[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] instead of breaking the airglow inch
instead of breaking the airglow inch
instead of breaking the airglow inch from the back of a small car loaded two
from the back of a small car loaded two
from the back of a small car loaded two men in its front three at its back
men in its front three at its back
men in its front three at its back missed me praise my opened legs my skirt
missed me praise my opened legs my skirt
missed me praise my opened legs my skirt that sent the egg towards the floor to
that sent the egg towards the floor to
that sent the egg towards the floor to do its breaking their praise my head and
do its breaking their praise my head and
do its breaking their praise my head and its quickness a clean fold towards my
its quickness a clean fold towards my
its quickness a clean fold towards my lap to dodge the second egg faster than
lap to dodge the second egg faster than
lap to dodge the second egg faster than the first rising to see the damage spoke
the first rising to see the damage spoke
the first rising to see the damage spoke the words not today Lord not today the
the words not today Lord not today the
the words not today Lord not today the back of the bus stopped a new target not
back of the bus stopped a new target not
back of the bus stopped a new target not my face should have stood up and ran
my face should have stood up and ran
my face should have stood up and ran into the dark screamed cried asked why
into the dark screamed cried asked why
into the dark screamed cried asked why II instead laughed told no one made
II instead laughed told no one made
II instead laughed told no one made excuses said it was dark said it was
excuses said it was dark said it was
excuses said it was dark said it was only a game praised being left stainless
only a game praised being left stainless
only a game praised being left stainless mother would have noticed otherwise
mother would have noticed otherwise
mother would have noticed otherwise would have said that’s it
would have said that’s it
would have said that’s it close my door you’re never going out
close my door you’re never going out
close my door you’re never going out again I call that poem Halloween because
again I call that poem Halloween because
again I call that poem Halloween because it’s the time of year that this incident
it’s the time of year that this incident
it’s the time of year that this incident happened and also because I think it
happened and also because I think it
happened and also because I think it helps to blame Halloween and not my
helps to blame Halloween and not my
helps to blame Halloween and not my blackness or my head job or anything
blackness or my head job or anything
blackness or my head job or anything about me specifically and I wrote this
about me specifically and I wrote this
about me specifically and I wrote this poem quite recently but it actually
poem quite recently but it actually
poem quite recently but it actually happened a year ago so I do what’s
happened a year ago so I do what’s
happened a year ago so I do what’s convenient mostly which is to forget
convenient mostly which is to forget
convenient mostly which is to forget things or places or people or things
things or places or people or things
things or places or people or things that have hurt me and there are whole
that have hurt me and there are whole
that have hurt me and there are whole countries and territories that have
countries and territories that have
countries and territories that have shaped to me directly or indirectly that
shaped to me directly or indirectly that
shaped to me directly or indirectly that I’ve also conveniently forgotten about
I’ve also conveniently forgotten about
I’ve also conveniently forgotten about and not that long ago I was featured in
and not that long ago I was featured in
and not that long ago I was featured in a Guardian article and I promised myself
a Guardian article and I promised myself
a Guardian article and I promised myself that I wouldn’t read those comments and
that I wouldn’t read those comments and
that I wouldn’t read those comments and one of the first things that I did read
one of the first things that I did read
one of the first things that I did read was shamed someone that was born in
was shamed someone that was born in
was shamed someone that was born in Denmark calls themself Somali and after
Denmark calls themself Somali and after
Denmark calls themself Somali and after the initial defensiveness there you
the initial defensiveness there you
the initial defensiveness there you don’t know me or my story and how dare
don’t know me or my story and how dare
don’t know me or my story and how dare you
you
you question.what I choose to call myself I
question.what I choose to call myself I
question.what I choose to call myself I found myself asking how did you forget
found myself asking how did you forget
found myself asking how did you forget the first eight years of living there
the first eight years of living there
the first eight years of living there and I remember taking someone’s portrait
and I remember taking someone’s portrait
and I remember taking someone’s portrait and we’re walking and talking and
and we’re walking and talking and
and we’re walking and talking and somehow places of our birth came up and
somehow places of our birth came up and
somehow places of our birth came up and when I said where I was born there was
when I said where I was born there was
