I’m not the greatest MC but give me a microphone to ears in an open mind and I
microphone to ears in an open mind and I
microphone to ears in an open mind and I will spit until every tear duct and your
will spit until every tear duct and your
will spit until every tear duct and your eye runs dry
eye runs dry
eye runs dry I will formulate the most abstract idea
I will formulate the most abstract idea
I will formulate the most abstract idea sketch it with my Mac lip liner and
sketch it with my Mac lip liner and
sketch it with my Mac lip liner and paint the canvas with my tongue until
paint the canvas with my tongue until
paint the canvas with my tongue until you see things my way
you see things my way
you see things my way I will cut into your vision remove the
I will cut into your vision remove the
I will cut into your vision remove the cataracts and show you that pretty girls
cataracts and show you that pretty girls
cataracts and show you that pretty girls possess intelligence
possess intelligence
possess intelligence I will contradict every life lesson that
I will contradict every life lesson that
I will contradict every life lesson that your mother taught you because rebellion
your mother taught you because rebellion
your mother taught you because rebellion is my middle name
is my middle name
is my middle name I’m not the greatest MC but give me one
I’m not the greatest MC but give me one
I’m not the greatest MC but give me one good ear and a beating heart and I’ll
good ear and a beating heart and I’ll
good ear and a beating heart and I’ll save this world I was born on the Ides
save this world I was born on the Ides
save this world I was born on the Ides of March but that’s the only thing
of March but that’s the only thing
of March but that’s the only thing Caesar and I have in common my life and
Caesar and I have in common my life and
Caesar and I have in common my life and his death I am the next Maya Angelou I
his death I am the next Maya Angelou I
his death I am the next Maya Angelou I just taught my kids were how to sing she
just taught my kids were how to sing she
just taught my kids were how to sing she just can’t fly Harriet Tubman left me a
just can’t fly Harriet Tubman left me a
just can’t fly Harriet Tubman left me a note telling me to dig up her epistle in
note telling me to dig up her epistle in
note telling me to dig up her epistle in 2017 because the Underground Railroad is
2017 because the Underground Railroad is
2017 because the Underground Railroad is still in place
still in place
still in place Noah promised to help me build a fire
Noah promised to help me build a fire
Noah promised to help me build a fire resistant art because time is running
resistant art because time is running
resistant art because time is running out again I’m not the greatest MC but
out again I’m not the greatest MC but
out again I’m not the greatest MC but give me two deaf ears and a sign
give me two deaf ears and a sign
give me two deaf ears and a sign language manual and I will start a
language manual and I will start a
language manual and I will start a revolution thank you so that poem has
revolution thank you so that poem has
revolution thank you so that poem has absolutely nothing to do with my TED
absolutely nothing to do with my TED
absolutely nothing to do with my TED talk but I do it before my I speak any
talk but I do it before my I speak any
talk but I do it before my I speak any time because it takes the nerves off for
time because it takes the nerves off for
time because it takes the nerves off for me and it helps me to get into my alter
me and it helps me to get into my alter
me and it helps me to get into my alter ego and embrace my Sasha Fierce um so
ego and embrace my Sasha Fierce um so
ego and embrace my Sasha Fierce um so today I’m gonna be talking about why you
today I’m gonna be talking about why you
today I’m gonna be talking about why you should be dying to tell your own story
should be dying to tell your own story
should be dying to tell your own story so a few days ago one of my closest
so a few days ago one of my closest
so a few days ago one of my closest friends text me and she asked me if I
friends text me and she asked me if I
friends text me and she asked me if I could help her write her obituary and in
could help her write her obituary and in
could help her write her obituary and in my mind I’m thinking are you serious
my mind I’m thinking are you serious
my mind I’m thinking are you serious right now oh my god she’s young and
right now oh my god she’s young and
right now oh my god she’s young and she’s vibrant and she’s seemingly
she’s vibrant and she’s seemingly
she’s vibrant and she’s seemingly healthy and I can’t imagine her dying
healthy and I can’t imagine her dying
healthy and I can’t imagine her dying because she has so much more life to
because she has so much more life to
because she has so much more life to live and so I asked the dredit question
live and so I asked the dredit question
live and so I asked the dredit question are you dying and she said no but one
are you dying and she said no but one
are you dying and she said no but one day I will and it reminded me
day I will and it reminded me
day I will and it reminded me that we’re all gonna die but who’s going
that we’re all gonna die but who’s going
that we’re all gonna die but who’s going to tell our stories and how will we be
to tell our stories and how will we be
to tell our stories and how will we be remembered I spent nine years working in
