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Who Am I | Paula Boggs | TEDxBellevueCollege


perception such a melodic word and yet

perception such a melodic word and yet one so potentially lethal pondering it I

one so potentially lethal pondering it I

one so potentially lethal pondering it I turned to the author

turned to the author

turned to the author Aldous Huxley the father of such works

Aldous Huxley the father of such works

Aldous Huxley the father of such works as brave new world and the doors of

as brave new world and the doors of

as brave new world and the doors of perception

perception

perception according to Huxley

according to Huxley

according to Huxley there’s the known the unknown and

there’s the known the unknown and

there’s the known the unknown and between them lie doors of perception

between them lie doors of perception

between them lie doors of perception what do we know what don’t we know and

what do we know what don’t we know and

what do we know what don’t we know and why does it matter well it only matters

why does it matter well it only matters

why does it matter well it only matters and my perception will only change if it

and my perception will only change if it

and my perception will only change if it helps me because let’s face it

helps me because let’s face it

helps me because let’s face it self-interest

self-interest

self-interest rules so I have two points today one

rules so I have two points today one

rules so I have two points today one self-interest can be good and consistent

self-interest can be good and consistent

self-interest can be good and consistent with enlightened self-interest a change

with enlightened self-interest a change

with enlightened self-interest a change in my perspective can be good not just

in my perspective can be good not just

in my perspective can be good not just for me but even for people I don’t even

for me but even for people I don’t even

for me but even for people I don’t even know so here’s my story I am a gay black

know so here’s my story I am a gay black

know so here’s my story I am a gay black woman who became an army officer lawyer

woman who became an army officer lawyer

woman who became an army officer lawyer executive and now musician I thought a

executive and now musician I thought a

executive and now musician I thought a lot about perception through the lens of

lot about perception through the lens of

lot about perception through the lens of my life journey thirty years ago I got a

