what if what if the blank canvas life supposedly starts out with and fret
supposedly starts out with and fret
supposedly starts out with and fret effects already had a big frame around
effects already had a big frame around
effects already had a big frame around its frame based on as a scenario on your
its frame based on as a scenario on your
its frame based on as a scenario on your where you’re coming from your religion
where you’re coming from your religion
where you’re coming from your religion your social environment and anomaly in
your social environment and anomaly in
your social environment and anomaly in your DNA that frame could define your
your DNA that frame could define your
your DNA that frame could define your life’s quest a big disruption on a
life’s quest a big disruption on a
life’s quest a big disruption on a personal level well for me to hell with
personal level well for me to hell with
personal level well for me to hell with that frame September 1981 I was born I
that frame September 1981 I was born I
that frame September 1981 I was born I took my first breath into this world as
took my first breath into this world as
took my first breath into this world as a boy as I came three weeks late i think
a boy as I came three weeks late i think
a boy as I came three weeks late i think i mighta had a dispute i’ve had a
i mighta had a dispute i’ve had a
i mighta had a dispute i’ve had a dispute with life service desk but i
dispute with life service desk but i
dispute with life service desk but i lost or might I have one I’ll let you
lost or might I have one I’ll let you
lost or might I have one I’ll let you guys decide upon that one you know my
guys decide upon that one you know my
guys decide upon that one you know my first few years they went pretty smooth
first few years they went pretty smooth
first few years they went pretty smooth I was like this happy little toddler
I was like this happy little toddler
I was like this happy little toddler enjoying life laughing at a real early
enjoying life laughing at a real early
enjoying life laughing at a real early age I started talking in full sentences
age I started talking in full sentences
age I started talking in full sentences with that ability I drove everyone crazy
with that ability I drove everyone crazy
with that ability I drove everyone crazy always wanted to know everything asking
always wanted to know everything asking
always wanted to know everything asking questions to the extent of I don’t know
questions to the extent of I don’t know
questions to the extent of I don’t know but then slowly after the age of three
but then slowly after the age of three
but then slowly after the age of three when a child starts to get aware of
when a child starts to get aware of
when a child starts to get aware of their gender identity I started noticing
their gender identity I started noticing
their gender identity I started noticing something was wrong with me
something was wrong with me
something was wrong with me but what exactly still would take me
but what exactly still would take me
but what exactly still would take me some quite some years but I appeared to
some quite some years but I appeared to
some quite some years but I appeared to be a boy judging on my character my
be a boy judging on my character my
be a boy judging on my character my softness very emotional I read I was a
softness very emotional I read I was a
softness very emotional I read I was a little girl then at the age of six about
little girl then at the age of six about
little girl then at the age of six about six when I left kindergarten my real
six when I left kindergarten my real
six when I left kindergarten my real nightmare initiated primary school boys
nightmare initiated primary school boys
nightmare initiated primary school boys only through the years I became the
only through the years I became the
only through the years I became the center of bullying children can be
center of bullying children can be
center of bullying children can be really harsh to each other but as do
really harsh to each other but as do
really harsh to each other but as do adults as even my teachers participated
adults as even my teachers participated
adults as even my teachers participated in the bullying on a mental level they
in the bullying on a mental level they
in the bullying on a mental level they didn’t get physical like the rest at
didn’t get physical like the rest at
didn’t get physical like the rest at kicking in my ribs and everything but
kicking in my ribs and everything but
kicking in my ribs and everything but okay I got over it but I really think
okay I got over it but I really think
okay I got over it but I really think that is a disturbing facts about
that is a disturbing facts about
that is a disturbing facts about teachers as they are responsible of the
teachers as they are responsible of the
teachers as they are responsible of the education of the next generation
education of the next generation
education of the next generation influencing kids to be judgmental and
influencing kids to be judgmental and
influencing kids to be judgmental and cherished hates in life for someone
cherished hates in life for someone
cherished hates in life for someone that’s different