remembered I spent nine years working in
remembered I spent nine years working in a funeral business back in Baltimore and
a funeral business back in Baltimore and
a funeral business back in Baltimore and during that time I wrote hundreds of
during that time I wrote hundreds of
during that time I wrote hundreds of obituaries for people that I did not
obituaries for people that I did not
obituaries for people that I did not know whenever someone came to the
know whenever someone came to the
know whenever someone came to the funeral home we would give them a
funeral home we would give them a
funeral home we would give them a template how to write an obituary and
template how to write an obituary and
template how to write an obituary and all you basically do is change the dates
all you basically do is change the dates
all you basically do is change the dates and change that person’s name and fill
and change that person’s name and fill
and change that person’s name and fill in the high school and fill in the
in the high school and fill in the
in the high school and fill in the church where they were baptized and add
church where they were baptized and add
church where they were baptized and add that they what their hobbies were and
that they what their hobbies were and
that they what their hobbies were and what they liked and who survived them
what they liked and who survived them
what they liked and who survived them and after writing hundreds of them and
and after writing hundreds of them and
and after writing hundreds of them and dozens of them
dozens of them
dozens of them I started thinking why am I the person
I started thinking why am I the person
I started thinking why am I the person writing their obituary I know that this
writing their obituary I know that this
writing their obituary I know that this person has lived I know that this person
person has lived I know that this person
person has lived I know that this person has inspired I know that this person has
has inspired I know that this person has
has inspired I know that this person has changed the world in some way even if it
changed the world in some way even if it
changed the world in some way even if it was very very very small and so I
was very very very small and so I
was very very very small and so I started thinking who is going to tell
started thinking who is going to tell
started thinking who is going to tell our stories and how will they be told
our stories and how will they be told
our stories and how will they be told how will your story be told so the first
how will your story be told so the first
how will your story be told so the first thing we have to think about when
thing we have to think about when
thing we have to think about when telling our stories is taking ownership
telling our stories is taking ownership
telling our stories is taking ownership of our own narrative when I first wrote
of our own narrative when I first wrote
of our own narrative when I first wrote nine years under which is my book about
nine years under which is my book about
nine years under which is my book about the funeral business I knew that I was
the funeral business I knew that I was
the funeral business I knew that I was writing about a business where one I was
writing about a business where one I was
writing about a business where one I was an outsider two women were
an outsider two women were
an outsider two women were underrepresented in that business most
underrepresented in that business most
underrepresented in that business most people their own funeral homes most
people their own funeral homes most
people their own funeral homes most women that own funeral homes inherit
women that own funeral homes inherit
women that own funeral homes inherit that from their husband or from their
that from their husband or from their
that from their husband or from their father or someone in the family and I
father or someone in the family and I
father or someone in the family and I was an outsider but I knew I wanted to
was an outsider but I knew I wanted to
was an outsider but I knew I wanted to tell this story about the funeral
tell this story about the funeral
tell this story about the funeral business and how it changed my life I
business and how it changed my life I
business and how it changed my life I knew that there were other characters
knew that there were other characters
knew that there were other characters and I knew that they may not want to be
and I knew that they may not want to be
and I knew that they may not want to be included in this but those moments
included in this but those moments
included in this but those moments helped shape my life they helped me
helped shape my life they helped me
helped shape my life they helped me become who I was and Anne Lamott says
become who I was and Anne Lamott says
become who I was and Anne Lamott says something like you know if you want
something like you know if you want
something like you know if you want people to write warmly about you then
people to write warmly about you then
people to write warmly about you then you should have
you should have
you should have paved better and so you should own
paved better and so you should own
paved better and so you should own whatever your story is going to be even
whatever your story is going to be even
whatever your story is going to be even when you try to be polite in pretty and
when you try to be polite in pretty and
