[Music] in the late 60s early 70s there was a
in the late 60s early 70s there was a
in the late 60s early 70s there was a movement that took place primarily in
movement that took place primarily in
movement that took place primarily in California called the Jesus Movement
California called the Jesus Movement
California called the Jesus Movement where ex-hippies grew up a little bit
where ex-hippies grew up a little bit
where ex-hippies grew up a little bit had some kids and decided to channel all
had some kids and decided to channel all
had some kids and decided to channel all of that anti-establishment angst into
of that anti-establishment angst into
of that anti-establishment angst into religion my father was one such X hippie
religion my father was one such X hippie
religion my father was one such X hippie and together with my grandfather he
and together with my grandfather he
and together with my grandfather he started a small cult called the assembly
started a small cult called the assembly
started a small cult called the assembly yeah this is a super light-hearted story
yeah this is a super light-hearted story
yeah this is a super light-hearted story so I find myself at 5 years old
so I find myself at 5 years old
so I find myself at 5 years old I’m standing on a street corner in my
I’m standing on a street corner in my
I’m standing on a street corner in my favorite conservative dress
favorite conservative dress
favorite conservative dress the pink one with the white pinstripes
the pink one with the white pinstripes
the pink one with the white pinstripes and I have my favorite white purse slung
and I have my favorite white purse slung
and I have my favorite white purse slung over my shoulder because I love purses
over my shoulder because I love purses
over my shoulder because I love purses almost more than I love Christ himself
almost more than I love Christ himself
almost more than I love Christ himself and my dad is yelling the gospel at
and my dad is yelling the gospel at
and my dad is yelling the gospel at people as they walk by because he
people as they walk by because he
people as they walk by because he believes that’s a surefire way to win
believes that’s a surefire way to win
believes that’s a surefire way to win people to Christ I’m terrified because
people to Christ I’m terrified because
people to Christ I’m terrified because I’m a quiet kid and I’m shy and I avoid
I’m a quiet kid and I’m shy and I avoid
I’m a quiet kid and I’m shy and I avoid confrontation at all costs and even in
confrontation at all costs and even in
confrontation at all costs and even in my brief five years of living I have
my brief five years of living I have
my brief five years of living I have learned that yelling the gospel can be
learned that yelling the gospel can be
learned that yelling the gospel can be interpreted by some as confrontational
interpreted by some as confrontational
interpreted by some as confrontational but I’ve been taught that I could be the
but I’ve been taught that I could be the
but I’ve been taught that I could be the only thing standing between a soul and
only thing standing between a soul and
only thing standing between a soul and the burning fiery furnace of Hell so
the burning fiery furnace of Hell so
the burning fiery furnace of Hell so there I am it’s at that moment that I
there I am it’s at that moment that I
there I am it’s at that moment that I see her she’s an older woman and she’s
see her she’s an older woman and she’s
see her she’s an older woman and she’s got this gray flyaway hair and she’s not
got this gray flyaway hair and she’s not
got this gray flyaway hair and she’s not wearing any nail polish and I don’t
wearing any nail polish and I don’t
wearing any nail polish and I don’t understand how anybody outside of the
understand how anybody outside of the
understand how anybody outside of the group I’m in would go one day without
group I’m in would go one day without
group I’m in would go one day without nail polish because I love nail polish
nail polish because I love nail polish
nail polish because I love nail polish almost as much as I love Christ himself
almost as much as I love Christ himself
almost as much as I love Christ himself but it’s totally forbidden she locks
but it’s totally forbidden she locks
but it’s totally forbidden she locks eyes with me and she walks up to me and
eyes with me and she walks up to me and
eyes with me and she walks up to me and she gets down on one knee and she says
she gets down on one knee and she says
she gets down on one knee and she says one day you will grow up and you will
one day you will grow up and you will
one day you will grow up and you will realize you can leave all of this all of
realize you can leave all of this all of
realize you can leave all of this all of us have had to grow up and leave
us have had to grow up and leave
us have had to grow up and leave something probably not a cult it might
