Who Do I Have To Become? | Nate Bailey | TEDxHoracePark

let’s start at the top alright so in

let’s start at the top alright so in March of 2016 I signed up for an event

March of 2016 I signed up for an event

March of 2016 I signed up for an event called sealfit Kokoro class 45 which

called sealfit Kokoro class 45 which

called sealfit Kokoro class 45 which would take place in six short months we

would take place in six short months we

would take place in six short months we were the 45th class to ever go through

were the 45th class to ever go through

were the 45th class to ever go through this event for those of you that have no

this event for those of you that have no

this event for those of you that have no idea what Kokoro is quite simply it’s

idea what Kokoro is quite simply it’s

idea what Kokoro is quite simply it’s the world’s premier training camp for

the world’s premier training camp for

the world’s premier training camp for developing mental toughness forged after

developing mental toughness forged after

developing mental toughness forged after the US Navy SEAL Hal week it is a 50

the US Navy SEAL Hal week it is a 50

the US Navy SEAL Hal week it is a 50 plus our event with no sleep led by

plus our event with no sleep led by

plus our event with no sleep led by current and retired Navy SEALs it was an

current and retired Navy SEALs it was an

current and retired Navy SEALs it was an event that would challenge me physically

event that would challenge me physically

event that would challenge me physically mentally and emotionally more than I had

mentally and emotionally more than I had

mentally and emotionally more than I had ever experienced the word Kokoro itself

ever experienced the word Kokoro itself

ever experienced the word Kokoro itself means the merging of heart and mind in

means the merging of heart and mind in

means the merging of heart and mind in action and I’m going to take you through

action and I’m going to take you through

action and I’m going to take you through the battle in the process that I went

the battle in the process that I went

the battle in the process that I went through and taking on an event like this

through and taking on an event like this

through and taking on an event like this it was the battle inside of my head that

it was the battle inside of my head that

it was the battle inside of my head that was a result of two questions the first

was a result of two questions the first

was a result of two questions the first question was who do I think I am at the

question was who do I think I am at the

question was who do I think I am at the age of 40 to take on a events like this

age of 40 to take on a events like this

age of 40 to take on a events like this the inner dialogue that we all go

the inner dialogue that we all go

the inner dialogue that we all go through that either tries to protect us

through that either tries to protect us

through that either tries to protect us when we start to think about things that

when we start to think about things that

when we start to think about things that we truly don’t believe that we can do or

the paralyzes us with fear when we start

the paralyzes us with fear when we start to think about all the things that we

to think about all the things that we

to think about all the things that we actually have to do to accomplish it the

actually have to do to accomplish it the

actually have to do to accomplish it the other question was who do I have to be

other question was who do I have to be

other question was who do I have to be calm to not only show up for this event

calm to not only show up for this event

calm to not only show up for this event but to actually complete it or as Navy

but to actually complete it or as Navy

but to actually complete it or as Navy SEAL say to secure kokoro 45 so was this

SEAL say to secure kokoro 45 so was this

SEAL say to secure kokoro 45 so was this question and the five-step process

question and the five-step process

question and the five-step process inside of that question that ultimately

inside of that question that ultimately

inside of that question that ultimately allowed me to be successful and secure

allowed me to be successful and secure

allowed me to be successful and secure kokoro 45 so the first step was that

kokoro 45 so the first step was that

kokoro 45 so the first step was that either get crystal clear on who I needed

either get crystal clear on who I needed

either get crystal clear on who I needed to become as well with brutally honest

to become as well with brutally honest

to become as well with brutally honest with myself I might reality see the

with myself I might reality see the

with myself I might reality see the minimum required standards set by

minimum required standards set by

minimum required standards set by sealfit kokoro is that I had to do 50

sealfit kokoro is that I had to do 50

sealfit kokoro is that I had to do 50 pushups 50 sit-ups 50 air squats and 10

pushups 50 sit-ups 50 air squats and 10

pushups 50 sit-ups 50 air squats and 10 strict pull-ups all with two minutes

strict pull-ups all with two minutes

strict pull-ups all with two minutes within each of those movements and then

within each of those movements and then

within each of those movements and then I had to run one mile in under nine and

I had to run one mile in under nine and

I had to run one mile in under nine and a half minutes after all of those

a half minutes after all of those

a half minutes after all of those movements and then we were also required

movements and then we were also required

movements and then we were also required to complete a CrossFit called the murph

to complete a CrossFit called the murph

to complete a CrossFit called the murph and under 70 minutes the murph was named

and under 70 minutes the murph was named

and under 70 minutes the murph was named after a u.s. Navy SEAL lieutenant Murphy