when you try to be polite in pretty and shape things in a way that protects
shape things in a way that protects
shape things in a way that protects people no matter what you do someone is
people no matter what you do someone is
people no matter what you do someone is going to be unhappy with what you say so
going to be unhappy with what you say so
going to be unhappy with what you say so I spent probably like one month right I
I spent probably like one month right I
I spent probably like one month right I was writing this chapter about my mom my
was writing this chapter about my mom my
was writing this chapter about my mom my mom she had multiple myeloma which is a
mom she had multiple myeloma which is a
mom she had multiple myeloma which is a debilitating blood cancer that affects
debilitating blood cancer that affects
debilitating blood cancer that affects your bones it makes your bones a very
your bones it makes your bones a very
your bones it makes your bones a very weak like icy ochre OSIS and she had
weak like icy ochre OSIS and she had
weak like icy ochre OSIS and she had lived with it for a very long time and I
lived with it for a very long time and I
lived with it for a very long time and I spent all this time writing this chapter
spent all this time writing this chapter
spent all this time writing this chapter just making her just beautiful and
just making her just beautiful and
just making her just beautiful and courageous and wonderful the woman that
courageous and wonderful the woman that
courageous and wonderful the woman that I knew she was and I was so proud of all
I knew she was and I was so proud of all
I knew she was and I was so proud of all of these pages and I was excited I’m
of these pages and I was excited I’m
of these pages and I was excited I’m like yes I’m finally written a great
like yes I’m finally written a great
like yes I’m finally written a great chapter and I sat down with her and I
chapter and I sat down with her and I
chapter and I sat down with her and I read her the chapter and she said do you
read her the chapter and she said do you
read her the chapter and she said do you have to use the word cancer and I was
have to use the word cancer and I was
have to use the word cancer and I was like is there another word for cancer
like is there another word for cancer
like is there another word for cancer and she’s like well maybe terminal
and she’s like well maybe terminal
and she’s like well maybe terminal illness or something like that and I’m
illness or something like that and I’m
illness or something like that and I’m like really and so I had written all of
like really and so I had written all of
like really and so I had written all of those great things about her but the
those great things about her but the
those great things about her but the only thing that she heard was the word
only thing that she heard was the word
only thing that she heard was the word cancer so we can’t worry about what
cancer so we can’t worry about what
cancer so we can’t worry about what other people are going to think or feel
other people are going to think or feel
other people are going to think or feel when we tell our stories we just have to
when we tell our stories we just have to
when we tell our stories we just have to tell them they’re gonna get mad about it
tell them they’re gonna get mad about it
tell them they’re gonna get mad about it anyway so you have to tell your story I
anyway so you have to tell your story I
anyway so you have to tell your story I always say share your story because
always say share your story because
always say share your story because someone else has or someone else will so
someone else has or someone else will so
someone else has or someone else will so there’s this secret that I have to show
there’s this secret that I have to show
there’s this secret that I have to show you guys that there’s no such thing as a
you guys that there’s no such thing as a
you guys that there’s no such thing as a secret even your most trusted person in
secret even your most trusted person in
secret even your most trusted person in your life will tell your business to
your life will tell your business to
your life will tell your business to someone else
someone else
someone else that includes your mama as soon as you
that includes your mama as soon as you
that includes your mama as soon as you hang up the phone with her and she’s not
hang up the phone with her and she’s not
hang up the phone with her and she’s not doing it to put you out there when you
doing it to put you out there when you
doing it to put you out there when you hang up the phone with her she’s gonna
hang up the phone with her she’s gonna
hang up the phone with her she’s gonna call her bestie she’s gonna call her
call her bestie she’s gonna call her
call her bestie she’s gonna call her sister she’s gonna tell someone
sister she’s gonna tell someone
sister she’s gonna tell someone something that you’ve told her it
something that you’ve told her it
something that you’ve told her it doesn’t matter if it’s your mom your
doesn’t matter if it’s your mom your
doesn’t matter if it’s your mom your best friend your sister someone’s going
best friend your sister someone’s going
best friend your sister someone’s going to share that you might end up in the
to share that you might end up in the
to share that you might end up in the group text tomorrow
group text tomorrow
group text tomorrow with that dear secret that you had and
