the Whole Foods after parking my car a woman came up to me and stopped me
woman came up to me and stopped me
woman came up to me and stopped me before I entered the store she said I’m
before I entered the store she said I’m
before I entered the store she said I’m sorry to invade you but I felt that I
sorry to invade you but I felt that I
sorry to invade you but I felt that I needed to tell you this there is
needed to tell you this there is
needed to tell you this there is something big happening in your life
something big happening in your life
something big happening in your life right now but you’re not appreciating it
right now but you’re not appreciating it
right now but you’re not appreciating it because you’re holding on to something
because you’re holding on to something
because you’re holding on to something from the past not your average grocery
from the past not your average grocery
from the past not your average grocery store parking lot encounter this woman
store parking lot encounter this woman
store parking lot encounter this woman didn’t know who I was where I came from
didn’t know who I was where I came from
didn’t know who I was where I came from or what I was currently going through
or what I was currently going through
or what I was currently going through but this woman was right I was holding
but this woman was right I was holding
but this woman was right I was holding on to the past a year before this
on to the past a year before this
on to the past a year before this occurrence I was a senior at the
occurrence I was a senior at the
occurrence I was a senior at the University of Florida and I was living
University of Florida and I was living
University of Florida and I was living on top of the world I was getting ready
on top of the world I was getting ready
on top of the world I was getting ready to graduate living with my three best
to graduate living with my three best
to graduate living with my three best friends in this great apartment and I
friends in this great apartment and I
friends in this great apartment and I was falling in love for the first time
was falling in love for the first time
was falling in love for the first time and my blog that I started while in
and my blog that I started while in
and my blog that I started while in college was growing rapidly but for some
college was growing rapidly but for some
college was growing rapidly but for some reason I thought all of this was too
reason I thought all of this was too
reason I thought all of this was too good to be true I remember this moment
good to be true I remember this moment
good to be true I remember this moment when I looked at myself in my mirror and
when I looked at myself in my mirror and
when I looked at myself in my mirror and I said my life is too perfect something
I said my life is too perfect something
I said my life is too perfect something is going to go wrong unknowingly at the
is going to go wrong unknowingly at the
is going to go wrong unknowingly at the time this thought was a product of my
time this thought was a product of my
time this thought was a product of my past believing that because my past was
past believing that because my past was
past believing that because my past was never this perfect my present and future
never this perfect my present and future
never this perfect my present and future can never be after this moment things in
can never be after this moment things in
can never be after this moment things in my life became unperfect a number of
my life became unperfect a number of
my life became unperfect a number of circumstances occurred in my personal
circumstances occurred in my personal
circumstances occurred in my personal life just one week after this time I
life just one week after this time I
life just one week after this time I spent looking at myself in the mirror my
spent looking at myself in the mirror my
spent looking at myself in the mirror my family found a suicide letter that my
family found a suicide letter that my
family found a suicide letter that my little sister ro of her plans to commit
little sister ro of her plans to commit
little sister ro of her plans to commit suicide my dad lost his business and my
suicide my dad lost his business and my
suicide my dad lost his business and my boyfriend was dealing with issues of his
boyfriend was dealing with issues of his
boyfriend was dealing with issues of his own that turned into intense emotional
own that turned into intense emotional
own that turned into intense emotional abuse these circumstances sent me on a
abuse these circumstances sent me on a
abuse these circumstances sent me on a downward spiral towards complete and
downward spiral towards complete and
downward spiral towards complete and utter darkness I spent four months
utter darkness I spent four months
utter darkness I spent four months living in this darkness until New Year’s
living in this darkness until New Year’s
living in this darkness until New Year’s pulled around when I said that this was
pulled around when I said that this was
pulled around when I said that this was going to be a fresh start but saying it
going to be a fresh start but saying it
going to be a fresh start but saying it and truly believing it are two
and truly believing it are two
and truly believing it are two completely different things
Saturday January 26 2013 my life changed
Saturday January 26 2013 my life changed forever the week leading up to this day
forever the week leading up to this day
forever the week leading up to this day I was having flu-like symptoms
I was having flu-like symptoms
I was having flu-like symptoms high fever chills my mom was coming to
high fever chills my mom was coming to