something probably not a cult it might
something probably not a cult it might have been an unhealthy relationship or a
have been an unhealthy relationship or a
have been an unhealthy relationship or a drug habit maybe you just have a really
drug habit maybe you just have a really
drug habit maybe you just have a really strong sweet tooth
strong sweet tooth
strong sweet tooth leaving is incredibly difficult but it
leaving is incredibly difficult but it
leaving is incredibly difficult but it is also completely life-changing a fun
is also completely life-changing a fun
is also completely life-changing a fun fact that all cults share is that they
fact that all cults share is that they
fact that all cults share is that they reject the label cult even now sixteen
reject the label cult even now sixteen
reject the label cult even now sixteen years since I left my parents will give
years since I left my parents will give
years since I left my parents will give me a list of reasons why the assembly
me a list of reasons why the assembly
me a list of reasons why the assembly was not a cult so fine it wasn’t a cult
was not a cult so fine it wasn’t a cult
was not a cult so fine it wasn’t a cult it was an evangelical fundamentalist
it was an evangelical fundamentalist
it was an evangelical fundamentalist nondenominational religious fringe group
nondenominational religious fringe group
nondenominational religious fringe group whose charismatic leader could do
whose charismatic leader could do
whose charismatic leader could do whatever he wanted but it wasn’t a cult
whatever he wanted but it wasn’t a cult
whatever he wanted but it wasn’t a cult sure we had some strange religious
sure we had some strange religious
sure we had some strange religious beliefs you might even call them extreme
beliefs you might even call them extreme
beliefs you might even call them extreme and we did live in communal homes
and we did live in communal homes
and we did live in communal homes together maybe we didn’t exactly
together maybe we didn’t exactly
together maybe we didn’t exactly integrate into society with silly things
integrate into society with silly things
integrate into society with silly things like demanding careers but it wasn’t a
like demanding careers but it wasn’t a
like demanding careers but it wasn’t a cult because we had mainstream religious
cult because we had mainstream religious
cult because we had mainstream religious beliefs like God is all present God is
beliefs like God is all present God is
beliefs like God is all present God is all-knowing and women can’t pierce their
all-knowing and women can’t pierce their
all-knowing and women can’t pierce their ears we wanted to return to the simple
ears we wanted to return to the simple
ears we wanted to return to the simple life of the early Christians not sure we
life of the early Christians not sure we
life of the early Christians not sure we knew exactly how early we were talking
knew exactly how early we were talking
knew exactly how early we were talking we didn’t want to be literally thrown to
we didn’t want to be literally thrown to
we didn’t want to be literally thrown to the Lions but also to women really need
the Lions but also to women really need
the Lions but also to women really need equality
equality
equality so I guess post Augustine but pre
so I guess post Augustine but pre
so I guess post Augustine but pre feminist
feminist
feminist early Christians my grandparents George
early Christians my grandparents George
early Christians my grandparents George and Betty were in charge George was a
and Betty were in charge George was a
and Betty were in charge George was a fantastic public speaker a charismatic
fantastic public speaker a charismatic
fantastic public speaker a charismatic leader and an abusive narcissistic
leader and an abusive narcissistic
leader and an abusive narcissistic pathological liar my father was an elder
pathological liar my father was an elder
pathological liar my father was an elder and my mother was his wife but it wasn’t
and my mother was his wife but it wasn’t
and my mother was his wife but it wasn’t a cult because women could go to the
a cult because women could go to the
a cult because women could go to the beach just like anybody as long as we
beach just like anybody as long as we
beach just like anybody as long as we were fully clothed
were fully clothed
were fully clothed because nothing derailed the will of an
because nothing derailed the will of an
because nothing derailed the will of an Almighty God like a woman in a one-piece
the Assembly targeted college aged kids
the Assembly targeted college aged kids vulnerable because they’re on their own
vulnerable because they’re on their own
vulnerable because they’re on their own for the first time and they’re looking
for the first time and they’re looking
for the first time and they’re looking for a community a place where they can
for a community a place where they can