as I grew older life became harder at
as I grew older life became harder at home I was really quite a happy little
home I was really quite a happy little
home I was really quite a happy little kids had great neighbours kids they love
kids had great neighbours kids they love
kids had great neighbours kids they love me for who I was but I couldn’t come to
me for who I was but I couldn’t come to
me for who I was but I couldn’t come to understand why other girls could have
understand why other girls could have
understand why other girls could have played with Barbies could wear dresses
played with Barbies could wear dresses
played with Barbies could wear dresses and and why everyone was loving that I
and and why everyone was loving that I
and and why everyone was loving that I love playing with my mother’s shoes then
love playing with my mother’s shoes then
love playing with my mother’s shoes then already when I was a shoe fanatic but
already when I was a shoe fanatic but
already when I was a shoe fanatic but more often in this period up to the
more often in this period up to the
more often in this period up to the eighth of 12 I started becoming more and
eighth of 12 I started becoming more and
eighth of 12 I started becoming more and more sick and spending time in the
more sick and spending time in the
more sick and spending time in the hospital it was like my my soul my inner
hospital it was like my my soul my inner
hospital it was like my my soul my inner soul was making my body sick the
soul was making my body sick the
soul was making my body sick the misunderstanding the judgmental behavior
misunderstanding the judgmental behavior
misunderstanding the judgmental behavior not being who I was my body couldn’t
not being who I was my body couldn’t
not being who I was my body couldn’t cope anymore
cope anymore
cope anymore over there I had seen so many therapists
over there I had seen so many therapists
over there I had seen so many therapists and even they did it like this IQ test
and even they did it like this IQ test
and even they did it like this IQ test or hell I even appeared to be
or hell I even appeared to be
or hell I even appeared to be intelligence yet another label to live
intelligence yet another label to live
intelligence yet another label to live up to you he ate me but not even nightly
up to you he ate me but not even nightly
up to you he ate me but not even nightly panic attacks became a fast routine in
panic attacks became a fast routine in
panic attacks became a fast routine in my life and I grew into this kid with
my life and I grew into this kid with
my life and I grew into this kid with severe anxieties afraid from the world
severe anxieties afraid from the world
severe anxieties afraid from the world afraid to be me to talk to to show
afraid to be me to talk to to show
afraid to be me to talk to to show myself to go and stay at someone’s place
myself to go and stay at someone’s place
myself to go and stay at someone’s place and I was scared of the world after the
and I was scared of the world after the
and I was scared of the world after the age of 12 I got into middle school
age of 12 I got into middle school
age of 12 I got into middle school a little better I thought boys and girls
a little better I thought boys and girls
a little better I thought boys and girls but in a way it wasn’t the person in the
but in a way it wasn’t the person in the
but in a way it wasn’t the person in the mirror one way or the other I hated him
mirror one way or the other I hated him
mirror one way or the other I hated him that was not me I hated him to bits
that was not me I hated him to bits
that was not me I hated him to bits it was my enemy It was as if my inner
it was my enemy It was as if my inner
it was my enemy It was as if my inner soul and the facile it lift him were two
soul and the facile it lift him were two
soul and the facile it lift him were two different people two different lies but
different people two different lies but
different people two different lies but because I couldn’t relate but more and
because I couldn’t relate but more and
because I couldn’t relate but more and more often I started to flee from this
more often I started to flee from this
more often I started to flee from this world into my imaginary world there I
world into my imaginary world there I
world into my imaginary world there I could be saved of this narrow-minded
could be saved of this narrow-minded
could be saved of this narrow-minded world you know and and in a way my
world you know and and in a way my
world you know and and in a way my mind’s made me analyzing the world
mind’s made me analyzing the world
mind’s made me analyzing the world myself people without filter and that
myself people without filter and that
myself people without filter and that even made me more unhappy that world
even made me more unhappy that world
even made me more unhappy that world forced me into being a boy due to some
forced me into being a boy due to some
forced me into being a boy due to some manufacturing Falls the wrong costume a
manufacturing Falls the wrong costume a
manufacturing Falls the wrong costume a Halloween that world really was my enemy
Halloween that world really was my enemy
