the one question we should be able to answer about education is what are
answer about education is what are
answer about education is what are school supposed to be good at
school supposed to be good at
school supposed to be good at surprisingly there’s not much agreement
surprisingly there’s not much agreement
surprisingly there’s not much agreement on this oh people will talk to you all
on this oh people will talk to you all
on this oh people will talk to you all day about what schools are not good at
day about what schools are not good at
day about what schools are not good at but if you’re looking for consensus on
but if you’re looking for consensus on
but if you’re looking for consensus on what the main mission of schools is
what the main mission of schools is
what the main mission of schools is supposed to be there isn’t any that’s
supposed to be there isn’t any that’s
supposed to be there isn’t any that’s what I’m going to talk about tonight now
what I’m going to talk about tonight now
what I’m going to talk about tonight now the fact that I have any sort of
the fact that I have any sort of
the fact that I have any sort of informed a pain at all on this is a
informed a pain at all on this is a
informed a pain at all on this is a little bit of a surprise to me
little bit of a surprise to me
little bit of a surprise to me firstly because I never really expected
firstly because I never really expected
firstly because I never really expected to be a teacher and secondly because
to be a teacher and secondly because
to be a teacher and secondly because even though I’ve been teaching for a
even though I’ve been teaching for a
even though I’ve been teaching for a while I don’t think of myself as a good
while I don’t think of myself as a good
while I don’t think of myself as a good teacher now I should explain I think I
teacher now I should explain I think I
teacher now I should explain I think I can help kids learn but what I mean is
can help kids learn but what I mean is
can help kids learn but what I mean is if you close your eyes and think of a
if you close your eyes and think of a
if you close your eyes and think of a good teacher you’re probably not
good teacher you’re probably not
good teacher you’re probably not imagining someone like me there’s lots
imagining someone like me there’s lots
imagining someone like me there’s lots of things about schools that I just
of things about schools that I just
of things about schools that I just don’t agree with my favorite thing in
don’t agree with my favorite thing in
don’t agree with my favorite thing in the world is not a well-planned lesson
I’m not good working with others and I
I’m not good working with others and I don’t really like sharing and so given
don’t really like sharing and so given
don’t really like sharing and so given all that you can probably appreciate
all that you can probably appreciate
all that you can probably appreciate that at times it’s been frustrating for
that at times it’s been frustrating for
that at times it’s been frustrating for me to be a teacher but I’ve persevered
me to be a teacher but I’ve persevered
me to be a teacher but I’ve persevered and I’ve persevered in part because I
and I’ve persevered in part because I
and I’ve persevered in part because I think I have a noble purpose before I
think I have a noble purpose before I
think I have a noble purpose before I became a teacher I worked in secure
became a teacher I worked in secure
became a teacher I worked in secure custody with young offenders and that
custody with young offenders and that
custody with young offenders and that work was exhilarating challenging
work was exhilarating challenging
work was exhilarating challenging sometimes frightening but ultimately
sometimes frightening but ultimately
sometimes frightening but ultimately frustrating because we would work with
frustrating because we would work with
frustrating because we would work with the young person we’d move them forward
the young person we’d move them forward
the young person we’d move them forward make their lives better we’d help them
make their lives better we’d help them
make their lives better we’d help them get ahead and then when their time with
get ahead and then when their time with
get ahead and then when their time with us was up we’d return them right back to
us was up we’d return them right back to
us was up we’d return them right back to the very conditions that created the
the very conditions that created the
the very conditions that created the problem in the first place and they’d
problem in the first place and they’d
problem in the first place and they’d often riaf end and it became obvious to
often riaf end and it became obvious to
often riaf end and it became obvious to me that if I was ever going to make a
me that if I was ever going to make a
me that if I was ever going to make a difference in the life of youth at risk
difference in the life of youth at risk
difference in the life of youth at risk I needed to be proactive I need to get
I needed to be proactive I need to get
I needed to be proactive I need to get to them before they got themselves in