for a community a place where they can connect with other people every summer
connect with other people every summer
connect with other people every summer my dad would pack up my mom my sister
my dad would pack up my mom my sister
my dad would pack up my mom my sister and I and we would drive to another
and I and we would drive to another
and I and we would drive to another state to build the assembly throughout
state to build the assembly throughout
state to build the assembly throughout the u.s. these trips are some of my
the u.s. these trips are some of my
the u.s. these trips are some of my favorite childhood memories we
favorite childhood memories we
favorite childhood memories we at good times together and we thought we
at good times together and we thought we
at good times together and we thought we were doing the work of the Lord but as I
were doing the work of the Lord but as I
were doing the work of the Lord but as I grew up I started to realize the work of
grew up I started to realize the work of
grew up I started to realize the work of the Lord has a lot of rules if you’re
the Lord has a lot of rules if you’re
the Lord has a lot of rules if you’re wondering what this life looks like here
wondering what this life looks like here
wondering what this life looks like here is a list of things that were forbidden
is a list of things that were forbidden
is a list of things that were forbidden dating television science ambitious
dating television science ambitious
dating television science ambitious females those things are so dangerous
females those things are so dangerous
females those things are so dangerous clapping loudly after a performance god
clapping loudly after a performance god
clapping loudly after a performance god only gets the glory with the soft clap
only gets the glory with the soft clap
only gets the glory with the soft clap also forbidden psychiatry dancing
also forbidden psychiatry dancing
also forbidden psychiatry dancing happiness freedom adorable baby puppies
but don’t worry there was still so much
but don’t worry there was still so much in the assembly that we could enjoy like
in the assembly that we could enjoy like
in the assembly that we could enjoy like kale creepy men
kale creepy men
kale creepy men climate change denial pyramid schemes
climate change denial pyramid schemes
climate change denial pyramid schemes were big thing weird diets also
were big thing weird diets also
were big thing weird diets also enjoyable anxiety sorrow depression
enjoyable anxiety sorrow depression
enjoyable anxiety sorrow depression untreated okay because psychiatry is for
untreated okay because psychiatry is for
untreated okay because psychiatry is for unbelievers Colts don’t want to be
unbelievers Colts don’t want to be
unbelievers Colts don’t want to be defined as a cult because it empowers
defined as a cult because it empowers
defined as a cult because it empowers its members to take a critical look at
its members to take a critical look at
its members to take a critical look at it language and cults is controlled
it language and cults is controlled
it language and cults is controlled because language is powerful this
because language is powerful this
because language is powerful this happens in the real world too
happens in the real world too
happens in the real world too despite what 98% of our world’s
despite what 98% of our world’s
despite what 98% of our world’s scientists say let’s not call it climate
scientists say let’s not call it climate
scientists say let’s not call it climate change when I was five years old my mom
change when I was five years old my mom
change when I was five years old my mom was trying to recruit this hairdresser
was trying to recruit this hairdresser
was trying to recruit this hairdresser into our group so she sent me for a
into our group so she sent me for a
into our group so she sent me for a haircut I told her that my secret hero
haircut I told her that my secret hero
haircut I told her that my secret hero was Mary Lou Retton the Olympic gymnast
was Mary Lou Retton the Olympic gymnast
was Mary Lou Retton the Olympic gymnast and she tried to cut my hair like hers
and she tried to cut my hair like hers
and she tried to cut my hair like hers basically I came out of there looking
basically I came out of there looking
basically I came out of there looking like Javier Bardem in No Country for Old
like Javier Bardem in No Country for Old
like Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men maybe a little less murdery I was
Men maybe a little less murdery I was
Men maybe a little less murdery I was ecstatic
ecstatic
ecstatic my parents were appalled short hair was
my parents were appalled short hair was
my parents were appalled short hair was God’s plan for men only as five years
God’s plan for men only as five years
God’s plan for men only as five years old I had already foiled the Almighty
old I had already foiled the Almighty