when I said where I was born there was the surprise and shock like I had been
the surprise and shock like I had been
the surprise and shock like I had been hiding it and that it mattered and then
hiding it and that it mattered and then
hiding it and that it mattered and then came the question we’ll have you written
came the question we’ll have you written
came the question we’ll have you written about it and I hadn’t and I recognized
about it and I hadn’t and I recognized
about it and I hadn’t and I recognized now an anger are not belonging in only
now an anger are not belonging in only
now an anger are not belonging in only one place at calling myself only Somali
one place at calling myself only Somali
one place at calling myself only Somali when I had never been to the country
when I had never been to the country
when I had never been to the country when I felt like I was losing the
when I felt like I was losing the
when I felt like I was losing the language and also when the elder members
language and also when the elder members
language and also when the elder members of my family just didn’t recognize me so
of my family just didn’t recognize me so
of my family just didn’t recognize me so I suspect it is why I do what I do I’m a
I suspect it is why I do what I do I’m a
I suspect it is why I do what I do I’m a documenter or you can call it snooping
documenter or you can call it snooping
documenter or you can call it snooping on my parents and they’re really loud
on my parents and they’re really loud
on my parents and they’re really loud conversations back home and trying to
conversations back home and trying to
conversations back home and trying to find some VC within that or you can call
find some VC within that or you can call
find some VC within that or you can call it digging being nosy getting to the
it digging being nosy getting to the
it digging being nosy getting to the bottom of things or trying to I’m a poet
bottom of things or trying to I’m a poet
bottom of things or trying to I’m a poet which is a hard label and I’m not you
which is a hard label and I’m not you
which is a hard label and I’m not you know actively writing which is a story
know actively writing which is a story
know actively writing which is a story these days unfortunately and I’m also a
these days unfortunately and I’m also a
these days unfortunately and I’m also a photographer which is also a hard label
photographer which is also a hard label
photographer which is also a hard label when I’m not holding a camera in
when I’m not holding a camera in
when I’m not holding a camera in someone’s face or I’m not working on a
someone’s face or I’m not working on a
someone’s face or I’m not working on a photography series but it just is
photography series but it just is
photography series but it just is simpler for me to call myself a
simpler for me to call myself a
simpler for me to call myself a storyteller and it’s simple because for
storyteller and it’s simple because for
storyteller and it’s simple because for me it just means I have more than one
me it just means I have more than one
me it just means I have more than one medium and that if one full short of
medium and that if one full short of
medium and that if one full short of what I need from it then I have another
what I need from it then I have another
what I need from it then I have another at my disposal that might do the job
at my disposal that might do the job
at my disposal that might do the job better writing is what I did when we
better writing is what I did when we
better writing is what I did when we first moved to London from Denmark 14
first moved to London from Denmark 14
first moved to London from Denmark 14 years ago now and I made things up I
years ago now and I made things up I
years ago now and I made things up I borrowed other people’s stories I wrote
borrowed other people’s stories I wrote
borrowed other people’s stories I wrote myself into them and they were about me
myself into them and they were about me
myself into them and they were about me too but I protected myself in that way I
too but I protected myself in that way I
too but I protected myself in that way I created a distance so if anybody asked
created a distance so if anybody asked
created a distance so if anybody asked that character or that voice couldn’t
that character or that voice couldn’t
that character or that voice couldn’t have been me because I was only a little
have been me because I was only a little
have been me because I was only a little Somali girl from West London who even
Somali girl from West London who even
Somali girl from West London who even really knew I existed and it couldn’t
really knew I existed and it couldn’t
really knew I existed and it couldn’t have been me because I was writing about
have been me because I was writing about
have been me because I was writing about things that I was supposedly too young
things that I was supposedly too young
things that I was supposedly too young to understand I’m the eldest daughter of
to understand I’m the eldest daughter of
to understand I’m the eldest daughter of Somali parents and most of my family
Somali parents and most of my family
Somali parents and most of my family lives
lives
lives kenia particularly Nairobi also Mombasa
kenia particularly Nairobi also Mombasa
kenia particularly Nairobi also Mombasa and Mandara and going to Kenya for the
and Mandara and going to Kenya for the
and Mandara and going to Kenya for the first time was so bizarre because I was