to them before they got themselves in
to them before they got themselves in trouble and teaching seemed to offer a
trouble and teaching seemed to offer a
trouble and teaching seemed to offer a pathway to that so I went to Teachers
pathway to that so I went to Teachers
pathway to that so I went to Teachers College and even though I’ve been
College and even though I’ve been
College and even though I’ve been teaching now for over two decades that
teaching now for over two decades that
teaching now for over two decades that remains one of my main motivations for
remains one of my main motivations for
remains one of my main motivations for being a teacher trying to help youth at
being a teacher trying to help youth at
being a teacher trying to help youth at risk and it was one of my main
risk and it was one of my main
risk and it was one of my main motivations for being a teacher 13 years
motivations for being a teacher 13 years
motivations for being a teacher 13 years ago when I started the school year with
ago when I started the school year with
ago when I started the school year with a grade 7 class now the start of the
a grade 7 class now the start of the
a grade 7 class now the start of the school year for me is really only about
school year for me is really only about
school year for me is really only about two things it’s about helping students
two things it’s about helping students
two things it’s about helping students understand how our class runs and how it
understand how our class runs and how it
understand how our class runs and how it operates how we’re going to work
operates how we’re going to work
operates how we’re going to work together and forming relationships and
together and forming relationships and
together and forming relationships and this particularly R I was struggling to
this particularly R I was struggling to
this particularly R I was struggling to connect with one student Fraser was
connect with one student Fraser was
connect with one student Fraser was physically small not a great student and
physically small not a great student and
physically small not a great student and he wanted nothing to do with having a
he wanted nothing to do with having a
he wanted nothing to do with having a relationship with me sometimes the only
relationship with me sometimes the only
relationship with me sometimes the only thing he would do to acknowledge my
thing he would do to acknowledge my
thing he would do to acknowledge my presence
presence
presence would be when I would ask him to put his
would be when I would ask him to put his
would be when I would ask him to put his skateboard away in his locker and he’d
skateboard away in his locker and he’d
skateboard away in his locker and he’d look at me and say no he spent most of
look at me and say no he spent most of
look at me and say no he spent most of his time in my class reading books about
his time in my class reading books about
his time in my class reading books about his favorite TV show Dragon Ball Z
his favorite TV show Dragon Ball Z
his favorite TV show Dragon Ball Z [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] drawing or talking to his friends
[Applause]
[Applause] it looked like it was going to be a
it looked like it was going to be a
it looked like it was going to be a tough year and then partway through the
tough year and then partway through the
tough year and then partway through the second week we had a minor breakthrough
second week we had a minor breakthrough
second week we had a minor breakthrough it was a beautiful fall day sunny but
it was a beautiful fall day sunny but
it was a beautiful fall day sunny but not hot leaves just starting to change
not hot leaves just starting to change
not hot leaves just starting to change and we had phys ed at the end of the day
and we had phys ed at the end of the day
and we had phys ed at the end of the day so I took the class outside and we
so I took the class outside and we
so I took the class outside and we played soccer amazingly Fraser
played soccer amazingly Fraser
played soccer amazingly Fraser participated not strictly true he threw
participated not strictly true he threw
participated not strictly true he threw himself into the game with unbridled
himself into the game with unbridled
himself into the game with unbridled enthusiasm he was wearing pants that
enthusiasm he was wearing pants that
enthusiasm he was wearing pants that were maybe three sizes too big and he
were maybe three sizes too big and he
were maybe three sizes too big and he would take five steps and his pants
would take five steps and his pants
would take five steps and his pants would start to fall down so he’d stop
would start to fall down so he’d stop
would start to fall down so he’d stop and pull them up and then run again it
and pull them up and then run again it
and pull them up and then run again it looked hilarious by the end of the game
looked hilarious by the end of the game
looked hilarious by the end of the game he had given up completely and was just
he had given up completely and was just
he had given up completely and was just running around holding his pants up but
running around holding his pants up but