with that dear secret that you had and
with that dear secret that you had and that’s okay so when you show up at
that’s okay so when you show up at
that’s okay so when you show up at Thanksgiving dinner and everyone’s
Thanksgiving dinner and everyone’s
Thanksgiving dinner and everyone’s looking at you strange and you’re like
looking at you strange and you’re like
looking at you strange and you’re like oh my god
oh my god
oh my god do they know 9 times out of 10 they
do they know 9 times out of 10 they
do they know 9 times out of 10 they probably do and that is okay because you
probably do and that is okay because you
probably do and that is okay because you have to own your story yes you’ve heard
have to own your story yes you’ve heard
have to own your story yes you’ve heard about the break-up yes you’ve heard that
about the break-up yes you’ve heard that
about the break-up yes you’ve heard that I was fired for my job yes you heard
I was fired for my job yes you heard
I was fired for my job yes you heard that I did not get all A’s on my report
that I did not get all A’s on my report
that I did not get all A’s on my report card and I failed that class that is
card and I failed that class that is
card and I failed that class that is fine that is my story that is shaping me
fine that is my story that is shaping me
fine that is my story that is shaping me that is helping me to grow that is
that is helping me to grow that is
that is helping me to grow that is helping me to become the woman that I’m
helping me to become the woman that I’m
helping me to become the woman that I’m supposed to be so it’s okay I know you
supposed to be so it’s okay I know you
supposed to be so it’s okay I know you heard it but let me tell it to you for
heard it but let me tell it to you for
heard it but let me tell it to you for myself when you take ownership of your
myself when you take ownership of your
myself when you take ownership of your story and you tell it you change the
story and you tell it you change the
story and you tell it you change the narrative you control that piece of it
narrative you control that piece of it
narrative you control that piece of it the other thing I wanted to talk about
the other thing I wanted to talk about
the other thing I wanted to talk about is shame I think so many people do not
is shame I think so many people do not
is shame I think so many people do not tell their stories because they
tell their stories because they
tell their stories because they associate it with shame and you should
associate it with shame and you should
associate it with shame and you should never feel ashamed to tell your story no
never feel ashamed to tell your story no
never feel ashamed to tell your story no matter how bad it seems to you there is
matter how bad it seems to you there is
matter how bad it seems to you there is someone else out there that is
someone else out there that is
someone else out there that is experiencing exactly what you’re going
experiencing exactly what you’re going
experiencing exactly what you’re going through and they need to hear your story
through and they need to hear your story
through and they need to hear your story they need to know that you they can
they need to know that you they can
they need to know that you they can survive it for example we’re looking at
survive it for example we’re looking at
survive it for example we’re looking at what’s happening in Hollywood right now
what’s happening in Hollywood right now
what’s happening in Hollywood right now one woman started telling her story and
one woman started telling her story and
one woman started telling her story and then another woman started telling her
then another woman started telling her
then another woman started telling her story and then another woman started
story and then another woman started
story and then another woman started telling her story and now men are adding
telling her story and now men are adding
telling her story and now men are adding in their stories as well when a woman
in their stories as well when a woman
in their stories as well when a woman tells her story she has the power to
tells her story she has the power to
tells her story she has the power to change the world and a lot of times
change the world and a lot of times
change the world and a lot of times people put us in this box where we feel
people put us in this box where we feel
people put us in this box where we feel like we cannot talk about the things
like we cannot talk about the things
like we cannot talk about the things that shape and change us and we have to
that shape and change us and we have to
that shape and change us and we have to do that we live in a world where we see
do that we live in a world where we see
do that we live in a world where we see everything on Instagram and social media
everything on Instagram and social media
everything on Instagram and social media but what you don’t realize is that we’re
but what you don’t realize is that we’re
but what you don’t realize is that we’re watching someone’s highlight-reel
watching someone’s highlight-reel
watching someone’s highlight-reel you’re not seeing the negative things
you’re not seeing the negative things
you’re not seeing the negative things that go on there and so when you look at
that go on there and so when you look at
that go on there and so when you look at someone’s Instagram page it seems like
someone’s Instagram page it seems like
someone’s Instagram page it seems like they became successful overnight it