after a u.s. Navy SEAL lieutenant Murphy

after a u.s. Navy SEAL lieutenant Murphy who died in action serving for our

who died in action serving for our

who died in action serving for our country so at Kokoro 45 this included a

country so at Kokoro 45 this included a

country so at Kokoro 45 this included a hundred strict pull-ups 200 push-ups 300

hundred strict pull-ups 200 push-ups 300

hundred strict pull-ups 200 push-ups 300 air squats and then a mile run before

air squats and then a mile run before

air squats and then a mile run before and after all of those movements and if

and after all of those movements and if

and after all of those movements and if I failed to meet the standards set by

I failed to meet the standards set by

I failed to meet the standards set by sealfit Kokoro in the first 12 hours of

sealfit Kokoro in the first 12 hours of

sealfit Kokoro in the first 12 hours of the event I’d be sent home no questions

the event I’d be sent home no questions

the event I’d be sent home no questions asked no opportunity to continue

see in my mind that was still the young

see in my mind that was still the young fit 20 year old college football player

my reality was I was I was fat and out

my reality was I was I was fat and out of shape so after getting very clear in

of shape so after getting very clear in

of shape so after getting very clear in honest with my current reality I was

honest with my current reality I was

honest with my current reality I was then ready to create a plan which is

then ready to create a plan which is

then ready to create a plan which is step number two I did develop a roadmap

step number two I did develop a roadmap

step number two I did develop a roadmap I knew that in order for me to exceed

I knew that in order for me to exceed

I knew that in order for me to exceed the standards set by seal faker Carl

the standards set by seal faker Carl

the standards set by seal faker Carl within the first 12 hours and to earn

within the first 12 hours and to earn

within the first 12 hours and to earn the opportunity to continue to see if I

the opportunity to continue to see if I

the opportunity to continue to see if I would have what it would take to

would have what it would take to

would have what it would take to complete this 50 plus our event or need

complete this 50 plus our event or need

complete this 50 plus our event or need to lose 45 pounds I would need to be

to lose 45 pounds I would need to be

to lose 45 pounds I would need to be able to run a half a marathon in my

able to run a half a marathon in my

able to run a half a marathon in my training I knew that add a minimum i

training I knew that add a minimum i

training I knew that add a minimum i would have to be able to do 60 pushups

would have to be able to do 60 pushups

would have to be able to do 60 pushups 60 situps 60 air squats and run one mile

60 situps 60 air squats and run one mile

60 situps 60 air squats and run one mile in seven minutes I knew as far as the

in seven minutes I knew as far as the

in seven minutes I knew as far as the murph workout goes I would have to be

murph workout goes I would have to be

murph workout goes I would have to be able to complete that in 60 minutes or

able to complete that in 60 minutes or

able to complete that in 60 minutes or less and I knew that I was going to have

less and I knew that I was going to have

less and I knew that I was going to have to be able to do all this in a fatigue

to be able to do all this in a fatigue

to be able to do all this in a fatigue state not fresh because that was exactly

state not fresh because that was exactly

state not fresh because that was exactly how they were going to require me to

how they were going to require me to

how they were going to require me to perform these at the event

so after this very clear and silvering

so after this very clear and silvering image of myself my current reality and

image of myself my current reality and

image of myself my current reality and creating this detailed plan roadmap of

creating this detailed plan roadmap of

creating this detailed plan roadmap of who I needed to become I then had to

who I needed to become I then had to

who I needed to become I then had to create a holy cause

because I knew that there’s going to be

because I knew that there’s going to be times when I wouldn’t want to Train I

times when I wouldn’t want to Train I

times when I wouldn’t want to Train I knew their therapy moments when I would

knew their therapy moments when I would

knew their therapy moments when I would wanna straight for my nutrition plan I

wanna straight for my nutrition plan I

wanna straight for my nutrition plan I knew that there would be moments inside

knew that there would be moments inside

knew that there would be moments inside of this event when we would be in the

of this event when we would be in the

of this event when we would be in the freezing cold ocean in the middle of the

freezing cold ocean in the middle of the

freezing cold ocean in the middle of the night water crashing down on us that

night water crashing down on us that

night water crashing down on us that tired and I’d want to quit so to combat

tired and I’d want to quit so to combat

tired and I’d want to quit so to combat those thoughts and feelings I needed a

those thoughts and feelings I needed a

those thoughts and feelings I needed a reason big enough and so deep-rooted

reason big enough and so deep-rooted

reason big enough and so deep-rooted [Music]

[Music]