Halloween that world really was my enemy at the age of fourteen my parents got
at the age of fourteen my parents got
at the age of fourteen my parents got divorced that was my cue to keep my
divorced that was my cue to keep my
divorced that was my cue to keep my mouth shut and yet again flee some more
mouth shut and yet again flee some more
mouth shut and yet again flee some more in my own worlds when I was about 15 or
in my own worlds when I was about 15 or
in my own worlds when I was about 15 or 16 I started having like these episodes
16 I started having like these episodes
16 I started having like these episodes of dissociation my soul fled from my
of dissociation my soul fled from my
of dissociation my soul fled from my body from time to time when I was alone
body from time to time when I was alone
body from time to time when I was alone and we didn’t in these episodes whenever
and we didn’t in these episodes whenever
and we didn’t in these episodes whenever I came back to my senses I started
I came back to my senses I started
I came back to my senses I started noticing III made his drawings a series
noticing III made his drawings a series
noticing III made his drawings a series of ellipses forming a Phoenix that rose
of ellipses forming a Phoenix that rose
of ellipses forming a Phoenix that rose from the ashes significance but that’ll
from the ashes significance but that’ll
from the ashes significance but that’ll become clear later hurting myself and
become clear later hurting myself and
become clear later hurting myself and even worsens with so much strength
even worsens with so much strength
even worsens with so much strength fueled by hatred against my body that
fueled by hatred against my body that
fueled by hatred against my body that body was my enemy so I hated it I heard
body was my enemy so I hated it I heard
body was my enemy so I hated it I heard it I did it with crushing my arms
it I did it with crushing my arms
it I did it with crushing my arms between doorposts the toilet seat until
between doorposts the toilet seat until
between doorposts the toilet seat until the extent of getting fractured
therapists they weren’t able to help me
therapists they weren’t able to help me due to lacking knowledge due to the
due to lacking knowledge due to the
due to lacking knowledge due to the games I found found joyous and playing
games I found found joyous and playing
games I found found joyous and playing with them to questioning everything they
with them to questioning everything they
with them to questioning everything they know in a way I think I needed to prove
know in a way I think I needed to prove
know in a way I think I needed to prove myself at some point that I was good at
myself at some point that I was good at
myself at some point that I was good at something that I could outsmart them as
something that I could outsmart them as
something that I could outsmart them as for school I started giving giving up on
for school I started giving giving up on
for school I started giving giving up on my dreams I always dreamt of becoming up
my dreams I always dreamt of becoming up
my dreams I always dreamt of becoming up psychologist or professional writer at
psychologist or professional writer at
psychologist or professional writer at the cataract assume you which is like
the cataract assume you which is like
the cataract assume you which is like the equivalent of Vienna’s riding school
the equivalent of Vienna’s riding school
the equivalent of Vienna’s riding school I loved horses I loved riding I was good
I loved horses I loved riding I was good
I loved horses I loved riding I was good at it but dreams shatter because nothing
at it but dreams shatter because nothing
at it but dreams shatter because nothing is impossible for me nothing
about school I thought I had a plan I
about school I thought I had a plan I had a plan like between girls I would be
had a plan like between girls I would be
had a plan like between girls I would be more and more safe I would be yeah a
more and more safe I would be yeah a
more and more safe I would be yeah a tease but you know so I decided I’m
tease but you know so I decided I’m
tease but you know so I decided I’m becoming a beautician but that day and
becoming a beautician but that day and
becoming a beautician but that day and age no boys allowed so to hell with
age no boys allowed so to hell with
age no boys allowed so to hell with school survival two more years so I
school survival two more years so I
school survival two more years so I decided I’m becoming a hairdresser
decided I’m becoming a hairdresser
decided I’m becoming a hairdresser didn’t finish that later on in life I’ll
didn’t finish that later on in life I’ll
didn’t finish that later on in life I’ll go and do some more studying and and
go and do some more studying and and
go and do some more studying and and make something out of myself but in that
make something out of myself but in that
make something out of myself but in that school a few teachers started dropping
school a few teachers started dropping
school a few teachers started dropping hints about this alumni who had the sex
hints about this alumni who had the sex
hints about this alumni who had the sex change okay but no longer I felt like I
