people who lead good lives and do things the
who lead good lives and do things the
who lead good lives and do things the right way should pay less than those
right way should pay less than those
right way should pay less than those with pre-existing conditions or the fact
with pre-existing conditions or the fact
with pre-existing conditions or the fact that right now in Texas prisons books by
that right now in Texas prisons books by
that right now in Texas prisons books by Langston Hughes and James Baldwin are
Langston Hughes and James Baldwin are
Langston Hughes and James Baldwin are banned but mine Kumpf
banned but mine Kumpf
banned but mine Kumpf and books by white supremacists are
and books by white supremacists are
and books by white supremacists are allowed you don’t need to agree with my
allowed you don’t need to agree with my
allowed you don’t need to agree with my card choices by the way this isn’t
card choices by the way this isn’t
card choices by the way this isn’t prescriptive the point of the game isn’t
prescriptive the point of the game isn’t
prescriptive the point of the game isn’t first all to agree on what exactly we
first all to agree on what exactly we
first all to agree on what exactly we think is gray yellow or red depending on
think is gray yellow or red depending on
think is gray yellow or red depending on who you are and what you’ve been through
who you are and what you’ve been through
who you are and what you’ve been through that day what could be a great card to
that day what could be a great card to
that day what could be a great card to me could be yellow or even red to you
me could be yellow or even red to you
me could be yellow or even red to you the conversation is the point we choose
the conversation is the point we choose
the conversation is the point we choose what we think makes sense to us and then
what we think makes sense to us and then
what we think makes sense to us and then we share and explore why and sometimes
we share and explore why and sometimes
we share and explore why and sometimes we make mistakes you kind of have to be
we make mistakes you kind of have to be
we make mistakes you kind of have to be willing to make mistakes in order to
willing to make mistakes in order to
willing to make mistakes in order to play this game at all which brings me to
play this game at all which brings me to
play this game at all which brings me to my favorite card in the whole deck but
my favorite card in the whole deck but
my favorite card in the whole deck but that’s okay card but that’s okay card is
that’s okay card but that’s okay card is
that’s okay card but that’s okay card is there to acknowledge and reward the
there to acknowledge and reward the
there to acknowledge and reward the brave
brave
brave and the vulnerability required to admit
and the vulnerability required to admit
and the vulnerability required to admit our mistakes because that’s how we grow
our mistakes because that’s how we grow
our mistakes because that’s how we grow that’s ok card can be played by anyone
that’s ok card can be played by anyone
that’s ok card can be played by anyone at any time it’s worth 1/2 a point and I
at any time it’s worth 1/2 a point and I
at any time it’s worth 1/2 a point and I encourage you to be generous so I made
encourage you to be generous so I made
encourage you to be generous so I made this game and I look like this I am an
this game and I look like this I am an
this game and I look like this I am an educated middle-class white woman and I
educated middle-class white woman and I
educated middle-class white woman and I think it’s important to acknowledge that
think it’s important to acknowledge that
think it’s important to acknowledge that and also acknowledge that part of what
and also acknowledge that part of what
and also acknowledge that part of what has allowed me to create this game and
has allowed me to create this game and
has allowed me to create this game and then facilitate it is the privilege the
then facilitate it is the privilege the
then facilitate it is the privilege the class privilege the white privilege that
class privilege the white privilege that
class privilege the white privilege that I have and because of that privilege
I have and because of that privilege
I have and because of that privilege there is a chance that you don’t think
there is a chance that you don’t think
there is a chance that you don’t think it’s my place to do this kind of work
it’s my place to do this kind of work
it’s my place to do this kind of work which is fine my privilege is showing
which is fine my privilege is showing
which is fine my privilege is showing and this is my way of grappling with and
and this is my way of grappling with and
and this is my way of grappling with and using it hopefully for good and every
using it hopefully for good and every
using it hopefully for good and every time I run a game with a new group of
time I run a game with a new group of
time I run a game with a new group of people I always tell them that while
people I always tell them that while
people I always tell them that while this will be fun and it will be you’re
this will be fun and it will be you’re
this will be fun and it will be you’re going to feel uncomfortable and you are
going to feel uncomfortable and you are
going to feel uncomfortable and you are going to be bad at this and that’s
going to be bad at this and that’s
going to be bad at this and that’s because privileged people by definition
because privileged people by definition
because privileged people by definition we get less practice talking explicitly
we get less practice talking explicitly
we get less practice talking explicitly and directly about racism about sexism
and directly about racism about sexism