running around holding his pants up but when the the bell rang and he walked off
when the the bell rang and he walked off
when the the bell rang and he walked off the field his face was red with effort
the field his face was red with effort
the field his face was red with effort he was sweaty but he had a big smile on
he was sweaty but he had a big smile on
he was sweaty but he had a big smile on it and he walked past me and he picked
it and he walked past me and he picked
it and he walked past me and he picked up his skateboard in his bag and then he
up his skateboard in his bag and then he
up his skateboard in his bag and then he stopped and he turned and for the first
stopped and he turned and for the first
stopped and he turned and for the first time he waved to me and I thought nice
time he waved to me and I thought nice
time he waved to me and I thought nice and as he walked away sort of
and as he walked away sort of
and as he walked away sort of silhouetted against the Sun I thought I
silhouetted against the Sun I thought I
silhouetted against the Sun I thought I think we have a little something there a
think we have a little something there a
think we have a little something there a little connection I think we can work
little connection I think we can work
little connection I think we can work with that
with that
with that but it was a busy day lot to do so I
but it was a busy day lot to do so I
but it was a busy day lot to do so I grabbed my stuff and I went inside and I
grabbed my stuff and I went inside and I
grabbed my stuff and I went inside and I started getting ready for the next day
started getting ready for the next day
started getting ready for the next day the following morning I was driving to
the following morning I was driving to
the following morning I was driving to school and I went past the house that
school and I went past the house that
school and I went past the house that had yellow tape around it and two police
had yellow tape around it and two police
had yellow tape around it and two police cars waiting out front
cars waiting out front
cars waiting out front and I wondered why and when I got to
and I wondered why and when I got to
and I wondered why and when I got to school I was surprised to find the front
school I was surprised to find the front
school I was surprised to find the front doors unlocked and the principal waiting
doors unlocked and the principal waiting
doors unlocked and the principal waiting inside for me he assured me into his
inside for me he assured me into his
inside for me he assured me into his office closed the door and started to
office closed the door and started to
office closed the door and started to cry and when he stopped he told me that
cry and when he stopped he told me that
cry and when he stopped he told me that Fraser had killed himself
now it’s a cliche that during times of
now it’s a cliche that during times of crisis things move like they’re in slow
crisis things move like they’re in slow
crisis things move like they’re in slow motion but that’s exactly how we
motion but that’s exactly how we
motion but that’s exactly how we remember the next two weeks I remember
remember the next two weeks I remember
remember the next two weeks I remember class meetings where the grief
class meetings where the grief
class meetings where the grief counselors talked to students just to
counselors talked to students just to
counselors talked to students just to numb with grief to listen I remember
numb with grief to listen I remember
numb with grief to listen I remember taking boys down to the gym who punched
taking boys down to the gym who punched
taking boys down to the gym who punched blue mats and screamed out why until
blue mats and screamed out why until
blue mats and screamed out why until their hands were sore and red and I
their hands were sore and red and I
their hands were sore and red and I remember the staff meeting where the
remember the staff meeting where the
remember the staff meeting where the police came and they told us what they
police came and they told us what they
police came and they told us what they knew about Frazier’s death which was
knew about Frazier’s death which was
knew about Frazier’s death which was almost nothing than half of our staff
almost nothing than half of our staff
almost nothing than half of our staff broke down crying there was a memorial
broke down crying there was a memorial
broke down crying there was a memorial service where I got up and spoke about a
service where I got up and spoke about a
service where I got up and spoke about a boy I’d known for six days and tried to
boy I’d known for six days and tried to
boy I’d known for six days and tried to say something that would comfort a
say something that would comfort a
say something that would comfort a grieving family there was a memorial
grieving family there was a memorial
grieving family there was a memorial stone out in front of the school that we
stone out in front of the school that we
stone out in front of the school that we dedicated to Frazier and there was an
dedicated to Frazier and there was an