first time was so bizarre because I was
first time was so bizarre because I was meeting all these family members for the
meeting all these family members for the
meeting all these family members for the first time and some I knew by face kind
first time and some I knew by face kind
first time and some I knew by face kind of because their pictures had been sent
of because their pictures had been sent
of because their pictures had been sent over and some of you might know the type
over and some of you might know the type
over and some of you might know the type of picture I’m talking about Don’s with
of picture I’m talking about Don’s with
of picture I’m talking about Don’s with a scenic backdrop and the artificial
a scenic backdrop and the artificial
a scenic backdrop and the artificial flowers oh yeah with the artificial
flowers oh yeah with the artificial
flowers oh yeah with the artificial flowers we got a lot of like waterfalls
flowers we got a lot of like waterfalls
flowers we got a lot of like waterfalls and so I also knew by voice because they
and so I also knew by voice because they
and so I also knew by voice because they had called really early in the morning
had called really early in the morning
had called really early in the morning looking for my parents but I’ve never
looking for my parents but I’ve never
looking for my parents but I’ve never been able to pin myself to any place at
been able to pin myself to any place at
been able to pin myself to any place at all and when I say that phrase pin
all and when I say that phrase pin
all and when I say that phrase pin myself I kinda always just imagine
myself I kinda always just imagine
myself I kinda always just imagine someone like holding me against him up
someone like holding me against him up
someone like holding me against him up and shout and tell me way from now and
and shout and tell me way from now and
and shout and tell me way from now and to simplify all about and to make it
to simplify all about and to make it
to simplify all about and to make it just much much easier I say I’m just
just much much easier I say I’m just
just much much easier I say I’m just Somali but how do I explain the feeling
Somali but how do I explain the feeling
Somali but how do I explain the feeling of guilt when I left Kenya and I left
of guilt when I left Kenya and I left
of guilt when I left Kenya and I left all these family members behind knowing
all these family members behind knowing
all these family members behind knowing I probably wouldn’t be back in a long
I probably wouldn’t be back in a long
I probably wouldn’t be back in a long long time or maybe even not at all and
long time or maybe even not at all and
long time or maybe even not at all and how do I explain the feeling of shame
how do I explain the feeling of shame
how do I explain the feeling of shame that time we were stopped by officials
that time we were stopped by officials
that time we were stopped by officials in Copenhagen Airport they assumed our
in Copenhagen Airport they assumed our
in Copenhagen Airport they assumed our passports were fake
passports were fake
passports were fake I had forgotten Danish I’d forgotten
I had forgotten Danish I’d forgotten
I had forgotten Danish I’d forgotten Danish and I was deeply deeply emotional
Danish and I was deeply deeply emotional
Danish and I was deeply deeply emotional and I didn’t understand why did it tell
and I didn’t understand why did it tell
and I didn’t understand why did it tell me something about myself was I
me something about myself was I
me something about myself was I convinced that I was Danish before the
convinced that I was Danish before the
convinced that I was Danish before the incident and was I something else after
incident and was I something else after
incident and was I something else after it and before then we were standing in
it and before then we were standing in
it and before then we were standing in line at the grocery store and I must
line at the grocery store and I must
line at the grocery store and I must have just glanced over at the newspaper
have just glanced over at the newspaper
have just glanced over at the newspaper stand and the one in the middle had
stand and the one in the middle had
stand and the one in the middle had Somali in the title and so I asked my
Somali in the title and so I asked my
Somali in the title and so I asked my cousin to translate and I don’t remember
cousin to translate and I don’t remember
cousin to translate and I don’t remember exactly what it said now but it must
exactly what it said now but it must
exactly what it said now but it must have been something about us flooding
have been something about us flooding
have been something about us flooding the country or looking desperate or
the country or looking desperate or
the country or looking desperate or being criminals and I think he
being criminals and I think he
being criminals and I think he underlined something really specific for
underlined something really specific for
underlined something really specific for me which is that I my family people that
me which is that I my family people that
me which is that I my family people that looked like me were unwanted and didn’t
looked like me were unwanted and didn’t
looked like me were unwanted and didn’t belong and I think that’s why I haven’t
belong and I think that’s why I haven’t
belong and I think that’s why I haven’t written about Denmark my small act of