and directly about racism about sexism about privilege the ways we feel about
about privilege the ways we feel about
about privilege the ways we feel about them the ways we participate in them and
them the ways we participate in them and
them the ways we participate in them and even for those of us like myself who do
even for those of us like myself who do
even for those of us like myself who do talk about them directly there’s always
talk about them directly there’s always
talk about them directly there’s always new things to learn and unlearn so
new things to learn and unlearn so
new things to learn and unlearn so essentially what I’m trying to say is
essentially what I’m trying to say is
essentially what I’m trying to say is welcome we are all terrible at this so
welcome we are all terrible at this so
welcome we are all terrible at this so if you find yourself feeling defensive
if you find yourself feeling defensive
if you find yourself feeling defensive if you notice shame creeping up
if you notice shame creeping up
if you notice shame creeping up unexpectedly
unexpectedly
unexpectedly don’t take that as a sign that you’re
don’t take that as a sign that you’re
don’t take that as a sign that you’re doing it wrong take it as a sign that
doing it wrong take it as a sign that
doing it wrong take it as a sign that you’re doing it right and speaking of
you’re doing it right and speaking of
you’re doing it right and speaking of doing it right it’s a game is there a
doing it right it’s a game is there a
doing it right it’s a game is there a way to win why yes there is but all you
way to win why yes there is but all you
way to win why yes there is but all you get if you win is a sticker I designed
get if you win is a sticker I designed
get if you win is a sticker I designed it’s a gold star that says you’re a
it’s a gold star that says you’re a
it’s a gold star that says you’re a perfectly adequate human because there
perfectly adequate human because there
perfectly adequate human because there is no winning in social justice so I ran
is no winning in social justice so I ran
is no winning in social justice so I ran a pilot program at Berklee College of
a pilot program at Berklee College of
a pilot program at Berklee College of Music in fall 2016 in which a group of
Music in fall 2016 in which a group of
Music in fall 2016 in which a group of students played the game four times over
students played the game four times over
students played the game four times over the
the
the course of a semester the students who
course of a semester the students who
course of a semester the students who signed up were all relatively aware
signed up were all relatively aware
signed up were all relatively aware thought of themselves as actively good
thought of themselves as actively good
thought of themselves as actively good people who care about inclusion equity
people who care about inclusion equity
people who care about inclusion equity and justice and even though they started
and justice and even though they started
and justice and even though they started out in a really solid place throughout
out in a really solid place throughout
out in a really solid place throughout the course of the program they still
the course of the program they still
the course of the program they still learned that they weren’t as comfortable
learned that they weren’t as comfortable
learned that they weren’t as comfortable talking about these issues as they
talking about these issues as they
talking about these issues as they thought they were they learned that
thought they were they learned that
thought they were they learned that being good people
being good people
being good people does not make you immune to racism or
does not make you immune to racism or
does not make you immune to racism or sexism that in fact these problems are
sexism that in fact these problems are
sexism that in fact these problems are their problems and they have a lot of
their problems and they have a lot of
their problems and they have a lot of work to do they were surprised by how
work to do they were surprised by how
work to do they were surprised by how personal the experience was they
personal the experience was they
personal the experience was they honestly did not expect it to hit home
honestly did not expect it to hit home
honestly did not expect it to hit home for them to reach into their lives to
for them to reach into their lives to
for them to reach into their lives to touch their friendships their childhoods
touch their friendships their childhoods
touch their friendships their childhoods but most of all it was really important
but most of all it was really important
but most of all it was really important that they had a chance to come together
that they had a chance to come together
that they had a chance to come together regularly to play because engaging with
regularly to play because engaging with
regularly to play because engaging with a discomfort of an hour part in
a discomfort of an hour part in
a discomfort of an hour part in injustice is not something we get to
injustice is not something we get to
injustice is not something we get to just set and forget it’s a practice like
just set and forget it’s a practice like
just set and forget it’s a practice like yoga or meditation this is something
yoga or meditation this is something
yoga or meditation this is something that that if we do it and we do it
that that if we do it and we do it
that that if we do it and we do it regularly changes the way we understand
regularly changes the way we understand
regularly changes the way we understand and interact with the world and we are
and interact with the world and we are
and interact with the world and we are never done this is a process we will be
