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What You Learn When You Listen | Kara Ulmer | TEDxAkron


one day I learned how to listen and when

one day I learned how to listen and when I say I learned how to listen what I

I say I learned how to listen what I

I say I learned how to listen what I mean is I learned how to enter a complex

mean is I learned how to enter a complex

mean is I learned how to enter a complex situation with a posture of humility

situation with a posture of humility

situation with a posture of humility that wasn’t my mo up to that day seven

that wasn’t my mo up to that day seven

that wasn’t my mo up to that day seven years ago I stepped on a sketchy boat on

years ago I stepped on a sketchy boat on

years ago I stepped on a sketchy boat on Lake Volta in northern Ghana West Africa

Lake Volta in northern Ghana West Africa

Lake Volta in northern Ghana West Africa the reason I was stepping on that

the reason I was stepping on that

the reason I was stepping on that sketchy boat was because I was on a

sketchy boat was because I was on a

sketchy boat was because I was on a mission to talk with slave owners

mission to talk with slave owners

mission to talk with slave owners notorious for using kids on Lake Volta

notorious for using kids on Lake Volta

notorious for using kids on Lake Volta in the fishing trade let me tell you a

in the fishing trade let me tell you a

in the fishing trade let me tell you a little bit about who I was when I was

little bit about who I was when I was

little bit about who I was when I was stepping on that sketchy boat at the age

stepping on that sketchy boat at the age

stepping on that sketchy boat at the age of 31 I was recruited as the director

of 31 I was recruited as the director

of 31 I was recruited as the director over three departments at Barclaycard

over three departments at Barclaycard

over three departments at Barclaycard International north of London England

International north of London England

International north of London England which was awesome and being an expat is

which was awesome and being an expat is

which was awesome and being an expat is pretty sweet so you get your rent paid

pretty sweet so you get your rent paid

pretty sweet so you get your rent paid for you get your car paid for you kind

for you get your car paid for you kind

for you get your car paid for you kind of like rolling in it so at that point

of like rolling in it so at that point

of like rolling in it so at that point in life I was super ambitious I was very

in life I was super ambitious I was very

in life I was super ambitious I was very career-driven I didn’t really think

career-driven I didn’t really think

career-driven I didn’t really think about helping people mostly I spent my

about helping people mostly I spent my

about helping people mostly I spent my weekends going to Greece and buying

weekends going to Greece and buying

weekends going to Greece and buying Prada so I brought my Prada handbag to

Prada so I brought my Prada handbag to

Prada so I brought my Prada handbag to Ghana it was back in the hotel room not

Ghana it was back in the hotel room not

Ghana it was back in the hotel room not on the boat with me um so the person

on the boat with me um so the person

on the boat with me um so the person that I was when I stepped on that

that I was when I stepped on that

that I was when I stepped on that sketchy boat was someone who was an

sketchy boat was someone who was an

sketchy boat was someone who was an American educated woman with the self

American educated woman with the self

American educated woman with the self righteous indignation and hero complex

righteous indignation and hero complex

righteous indignation and hero complex the only someone who can impulse buy a

the only someone who can impulse buy a

the only someone who can impulse buy a 2000 dollar handbag could muster we went

2000 dollar handbag could muster we went

2000 dollar handbag could muster we went out on the lake and I met some of the

out on the lake and I met some of the

out on the lake and I met some of the kids that were used as slaves some of

kids that were used as slaves some of

kids that were used as slaves some of them were as young as five years old

them were as young as five years old

them were as young as five years old they worked usually 14 to 16 hours a day

they worked usually 14 to 16 hours a day

they worked usually 14 to 16 hours a day and they often only had one meal when we

and they often only had one meal when we

and they often only had one meal when we talked with them some of them couldn’t

talked with them some of them couldn’t

talked with them some of them couldn’t swim they talked a little bit about

swim they talked a little bit about

swim they talked a little bit about and what they’d seen their friends go

and what they’d seen their friends go

and what they’d seen their friends go through it was definitely not an easy

through it was definitely not an easy

through it was definitely not an easy life

life

life as we pulled up to Lala on this sketchy

as we pulled up to Lala on this sketchy

as we pulled up to Lala on this sketchy little boat there were seven of us white

little boat there were seven of us white

little boat there were seven of us white women mostly from Texas me from Ohio and