dedicated to Frazier and there was an open casket funeral with lots and lots
open casket funeral with lots and lots
open casket funeral with lots and lots of crying students I’d given Frazier the
of crying students I’d given Frazier the
of crying students I’d given Frazier the locker right outside our classroom
locker right outside our classroom
locker right outside our classroom because I thought that would be easier
because I thought that would be easier
because I thought that would be easier for him because I’d have to keep
for him because I’d have to keep
for him because I’d have to keep reminding him to put his skateboard away
reminding him to put his skateboard away
reminding him to put his skateboard away and it would be a shorter journey now
and it would be a shorter journey now
and it would be a shorter journey now the locker loomed at us every time we
the locker loomed at us every time we
the locker loomed at us every time we walked in and out of the classroom there
walked in and out of the classroom there
walked in and out of the classroom there it was reminding us of what had happened
it was reminding us of what had happened
it was reminding us of what had happened his things were still inside it his
his things were still inside it his
his things were still inside it his lunch bag his drawings his Dragon Ball Z
lunch bag his drawings his Dragon Ball Z
lunch bag his drawings his Dragon Ball Z books his pencils I didn’t know what to
books his pencils I didn’t know what to
books his pencils I didn’t know what to do with them
do with them
do with them it felt disrespectful to move them and
it felt disrespectful to move them and
it felt disrespectful to move them and then students started to decorate the
then students started to decorate the
then students started to decorate the front of Locke or they put streamers
front of Locke or they put streamers
front of Locke or they put streamers they wrote notes it made it impossible
they wrote notes it made it impossible
they wrote notes it made it impossible not to notice and then I came into
not to notice and then I came into
not to notice and then I came into school one day and it was all gone so
school one day and it was all gone so
school one day and it was all gone so wondered
wondered
wondered the locker and right away I missed it as
the locker and right away I missed it as
the locker and right away I missed it as with all tragedy life goes on and that’s
with all tragedy life goes on and that’s
with all tragedy life goes on and that’s what happened to us
what happened to us
what happened to us slowly boom surely life went on people
slowly boom surely life went on people
slowly boom surely life went on people went back to what they were doing
went back to what they were doing
went back to what they were doing normally except for me
normally except for me
normally except for me I couldn’t let it go weeks months even
I couldn’t let it go weeks months even
I couldn’t let it go weeks months even years later I apply myself thinking
years later I apply myself thinking
years later I apply myself thinking about it and asking myself did I do
about it and asking myself did I do
about it and asking myself did I do enough when he was with me could I have
enough when he was with me could I have
enough when he was with me could I have done something that would have made a
done something that would have made a
done something that would have made a difference when he walked away from me
difference when he walked away from me
difference when he walked away from me on the night he died did he know that he
on the night he died did he know that he
on the night he died did he know that he mattered now I know that’s irrational
mattered now I know that’s irrational
mattered now I know that’s irrational and I knew that then as a teacher I can
and I knew that then as a teacher I can
and I knew that then as a teacher I can have a significant influence on the life
have a significant influence on the life
have a significant influence on the life of a student but compared to the life
of a student but compared to the life
of a student but compared to the life outside my classroom my powers are
outside my classroom my powers are
outside my classroom my powers are pretty limited students spend less than
pretty limited students spend less than
pretty limited students spend less than 20% of their time in class and so while
20% of their time in class and so while
20% of their time in class and so while society would like us to believe that
society would like us to believe that
society would like us to believe that schools are powerful and can fix
schools are powerful and can fix
schools are powerful and can fix anything like drug addiction or smoking
anything like drug addiction or smoking
anything like drug addiction or smoking or sexual health or obesity or coding or
or sexual health or obesity or coding or
or sexual health or obesity or coding or math scores our ability to change things
math scores our ability to change things
math scores our ability to change things is actually pretty limited we can’t do
is actually pretty limited we can’t do
is actually pretty limited we can’t do everything and this is especially true