never done this is a process we will be
never done this is a process we will be continuing if we’re lucky for our entire
continuing if we’re lucky for our entire
continuing if we’re lucky for our entire lives back when my parents were getting
lives back when my parents were getting
lives back when my parents were getting married my white anglo-saxon Protestant
married my white anglo-saxon Protestant
married my white anglo-saxon Protestant mother was pregnant with my brother and
mother was pregnant with my brother and
mother was pregnant with my brother and marrying my father who was Jewish and
marrying my father who was Jewish and
marrying my father who was Jewish and this created tension and difficulty with
this created tension and difficulty with
this created tension and difficulty with their parents my father’s parents were
their parents my father’s parents were
their parents my father’s parents were embarrassed my mother’s parents were
embarrassed my mother’s parents were
embarrassed my mother’s parents were upset this is a break on both sides the
upset this is a break on both sides the
upset this is a break on both sides the family it took years to heal fast
family it took years to heal fast
family it took years to heal fast forward my parents been married for 26
forward my parents been married for 26
forward my parents been married for 26 years they have three children and my
years they have three children and my
years they have three children and my grandfather Bob who had been raised in a
grandfather Bob who had been raised in a
grandfather Bob who had been raised in a family of farmers was nearing the end of
family of farmers was nearing the end of
family of farmers was nearing the end of his life during this time my mother
his life during this time my mother
his life during this time my mother would fly out to Bismarck North Dakota
would fly out to Bismarck North Dakota
would fly out to Bismarck North Dakota often to stay with her father and at
often to stay with her father and at
often to stay with her father and at night the two of them would lay
night the two of them would lay
night the two of them would lay side-by-side in his
side-by-side in his
side-by-side in his and talk it was a sweet moment for both
and talk it was a sweet moment for both
and talk it was a sweet moment for both of them a moment of easy together nests
of them a moment of easy together nests
of them a moment of easy together nests after a lifetime of love
after a lifetime of love
after a lifetime of love misunderstanding and difficulty and as
misunderstanding and difficulty and as
misunderstanding and difficulty and as they lay there in silence one night my
they lay there in silence one night my
they lay there in silence one night my grandfather suddenly opened his eyes and
grandfather suddenly opened his eyes and
grandfather suddenly opened his eyes and said hybrids what my mother had no idea
said hybrids what my mother had no idea
said hybrids what my mother had no idea what he was talking about hybrids he
what he was talking about hybrids he
what he was talking about hybrids he said again that’s why those kids are so
said again that’s why those kids are so
said again that’s why those kids are so amazing they’re hybrids this is what I
amazing they’re hybrids this is what I
amazing they’re hybrids this is what I mean by intimate this was my grandfather
mean by intimate this was my grandfather
mean by intimate this was my grandfather however imperfectly finally accepting
however imperfectly finally accepting
however imperfectly finally accepting his daughter’s choice to marry a man of
his daughter’s choice to marry a man of
his daughter’s choice to marry a man of a different culture and faith and to be
a different culture and faith and to be
a different culture and faith and to be able to see the good that’s come out of
able to see the good that’s come out of
able to see the good that’s come out of it these are the choices that led to my
it these are the choices that led to my
it these are the choices that led to my birth shaped my life it doesn’t get more
birth shaped my life it doesn’t get more
birth shaped my life it doesn’t get more personal than that
personal than that
personal than that my goal for this game is that it help us
my goal for this game is that it help us
my goal for this game is that it help us be better sooner but the cards are a
be better sooner but the cards are a
be better sooner but the cards are a tool they don’t matter
tool they don’t matter
tool they don’t matter not really I’ve run games without the
not really I’ve run games without the
not really I’ve run games without the cards with friends and bars just begin
cards with friends and bars just begin
cards with friends and bars just begin practice recognizing and naming and
practice recognizing and naming and
practice recognizing and naming and justice in your life and then do
justice in your life and then do
justice in your life and then do something about it apologize and do
something about it apologize and do
something about it apologize and do better stand up and save something even
better stand up and save something even
better stand up and save something even when it’s uncomfortable even when it
when it’s uncomfortable even when it
when it’s uncomfortable even when it costs you this is a lifelong process and
costs you this is a lifelong process and
costs you this is a lifelong process and all we can do is begin but we have to do
all we can do is begin but we have to do
all we can do is begin but we have to do at least that you are all perfectly
at least that you are all perfectly
at least that you are all perfectly adequate
adequate
adequate thank you
”
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