written about Denmark my small act of
written about Denmark my small act of defiance to reject what is rejecting me
defiance to reject what is rejecting me
defiance to reject what is rejecting me and poetry for me means
and poetry for me means
and poetry for me means completely honest about my
completely honest about my
completely honest about my vulnerabilities my weaknesses everything
vulnerabilities my weaknesses everything
vulnerabilities my weaknesses everything that I don’t want people to see and when
that I don’t want people to see and when
that I don’t want people to see and when I was in Kenya for the six weeks and I
I was in Kenya for the six weeks and I
I was in Kenya for the six weeks and I couldn’t write anything I had to find a
couldn’t write anything I had to find a
couldn’t write anything I had to find a way to preserve the memories and also to
way to preserve the memories and also to
way to preserve the memories and also to preserve these people who were strangers
preserve these people who were strangers
preserve these people who were strangers but weren’t really strangers but well my
but weren’t really strangers but well my
but weren’t really strangers but well my family and I had to find a way to
family and I had to find a way to
family and I had to find a way to remember them and also to bring
remember them and also to bring
remember them and also to bring something back to remember them by and
something back to remember them by and
something back to remember them by and there were so many problems with that
there were so many problems with that
there were so many problems with that idea because every one I encountered
idea because every one I encountered
idea because every one I encountered just distrusted the camera perhaps
just distrusted the camera perhaps
just distrusted the camera perhaps because they had only just met me and
because they had only just met me and
because they had only just met me and didn’t trust me to capture them perhaps
didn’t trust me to capture them perhaps
didn’t trust me to capture them perhaps because they know how wide and fast
because they know how wide and fast
because they know how wide and fast photographs travel perhaps because to
photographs travel perhaps because to
photographs travel perhaps because to the people in a different continent it
the people in a different continent it
the people in a different continent it would be the only representation of them
would be the only representation of them
would be the only representation of them they’d have and would they be able to
they’d have and would they be able to
they’d have and would they be able to dispute the photograph like could they
dispute the photograph like could they
dispute the photograph like could they call and say actually that’s not me
call and say actually that’s not me
call and say actually that’s not me she’s lying and I remember meeting my
she’s lying and I remember meeting my
she’s lying and I remember meeting my aunt for the first time my aunt who
aunt for the first time my aunt who
aunt for the first time my aunt who raised my mom and I remember my fear
raised my mom and I remember my fear
raised my mom and I remember my fear just being that we wouldn’t be able to
just being that we wouldn’t be able to
just being that we wouldn’t be able to establish a closeness and a warmth
establish a closeness and a warmth
establish a closeness and a warmth between us because of my really weak
between us because of my really weak
between us because of my really weak Somali and I just knew I had to try my
Somali and I just knew I had to try my
Somali and I just knew I had to try my hardest to take pictures of everything
hardest to take pictures of everything
hardest to take pictures of everything that I could and I don’t know when it
that I could and I don’t know when it
that I could and I don’t know when it happened or how it happened but I lost a
happened or how it happened but I lost a
happened or how it happened but I lost a majority of the pictures I took while in
majority of the pictures I took while in
majority of the pictures I took while in Kenya and some family portraits were
Kenya and some family portraits were
Kenya and some family portraits were left thank God but mostly I was left
left thank God but mostly I was left
left thank God but mostly I was left with pictures of the sea and no matter
with pictures of the sea and no matter
with pictures of the sea and no matter how beautiful the ocean and the beaches
how beautiful the ocean and the beaches
how beautiful the ocean and the beaches were or are I mourned the loss of those
were or are I mourned the loss of those
were or are I mourned the loss of those pictures for a really really long time
pictures for a really really long time
pictures for a really really long time and before that it was just flat out
and before that it was just flat out
and before that it was just flat out deny or like I couldn’t have lost those
deny or like I couldn’t have lost those
deny or like I couldn’t have lost those pictures like they have to be somewhere
pictures like they have to be somewhere
pictures like they have to be somewhere and then later on it was maybe I
and then later on it was maybe I
and then later on it was maybe I imagined taking them maybe like they
imagined taking them maybe like they
imagined taking them maybe like they just you know I just didn’t take them
just you know I just didn’t take them
just you know I just didn’t take them and the one I constantly think about