change okay but no longer I felt like I
change okay but no longer I felt like I was alone there was a possibility that
was alone there was a possibility that
was alone there was a possibility that could help me a solution well as soon as
could help me a solution well as soon as
could help me a solution well as soon as I opened up at all after my real life
I opened up at all after my real life
I opened up at all after my real life test of trying to be gay which would
test of trying to be gay which would
test of trying to be gay which would wouldn’t work out we started visiting
wouldn’t work out we started visiting
wouldn’t work out we started visiting this team in engines in the university
this team in engines in the university
this team in engines in the university hub Hospital the gender team that took
hub Hospital the gender team that took
hub Hospital the gender team that took really long visiting the psychiatrists
really long visiting the psychiatrists
really long visiting the psychiatrists and led me to another depression trying
and led me to another depression trying
and led me to another depression trying to commit suicides my first attempts
to commit suicides my first attempts
to commit suicides my first attempts when my brother came to wake me up he
when my brother came to wake me up he
when my brother came to wake me up he tried to wake me up I didn’t react so he
tried to wake me up I didn’t react so he
tried to wake me up I didn’t react so he started he thought she’s playing it
started he thought she’s playing it
started he thought she’s playing it and he tried to prank me by putting ice
and he tried to prank me by putting ice
and he tried to prank me by putting ice cubes behind my pjs at the time not so
cubes behind my pjs at the time not so
cubes behind my pjs at the time not so funny but later on it’s funny but I
funny but later on it’s funny but I
funny but later on it’s funny but I didn’t wake up and luckily the
didn’t wake up and luckily the
didn’t wake up and luckily the paramedics they could resuscitate me so
paramedics they could resuscitate me so
paramedics they could resuscitate me so a process of endocrinologist luckily he
a process of endocrinologist luckily he
a process of endocrinologist luckily he speeded things up or morning
speeded things up or morning
speeded things up or morning substitution therapy together with Aldo
substitution therapy together with Aldo
substitution therapy together with Aldo cure is like taking away two sovereigns
cure is like taking away two sovereigns
cure is like taking away two sovereigns living health from about after year we
living health from about after year we
living health from about after year we had our I had my first appointment that
had our I had my first appointment that
had our I had my first appointment that I had of plastic surgery I was happy at
I had of plastic surgery I was happy at
I had of plastic surgery I was happy at first but in a way that became a shocker
first but in a way that became a shocker
first but in a way that became a shocker because he told me like oh we forgot to
because he told me like oh we forgot to
because he told me like oh we forgot to put you on a waiting list my world
put you on a waiting list my world
put you on a waiting list my world collapsed I was devastated but as
collapsed I was devastated but as
collapsed I was devastated but as already then I became someone who
already then I became someone who
already then I became someone who thought of no is not an answer started
thought of no is not an answer started
thought of no is not an answer started searching found another surgeon went to
searching found another surgeon went to
searching found another surgeon went to see her in November and she said like
see her in November and she said like
see her in November and she said like okay four months I was really happy four
okay four months I was really happy four
okay four months I was really happy four months one week before Christmas good
months one week before Christmas good
months one week before Christmas good news a place came free a spot came free
news a place came free a spot came free
news a place came free a spot came free and so for January the date was set my
and so for January the date was set my
and so for January the date was set my rebirth after 10 hours of surgery waking
rebirth after 10 hours of surgery waking
rebirth after 10 hours of surgery waking up
up
up I really felt happy you know except for
I really felt happy you know except for
I really felt happy you know except for the excruciating pain but that didn’t
the excruciating pain but that didn’t
the excruciating pain but that didn’t matter
matter
matter I was happy it was like for the first
I was happy it was like for the first
I was happy it was like for the first time the person within matched the
time the person within matched the
time the person within matched the person on the outsides so victory
next step hiring a lawyer alteration of
next step hiring a lawyer alteration of the birth certificates another
the birth certificates another
the birth certificates another confrontation with an institute that was
confrontation with an institute that was
confrontation with an institute that was really narrow-minded