everything and this is especially true
everything and this is especially true for a student at risk because no matter
for a student at risk because no matter
for a student at risk because no matter what we do for that student no matter
what we do for that student no matter
what we do for that student no matter how much we tell them that we care how
how much we tell them that we care how
how much we tell them that we care how much we feed them give them school
much we feed them give them school
much we feed them give them school supplies show them the right way to do
supplies show them the right way to do
supplies show them the right way to do things and say to them hey you know what
things and say to them hey you know what
things and say to them hey you know what hang in there kid because soon things
hang in there kid because soon things
hang in there kid because soon things are going to get better and you’re gonna
are going to get better and you’re gonna
are going to get better and you’re gonna make a difference in your life and the
make a difference in your life and the
make a difference in your life and the life of every other person around you no
life of every other person around you no
life of every other person around you no matter how much we do that at the end of
matter how much we do that at the end of
matter how much we do that at the end of the day they walk out of our classroom
the day they walk out of our classroom
the day they walk out of our classroom I’m back into the world that put them at
I’m back into the world that put them at
I’m back into the world that put them at risk in the first place for some kids
risk in the first place for some kids
risk in the first place for some kids the world is a cruel place and there’s
the world is a cruel place and there’s
the world is a cruel place and there’s not much we can do to change
not much we can do to change
not much we can do to change is that but that was my rational mind
is that but that was my rational mind
is that but that was my rational mind and no matter how hard I tried to
and no matter how hard I tried to
and no matter how hard I tried to irrational doubts would creep in here
irrational doubts would creep in here
irrational doubts would creep in here was one of those kids that had led me to
was one of those kids that had led me to
was one of those kids that had led me to teaching in the first place one of those
teaching in the first place one of those
teaching in the first place one of those kids I’d pledged to help a kid battered
kids I’d pledged to help a kid battered
kids I’d pledged to help a kid battered by forces too powerful for him to handle
by forces too powerful for him to handle
by forces too powerful for him to handle a kid who needed a life raft or maybe a
a kid who needed a life raft or maybe a
a kid who needed a life raft or maybe a life preserver with a rope and someone
life preserver with a rope and someone
life preserver with a rope and someone to pull him to shore I missed one a few
to pull him to shore I missed one a few
to pull him to shore I missed one a few years later I decided to write about
years later I decided to write about
years later I decided to write about what had happened try to make some sense
what had happened try to make some sense
what had happened try to make some sense out of it and when I shared my writing
out of it and when I shared my writing
out of it and when I shared my writing an incredible thing happened the
an incredible thing happened the
an incredible thing happened the students who’d sat in my classroom
students who’d sat in my classroom
students who’d sat in my classroom crying the ones who’d gone to the gym
crying the ones who’d gone to the gym
crying the ones who’d gone to the gym and punched the blue mats read what I
and punched the blue mats read what I
and punched the blue mats read what I wrote and they wrote back to me and they
wrote and they wrote back to me and they
wrote and they wrote back to me and they told me something I’d never even
told me something I’d never even
told me something I’d never even considered they told me I was wrong they
considered they told me I was wrong they
considered they told me I was wrong they told me the story of Frazier wasn’t the
told me the story of Frazier wasn’t the
told me the story of Frazier wasn’t the story of the kid I missed they said it
story of the kid I missed they said it
story of the kid I missed they said it was a story of the 26 thirteen year olds
was a story of the 26 thirteen year olds
was a story of the 26 thirteen year olds that I had helped negotiate through
that I had helped negotiate through
that I had helped negotiate through tragedy they talked about how I’d stood
tragedy they talked about how I’d stood
tragedy they talked about how I’d stood with them and how I’d supported them
Leslie wrote your stability through that
Leslie wrote your stability through that rocky September was profound for all of
rocky September was profound for all of
rocky September was profound for all of us students thank you for teaching but
us students thank you for teaching but