and the one I constantly think about
and the one I constantly think about because it was one of the lost ones and
because it was one of the lost ones and
because it was one of the lost ones and because I don’t want to lose its
because I don’t want to lose its
because I don’t want to lose its composition in my head is one where my
composition in my head is one where my
composition in my head is one where my mom is lay
mom is lay
mom is lay in her old bed and it’s the bed that she
in her old bed and it’s the bed that she
in her old bed and it’s the bed that she slept in as a young girl and the one
slept in as a young girl and the one
slept in as a young girl and the one that she left behind when she married my
that she left behind when she married my
that she left behind when she married my father and they moved to Denmark and I
father and they moved to Denmark and I
father and they moved to Denmark and I don’t know if there was something wrong
don’t know if there was something wrong
don’t know if there was something wrong with my camera or I just wanted to
with my camera or I just wanted to
with my camera or I just wanted to extend the moment because I felt at
extend the moment because I felt at
extend the moment because I felt at peace but I stood there until I heard
peace but I stood there until I heard
peace but I stood there until I heard her say are you done did you get your
her say are you done did you get your
her say are you done did you get your picture and taking sitting next to my
picture and taking sitting next to my
picture and taking sitting next to my aunt and taking photographs of her I
aunt and taking photographs of her I
aunt and taking photographs of her I started to think about photographs as a
started to think about photographs as a
started to think about photographs as a language all on their own and I thought
language all on their own and I thought
language all on their own and I thought I should let these photos and live as
I should let these photos and live as
I should let these photos and live as they want without imposing my words or
they want without imposing my words or
they want without imposing my words or my will and so there’s a picture of my
my will and so there’s a picture of my
my will and so there’s a picture of my aunt where she’s like sitting and she’s
aunt where she’s like sitting and she’s
aunt where she’s like sitting and she’s sipping her tea I’m just sitting next to
sipping her tea I’m just sitting next to
sipping her tea I’m just sitting next to her and so when I took that picture I
her and so when I took that picture I
her and so when I took that picture I thought we’re just going to take this
thought we’re just going to take this
thought we’re just going to take this photo for what it is and this cup that
photo for what it is and this cup that
photo for what it is and this cup that she’s holding in her hand isn’t going to
she’s holding in her hand isn’t going to
she’s holding in her hand isn’t going to be a metaphor for something else nor is
be a metaphor for something else nor is
be a metaphor for something else nor is her sipping this to you nor is her look
her sipping this to you nor is her look
her sipping this to you nor is her look into the distance and when I was looking
into the distance and when I was looking
into the distance and when I was looking at that photo yeah that one when I was
at that photo yeah that one when I was
at that photo yeah that one when I was looking at that photo I also just
looking at that photo I also just
looking at that photo I also just thought what happens when I completely
thought what happens when I completely
thought what happens when I completely do lose the language that we need to
do lose the language that we need to
do lose the language that we need to understand each other will like what
understand each other will like what
understand each other will like what connects us and makes us relate beyond
connects us and makes us relate beyond
connects us and makes us relate beyond blood they’re now looking at this
blood they’re now looking at this
blood they’re now looking at this picture I’m also thinking of all that’s
picture I’m also thinking of all that’s
picture I’m also thinking of all that’s left unspoken so the very first few
left unspoken so the very first few
left unspoken so the very first few months in London and the English classes
months in London and the English classes
months in London and the English classes away from the other children and the
away from the other children and the
away from the other children and the loneliness and the accident that
loneliness and the accident that
loneliness and the accident that occurred on the playground that led me
occurred on the playground that led me
occurred on the playground that led me to sit in front of the school nurse and
to sit in front of the school nurse and
to sit in front of the school nurse and she asked if I spoke English and I
she asked if I spoke English and I
she asked if I spoke English and I remember understanding enough to nod no
remember understanding enough to nod no
remember understanding enough to nod no and it’s always her huffing and her
and it’s always her huffing and her
and it’s always her huffing and her puffing I remember and her disregard for
puffing I remember and her disregard for
puffing I remember and her disregard for the fear that I felt and her laughed
the fear that I felt and her laughed
the fear that I felt and her laughed another colleague while I sat in the