[Music] that I would act and do the necessary

that I would act and do the necessary

that I would act and do the necessary work in spite of those thoughts feelings

work in spite of those thoughts feelings

work in spite of those thoughts feelings and emotions what I call my holy cause

and emotions what I call my holy cause

and emotions what I call my holy cause to keep me moving forward towards who I

to keep me moving forward towards who I

to keep me moving forward towards who I needed to become you see for me

my holy cause that if I didn’t leave my

my holy cause that if I didn’t leave my family letting somebody else would that

family letting somebody else would that

family letting somebody else would that I needed to show my kids how to set big

I needed to show my kids how to set big

I needed to show my kids how to set big goals in life and push through that

goals in life and push through that

goals in life and push through that self-defeating talk of who do I think I

self-defeating talk of who do I think I

self-defeating talk of who do I think I am that they need to tune into the

am that they need to tune into the

am that they need to tune into the process and the question of who do I

process and the question of who do I

process and the question of who do I have to become

yes if I don’t leave my family in this

yes if I don’t leave my family in this way I know that somebody else is going

way I know that somebody else is going

way I know that somebody else is going to and that’s someone else in that life

to and that’s someone else in that life

to and that’s someone else in that life I’m not going to approve of and so by

I’m not going to approve of and so by

I’m not going to approve of and so by having this holy cause set and firmly in

having this holy cause set and firmly in

having this holy cause set and firmly in place I then needed to take ruthless

place I then needed to take ruthless

place I then needed to take ruthless committed action which is the four-step

committed action which is the four-step

committed action which is the four-step commitment not level one commitment but

commitment not level one commitment but

commitment not level one commitment but level 10 commitment level one commitment

level 10 commitment level one commitment

level 10 commitment level one commitment would mean allowing myself to take the

would mean allowing myself to take the

would mean allowing myself to take the day off because I didn’t feel like

day off because I didn’t feel like

day off because I didn’t feel like training it would mean allowing myself

training it would mean allowing myself

training it would mean allowing myself to have that one piece of pizza because

to have that one piece of pizza because

to have that one piece of pizza because I thought that I deserved it would mean

I thought that I deserved it would mean

I thought that I deserved it would mean getting through to the 36-hour of a

getting through to the 36-hour of a

getting through to the 36-hour of a 50-plus our event and telling myself

50-plus our event and telling myself

50-plus our event and telling myself that it’s okay to quit

level 10 commitment and that I would do

level 10 commitment and that I would do the necessary required actions in spite

the necessary required actions in spite

the necessary required actions in spite of these thoughts and feelings that I

of these thoughts and feelings that I

of these thoughts and feelings that I would get through 236 of this 50 plus

would get through 236 of this 50 plus

would get through 236 of this 50 plus our event and I would drive on and

our event and I would drive on and

our event and I would drive on and continue because I was committed to

continue because I was committed to

continue because I was committed to securing tutorial 45 so the last step in

securing tutorial 45 so the last step in

securing tutorial 45 so the last step in this process is that I had to stay

this process is that I had to stay

this process is that I had to stay present because the moment I take my

present because the moment I take my

present because the moment I take my focus off the present and into the past

focus off the present and into the past

focus off the present and into the past or out into the future as a moment that

or out into the future as a moment that

or out into the future as a moment that I elect fear and doubt pumping by

I elect fear and doubt pumping by

I elect fear and doubt pumping by staying in the here and now the present

staying in the here and now the present

staying in the here and now the present moment this next step the next prime

moment this next step the next prime

moment this next step the next prime breath allowed me to keep moving forward

breath allowed me to keep moving forward

breath allowed me to keep moving forward to towards who I needed to become so it

to towards who I needed to become so it

to towards who I needed to become so it was this process it all started with one

was this process it all started with one

was this process it all started with one simple question that took me from the

simple question that took me from the

simple question that took me from the 275 pound version of myself on the left

275 pound version of myself on the left

275 pound version of myself on the left I first signed up for this event to the

I first signed up for this event to the

I first signed up for this event to the 230 pound version of myself on the right

from barely being able to run a mile

from barely being able to run a mile when I signed up to running that half a

when I signed up to running that half a

when I signed up to running that half a marathon in my training from not being

marathon in my training from not being

marathon in my training from not being able to meet any of the standards set by

able to meet any of the standards set by

able to meet any of the standards set by C alpha Kokoro in March to not only

C alpha Kokoro in March to not only

C alpha Kokoro in March to not only passing but exceeding those standards in

passing but exceeding those standards in

passing but exceeding those standards in September from being one of 50 who

September from being one of 50 who

September from being one of 50 who signed up for this event to one of 28