women mostly from Texas me from Ohio and

women mostly from Texas me from Ohio and a Canadian guy our interpreter in a

a Canadian guy our interpreter in a

a Canadian guy our interpreter in a Ghanaian and so we were coming to this

Ghanaian and so we were coming to this

Ghanaian and so we were coming to this village

village

village straight out of National Geographic the

straight out of National Geographic the

straight out of National Geographic the entire village came around us to watch

entire village came around us to watch

entire village came around us to watch us talk with these fishermen so if you

us talk with these fishermen so if you

us talk with these fishermen so if you imagine in your mind whatever

imagine in your mind whatever

imagine in your mind whatever preconceived notion you have of a slave

preconceived notion you have of a slave

preconceived notion you have of a slave owner and what that sounds like and what

owner and what that sounds like and what

owner and what that sounds like and what that means you get some little inkling

that means you get some little inkling

that means you get some little inkling of feel of walking into that village

of feel of walking into that village

of feel of walking into that village ready for a conversation as we sat down

ready for a conversation as we sat down

ready for a conversation as we sat down in the center and the whole village was

in the center and the whole village was

in the center and the whole village was standing there watching us we asked

standing there watching us we asked

standing there watching us we asked questions through the interpreter and it

questions through the interpreter and it

questions through the interpreter and it was kind of like this how could you how

was kind of like this how could you how

was kind of like this how could you how dare you these kids should be in school

dare you these kids should be in school

dare you these kids should be in school why don’t you find another way to make

why don’t you find another way to make

why don’t you find another way to make money why would you do this to these

money why would you do this to these

money why would you do this to these kids so let me tell you what went down

kids so let me tell you what went down

kids so let me tell you what went down about 15 minutes into us asking those

about 15 minutes into us asking those

about 15 minutes into us asking those questions

questions

questions the interpreter interrupted us and said

the interpreter interrupted us and said

the interpreter interrupted us and said okay they’ve been really polite and

okay they’ve been really polite and

okay they’ve been really polite and they’ve answered your questions now they

they’ve answered your questions now they

they’ve answered your questions now they have some questions for you so thinking

have some questions for you so thinking

have some questions for you so thinking about who I was at that moment literally

about who I was at that moment literally

about who I was at that moment literally the thought that went through my mind

the thought that went through my mind

the thought that went through my mind was what they have questions for us

was what they have questions for us

was what they have questions for us and so this I’ll paraphrase because this

and so this I’ll paraphrase because this

and so this I’ll paraphrase because this is how I heard it

is how I heard it

is how I heard it coming out the fisherman asked the

coming out the fisherman asked the

coming out the fisherman asked the question well we’ve diversified our

question well we’ve diversified our

question well we’ve diversified our livestock so that we can multiply our

livestock so that we can multiply our

livestock so that we can multiply our income across the but we’re having a

income across the but we’re having a

income across the but we’re having a problem getting it to market in having

problem getting it to market in having

problem getting it to market in having consistent prices what’s your suggestion

consistent prices what’s your suggestion

consistent prices what’s your suggestion for us the second question is well I

for us the second question is well I

for us the second question is well I know that America is really generous so

know that America is really generous so

know that America is really generous so you give a lot of money to our

you give a lot of money to our

you give a lot of money to our government but they don’t always pass it

government but they don’t always pass it

government but they don’t always pass it down to the schoolteachers which means

down to the schoolteachers which means

down to the schoolteachers which means the teachers don’t get paid so they

the teachers don’t get paid so they

the teachers don’t get paid so they don’t show up to school so although we’d

don’t show up to school so although we’d

don’t show up to school so although we’d like to send these kids to school we’d

like to send these kids to school we’d

like to send these kids to school we’d also like to send our own kids to school

also like to send our own kids to school

also like to send our own kids to school what’s your recommendation on what we

what’s your recommendation on what we

what’s your recommendation on what we should do about that as I sat there and

should do about that as I sat there and

should do about that as I sat there and listened to these questions and these

listened to these questions and these

listened to these questions and these fishermen and I love the look on this

fishermen and I love the look on this

fishermen and I love the look on this man’s face because I think it kind of

man’s face because I think it kind of

man’s face because I think it kind of captures the moment I thought to myself

captures the moment I thought to myself

captures the moment I thought to myself I can’t answer these questions I’ve got

I can’t answer these questions I’ve got

I can’t answer these questions I’ve got ten years of banking in my background

ten years of banking in my background

ten years of banking in my background this is a little more complicated than I

this is a little more complicated than I

this is a little more complicated than I thought when I stepped on that boat the

thought when I stepped on that boat the

thought when I stepped on that boat the power of listening allows you to humbly

power of listening allows you to humbly

power of listening allows you to humbly enter a situation and maybe think about

enter a situation and maybe think about

enter a situation and maybe think about what is complicated and how do you

what is complicated and how do you

what is complicated and how do you address it as I left la la that day we

address it as I left la la that day we

address it as I left la la that day we were stepping back into the sketchy boat

were stepping back into the sketchy boat

were stepping back into the sketchy boat headed back to Quetta crotchy I was

headed back to Quetta crotchy I was

headed back to Quetta crotchy I was looking back as the little kids were

looking back as the little kids were

looking back as the little kids were waving at me and I thought I wouldn’t

waving at me and I thought I wouldn’t

waving at me and I thought I wouldn’t survive 24 hours in la la unless

survive 24 hours in la la unless

survive 24 hours in la la unless somebody took deep compassion on me and

somebody took deep compassion on me and

somebody took deep compassion on me and showed me how and in that moment it

showed me how and in that moment it

showed me how and in that moment it changed me and so as I moved from that I

changed me and so as I moved from that I

changed me and so as I moved from that I spent the next four years fighting human