they became successful overnight it
they became successful overnight it seems like they have this great
seems like they have this great
seems like they have this great life but they’re really only showing you
life but they’re really only showing you
life but they’re really only showing you what they want you to see that’s them
what they want you to see that’s them
what they want you to see that’s them controlling their narrative that’s them
controlling their narrative that’s them
controlling their narrative that’s them telling the story that they want you to
telling the story that they want you to
telling the story that they want you to know and when you understand that life
know and when you understand that life
know and when you understand that life is about wins and losses then you’re
is about wins and losses then you’re
is about wins and losses then you’re okay with sharing your story as well
okay with sharing your story as well
okay with sharing your story as well your truth is your truth and that’s
your truth is your truth and that’s
your truth is your truth and that’s something that you have to acknowledge
something that you have to acknowledge
something that you have to acknowledge and say that yes anything that I have
and say that yes anything that I have
and say that yes anything that I have experienced for gone through that is
experienced for gone through that is
experienced for gone through that is true to me they always say you know
true to me they always say you know
true to me they always say you know there’s three sides to a story right
there’s three sides to a story right
there’s three sides to a story right your version their version and the
your version their version and the
your version their version and the actual truth but the fact of the matter
actual truth but the fact of the matter
actual truth but the fact of the matter is whatever your truth is that’s all
is whatever your truth is that’s all
is whatever your truth is that’s all that matters if someone disagrees they
that matters if someone disagrees they
that matters if someone disagrees they have the right to tell their story too
have the right to tell their story too
have the right to tell their story too they have the right to write their book
they have the right to write their book
they have the right to write their book they have the right to make a
they have the right to make a
they have the right to make a documentary or a movie depending on what
documentary or a movie depending on what
documentary or a movie depending on what they want to do but your truth belongs
they want to do but your truth belongs
they want to do but your truth belongs to you and then the last thing is who’s
to you and then the last thing is who’s
to you and then the last thing is who’s gonna tell our stories if we don’t tell
gonna tell our stories if we don’t tell
gonna tell our stories if we don’t tell them ourselves and when we don’t tell
them ourselves and when we don’t tell
them ourselves and when we don’t tell our stories we give other people
our stories we give other people
our stories we give other people permission to tell them for us when
permission to tell them for us when
permission to tell them for us when women don’t tell their stories
women don’t tell their stories
women don’t tell their stories we give men permission to tell them for
we give men permission to tell them for
we give men permission to tell them for us when black people African Americans
us when black people African Americans
us when black people African Americans when we don’t tell our stories we give
when we don’t tell our stories we give
when we don’t tell our stories we give other people permission to tell them for
other people permission to tell them for
other people permission to tell them for us and what happens is we find people
us and what happens is we find people
us and what happens is we find people who do not understand who we are who are
who do not understand who we are who are
who do not understand who we are who are not from where we are who do not have
not from where we are who do not have
not from where we are who do not have empathy for the things that we do and
empathy for the things that we do and
empathy for the things that we do and they try to tell our stories it’s up to
they try to tell our stories it’s up to
they try to tell our stories it’s up to us to tell our own story so that we
us to tell our own story so that we
us to tell our own story so that we don’t have to worry about that so that
don’t have to worry about that so that
don’t have to worry about that so that we’re represented on screen that were
we’re represented on screen that were
we’re represented on screen that were represented in the literary world that
represented in the literary world that
represented in the literary world that we’re represented everywhere out there
we’re represented everywhere out there
we’re represented everywhere out there that’s how we tell our stories that’s
that’s how we tell our stories that’s
that’s how we tell our stories that’s how we shape our lives that’s how we
how we shape our lives that’s how we
how we shape our lives that’s how we make sure a stranger is not writing our
make sure a stranger is not writing our
make sure a stranger is not writing our obituary that’s how we help other women
obituary that’s how we help other women
obituary that’s how we help other women to grow and to build and to become the