old I had already foiled the Almighty God and his somewhat specific and kind
God and his somewhat specific and kind
God and his somewhat specific and kind of fragile plan for my hair the Assembly
of fragile plan for my hair the Assembly
of fragile plan for my hair the Assembly had a school for all the kids to go to
had a school for all the kids to go to
had a school for all the kids to go to through eighth grade my mom was the
through eighth grade my mom was the
through eighth grade my mom was the principal for about two seconds until
principal for about two seconds until
principal for about two seconds until the elders realized they had mistakenly
the elders realized they had mistakenly
the elders realized they had mistakenly put a woman in charge women were never
put a woman in charge women were never
put a woman in charge women were never encouraged to be in the workplace but if
encouraged to be in the workplace but if
encouraged to be in the workplace but if they had to be they should not be in
they had to be they should not be in
they had to be they should not be in charge of men that wasn’t biblical but
charge of men that wasn’t biblical but
charge of men that wasn’t biblical but remember it wasn’t a cult it was a
remember it wasn’t a cult it was a
remember it wasn’t a cult it was a wonderful place to be a young woman we
wonderful place to be a young woman we
wonderful place to be a young woman we didn’t have the burden of forming our
didn’t have the burden of forming our
didn’t have the burden of forming our own opinions the men got to do that
own opinions the men got to do that
own opinions the men got to do that heavy lifting it’s so luxurious to be
heavy lifting it’s so luxurious to be
heavy lifting it’s so luxurious to be told what to think a special
told what to think a special
told what to think a special by wonderfully power-hungry men like
by wonderfully power-hungry men like
by wonderfully power-hungry men like elder Earl sure he didn’t see the wisdom
elder Earl sure he didn’t see the wisdom
elder Earl sure he didn’t see the wisdom and a good stick of deodorant but when I
and a good stick of deodorant but when I
and a good stick of deodorant but when I was 15 and I had the gall to our
was 15 and I had the gall to our
was 15 and I had the gall to our lipstick to a church meeting he had the
lipstick to a church meeting he had the
lipstick to a church meeting he had the wisdom to tell me I had distracted him
wisdom to tell me I had distracted him
wisdom to tell me I had distracted him the entire two-hour meeting because my
the entire two-hour meeting because my
the entire two-hour meeting because my lips were on my face Revlon’s light lip
lips were on my face Revlon’s light lip
lips were on my face Revlon’s light lip blush number 666 had kept this poor
blush number 666 had kept this poor
blush number 666 had kept this poor servant of God from hearing God’s voice
servant of God from hearing God’s voice
servant of God from hearing God’s voice that was my bad I needed to apologize
that was my bad I needed to apologize
that was my bad I needed to apologize because the Assembly did target colleges
because the Assembly did target colleges
because the Assembly did target colleges I was allowed to go to college and this
I was allowed to go to college and this
I was allowed to go to college and this was the biggest break of my life I had
was the biggest break of my life I had
was the biggest break of my life I had to start a Bible study on campus at UC
to start a Bible study on campus at UC
to start a Bible study on campus at UC Irvine and I had to live in a training
Irvine and I had to live in a training
Irvine and I had to live in a training home in Fullerton training homes were
home in Fullerton training homes were
home in Fullerton training homes were the Assemblies communal living homes
the Assemblies communal living homes
the Assemblies communal living homes where groups of people would live with
where groups of people would live with
where groups of people would live with an elder his wife and kids basically it
an elder his wife and kids basically it
an elder his wife and kids basically it was a super fun way of making sure that
was a super fun way of making sure that
was a super fun way of making sure that we had no free time Colts are
we had no free time Colts are
we had no free time Colts are all-consuming they don’t allow their
all-consuming they don’t allow their
all-consuming they don’t allow their members to invest in a life outside of
members to invest in a life outside of
members to invest in a life outside of the group but College became a refuge
the group but College became a refuge
the group but College became a refuge for me it was the first time in my life
for me it was the first time in my life
for me it was the first time in my life I could spend hours of my day without
I could spend hours of my day without