spent the next four years fighting human

spent the next four years fighting human trafficking and slavery so I worked with

trafficking and slavery so I worked with

trafficking and slavery so I worked with over a hundred artisans in Ghana in

over a hundred artisans in Ghana in

over a hundred artisans in Ghana in Thailand in Cambodia and what I learned

Thailand in Cambodia and what I learned

Thailand in Cambodia and what I learned from that moment about how important it

from that moment about how important it

from that moment about how important it is to enter into the situation without

is to enter into the situation without

is to enter into the situation without assumptions I was able to go into

assumptions I was able to go into

assumptions I was able to go into Cambodia and work in a village that

Cambodia and work in a village that

Cambodia and work in a village that started out with 13 kids hand it over

started out with 13 kids hand it over

started out with 13 kids hand it over and now it’s over 200 I was able to

and now it’s over 200 I was able to

and now it’s over 200 I was able to listen to a woman in a brothel in

listen to a woman in a brothel in

listen to a woman in a brothel in Thailand talk about how terrified she

Thailand talk about how terrified she

Thailand talk about how terrified she was to prostitute her body but she

was to prostitute her body but she

was to prostitute her body but she needed to because her dad needed sir

needed to because her dad needed sir

needed to because her dad needed sir three what about the man who was buying

three what about the man who was buying

three what about the man who was buying her what was his story and he’d flown

her what was his story and he’d flown

her what was his story and he’d flown all the way from Germany to do that if

all the way from Germany to do that if

all the way from Germany to do that if his wife had died from cancer what was

his wife had died from cancer what was

his wife had died from cancer what was he going to do if you can listen to

he going to do if you can listen to

he going to do if you can listen to someone’s story and you can start to

someone’s story and you can start to

someone’s story and you can start to open that dialogue open up your mind the

open that dialogue open up your mind the

open that dialogue open up your mind the possibility for healing is there as I

possibility for healing is there as I

possibility for healing is there as I work in Akron today having done four

work in Akron today having done four

work in Akron today having done four years of anti trafficking and now

years of anti trafficking and now

years of anti trafficking and now working with refugees I get to hear

working with refugees I get to hear

working with refugees I get to hear stories all the time and in the season

stories all the time and in the season

stories all the time and in the season of tension and walking in it it’s super

of tension and walking in it it’s super

of tension and walking in it it’s super exciting and slightly unnerving so I got

exciting and slightly unnerving so I got

exciting and slightly unnerving so I got to hear stories and sit down

to hear stories and sit down

to hear stories and sit down with a Muslim Iraqi man talk about how

with a Muslim Iraqi man talk about how

with a Muslim Iraqi man talk about how he trained 800 soldiers for the US

he trained 800 soldiers for the US

he trained 800 soldiers for the US military in Iraq I get to sit down with

military in Iraq I get to sit down with

military in Iraq I get to sit down with a Syrian a stylee talk about how he’s

a Syrian a stylee talk about how he’s

a Syrian a stylee talk about how he’s afraid for his brothers he’s staying out

afraid for his brothers he’s staying out

afraid for his brothers he’s staying out of trouble while he’s here in Akron

of trouble while he’s here in Akron

of trouble while he’s here in Akron because his life depends on it and that

because his life depends on it and that

because his life depends on it and that night he says because you listen to me I

night he says because you listen to me I

night he says because you listen to me I can sleep in peace I got to go to Hudson

can sleep in peace I got to go to Hudson

can sleep in peace I got to go to Hudson and talk to women who are genuinely

and talk to women who are genuinely

and talk to women who are genuinely terrified of those exact same Muslim

terrified of those exact same Muslim

terrified of those exact same Muslim refugees and hear her talk about why she

refugees and hear her talk about why she

refugees and hear her talk about why she is afraid and then addressed that and I

is afraid and then addressed that and I

is afraid and then addressed that and I think within us we all have a certain

think within us we all have a certain

think within us we all have a certain longing to hear and be heard so if the

longing to hear and be heard so if the

longing to hear and be heard so if the questions that you want to hear are I

questions that you want to hear are I

questions that you want to hear are I see you I hear you

see you I hear you

see you I hear you your story is meaningful and important

your story is meaningful and important

your story is meaningful and important to me it’s like a Jesus style Margo day

to me it’s like a Jesus style Margo day

to me it’s like a Jesus style Margo day so I challenge you to enter into the

so I challenge you to enter into the

so I challenge you to enter into the situations that are maybe above your

situations that are maybe above your

situations that are maybe above your paygrade don’t be afraid of them just

paygrade don’t be afraid of them just

paygrade don’t be afraid of them just listen thank you

listen thank you

listen thank you [Applause]

”

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