really narrow-minded
really narrow-minded it took quite some time now you might
it took quite some time now you might
it took quite some time now you might think but this is not the end hold your
think but this is not the end hold your
think but this is not the end hold your breath and count to ten feel the earth
breath and count to ten feel the earth
breath and count to ten feel the earth move and then still on a mental level so
move and then still on a mental level so
move and then still on a mental level so much more to learn it was like I had to
much more to learn it was like I had to
much more to learn it was like I had to I had changed
I had changed
I had changed everything was alright and but I wanted
everything was alright and but I wanted
everything was alright and but I wanted acceptance I wanted to prove myself that
acceptance I wanted to prove myself that
acceptance I wanted to prove myself that I was smart I was beautiful that it was
I was smart I was beautiful that it was
I was smart I was beautiful that it was a female so I started to make myself a
a female so I started to make myself a
a female so I started to make myself a little smaller than I and anyone else
little smaller than I and anyone else
little smaller than I and anyone else exaggerating thinking I had to do
exaggerating thinking I had to do
exaggerating thinking I had to do fashion shows to prove myself and
fashion shows to prove myself and
fashion shows to prove myself and finding the love of my life
finding the love of my life
finding the love of my life or appear to be was a great time eight
or appear to be was a great time eight
or appear to be was a great time eight years we spent together we got engaged
years we spent together we got engaged
years we spent together we got engaged he got another woman pregnant so world
he got another woman pregnant so world
he got another woman pregnant so world collapse number 572 got a new job new
collapse number 572 got a new job new
collapse number 572 got a new job new boyfriend’s at I left everything we had
boyfriend’s at I left everything we had
boyfriend’s at I left everything we had a business together Max and me material
a business together Max and me material
a business together Max and me material side didn’t matter anymore
side didn’t matter anymore
side didn’t matter anymore I was broken my spark was gone my
I was broken my spark was gone my
I was broken my spark was gone my ambition was gone that led me to my new
ambition was gone that led me to my new
ambition was gone that led me to my new boyfriend’s living up to his standards
boyfriend’s living up to his standards
boyfriend’s living up to his standards losing myself after that after a really
losing myself after that after a really
losing myself after that after a really hard time I found a lump in my breasts
hard time I found a lump in my breasts
hard time I found a lump in my breasts so what were they telling me like taking
so what were they telling me like taking
so what were they telling me like taking away everything that I fought for
away everything that I fought for
away everything that I fought for I thought not understanding the message
I thought not understanding the message
I thought not understanding the message but it was just at the start of them
but it was just at the start of them
but it was just at the start of them being malicious so just take it away
being malicious so just take it away
being malicious so just take it away move on three months later again so with
move on three months later again so with
move on three months later again so with the plastic surgeon
the plastic surgeon
the plastic surgeon I decided on having both breasts removed
I decided on having both breasts removed
I decided on having both breasts removed on one condition
on one condition
on one condition never to go through that hell again and
never to go through that hell again and
never to go through that hell again and I had a reconstruction at the same time
afterwards I realized it’s not my
afterwards I realized it’s not my appearance that made me a woman it’s a
appearance that made me a woman it’s a
appearance that made me a woman it’s a soul within you’re human you’re human
soul within you’re human you’re human
soul within you’re human you’re human you’re a soul except from man woman no
you’re a soul except from man woman no
you’re a soul except from man woman no big deal as gossip started chasing me by
big deal as gossip started chasing me by
big deal as gossip started chasing me by returning to my my hometown I found out
returning to my my hometown I found out
returning to my my hometown I found out this really was hard with me I still was
this really was hard with me I still was
this really was hard with me I still was hiding acting up on standards labels
hiding acting up on standards labels
hiding acting up on standards labels everything so finally I understood and I
everything so finally I understood and I
everything so finally I understood and I learned that it was about time to choose
learned that it was about time to choose
learned that it was about time to choose for me to become to the outside world
for me to become to the outside world
for me to become to the outside world Pearl’s person that I am more