I could spend hours of my day without seeing anybody from the assembly and at
seeing anybody from the assembly and at
seeing anybody from the assembly and at the same time I was getting an education
the same time I was getting an education
the same time I was getting an education this world that I had been taught was
this world that I had been taught was
this world that I had been taught was dark was actually amazing get this women
dark was actually amazing get this women
dark was actually amazing get this women in the arts women in science there was a
in the arts women in science there was a
in the arts women in science there was a place for me there if I wanted it I
place for me there if I wanted it I
place for me there if I wanted it I started to see how small my worldview
started to see how small my worldview
started to see how small my worldview really was
really was
really was I could have left the assembly by then I
I could have left the assembly by then I
I could have left the assembly by then I was over 18 but in a cult when you leave
was over 18 but in a cult when you leave
was over 18 but in a cult when you leave you’re shunned and I wasn’t ready to
you’re shunned and I wasn’t ready to
you’re shunned and I wasn’t ready to lose my family and my friends women
lose my family and my friends women
lose my family and my friends women children and people of color were
children and people of color were
children and people of color were second-class citizens in the assembly to
second-class citizens in the assembly to
second-class citizens in the assembly to put it mildly there was emotional and
put it mildly there was emotional and
put it mildly there was emotional and psychological abuse but there was also
psychological abuse but there was also
psychological abuse but there was also physical abuse when I was a young girl I
physical abuse when I was a young girl I
physical abuse when I was a young girl I saw my uncle abusing my cousin’s and I
saw my uncle abusing my cousin’s and I
saw my uncle abusing my cousin’s and I told my dad what I had seen he told me
told my dad what I had seen he told me
told my dad what I had seen he told me he would take care of it and the
he would take care of it and the
he would take care of it and the assembly did by covering it up
assembly did by covering it up
assembly did by covering it up shortly after I graduated from college I
shortly after I graduated from college I
shortly after I graduated from college I found out that my uncle’s abuse had just
found out that my uncle’s abuse had just
found out that my uncle’s abuse had just continued the entire time my
continued the entire time my
continued the entire time my grandparents had systematically covered
grandparents had systematically covered
grandparents had systematically covered it up and my own parents and the
it up and my own parents and the
it up and my own parents and the leadership in the assembly had
leadership in the assembly had
leadership in the assembly had maintained a code of silence trusting
maintained a code of silence trusting
maintained a code of silence trusting the Lord when nothing of substance had
the Lord when nothing of substance had
the Lord when nothing of substance had changed Colts view professional help
changed Colts view professional help
changed Colts view professional help from anybody outside of their group as a
from anybody outside of their group as a
from anybody outside of their group as a threat to their way of life women were
threat to their way of life women were
threat to their way of life women were never to leave their husbands and we did
never to leave their husbands and we did
never to leave their husbands and we did not believe divorce was biblical so my
not believe divorce was biblical so my
not believe divorce was biblical so my aunt and cousins had no safe place to go
aunt and cousins had no safe place to go
aunt and cousins had no safe place to go in the assembly it was time for me to
in the assembly it was time for me to
in the assembly it was time for me to leave I could not be in a group that
leave I could not be in a group that
leave I could not be in a group that sacrificed women and children so that a
sacrificed women and children so that a
sacrificed women and children so that a few men could stay in charge
few men could stay in charge
few men could stay in charge staunch loyalty to any group is wrong if
staunch loyalty to any group is wrong if
staunch loyalty to any group is wrong if it means supporting an abusive
it means supporting an abusive
it means supporting an abusive narcissistic pathological liar thank you
narcissistic pathological liar thank you
narcissistic pathological liar thank you [Applause]
because that abuse and that pathology it
because that abuse and that pathology it doesn’t stay up with the leader it
doesn’t stay up with the leader it
doesn’t stay up with the leader it trickles down in the group and good
trickles down in the group and good