us students thank you for teaching but more importantly your caring I’d never
more importantly your caring I’d never
more importantly your caring I’d never thought of that so what did I learn from
thought of that so what did I learn from
thought of that so what did I learn from all this
all this
all this what did Frazier’s death teach me the
what did Frazier’s death teach me the
what did Frazier’s death teach me the most important thing I can do as a
most important thing I can do as a
most important thing I can do as a teacher are the relationships I formed
teacher are the relationships I formed
teacher are the relationships I formed with my students and the relationships I
with my students and the relationships I
with my students and the relationships I helped them form with others when my
helped them form with others when my
helped them form with others when my students come to me in the morning I
students come to me in the morning I
students come to me in the morning I don’t know where they’re coming from and
don’t know where they’re coming from and
don’t know where they’re coming from and I don’t know what they’re carrying and
I don’t know what they’re carrying and
I don’t know what they’re carrying and when they leave at the end of the day I
when they leave at the end of the day I
when they leave at the end of the day I don’t know what they’re walking into
don’t know what they’re walking into
don’t know what they’re walking into so each morning I stand outside my
so each morning I stand outside my
so each morning I stand outside my classroom and I greet them I look them
classroom and I greet them I look them
classroom and I greet them I look them in the eye I smile at them I say their
in the eye I smile at them I say their
in the eye I smile at them I say their names every one of them and I welcome
names every one of them and I welcome
names every one of them and I welcome them and throughout the day I try to
them and throughout the day I try to
them and throughout the day I try to find time to be with them and I listen
find time to be with them and I listen
find time to be with them and I listen to their stories and I tell them my
to their stories and I tell them my
to their stories and I tell them my stories and sometimes I try to make them
stories and sometimes I try to make them
stories and sometimes I try to make them laugh and at the end of the day when
laugh and at the end of the day when
laugh and at the end of the day when it’s time for them to leave I look them
it’s time for them to leave I look them
it’s time for them to leave I look them in the eyes again I say their name and I
in the eyes again I say their name and I
in the eyes again I say their name and I tell them to be careful now I know this
tell them to be careful now I know this
tell them to be careful now I know this is not much it’s not going to fix
is not much it’s not going to fix
is not much it’s not going to fix anyone’s math scores but I think it
anyone’s math scores but I think it
anyone’s math scores but I think it matters a lot in a busy classroom it’s
matters a lot in a busy classroom it’s
matters a lot in a busy classroom it’s easy to miss one and I don’t want to
easy to miss one and I don’t want to
easy to miss one and I don’t want to take a chance I want them to know that I
take a chance I want them to know that I
take a chance I want them to know that I see them and that they matter the thing
see them and that they matter the thing
see them and that they matter the thing we need schools to be good at most of
we need schools to be good at most of
we need schools to be good at most of all is helping our students to be more
all is helping our students to be more
all is helping our students to be more fully human helping them to work
fully human helping them to work
fully human helping them to work together to learn how to laugh together
together to learn how to laugh together
together to learn how to laugh together how to ask for and receive help how to
how to ask for and receive help how to
how to ask for and receive help how to give help to someone how to stand up for
give help to someone how to stand up for
give help to someone how to stand up for someone who needs someone to do that how
someone who needs someone to do that how
someone who needs someone to do that how to stand together in crisis and we need
to stand together in crisis and we need
to stand together in crisis and we need our schools to do this most of all
our schools to do this most of all
our schools to do this most of all because if our students don’t understand
because if our students don’t understand
because if our students don’t understand the importance of being connected with
the importance of being connected with
the importance of being connected with each other then none of the hundreds of
each other then none of the hundreds of
each other then none of the hundreds of other things we try to teach them are
other things we try to teach them are
other things we try to teach them are going to make much difference in their
going to make much difference in their
going to make much difference in their lives at all
”
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