another colleague while I sat in the
another colleague while I sat in the chair holding a tissue to a bloody nose
chair holding a tissue to a bloody nose
chair holding a tissue to a bloody nose and then fast forward to me sitting in a
and then fast forward to me sitting in a
and then fast forward to me sitting in a citizenship class and I’m being asked so
citizenship class and I’m being asked so
citizenship class and I’m being asked so do you feel British and I say nope
do you feel British and I say nope
do you feel British and I say nope absolutely not my teacher my teacher was
absolutely not my teacher my teacher was
absolutely not my teacher my teacher was so taken aback by my outburst she was
so taken aback by my outburst she was
so taken aback by my outburst she was like wait a minute but your accent you
like wait a minute but your accent you
like wait a minute but your accent you speak so well firstly slide I had that
speak so well firstly slide I had that
speak so well firstly slide I had that comment but my fear is the revoking of
comment but my fear is the revoking of
comment but my fear is the revoking of the passport because the Danish passport
the passport because the Danish passport
the passport because the Danish passport didn’t save me
didn’t save me
didn’t save me interrogation at a Danish Airport and
interrogation at a Danish Airport and
interrogation at a Danish Airport and because the only thing British or
because the only thing British or
because the only thing British or English or you know London about me to
English or you know London about me to
English or you know London about me to me anyway is my accent and for a really
me anyway is my accent and for a really
me anyway is my accent and for a really long time I was obsessed with these
long time I was obsessed with these
long time I was obsessed with these videos where people would wake up and
videos where people would wake up and
videos where people would wake up and they’d completely lose the accent and
they’d completely lose the accent and
they’d completely lose the accent and their dialect and their language and I
their dialect and their language and I
their dialect and their language and I kind of just sat around and expected
kind of just sat around and expected
kind of just sat around and expected that to happen to me too every memory is
that to happen to me too every memory is
that to happen to me too every memory is attached to another memory so I’m
attached to another memory so I’m
attached to another memory so I’m thinking of meeting my grandfather for
thinking of meeting my grandfather for
thinking of meeting my grandfather for the first time while in Kenya my last
the first time while in Kenya my last
the first time while in Kenya my last surviving grandparent and remember
surviving grandparent and remember
surviving grandparent and remember walking into his room and there was a
walking into his room and there was a
walking into his room and there was a radio right by his bedside and it was
radio right by his bedside and it was
radio right by his bedside and it was playing a Somali poem and we call it
playing a Somali poem and we call it
playing a Somali poem and we call it Gabi and my dad pointed at it and he
Gabi and my dad pointed at it and he
Gabi and my dad pointed at it and he said look like it runs in the family but
said look like it runs in the family but
said look like it runs in the family but there was a language barrier I didn’t
there was a language barrier I didn’t
there was a language barrier I didn’t understand my grandfather and he didn’t
understand my grandfather and he didn’t
understand my grandfather and he didn’t understand me so my father agreed to
understand me so my father agreed to
understand me so my father agreed to translate my two questions number one
translate my two questions number one
translate my two questions number one how old do you think you are and number
how old do you think you are and number
how old do you think you are and number two where are all the photos and the
two where are all the photos and the
two where are all the photos and the photo albums and after a brief exchange
photo albums and after a brief exchange
photo albums and after a brief exchange my dad says to me around 80 and they’re
my dad says to me around 80 and they’re
my dad says to me around 80 and they’re all gone and I remember being really
all gone and I remember being really
all gone and I remember being really teary-eyed because I wanted to find some
teary-eyed because I wanted to find some
teary-eyed because I wanted to find some way to go back and to bring those photo
way to go back and to bring those photo
way to go back and to bring those photo albums here and it’s so naive but the
albums here and it’s so naive but the
albums here and it’s so naive but the hope was that maybe then there wouldn’t
hope was that maybe then there wouldn’t
hope was that maybe then there wouldn’t be a need to talk
be a need to talk
be a need to talk maybe the photos themselves would be
maybe the photos themselves would be
maybe the photos themselves would be enough of an explanation about where
enough of an explanation about where
enough of an explanation about where he’d been and who he had been and how
he’d been and who he had been and how
he’d been and who he had been and how much he’d been changed and also I just
much he’d been changed and also I just
much he’d been changed and also I just left his room really sad every time