trickles down in the group and good people end up doing really bad things
people end up doing really bad things
people end up doing really bad things my sister and I left the assembly
my sister and I left the assembly
my sister and I left the assembly together we confronted our grandparents
together we confronted our grandparents
together we confronted our grandparents with what we had found out and George
with what we had found out and George
with what we had found out and George kicked us out of the house I have never
kicked us out of the house I have never
kicked us out of the house I have never seen my grandparents since the day I
seen my grandparents since the day I
seen my grandparents since the day I left the assembly and my relationship
left the assembly and my relationship
left the assembly and my relationship with my parents is complicated it takes
with my parents is complicated it takes
with my parents is complicated it takes a lot of work to unlearn behaviors after
a lot of work to unlearn behaviors after
a lot of work to unlearn behaviors after you leave something like that there was
you leave something like that there was
you leave something like that there was a lot of questioning the paradigm had
a lot of questioning the paradigm had
a lot of questioning the paradigm had been raised to believe and it was hard
been raised to believe and it was hard
been raised to believe and it was hard but I can tell you that even the hardest
but I can tell you that even the hardest
but I can tell you that even the hardest day of freedom was better than the best
day of freedom was better than the best
day of freedom was better than the best day in a cult
day in a cult
day in a cult so what does a young woman do once she’s
so what does a young woman do once she’s
so what does a young woman do once she’s left the cult she was raised in besides
left the cult she was raised in besides
left the cult she was raised in besides a lot of therapy I went crazy you guys
a lot of therapy I went crazy you guys
a lot of therapy I went crazy you guys crazy
crazy
crazy I watched every rated-r movie but it
I watched every rated-r movie but it
I watched every rated-r movie but it ever been produced since the dawn of
ever been produced since the dawn of
ever been produced since the dawn of time ok I I don’t regret a minute of it
time ok I I don’t regret a minute of it
time ok I I don’t regret a minute of it I cut my hair short painted my nails
I cut my hair short painted my nails
I cut my hair short painted my nails Satan red pierced my ears more
Satan red pierced my ears more
Satan red pierced my ears more importantly I admit it
importantly I admit it
importantly I admit it I want to have a career I’m gonna be one
I want to have a career I’m gonna be one
I want to have a career I’m gonna be one of those scary independent women I
of those scary independent women I
of those scary independent women I believe that I’m a FEMINIST because
believe that I’m a FEMINIST because
believe that I’m a FEMINIST because women are humans I started writing
women are humans I started writing
women are humans I started writing comedy because comedy for me is the
comedy because comedy for me is the
comedy because comedy for me is the absolute best way to take ownership of
absolute best way to take ownership of
absolute best way to take ownership of my past laughing is powerful a few years
my past laughing is powerful a few years
my past laughing is powerful a few years after I had left the assembly the
after I had left the assembly the
after I had left the assembly the romance of short hair and nail polish
romance of short hair and nail polish
romance of short hair and nail polish had kind of worn off I was walking down
had kind of worn off I was walking down
had kind of worn off I was walking down the street in LA
the street in LA
the street in LA when I saw her a young girl in a
when I saw her a young girl in a
when I saw her a young girl in a conservative dress she was standing on
conservative dress she was standing on
conservative dress she was standing on the street corner next to a man who was
the street corner next to a man who was
the street corner next to a man who was yelling the gospel at people as they
yelling the gospel at people as they
yelling the gospel at people as they walked by I walked up to her and I
walked by I walked up to her and I
walked by I walked up to her and I kneeled down in front of her and I
kneeled down in front of her and I
kneeled down in front of her and I looked her in the eye and I said one day
looked her in the eye and I said one day
looked her in the eye and I said one day you will grow up and you will realize
you will grow up and you will realize
you will grow up and you will realize you can leave all of this thank you
you can leave all of this thank you
you can leave all of this thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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