my life journey thirty years ago I got a

my life journey thirty years ago I got a powerful lesson

powerful lesson

powerful lesson in perception I was a young army officer

in perception I was a young army officer

in perception I was a young army officer on temporary duty in South Africa

on temporary duty in South Africa

on temporary duty in South Africa apartheid was alive and well Mandela

apartheid was alive and well Mandela

apartheid was alive and well Mandela still in jail and while there I met a

still in jail and while there I met a

still in jail and while there I met a civil rights activist who happened to be

civil rights activist who happened to be

civil rights activist who happened to be ethnically Indian during the course of

ethnically Indian during the course of

ethnically Indian during the course of our conversation he referred to himself

our conversation he referred to himself

our conversation he referred to himself as black

as black

as black I’m sure responding to my surprised

I’m sure responding to my surprised

I’m sure responding to my surprised expression he explained the oppressor in

expression he explained the oppressor in

expression he explained the oppressor in South Africa the Afrikaner government

South Africa the Afrikaner government

South Africa the Afrikaner government maintained its power in part by pitting

maintained its power in part by pitting

maintained its power in part by pitting oppressed groups against each other

oppressed groups against each other

oppressed groups against each other black was a unifying term for the

black was a unifying term for the

black was a unifying term for the oppressed

oppressed

oppressed it didn’t matter whether you were Zulu

it didn’t matter whether you were Zulu

it didn’t matter whether you were Zulu Koza colored or Indian to be oppressed

Koza colored or Indian to be oppressed

Koza colored or Indian to be oppressed was to be black now if I’m an oppressed

was to be black now if I’m an oppressed

was to be black now if I’m an oppressed South African in order for me to buy in

South African in order for me to buy in

South African in order for me to buy in to being black I have to walk through

to being black I have to walk through

to being black I have to walk through two of hud sleaze doors the first door

two of hud sleaze doors the first door

two of hud sleaze doors the first door is a change in how I see myself the

is a change in how I see myself the

is a change in how I see myself the second door is I need to change hell I

second door is I need to change hell I

second door is I need to change hell I see others by walking through both of

see others by walking through both of

see others by walking through both of Huxley’s doors oppressed South Africans

Huxley’s doors oppressed South Africans

Huxley’s doors oppressed South Africans helped bring down apartheid

I’ve come back to that conversation many

I’ve come back to that conversation many times because as a gay black woman who

times because as a gay black woman who

times because as a gay black woman who became an army officer lawyer executive

became an army officer lawyer executive

became an army officer lawyer executive and now musician how I see me can be

and now musician how I see me can be

and now musician how I see me can be different from how others see me

different from how others see me

different from how others see me honestly

honestly

honestly how I see me can be different from how I

how I see me can be different from how I

how I see me can be different from how I should see me I was a closeted gay

should see me I was a closeted gay

should see me I was a closeted gay person the first 12 years of my career

person the first 12 years of my career

person the first 12 years of my career gay people are what I perceived it meant

gay people are what I perceived it meant

gay people are what I perceived it meant to be gay was frightening to me of

to be gay was frightening to me of

to be gay was frightening to me of course it was career-ending and or

course it was career-ending and or

course it was career-ending and or criminal to be a gay army officer in the

criminal to be a gay army officer in the

criminal to be a gay army officer in the 1980s I now understand the emotional

1980s I now understand the emotional

1980s I now understand the emotional gymnastics I went through to just not go

gymnastics I went through to just not go

gymnastics I went through to just not go there

there

there it was in my self-interest to just not

it was in my self-interest to just not

it was in my self-interest to just not go there even after I left the army and

go there even after I left the army and

go there even after I left the army and moved to so-called liberal Seattle for

moved to so-called liberal Seattle for

moved to so-called liberal Seattle for all practical purposes

all practical purposes

all practical purposes I was closeted for another eight years

I was closeted for another eight years

I was closeted for another eight years the shame the stress

the shame the stress

the shame the stress have you ever had a secret you held so

have you ever had a secret you held so

have you ever had a secret you held so tight inside you that it made you ill

tight inside you that it made you ill

tight inside you that it made you ill have you have you for me it took a job

have you have you for me it took a job

have you have you for me it took a job offer from Texas no less for me to come

offer from Texas no less for me to come

offer from Texas no less for me to come out of the closet you see my my partner

out of the closet you see my my partner

out of the closet you see my my partner had to give up her job and health

had to give up her job and health

had to give up her job and health benefits for me to take the job so I

benefits for me to take the job so I

benefits for me to take the job so I came out as gay to strike the best deal

came out as gay to strike the best deal

came out as gay to strike the best deal possible with a new employer for myself

possible with a new employer for myself

possible with a new employer for myself and my family motivated by self-interest

and my family motivated by self-interest

and my family motivated by self-interest I found my true self amongst the tech

I found my true self amongst the tech

I found my true self amongst the tech God’s barbecue and Willie Nelson of

God’s barbecue and Willie Nelson of

God’s barbecue and Willie Nelson of Austin by the time we returned to

Austin by the time we returned to

Austin by the time we returned to Seattle I knew I could never return to

Seattle I knew I could never return to

Seattle I knew I could never return to the closet but I also wanted to be gay

the closet but I also wanted to be gay

the closet but I also wanted to be gay on my terms I know what Sam Smith the

on my terms I know what Sam Smith the

on my terms I know what Sam Smith the singer means when he says I don’t want

singer means when he says I don’t want

singer means when he says I don’t want to be known as Sam Smith the gate singer

to be known as Sam Smith the gate singer

to be known as Sam Smith the gate singer I want to be known as Sam Smith the

I want to be known as Sam Smith the

I want to be known as Sam Smith the singer who happens to be gay I get that

singer who happens to be gay I get that

singer who happens to be gay I get that I’m that way and I’ve always been that

I’m that way and I’ve always been that

I’m that way and I’ve always been that way in high school I needed to be with

way in high school I needed to be with

way in high school I needed to be with the geeks freaks jocks and student

the geeks freaks jocks and student

the geeks freaks jocks and student council politicians and bristled

council politicians and bristled

council politicians and bristled whenever anybody tried to box me in I

whenever anybody tried to box me in I

whenever anybody tried to box me in I still have that need and I still bristle

still have that need and I still bristle

still have that need and I still bristle when someone says well you don’t sound

when someone says well you don’t sound

when someone says well you don’t sound black I retort well yes I do because I

black I retort well yes I do because I

black I retort well yes I do because I am black and this is how I sound which

am black and this is how I sound which

am black and this is how I sound which brings me to this life chapter where law

brings me to this life chapter where law

brings me to this life chapter where law takes a backseat to music a lot of

takes a backseat to music a lot of

takes a backseat to music a lot of people have opinions about that how

people have opinions about that how

people have opinions about that how could she leave Starbucks music is for

could she leave Starbucks music is for

could she leave Starbucks music is for the young what are you rhythm and blues

the young what are you rhythm and blues

the young what are you rhythm and blues bad oh sure she can do it she’s rich and

bad oh sure she can do it she’s rich and

bad oh sure she can do it she’s rich and the beat goes on well here’s what I know