high fever chills my mom was coming to visit me for the weekend to celebrate a
visit me for the weekend to celebrate a
visit me for the weekend to celebrate a milestone that I hit with my blog when
milestone that I hit with my blog when
milestone that I hit with my blog when thousand likes on Facebook gotta
thousand likes on Facebook gotta
thousand likes on Facebook gotta celebrate the small ones right I was
celebrate the small ones right I was
celebrate the small ones right I was still pretty sick the morning before the
still pretty sick the morning before the
still pretty sick the morning before the celebration so my mom took me into the
celebration so my mom took me into the
celebration so my mom took me into the walking clinic where they gave me an IV
walking clinic where they gave me an IV
walking clinic where they gave me an IV of fluids and antibiotics sent me on my
of fluids and antibiotics sent me on my
of fluids and antibiotics sent me on my way with the parting words have fun at
way with the parting words have fun at
way with the parting words have fun at your party I went home and took a shower
your party I went home and took a shower
your party I went home and took a shower before guests were supposed to arrive
before guests were supposed to arrive
before guests were supposed to arrive and when I got out of shower I laid on
and when I got out of shower I laid on
and when I got out of shower I laid on my bed and I was beginning not to be
my bed and I was beginning not to be
my bed and I was beginning not to be able to breathe that well my mom comes
able to breathe that well my mom comes
able to breathe that well my mom comes in the room and she takes one look at me
in the room and she takes one look at me
in the room and she takes one look at me and sees my heart beating rapidly out of
and sees my heart beating rapidly out of
and sees my heart beating rapidly out of my neck she said Alexa we’re canceling
my neck she said Alexa we’re canceling
my neck she said Alexa we’re canceling the party I’m taking you to the
the party I’m taking you to the
the party I’m taking you to the emergency room when I arrived at the
emergency room when I arrived at the
emergency room when I arrived at the emergency room my blood pressure was
emergency room my blood pressure was
emergency room my blood pressure was dropping rapidly so they immediately
dropping rapidly so they immediately
dropping rapidly so they immediately took me to the back and began giving me
took me to the back and began giving me
took me to the back and began giving me an IV of fluids and monitoring me it
an IV of fluids and monitoring me it
an IV of fluids and monitoring me it started with one doctor then five
started with one doctor then five
started with one doctor then five doctors then all of a sudden there were
doctors then all of a sudden there were
doctors then all of a sudden there were 20 doctors surrounding me they put a
20 doctors surrounding me they put a
20 doctors surrounding me they put a mask on my face to help me breathe and I
mask on my face to help me breathe and I
mask on my face to help me breathe and I felt like I couldn’t breathe with this
felt like I couldn’t breathe with this
felt like I couldn’t breathe with this mask on my face but when I tried pulling
mask on my face but when I tried pulling
mask on my face but when I tried pulling it off and realized I couldn’t breathe
it off and realized I couldn’t breathe
it off and realized I couldn’t breathe with it off that’s when the real fear
with it off that’s when the real fear
with it off that’s when the real fear set in the doctors pulled my mom out of
set in the doctors pulled my mom out of
set in the doctors pulled my mom out of the room and said we have to induce your
the room and said we have to induce your
the room and said we have to induce your daughter into a medical coma her body is
daughter into a medical coma her body is
daughter into a medical coma her body is going into septic shock call your family
going into septic shock call your family
going into septic shock call your family she has 24 hours to live I spent six
she has 24 hours to live I spent six
she has 24 hours to live I spent six days in a coma and a total of 10 days
days in a coma and a total of 10 days
days in a coma and a total of 10 days is in the intensive care unit they gave
is in the intensive care unit they gave
is in the intensive care unit they gave me a 1% chance of living when I woke up
me a 1% chance of living when I woke up
me a 1% chance of living when I woke up from the coma I had a mask on my face a
from the coma I had a mask on my face a
from the coma I had a mask on my face a tube down my throat and I was hooked up
tube down my throat and I was hooked up
tube down my throat and I was hooked up to nine different bags of antibiotics I
to nine different bags of antibiotics I
to nine different bags of antibiotics I couldn’t move
couldn’t move
couldn’t move breathe or speak on my own all I had was
breathe or speak on my own all I had was
breathe or speak on my own all I had was my mind and in these moments a recurring
my mind and in these moments a recurring
my mind and in these moments a recurring question popped into my head did I live
question popped into my head did I live
question popped into my head did I live and it wasn’t a question if I lived
and it wasn’t a question if I lived
and it wasn’t a question if I lived through this horrible tragedy but rather
through this horrible tragedy but rather
through this horrible tragedy but rather asking did I live my life when I had the
asking did I live my life when I had the
asking did I live my life when I had the opportunity to live my life and the
opportunity to live my life and the