left his room really sad every time
left his room really sad every time having gotten so close to him but only
having gotten so close to him but only
having gotten so close to him but only being able to say Salaam peace be upon
being able to say Salaam peace be upon
being able to say Salaam peace be upon you I felt changed when I returned from
you I felt changed when I returned from
you I felt changed when I returned from Kenya I was heavier I had more stories
Kenya I was heavier I had more stories
Kenya I was heavier I had more stories than I knew what to do with and I didn’t
than I knew what to do with and I didn’t
than I knew what to do with and I didn’t have enough words or not the right ones
have enough words or not the right ones
have enough words or not the right ones I had a better understanding I witnessed
I had a better understanding I witnessed
I had a better understanding I witnessed the dysfunction the silences up close
the dysfunction the silences up close
the dysfunction the silences up close also the familiarity and my mum’s oldest
also the familiarity and my mum’s oldest
also the familiarity and my mum’s oldest brother sitting right next to her and
brother sitting right next to her and
brother sitting right next to her and saying her name again and again and
saying her name again and again and
saying her name again and again and again and
again and
again and I thought I’d never see you in this life
I thought I’d never see you in this life
I thought I’d never see you in this life again and said my aunt sitting next to
again and said my aunt sitting next to
again and said my aunt sitting next to me and saying listen now that you made
me and saying listen now that you made
me and saying listen now that you made it here don’t become a stranger again
it here don’t become a stranger again
it here don’t become a stranger again and because London is sometimes lonely
and because London is sometimes lonely
and because London is sometimes lonely and because hardly anyone ever comes to
and because hardly anyone ever comes to
and because hardly anyone ever comes to visit I just witnessed another way to
visit I just witnessed another way to
visit I just witnessed another way to live and I think sometimes we go through
live and I think sometimes we go through
live and I think sometimes we go through this world just in battle with the way
this world just in battle with the way
this world just in battle with the way people view us and also the way that we
people view us and also the way that we
people view us and also the way that we view ourselves in relation to that and
view ourselves in relation to that and
view ourselves in relation to that and along the way my you know nearly 22
along the way my you know nearly 22
along the way my you know nearly 22 years of existence I’ve discovered ways
years of existence I’ve discovered ways
years of existence I’ve discovered ways of healing myself that didn’t require me
of healing myself that didn’t require me
of healing myself that didn’t require me to have a lot of money so I had a pen
to have a lot of money so I had a pen
to have a lot of money so I had a pen and I had a notebook and I also
and I had a notebook and I also
and I had a notebook and I also converted the family camera into my own
converted the family camera into my own
converted the family camera into my own and before there was ever a camera I
and before there was ever a camera I
and before there was ever a camera I used my phone and now for me I find it
used my phone and now for me I find it
used my phone and now for me I find it useful to find ways to belong in places
useful to find ways to belong in places
useful to find ways to belong in places that make it hard to do so and just to
that make it hard to do so and just to
that make it hard to do so and just to note how I’ve been shaped or changed by
note how I’ve been shaped or changed by
note how I’ve been shaped or changed by these experiences in these places and I
these experiences in these places and I
these experiences in these places and I also recognize that it’s very possible
also recognize that it’s very possible
also recognize that it’s very possible to find home and community in places
to find home and community in places
to find home and community in places despite feeling very unsafe at the same
despite feeling very unsafe at the same
despite feeling very unsafe at the same time and I also recognize now how
time and I also recognize now how
time and I also recognize now how documenting has kept me upright and sane
documenting has kept me upright and sane
documenting has kept me upright and sane and I think the poems that I struggled
and I think the poems that I struggled
and I think the poems that I struggled to write and the ones that I still carry
to write and the ones that I still carry
to write and the ones that I still carry within me that haven’t made it onto a
within me that haven’t made it onto a
within me that haven’t made it onto a page yet I think they show me where I’ve
page yet I think they show me where I’ve
page yet I think they show me where I’ve been and how I’m still surviving and I
been and how I’m still surviving and I
been and how I’m still surviving and I hope that the photographs will do that
hope that the photographs will do that
hope that the photographs will do that too thank you
too thank you
too thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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