to grow and to build and to become the
to grow and to build and to become the people that they’re supposed to be so I
people that they’re supposed to be so I
people that they’re supposed to be so I wanted to leave you with a few words
wanted to leave you with a few words
wanted to leave you with a few words today before I end my TED talk just some
today before I end my TED talk just some
today before I end my TED talk just some things that I’ve been considering
things that I’ve been considering
things that I’ve been considering surrendering your words to fear is
surrendering your words to fear is
surrendering your words to fear is another form of violence a brutal attack
another form of violence a brutal attack
another form of violence a brutal attack on heart and soul it’s like
on heart and soul it’s like
on heart and soul it’s like self-mutilation cutting out your own
self-mutilation cutting out your own
self-mutilation cutting out your own tongue surrendering to your opponent
tongue surrendering to your opponent
tongue surrendering to your opponent without knowing if you would have won or
without knowing if you would have won or
without knowing if you would have won or inspired or influenced or any vote
inspired or influenced or any vote
inspired or influenced or any vote change how can you live with yourself
change how can you live with yourself
change how can you live with yourself knowing that the world still remains as
knowing that the world still remains as
knowing that the world still remains as it was yesterday where is your mark
it was yesterday where is your mark
it was yesterday where is your mark where are your footprints what seeds did
where are your footprints what seeds did
where are your footprints what seeds did you plant what knowledge did you impart
you plant what knowledge did you impart
you plant what knowledge did you impart have you dimmed your lights by hiding in
have you dimmed your lights by hiding in
have you dimmed your lights by hiding in the dark can you look into the eyes of a
the dark can you look into the eyes of a
the dark can you look into the eyes of a child and know something that you’ve
child and know something that you’ve
child and know something that you’ve done has touched them can you look at
done has touched them can you look at
done has touched them can you look at another face and know that you put that
another face and know that you put that
another face and know that you put that smile there
smile there
smile there have you ever whispered life into the
have you ever whispered life into the
have you ever whispered life into the ears of a cancer patient and watch them
ears of a cancer patient and watch them
ears of a cancer patient and watch them live again have you birth something and
live again have you birth something and
live again have you birth something and watched it grow beyond what you’ve ever
watched it grow beyond what you’ve ever
watched it grow beyond what you’ve ever imagined have you made love with the
imagined have you made love with the
imagined have you made love with the ingredients that you’ve been given are
ingredients that you’ve been given are
ingredients that you’ve been given are you even living when you’re old and your
you even living when you’re old and your
you even living when you’re old and your mind and your body betrays you who’s
mind and your body betrays you who’s
mind and your body betrays you who’s going to care for you where your
going to care for you where your
going to care for you where your children come to visit will anyone be
children come to visit will anyone be
children come to visit will anyone be grateful for your spirit how will you be
grateful for your spirit how will you be
grateful for your spirit how will you be remembered how will you be remembered
remembered how will you be remembered
remembered how will you be remembered because you must live on you cannot let
because you must live on you cannot let
because you must live on you cannot let words defeat you you cannot silence the
words defeat you you cannot silence the
words defeat you you cannot silence the voice that you’ve been given you cannot
voice that you’ve been given you cannot
voice that you’ve been given you cannot be selfish with your wisdom
be selfish with your wisdom
be selfish with your wisdom you cannot hoard life secrets in the
you cannot hoard life secrets in the
you cannot hoard life secrets in the compartments of your mind you cannot
compartments of your mind you cannot
compartments of your mind you cannot waste God’s precious time because you
waste God’s precious time because you
waste God’s precious time because you must speak you must speak up and speak
must speak you must speak up and speak
must speak you must speak up and speak out
out
out remove all doubt because holding your
remove all doubt because holding your
remove all doubt because holding your piece can sometimes cause a war
piece can sometimes cause a war
piece can sometimes cause a war I said holding your piece can sometimes
I said holding your piece can sometimes
I said holding your piece can sometimes cause a war and losing your words to
cause a war and losing your words to
cause a war and losing your words to fear it is the worst type of violence
fear it is the worst type of violence
fear it is the worst type of violence and we don’t need anymore thank you
and we don’t need anymore thank you
and we don’t need anymore thank you [Applause]
”
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