opportunity to live my life and the answer was no I was allowing my past
answer was no I was allowing my past
answer was no I was allowing my past circumstances to define my life and I
circumstances to define my life and I
circumstances to define my life and I was no longer living but merely existing
during my time in the ICU I pictured my
during my time in the ICU I pictured my mind to be this pure healthy pink and
mind to be this pure healthy pink and
mind to be this pure healthy pink and the rest of my body was black and
the rest of my body was black and
the rest of my body was black and rotting away and I would use this image
rotting away and I would use this image
rotting away and I would use this image to push down this healthy pink color to
to push down this healthy pink color to
to push down this healthy pink color to the rest of my body to try and heal it I
the rest of my body to try and heal it I
the rest of my body to try and heal it I would push with every ounce of energy I
would push with every ounce of energy I
would push with every ounce of energy I had left until I was discharged from the
had left until I was discharged from the
had left until I was discharged from the hospital you see what you choose to
hospital you see what you choose to
hospital you see what you choose to believe is what you can conceive
believe is what you can conceive
believe is what you can conceive you must believe that your life is
you must believe that your life is
you must believe that your life is filled with endless opportunities only
filled with endless opportunities only
filled with endless opportunities only disguised as impossible situations six
disguised as impossible situations six
disguised as impossible situations six months after my near-death experience I
months after my near-death experience I
months after my near-death experience I was faced with another wonderful
was faced with another wonderful
was faced with another wonderful opportunity I was living in New York
opportunity I was living in New York
opportunity I was living in New York City as a college graduate I was working
City as a college graduate I was working
City as a college graduate I was working to fulfill my dreams when I became sick
to fulfill my dreams when I became sick
to fulfill my dreams when I became sick again and all of a sudden all of my
again and all of a sudden all of my
again and all of a sudden all of my dreams and hopes were just taken from me
dreams and hopes were just taken from me
dreams and hopes were just taken from me unbeknownst I was living with a
unbeknownst I was living with a
unbeknownst I was living with a compromised immune system and had to be
compromised immune system and had to be
compromised immune system and had to be rushed to have an emergency colonoscopy
rushed to have an emergency colonoscopy
rushed to have an emergency colonoscopy where they found a
where they found a
where they found a another deadly bacteria growing in my
another deadly bacteria growing in my
another deadly bacteria growing in my body and then diagnosed me with
body and then diagnosed me with
body and then diagnosed me with ulcerative colitis this is when I began
ulcerative colitis this is when I began
ulcerative colitis this is when I began living with post-traumatic stress
living with post-traumatic stress
living with post-traumatic stress disorder
disorder
disorder I was so afraid that I was going to end
I was so afraid that I was going to end
I was so afraid that I was going to end up in the ICU again so afraid that I
up in the ICU again so afraid that I
up in the ICU again so afraid that I would get that sick again because that
would get that sick again because that
would get that sick again because that is what I knew still to this day if
is what I knew still to this day if
is what I knew still to this day if something is not right in my body the
something is not right in my body the
something is not right in my body the fear sets in but through the past four
fear sets in but through the past four
fear sets in but through the past four years I have learned one key lesson that
years I have learned one key lesson that
years I have learned one key lesson that has changed my perspective on my life
has changed my perspective on my life
has changed my perspective on my life and as we know our perception is what
and as we know our perception is what
and as we know our perception is what creates our reality and that is that you
creates our reality and that is that you
creates our reality and that is that you only have two things that you have
only have two things that you have
only have two things that you have control over your decisions and your
control over your decisions and your
control over your decisions and your reactions I don’t have control over this
reactions I don’t have control over this
reactions I don’t have control over this autoimmune disease I can’t control the
autoimmune disease I can’t control the
autoimmune disease I can’t control the bacteria that almost took my life but I
bacteria that almost took my life but I
bacteria that almost took my life but I can control the decisions I make for
can control the decisions I make for
can control the decisions I make for myself and the way I react to what life
myself and the way I react to what life
myself and the way I react to what life throws my way you see this is the
throws my way you see this is the
throws my way you see this is the opportunity the opportunity to see
opportunity the opportunity to see
opportunity the opportunity to see things and not for what they are but
things and not for what they are but
things and not for what they are but rather for what they can be for
rather for what they can be for
rather for what they can be for three-and-a-half years I was deciding