Pearl’s person that I am more
Pearl’s person that I am more self-confidence but it took me quite
self-confidence but it took me quite
self-confidence but it took me quite some lessons you know everyone is unique
some lessons you know everyone is unique
some lessons you know everyone is unique and I as for me I’ll keep raising my
and I as for me I’ll keep raising my
and I as for me I’ll keep raising my voice for the world to understand that
voice for the world to understand that
voice for the world to understand that there’s such big power in diversity in
there’s such big power in diversity in
there’s such big power in diversity in business life in personal life no matter
business life in personal life no matter
business life in personal life no matter we’re all unique and all deserve a right
we’re all unique and all deserve a right
we’re all unique and all deserve a right to live as for me I’m proud of Who I am
to live as for me I’m proud of Who I am
to live as for me I’m proud of Who I am and even proud of who I was you know
and even proud of who I was you know
and even proud of who I was you know finding self-love and being honest with
finding self-love and being honest with
finding self-love and being honest with ourselves such important thing so
ourselves such important thing so
ourselves such important thing so essential in this world once found go
essential in this world once found go
essential in this world once found go out share inspire love one another raise
out share inspire love one another raise
out share inspire love one another raise your voice find your best passion
your voice find your best passion
your voice find your best passion exponents
some of us find us immediately
some of us find us immediately it took me 34 years but in a way it’s
it took me 34 years but in a way it’s
it took me 34 years but in a way it’s okay because it was worth it all the
okay because it was worth it all the
okay because it was worth it all the struggle was like a gift there is no
struggle was like a gift there is no
struggle was like a gift there is no such thing as failure in life so to hell
such thing as failure in life so to hell
such thing as failure in life so to hell with fears everything even seemingly bad
with fears everything even seemingly bad
with fears everything even seemingly bad in a score holds a treasure a treasure
in a score holds a treasure a treasure
in a score holds a treasure a treasure of wisdom and insight ready to be
of wisdom and insight ready to be
of wisdom and insight ready to be discovered it’s all about your choice of
discovered it’s all about your choice of
discovered it’s all about your choice of perception your choice whether you act
perception your choice whether you act
perception your choice whether you act upon it or become the victim or do you
upon it or become the victim or do you
upon it or become the victim or do you choose for victory in life and grow
choose for victory in life and grow
choose for victory in life and grow stronger and wiser because in the end
stronger and wiser because in the end
stronger and wiser because in the end we’re souls all in search of the same
we’re souls all in search of the same
we’re souls all in search of the same thing love being happy and to be loved
thing love being happy and to be loved
thing love being happy and to be loved equally we all deserve that so don’t
equally we all deserve that so don’t
equally we all deserve that so don’t hold back as we will follow our life’s
hold back as we will follow our life’s
hold back as we will follow our life’s path we build up like layers of
path we build up like layers of
path we build up like layers of consciousness a buildup of wisdoms
consciousness a buildup of wisdoms
consciousness a buildup of wisdoms learned and the ones yet to learn these
learned and the ones yet to learn these
learned and the ones yet to learn these build ups these layers will eventually
build ups these layers will eventually
build ups these layers will eventually form a bird ready to take flights on the
form a bird ready to take flights on the
form a bird ready to take flights on the flow of life don’t hold back further
flow of life don’t hold back further
flow of life don’t hold back further from that as for me I’m quite happy now
from that as for me I’m quite happy now
from that as for me I’m quite happy now without forgetting there’s still so much
without forgetting there’s still so much
without forgetting there’s still so much to explore and to learn I’m done with
to explore and to learn I’m done with
to explore and to learn I’m done with being at the sidelines of life watching
being at the sidelines of life watching
being at the sidelines of life watching everybody be happy this was my fault I’m
everybody be happy this was my fault I’m
everybody be happy this was my fault I’m ready to take action in life and act
ready to take action in life and act
ready to take action in life and act upon it make something about it no one
upon it make something about it no one
upon it make something about it no one gets power over my life again
gets power over my life again
gets power over my life again thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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