the beat goes on well here’s what I know

the beat goes on well here’s what I know I know

I know

I know I’m a serious musician I know I need to

I’m a serious musician I know I need to

I’m a serious musician I know I need to write music and share it I want people

write music and share it I want people

write music and share it I want people to like the music I want people to like

to like the music I want people to like

to like the music I want people to like me I want people to like me and this

me I want people to like me and this

me I want people to like me and this need I have is in harmony with an

need I have is in harmony with an

need I have is in harmony with an article I read it’s called the

article I read it’s called the

article I read it’s called the selflessness of self-interest and it’s

selflessness of self-interest and it’s

selflessness of self-interest and it’s written by the CEO of the search firm

written by the CEO of the search firm

written by the CEO of the search firm corn fairy

corn fairy

corn fairy the author says we never graduate from

the author says we never graduate from

the author says we never graduate from sixth grade as adults are our toys are

sixth grade as adults are our toys are

sixth grade as adults are our toys are different and our games have bigger risk

different and our games have bigger risk

different and our games have bigger risk and reward but we never leave the

and reward but we never leave the

and reward but we never leave the playground we all want to be liked loved

playground we all want to be liked loved

playground we all want to be liked loved accepted we want what other people have

accepted we want what other people have

accepted we want what other people have we want to be popular I want to win the

we want to be popular I want to win the

we want to be popular I want to win the author is not being judgmental he’s just

author is not being judgmental he’s just

author is not being judgmental he’s just telling it like it is

telling it like it is

telling it like it is self-interest rules and that’s true

self-interest rules and that’s true

self-interest rules and that’s true whether I’m gay straight black white

whether I’m gay straight black white

whether I’m gay straight black white brown rich poor red blue lawyer or

brown rich poor red blue lawyer or

brown rich poor red blue lawyer or musician self-interest drives much of

musician self-interest drives much of

musician self-interest drives much of what I do from where I live to the

what I do from where I live to the

what I do from where I live to the charities I support that make me feel

charities I support that make me feel

charities I support that make me feel good about myself

good about myself

good about myself to those I love how I love them to the

to those I love how I love them to the

to those I love how I love them to the music I write and perform the author

music I write and perform the author

music I write and perform the author goes on to say though when my

goes on to say though when my

goes on to say though when my self-interest connects with yours and

self-interest connects with yours and

self-interest connects with yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and

yours and yours and yours and yours and

yours and yours and yours and yours and they combined for the good whether it’s

they combined for the good whether it’s

they combined for the good whether it’s for family neighborhood nation or planet

for family neighborhood nation or planet

for family neighborhood nation or planet this fusion

this fusion

this fusion of self-interests can fuel positive

of self-interests can fuel positive

of self-interests can fuel positive action just like what happened in South

action just like what happened in South

action just like what happened in South Africa

Africa

Africa now I’m not so naive to think this

now I’m not so naive to think this

now I’m not so naive to think this happens intuitively or without effort

happens intuitively or without effort

happens intuitively or without effort even at the family workplace or band

even at the family workplace or band

even at the family workplace or band stage but I do think within this notion

stage but I do think within this notion

stage but I do think within this notion of enlightened self-interest there’s a

of enlightened self-interest there’s a

of enlightened self-interest there’s a path to me seeing you as you truly are

path to me seeing you as you truly are

path to me seeing you as you truly are and you seeing me as I want to be seen

and you seeing me as I want to be seen

and you seeing me as I want to be seen and so through enlightened self-interest

and so through enlightened self-interest

and so through enlightened self-interest may we all know a little less so we may

may we all know a little less so we may

may we all know a little less so we may see a little more thank

see a little more thank

see a little more thank [Applause]

”

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