three-and-a-half years I was deciding
three-and-a-half years I was deciding that my past would define my future I
that my past would define my future I
that my past would define my future I was believing that due to this illness I
was believing that due to this illness I
was believing that due to this illness I will never be able to go hiking again or
will never be able to go hiking again or
will never be able to go hiking again or live in a different country or enjoy the
live in a different country or enjoy the
live in a different country or enjoy the pleasures of food I’ll never be able to
pleasures of food I’ll never be able to
pleasures of food I’ll never be able to do the things I used to love and know so
do the things I used to love and know so
do the things I used to love and know so well because this was now my reality I
well because this was now my reality I
well because this was now my reality I am sick today and I will be sick for all
am sick today and I will be sick for all
am sick today and I will be sick for all of my days as there is no cure for my
of my days as there is no cure for my
of my days as there is no cure for my autoimmune disease I lived like this in
autoimmune disease I lived like this in
autoimmune disease I lived like this in complete isolation for three and a half
complete isolation for three and a half
complete isolation for three and a half years until one day I was fed up I was
years until one day I was fed up I was
years until one day I was fed up I was fed up waiting for something to change
fed up waiting for something to change
fed up waiting for something to change ladies and gentlemen you must not wait
ladies and gentlemen you must not wait
ladies and gentlemen you must not wait for your life to change you must change
for your life to change you must change
for your life to change you must change your own life understand that your past
your own life understand that your past
your own life understand that your past is part of you making you up to be the
is part of you making you up to be the
is part of you making you up to be the beautiful unique individual you are but
beautiful unique individual you are but
beautiful unique individual you are but it does not define you or define what
it does not define you or define what
it does not define you or define what you can do everything in your life is
you can do everything in your life is
you can do everything in your life is helping you become the person you are
helping you become the person you are
helping you become the person you are today and will help you become the
today and will help you become the
today and will help you become the person you are supposed to be I live
person you are supposed to be I live
person you are supposed to be I live with this autoimmune disease every
with this autoimmune disease every
with this autoimmune disease every single day I live with my past demons
single day I live with my past demons
single day I live with my past demons and tragedy and heartbreak just as all
and tragedy and heartbreak just as all
and tragedy and heartbreak just as all of you do every day I wake up not
of you do every day I wake up not
of you do every day I wake up not knowing if today is going to be a great
knowing if today is going to be a great
knowing if today is going to be a great day or a day where I have to cancel all
day or a day where I have to cancel all
day or a day where I have to cancel all of my plans because I don’t feel well I
of my plans because I don’t feel well I
of my plans because I don’t feel well I live with anxiety and fear and yes I
live with anxiety and fear and yes I
live with anxiety and fear and yes I still suffer from PTSD and I don’t know
still suffer from PTSD and I don’t know
still suffer from PTSD and I don’t know if any of this will ever disappear but
if any of this will ever disappear but
if any of this will ever disappear but what I do know for sure is that this
what I do know for sure is that this
what I do know for sure is that this will not stop me from accomplishing what
will not stop me from accomplishing what
will not stop me from accomplishing what I want to accomplish in my life it will
I want to accomplish in my life it will
I want to accomplish in my life it will not stop me from seeing the opportunity
not stop me from seeing the opportunity
not stop me from seeing the opportunity through the tragedy it will not stop me
through the tragedy it will not stop me
through the tragedy it will not stop me from waking up with the first thought
from waking up with the first thought
from waking up with the first thought that this is going to be a great day
that this is going to be a great day
that this is going to be a great day even if all of my past days weren’t too
even if all of my past days weren’t too
even if all of my past days weren’t too great for 1460 days I was waiting
great for 1460 days I was waiting
great for 1460 days I was waiting waiting for what everyone told me the
waiting for what everyone told me the
waiting for what everyone told me the light at the end of the tunnel but today
light at the end of the tunnel but today
light at the end of the tunnel but today I am no longer waiting for that light at
I am no longer waiting for that light at
I am no longer waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel because what I’ve
the end of the tunnel because what I’ve
the end of the tunnel because what I’ve come to learn is that the light was
come to learn is that the light was
come to learn is that the light was within us all along
within us all along
within us all along thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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