signed up for this event to one of 28

signed up for this event to one of 28 that actually was courageous enough to

that actually was courageous enough to

that actually was courageous enough to simply show up and attempt it to one of

simply show up and attempt it to one of

simply show up and attempt it to one of nine to stand tall at the event at the

nine to stand tall at the event at the

nine to stand tall at the event at the end and secure coral 45 as you see in

end and secure coral 45 as you see in

end and secure coral 45 as you see in this video

so had the story ended here I would have

so had the story ended here I would have been successful in my journey of who I

been successful in my journey of who I

been successful in my journey of who I have to become the nine of us that had

have to become the nine of us that had

have to become the nine of us that had just secured coral 45 along with the

just secured coral 45 along with the

just secured coral 45 along with the coaches and the staff were presented

coaches and the staff were presented

coaches and the staff were presented with a very tragic that but it was also

with a very tragic that but it was also

with a very tragic that but it was also something that truly drove home a lesson

something that truly drove home a lesson

something that truly drove home a lesson for me inside of this process and this

for me inside of this process and this

for me inside of this process and this question just seconds after that video

question just seconds after that video

question just seconds after that video ended as we’re all celebrating I was

ended as we’re all celebrating I was

ended as we’re all celebrating I was coat I was a hugging coat mark divine a

coat I was a hugging coat mark divine a

coat I was a hugging coat mark divine a 20-year retired Navy Seal and founder of

20-year retired Navy Seal and founder of

20-year retired Navy Seal and founder of sealfit coral I watched a man that had

sealfit coral I watched a man that had

sealfit coral I watched a man that had just finished with us fall to the ground

just finished with us fall to the ground

just finished with us fall to the ground and ultimately died it’s 10 feet in

and ultimately died it’s 10 feet in

and ultimately died it’s 10 feet in front of me and so in this pinnacle

front of me and so in this pinnacle

front of me and so in this pinnacle moment that I’ve been dreaming of and

moment that I’ve been dreaming of and

moment that I’ve been dreaming of and thinking of from the moment i signed up

thinking of from the moment i signed up

thinking of from the moment i signed up I watched helplessly

as a mother and a wife and that’s two

as a mother and a wife and that’s two very beautiful young kids who’s an

very beautiful young kids who’s an

very beautiful young kids who’s an amazing father and husband forever so

amazing father and husband forever so

amazing father and husband forever so this lesson I talked about just a few

this lesson I talked about just a few

this lesson I talked about just a few moments ago as i watched kurt della

moments ago as i watched kurt della

moments ago as i watched kurt della Gianna start right there in front of me

Gianna start right there in front of me

Gianna start right there in front of me that day is that the reality that i have

that day is that the reality that i have

that day is that the reality that i have and really each and every one of us in

and really each and every one of us in

and really each and every one of us in this room we have two choices in life

this room we have two choices in life

this room we have two choices in life first choices we can allow can hold

first choices we can allow can hold

first choices we can allow can hold ourselves back and our family back and

ourselves back and our family back and

ourselves back and our family back and give into complacency give in to that

give into complacency give in to that

give into complacency give in to that voice inside of our hat that’s asking us

voice inside of our hat that’s asking us

voice inside of our hat that’s asking us who do I think I am and we can allow

who do I think I am and we can allow

who do I think I am and we can allow that to control us and keep us plain

that to control us and keep us plain

that to control us and keep us plain small in life or instead we can choose

small in life or instead we can choose

small in life or instead we can choose to take control of our life in our

to take control of our life in our

to take control of our life in our family’s life and instead we can ask

family’s life and instead we can ask

family’s life and instead we can ask ourselves who do I have to become you

ourselves who do I have to become you

ourselves who do I have to become you see for me it was kokoro 45

so you might be losing the weight that

so you might be losing the weight that you’ve always wanted to lose or maybe

you’ve always wanted to lose or maybe

you’ve always wanted to lose or maybe running the marathon that you’ve always

running the marathon that you’ve always

running the marathon that you’ve always thought about running it could be

thought about running it could be

thought about running it could be achieving financial success that you

achieving financial success that you

achieving financial success that you have always wanted or maybe quitting

have always wanted or maybe quitting

have always wanted or maybe quitting your job and starting the business that

your job and starting the business that

your job and starting the business that you’ve always thought about starting it

you’ve always thought about starting it

you’ve always thought about starting it could simply be becoming the spouse or

could simply be becoming the spouse or

could simply be becoming the spouse or the parent but you always hope to be so

the parent but you always hope to be so

the parent but you always hope to be so I asked you and I challenge each and

I asked you and I challenge each and

I asked you and I challenge each and every one of you here today to ask

every one of you here today to ask

every one of you here today to ask yourself what is your coral and who do

yourself what is your coral and who do

yourself what is your coral and who do you have to become thank you